Previously on
"Kevin Can [BEEP] Himself"...
RIDGEWAY: Patty O'Connor?
Detective Tammy Ridgeway, Worcester PD.
Detective Ridgeway is
looking for the local dealer.
- Yeah, you.
- We give her somebody different.
I need those pills for him,
'cause I'm gonna k*ll Kevin.
I'm actually good at doing
terrible things to people.
I quit.
Gragh!
- And what are you doing next Friday?
- What?
- You must not have heard of me.
- I've heard of you.
Give me some pills, honey.
- You know any natural-born K*llers?
- I think I might.
And just so you know, this isn't
some random guy that
we're asking you to...
He's awful.
I mean, it... it might seem like
he's just an idiot... and he is.
Don't get me wrong. He is an idiot.
But he is also manipulative
and an assh*le and...
- NICK: Shut up.
- Hm?
Stop talking.
How much?
Seven grand. Cash.
And these.
As a down payment.
[LAUGHS]
Okay. I can do it.
Wow, that's...
Oh, you guys got a picture or anything?
- Allison, picture.
- Oh, yes.
Yeah, um, I have a picture
and, um, his name, his employer.
He does, uh, fiber-optic
installation and maintenance.
And I managed to get
my hand on his schedule
for the next few weeks,
although it's not exact
because if you've ever
waited around for a cable guy,
- you know...
- Shut up.
I just thought that it might help.
Let me see his picture.
Yeah, I mean, probably
the less specifics we
know the better, right?
Sure.
What kind of timeline we looking at?
- Soon?
- Y-Yeah.
Soon works. Don't contact me.
When it's done, you'll definitely know.
I'll come find you for payment.
So that's it?
You want a receipt?
No. Of course not.
Come on.
Oh, hey, you take care of Tammy?
- Who?
- Her and her partner
are not letting this go,
and it's starting to piss me off.
Yeah, I'm on it.
But after this, you and me, we good?
You bet.
I'm nothing if not reasonable.
[LAUGHTER]
Jesus.
This is something out of a horror movie.
I mean, it feels like
hands are reaching through
the chair to squeeze my neck.
I think I like it.
Really?
I mean, it's tacky and awful,
but I've never had a massage before.
I'm not sure this counts.
Ah, I feel like my body's
been tense for years,
and I can finally just relax.
Relax?
After the meeting we just had?
Mm.
No, it's like the...
The one time I was on
a plane for a swim meet.
I was terrified.
Once we took off, I was totally calm
because, once you're
up there, it's done.
It's decided.
You either stay in the air or you fall,
but either way, it's out of your hands
and into the pilot's, you know?
It's his responsibility.
You know, I don't love that
Nick told me to shut up.
There aren't that many polite people
who definitely m*rder*d their
stepdad and got away with it.
I guess.
He did say it like five times.
We want the guy to be a little unhinged.
You're not really gonna
buy one of these, are you?
They're so expensive.
Well, I have no choice.
If I don't get this
for Kevin's birthday,
he's just gonna get it himself.
Said the only thing missing
is a Robert Kraft setting
- and laughing his ass off.
- [LAUGHS]
Hey, what?
Just...
This is quite a present for a guy
who got you a rubber-band
ball on Valentine's.
He knew I was always
losing my hair ties.
He thought they were rubber bands.
Almost thoughtful.
Alright, now it's getting fresh.
Whoa! Okay.
No buyer's remorse?
No.
It's done.
I, uh... I got him
the brown leather chair.
He said black is classy,
but to hell with it
'cause I also got him
that ice-cream cake
that he demanded even though
he's lactose intolerant, so...
Kevin's birthday... Always an event.
Oh, what do you mean, the two
dinners he juggles every year?
You know about that?
Patty, he insists that we eat
at the Vic House every year
which happens to be right next
door to Tricky Ricky's Fun Zone,
and minutes in, he says that
he left something in the car
and I don't see him
for an hour and a half.
So, yeah. Yeah, Patty, I know.
