01x18 - Bachelorettes & b*ll*ts

[bunniefuu]

Harley Wilkes was your father. He left you his practice.

Zoe knows about us.

Wade: Why you stopped our little frolic the other night?

You got googly eyes for golden boy George?

The minute that I tell George the truth, who do you think he's gonna go running to?

I know that you know that I know.

I am never telling George because I have no interest in being the person to break George's heart.

Would it be so bad if he found out?

Oh, Lavon, don't.

Because if he broke up with you, I would be here, Lemon.

(gasps)

Chet Marbury.

Sally Guest.

(sighing)

What are we looking at?

Oh, nothing; it's just for a case I'm trying.

Seeing what a witness may or may not be able to see from this distance. but it's, it's pretty far.

Oh, perfect, perfect.

Hey, Wade, can you stand just a, just a little bit over?

Perfect, perfect.

Definitely a k*ller.

Zoe, could you go join him, please?

Great.

(clears throat)

'Sup?

Not much.

George: You know what, guys?

I need you closer, actually, if you could.

Just real close, real close.

George: No. Guys, just a little bit closer, if you wouldn't mind.

Wade, if you could just lean down.

There we go.

Okay, all right, Hey, are we still on for hunting later?

You coming by?

Oh, uh, you know what? I completely forgot about that.

I don't even know if I want to do it anymore.

My dad's still in the hospital, and my brother just cancelled.

No.

No, no. It's your bachelor party.

You got to do it.

I even came up with a name for the weekend-- it's called "Locked and Loaded."

'Cause we got g*ns... and we're gonna be drunk.

(stifled laugh)

Shut up.

Yeah, I got that.

I got that.

I'll tell you what, I'll, uh...

I'll think about it.

It's your bachelor party, George, okay?

Just remember that.

Okay, I'll let you know.

Wow, bachelor party. Yikes.

That old wedding's coming up pretty soon, huh?

Yeah. See, the problem is, is that it was dark out.

You know, things just look so much different in the light of day.

Oh. Well, you know what, maybe your person has bad eyes.

Why don't you send them in for an exam.

I could be, like, a key witness.

I've always wanted to be one of those.

(chuckles)

(yawns): Zoe. George.

Lavon.

Big night?

Yup.

No, you know, not-not too big.

Huh.

(exhales)

Hmm.

Well, three is a crowd.

I'm gonna get to work.

So you're not gonna eat?

I forgot-- I already ate.

I am full.

But you...

Zoe: I hate small towns.

Everyone I know lives here, and there are only, like, nine people in the whole town.

So you have to keep track of everyone's secrets.

In New York, I could ride next to someone on the subway, learn all about them-- about their kids, their hopes, their dreams-- and never have to think about them again.

It was great.

You know, I don't even really live here.

That's why I am done; I am officially out of the being-in-the- middle-of-everyone's- business business.

Well, I don't live here.

I'm Jesse.

I'm-I'm Zoe.

Dr. Hart.

Dr. Zoe Hart.

Zoe.

Yeah.

Yeah. (laughs)

Sorry, I've just been talking all about me-- I didn't even ask you how you sprained your wrist.

Oh.

Ninja stuff. Boring.

(laughs) Well, how did a ninja wind up in this small little town?

Well, you are sworn to secrecy, right?

Being my doctor?

Mm-hmm, absolutely.

Antiquing.

Really?

And some murdering, you know, whatnot.

(laughs)

But, uh, I am free for lunch, if you like?

Lunch with a ninja?

Yeah.

One more think I can check off my bucket list.

There it is.

Boom.

(laughs)

Mmm.

Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Mm, why are you not dressed for my bachelorette party?

I know how long it takes to dress myself.

I do it a lot.

Okay, fine.

Um, so you're sure that all the reservations are set? The hotel...

Yes. Lemon, the maid of honor plans the party, and I planned it.

I know.

And I'm so, so happy that you're my maid of honor and that my sister is gonna be with me every step of the way through this.

Aw...

Now, just one more time to make sure.

You definitely have all...

Oh, my God, for the millionth time, yes, I booked the boring spa in Mobile, yes, we have reservations at Mobile's most boring restaurant, and yes, we're staying at the dullest hotel in America, where we'll all stay in and rent the dumbest movie ever made.

I promise you... it'll be the most boring weekend you could ever imagine.

(squeals)

Perfect!

Ooh!

(exhales)

♪ ♪

(Lavon mumbling)

Hangover?

What can I get for you?

