05x23 - Here's to Future Days

[bunniefuu]

Meredith: when something begins, you generally have no idea how it's going to end. the house you were going to sell becomes your home. the roommates you were forced to take in become your family. and the one-night stand you were determined to forget becomes the love of your life.

Hey. how long have you been up?

all night.

I was trying to figure out

How to get the tumor out of Izzie's brain.

Why are you smiling?

'cause I figured out how to do it.

Once Izzie's in the clear, we're gonna go to the bahamas and have our wedding on the beach.

The one & only beach club ... You can actually have drinks during the ceremony. [ laughs ]

[ laughs ]

Are you sure you're okay to be up and around?

Yes. I have good days and bad days.

Plus, I don't want to spend our entire honeymoon

In a hospital bed.

This is not our honeymoon.

It totally is.

Come on. I want you to meet my friends.

I know all your friends.

You know all my doctor friends.

I'm a patient now.

You're gonna meet my patient friends, and they're gonna love

my new husband.

Don't make a big deal.

I'm not gonna make a big deal.

[ singsong voice ]

I'm a bride. [ laughs ]

Iz, come on. I'm getting her a real one.

[ normal voice ]

i love this one, And that makes it a real one.

Okay, everybody, this is Alex, my husband.

Husband, this is austin, star, meg, miguel and alison.

Can you turn him around so we can see the butt?

Yes. Alex?

What, are you kidding me?

No. oh, a big trauma just came in. that's ... That's quality booty.

right?

Congratulations, Izzie.

thank you. [ laughs ]

[ laughs ]

[ laughs ]

So, uh ... I had a good session with my shrink this morning.

Did you talk to her about your mom?

[ elevator bell dings ]

I mean, have you seen your mom yet?

'cause she lives, like, you know, a few miles away, And she thinks you're still in iraq.

yeah, I ... I'm planning to see her.

When?

Dr. hunt ... I'm not on trauma today?

Follow me, O'Malley.

Lieutenant lowell, I'm Dr. hunt.

We spoke on the phone.

major hunt, it's good to finally meet you.

My c. o. has told me a lot about you.

Ah, you shouldn't believe anything steve mason tells you.

This is Dr. O'Malley, and you've already met Dr. Torres.

I'm looking at charlie's post-op scans, but I'm not finding

Anything functionally wrong with the leg.

except that I can't walk or run or move really

Without serious pain.

I've tried everything ... medications, physical therapy.

Nothing works.

Which could indicate nerve damage.

Or a chronic pain syndrome.

and we can definitely look into

Pain management procedures, But surgically, I'm afraid, uh, there's nothing I can do.

Actually, there is.

You could cut it off.

You can cut it off and replace it with a prosthetic leg

So I can get back to iraq where I'm needed.

Captioning provided by abc studios, abc, inc.

And brought to you by ford.

drive one.

[ woman speaking indistinctly

over p. a. ]

[ sighs ] did you know that's why he was here?

No, but is it such an unreasonable request?

Unreasonable? cutting off a viable limb is dismemberment.

That kid made lieutenant at 19.

He was planning on spending the rest of his life

In the m*llitary.

they gonna take him back with one leg?

There have been several lower-leg amputees

Who've returned to active duty with prosthetics.

voluntary amputees?

Maybe. I don't know.

Are you saying I have to turn this kid away?

His c. o. sent him here because he trusts me.

We could get another set of scans and then try an epidural for the pain.

Dr. Torres?

Fine. do an m. r. i.

and an epidural.

I'll take a look at the scans, But if the leg is healthy, I'm not cutting it off.

Dr. Bailey, are you busy today?

that depends.

You got any more dying children you want me to become

Overly attached to before they expire?

No. I have an 8-year-old neuroblastoma patient, And he's gonna live.

i can feel it in my bones.

So scrub in with me and see the joy.

um, Dr. Bailey.

May I borrow you?

Who is santa claus?

An old white man who lives at the north pole and enters people's homes inappropriately.

