01x01 - Operation Strix
Posted: 09/15/22 09:42
Diplomat: How much longer to the embassy?
Driver: I believe it'll be around minutes, sir.
Driver: Huh?
Driver: The brake's not working.
Diplomat: Hey, you! Up front! Look up front!
Member A: One of our diplomats perished in a car accident in Ostania.
Member A: But we believe it to be an assassination by the East's far-right political party.
Member A: They are plotting a w*r against our nation of Westalis.
Member A: We must do everything we can to figure out their plan.
Member B: Let's let him take care of it.
The best agent we have.
"Twilight."
Here's the goods I promised.
Proof that the foreign minister wears a toupee.
I even have the negatives.
Fake Edgar: Well done.
Fake Edgar: Now we can force him to resign.
Fake Edgar: I look forward to doing business with you again.
Edgar: Hey.
Edgar: How about you hand over the goods now?
Huh? Wha—But you just—
He got me!
Narrator: Code name: Twilight.
Narrator: A spy.
Narrator: In an era in which the nations of the world were waging a fierce w*r
Narrator: of information just out of sight,
Narrator: this man survived that b*ttlefield by being
Narrator: a master of disguise, a man with a hundred faces.
Karen: So Daddy's been in such a bad mood lately because someone
Karen: stole his toupee pictures, or something.
Karen: What even? Ugh, I'm so mad.
Karen: Hello? Are you even listening, Robert?
Twilight: Hm? Yes, that's rather unfortunate.
Karen: So, Robert... Do you think one day we'll also—
Twilight: Karen, let's break up.
Karen: What?!
Twilight: I'm afraid I can't sense any intelligence in your conversations.
Twilight: Farewell. May you find happiness.
Karen: Hey, Robert! Wait! You can't just do that to me!
Karen: Robert!
Twilight: Sorry, Karen, but I have no further use for your family.
Twilight: As of tonight, I'm also done withthe mask known as Robert.
Twilight: Marriage? Conventional happiness?
Twilight: I got rid of those aspirations, as well as my identity, the day I became a spy.
Contact: Meow.
Twilight: Must be Cipher C.
Train Announcer: The train bound for Berlint is now departing from track .
Chief: Good day, or perhaps, good evening, Twilight.
Chief: Well done on your last mission.
Chief: Thanks to you, the minister lived another day, to the great benefit of our country.
Chief: Now, then, I have your next mission.
Chief: Your target is the leader of the National Unity Party, Donovan Desmond.
Chief: He is a great threat to the truce between the East and the West.
Chief: Your mission is to get close to him and probe any seditious activities.
Chief: In order to achieve this,
Chief: you will get married and have a child.
Twilight: Sorry, what?!
Chief: Desmond is an extremely cautious man who rarely appears in public.
Chief: He only appears at social gatherings held at the elite private school his son attends.
Chief: These events are informal get-togethers for the upper echelon of industrial and political leaders.
Chief: You will have your child enroll in this school
Chief: and infiltrate one of the social gatherings.
Chief: The enrollment deadline is drawing near, meaning you have one week to pull this off.
Twilight: You expect me to produce a child within seven days?!
Twilight: Please excuse me.
Chief: Operation Strix.
Chief: This operation is the key to maintaining peace between East and West...
Chief: and perhaps, the world.
Chief: Hero who casts no shadow,
Chief: the great deeds you and your fellow agents do shall never see the light of day.
Chief: You will never earn any medals nor make it into the papers.
Chief: Even so...
Chief: Never forget that everyone else's day-to-day lives are possible
Chief: because of your blood, sweat, and tears.
Twilight: Very well.
Twilight: I abandoned my identity when I became Twilight.
Twilight: I will play the part of a father with a child if I must,
Twilight: for the sake of a better world.
sign___OPERATION_STRIX,Sign: {\pos(,)\fad(,)}OPERATION {\fs}STRIX
Real estate agent: This is one of our single-family apartments.
Real estate agent: The unit comes furnished, includes central air conditioning and heating, and...
Real estate agent: Um... Sir?
Loid: No wiretaps detected, and there are securable escape routes.
Loid: I'll take it.
Real estate agent: Excellent, Mr. Forger. Now, if you'd sign these documents...
Loid: Loid Forger. Occupation: psychiatrist.
Loid: That's my new life.
Loid: With a family I love and a happy home life...
Real estate agent: How nice that you and your family are moving into a new home.
Real estate agent: Do you have a boy or a girl?
Loid: Ah, well...
Loid: I'll be deciding on that soon.
Real estate agent: Huh?
Loid: What an absolute burden for a spy.
Orphanage Director: Huh? You wanna adopt?
Loid: Indeed. I heard that your orphanage was looking for candidates.
Loid: You see, my wife and I—
Orphanage Director: Yeah, sure. Take whichever one you want.
Orphanage Director: Come on in.
Loid: What a terrible environment.
Loid: But the shadier the establishment,
Loid: the more likely these children have complicated pasts,
Loid: so it'll be easier to alter their stories.
Loid: I can make this mission work if I have a child.
Loid: I would've preferred to handle it all on my own,
Loid: but I can't exactly disguise myself as a child,
Loid: no matter how skilled a spy I am.
Loid: Pardon me. If possible, I'd like a child who can read and write.
Orphanage Director: Well, in that case...
Orphanage director: Hey, Anya.
Orphanage Director: She's the smartest one we've got.
