02x05 - The Slump

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Baby Daddy". Aired June 2012 - May 2017.*
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A 20-something bachelor bartender gets the surprise of his life when a one night stand leaves his baby at his doorstep. Ben decides to raise his little girl with the help of his friends and family.
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02x05 - The Slump

Post by bunniefuu »

So what do you think, Emma?

Should daddy grow himself a beard?

Maybe help him out with the ladies?

I think he'd have a better sh*t if he wasn't at home on a Saturday night playing baby spa.

How long has it been since you've had a date?

Long.

Too long. I need help, man.

Ugh! What is wrong with me? Look at this highlight reel.

I keep taking the same stupid sh*t over and over.

You're not hitting the rewind button on the remote again, are you?

(Hesitantly) No.

But it doesn't matter.

My game sucks. I haven't scored in six weeks.

Oh, must run in the family.

Coach thinks it's all in my head.

He's actually making me go see the team shrink tomorrow.

(German accent) Daniel Wheeler, sit on the couch and tell me about your mother.

I'm serious. If I don't do something soon, I'm gonna get traded.

Yeah.

Well, if I don't get that promotion, I'm gonna be unbearable.

Yeah, because you're a regular pony ride now.

No, seriously.

What do you guys think of this?

(Clears throat)

My name is Tucker Dobbs...

And I'm here to tell you...

Why I'm the perfect candidate for the associate...

Producer...

Position.

Tucker, just lose the cards and march in there and tell them exactly why you deserve the promotion.

But maybe stand on a chair so you seem more commanding.

There's nothing you can't do if you set your mind to it.

Oh, did you give yourself that talk before or after you decided to stay in and do your kid's hair?

You're right.

There's something wrong when the only person in the room not acting like a baby is the baby.

This slump ends tonight.

We're gonna get mom to babysit and we're going out.

Whoo!

What up, party animals?

Great timing, mom. Can you babysit?

Yeah, sure. Just give me 24 hours' notice.

You know what the best part about living across the street from you guys is?

I can see that I have a life and you don't.

I'm having people over tonight, and I just need to borrow some ice, some beer, some cold cuts, and...

Whatever this is.

(Theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪
♪ Can take your life and change direction. ♪

I got to be honest.

Kinda surprised you're having lunch here today.

Why? It's still free, right?

Yes, I just thought with the great and powerful Fitch back in town, the two of you would be... celebrating.

Are there any words you can't make sound dirty?

No.

Or should I say... no.

So things still going well?

He kind of dropped a giant b*mb on me last night.

Did he break up with you? Is he seeing someone else?

You can tell me anything, I'm a bartender.

He told me he loves me.

How dare he.

I know.

And now he wants to have a talk about our future.

And I mean, we barely just started having a present. I mean...

You don't really want to hear all of this do you?

Of course I do. I'm all ears.

Okay, thank you so much.

It's just...

Hold that thought.

My slump is about to be dumped.

Yup, all ears.

Unfortunately they're in his pants.

Table seven, I'll handle it from here.

Trust me. There's no way they're not gonna be totally blown away.

I know I am and I don't even know what you're talking about.

I like to personally introduce myself to all our first time customers.

I come here everyday.

Do I look like I'm talking to you?

I'm Ben.

Jenna, and everything was great.

Especially the cute, attentive service.

Well, if you want something off the menu, I'm here everyday.

Wow.

That was all shades of nauseating.

And you didn't even get her number.

Call me.

And you were saying?

Hey, what's going on? What's up?

Jenna.

Tucker.

Oh God.

Did you see that girl?

See her? I think there's a pretty good chance she's carrying his child.

That's her. That's Jenna.

The evil queen. Lady do-nothing.

My Nemesis, archenemy, the destroyer of my soul.

So you know her?

That's who I'm up against for the promotion.

Dude, I probably wouldn't get my hopes up, okay?

Her table was full of colored charts and personalized binders.

Personalized binders?

I should have known she'd stop at nothing to get that promotion.