No.

I'm santa claus.

[ beeping and whirring ]

[ electronic male voice ]

all systems ready.

Oh, no, you did not!

Oh, yes, I did.

The da vinci s. i.

h. d. surgical system.

Tell me you didn't wait

Till I had all but left the general surgery program

To buy us a da vinci!

Care to take it out for a spin?

Santa.

[ beep ]

[ laughs ]

Hey, I was thinking, you know, With, uh, Derek and Meredith getting married, they, uh, Probably don't want us hanging out in the attic much longer.

So I was thinking i'd start looking for a condo.

Perfect, And then you'd finally have a place of your own.

Actually, I was, you know, thinking maybe you'd, uh, You'd come with me.

absolutely. no, i-i ... i would love to see it.

I'm so happy for you.

[ Derek clears throat ]

How much of that did you hear?

You mean the part where you asked her to move in with you, Or the part where she sh*t you down?

mm.

I was here for both.

By the way, it's just way too early

For you to be moving in with lexie.

you don't have to do

everything I do.

this is not about you.

I have my own future to think about. life is short.

Look at what's going on with Stevens.

don't worry about Stevens.

i got a plan.

You want to remove her hippocampus?

One of them. it's a common procedure for seizure patients.

Removing her hippocampus

Could compromise her memory, her speech.

She wouldn't be able to practice medicine anymore.

i have performed this surgery hundreds of times.

On cancer patients?

no, but it's ... If you do the surgery, i could lose my memory?

It's unlikely, but it's possible.

and if you don't do the surgery?

Swender: we could shrink the tumor with i. l. -2.

if the tumor doesn't k*ll me first.

Why take the chance?

have you even done a wada test

To see how her memory would be affected?

putting her brain to sleep and asking her to remember

A bunch of flash cards is not an accurate assessment

Of the post-surgical outcome.

but it would tell us whether or not

She could function afterwards, And as Dr. Stevens'

primary physician ... fine, i'll do it.

it's unnecessary ... The surgery is unnecessary.

the tumor's already symptomatic.

she's having hallucinations.

[ waves crashing ]

[ birds calling ]

That's a nice ring.

Alex outdid himself.

We're gonna have beautiful kids, Don't you think?

Is four too many?

Four is perfect.

Ideally, it would be two boys and two girls ... One of which would definitely be a tomboy.

And I was thinking

I should have them pretty close together, Though that might be stupid.

Why wait?

exactly.

That way, If I'm not able to practice medicine anymore ... You won't want to.

You don't think?

Do you?

I'm asking you.

Why do you keep agreeing with everything I say?

Because I am you.

I'm your tumor.

You're ... talking to yourself.

Right.

At least until you have surgery, if you have surgery.

Are you gonna have surgery?

[ waves crashing ]

[ waves continue crashing ]

If Derek cuts the tumor out, i could lose my memory, And if he doesn't, i could die.

I don't know what to do.

Alex, tell me what to do.

Iz, I can't tell you what to do.

of course you can.

You're my husband.

that's what husbands do.

They stomp around telling their wives what to do.

It's your job.

no, my job is to support whatever you want to do.

I don't know what I want to do.

That's why I'm asking you.

Okay, I have an idea.

Let's put it to a vote.

all in favor of the surgery ... No, we're not voting.

no one's ... no one's voting.

Opposed?

I'm opposed ... [ elevator bell dings ]

To voting.

Just decide for me.

please.

You don't have to know right now. think about it.

I don't have time.

Captain mason told me that you saved his life

At least four times in the field.

yeah, and a couple of times in the canteen, But don't tell mason i told you that.

So ... you think i'll get to go back?

Are you sure you want to?

I mean, why do you want to cut off your leg

Just to go back to the w*r?

Don't you have family?

You know what it's like to have family who don't know you, Who don't get you, maybe even don't like you?

Yeah, actually, uh, i have brothers.

Me, too.