Orphanage Director: She don't talk much, but she's a good kid.
Orphanage Director: She's a creepy, disgusting little brat.
Orphanage Director: I'd be thrilled to get her outta my hair.
Orphanage Director: Go on. Say hello.
Loid: Er... Pardon me.
Loid: If I recall, the earliest age students can enter Eden College is six.
Loid: She definitely looks no older than four or five.
Anya: Six.
Anya: I'm six!
Orphanage Director: You're six years old?
Loid: But she's so small...
Loid: Hm? The paper?
Loid: A crossword puzzle?
Loid: That's probably too difficult for a child.
Loid: Of course, for myself, it's mere child's play.
Loid: One down is "homeostasis."
Loid: One across is "causal closure."
Loid: The one below that is "symplectomorphism."
Loid: She completed it? Seriously?
Loid: Such unbelievable intellect.
Loid: She should have no problem passing the entrance exam.
Loid: I'll take her.
Loid: As for the paperwork...
Orphanage Director: Don't worry about that. Just take her already.
Loid: My mission to end up with a child is a success.
Loid: Everything's going so well that it's making me nervous.
Loid: Are you okay with this?
Anya: A spy... mission...
Anya: So exciting!
Narrator: This little girl happened to be a telepath.
Narrator: Test Subject .
Narrator: She possessed the ability to read people's minds.
Narrator: She was unintentionally created in an experiment by a certain organization,
Narrator: and she later fled their facility.
Narrator: She has been wandering around looking for someone to take care of her.
Loid: Now, listen, little girl.
Anya: Anya.
Loid: Now, listen, Anya.
Loid: Starting today, you will be my daughter,
Loid: but if anyone asks, you've always been my daughter.
Loid: Got it?
Anya: Yep.
Loid: Make sure you address me as "Father."
Anya: Papa!
Loid: Very well.
Neighbor: Well, aren't you a cute little girl? Hello there.
Loid: We're the Forgers. We just moved in today.
Anya: I am Anya. I have been Papa's child for a very long time.
Loid: That wasn't necessary.
Loid: Come on, let's go inside.
Anya: This is Anya's house?
Loid: Yes.
Anya: A TV!
Loid: Go ahead and turn it on.
TV Announcer: Spy Wars, an adventure cartoon!
Anya: I like this show.
Loid: Of all things...
Bondman: A g*n with a sil*ncer?
Anya: So exciting.
Bondman: You're a professional!
Loid: First, I'll have to gather everything we'll need.
Bondman: I will be taking back that b*mb.
Loid: And I'll have to forge an ID for her.
Bondman: Anyone who gets in my way will regret it.
Loid: I'm going out for a bit.
Loid: Just sit there and watch your show.
Bondman: Out of my way!
Anya: An adventure!
Loid: I'm not going on an adventure. I'm just going shopping.
Anya: I want a p*stol with a sil*ncer!
Loid: Sure. Maybe if we can find one on sale.
Loid: To be a master spy,
Loid: one must act normal and never draw attention to themselves.
Loid: We must do everything we can to look like an ordinary family.
Anya: Papa! Save me!
Loid: Must you draw attention to yourself?
Old Lady: Now, now. You need to make sure you hold the little one's hand.
Old Lady: Here.
Loid: Having one hand tied up will make it difficult to prepare for an enemy ambush,
Loid: but no matter.
Anya: An enemy?!
Loid: What are you doing?
Anya: Hiding!
Loid: Did I do anything to make her want to hide from me?
Loid: Perhaps I held her hand too early. Does she hate me?
Loid: This isn't good.
Loid: I need to maintain a good relationship with her until the end of this mission.
Loid: I must know more about this creature.
Loid: It's basic diplomacy. Understanding the other party is the first step toward peace.
Anya: Understanding me will lead to world peace?!
Anya: I like peanuts.
Anya: And I don't like carrots.
Loid: Uh-huh...
Anya: But I really like crispy bacon from bakenries!
Loid: That's a "bakery." They do not sell bacon.
Anya: I'd like this, please.
Loid: That costs one dalc. You can't buy it with a ten-pent coin.
Loid: Is this girl actually stupid?
Loid: Was the crossword puzzle a fluke?
Loid: Maybe I can still go back and get another child—
Anya: Pwease don't get rid of me!
Loid: What's gotten into you?!
Passerby: What a terrible parent.
Anya: Pwease! I'm a good bargain!
Loid: What do I do?
Loid: I'll buy you some peanuts! Just stop crying!
Anya: Peanuts!
Anya: Papa, I'm tired.
Anya: Can't walk anymore...
Loid: What?
Loid: This isn't working... I just don't understand
Loid: this irrational behavior.
Loid: I need some manuals to help me understand it.
Loid: "The key to raising a child is trust."
Loid: "Rather than scolding them, try tounderstand things from their perspective."
Loid: "Children are not very good at putting how they're feeling into words,
sign___CHILDREARING,Sign: {\pos(,)}CHILDREARING
Loid: so try to understand them more."So no interrogating them, then?
sign___CHILDREARING,Sign: {\c&Hf&\fs\c&HA&\an}CHILDCARE
sign___CHILDREARING,Sign: {\an\bord}CHILDREARING
Loid: Do the parents of the world
Loid: normally carry out such difficult missions all the time?
Loid: "Nurture their self-esteem to give them a better future."
Loid: "By giving them the ability to think for themselves, their future..."
