06x01 - Come Fly with Me

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Full House". Aired: September 1987 to May 1995.*
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A widower enlists help to raise his three daughters..
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06x01 - Come Fly with Me

Post by bunniefuu »

[♪♪♪]

JESSE: Becky, I told you,
we're not cutting their hair.

Run from Mommy. Run from Mommy.

Run. Run, run, run. Run
from Mommy. Come on.

Jess, come on,
you're being ridiculous.

Beck, it took us forever
to grow their hair this long.

Not a cut. Just a little trim.

Don't even kid.

Uncle Jesse, why do you
care so much about hair?

All right, everybody.
Come on, gather around.

I'm gonna give you
guys a little life lesson.

Oh, I can't wait to hear this.

Now, here's my theory.

When you're a baby, you're bald.

[BABBLING] That's right.

And when you get
old, again, boom, bald.

But that magic in-between time,
that's the important time, guys.

That's when you
gotta grow your hair,

nurture it with the
proper accouterments,

and then flaunt it.

Huh, guys? That sound good? Hm?

Do you know what I
like best about your hair?

The silky sheen,
the, uh, natural luster?

No. I like to mess it up!

Hey, hold it!

I just moussed! I just moussed!

[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

♪ Whatever happened
To predictability ♪

♪ The milkman The paperboy ♪

♪ Evenin' TV? ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪

♪ A hand to hold on to ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a face ♪

♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪

[♪♪♪]

All right boys, rock 'n' roll!

That's good.

All right. Okay.

Very good. Now cut. Okay.

Stop, please. Stop, st...

"Cut" means Daddy
has a headache.

You guys were good.

I could've used you
on tour this summer.

That's it. Rock 'n' roll.

Next time we go out,

you guys will be my little
rug-rat roadies, okay?

Jess, the mail's here.
Billboard magazine.

Give me. Give me.

Don't be nervous. I'm not.

Nicky, Alex, your
daddy's nervous.

I am not nervous.

This is where a whole summer
of touring pays off, okay.

Here it is. Here it is.

The hot 100 singles.

Let's see, last week,
"Forever" was 68.

Let's see where it sh*t
up to this week, shall we?

"Forever," "Forever,"
"Forever," Forever,"

"Forever,"
"Forever," "Forever..."

This is taking
forever. Ha. Jess,

uh, does it really matter
about these charts?

I mean, does it really
matter if you're one or 99?

Well, yeah, I'd...
I'd rather be one.

Well, of those two,

what would be
your second choice?

I'm 99!

Well, honey, you're
still in the top 100.

I mean, you're doing better
than that one guy there.

I'm gonna get Nicky and
Alex ready to go to Aunt Ida's.

Come on, boys. This way.

Come on, Nick. This way.

Come on, come on, Come on.

Where's Dad? Where's Joey?
We gotta get to the airport.

Don't just sit there.

D.J.'s coming back from Spain.

Girls, relax. We
have plenty of time.

I can't wait till she gets back.

D.J. is gonna save my summer.

What are you talking about?

You had a good summer.
You went to day camp.

Oh, yeah. Camp Day O' Fun.

I was the oldest camper there.

The other kids
called me "ma'am."

This is from D.J. See? "D.J."

Can somebody read the rest?

All right! D.J.'s bringing
home a big surprise.

I knew she'd come through.

Did you see the word
present? It starts with a P.

Well, she doesn't say,
but that's gotta be it.

And after she gives
us our presents,

she'll probably wanna
spend all her time with us,

'cause she missed us like crazy.

Okay, everybody.

D.J.'s plane has been in the air
exactly 13 hours and 7 minutes.

Now, allowing for
headwinds and turbulence,

that means right about now
she's over Saskatchewan

enjoying a diet soda and her
second bag of honey-glazed nuts.

I hope she didn't rent one
of those headsets though.

You never know whose
ears they've been in.

Danny, relax. Please,
breathe with me.

