the drama department would like to
announce that auditions for the Wiz will
be held after school today anyone
interested should ease on down to the
auditorium next week is teacher
appreciation week any gifts for teachers
must be first brought by the office to
be x-rayed please no live animals or
dead ones also the student awards
banquet will be held saturday evening
those who require a special meal please
like the organizing committee know in
advance inside the mine doesn't have
your permission slips and by Tuesday for
Friday's out of this world trip through
the planetarium I think you're making a
full on yourself apparently miss Miller
feels she can do a better job with this
morning's announcements no I it was my
peer
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
you haven't fooled at any of the laundry
oh yeah yeah it's not that I don't want
to fold the laundry it's that I can't
I'm laundry lexing that must be really
tough since you're also a full of crap
aholic go ahead and laugh but am i mixed
up world shirts or pants pants or shirts
but I walking a mile in my gloves see
that's wrong and I don't know why
receive justice I've never been to Uncle
Salty's nudie palace now it's from the
urban lair it sounds like one of those
stores Lauren goes to 0 and all previous
comments should be disregarded so I told
him the minimum Saturday night I can't
wait till Saturday hmm what's going on
Saturday night nothing well didn't you
just say it was going to be great yeah I
have a math final and Brian's going to
help me study isn't that great setting
huh just like you were doing at the
library yesterday when you really were
at the urban layer it's three-thirty no
I swear I was at the library Rebecca all
afternoon I believe you Brian where was
she actually mom she really was there oh
come on you don't have to cover for her
to say the word and Lauren's doing all
your chores for a month no it's the
truth you studying Rebecca okay huh what
I just saw the weirdest thing you look
and I had a squirrel on water skis this
is even weirder Ryan and Lauren are
getting along so so we got two teenagers
suddenly willing to lie for each other
it's like the Joker the Riddler who
joined forces another clean they get
Tina to be the penguin they could rule
Gotham you got to get you a Catwoman
remember when I was in high school when
linda and i started covering for one
another after that it was just booze and
parties and one lowlife guy after
another there's no way our kids are is
desperately skanky as you and your
sister and then I met you all Brian and
mourn are in there talking about
Saturday night all right all right we'll
keep an eye on him you know who could
really prowl around and figure this out
I'm not wearing a Catwoman
[Music]
[Laughter]
let me guess we ran out of vacuum bags
and you're just using your head now turn
their wet story you were right I think
someone's going down tonight their eyes
are going to sip sodas with Spacek
or assassinate Sammy Sosa doing
celebrating our love second I'm gonna be
celebrating my puke that's it we're just
gonna let him go shouldn't we at least
warn Sammy Sosa let him go we have no
reason to keep on your right we don't
want to be the kind of parents who judge
our kids when we don't even have proof
exactly which is why we need to r*fle to
Brian's room so what are we looking for
well know when we find it ah jeez here's
something you hate to find in your son's
bedroom dirty magazine worse the songs
of Stephen Sondheim doors locked this
can't be good well lookie here Ryan's
driver's license apparently he's 21
years old and lives in West Palm Beach
Florida fake ID oh there's a whole state
of um our son is making fake IDs just
like we did I want seeing one of our
kids names with a different address kind
of nice know if it's right out here can
you imagine what he has locked in the
closet okay stand back don't hurt
yourself don't break the door I'm not
gonna break the door
ah when we got here keep out yeah like
that's gonna stop me god there's a bunch
of money and here he's making a fortune
out of selling fake IDs wow he really
does have a place in west palm beach
[Music]
nothing in Laurens room it's going to
let them get the best of us as soon as
they come home we're going to confront
them with the evidence and find out what
they're up to tonight I'll take Brian
you take Lauren gotcha I'll cr*ck our
like an egg on Sunday morning put some
bacon maybe some of those little
cinnamon bun no no biscuits no farmers
bill stay focused okay we got to be
together on this we have to show them
what happens when we stay united will be
like Superman and Wonder Woman I'm not
dressing like Wonder Woman fine I'll
return it hey guys we need to talk to