Loid: As soon as I'm done with this mission, I'm sending her back to the orphanage.
Loid: That's the extent of our relationship.
Anya: Don't wanna!
Anya: I don't wanna study!
Loid: I need to know how smart you are for this exam.
Anya: I don't need to study to do any tests.
Anya: If I just read other people's...
Anya: ...people's minds...
Loid: Are you planning on cheating? Listen.
Loid: If you don't get into this school...
Loid: ...my mission fails.
Loid: Fine, then.
Loid: I'm heading out.
Loid: You're not coming with me today.
Loid: No matter what.
Loid: You're staying home.
Loid: Hey!
Loid: I told you, you're not coming!
Loid: You there! Do you really think I don't see you?
Loid: There!
Loid: There!
Anya: Papa is so good at finding me.
Anya: It's so much fun!
Loid: Try and get out of that!
Franky: So that's why you're late?
Loid: In the end, I put up a barricade in front of the door and trapped her inside.
Franky: I'm praying that you don't get reported for child abuse.
Loid: Who knows what children are thinking?
Loid: Their method of always crying to get their way is truly annoying.
Franky: Hate to tell you this, Twilight, but crying is their job.
Franky: More importantly, here's what you asked for.
Franky: An application, ticket for the exam, and exam questions.
Franky: I went through hell getting these for you.
Loid: Thanks, Franky.
Loid: I think we can make things work if we have her memorize everything.
Franky: Oh, yeah. About your daughter...
Franky: I dug up some records on her past that the orphanage didn't have.
Franky: I couldn't find anything about her birth.
Franky: No info on her age or parents, either.
Franky: I could only find information from the last year,
Franky: but she's been adopted four times and returned each time.
Franky: She's also been to two other orphanages.
Loid: "Anya Williams, Anya Levski, Anya Roche"...
Franky: She changes names as much as you do.
Franky: You guys are perfect for each other.
Franky: Hey, I'm kidding. This is for your mission, right?
Franky: She may be a kid, but no good's gonna come out of getting too attached.
Loid: Thanks for the concern.
Franky: Hello? Where's my money?!
Franky: Damn it... Who knows what spies are thinking, either?
Anya: I'm so bored. Spies aren't like what I thought.
Anya: I just want to get the b*mb back.
Loid: I can't have her messing with my spy equipment, so I'll lock it up.
Loid: The code is , ...
Anya: ..., .
Anya: Bomby-bombs! Bomby-bombs!
Anya: Bomby-bombs! Bomby-bombs!
Anya: Ooh!
Anya: Secret messages!
Anya: Secrets, secrets...
Henchman A: Boss! We've intercepted a new message.
Edgar: Is it using the West's cipher?
Henchman A: No, it's just plain text.
Henchman A: It says... "Twilight here"...
Henchman A: Twilight here!
Henchman A: This is the frequency used by Western intelligence.
Henchman A: Oh, there's more. "Catch me if you can"...
Edgar: Hurry up and pinpoint where it's coming from!
Anya: Whew...
Loid: Now that you've found out I'm a spy, you'll have to disappear.
Anya: If he finds out I'm a telepath...
Anya: I'll have to leave.
flashback Researcher A: Anya, you mustn't tell anyone about your power.
Researcher B: It's time to study now, Anya.
Anya: But I wanna draw...
Researcher A: Don't bother with childish games.
Researcher A: We must use your power for the sake of world peace.
Researcher A: There's no time for tears, either.
Researcher A: Now, enough playing. Back to studying.
Loid: She'd better not have messed up the apartment.
Loid: Oh, right. I need to move this.
Loid: Who the hell are these guys?!
Loid: Anya!
Loid: Anya!
Loid: She's been kidnapped?
Loid: By whoever sent these thugs? But why?
Loid: I need to find her immediately. Calm down.
Loid: From the looks of it, I've been compromised.
Loid: I need to get to safety immediately.
Loid: As for Anya...
Loid: There are plenty of other children out there.
Loid: I'll start things over from square one and—
Edgar: So who the hell is this kid?
Edgar: Could she be Twilight's?
Henchman B: No idea. She was in the room where the message came from,
Henchman B: so we snatched her just in case.
Anya: Because of the transmission?
Henchman B: She was holed up inside the apartment with a barricade out front.
Edgar: Why out front?
Henchman B: Beats me.
Edgar: Well, no matter. We might be able to use her as a hostage
Edgar: in order to force Twilight to steal the toupee
Edgar: off of the foreign minister's head personally.
Henchman D: Boss, I think we should just give up on the toupee.
Edgar: Transparency is essential in government.
Edgar: Toupees are a no-go.
Anya: A p*stol with a sil*ncer...
Edgar: Also, the minister's a traitor who's been secretly backing the West.
Edgar: Anyone who advocates for a traitor is also a traitor.
Anya: A real bad guy...
Henchman G: Boss! Nguyen and his guys are back from the apartment!
Fake Nguyen: We captured him.
Edgar: Well done.
Fake Nguyen: Those weren't the moves of an amateur. He's the real deal.
Henchman E: Go rest over there.
Edgar: Now then, Twilight...
Edgar: Let's have you return the photographs you stole from me.
Edgar: Nguyen!
Henchman E: What's going on?! He was just—
Henchman C: The kid's gone!
Edgar: He got me again!
Loid: This was a mistake.
Loid: I risked everything by waltzing right into enemy territory.
