04x18 - The Grandmaster

[bunniefuu]

I can't believe Kim's finally
moving back home from Japan.

Did Rudy get the
"welcome home" banner yet?

(Door opens)

Guys... I found the perfect
banner in the clearance section.

(Rustles)

(Scoffs)

Oh, and I know the
perfect place to put it.

Well, Jack's freaking out
because of Kim coming home.

He said he didn't have anything to wear,
so I went and bought him an outfit.

- What do you think?
- Milton: Oh...

Looking good!

- Terrible.
- Unbelievably bad.

Thanks a lot, Milton!
(Mimics Milton) Gah!

Relax, Jack. Kim's gonna
be so excited to see you,

she's not even gonna
care what you're wearing.

- Guys: Kim!
- (Laughs)

- Hey!
- Milton, Jerry, Rudy...

Oh, what are you wearing?

Oh, guys, I brought
someone I want you to meet.

He's very special to me.

I knew it! She runs off
to some far away country

and gets swept off her
feet by some exotic guy

with an accent and a... a shiny bald head.

You're gonna miss this, sister!

Guys, this is grandmaster
tomo, headmaster at otai.

Oh.

Ah! You must be sensei Rudy.

I've come because two of the
finest students I have ever seen

have trained at this dojo.

- Thank you.
- We do what we can.

- I was talking about Kim and Jack.
- Mmm.

- Makes sense.
- Much better choice.

Rudy, we are considering
offering you a position

as grandmaster at the otai academy.

Oh.

Oh, that'd mean he'd
have to move to Japan.

Wait, Rudy's leaving us?

Jerry, relax, this is
a really big decision.

Rudy loves this dojo more than anything.

He's gonna wanna take time
to weigh in all of his...

I'll be in the car,
tomo! Dojo's yours, Jack!

♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a
ball, run up the wall ♪

♪ that's just how we do ♪

♪ and no matter how
much I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you ♪

♪ here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ everybody ♪

♪ won't you come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a
ball, run up the wall ♪

♪ that's just how we do ♪

♪ and no matter how
much I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you. ♪

Before we can offer you the position,
we need to know more about you.

We'll be talking to people that know you,

I'll be returning tomorrow
to interview your students.

My students will give you the
whole truth on Rudy Gillespie,

because as sensei, I have
taught them that there is

nothing more important than
honesty and integrity.

- (Door opens)
- You guys are gonna lie

like you have never lied before!

Rudy, shouldn't we just tell the truth?

Yeah. What, are you worried we're gonna
say something embarrassing about you?

Yes. Yes, I am.

- Sometimes I can be...
- A nut loaf?

I was gonna say, "slightly imperfect,"

but "nut loaf" works, too.

Now here's a few things that you're
absolutely not allowed to talk about.

Oh! Oh!

(Grunts)

Ah!

- (Rips)
- Wha... oh!

You guys want me to rev this
baby up, get some attention?

- Kids: No! No!
- On it!

- (Engine revving)
- (Tires screech)

I'll rock any pipe you've got, brosef.

- Just go for it! Whoo!
- Rudy!

It's totally worthless.

There's nothing here! Nothing here!

Ja. I'm Rudy's cousin,
Arnold Schwarzenrudy.

Look at me, I'm so very huge.

And... I think that about covers it...

Unless anyone can think of any other
times that I embarrassed myself.

Okay, we don't have time for this!

You guys got a big day tomorrow
of making me look good.

So, Milton, at the otai academy,

we believe that great leadership
creates a peaceful dojo.

Would you say that is true here?

Uh...

You know what? That is
it! I am so done with you!

- I'm done with you!
- Ah!

(Plops)

No! That's it!

You left me waiting in the
park for the past two hours!

Hey!

- How dare you?!
- (Yelps)

- Get off!
- (Groans)

I w...

I would definitely say that Rudy's
leadership has created a peaceful dojo.

Ah. This coffee's terrible.

- (Splashes)
- (Rudy screams)

Jack, at otai we believe
it's very important

that a grandmaster puts
his students before himself.

Would you describe Rudy as selfless?

Uh...

Hey, show a little respect.

You're talking to a man who's won...

Two oscars, a nobel peace prize,

and the heisman. (Exhales sharply)

All right, now before we
get started, I just wanna

say that when people come into sudden
wealth, it can sometimes change 'em.

Friends have been known
to turn on one another.

The miners called it gold fever.

I just want you to know that that's...

Exactly what's gonna happen to me.

But rest assured, as you're
out there facing certain death,

I will be right beside...

My toasty fire...

Where I'll be writing
a letter of condolence

to officer Nate's hot wife Annabelle.

