01x03 - Looking at Your Browser History

f*ck! Look at this thing.

It's huge!


I'm so excited.


I didn't think I was gonna be this excited.

I'm so glad we are done with that f*cking game, right?

Yes. Congratulations, by the way.

You too. Look at that view!

Now that is impressive.

This is amazing!




Hello there.

You know what? I'm gonna put the whole Richie thing behind me.

I'm just gonna have fun and geek out.

We should get totally drunk in this.

Oh my God!

This is incredible!

Oh, it's my perfect utopia.

Sailors giving out free drinks.


Hello, sir. Thank you so much. You've made my night.



We f*cking deserve this.


Announcer: Welcome to "Naval Destroyer"!



But they keep telling us that we have to expand our demographic, and then they force us to make a game where you can't even play as a female.

And I'm a guy and I always play as a female.

But that's...

And before you say it, it's not because I'm gay.


There's nothing to be ashamed of, buddy.

I'm not ashamed.

And FYI, this is the gayest game in the history of the world.

(Laughing) Right?

I mean, first of all, there's a lot of seamen in it.

And from over here, the title of the poster looks like "a**l Destroyer."

Now you guys made it, so it's not...

So why do you play as the woman?

Well... maybe it is because I'm gay, but not for the reason you might think.

Women are the outsiders in games, and I relate to that.

Gay people get it.

Does that answer your question?

(Mock British accent) "Why do you play as a woman?"


British people are awful.

The worst.

(Dance music playing)

Okay, move a little to the left.

You're blocking my view.

All right, jeez.

What should we talk about, all right?

We want to seem nonchalant.

Let's talk about the Middle East.

No, he can't even hear us anyway.

Oh, sh1t. Okay.


He has got a very gay laugh.

Very gay laugh.

You can't have a gay laugh.

Yes, you can. Believe me.

No no! You have to be subtle.


Less teeth.

Okay. All right, bring it down.

(Clears throat) Oh my God.

He is so gay.

He is gay gay gay.

The gayest thing I've ever seen on two legs, I'm sure of it. How much you want to bet?

Two dollars.

Two dollars?


I'll bet you a thousand dollars that man is gay.

All right, deal.


All right. Oh sh1t. f*ck. He's on the move.

He's on the move. I'm gonna go get him.

Calm down. Deep breaths.


Keep it together.

(Exhales) All right.

Cheers. You're about to owe me a thousand dollars.

All right.


(Militaristic drumming)

You gonna try it out?


Do you want to play?



Are these things real?

Yeah, I think so.

That's cool, right?

Real torpedoes.

Ooh! It's cold.


(Clear throat)


Let's do this.

(Punching, grunting on TV)

You... are... seriously good.

Well, I f*cking should be.

We have mandatory play day every Friday.



Didn't see that coming.

Good... f*cking move.

Thank you.

So... did you buy my theory from earlier?

Oh, about who plays who?



So, um... who do you... you know...

Oh, play as?


Do you play as the... f*ck you.

Do you play as the...

As the woman?

Well, you know, the lady.

(Mock British accent) Do you play as the British lady or the bloke?

Which one is it?


You're asking if I'm gay, aren't you?



I am.

I am... gay.


That's cool.


Cool? Okay. Is that what it is?

(Laughs) Yeah.

You know, we never have any gay guys around here.

Not that I'm suggesting that we're gonna hook up, of course.

Of course.

Unless, you know, I let you win a couple more games...

Well, I have a boyfriend.


I was just trying to be funny anyway.

f*ck you, f*ck you.

So you're based in Seattle, yeah?



Live here now.

I'm setting up a new team now that you guys have launched.



I start tomorrow.

As in you could be my new boss?

(Grunting on TV)


Well, that sounds very formal.

But... yeah.

I suppose.

It's true. Dean just told me.

He starts tomorrow, and he's picking his team for "The Infinite."

Oh, f*ck. Owen, you have no idea.

I'm sure you were fine.

No, I asked out my boss while straddling a torpedo.

(Laughs) And he said no.

I don't know why you're laughing.

If I don't get on his team, neither do you.

(Seriously) You need to apologize.


(Distant laughter)


(Trolley bell dings)

Doris: Okay, you are freaking me out.


Why, because I'm in a good mood?

Yes. I don't think I've seen you this perky since you dragged me to see "Miss Congeniality," and that was a very long time ago.

What can I say? I'm in a good mood.

Oh, stop it. (Laughs)

You know what? (Humming) In some weird f*cked up way, I think seeing Ethan has kind of... not helped me, because I don't want to give that m*therf*cker credit.

Yeah, exactly. And you shouldn't.

Yeah, but it has, and you're just gonna have to embrace that.

Oh, I will. I will. It's like a lunar eclipse.

I'm gonna get my shades and a picnic.

I'm gonna take this in. It's gonna make me go blind.

Why the picnic? I don't understand.

(Dance music playing)

I think I'm finally gonna do it.

Do what?

You know.



The restaurant?

Where are you, really?

Yeah, and don't say I'm crazy.

No, I wasn't gonna say that.