Loid: I'm a failure as a spy.
Anya: Papa...
Anya: Pabwaaaaaah!
Fake Nguyen: Look, you're okay. I won't do anything.
Fake Nguyen: You don't have to be scared.
Anya: Pabwaaaaaah!
Loid: This is exactly why kids suck.
Loid: I see.
Loid: I think I figured out why I hate the sound of kids crying so much.
Loid: Because I end up remembering my own childhood.
Loid: No one reached out their hand to save me.
Loid: I felt alone, in despair, and so powerless that all I could do was cry.
Loid: I thought I'd abandoned that past, but on a subconscious level,
Loid: she was reminding me of me.
Loid: No, actually...
Fake Nguyen: Listen up, little girl.
Anya: Anya.
Fake Nguyen: Listen up, Anya.
Fake Nguyen: Me and my friends are pro tag players.
Fake Nguyen: Whenever we spot someone with potential, we immediately challenge them to a game.
Anya: Oh.
Anya: Papa is a liar.
Fake Nguyen: Now, listen.
Fake Nguyen: If you go straight down this street and turn right,
Fake Nguyen: you'll find a police station.
Fake Nguyen: If you can get this to a police officer, you win the game.
Fake Nguyen: Got it?
Loid: If you show them this, they'll put you in a better orphanage.
Loid: I'm not going to involve a kid in this mission.
Loid: I'll figure something out and rework the plan.
Anya: Pa—
Loid: All right, go! Hurry!
Loid: I'm a failure as a spy? No.
Loid: My mistake was putting that little girl in danger to begin with.
Loid: How could I forget?
Loid: To create a world where children won't have to cry...
Loid: That's why I became a spy.
Henchman B: Don't let that bastard get away!
Henchman E: We're gonna drag him out here and expose his face to—
Henchman B: A trap? When did he—
Henchman E: What is this? Flour?
Henchman C: T-Twilight?!
Henchman B: Don't sh**t! This whole place will blow!
Edgar: Wha—
Edgar: You've gotta be sh1tting me.
Loid: Turn around, and I'll k*ll you.
Edgar: Twilight...
Loid: Good day, or perhaps, good evening, Edgar.
Loid: How's Karen doing?
Edgar: How do you know my daughter's name?
Loid: Of course I know. That's what spies do.
Loid: I know her height, weight, shoe size,
Loid: her favorite foods, even how many moles are on her body.
Loid: Though it's nothing compared to your record, I know of her criminal activity, too.
Edgar: Absurd! My daughter would never—
Loid: Edgar.
Loid: I also know how much you care about your daughter.
Loid: So listen carefully.
Loid: If you wish for her to have any semblance of a normal life,
Loid: you'll leave me the hell alone.
Loid: If you understand, go home right now.
Loid: Anya!
Anya: Papa!
Anya: Papa!
Loid: What are you—I mean,
Loid: what are you doing outside the house?
Loid: I, uh, just happened to come here to shop,
Loid: but I guess they went out of business.
Anya: Papa is a huge liar.
Anya: I was playing tag with some old guys.
Loid: Oh, I see. Did you have fun?
Anya: It was a little scary.
Anya: I wanna go home.
Anya: To our home, Papa.
Loid: Are you sure?
Anya: If you leave me behind, I'm going to cry.
flashback Franky: She's been adopted four times and returned each time.
Loid: Anya Williams... Anya Levski...
Loid: Anya Roche.
Loid: I see.
Loid: Well, let's go home, then.
Loid: But that apartment is far too dangerous, so let's move.
Loid: I spotted a poisonous snake there yesterday.
Anya: I don't like snakes.
Anya: Papa is a huge liar...
Anya: But he's such a cool liar.
Anya: I wanna live in a castle.
Loid: We'll see if one's listed.
Loid: Once we get to our new home, you've got to study.
Anya: Gwak!
Loid: This time, you just have to memorize all the answers.
Loid: It'll be easy.
Invigilator: All right, begin!
Loid: I'm counting on you, Anya.
Loid: You can do it.
Child B: This is so hard!
Child C: I don't know any of these answers!
Child D: Um... eeny, meeny, miny, moe...
Child E: Mommy...
Loid: K-...
Loid: K-...
Loid: It's there! You passed!
Loid: You did it!
Anya: Did I do a good job?
Loid: You bet you did!
Loid: You—
Anya: Papa!
Loid: I relaxed for a second and all my pent-up exhaustion hit me at once.
Anya: Papa! Don't leave me!
Loid: I... relaxed?
Anya: Papa! You're going to make me cry!
Anya: I promise to be a good girl!Just come back to me!
Loid: What the hell is going on with me?
Anya: Papa died.
Mailman: I've got some mail for you!
Mailman: Is this the Forger residence?
Anya: I'm Anya Forger.
Mailman: Could you give this to your mommy or daddy?
Anya: My mama doesn't exist.
Mailman: Oh, really? I'm sorry...
Anya: Papa! The mailman came.
Loid: What do you think you're doing?! Are you trying to k*ll me?!
Loid: I actually fell asleep in front of someone.
Loid: Unacceptable. I need to get a grip.
Anya: Mail!
Loid: It's a letter from Eden College.
Anya: What's the matter, Papa?
Loid: "The second phase of the admission process is a family interview."
Loid: "It is mandatory that the applicant attend with both parents."
Loid: "Absolutely no exceptions."