In... Out.

Jess, I don't need to breathe.

Well, I do every
once in a while.

I can't believe she's
been gone for eight weeks.

I miss her so much.
I can't wait for her

to get off that plane
and jump into my arms.

We're gonna be late.
Everybody just relax.

Now, look at this. We
have... We have an hour.

How long's it take to
drop the kids off at Ida's

and get to the airport?
Fifty-seven minutes.

Girls, let's move it.
Move, move, move.

Joey, Rebecca, if
you're not downstairs

in 10 seconds, we're
leaving without you.

Okay. Okay, you guys, I'm sorry.

I'm going crazy.

Yesterday, I met this
incredible woman at the beach.

She could possibly be the
future Mrs. Joey Gladstone.

We could spend the
rest of our lives together.

Now if I could just
find her phone number.

Have you checked your
Snagglepuss bathing suit?

Yes, I checked there
already. This is so pathetic.

Not as pathetic as a grown man

in a Snagglepuss bathing suit.

All right. Come on,
everybody. Let's go.

Becky!

Don't you know her
name? Of course I do.

It's, uh... It's
Mary... something.

I'll think of it. I just
have to clear my head.

Oh, that shouldn't take long.

Okay. The boys are ready.

For what, the Eddie
Munster look-alike contest?

You know what Aunt Ida says.

With the hair over their
eyes, she can't see their faces.

Yes, but on the plus side,
they can never see hers.

Get the hair looking
cool. Attaboy.

Now you're having a
proper hair day. Let's go.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, D.J.'s plane
is two minutes late,

we're five minutes early, I
got 30 minutes on meter...

Anybody have a calculator?

Or a tranquilizer g*n?

Mary.

Mary Chachinsky!

God bless you.

No, no. That's her
name. Mary Chachinsky.

I'll be right back.

I'm gonna get information
and get her number.

Excuse me.

Oh, an autograph. Heh.

You see? I may have
slipped a little in the charts,

but the true fans
still know who I am.

Who are you?

I just wanted to know if
you dropped your pen.

That is my pen.

You'll be sorry. This
is Jesse Katsopolis!

Sweetheart, it's okay.

No, it's not okay. He
is gonna be a big star,

and then you'll be begging
him for his autograph!

What are you guys
looking at? Go.

The show's over. Scatter. Go on.

Yes, that's "Chachinsky."

You spell it just
the way it sounds:

C-H... Chinsky.

Oh, come on. You're
directory assistance.

Get your directory
and assist me.

Hello? Hello?

[AS POPEYE] Oh, boy. Alexander
Graham Bell started this whole thing.

Come on, Joey.
D.J.'s plane is here.

I can't wait to
see that surprise.

I hope it fits in the car.

Girls, we're here to see D.J.

It doesn't matter
what she brought us.

Isn't Spain noted for
their leather goods?

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Los Tanneritos. Mi familia.

Hi, Kimmy. JESSE: Hi, Kim.

Kimmy, where is su familia?

My family? Yeah. Remember them?

Sure I do. They said
to come home with you.

They figured you'd be
going out for a fancy dinner,

and you would treat me.

You know, I haven't
had a good lobster...

ever.

Wouldn't it be great
if they could lose

the passengers
instead of the luggage?

Where's D.J.?

I don't know.

All I'm looking at is Romeo
and Juliet over there.

That girl Juliet looks like D.J.

Hi, everybody!

Hey. Welcome home.

Good to see you.

So, D.J., what's
the big surprise?

Oh, right.

Everybody, this is Steve.

ALL: Hi, Steve.

So, D.J., what's
the big surprise?

Steve is the surprise.

We're going together.

Surprise.

So, uh...

You guys all came in one car?

Excuse me. Let
me get this straight.

He's the surprise?

It's now official. My
summer is down the tubes.

Ask her where our presents are.

[AS DON CORLEONE] Steve.