I think that's a great idea. I do. I think it sounds amazing.

But... and I hate to say this, but...


I have my plans.

She's killing me.

Where'd you get these placemats?

I stole them... from Target.

In Oakland a week and she's already a hood rat.

Well, you know, I gots to take care of my man.

So, uh, I want to skip work today and stay home and practice.

You want to hang out? I want to play you something.

I can't. After spending three weeks putting up Stina's piece of sh1t, now I gotta take it back down again.

Mmm! I was, um... talking to Pauline about her gallery space, and she... What?

Don't even think about it, Franklin.

No no.

She was just asking if you had anything you wanted to show, so I just thought I'd ask.

Come on. There's no way she asked you that.

She did. I'm asking you.

If you don't have anything to show, it's not a big deal.

Well, I don't. You know that I don't.

I know you don't.

But maybe you could.

We could clear out the shed.

I never use that stupid weight bench.

Yeah, maybe you should.


I need to work out more.

(People chattering)


Kevin: ...by your department.

So I'm...

I'm doing that right now.

Uh, so...

When it comes to the...

Do you know what? Do you have an extension?

I need to call you back.

Great. I will call you back later.

Thank you so much. Okay, bye-bye.

Hello, Patrick.



Good morning.

Good morning.

Listen, I hope you don't mind. I just wanted to come in and apologize for last night.

For what?

Well, you know, I was a little drunk, and I hope that I didn't come across as...


Well, as you know, one of those guys that... (Inhales sharply)

Yeah, it's fine. It's fine.

I should have told you I was starting here before you went too far.

Thank you.

Listen, I would also love it if you could consider me and my lead artist Owen for the new game. I know you guys are just getting started...

Yeah, it's not early days, unfortunately.

We've got a very short development window.

That's perfect.

Then I'm your man.


Well, it will be 24/7. Would you be okay with that?


Are you sure?


Because I was checking out your performance earlier.

Well then you'll see...

Do you realize we log all of your internet activity here?


And it seems you've been visiting certain websites... a lot.

Uh, OKCupid... and... what is it?

Is it ManCunt?

Uh, ManHunt, actually.

I was just showing Owen. It was just educational.

Sorry about that. I read that wrong.

Uh, no, that's fine.

I mean, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Just... just be careful what you look at during work hours.

Sends a certain message. (Cellphone ringing)


Take it. I've got to make a call anyway.

It was good to see you again. (Stammers)

Okay, that was really bad timing.

No, not today.

No, I can't. Today's not good.


Okay, I'll be there.


(Drill whirring)

Stina: You've got to be more careful with this.

I was careful.

Seriously, I don't want to get to London and find that nothing fits and it all looks like sh1t. (Scoffs)

(Drill whirrs)

If you have something to say about the work, you should just say it.

Come on, Stina. There's no point in commenting on a finished piece.

It's not your best work.

If I'm really being honest, I don't like it.

Stina: Why?

(Sighs) Look at it.

It's a bunch of furniture stacked up.

It's got no meaning, it has no perspective.

It's like a chair apocalypse.

Four days before I show. Thank you for that.

I'm sorry. I was just trying to be honest.

I really look forward to seeing some of your work in the future.

Oh wait, that would mean you would have to make something, wouldn't it?

f*ck off, Stina, really.

Actually, yeah.

We're done.

Done? What do you mean "we're done"?

I mean we're done.

I need somebody working for me who actually wants to work for me.

Fine. Good luck in London.

I'm sure they'll love your f*cking chairs.

(Drill clatters)

Oh, then you have a serious misunderstanding of the word "flattery."

He took the time to search through your internet records.

I know. Hasn't that been banned?

I know I signed some Facebook campaign having something to do with privacy.

And what's wrong with having a life outside of work?

This is San Francisco. That's why I live here.

If I didn't want to have a life, I'd move to LA.

Yeah, then you could hang out with Ethan and use Eastern Philosophy to justify being a dick.

I just wish I could control my stupid mouth.

Um, wasn't this lunch supposed to be about me?

Oh my God, yes.

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

I think it's an amazing idea.


Of course I do!

I'm excited for you. It's about f*cking time.

It's what you've always wanted.



Tell me how much you love chicken.

Oh my God.

I f*cking love chicken.


It's the queen of meats.

It is the queen of meats.

It's the meat to beat.

(Laughs) It's the meat to beat.

I gotta get to work. Will you walk me?


All right.

(Cellphone buzzes)


Crappy day?

I got fired, so...

Would you like a job?

(Scoffs) No.

Then it's a good day.

(Cellphone ringing)



I can do that. Just text me your address.

It's 220.

An hour.

Great. I'll see you later.

That's a healthy hourly rate.

Well, people are into beards.

You should consider a career move.

I'd lose the icing though.



So, um... you're a...?

s*x worker?

You can say it.

Do you want my card?

I just got new ones printed in matte finish.

Oh my God. That's so professional.

Well, some people are good with numbers, they become accountants.

I'm useless with numbers but very good at s*x.


You just... you put it out there.

You got no qualms about telling strangers?