So there's that family, The guys I grew up with, And we've got nothing in common, And then there's my guys in iraq ... My real family

Whatever we got into, we were in it together.

But here, I'm alone.

I'm nobody.

And i've tried.

You know, i've tried fitting in here.

I've tried being a regular person.

I've tried getting a job, but there aren't any.

There are a lot of things that I wanted to be in my life, A lot of things I wanted to do, But none of them's here.

This is alison clark. she was referred to me two years ago.

Mets in her brain, liver, kidney?

Mm-hmm. she ended up having five surgeries and extensive chemo, which worked, But then ... Oh, yeah, the mets came back.

Mm-hmm.

That's when I started her i. l. -2 therapy.

And now ... After three treatments in as many months ... The mets are gone?

The mets are gone.

Dr. Stevens should be patient.

She should give her therapies a chance.

As surgeons, we like to cut, But ... [ sighs ]

Sometimes there's a better way.

Let me retract that small bowel

So you'll have better visualization.

You know what, chief?

Thanks to leo, you don't have to.

leo?

Leonardo ... [ laughs ]

da vinci.

Here, here, watch this.

See?

540 degrees of wristed movement.

Can't do that with a laparoscope.

Or in open surgery.

Feels pretty good, doesn't it?

[ imitating lightsaber sound effects ]

Dr. Bailey, Are you making lightsaber noises?

Uh, not anymore, sir.

[ clears throat ]

You know, Dr. chalikonda at cleveland clinic

Is doing single-incision gall bladder removal

Through the belly button.

We could try that on the next one ... If you're up to it.

Don't tease me, sir.

Oh, I'm not.

Why should Dr. chalikonda have all the fun?

[ giggles ]

[ imitates lightsaber sound effects ]

[ Miranda giggles ]

It's impressive, but it took two years to get these results.

Yeah, but these two scans were taken three months apart.

But Izzie may not have three months.

That tumor could start bleeding in three days or three seconds.

And since when are you not about cutting?

Since it may not be in the best interest of our patient.

And Derek's not acting in Izzie's best interest?

They're ready for us in radiology.

[ sighs ]

[ monitor beeps ]

Okay, Iz, I am going to show you a series ... A series of images that you want me to try to remember

Once Derek puts the right side of my brain to sleep.

mm-hmm.

Hit me.

show me what you got.

okay.

Is that a schnauzer or a scottie?

How specific do I need to be?

dog's fine.

It's either a 727

or a 747.

Plane.

Ooh, a 2-story victorian mansion.

We would also accept the word "house."

Schnauzer, 747, mansion.

schnauzer, 747, mansion.

Or dog, plane, house.

I'm gonna put the right hemisphere of your brain

To sleep now, okay?

Dog, plane, house.

dog, plane, house.

Dog, plane, house.

Dog, plane, house.

dog, plane, house.

Dog, plane, house.

Dog, plane, house.

[ monitor beeps ]

Okay, now we just wait for the brain activity

In that area to stop.

Dog, plane, house.

dog, plane ... H ... [ monitor beeps ]

Okay, Iz. can you tell me what you saw?

Show her the cards.

Um ... what's this?

Dog.

Can you say dog?

[ mutters ]

[ mutters ]

What's my name?

just stick to the cards, Meredith.

M ... Meredith.

You know my name.

you can say my name.

M ... [ mutters ]

This is what i was afraid of.

Okay, who's Alex?

Iz, okay, you don't have to speak.

Just nod your head for me if you know who Alex Karev is.

The test impaired your memory to such a degree that

I have to strongly recommend you don't have the surgery.

Izzie, the test was the worst-case scenario.

The result has nothing to do with the surgery.

we don't know that.

What I do know is that not operating

Is every bit as risky as the surgery itself, If not more, but it's up to you.

What do you think?

I think he's talking to you, not me.

I'll leave you two alone to discuss this.

Uh, i'll come with you.

i have a couple of questions.

wait, Alex.

Just think about what you want to do for a second, okay?

I'll be right back.

You are not having this surgery.