Does she know that you know me?

No, I do not believe your name came up.

Okay, that's perfect.

If she comes in here again, find out everything you can.

I'm gonna need you to go deep undercover.

Honestly, it would be my pleasure.

(Knocking on door)

Oh, sorry.

I'm looking for Dr. Shaw.

Yes. Yes, I'm Dr. Shaw.

(Stutters) Amy. Amy... Dr. Amy Shaw.

You can call me Amy or doctor.

Really, it's totally your choice.

You're really the team shrink?

Yes. Yes, I am. Just started.

Oh, but don't worry.

I have tons of... quite a bit of...

Yes, I am.

So do I just lay down?

You can sit, lay, stand, rock gently in the corner.

Really just however you're most comfortable.

I'm good.

Okay.

All right, so, Danny, I think the first thing we need to do is figure out why you're having so much trouble focusing.

So...

Who's the loud blonde that's always hanging around the rink?

Oh, that's my mom, but if we could leave her out of this, that would be great.

I was actually talking about the other one.

Girlfriend?

You mean Riley.

No, she's a...

Well, she's...

It's complicated.

So why don't you tell me about Riley?

Can we maybe talk about my mom instead?

Not if you want to get better.

Just relax and start at the beginning.

Now take a deep breath.

Yeah, just collect your thoughts.

Danny?

(Snores)

Ah, hey, Wheeler.

Oh, Riley, hi. What are you doing here?

I'm dropping Emma off.

I usually just, you know, leave her on the curb, but she had some packages she needed help with, so...

I'm actually surprised you were willing to take Emma today.

With Fitch back in town, I figured you two would be out celebrating.

What is it with you Wheeler boys?

Honestly, I've been using her to help me avoid having the talk with Fitch.

It's pretty hard to have a serious conversation when someone's teething, so well done, Emma.

Something wrong with you and Fitch?

No, it's just... It's just a timing thing.

Like, we're both on the train to relationship-ville, but I'm on the local and he's on the express.

And one car's gonna get there sooner than the other, right?

I was never a really big fan of word problems.

(Panting)

Finally.

I saw you come home through the window.

Did that therapist turn you against me?

Huh?

It's because I gave you that home perm, isn't it?

What?

No! And you said my hair was naturally curly.

Yeah, well, I'm here to tell you it's a waste of time.

I've been on a shrink's couch before.

You were in therapy?

No, we were dating.

But it's the mother who gets blamed for everything.

What is that? What are you writing?

It's a feelings log.

Dr. Shaw thinks I should keep one.

Can barely scribble out a mother's day card, yet you have no problem telling a complete stranger that I made you wear a dress in the preschool pageant!

Mom!

Well, you were the perfect Annie with that hair.

Just...

You're never fully dressed without a smile.

What is with all the yelling?

I've got a second shift later. I was trying to get some sleep.

Well, I'm done talking.

Is your jaw tired from running your mother into the ground?

It's because I forgot to pick you up from space camp.

Isn't it?

I never went to space camp.

Oh, and I suppose you're gonna blame me for that too!

Oh my God.

You guys are not going to believe this.

Ben was right.

Oh, you're right. I don't believe it.

All right, so if Fitch calls, I'm out with Emma.

Bye, Emma.
What was I right about?

Dude, everything.

Thanks to your heads up on the Jenna front you are looking at the new associate producer of "Chase Live."

That's amazing, dude. Congratulations.

They said it was the best presentation they'd ever seen.

Dude, the job is as good as mine. I totally owe you.

Well, I don't remember if I actually told you or not, but Jenna gave me her number.

So I was wondering...

If you can go out with her?

Yeah, that'd be cool, right?

Not right. Not cool.

Ben, the minute I get my new desk, I'm gonna sit Jenna down in front of it and fire her.

Tucker, that's not right.

I can't wait to see her face when I tell her.

Yeah, me neither.

Is everything okay?

I can't believe you talked me into playing hooky.