This is what I do.

If I was embarrassed about it, I wouldn't do it.

Taj: It's a hard f*cking sell, Dom.

Does anyone even know what Portuguese chicken is?

It's a peri-peri.

I know that.

Does anyone else?

That's what Twitter's for.

Look what happened to Todd, and he already had a restaurant.

And that one lasted, what, for like three months?

That's because nobody even likes meatballs.

Who wants to go out to dinner and eat f*cking meatballs?

I'm not saying yours is not a good idea.

Taj, I get we need investors. All right? I do.

But that's why I need you on board.

Come on.

This is our moment. We talked about this.


I'm sorry, buddy. I just can't risk it.

If they find out that I'm leaving, I'm screwed.

But if you come up with the money...

Yeah, I get it. I get it.

I get it. It's okay.


We need to figure that sh1t out.

You know, I heard he already hired Joseph?

B.O. Joe?


Oh, God.

All right. You know what?

If we don't make it on Kevin's game, then we'll just look at it as an opportunity.

Maybe this corporate environment is choking our creativity anyway.

This could be our opportunity to take control of our lives.

Are you talking about being unemployed?

Are you crazy?

I'm Asian, all right?

Our DNA rends itself apart when we lose our jobs.

It's scary and ugly.

We should avoid it.


We'll figure something out.




(Lock clicks)

(Silverware clinking)


(Indistinct chatter)

(Chuckles) Hey.

What the f*ck are you doing here?

I had a bad f*cking day.

Oh, good.

Me too.

Want to get drunk?

No, I had too much to drink last night.

You want to get Thai food?



Your feet smell.

No, please. Stop.


I'm gonna order.


Patrick: Kevin Matheson.

Oh, I can't believe he has a Wikipedia page.

I found him. Here he is.

This is kind of a really good picture of him.

He doesn't normally look this good, but yeah.

What do you think?

You want to f*ck him?

No, I do not want to f*ck him.

He's an asshole and he made me feel stupid.

'Cause he wouldn't f*ck you?

No, because he's an asshole and he made me feel stupid.

And more than that, he's got the wrong impression of me, and I f*cking hate that.

It seems like all I do lately is give people the wrong impression.

I got fired today.


How is that not the first thing you told me?

What are you gonna do?

Okay, stop asking so many questions.

Okay. It's just... major news. Jesus.

I don't know.

Would you have s*x with him?



With those ears? I mean, those ears are big.

Yeah, he's like the white Will Smith.

(Pop music playing)

(Showers running)

Agustin: I mean, he owned what he does.

Oh, so you want to be a prostitute now?

It doesn't seem like a very smart career move.

It'd be nice to make some money though.

Yeah, that's true.

Hey, do you think that people fetishize thick thighs?

If I was a prostitute, that could be my thing.

He was proud of what he does.

If I'm being honest, it made me totally f*cking jealous.

I'm good.

Jealous because people pay him for s*x?

When was the last time you heard me call myself an artist?

Oh my God. You say it all the time.

No, I don't. I don't ever say it.

I mean, not out loud.

I don't think that really matters.

When's the last time you heard me say out loud that I'm a level designer?

Yeah, but that's different.

You don't want to be known as a level designer, because you want to be more than that.


I can't call myself an artist, 'cause I don't do sh1t.


You know what?


I don't know if either of us are... very good at being who we think we are.

Maybe we need to try a little harder.

(Pop music playing)

Lynn: Is that to keep the energy up?

It's been a long day.


For what?

No one really likes to talk in these places anymore, do they?

Did they ever?

Sure, they used to.

They had bands sometimes. Food.

Still had s*x, but it was friendlier.


You always lived in the city?

Well, I wasn't born here, of course, but... I heard the siren, and west I came. (Laughs)

I bet it was cool back then.

"Back then."

Suddenly feel like I'm 103.

Oh, I'm sorry. (Both laugh)


No, but it was. It really was. And then it wasn't.

I'm Lynn.


Very formal, isn't it?


Seeing as how we're both naked underneath these towels.


I have the florist shop on Castro.

Oh, sh1t. "Buds"?

Yeah, that's me.

Oh, man, you're like an institution.

That makes me sound like the Gay Man's Chorus.

Everyone likes them in principle, but no one wants to hear them actually sing.

We use your flowers at Zuni.

I work there.

I know.

I recognized you.


Yeah, you're somewhat of an institution too.


Well, he's looking very determined.

Yes, he is.

You should go for it.


I think I will.


We should grab lunch or something sometime.

Lynn: You know where I am.


(Mouse clicks)


(Train rattling)



Can I talk to you for a minute?


I want you to know that I do care about this job.

A lot.

This is all I've ever wanted to do.

Okay, good.

But I also want to have a life, and I'm pretty sure that I can do both and not let you down.

What's this?

It's a new build for "Naval Destroyer"...


...with a playable female character.


Take a seat.


You do know I was kind of f*cking with you before?

What do you mean?

You were always gonna be on my team.



But commitment looks good on you.

All right. (Keyboard clicking)

Let's play.