All I need is another
thousand bucks and it's mine.

Guys, I just counted. We have $ , .

Oh, thank you.

Uh...

Selfless. So very selfless is he.

(Screams, thuds, groans)

Jerry, a leader cannot be great if
he does not respect those he leads.

Has Rudy taught you to be
respectful to each other?

Uh...

It's called the Jerry zone,
so step off, not Jerry.

What career?! I've had zits that
lasted longer than your career!

Oh, come on!

I think you should crawl back to
whatever slop kitchen you oozed out of!

Do you wanna learn the
ancient martial art...

Of shin-do?

I shin-don't.

Well, when I see something wrong,
it's my job to do something about it.

Why don't you do something
about your breath?

You could use a mint, sister!

Uh...

Respectful. Very very respectful.

Dojo's full of respect.

Thank you, Jerry.

I've learned everything I need to know.

- (Thuds)
- (Rudy grunts)

(Door opens)

Look who just got a shipment of -lb.
Bowling balls!

- Oh!
- (Grunts, coughs)

- ♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪
- (Bell rings)

Grandmaster tomo, I am so glad...
Oh. Great. It's just you.

- (Bell rings)
- Grandmaster tomo!

I am so glad...

Oh. Great. It's just you.

- (Bell rings)
- Grandmaster tomo!

I am so glad...

Oh. Great. It's just you.

- (Bell rings)
- Grandmaster tomo!

I'm so... (Pants)

Tired.

I'm just gonna stay up here.

After talking to your students, I
made the decision about making you

a grandmaster at otai, and it's...

Yes! Yes! I knew it!

So long, suckers! Grandmaster out!

My answer is no.

- What?
- Wait, why?

Because I know Rudy was
spying on our interviews.

He clearly has something to hide.

If you cannot trust your
students, I cannot trust you.

What? I'm not gonna...

But I told people and
I moved out of mother...

My apartment.

Grandmaster tomo, you're probably
gonna want to take a step this way.

- Yeah.
- Why?

Sensei going down!

(Crashes, thuds)

(Grunts)

That's why.

I can't believe grandmaster
tomo didn't give Rudy the job.

- How's he taking it?
- (Rudy grunts)

- (Glass shatters)
- (Rudy yelling)

(Banging)

Hey, it's better than expected.

Guys, we gotta do something.

Tomo doesn't know the real Rudy.

But we do.

He's the best sensei that
we could ever hope for.

Anyone could ever hope for.

Tomo needs to know that.

How did you get outside?

There's no exit in the locker room.

There is now.

Time to go put in a skylight.

Thanks for agreeing to meet with us.

You said you didn't know who
Rudy was, which is fair.

Sometimes we don't even know.

(Gasps)

Oh, I'm like a Dutch oven with a cape!

Uh, excuse me, ma'am, I'm sorry.

- We're closed.
- It's me.

I'm feeling lucky, baby!

- Okay, is Rudy a bit of a crazy person?
- Oh, yeah.

- No doubt.
- Better believe it.

But he's also the greatest
sensei a student could ask for.

Before I came to the dojo
I was just a skate punk.

- Dude, I was a troublemaker.
- You're not gonna believe this, but I...

You were a nerd.

How'd you know?

You're still a nerd.

We're not gonna let you leave
until you hear the truth about Rudy.

(Crying) So I'm not good
enough to be a grandmaster?

(Sniffles)

Fine.

I don't need a dojo!

I don't need any of this!

Except for that blender.

Other than this, I don't need anything.

I kinda need this stool.

I need this blender and I need
this stool, and that is it!

God, that's a really nice bowl of fruit.

You know what?

I am taking the whole juice bar.

You are coming with me, juice bar!

(Grunting)

Rudy, I need to speak to you.

Tough! I don't need anything from you!

Except for this pen.

Rudy, I have had a
meeting with your students

and they finally told
me the truth about you.

Oh, great.

So now you know that I chew on my
toenails, I wear diapers to long movies

and I got banned from the
petting zoo for... Rudy!

We didn't tell him any of those things.

Good, because none of
those things are true.

I've really misjudged you.

I have never seen students
so loyal to their sensei.

They've truly shown me
what kind of man you are,

and we'd be honored to have you at otai.

(Cheering)

Rudy: Yes, get in here.

Kim: You guys stink.

♪ And no matter how
much I chop and punch ♪

♪ It's not as cool as
kickin' it with you! ♪

All right, since we spend most of our
time making fun of Rudy behind his back,

we thought, before he leaves, why
not do it in front of his face...

- (Rimshot)
- ...With the roast of Rudy Gillespie?!

- (Cheering)
- All right.