Anya: But Mama doesn't exist.
SECURE A WIFE
Driver: I believe it'll be around minutes, sir.
Driver: Huh?
Driver: The brake's not working.
Diplomat: Hey, you! Up front! Look up front!
Member A: One of our diplomats perished in a car accident in Ostania.
Member A: But we believe it to be an assassination by the East's far-right political party.
Member A: They are plotting a w*r against our nation of Westalis.
Member A: We must do everything we can to figure out their plan.
Member B: Let's let him take care of it.
The best agent we have.
"Twilight."
Here's the goods I promised.
Proof that the foreign minister wears a toupee.
I even have the negatives.
Fake Edgar: Well done.
Fake Edgar: Now we can force him to resign.
Fake Edgar: I look forward to doing business with you again.
Edgar: Hey.
Edgar: How about you hand over the goods now?
Huh? Wha—But you just—
He got me!
Narrator: Code name: Twilight.
Narrator: A spy.
Narrator: In an era in which the nations of the world were waging a fierce w*r
Narrator: of information just out of sight,
Narrator: this man survived that b*ttlefield by being
Narrator: a master of disguise, a man with a hundred faces.
Karen: So Daddy's been in such a bad mood lately because someone
Karen: stole his toupee pictures, or something.
Karen: What even? Ugh, I'm so mad.
Karen: Hello? Are you even listening, Robert?
Twilight: Hm? Yes, that's rather unfortunate.
Karen: So, Robert... Do you think one day we'll also—
Twilight: Karen, let's break up.
Karen: What?!
Twilight: I'm afraid I can't sense any intelligence in your conversations.
Twilight: Farewell. May you find happiness.
Karen: Hey, Robert! Wait! You can't just do that to me!
Karen: Robert!
Twilight: Sorry, Karen, but I have no further use for your family.
Twilight: As of tonight, I'm also done withthe mask known as Robert.
Twilight: Marriage? Conventional happiness?
Twilight: I got rid of those aspirations, as well as my identity, the day I became a spy.
Contact: Meow.
Twilight: Must be Cipher C.
Train Announcer: The train bound for Berlint is now departing from track .
Chief: Good day, or perhaps, good evening, Twilight.
Chief: Well done on your last mission.
Chief: Thanks to you, the minister lived another day, to the great benefit of our country.
Chief: Now, then, I have your next mission.
Chief: Your target is the leader of the National Unity Party, Donovan Desmond.
Chief: He is a great threat to the truce between the East and the West.
Chief: Your mission is to get close to him and probe any seditious activities.
Chief: In order to achieve this,
Chief: you will get married and have a child.
Twilight: Sorry, what?!
Chief: Desmond is an extremely cautious man who rarely appears in public.
Chief: He only appears at social gatherings held at the elite private school his son attends.
Chief: These events are informal get-togethers for the upper echelon of industrial and political leaders.
Chief: You will have your child enroll in this school
Chief: and infiltrate one of the social gatherings.
Chief: The enrollment deadline is drawing near, meaning you have one week to pull this off.
Twilight: You expect me to produce a child within seven days?!
Twilight: Please excuse me.
Chief: Operation Strix.
Chief: This operation is the key to maintaining peace between East and West...
Chief: and perhaps, the world.
Chief: Hero who casts no shadow,
Chief: the great deeds you and your fellow agents do shall never see the light of day.
Chief: You will never earn any medals nor make it into the papers.
Chief: Even so...
Chief: Never forget that everyone else's day-to-day lives are possible
Chief: because of your blood, sweat, and tears.
Twilight: Very well.
Twilight: I abandoned my identity when I became Twilight.
Twilight: I will play the part of a father with a child if I must,
Twilight: for the sake of a better world.
sign___OPERATION_STRIX,Sign: {\pos(,)\fad(,)}OPERATION {\fs}STRIX
Real estate agent: This is one of our single-family apartments.
Real estate agent: The unit comes furnished, includes central air conditioning and heating, and...
Real estate agent: Um... Sir?
Loid: No wiretaps detected, and there are securable escape routes.
Loid: I'll take it.
Real estate agent: Excellent, Mr. Forger. Now, if you'd sign these documents...
Loid: Loid Forger. Occupation: psychiatrist.
Loid: That's my new life.
Loid: With a family I love and a happy home life...
Real estate agent: How nice that you and your family are moving into a new home.
Real estate agent: Do you have a boy or a girl?
Loid: Ah, well...
Loid: I'll be deciding on that soon.
Real estate agent: Huh?
Loid: What an absolute burden for a spy.
Orphanage Director: Huh? You wanna adopt?
Loid: Indeed. I heard that your orphanage was looking for candidates.
Loid: You see, my wife and I—
Orphanage Director: Yeah, sure. Take whichever one you want.
Orphanage Director: Come on in.
Loid: What a terrible environment.
Loid: But the shadier the establishment,
Loid: the more likely these children have complicated pasts,
Loid: so it'll be easier to alter their stories.
Loid: I can make this mission work if I have a child.
Loid: I would've preferred to handle it all on my own,
Loid: but I can't exactly disguise myself as a child,
Loid: no matter how skilled a spy I am.
Loid: Pardon me. If possible, I'd like a child who can read and write.
Orphanage Director: Well, in that case...
Orphanage director: Hey, Anya.
Orphanage Director: She's the smartest one we've got.
Orphanage Director: She don't talk much, but she's a good kid.