I need you to not talk medicine to me, okay?

Talk to me like I'm your friend, Like I'm the guy whose cereal you eat in the morning, And tell me what to do.

Karev ... Please.

Karev, I can't tell you what to do.

What if it was Meredith?

What would you do if you had to choose

Between spending a few more months with Meredith

Knowing she was gonna die ... Watching her hurt, watching her sick ... Or spending the rest of your life

With someone who looked like Meredith

But wasn't her anymore?

She's the one good thing that ever happened to me, The one good thing.

So I need to know what to do.

I need you to tell me ... what if it was Meredith?

I would ask her to have the surgery.

Meredith: you couldn't remember anything.

You didn't know my name.

You didn't know who Derek was.

you didn't know who Alex was.

You couldn't even remember how to speak.

How come I don't remember any of this?

Because the tumor is sitting right in the middle

Of everything that makes you you.

I was standing there talking to you

Exactly like I am now, Only you weren't there.

You weren't you.

you were gone.

So what do I do?

Well, swender has a patient ... Female, 22 years old, metastatic melanoma.

Alison clark?

after three months of the i. l. -2, Her mets were gone ... all of them.

You're not having this surgery.

Don't do it.

that's my vote.

Don't have the surgery.

I didn't.

i freakin' hate surgery.

I'm hallucinating, alison.

I have really long conversations

With dead people and I see things that aren't ... Like right now, for example, I'm pretty certain there aren't birds flying over your head

Because this is a hospital and that would be weird, But that's what I'm seeing.

I have a brain tumor.

Am I really not gonna let them cut it out?

I didn't let them cut out mine.

It's like ... Okay, one minute, I'm this college kid, Rowing crew and being an idiot and forgetting my sunscreen and thinking it doesn't matter

Because I'm me, And life has worked out pretty well for me.

And then the next minute, They're cutting into my body every other week.

I had 15 surgeries.

And then I said, enough.

Forget it.

I'll row crew in heaven or whatever.

And then the i. l. -2 worked.

It worked.

I come here every three weeks, I get my medicine, And ... I don't have a brain tumor anymore.

Look, charlie, if we admit you, If we do what you're asking us to do, The pain in your leg ... There's no way of knowing if amputation will cure it.

but it might.

Yes, it might.

and once I get the prosthetic, then ... Uh, it will be months before I can even begin

Fitting you with a prosthetic, Which won't feel anything like a new leg, by the way.

It will feel like 5 pounds of metal that hurts and pinches.

And what if the army says no?

no, no ... What if they don't take you back?

they will. chances are that ... You really want to take that chance, charlie?

You're asking me to remove one of your limbs.

yeah, you think i don't know that?

You think I want to cut my leg off? of course not.

Am I sure about this? no.

The only thing I'm sure about is that I am in hell right now.

that I am sure of.

i've lost everything ...

Everything i've worked for, everything that I care about ... And i've traded it in for

A 6-times-a-day pain-pill habit that doesn't even work.

So don't waste both our times by trying to scare me, Because you do not scare me, Dr. Torres.

After everything i've been through, Nothing scares me.

So are we gonna do this or not?

Dr. Robbins, Dr. Bailey just performed

Seattle grace's

First single-incision gall bladder removal.

Oh, wow. that's cool.

Through the patient's belly button.

and now it's kinda creepy.

No, no.

you shoulda seen it.

No scars, no bleeding, and about half the time

It would've taken laparoscopically.

You want to do one after lunch?

i've got another coli.

y-you don't mind?

Oh, well, also, I guess I'm on my own for this afternoon.

My neuroblastoma?

No, no, no, no.

don't worry. you don't have to.

You'll have the rest of your life to do neuroblastomas.

Well, then i'll see you after lunch, sir.

okay.

Chief.

Yes, Dr. Robbins.

Chief ... Did you want to tell me something?

I am going to cry, and I just want you to know

That I know that it's going to happen, and I just want you to ignore it.

And I'm not crying because I'm upset.