I-I just don't know why he bothers.
He wants you and Neil to
think you're both his favorite,
so he runs back and forth.
Jesus.
He must think I'm an idiot, huh?
No, I think he thinks he's a mastermind.
Also, Neil's fallen for it for years.
So I guess you've been in
the crowd at Tricky Ricky's?
Well, y-yeah.
I mean, I'm, you know, sorry.
Don't be.
I look forward to Kevin's
birthday every year
'cause I get to have
a nice dinner by myself
and I have some wine and
I bring I book that I start
and I never finish.
It's, honestly, the one night a year
I can look forward to some peace.
Wow.
That's what you look forward to?
Well, this year, I
need it more than ever.
You really think that I didn't know?
I am realizing I used to
think you were kind of stupid.
Well, back at you.
Uh, you wanna grab some lunch, or...?
I mean, you got a while
before your sad dinner alone.
Yeah, I can't. I have to... I have work.
- Ah, yeah. New job.
- Yeah.
Is the yuppie diner as
thrilling as the package store?
You know, it's... it's...
Everything's boring.
You know, work is work.
Work is work, yeah.
Well, this is me, so, um,
I will see you after Tricky Ricky's.
Actually, I'm, uh...
I'm gonna skip this one.
Just I'm not really feeling up to it.
What, are you sick?
I can bring you some
soup from the diner.
- No, I'm not sick.
- I can bring you home some soup.
No, I'm... I just... I'm
gonna stay in, watch a movie.
You're not the only one
who likes her alone time.
Absolutely.
Love alone time.
God, I feel like I'm again.
I know.
I thought we weren't
gonna do this anymore.
No, you didn't.
This is so stupid.
What am I even... this is...
Who cares? Who cares?
Oh, God.
I like working here.
I like you working here.
[RADIO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
I have this thing I
gotta do after I close,
but, um, maybe we can
meet back up here later.
Um, normally, I would.
But not tonight?
I... It's, uh... It's
kind of a special night.
It's a long story, but, um...
Okay. Message received.
Rain check?
Of course.
I think the boss scheduled us
together again this weekend,
so I'm sure we'll find some time.
Okay.
Oh, good. I caught you.
Hey.
I wanted to give you this
for your sad, lonely dinner.
Oh, wow.
I told you, it's not
sad, but, um, thank you.
"The Pearl."
Yeah, it's a novella,
so you actually have an outside
sh*t of finishing this one.
God, Patty, are you...
You being thoughtful?
No, please, shut up.
I just had it lying around.
It's nothing.
Are you wearing a
blouse for your night in?
- And this whole...
- You know, I mean,
sometimes you gotta do something dumb
to feel good about yourself.
Right?
Yeah. Yep.
[CHUCKLES] You do.
- Have a great night.
- Yes.
Bye.
What a birthday, huh?
Just me and my girl, the guys be damned.
It's my favorite tradition.
Yep.
Neil wanted to hang tonight, but I said,
"Bro, I can hang with yous any night.
This is my birthday, and that's
meant for my favorite person."
Aww.
Who gives the best gifts.
- Right this way.
- Ah.
Thank you so much.
[LAUGHTER]
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Enjoy.
[LAUGHTER]
And for my girl, we don't
go to just any restaurant.
No, no, no. This... This is tie food.
Pretty sure that name's already taken.
Good evening.
Can I start you off
with anything to drink?
Um, well, it's a special occasion,
so how about a-a nice bottle of red?
Um, no.
Since it's my birthday and
I'm the most important one,
I choose two glasses of the Pinot.
So the cheapest?
Yes.
[LAUGHTER]
Box or bottle, it all
goes down the same.
Am I right, babe?
Well, it's gotta be more
expensive for a reason.
Like a car with airbags,
which would be nice.
Oh, sweetie, you are way too trusting.
These people spot suckers like
you coming from a mile away.
Something wrong?
Dang it. You know what?
I think I left something in my car.
Well, by all means, go get it.