A quick burial.

Nothing fancy.

Maybe say a few words.

Or you could have my extra-special, top-secret... with-robin-egg... hangover cure.

Old Kinsella recipe right there, shell and all.

Mm-hmm.

(phone ringing)

Oh!

This is my hangover cure, right there.

Cancel my day.

Cannot spend the last minutes of my life listening to complaints about trash pickup.

Just... sh**t me now.

(laughs)

(knocking)

Hello.

Hey, George.

Come in.

Everything okay?

Yeah. Um, this morning, you said that my eyewitness might need an eye exam.

Well, the eyewitness is me.

Okay. You want an eye exam?

No. I...

I think my eyes are fine.

Is-is post-traumatic stress disorder, is that a real thing?

Yes. Has something happened?

My dad's heart att*ck, you know, it was pretty traumatic, and I haven't been sleeping lately, and I was wondering if that might make me see things that aren't really there.

George, what's up?

(sighs)

(exhales)

Okay, I need to talk to someone, because if it's not medical or mental, then I saw Lemon kissing Lavon last night.

What?

Yeah.

I don't know if I did...

No. I mean, probably not.

It must have been something else that you saw.

But like you said, you're sleep-deprived, right?

Yeah. And I only saw it for a second.

I saw it, I looked away, I looked back, and they were gone, so I've just been racking my brain all day trying to figure out what else it could've possibly been, but I don't...

You know, maybe, um, he was whispering in her ear.

You know? Or, um, I used to have this cat who would always try to take food out of my mouth.

It was really cute.

(laughs)

I-I don't quite think that's...

Probably not that.

But-but talking... talking, right?

Like, um, close... close talking... like this c-could look like kissing.

You know, and if anyone saw us right now, they would think we were kissing, but we're not.

(electronic tones sound)

Right. Um...

(clears throat) you know what, you're probably right.

And I definitely do need to know what I saw before I say anything.

I'm sure it wasn't even Lavon.

No? Why?

Because he was home all night.

He was? You saw him?

I-I heard him.

You know, the TV, music was on.

He was there, I'm pretty sure.

And why wouldn't you... say that a minute ago?

(laughs): Because I forgot.

I am also sleep-deprived.

Right. Thank you.

I just didn't know who else I could trust to talk to.

(sighs)

(door opens)

(door closes)

(sighs)

(dialing)

Lavon, it's Zoe.

George Tucker saw you kissing Lemon.

What the hell?

You said it was over.

Call me.

Well? Hangover's gone, right?

This is a magic potion.

(laughs)

No, no, you, my friend, are a purveyor of magic.

No, no, in earlier times, you would've been worshipped.

Or k*lled-- depending on the current theology.

(slaps bar, whoops)

(chuckles) Now, I am gonna go freshen up a-and re-approach this entire day.

(laughs)

Oh...

Wade.

Jesse.

Mind if I take a look at a menu?

I don't think my say-so carries much weight in the matter.

♪ ♪

All right, you ready to go hunt some turkeys?

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, hey, I'm glad you had a change of, uh, change of heart.

You're going hunting?

Uh, no. Why do you want to sh**t living things?

sh**ting dead ones isn't that sporting, Tom.

Yeah, and there's probably a law against it.

You're not funny.

Imagine your surprise if, like, a deer just came up and sh*t you where you stood.

Wow.

I would be surprised if that happened.

Yeah, how'd a deer get amm*nit*on?

K*llers.

(George and Wade laughing)

Oh...

(clears throat)

Lavon.

George.

Wade, you ready to go? Hey, George, your dad's in the hospital, right?

So we got an extra bed at the cabin-- why don't we have Lavon?

Lavon: Say what?

Well, you're feeling better, yeah?

Yeah, but...

And you said you cleared your whole day already.

I did say that.

Yes, I did.

Look, George, I know it's your bachelor party, so, you know, you can have the final say, but...

No, I mean, it's-it's Lavon. Of course.

I mean, you-you should come, you know, if you w...

Unless, there... would be some reason that you wouldn't want to come.

(laughs)

Why wouldn't he want to come hang out with you and me and the boys?

(chuckling): No reason at all.

Let's do some hunting!

All right, let's all go gather up our gear, and then we'll head up to Johnson's Fork.

Sound good?

One thing.

It is a bachelor party, which means... no work-- cell phones, pagers, whatever you use to communicate with the outside world goes in here.

Come on, now.

(laughter, quiet chatter)

Lemon!