Welcome to the family, my son.

Someday, we may
call on you for a favor.

And when I do,
Steve... Michael...

What I think the
godfather is trying to say is,

what exactly do you two
mean by "going together"?

Come on, Mr. T.,
you're not that old.

It means they can't keep
their paws off each other.

Silencio, el big mouth.

Sí. Adios. Hasta la baggage.

Well, you guys remember Steve.

We went out a
couple times last year.

ALL: Uh-huh.

Funny, I don't recall
your mentioning

that he was going
to Spain with you.

I didn't even know he was
in the foreign-study program

until we saw each other
on the flight over there.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

En inglés, por favor.

Mr. Tanner, sir, I
just want you to know

that your daughter's
been in good hands.

We don't want her in any hands.

Uh, you know, Deej,

I told my folks I'd meet
them at baggage claim.

I'll catch you down there.

Uh... [CHUCKLES]

Great seeing you all again.

I can't believe this. You're
treating me like a child.

Well, D.J., you're not
acting like an adult.

Making out in an
international terminal?

What will people
think of America?

Oh, Dad.

You know what? Could you,
uh, excuse us for a moment?

Oh, sure. Jess,
let's go call Aunt Ida.

Why?

Ow! Oh, that's why.

You, too. Ow!

I don't have an Aunt Ida.

Dad, how could you embarrass
me in front of Steve like that?

I'm sorry. I thought when
you were getting off the plane,

you'd be kissing us.

Hm. Maybe I should have
prepared you a little more for Steve.

It would've helped.

A lot.

D.J., I knew when you
went to Spain that you'd be...

going out with boys. I...

I just thought you'd
leave them there.

Dad, Steve is a great guy.

He's a senior. He's
on the wrestling team.

He recycles.

I'm sure he's wonderful.

Honey, I want to know
everything about your trip.

You've been gone for so long.

You have no idea. I
missed you so much.

I missed you too.

Tell you what.

When we go home,
we'll have a cup of coffee,

and I'll tell you
all about my trip.

That'd be really... Coffee?

Since when do you drink coffee?

Actually, café con leche.

Honey, in this country, we
don't drink cafe con leche.

We drink chocolate milk.

Dad, I'm almost 16.
I've been to Europe.

I really think I'm old enough
to choose my own beverage.

Sweetheart, I didn't choose
my own beverage until I was 21,

and even then, my mom
chose chocolate milk.

Dad, that is so provincial.

Provincial?

Nothing ending in "I-N-S-K-Y?"

I know she's out there.

Well, has a woman called
asking for the phone number

of a Joey Gladstone?

Uh, no, Aunt Ida.

I don't think it's
such a good idea

for you to give
the twins haircuts.

Beck, give me that phone. Ida!

I mean, uh...

I mean, uh, dear, dear Aunt Ida.

Listen, I-I know
you want to help.

You know, give 'em a sandwich.

Uh, give 'em a bath.

Give 'em a tattoo if you want.

Just don't cut their hair.

Hey, kid.

Are you coming or going?

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

If you say so.

I think she's from
another country.

Duh.

Actually,

we're the International
Young People's Choir.

We're on our world tour.
We've been to 14 countries.

Fascinating.

We've been to Nowheresville.

Is that where I
got sick in the car?

Heh, heh. Kids.

So, what's your name?

Terry. Hi. I'm Stephanie.

WOMAN: Come
on, kids. We're going.

I'm sorry. I have to go now.

Oh. Right now?

You can come
aboard and see us off.

Why, thank you.

Come on, Michelle.

Follow that hunk.

But I wanna see D.J.

Well, she doesn't
want to see us.

All she cares about is Steve.

At least we'll have five
minutes of fun this summer.

Yeah. Later for her.

Coffee is just hot
water and beans,

but chocolate milk
does a body good.

Hang on, hang on.
I'm trying to count kids.

MICHELLE: Stephanie, are
you sure Dad won't be mad?