Oh.
[LAUGHTER]
[SIGHS]
Thank you.
[SIGHS]
Oh, God.
[SIGHS] What the hell was I thinking?
There you are.
Sneaking in through the back?
Uh, kind of.
I wasn't sure you'd come.
Well, when the law tells you
to show up someplace, you do it.
I like you.
You want something to drink?
Are you trying to ply me
with liquor or something?
Maybe.
No need, officer. I-I confess.
- Two vodka sodas.
- Coming up.
Is one of those for m... I like beer.
Mm, you think you like beer.
You just need to broaden your horizons.
Right.
So you wanted to talk to me.
What?
You... You said that
you wanted to talk to me,
like you had some questions...
Yeah, I mean, siblings,
favorite movies, pets,
just kind of your typical
first-date questionnaire.
Though I'm always up for going
straight to childhood trauma.
Here you go. Two vodka sodas.
I am gonna need this.
Oh.
That'll grow on you. Trust me.
[GLASSES CLINK]
- He's not coming.
- He's coming.
- Of course he's coming.
- I know he's not coming.
Then why'd I text him
times and no responses?
Will you not be an idiot?
Of course he's coming.
He would never miss this.
We did a double pinky
promise and everything.
Oh, there he is, the birthday boy.
Hey, everybody, this old
son-of-a-g*n's my best friend.
Mine!
They know, man. They know.
So the big three-six, huh, Kev?
You b*at Jesus by three years.
Yeah, plus I got way better abs.
We were, uh, getting
a little nervous, Kev.
I thought maybe you
were gonna stand us up.
Were... Were you doing
something fun, or...?
Well, it's never fun
breaking it to Allison
that she's gotta stay home all night.
Definitely not invited to my birthday.
- No sir.
- Oh, yeah.
The human weighted blanket.
More like the human wetted blanket.
Not today.
I said today belongs to Neil
and the one thing
that'll bring us closer...
A giant foam cowboy hat.
TOGETHER: She's beautiful.
So, uh, Neil, you brought
the tickets, right, buddy?
Pulled them out of the safety
deposit box this morning.
Five years' worth.
We're only shy of the promised land.
So should we hit the appetizer zone now
and start to build our strength up?
Hell yes. Neil, you know what to do.
Poppers and sticks, salsa and chips,
weenies and wings, taters and rings.
Coming right up.
Garckon?
[LAUGHTER]
Don't miss.
Don't talk to me while I'm doing it.
Okay, go ahead.
Okay.
Oh!
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you
were so competitive.
It's fine.
Do you want me to go
out into the parking lot
and try to find your dart,
so you can throw it again?
Ridgeway, I figured you,
uh... You'd be over here.
Mm. Fitz, Parker.
This is Patty.
FITZ: You dragged a
civilian to this thing?
That's just cruel.
Nice to meet you.
So you're Tammy's newest recruit, huh?
Good luck.
Lotta wash outs, lately.
I will sh**t you, Fitz.
It's, um... It's good to meet you.
[LAUGHTER]
Boy, we have got to clean out that car.
It's a disaster in there.
Wow, is it?
Well, hopefully, you didn't
drop anything else in there
while you were rooting
around for the first thing.
I may have. We'll see.
Do you know what you want,
or do you need a minute?
Uh, I think we're ready.
I'll probably have something light.
I'm not too hung... Oh, my God.
Sean Avery?
It can't be. Son of a...
Sir? Sir?
Okay, well, um, I will
have the chicken marsala,
and he will have the...
Excuse me, do you guys
know what's good here?
I'm actually from out of town.
Oh, you... You're from out of town.
You shouldn't... We don't even...
Star struck, huh?
You must be a fan.
Uh, no.
That's Sean Avery.
He was a dirty loser
when he played in the NHL,
and then he had the gall to
slander the proud city of Boston
by calling its fans chicken.
It's just a game, pal.
Not to any Boston fan, it's not.
I was just passing
through and heard there was
some famous meal that's
free if you finish it.