AnnaBeth.

I'm surprised to see you.

Oh? My invitation wasn't rescinded, was it?

Oh, goodness, no.

Why on Earth?

After I was awarded the Memory Matron position?

The what?

Memory Matron.

Oh! No, no, no, no, no, no, silly.

It seems like lifetimes ago since those things mattered to me. No, no, no.

Well, it mattered enough to you to strip me of my job of planning your bachelorette party, so...

(laughs)

Actually, I thought that it would be a good experience for Magnolia.

I mean, she has been by my side for all of these years.

She's been so... loyal.

Mm.

And I, for one, cannot wait to see what kind of a party a 14-year-old has planned.

Will there be a bouncy house?

You know what, AnnaBeth?

Why don't you go find yourself another roadside accident to go put your morbid gaze upon, because...

Magnolia has done a beautiful job anticipating my needs.

She knows me just through and through and through.

And I, quite frankly, can't think of a better person to plan the party.

Can you?

(chuckles)

(laughs)

Come on.

(car horn honking)

♪ ♪

Surprise!

Forget the boring spa.

We are going to the FloriBama Beach Bar and Grill for a real party!

We're what?

Yeah.

Oh, you look so surprised.

Look at you.

Are you surprised?

It has a, um... a stripper pole.

Yes.

It's so you!

Zoe.

Hey.

Hey.

Jesse.

Oh... sorry.

Am I late for our lunch?

No.

Time got away from me.

Which is weird 'cause it usually moves painfully slow in BlueBell.

You need to move this back a little bit?

No. No, you know what? I was just looking for someone, but no luck.

So I am all yours.

All right.

Here you are.

That is so sweet.

Thank you.

So... how's it going?

You know, staying out of other people's business, I mean.

How is that going?

Great.

So awesome. Yeah.

How's yours?

I mean, your business.

Other than being a ninja, which we've already covered.

Right.

Uh, hmm.

Zoe, I got to talk to you about something.

I... I'm not a ninja.

Check, please.

I just said it to impress you.

But then I started thinking about it.

You know, what if we were actually in a situation together that required I commit covert acts of feudal warfare?

I'm going to look like a tool.

So... not a ninja.

Just a... eco-geological oceanographer.

Thank you so much for telling me that.

Mm-hmm.

Can you tell me one more thing?

What the hell is an eco-geological oceanographer?

You know, I'm not sure about that, but, uh, school was pretty tough, so, uh, whatever it is, it's probably pretty important.

Sorry.

Listen.

If there's something you need to finish before we do this, that's okay.

No. No, you know what? I tried, but Lavon is a big boy.

He can take care of his own affairs.

His own business.

Business.

Lavon Hayes?

You know Lavon?

Mm. Yeah.

No, I grew up here originally.

Everybody knows Lavon.

Yeah. No, he was here earlier.

Uh, left with George Tucker, Wade, couple fellas.

Lavon is with George?

Yeah.

They went hunting out at Johnson's Fork.

Hunting?

Yeah.

With g*ns?

Probably.

You know what, I'm sorry.

I really... I really want to eat, but, um, first, can you give me a ride to Lemon Breeland's?

Hmm. Let me guess.

So you can stay out of her business as well.

Yes, sir!

Gentlemen!

Tonight, we will gather around the fire, and we will prepare for the hunt in a tradition that has been observed countless times by men of tribes from all over the world and on The Learning Channel.

And tomorrow, we hunt because we are men.

Men who, uh, need more firewood.

Hey, Lavon, uh, you want to help Georgerg get some more firewood?

Yeah. Uh, you bet.

Yeah.

How did you arrange all this anyways?

Well, Daddy gave me his credit card and said to do whatever it took to make you happy.

Do I look happy?

I don't know.

You look about the same as always.

So there are no hotel reservations?

No spa, nothing? Just...?

Well, no.

I thought, with you trying to elope and all, that you wanted to loosen up and be different.

Not that different!

Not having my one and only bachelorette party on a stripper bus to a beach bar!

(knock at door)

Hey. Got a sec?

Okay, Magnolia, you head on out, and we will figure this... figure this out.

Hi.

Pretty bus.

This is awkward because... you weren't invited.

I know.

But remember that secret you told me, that I promised I would never tell, that I didn't?

Well, George saw you with Lavon last night.

Oh, God.

Okay, let me think.

Um... uh, what did he say?

Oh, he's pretty sure that he saw you kissing Lavon.

I lied for you, but I'm not sure that he bought it.