It's just what happens when I get mad

At people of authority.

you're mad at me?

[ crying ]

i am mad at you.

And I'm crying because you're the boss, my boss, Which brings up my issues of authority and my dad, Who you kind of remind me of.

Not that you're old, but you command respect.

People respect you.

i mean, I know I do, And I know Bailey does, which is why I'm mad.

Because it's wrong, sir. it's wrong and mean to use a robot

To lure Dr. Bailey back into general surgery

'cause I don't have a robot.

All I have are little kids, And ... they're not as fun as a robot.

And they're not shiny and ... and new and silver and they don't have things

Coming out of their belly buttons, But ... I will fight you, and I will win ... sir.

You think you can fight me and win?

Yes.

[ chuckles ]

Good luck.

Because I have something that you don't have.

I have joy ... Sir.

[ woman speaking indistinctly

over p. a. ]

[ speaks indistinctly ]

What's going on?

Oh, we're just going over, uh, Izzie's i. l. -2 schedule.

Oh, for after the surgery?

I decided not to have the surgery.

What?

Uh, maybe we should come back ... Yeah.

Dr. Yang.

Sure.

You're having the surgery.

what?

Shepherd said this is your last sh*t.

but I dec ... Look, I am your husband, And I say that you are having the surgery.

what happened to, "this is your decision"?

That was when I thought you were gonna make the right one.

But you chose wrong, So now you don't get to make this decision on your own, Because you married me.

It's not just your life at stake anymore.

It's my life, too, my life with you.

So you can tell swender whatever you want, But I'm telling Shepherd and I'm telling you, You're having the surgery.

[ door slams ]

She may be your friend, But that doesn't give you the right to go in and ... And talk her out of a surgery you know nothing about.

You're not her doctor.

you're swender's resident.

What you did is not only inappropriate ... Meredith: Derek ... It is unprofessional.

you crossed the line, Cristina.

no, she didn't. I did.

I'm the one who convinced Izzie not to have the surgery.

I'm the one you should be yelling at right now.

Well, I'm gonna go now.

Unless you want to apologize to ... Okay.

[ door closes ]

My mother disappeared right in front of me.

Everything she had, everything she was ... Her dignity, her memory.

In the end, she wasn't even my mother anymore.

Izzie is not your mother.

She doesn't have an untreatable brain condition.

She has a tumor, and it can be treated.

Don't make this personal, Meredith.

i wasn't.

You went to Izzie as her friend and you made up her mind for her.

So now as my resident, you go back there and change it, Because this tumor will k*ll her.

[ woman speaking indistinctly

over p. a. ]

Quick consult, Dr. Yang.

What are you doing?

I've realized, The reason I haven't told my mother I'm back

Is because part of me is still over there.

I made a commitment to the army that I wasn't able to fulfill.

If my unit hadn't been destroyed, I would still be there.

So no wonder i can't sleep at night

Or ... or look my mother in the eye.

No wonder you and I ... we can't move forward.

My work there isn't done.

Until it is, I have no business being here.

So ... i've decided to go back.

I have to go.

Cristina, come on.

What? I'm sorry.

what am I supposed to say?

I could use your support.

You don't have it.

Dr. Torres.

Dr. O'Malley.

I just wanted to apologize for ... It's okay, charlie.

You don't have to do that.

no, I do, 'cause you were both just trying to do your job in there, And your job is to put people back together, Not take them apart, and I get that.

And I know it doesn't make sense to you

That I would want to go back to a place

Where people get hurt and die, but ... We're there because we're trying to help people, Save people, same as you.

It's my job, who I am, it's ... If something happened, And suddenly you couldn't be a doctor anymore, If someone told you you couldn't do it anymore, Wouldn't you want to do everything you could possibly do

To be a doctor again?

Izzie: we haven't even been married 24 hours yet, And we've already had our first fight.

That's a good sign.

Fighting leads to good makeup sex.

Are you watching birds fly around my head again?