The Mighty Moo?
I love a free meal.
Yeah, right.
That's a -ounce
steak, baked potatoes,
all the fixings,
a jumbo shrimp cocktail,
- and a roll.
- And a roll.
Couldn't be any bigger than the steaks
I'm used to eating in
New York City, right?
Waiter, one Mighty Moo.
Yes, sir.
The nerve.
I should show that jerk
how we eat in New England.
Kevin, don't. Look at him, okay?
He works out, okay?
You can't eat all that.
Did you just...
You really think I can't
out-eat that pretty boy?
No, that's not what I meant.
You just said that you weren't hungry.
Well, suddenly, my
appetite has returned.
Garckon, I've made a decision.
I'll have what he's having...
To eat for dinner.
[LAUGHTER]
And in the name of
the father, Belichick,
the son, Edelman, and the holy spirit,
retired nose tackle and
beloved locker-room presence
Vince Wilfork, I vow to
win this eating contest.
Two Mighty Moos.
I'll let the kitchen know.
Very good.
Also, I left something in my car.
[LAUGHTER]
God.
God, pick up. Pick up.
[CELLPHONE RINGS]
You need to get that?
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Hello?
Patty, he's here.
I saw him. Nick.
What?
Nick is here.
Y-You got to speak up, hon.
I can't hear a thing.
Nick is here.
I'm freaking out.
He can't do it here in the open.
He realizes that, right? That's insane?
Uh-huh. [CHUCKLES]
"Uh-huh"? Wha...
Why is it so loud?
I thought... I thought you
stayed in to watch a movie.
No, I-I'm at the movies,
getting a lot of...
Getting a lot of dirty looks, too.
No phones, you know?
Okay, okay, well, just go outside
at the next boring part, okay?
It's important.
Oh, God damn.
Okay, call me back.
I thought that was you. So funny.
Oh, so funny.
Mm.
When we came in, I said,
um, "That's Addison."
Allison.
No.
Yep.
Why did I think it was Addison?
It's a better name.
Uh, no way. Allison's classic.
- Welp, good to see you.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, um, why don't you
come join us for a drink?
No. I'm great.
Oh, come on. Just one drink.
Mnh-mnh, no. I-I don't...
Please.
I'll be mad if you don't.
Lead the way.
MAN: Manager to the junior ball pit.
Manager to the junior BP, please.
Alright, I know I said I'd
spend the rest of the night here,
but I actually have to split
time with the restaurant.
What could possibly be as
important as the cowboy hat?
Only eating the Mighty Moo
and defeating NHL legend
Sean Avery [SPITS]
in the name of Boston sports.
Wait, did you say the Mighty Moo?
Yeah.
That's a -ounce
steak, baked potatoes
with all the fixings,
a jumbo shrimp cocktail,
- and a roll.
- And a roll.
A big-boy meal.
And Allison thought
I couldn't finish it.
But I've got a plan.
I set an alarm on my phone to
remind me to switch locations.
I just... I need your
help distracting Neil.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, I can do that.
This way, we'll win the tickets,
we'll get the hat, we'll take the photo,
and I can also win the
steak-eating contest.
Order up for Neil.
You really think this is gonna work?
Of course it'll work.
As long as I don't eat
anything while I'm here.
Happy birthday, best buddy.
We ordered of everything.
Your dad's idea.
[LAUGHTER]
- What a nice evening.
- Yeah.
Just a book and a glass of wine.
So peaceful.
But I know I'd get too self-conscious.
God, I can't even go to
a workout class alone.
Oh, well, no, I'm actually...
I'm here for my husband's birthday.
He's just grabbing
something from the car.
Oh, that's so nice.
I'd love to meet him.
Oh, Jenn, you would love him.
He is... He is, uh, a lot of laughs.
Well, this is the only place in
town for a real occasion, right?
Sam and I had our...
our first date here.
Yeah, yeah.
It's our first time back in a while.
Makes me feel like I'm again.