Orphanage Director: She's a creepy, disgusting little brat.
Orphanage Director: I'd be thrilled to get her outta my hair.
Orphanage Director: Go on. Say hello.
Loid: Er... Pardon me.
Loid: If I recall, the earliest age students can enter Eden College is six.
Loid: She definitely looks no older than four or five.
Anya: Six.
Anya: I'm six!
Orphanage Director: You're six years old?
Loid: But she's so small...
Loid: Hm? The paper?
Loid: A crossword puzzle?
Loid: That's probably too difficult for a child.
Loid: Of course, for myself, it's mere child's play.
Loid: One down is "homeostasis."
Loid: One across is "causal closure."
Loid: The one below that is "symplectomorphism."
Loid: She completed it? Seriously?
Loid: Such unbelievable intellect.
Loid: She should have no problem passing the entrance exam.
Loid: I'll take her.
Loid: As for the paperwork...
Orphanage Director: Don't worry about that. Just take her already.
Loid: My mission to end up with a child is a success.
Loid: Everything's going so well that it's making me nervous.
Loid: Are you okay with this?
Anya: A spy... mission...
Anya: So exciting!
Narrator: This little girl happened to be a telepath.
Narrator: Test Subject .
Narrator: She possessed the ability to read people's minds.
Narrator: She was unintentionally created in an experiment by a certain organization,
Narrator: and she later fled their facility.
Narrator: She has been wandering around looking for someone to take care of her.
Loid: Now, listen, little girl.
Anya: Anya.
Loid: Now, listen, Anya.
Loid: Starting today, you will be my daughter,
Loid: but if anyone asks, you've always been my daughter.
Loid: Got it?
Anya: Yep.
Loid: Make sure you address me as "Father."
Anya: Papa!
Loid: Very well.
Neighbor: Well, aren't you a cute little girl? Hello there.
Loid: We're the Forgers. We just moved in today.
Anya: I am Anya. I have been Papa's child for a very long time.
Loid: That wasn't necessary.
Loid: Come on, let's go inside.
Anya: This is Anya's house?
Loid: Yes.
Anya: A TV!
Loid: Go ahead and turn it on.
TV Announcer: Spy Wars, an adventure cartoon!
Anya: I like this show.
Loid: Of all things...
Bondman: A g*n with a sil*ncer?
Anya: So exciting.
Bondman: You're a professional!
Loid: First, I'll have to gather everything we'll need.
Bondman: I will be taking back that b*mb.
Loid: And I'll have to forge an ID for her.
Bondman: Anyone who gets in my way will regret it.
Loid: I'm going out for a bit.
Loid: Just sit there and watch your show.
Bondman: Out of my way!
Anya: An adventure!
Loid: I'm not going on an adventure. I'm just going shopping.
Anya: I want a p*stol with a sil*ncer!
Loid: Sure. Maybe if we can find one on sale.
Loid: To be a master spy,
Loid: one must act normal and never draw attention to themselves.
Loid: We must do everything we can to look like an ordinary family.
Anya: Papa! Save me!
Loid: Must you draw attention to yourself?
Old Lady: Now, now. You need to make sure you hold the little one's hand.
Old Lady: Here.
Loid: Having one hand tied up will make it difficult to prepare for an enemy ambush,
Loid: but no matter.
Anya: An enemy?!
Loid: What are you doing?
Anya: Hiding!
Loid: Did I do anything to make her want to hide from me?
Loid: Perhaps I held her hand too early. Does she hate me?
Loid: This isn't good.
Loid: I need to maintain a good relationship with her until the end of this mission.
Loid: I must know more about this creature.
Loid: It's basic diplomacy. Understanding the other party is the first step toward peace.
Anya: Understanding me will lead to world peace?!
Anya: I like peanuts.
Anya: And I don't like carrots.
Loid: Uh-huh...
Anya: But I really like crispy bacon from bakenries!
Loid: That's a "bakery." They do not sell bacon.
Anya: I'd like this, please.
Loid: That costs one dalc. You can't buy it with a ten-pent coin.
Loid: Is this girl actually stupid?
Loid: Was the crossword puzzle a fluke?
Loid: Maybe I can still go back and get another child—
Anya: Pwease don't get rid of me!
Loid: What's gotten into you?!
Passerby: What a terrible parent.
Anya: Pwease! I'm a good bargain!
Loid: What do I do?
Loid: I'll buy you some peanuts! Just stop crying!
Anya: Peanuts!
Anya: Papa, I'm tired.
Anya: Can't walk anymore...
Loid: What?
Loid: This isn't working... I just don't understand
Loid: this irrational behavior.
Loid: I need some manuals to help me understand it.
Loid: "The key to raising a child is trust."
Loid: "Rather than scolding them, try tounderstand things from their perspective."
Loid: "Children are not very good at putting how they're feeling into words,
sign___CHILDREARING,Sign: {\pos(,)}CHILDREARING
Loid: so try to understand them more."So no interrogating them, then?
sign___CHILDREARING,Sign: {\c&Hf&\fs\c&HA&\an}CHILDCARE
sign___CHILDREARING,Sign: {\an\bord}CHILDREARING
Loid: Do the parents of the world
Loid: normally carry out such difficult missions all the time?
Loid: "Nurture their self-esteem to give them a better future."
Loid: "By giving them the ability to think for themselves, their future..."
Loid: As soon as I'm done with this mission, I'm sending her back to the orphanage.