Okay, okay.

As you know, a roast is
when you make fun of someone

in a good-natured and loving way.

This is my first roast, so here it goes.

Rudy, you are a hideous little
man and nobody likes you.

Honestly, you have no friends.

I hope you die alone.

(Laughing) Oh, "die alone!"

Phil, oh, terrific.

Oh, Rudy's a terrific guy, and I'm shocked
that he's the only man in Seaford

that I haven't asked out yet.

That's not a joke, stretch.

But seriously, Rudy,
how about you and I...

Ah, keep it moving!

You'll be back.

Anyway, coming to work has been a whole
lot more fun because of Rudy and...

And all you guys.

- You feel the burn?
- Whoo-ee! I feel it!

Hey, look, my butt's looking better already

you might have a touch
of the Madagascar madness.

What makes you say that? I feel fine.

I should probably call a doctor.

- No, you're not calling anyone.
- (Snaps)

I never felt so alive!

(Folk music playing)

Please enjoy your free beach experience.

Mm-hmm. That's what I thought.

Ah!

- Fire in the hole!
- (Screams)

Not only is Rudy a sensei, but he's
a businessman and entrepreneur,

and he's equally terrible at all three!

- That was a joke.
- No, it... it wasn't.

A lot of the times, people may say I'm
not the sharpest bulb in the shed,

but that is simply not false.

You're talking into a Pepper mill.

- Dummy.
- (Feedback)

What is wrong with this thing?

Hey.

Despite what we've just heard, everybody
knows that Rudy is our friend.

Rudy, I hate your face!

(Joan laughing)

Classic.

But as our sensei, he helped us grow
from kids into the wasabi warriors.

- Wasabi!
- (All grunting)

Rudy.

We love you.

And we want to present you
with this ceremonial belt.

Wow.

This is the ugliest thing
anyone's ever given me.

(Chuckles)

We've made it from pieces of every
belt you've helped us earn.

This is the most beautiful
thing anyone's ever given me.

(Breathes shakily)

Keep it together, Rudy.

Letting 'em see you cry
is a sign of weakness.

(Both crying)

I am going to miss you!

- Do you wanna go on a date?
- I gotta go.

I am so thankful for the honor
of being a grandmaster.

And I just want you to
know that I'm gonna be

the same humble Rudy that I've always been.

Good to hear, Rudy.

Here is your plane ticket.

(Scoffs) Coach?

You expect me to fly coach?

I'm a grandmaster, baby.

Yeah, no no, coach is good.
It's... it's... it's...

Here are the profiles to your
black-belt students at otai.

Wait, where are all the white belts?

We have no white belts.

You will be grandmaster to students
who are already champions.

I'll go see if the car is here.

(Door opens)

(Door closes)

- (Sighs)
- I wonder who the new head sensei will be.

Well, hopefully me. I interviewed for it.

So if we go in there and
I'm waiting to meet us,

- don't be surprised.
- Just go.

Rudy, what are you doing here?

I decided to stay.

- Why?
- Because you guys showed me

that here... I can make a difference.

Ah.

Look, you can have all
the money in the world,

but if you don't have what we
have right here, you got nothing.

To friends.

Jerry, volunteering can be very rewarding.

What was it that you were supposed to do?

I was supposed to bring meals
and help out some old man.

Well, not only are you gonna do
it, but I'm gonna go with you!

And no matter where life takes us,

we'll always be connected
by the wasabi code.

One final wasabi?

All: Wasabi!

Nice. Again.

- That was good.
- All this...

Just so we can go on a date.

You know what? You're worth it.

Kick! (Exhales sharply) Kick!

Jerry, why'd you do this for me?

What I did was wrong, bro.

I shouldn't have taken
credit for something you did.

Thanks, Jerry.

Congratulations, Jerry.

You're now a black belt.

- Thank you, sensei.
- Look at you, man.

I'm so proud.

They say you never forget your first love.

And I know I never will.

Remember what Rudy said:

No matter where we go,
we'll always be connected.

I can't believe how far you guys have come.

(All laugh)

We're really glad you decided to stay, man.

We know you're gonna be able
to help a lot of other kids.

They tried to make you
fly coach, didn't they?

It's none of your business, Kim!

Welcome home, sensei.

All right, now line up.

- Hup!
- (Kids grunt) Wasabi!

All four cameras.

I would make the perfect General Douglas!

(Chuckles, grunting)

Uh, oh n...

What's the line?

And that's all the letters of the alphabet.

Well, that's still too many.

- A traitor.
- (Rips)

You need to hit the gym, bro.

(Laughter)

(Theme music playing)

(Dog growls, barks)