You're gonna get me into some serious trouble, Ben Wheeler.

You have no idea.

I really should go.

Now?

Maybe we can make out a little more.

Who wants to snuggle?

Nice try, but I have a big presentation in the morning.

I'm fighting some stupid toad for a promotion.

Pfft.

Who wants a job where you have to fight to get ahead?

Have you ever thought about finding another one?

Well, it's not my dream job, so...

It's not?

Life is short. sh**t for the stars...

Or maybe a better paying position across town.

One thing I know about you is that you are a woman who can do anything she sets her mind to.

We just met.

That is how much I believe in you.

Thank you, Ben.

You're turning out to be a surprisingly sweet guy.

Oh.

I'm just getting started.

Well, hey. Just saw that you were sitting out here all alone.

I saw you got some new binoculars.

What's that?

Proof that your therapist shouldn't be blaming me for your slump.

Hey, look at all these memories I made for you.

You know, all the birthday parties, the trips to the shore...

Is that the dog you made us give away?

Okay, enough with the trip down memory Lane.

Okay, Danny...

What do you keep writing in thing anyway?

I told you. It's private.

Okay, Danny, I'm sorry I've been overbearing and too involved.

I may not be the perfect mother, okay?

But I have given you kids my entire life.

I woke up at 5:00 A.M. every morning for your hockey practices.

I've lugged your sweaty equipment around for years!

I have wrestled hecklers to the ground and gotten coaches transferred overseas!

So for you to be taking the advice of some know-nothing, inexperienced, judgmental head doctor who is brain washing you into thinking that all of your issues are my fault, well, Danny Wheeler, you have got another thing coming.

My issues are all about Riley.

Sounds like she knows what she's talking about.

Riley: Oh, hi. Excuse me.

Do you know where Danny Wheeler is?

Oh, I think the team is just taking some publicity photos.

They should be back in a few minutes.

Riley, right?

Um, yeah.

How do you know that my name is Riley?

Dr. Shaw.

Amy... (Stutters) Dr. Amy Shaw.

I'm still working on the whole name thing.

You're Danny's shrink?

Psychologist.

Oh, I'm a lawyer.

Almost.

I'm sure people do this to you all the time, but I'm kind of going through this thing with this guy.

I'm sorry, I really can't tell you what Danny says about you in our sessions.

Oh, no, that's not...

Wait, he talks about me in therapy?

No, who said that?

Uh, you just did.

Honestly, he has never even mentioned you.

Oh, Danny. Oh, here he is.

There you are. This friend, who I've never heard anything about, was just asking about you.

Ladies, what's going on?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing, nothing. No.

I just came by to wish you good luck tonight.

So... good luck.

Fitch and I will be cheering for you from the stands.

Thanks. I can use all the support I can get.

Doctor.

Lawyer.

Jenna, hi! How's it going?

Still gainfully employed?

Better. You are looking at the new associate producer of "Chase Live!" I got the job.

Wait, that job? The job?

After your little pep talk yesterday, I pulled out all the stops and I got it.

Thank you so much.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I'm fine.

I just sometimes express great joy by stuttering and sweating profusely.

What happened to the other guy who was up for the job?

I'll tell you what's going to happen.

First thing tomorrow morning, I am f*ring him.

My name didn't happen to come up did it?

Why would it? Oh, but I wish you could have seen the look on this guy's face when I got the job. It was priceless.

(Mouthing)

Yeah, I can picture it now.

Come on, man.

I am so so sorry. Okay?

Sorry for what?

Sorry for hooking up with Jenna even after I forbid you?

Technically the hooking came before the forbidding.

Ben, you helped her steal my promotion.

She's gonna fire me.

Tucker, please.

I'll figure something out. I promise.

I'm in the shower. I can't hear you.

What is going on with all the slamming?

Tucker and I are having a slight misunderstanding.

This is not a slight misunderstanding.

You ladies look busy.

All right, wish me luck.

I got you guys seats next to the bigwigs tonight.