STEPHANIE: Relax, we'll be
back before he knows we're gone.

Hi. Nice to meet you.
Stephanie Tanner, U.S.A.

Stephanie Tanner, U.S.A.

Michelle Tanner, C-A-T.

Michelle.

That's all I could spell.

Okay, children,
please find your seats.

I get the window.

Michelle, what are you doing?

We're not going anywhere.

Can't we just pretend?

No. Hello, Stephanie.

Hi.

Maybe for a minute.

Goodbye, everyone.
We're going to...

Excuse me. Where
is this plane going to?

Auckland.

Oakland? That's
right across the bay.

Why don't they just drive there?

Ladies and gentlemen,
prepare for takeoff.

Please fasten your seat belts.

Oh, no! We're moving!

Time out. Hit the
brakes. This is our stop.

Come on, now, there's
nothing to be afraid of.

But we gotta get
off. Believe me,

airplanes are the
safest form of travel.

But... Besides, you
should be used to traveling.

Now, relax and buckle up. But...

It's the law.

You heard her.
Buckle up. It's the law.

Mm-hm? Excuse me.

I'm, uh, doing a
report for school.

Mm-hm?

I was wondering,
what would happen

if someone snuck on a
plane without a ticket?

Well, they'd be a stowaway,
which is a federal crime.

That person could go to
prison for a long, long time.

Great. I'll put
that in my report.

I'm really not in the
mood to go to prison.

We're not going to prison,

we're just going to Oakland.

We should be there
in about five minutes.

And we'll call
Dad to pick us up.


I'm sure he'll see the
humor in the situation.

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Flight 40.

We should be arriving
at our destination,

Auckland, New
Zealand, in 14 hours.

Auckland, New Zealand?!

Fourteen hours?!

[BOTH YELLING]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Stephanie, do
they have ice cream

in New Zealand?

I don't know, Michelle. I've
never been to New Zealand.

But they probably do, right?

Who cares?

Don't you understand
we're going to jail?

Oh, right.

Do they have ice cream in jail?

Michelle, try to
stay with me on this.

We are looking at hard time.

I've got 14 hours
to figure out a plan.

Now, the key is,
don't act suspicious

and stay calm.

Beverage? All right, we did it!

We snuck on the plane.

Please, please, please
have mercy on us.

That was your plan?

Hi, is this Mary?

Mary Czechinski?

C-Z-E-C-H-I-N-S-K-I?

Yes! I finally found you.

It's... It's me, Joey Gladstone.
Remember? From the beach?

You loved my impressions,

especially my Tasmanian Devil.

[GIBBERING LIKE TASMANIAN DEVIL]

No, wait. Don't...
Don't call the police.

This is Mary, right?
With the long, blond hair?

Short, blue hair.

Eighty-six years old. Heh.

Are you single?

Yes, Ida. Listen,
we will cut their hair.

No, no. It'll... It'll be
before hell freezes over.

Yeah, I was kind of thinking
maybe when pigs fly. Yeah.

Excuse me.

Aren't you Jesse, from
Jesse and the Rippers?

Gotta go, Ida.

Why, yes I am. Hi.

Hi. I saw you play last month
at the Boise Bowl-O-Rama.

You were excellent.

Really?

I was excellent.

Uh, what's your name?

Roberta. Roberta, hi.

Nice to see you, Roberta.

Hey, everybody, this
is Roberta, my fan.

Oh, I see you got a camera.

You want a picture
of us together?

Oh, no, that's okay.
It's no inconvenience.

Just smile. Ready?
And smile. Really...

There we go. Nice picture.

Can you send me a copy of this?

Honey, do you have a
pen? We'll give her our add...

There's a one-hour photo
here. We'll sit down the cafeteria,

talk about the concert.
You wanna do that?

Maybe some other time.
It was nice meeting you.

Nice to meet you,
Roberta. Hey, thanks.