Well, I hated being .
Oh, my God. Me, too.
You could not pay me to
go back to high school.
By the way, I love your blouse.
I mean, I'm always
terrified to wear white.
Well, just Shout Wipes.
Little... Little miracles.
So I'm just gonna, uh...
Just... little girls' room.
Num-num-num-num-num-num-num.
[LAUGHTER]
Hey, Kev, what gives?
I know the Wing King of Worcester
can't be stuffed already.
Maybe... Maybe we should eat in shifts.
That way, one of us can
always be out playing games.
Play games on an empty stomach?
Leaving our Skee-Ball
tosses weak, lifeless,
and unable to reach the hundo hole?
You're right.
We need to eat this stuff
twice as fast as we normally do.
Come on, Wing King.
It's your time to soar.
For the love of the game.
[CHUCKLES]
Aw, that's good.
[LAUGHTER]
God, it's so good.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Patty, is that you?
What the hell are you doing here?
Hey, I'm Tammy.
I-I just popped by to say
hello on my way to the restroom.
I also have to have to... piss.
How was the movie?
So I had a thing. I
didn't want to explain it.
It's not a big deal.
Are you drunk?
No.
What the hell, Patty?
Didn't you even hear me say
that Nick is here tonight?
Like, the Nick
at Kevin's birthday party?
What if he tries to do it here?
Oh, don't be dramatic.
He's not gonna do it here.
- That's crazy.
- Yeah, well, Patty, he is crazy.
"It's good that he's
unhinged," remember?
Yeah, and he got away
with k*lling his stepdad.
He's crazy, not brain-dead.
He's not gonna do it in a
restaurant full of witnesses.
Maybe I should talk to him.
- What?
- Well, just so that he understands
- that this is not what...
- Allison, no.
The guy got away with m*rder.
Stop pissing him off.
Okay.
- If I just...
- Shut up.
It's up to him now.
You know?
You got what you wanted, right?
Plane's taking off. You got your pilot.
I lied. Okay?
I was terrified the entire flight,
and now I'm starting to think
that you chose the wrong pilot.
I chose?
You made it clear you were
doing this no matter what,
so I made the best move that I could.
Now you're all shocked that
it's a little bit messy.
Well, guess what, Allison.
You're asking for messy.
You're begging for it.
No, no, no.
You're right. You're right.
I am the one taking dumb risks.
So why don't you just go back out there
to the Worcester PD dart league
or whatever the hell that is.
Okay, I... I'm out with one cop,
and it's actually very good for us.
What are you talking about?
Detective Ridgeway is the one who's been
coming around the salon,
asking all those questions.
So you're getting drunk with
her as a precaution, or...
Yes. No. I-I mean...
When she wanted to get together,
I thought that she was
gonna grill me again,
but sh-she likes me.
So we can use that.
Is this a date?
No.
- Well, you just said that...
- It's not a real date.
It's just... I-I think...
It's just... It's not a real date.
Okay, Jesus Christ. What
the hell is happening?
Hi. How are ya?
Have a great dinner.
You go handle your own sh*t.
I'm fine.
Patty, come...
Damn it.
[LAUGHTER]
- I was just in the restroom.
- I was just in my car.
[LAUGHTER]
Hey, his steak looks a little small.
Guess I should've expected
cheating from a Boston fan.
Uh, waiter, there seems to be a mistake.
This man should not
have any cups near him
since he couldn't win
one while he played.
[LAUGHTER]
The Stanley Cup is a hockey thing...
No, I, uh... I got it. I understand.
Hey, Kev, um, maybe we
should get out of here.
I-I'm starting to come
down with something.
Allison, there are three
days out of the year
when only I'm allowed to get sick.
My birthday, St. Patrick's Day...
BOTH: And the day
after St. Patrick's Day.
Listen to your wife, pal.
She's trying to bail you out.
- Yeah, Kev...
- No. No.
This man belittled the city that I love.
If I let him get away with that,
I'll never be able to
look in the mirror again.