So, if I start stinking up the ice again, you can put in a good word for me.

Hey, don't worry, man. You're gonna do great tonight.

And I will definitely be there...

Cheering you on.

Thanks, man.

Tucker, I'm gonna make this right.

I have a plan.

Hey, Jenna, it's Ben. You busy tonight?

Seriously?!

Your plan actually involves you still going out with Jenna?

What is wrong with you?!

Let me call you right back.

Let go of me. Of course I'm on the list.

What is wrong with everyone tonight?

First you make me take a cab all the way uptown and my tickets aren't at will call.

Fitch and Emma are waiting outside, and now I'm not on the list?

I'm always on the list.

Maybe this is just a bad dream you're having.

Maybe I should just take you home and then I can wake you up.

Just... (Burbles)

(Burbling continues)

Hey! Hey, Dr. Lady.

Did you have something to do with this?

No I... I... I...

I don't even know what you're talking about.

Oh, you must be the shrink-a-dink.

Hi.

Bonnie Wheeler. I just want to tell you, you are doing a great job.

He is a work in progress.

And you know, maybe things would be better for him if we all just cleared out and really let him focus.

It is only the second period.

I'm not going anywhere until someone tells me what's going on.

Well, if you're not gonna tell her, I will.

Mrs. Wheeler, I really don't think we should be talking about this.

Talking about what?

Riley, believe me.

I get no pleasure in telling you this, but I'm not the problem.

You are.

Okay, maybe a little pleasure.

Is this true?

Am I the problem?

Look out!

Coming through.

Oh my God, what happened?

Jenna got hit in the head by one of Danny's wild sh*ts.

We were just sitting there and bam!

Nachos flying everywhere.

Oh, that poor girl.

Nachos here are 20 bucks.

Really, Ben? This was your plan?

To literally knock out my competition?

This is the most disgusting, underhanded thing you've ever done.

Though I do appreciate your effort.

Tucker, come on. I only brought Jenna because Danny sat us with the big sh*ts.

I figured with both of us working them, we could get her an amazing job with the rangers, which I think we did.

She has an interview tomorrow morning.

Oh, okay. Wow!

That's... that's great.

Just one little question.

Why the hell wouldn't you try to get me an amazing job with the rangers?

Oh, yeah.

That might have worked too.

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing here? Figured you'd be with Fitch.

Oh, no, he had to catch an early flight.

So discussion's to be continued, as they say.

Well, I wish you could have stayed.

Game winning goal, thank me very much.

That's great.

Looks like the old Danny is back.

More like new and improved.

You okay?

Um...

I think we need to talk.

I feel like things have been a little weird between us lately.

And you're my best friend.

I can't have that.

I don't want that either.

Riley, it's honestly not about you. It's me.

It's just something that I've had to work through.

Are you?

Yeah, I am.

The problem isn't in my head. It's in my heart.

I just keep too many things bottled up.

Amy thinks it's because I'm afraid of the consequences.

But not anymore.

That's all in the past.

And from now on, if I see something or someone I want just sitting there in front of me, I'm gonna go for it.

Oh, um, okay.

That's not really where I saw this conversation going.

So I fired her and asked her out.

I'm sorry, wait.

You fired who and asked her what?

Amy. Dr. Shaw.

We're still working on the name thing.

This is really not where I saw this conversation going.

(Clears throat) Um...

D-did she say yes?

She most certainly did.

That's great.

That's great, Danny. I'm really happy for you.

If you ever need someone to talk to about Fitch, she's pretty awesome.

Maybe I'll do that.

Cheers.

To what?

To new beginnings.

To new beginnings.

It's just... my mother never listens to me.

You know, always squashing my dreams, putting her needs before mine, inserting herself into my business.

I mean, seriously, this woman has no boundaries.

I mean, to be honest I think she's a little narcissistic.

I mean, completely unaware that she's intruding and invading my privacy.

Mom, we are trying to eat over here.

Okay, just let me tell you one quick story about my gram-gram.
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