You forgot your camera.

ROBERTA: Keep it!

What's her problem?

Oh, you know how those fans are.

They get so tired of
being mobbed by big stars.

Think I came on a little strong?

Jess, you practically
mugged her.

Guys. Guys.

Michelle, uh,
Stephanie... On a... On a...

Uh, uh... Turkey. Turkey.

Nah. That's not...
This is a turkey.

Gobble, gobble. That's a pigeon.

[WHISTLING] Now
you're doing a seagull.

Hey. What Dad is trying to say,

is that he just
talked to security,

and Stephanie and Michelle
are on a plane to New Zealand.

Thank you.

What? They gotta stop the plane.

Dad tried. They won't
turn the plane around.

They said as soon as the
plane lands in New Zealand,

they'll put the girls on
the next flight back here.

My little girls must
be scared to death.

♪ Drivin' six white
horses When she comes ♪

ALL: ♪ Yee-haw ♪

♪ She'll be drivin' six White
horses when she comes ♪

ALL: ♪ Yee-haw ♪

I think somebody forgot
to sing the yee-haws.

I'm too depressed to yee-haw.

When Dad gets ahold of us,

the only song we're
gonna be singing is

"We'll be Grounded for Life"

♪ We'll be grounded
for life When he comes ♪

ALL: ♪ Yee-haw ♪

ALL: ♪ We'll be grounded
for life When she comes ♪

♪ Yee-haw ♪

♪ We'll be grounded
for life, We'll be... ♪

[♪♪♪]

Here we are, back
home safe and sound.

Thanks, Susie. New
Zealand was so fun.

Michelle, that
wasn't New Zealand.

That was the airport gift shop.

Here comes Dad.

Act sad so he'll
feel sorry for us.

A little more lip.

Perfect.

Girls. Oh, thank
God you're okay.

JESSE: All right?

I am so sorry.

I imagine this sort of
thing happens all the time.

Not really. Bye, girls.

Bye, Susie!

STEPHANIE: Michelle!

I mean, bye, Susie.

You two have any idea
how worried we were?

Why in the world would you get
on that plane in the first place?

We're really sorry.
It was an accident.

An accident?

You accidentally
walked on the plane,

accidentally sat down,

and accidentally
flew to New Zealand?

Okay.

It was a freak accident.

I don't think they bought it.

You two aren't even
supposed to cross the street

without telling us, let
alone cross the Pacific.

Uh, Dad, can we
discuss this later?

Sure, we'll discuss it later.

Later at home tonight,

later at home
tomorrow, next week,

at your high-school graduations,

for the rest of your lives.

[♪♪♪]

Some fun, huh, Michelle?

Remember on the
plane we kept saying,

"We want to go home,
we want to go home"?

Yeah.

Well, why are we home,

and I want to go
back on the plane?

'Cause we're
grounded for a month.

Any more questions?

Yes. Why do grownups
have hair up their nose?

Hey, how you guys doing?

More questions.

Speaking of
questions, I have one.

Are you nuts?

What made you get on
the plane to New Zealand?

That's two questions.

We had a crummy
summer, then you came back

and didn't even care about us.

We just wanted to have some fun.

What do you mean I
didn't care about you?

You were too busy kissing Steve.

I'm sorry, you guys.

Just because I have a boyfriend

doesn't mean I
don't care about you.

I missed you both like crazy.

You did?

Of course.

Look, a lot of things
changed for me this summer.

One thing that'll never change
is how much I love you guys.

Love you too.

But what if you marry
Steve, and have 10 children,

and two dogs, and a horse,
and live in a big house,

and have one of those bathrooms

where water comes
out of a golden swan...

Steph, trust me. I'll love you.

Okay.

Oh. I almost forgot.

I have presents for you guys.

I knew it!

Not that we were
expecting anything.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

You're welcome. I like it.

[GIRLS CHATTERING]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪
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