Am i, like, totally snow white right now?

I just don't want to hurt him.

He'll come around.

It might take a while, but once that tumor disappears, Once you're back at work, cutting open other people, He'll come around.

Is it hummingbirds at least?

I really like hummingbirds.

Meredith: we need to go talk to Izzie.

No, we are not talking Izzie into having surgery

Because your future husband is mad at you.

But he has a right to be mad

Because we didn't talk Izzie out of the surgery

As her doctors, we did it as her friends.

No, our job as doctors is to present the options, Answer questions and let the patient decide their course of treatment.

That is what we did.

right.

Except I may have presented her options as, "you're having the surgery over my dead body."

[ elevator bell dings ]

He has a right to be mad.

[ pager beeps ]

Oh, crap.

Who is it?

[ monitor beeping erratically ]

Izzie? what the ... what happened?

I don't know.

where's swender?

Izzie, let me take over.

Izzie, come sit down.

[ monitor beeping rhythmically ]

The vessels and nerves are separated.

Skin flap is done.

Remind me again why I'm doing this.

Someone please remind me again.

You don't know what's gonna happen to this kid, How many fights he could win, how many lives he could save.

If you don't do this, He's never gonna get the chance.

We're not doing harm.

we're not hurting him.

We are saving him.

We're doing what he wants.

It's what he wants.

[ buzzes ]

[ saw buzzing ]

[ monitor beeping erratically ]

B. p. 's still dropping.

We need more blood.

we need to move faster.

Okay, I'm done.

I'm at the end.

I didn't see any bowel perforation.

It's there somewhere.

run it again.

Dr. swender ... Run it again.

Yes, ma'am.

So much for i. l. -2.

You think this is my fault?

You think I did this to her?

No, ma'am.

There is no cure for cancer, Dr. Yang.

There's only us, the two of us, right here, right now, Fighting this thing as aggressively as we know how.

And sometimes that means

Pumping toxins into the patient to k*ll the cancer, And yes, sometimes, not very often, but sometimes, Those toxins k*ll the patient as well.

But alison had three months to live

When she first came to see me, And I have managed to keep her alive for two years.

So I am not about to give up on her

Or the i. l. -2 anytime soon, And neither are you.

[ woman speaking indistinctly

over p. a. ]

I wasn't asking you to come see the condo.

I was asking you to move in with me ... If that's what you want.

I do.

You do?

Yeah. not right away.

No, of course not.

in, like, a year.

ten years.

I'm sorry, what now?

oh, um, well, because i'll ... I'll still be a resident for, like, six more years, And ... and then i'd want to get my practice up and running.

So ... how about seven?

How about five years?

i'll still be a resident.

So? Stevens and Karev are residents.

Meredith's a resident, Bailey's a resident ... All married or soon to be, And happily ... or whatever.

I'm sorry.

are you asking me ... [ chuckles ] to ... to ... to marry you?

no.

[ laughs ]

Why? would you?

Um, should we be having this conversation?

no, probably not.

No, i-i ... that's ... okay.

Impressive work today, Dr. Bailey.

[ laughs ] thank you, sir.

it was fun.

Yeah, it was, wasn't it?

[ pen clicks ]

Sounds like you guys had a good day.

Oh! how did the, uh, neuroblastoma kid do?

Oh, he was awesome.

the surgery was totally easy, And he's gonna make a full recovery.

good.

That's kind of why i wanted you there.

'cause the kids you can save

Almost make up for the ones you can't.

Anyways, I'm gonna go monitor him post-op.

And then I'm gonna tell his family the good news.

You should stop by, come see the joy.

okay.

Swender: we had to resect part of her bowel.

Unfortunately, we weren't able to finish the surgery

Because she was too unstable.

Right now she's on a ventilator

Because she can't breathe on her own.

[ breathe catches ]

But, uh, you're gonna be able to finish the surgery, right?

Yes, if she stabilizes.

And then she'll be able to breathe on her own again?