Loid: That's the extent of our relationship.
Anya: Don't wanna!
Anya: I don't wanna study!
Loid: I need to know how smart you are for this exam.
Anya: I don't need to study to do any tests.
Anya: If I just read other people's...
Anya: ...people's minds...
Loid: Are you planning on cheating? Listen.
Loid: If you don't get into this school...
Loid: ...my mission fails.
Loid: Fine, then.
Loid: I'm heading out.
Loid: You're not coming with me today.
Loid: No matter what.
Loid: You're staying home.
Loid: Hey!
Loid: I told you, you're not coming!
Loid: You there! Do you really think I don't see you?
Loid: There!
Loid: There!
Anya: Papa is so good at finding me.
Anya: It's so much fun!
Loid: Try and get out of that!
Franky: So that's why you're late?
Loid: In the end, I put up a barricade in front of the door and trapped her inside.
Franky: I'm praying that you don't get reported for child abuse.
Loid: Who knows what children are thinking?
Loid: Their method of always crying to get their way is truly annoying.
Franky: Hate to tell you this, Twilight, but crying is their job.
Franky: More importantly, here's what you asked for.
Franky: An application, ticket for the exam, and exam questions.
Franky: I went through hell getting these for you.
Loid: Thanks, Franky.
Loid: I think we can make things work if we have her memorize everything.
Franky: Oh, yeah. About your daughter...
Franky: I dug up some records on her past that the orphanage didn't have.
Franky: I couldn't find anything about her birth.
Franky: No info on her age or parents, either.
Franky: I could only find information from the last year,
Franky: but she's been adopted four times and returned each time.
Franky: She's also been to two other orphanages.
Loid: "Anya Williams, Anya Levski, Anya Roche"...
Franky: She changes names as much as you do.
Franky: You guys are perfect for each other.
Franky: Hey, I'm kidding. This is for your mission, right?
Franky: She may be a kid, but no good's gonna come out of getting too attached.
Loid: Thanks for the concern.
Franky: Hello? Where's my money?!
Franky: Damn it... Who knows what spies are thinking, either?
Anya: I'm so bored. Spies aren't like what I thought.
Anya: I just want to get the b*mb back.
Loid: I can't have her messing with my spy equipment, so I'll lock it up.
Loid: The code is , ...
Anya: ..., .
Anya: Bomby-bombs! Bomby-bombs!
Anya: Bomby-bombs! Bomby-bombs!
Anya: Ooh!
Anya: Secret messages!
Anya: Secrets, secrets...
Henchman A: Boss! We've intercepted a new message.
Edgar: Is it using the West's cipher?
Henchman A: No, it's just plain text.
Henchman A: It says... "Twilight here"...
Henchman A: Twilight here!
Henchman A: This is the frequency used by Western intelligence.
Henchman A: Oh, there's more. "Catch me if you can"...
Edgar: Hurry up and pinpoint where it's coming from!
Anya: Whew...
Loid: Now that you've found out I'm a spy, you'll have to disappear.
Anya: If he finds out I'm a telepath...
Anya: I'll have to leave.
flashback Researcher A: Anya, you mustn't tell anyone about your power.
Researcher B: It's time to study now, Anya.
Anya: But I wanna draw...
Researcher A: Don't bother with childish games.
Researcher A: We must use your power for the sake of world peace.
Researcher A: There's no time for tears, either.
Researcher A: Now, enough playing. Back to studying.
Loid: She'd better not have messed up the apartment.
Loid: Oh, right. I need to move this.
Loid: Who the hell are these guys?!
Loid: Anya!
Loid: Anya!
Loid: She's been kidnapped?
Loid: By whoever sent these thugs? But why?
Loid: I need to find her immediately. Calm down.
Loid: From the looks of it, I've been compromised.
Loid: I need to get to safety immediately.
Loid: As for Anya...
Loid: There are plenty of other children out there.
Loid: I'll start things over from square one and—
Edgar: So who the hell is this kid?
Edgar: Could she be Twilight's?
Henchman B: No idea. She was in the room where the message came from,
Henchman B: so we snatched her just in case.
Anya: Because of the transmission?
Henchman B: She was holed up inside the apartment with a barricade out front.
Edgar: Why out front?
Henchman B: Beats me.
Edgar: Well, no matter. We might be able to use her as a hostage
Edgar: in order to force Twilight to steal the toupee
Edgar: off of the foreign minister's head personally.
Henchman D: Boss, I think we should just give up on the toupee.
Edgar: Transparency is essential in government.
Edgar: Toupees are a no-go.
Anya: A p*stol with a sil*ncer...
Edgar: Also, the minister's a traitor who's been secretly backing the West.
Edgar: Anyone who advocates for a traitor is also a traitor.
Anya: A real bad guy...
Henchman G: Boss! Nguyen and his guys are back from the apartment!
Fake Nguyen: We captured him.
Edgar: Well done.
Fake Nguyen: Those weren't the moves of an amateur. He's the real deal.
Henchman E: Go rest over there.
Edgar: Now then, Twilight...
Edgar: Let's have you return the photographs you stole from me.
Edgar: Nguyen!
Henchman E: What's going on?! He was just—
Henchman C: The kid's gone!
Edgar: He got me again!
Loid: This was a mistake.
Loid: I risked everything by waltzing right into enemy territory.
Loid: I'm a failure as a spy.