Pretty sure?

Okay, well, um...

George is... he's an attorney, so he would never make any accusation without being certain.

And he's away hunting for the weekend, so I can, um, go find Lavon, and-and-and we can get our stories straight.

Oh, no, Lemon.

That's the problem.

Lavon went hunting with George.

Oh.

What a bad day this has turned out to be.

Yeah, but I met this guy who knows exactly where the hunting spot is.

He says he can direct you.

Direct me?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, no, you're coming with me.

Oh, no. No.

Oh, yes.

Uh-uh. No.

Uh-huh. Oh, yes.

See, I am doing this thing now where I stay out of people's problems.

No.

Oh, no.

You are already knee-deep in the middle of this problem, lady.

You are in the sweet, chewy center of the whole damn thing.

So you know what we're going to do?

You are going to come with me, you're going to take Lavon aside, and then I'm going to handle George, okay?

Okay.

What are you going to do about that party out front?

Okay, just a quick detour to, uh, give a message to my Georgie, and then we're on our way!

Yay!

♪ ♪

Jesse: Make a right.

Head on up to Johnson's Fork.

This is all your fault.

If you would have done what I said to... if you would have told...

If you would have told your gardener about your previous gardener, you wouldn't be in this situation.

Well, I couldn't tell the gardener, because his father was in the hospital with...

...a snakebite, and it wasn't (whispers): the right time.

Well, you told me that you had already fired the first gardener anyway.

I fired the gardener, but he wanted his old job back.

That is not my fault.

No one needs that many gardeners no matter how high-maintenance her property is.

Magnolia: I should've known Lemon wouldn't appreciate anything I did.

God forbid anyone ever have fun.

(laughs): I'm sure she'll survive.

And she can't stay mad forever.

She can.

You don't know her.

Oh, I've known her my whole life.

She's mad at me now, but she'll get over it.

That's why I came today.

Because neither of us would forgive ourselves later if I didn't.

Now, the deed is done; it's over.

So let's just enjoy the day.

Okay.

Driver: Folks, we are gonna have to pull over.

We got to stop for the police.

Uh, it's not entirely over.

(hip-hop playing)

Freeze, ladies!

You have the right to remain... sexy.

♪ ♪

(women laughing)

Now I sort of feel bad, 'cause, uh, all I got you is a flower.

(women whooping)

♪ ♪

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

All right!

(laughs)

Hey, guys, hey, where are the g*ns?

They were right there; where'd they go?

Where they can't be used to k*ll.

Tom?

How'd you get here first?

Drove like the wind.

Almost hit a deer, too-- the irony of which was not lost on me.

But I made it; I made it in time to stop you.

Tom... I know wackos are in season, but I'd be more than happy to strap you to the fender of my car if you don't, uh, show me where those g*ns are.

No problem-- it's just, they're gonna be kind of useless without the shells.

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, no, don't!

Oh... oh...

(shotgun shell blasts)

(explosions continue)

Oh...

(shell explodes)

(shells exploding in distance)

Whoa.

(chuckles) I guess they decided to start without us.

(chuckling): Yeah.

So, hey, man, I've been meaning to ask you-- wh-what happened between you and Didi?

Didi?

Yeah.

Oh... it just didn't work out.

You know how it is.

That's too bad.

You guys were good together, you know?

And then, next thing I know, I'm having to hire a new secretary, 'cause Didi decided to run home to her mom.

(chuckles) You sure there wasn't, uh, someone else or something?

No, it's like I said, you know, it just wasn't meant to be.

I guess we pretty much got what we can carry.

Should probably head on back.

Aw, no.

Come on, now, that's all you can carry, Mr. NFL?

Right. Okay.

I guess I'm still pretty weak today.

Sad consequence of a crazy night's drinking.

Crazy night of drinking, huh?

What, at home, just...?

(laughs): No, the Rammer Jammer.

They had that cocktail contest.

Whoo! Yeah.

♪ ♪

I'm afraid to ask, but I have to.

Do any other surprises await us?

Just the stuff I bought online.

What in the world?

I'm sorry, is that candy?

Edible undies-- they're like fruit roll-ups you can wear.

Magnolia Breeland!

They're made of real fruit, so there's not that many calories.

My Lord, who knew the sheer number of products that could assume the shape of a man's privates?

I know. Daddy's gonna get some pretty weird spam in his e-mail.

Um, I think those are straws.

Stop looking at those.

Look away.