the two of you yeah Lauren in the
kitchen with me Brian upstairs with your
mother she's gonna work you over like
she's Lara Croft Tomb Raider I'm not
gonna happen
[Music]
so anything you want to tell me about
what's going on tonight no that's all
right we got nothing but time for the
pretty hot in here huh actually it's not
too bad oh then I guess you won't be
needing this no I have my own what
happened to my wall we're not here to
talk about your wall we should be
there's a gaping hole in it Oh your
closet door was locked it wasn't locked
the door knob stakes i vas dad's it fix
it like a hundred times oh yeah so you
expect me to believe that you asked your
father to fix it a hundred times and he
never oh well that makes sense so why
not be huh tell me about these their
fake IDs I made then so you admit it yes
aha wait why would you admit I made him
for a report I did in my journalism
class about how easy it is to get fake
IDs it made the front page of the school
paper oh please I think if you had an
article on the front page of the school
paper I would have known about it I gave
it to you to read you said you loved it
oh yeah that was a great article
mr. favorite part the part about I'm not
the one on trial here you better start
giving some answers because your sister
is down there right now spilling her
guts now I'm gonna ask you one more time
I'm gonna tell you one more time you
could not have any of my cream soda Cara
be a baby so hot in here why don't you
turn off the oven why why because the
Heat's getting to you hon you're about
to cr*ck haha yeah just looks with me
now about these fake IDs I told you
Bryan made them for an article he wrote
in a school paper mom didn't tell you
about it no she didn't and your mother
tells me everything maybe she was
distracted that was a day of record date
date well yeah she was trying to b*at a
speeding ticket she told you about
speeding ticket right yes okay smart guy
you're so innocent how do you explain
this big giant black box full of money
it's my money where'd you get it I have
a job why do you keep it hidden in your
closet because you and dad are always
borrowing my money I'm still waiting for
the 60 bucks dad took last Friday when
he went to the bar with Fitz last Friday
he was watching Tina yeah he took her
with him 15 it to a bar yeah she ate six
pickled eggs you want to bet six pickled
eggs on Friday night that explains
Saturday morning feelin any better yeah
yeah thanks for the cream soda I got a
little overheated can I talk to you
you took our daughter to a bar what last
Friday you took kina to a bar r & Grill
but I guess you couldn't read the whole
sign as you were speeding by this court
date please you taking Tina to a bar is
much worse than me getting a couple of
speeding ticket a couple of speeding
tickets oh my god what Oh bill don't you
see what they're doing Brian and Lauren
are turning us against each other
they're good real good well that's about
this stuff we're going in there as a
team and we're gonna find out what's
going on tonight wait Lauren go O'Brien
Laura Brian Lauren just drove away in
advance what why didn't you stop them um
i was gonna throw myself under the rear
wheels but this is new outfit I can't
believe they left what didn't you tell
them they need to stay have you told
them they had to stay I mean Judy oh oh
they're good they're really that's it
we've really got to stick together now
Zack cream soda nope
[Music]
Tina you hear things and while it's good
to keep some secrets other secrets need
to be told Danny just Miguel bar I think
we're trying to find out if you know
where Brian and Lauren are they said
they're getting presents for being the
best people in school Taman they got to
her ok you're all done here daddy took
me to a racetrack till I said you're
done and it was a petting zoo you want
to test done have you checked at brians
computer maybe you left a trail that's a
good idea checking on my son's computers
how I found out he was gay a lot of gay
websites know when I went into his room
to check his computer he was necking
with some guy let's go up to Brian's
room check out his computer reesie thank
God I found that receipt from the urban
layer we wouldn't have known any of this
was going on wait the urban layer the
tattoo parlor tattoo parlor I hate kids
password password we need Brian's
password try Sondheim well you really
know your kid yes I do let's see where
he's been US Senate Hubble telescope
lucky jackpot casino I'll go to that it
is an online casino say it seems as
though Brian set up an account here oh
my god that's what this is about the
whispering the fake IDs check it out
blackjack roulette bill we got a problem