And if I can't look in the mirror,
then I can't shave.
[LAUGHTER]
Here we go.
[GASPS]
Your time starts now.
[LAUGHTER]
That was weird.
They just handed him his Kn*fe.
Can I get you another drink?
I was just about to get one myself.
Oh. Sure.
Uh, who was your friend from earlier?
Just my nosy-ass neighbor.
She was kind of rude.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Hey!
I'll take a beer and whatever
sort of vodka thing she wants.
WOMAN: You got it.
Did she say something to you, o-or...
No, it... it's fine.
I'm fine.
Got it.
[LAUGHTER]
He just keeps eating.
He's like the Cookie
Monster but with steak.
He's like the Cookie Steak Monster.
Wouldn't that just be the Steak Monster?
Whose side are you on?
This is a time to support
me, not correct me.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, boy. Hoo, boy.
I feel the meat sweats kicking in.
Hey, uh, why don't I go
get some more napkins?
For your meat sweats.
Oh, thank you.
Now, that's supportive.
See? It's not so hard.
Hey.
We just wanted to come
and meet the birthday boy.
Oh, why not?
Kevin, this is my new
boss, Sam, and his wife.
- Oh, Jenn.
- Ah.
Move that hand, lady.
Any limb that enters
my designated Munch Zone
may not be returned whole.
Wait a second.
Is that the Mighty Moo?
What do you think, Einstein the Genius?
You didn't need to say "the genius."
The name Einstein
implies that on its own.
Hi, guys. Sean Avery.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, my God. I am a huge fan.
[WHEEZES]
Jenn, you're a... You're a Rangers fan?
I also love the Giants and the Knicks.
[SPITS]
In New England?
That... Jenn, you are a
riddle wrapped in a mystery.
[CHOKING]
Ah, I just heart N-Y, you know?
And I heart meeting locals.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, my God. He's choking.
Oh, no.
[GASPS]
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
You saved my life.
Thank you.
I... I...
[ALARM RINGING]
I left something in my car.
[LAUGHTER]
Allison?
You okay, sweetie?
Yeah. Thank you. Sorry.
Um, I should just go
and clean my blouse.
Nick, Nick.
Something wrong with your table?
No, stop. I need you
to listen to me. Okay?
I'm just a busboy. Really.
So you definitely
shouldn't be talking to me.
Hey, I just need to know
we're on the same page.
- What did I ju...
- Allison.
Oh.
Is there a problem?
No.
Things okay, here?
Oh, Jesus, Sam.
Hey, she's all yours, bro.
No, wait. sh*t.
Sam, what are you doing?
What I... Who the hell was that?
That was s-some guy
from our neighborhood
who has a problem with Kevin.
Imagine that.
I had it. Okay? I'm fine.
So you can just go back to... to Jenn.
Yeah, I knew it.
You don't get to be mad about Jenn.
Oh, don't I?
We worked together like two hours ago,
and this is the small thing
you had after work tonight?
Well, your perfect, special night
is your husband's birthday.
Okay, fine.
Doesn't that make this even, then?
No. Because I'm not the one
who created this situation.
You wanted it this way.
Oh, oh, like I forced you?
No, you didn't force me,
but you decide when we're friends
or not speaking or having
sex in the back room.
It's what you want.
You're always in control.
[LAUGHS]
I'm sorry.
You think I'm ever in
control of anything?
Yeah, Allison, I know you are.
You should, too.
[PANTING]
Ugh! I need... I need tickets.
Kid, kid, come here.
This is your lucky night.
Give me those tickets
and like bucks change.
Are you crazy?
These babies are gonna
keep me in gum balls
and spider rings till I go to college.
Screw off.
Screw off?
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
[LAUGHTER]
- There you are, Kev.
- We were worried sick.
Yeah, in his case, literally.
Don't look in the ice machine.
Barfed in there.
Well, I have amazing news.
While you two had your
thumbs up your hundo holes,
I was stacking simoleons.