Anya: Papa...
Anya: Pabwaaaaaah!
Fake Nguyen: Look, you're okay. I won't do anything.
Fake Nguyen: You don't have to be scared.
Anya: Pabwaaaaaah!
Loid: This is exactly why kids suck.
Loid: I see.
Loid: I think I figured out why I hate the sound of kids crying so much.
Loid: Because I end up remembering my own childhood.
Loid: No one reached out their hand to save me.
Loid: I felt alone, in despair, and so powerless that all I could do was cry.
Loid: I thought I'd abandoned that past, but on a subconscious level,
Loid: she was reminding me of me.
Loid: No, actually...
Fake Nguyen: Listen up, little girl.
Anya: Anya.
Fake Nguyen: Listen up, Anya.
Fake Nguyen: Me and my friends are pro tag players.
Fake Nguyen: Whenever we spot someone with potential, we immediately challenge them to a game.
Anya: Oh.
Anya: Papa is a liar.
Fake Nguyen: Now, listen.
Fake Nguyen: If you go straight down this street and turn right,
Fake Nguyen: you'll find a police station.
Fake Nguyen: If you can get this to a police officer, you win the game.
Fake Nguyen: Got it?
Loid: If you show them this, they'll put you in a better orphanage.
Loid: I'm not going to involve a kid in this mission.
Loid: I'll figure something out and rework the plan.
Anya: Pa—
Loid: All right, go! Hurry!
Loid: I'm a failure as a spy? No.
Loid: My mistake was putting that little girl in danger to begin with.
Loid: How could I forget?
Loid: To create a world where children won't have to cry...
Loid: That's why I became a spy.
Henchman B: Don't let that bastard get away!
Henchman E: We're gonna drag him out here and expose his face to—
Henchman B: A trap? When did he—
Henchman E: What is this? Flour?
Henchman C: T-Twilight?!
Henchman B: Don't sh**t! This whole place will blow!
Edgar: Wha—
Edgar: You've gotta be sh1tting me.
Loid: Turn around, and I'll k*ll you.
Edgar: Twilight...
Loid: Good day, or perhaps, good evening, Edgar.
Loid: How's Karen doing?
Edgar: How do you know my daughter's name?
Loid: Of course I know. That's what spies do.
Loid: I know her height, weight, shoe size,
Loid: her favorite foods, even how many moles are on her body.
Loid: Though it's nothing compared to your record, I know of her criminal activity, too.
Edgar: Absurd! My daughter would never—
Loid: Edgar.
Loid: I also know how much you care about your daughter.
Loid: So listen carefully.
Loid: If you wish for her to have any semblance of a normal life,
Loid: you'll leave me the hell alone.
Loid: If you understand, go home right now.
Loid: Anya!
Anya: Papa!
Anya: Papa!
Loid: What are you—I mean,
Loid: what are you doing outside the house?
Loid: I, uh, just happened to come here to shop,
Loid: but I guess they went out of business.
Anya: Papa is a huge liar.
Anya: I was playing tag with some old guys.
Loid: Oh, I see. Did you have fun?
Anya: It was a little scary.
Anya: I wanna go home.
Anya: To our home, Papa.
Loid: Are you sure?
Anya: If you leave me behind, I'm going to cry.
flashback Franky: She's been adopted four times and returned each time.
Loid: Anya Williams... Anya Levski...
Loid: Anya Roche.
Loid: I see.
Loid: Well, let's go home, then.
Loid: But that apartment is far too dangerous, so let's move.
Loid: I spotted a poisonous snake there yesterday.
Anya: I don't like snakes.
Anya: Papa is a huge liar...
Anya: But he's such a cool liar.
Anya: I wanna live in a castle.
Loid: We'll see if one's listed.
Loid: Once we get to our new home, you've got to study.
Anya: Gwak!
Loid: This time, you just have to memorize all the answers.
Loid: It'll be easy.
Invigilator: All right, begin!
Loid: I'm counting on you, Anya.
Loid: You can do it.
Child B: This is so hard!
Child C: I don't know any of these answers!
Child D: Um... eeny, meeny, miny, moe...
Child E: Mommy...
Loid: K-...
Loid: K-...
Loid: It's there! You passed!
Loid: You did it!
Anya: Did I do a good job?
Loid: You bet you did!
Loid: You—
Anya: Papa!
Loid: I relaxed for a second and all my pent-up exhaustion hit me at once.
Anya: Papa! Don't leave me!
Loid: I... relaxed?
Anya: Papa! You're going to make me cry!
Anya: I promise to be a good girl!Just come back to me!
Loid: What the hell is going on with me?
Anya: Papa died.
Mailman: I've got some mail for you!
Mailman: Is this the Forger residence?
Anya: I'm Anya Forger.
Mailman: Could you give this to your mommy or daddy?
Anya: My mama doesn't exist.
Mailman: Oh, really? I'm sorry...
Anya: Papa! The mailman came.
Loid: What do you think you're doing?! Are you trying to k*ll me?!
Loid: I actually fell asleep in front of someone.
Loid: Unacceptable. I need to get a grip.
Anya: Mail!
Loid: It's a letter from Eden College.
Anya: What's the matter, Papa?
Loid: "The second phase of the admission process is a family interview."
Loid: "It is mandatory that the applicant attend with both parents."
Loid: "Absolutely no exceptions."
Anya: But Mama doesn't exist.
SECURE A WIFE