the urban layers att*ck to parlor you
think Lauren got a tattoo well I don't
know the receipt was for only thirty
dollars yeah it's probably a deposit
sometimes they recommend people pick out
a design and then sleep on it so a
stupid teenager can come to her senses
all right now a slightly drunk woman who
wanted to commemorate the passing of her
count
bill learn to be down there getting a
tattoo using one of Brian's fake ID
which he's also using to gamble online
you will in to get down there we've got
to figure out a way to close down his
account gambling tattoos who do our kids
think they are limp biscuit times like
this I'm happy to just have a normal gay
son
[Music]
excuse me within a minute maybe this is
a misunderstanding i mean but Laura
really get a tattoo are you kidding this
is totally the kind of stupid thing I
would have done when I was her age
permanently scarring my body with some
tacky hey Sheree is really nice all
right this little earring with a chain
on it huh that's where there's only one
maybe it's not an earring maybe it's a
belly button ring lower also available
as a clip-on oh I was wondering have you
seen either one of these kids in here no
not him she looks familiar she does you
gave my underage daughter a tattoo now
I'm thinking about it I've never seen
her before in my life I know you yeah
I've been in here before I almost got a
kitty cat tattoo no we did it at a party
once get it the dealer is showing a
three feeling a vibe here hit it believe
you listen to me if you want to buy no
what's that well I said I am an instant
message from one of Brian's friends i am
still meeting talking a lot behind
school syt syt it's going to be code for
something that's you there so they're
meeting behind the school where you
remember all the trouble we used to get
into buying the school and if those
walls could talk sometimes they did man
unfortunately no no remember told me to
put down the bong and go to college
behind the school okay I'm kind of in
the middle of something right now be
there as soon as I can't are we almost
done here sure if your favorite band is
Aerosmith ok I found Brian's van but he
wasn't in it cars here yeah there's a
light on inside you think it could be in
there I bet they are number one we used
to get the munchies and break into the
cafeteria pair off go down to the gym
get out the mats you think it's just
jammed congratulations Brian on your
journalism award now Brian isn't the
only Miller being honored tonight the
performing arts award goes to Lauren
Miller Miller family has a lot to be
proud of and alessia changes
please make your way to the nearest x
daddy please don't leave Nick you wait
where did you to tell us you were
getting awards tonight believe it or not
we thought you might embarrass us why
would you think that look around well
you're not completely innocent I know
all about your online gambling mr. what
you mean the account set up to research
my article on fake IDs the one I just
want to award for okay that settles it
someone in this family's got to read
this article and tell me all about it
what about your little trip to the urban
layer for a tattoo want to explain that
I can't get a tattoo i bought this
necklace to wear here tonight why didn't
you tell me that if I knew you'd want to
borrow it and I'd never see it again
that would look cute on me how do you
think I would get a tattoo that's so
tattoos can be tasteful
yes your trailer trash trailer trash you
got a tattoo I didn't get a big one cool
you thought we were going to break into
the school but you did you thought I was
getting a tattoo but you got one and
just on a hunch dad how much did you
lose gambling on my account 300 bucks I
am sorry that we put our stuff on you
you are not up so you're much better
kids than we were and we are thankful
for that we're sorry for embarrassing
you and we're really proud of you for
winning these awards fine fine there's
reception for all the winners that Miss
Crawford's house if you want to barge in
and ruin that too i can give you the
address no no no we're done for the
night we'll see you know and to show you
how much we trust you we're extending
your curfew till 12 have you
believe him I can't believe they bought
that sorry about the reception jorma
dropping you oh the party by the lake
bring it Brian Miller of West Palm Beach
Florida will be trying to get into uncle
salty snooty palace okay that should do
it now you cannot tell anybody where you
got this ID him 25 m yeah can you shave
another five pounds off yeah it could
take a while thank you
[Music]
I wouldn't have it any
wait cuz you make me
[Applause]
02x21 - Still in Cahoots
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.