Well, that's fine, but thanks to you,
we lost our lucky machine.
Why'd you ditch us?
And why you wearing a tie?
And how come you're all sweaty?
And why do you smell like meat?
Neil, Neil, look, I'm sure...
I'm sure he can answer all
those questions in order.
Can't you, Kev?
Of course.
I ditched you because I knew
we would win more
tickets if we split up.
My tie represents that
partying is my business.
I only put on the tie once I
reached maximum groove status
on the "Dance Dance Revolution" machine.
My dancing... my dancing
is why I'm so sweaty.
And, of course, that particular machine
happens to be right next to the grill.
And the grill smells like meat.
He covered everything, Neil.
I guess I just thought tonight
was supposed to be
about us being together.
Oh, my God.
It is. It is, buddy.
It's about us being together
inside a giant foam cowboy hat.
TOGETHER: She's beautiful.
You're right.
Somehow I lost sight of that.
[ALARM RINGING]
What's that?
That's just my, um... It's my, uh...
My ticket alarm to
remind me to stay focused.
Ticket alarm?
Of course. Mine rang earlier.
Let's go.
Yeah. Alright.
Come on, big guy.
Send this chump packing, huh?
I can't. It's too much steak.
PARKER: Forget it, Fitz.
I'm gonna do what I should've
done a long time ago.
I'm gonna bet on New York.
[GROANS]
What? I'll take that bet.
bucks on Kevin.
He won't let me down.
[GROWLS]
Mmm.
So... good.
[GROANS]
And that's a hat trick.
[LAUGHTER]
Come on, Kevin. He hasn't swallowed yet.
You... You can still come back.
- Come on, Kevin. Keep chewing.
- You got this.
- Don't give up.
- Almost there.
- [DISTORTED] Come on.
- [DISTORTED] Come on, Kevin.
- Focus.
- Kevin, wake up.
MAN: You have to wake up.
Kevin.
Boston sports legend
and current Celtics TV
analyst Brian Scalabrine?
The man who started nine games
for the championship season?
Is it really you, "White Mamba"?
Yes, it's me.
[GASPS]
What are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be
surrounded by bikini models
on a friggin' yacht somewhere?
So, normally, I would be,
but this is more important.
This city, it needs me.
And it needs you, too.
You have to wake up, Kevin.
I can't.
I'm too full.
Yes, you can. You have to.
Do it for KG.
Do it for "The Truth."
Or do it for Kendrick Perkins
and his incredibly pointy goatee.
But most of all, do it for yourself.
[LAUGHTER]
[GROWLS]
- Come on.
- Do it.
Yankees suck!
TOGETHER: Yankees suck!
Yankees suck! Yankees suck!
Yankees suck!
You've got a Get Out of
Jail Free card in this town
from here on out, buddy.
You deserve this more than I ever did.
I'm sorry I doubted you.
[LAUGHTER]
Well, g*ng, it's been a blast.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I left something in my car.
[LAUGHTER]
Boy, this was one hell of a birthday.
[LAUGHS] And I love my gift, babe.
I'm glad.
You just got to bring it back tomorrow
and exchange it for the right color.
Simply doesn't get any better
than shiny black leather.
Pure class.
[LAUGHTER]
Where you off to?
I left something in my car.
Hey.
I like you.
Okay.
So I invited you to
this really fun thing,
and you came,
and I think you were
having a really good time.
- I mean...
- And then your neighbor showed up
and then something changed
and you started acting really shitty.
And usually when someone acts like that,
I write them off, but I like you.
Yeah.
You said that.
So just tell me, you know?
What the hell?
[HORN BLARES]
Jesus Christ, lady. You know...
No, shut up.
You listen to me for once.
I'm not sitting around, waiting
for you to make your move, okay?
It's too important. You do this?
I need to know what's
happening, when it's happening,
and if I don't like it, you don't do it.
- What if I...
- Shut up.
You do it my way,
or you don't get the money.
Okay.
Okay.