Your daughter's heart stopped during surgery, Which means her brain wasn't getting oxygen.

So it's unlikely

She'll be able to come off the ventilator.

[ woman sobbing ]

oh, god. oh, no.

[ sobbing continues ]

[ crying continues ]

[ waves crashing ]

George: Izzie.

Izzie.

Izzie.

You paged me.

are you okay?

No. I don't know what to do.

I don't know if I should have the surgery.

I think I'm gonna die either way.

You gotta tell me what to do.

you know what to do.

No, I don't.

I don't.

Yes, you do.

You're just scared to do it.

This back and forth is just fear.

But you've already made the decision.

You already made it.

You made it the second you decided to fight this thing.

Just look ... where you started.

Look where you are now.

I mean, now you're this ... Incredible surgeon ... And teacher.

You're a doer, remember?

[ chuckles ]

You know exactly what you have to do.

[ knock on door ]

Come in.

You can do it.

You can cut into my brain again.

Okay.

You can do it, but ... I don't want to end up a vegetable.

Izzie, you won't.

no, just listen.

I want the surgery, right now, But if something goes wrong, I don't want to end up on a ventilator.

So I'm signing a d. n. r.

Please.

Alex ... Look, you went crazy.

When denny signed that d. n. r. , you went crazy.

Is that what you want?

you want me cutting l-vads?

No, I ... you want to wreck my career?

'cause I will.

I will freakin' cut l-vads before I let you ... Just st ... just wait, stop.

You don't get to quit.

you don't get to quit on me.

Please ... tear it up.

The d. n. r. ... tear it up.

Where your eyes are supposed to be right now, I see white sandy beaches ... And there's an ocean behind your head, And there are ghosts wandering in and out.

I can't live like this.

And I can't live ... [ exhales ]

If something goes wrong in that surgery, I don't want any extraordinary measures taken

To keep me alive.

It's not what I want.

I went crazy when denny signed the d. n. r.

Because I didn't understand.

I didn't understand, but now I do.

And I need you to understand.

I don't want you to go crazy.

I want you to have a brilliant career, And I hope that I get to be here for that, But if I can't, I just want to go to the other side.

I don't know what's there, but it's gotta be better

Than hospital beds and tubes down my throat, So please ... Please don't cut l-vads.

Just ... If it comes down to it, Just let me go.

And right now, kiss me.

Please, please just kiss me, and close your eyes, Because the beach is so distracting.

[ sighs ]

[ sniffles ]

[ sniffles ]

I always thought it would be me.

I'd get alzheimer's like my mother and forget everyone.

Let's go to city hall tomorrow.

I don't want to spend another day

Not being married to you.

Okay.

It doesn't matter how good you are

Or how hard you work.

You can do all the research, You can master all the latest techniques, Um, you can be the best, You can be the best surgeon in the world ... But your patients are still gonna die.

'cause the next day or the next ... month

Or next year, you know, they're just gonna ... [ blows air ]

get hit by a car and there's nothing you can do about it.

I don't want you to die.

You okay?

I cut off a healthy leg.

I just cut it off.

It was for the patient's own good, But still, i feel like a butcher.

My miracle case is on life support.

I thought I had one ... One miracle.

[ sighs ]

I hate this job sometimes.

I don't know why we do this.

Come on. come with me.

Okay, what are we doing here?

We came to see that.

What?

The joy.

It comes around rarely, So rarely we forget it can happen.

But that ... That's why we do this ... The joy.

we spend our whole lives

worrying about the future ...

planning for the future, trying to predict the future ...

Will you come with me?

as if figuring it out

will somehow cushion the blow.

but the future

is always changing.

Got one more.

He's a doctor. he says he needs to do it today.

Come in.

the future is the home

of our deepest fears ...

Owen?

Hi, mom.

I'm home.

and our wildest hopes.

but one thing is certain ...

when it finally

reveals itself ...

Congratulations, doctor.

Welcome to the army.

the future ...

Thank you.

is never the way

we imagined it.