Lemon will never know about this, understand?

We'll, just get rid of it all.

It'll be our little secret.

Oh, thanks for your help.

It's okay; just throw it in the garbage, first chance you get.

Except for that.

I'm gonna keep that.

(horn honking rhythmically)

Driver: This is the stop you said to make, ma'am.

Some sort of hunting camp?

Yes, okay everyone.

It'll only take me a minute to find George, and then FloriBama here we come!

Whoo-hoo!

I have to go with her.

She gets lost.

I'll be right back, I promise.

Then we can finally have that lunch.

Maybe even dessert.

Wait, that wasn't a metaphor; I really meant dessert.

What the hell is going on here?

Hey, um, Lemon has to give George a message.

No, I mean why are you with my brother?

Afternoon, Wade.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

Zoe: How could you not tell me that Jesse was Wade's brother?

Well, how could you go out on a date with someone and not know their whole name?

Well, I haven't even gone on a date yet because I've been too busy helping everyone with their problems.

I didn't even know Wade had a brother.

Well, they don't talk.

I don't know why, and I don't care.

But if you were so concerned about what Wade thinks about you and Jesse, then why don't you go ask him.

I'm not.

Well, then, stop complaining.

You're not the one who had to interrupt her bachelorette party to go stomping through the frickin' woods.

Oh, I am so sorry if your affair is inconveniencing you.

The one that you said was over.

It was, okay?

Lavon kissed me; I did not kiss him back.

And if George asks him, he had better make that clear.

Hey, look here.

This one's still good.

Great.

Couple more, and we'll all get one sh*t.

I'll give Tom Long a running start, just to be sporting.

So, are we gonna talk about that other thing? What other thing?

Me being with Zoe.

You seem pretty put out about that.

Look, I was just surprised is all.

I didn't know you two knew each other.

Look, if you've got a problem with me seeing her, I can step aside.

No problem, no problem here.

Well, all right.

All right.

(growling, clattering)

(leaves rustling)

I'll go check.

Yeah, we'll both check it out.

(chuckles)

Hey...

Bear.

Interesting line of work.

You could say that, yeah.

I think about trying it myself.

Can I ask how you ended up in it?

Usual, I guess.

Rough childhood, Dad drank.

Left home early, drifted around.

Well, you never know what you'll do if you're hungry enough.

I figured, hell, I take my clothes off everyday anyway, why not get paid for doing it?

Oh, I-I meant, I meant driving a bus.

Oh, Class C Commercial License.

Cool.

Hey, Tom.

Too bad we don't have some more a*mo, seeing as how there's a bear in the camp.

Oh, my.

Apparently, somebody left something real tasty in the garbage outside, attracted a bear.

Now I've got four friends out in the woods, and only a handful of shells to fight it with.

Everyone stay put.

Especially you.

Magnolia, did you throw those edible undies...

Mm-hmm, I did.

Guess they were made of real fruit.

So, it must have been a pretty wild night, huh?

What was?

Well, at the Rammer Jammer.

Oh... pretty crazy.

'Cause I thought you would have been all tucked in at home.

No, not me.

'Cause you know, Zoe said that she thought she saw you there, you know, at the house.

Oh, uh, yeah.

Later.

So, who all was there at the Rammer Jammer?

Oh, about everyone.

Wade, that band with the two hot girls, Shelley...

Lemon?

Was Lemon there?

I think so, yeah.

You think so or you know?

You saw.

Yeah, I did.

Damn. Most of the shells are for the 12-guages.

Only one for the 16.

Tell you what, I'll take the 12, go after the bear.

You head out and find the ladies, Lavon and George.

And why would you go after the bear?

'Cause I'm a better sh*t than you are, Wade.

Says who?

I don't know, whoever the hell it is at the US Army gives out medals for it, I guess.

Oh, see, that was for sharpshooting, Jesse.

You know, where you're laying on the ground with a scope, no moving?

You ever had a 500-pound bear running at you?

No, no, most of my attackers were pretty heavily armed.

Yeah, well, I guess you're right.

You know, it's been almost an hour since I heard about what a w*r hero you were.

So go for it, w*r hero.

Go chase after that bear.

Take the g*ns, take the shells.

You know what, go ahead, take care of yourself.

It's what you always do.

Lemon: Oh, we should have found them by now.

I mean, how much damn wood do they need, anyway?

Oh.

You all right?

Should we rest?

No, I have to keep going.

There's no telling what Lavon told George already.

Well, why would he be saying anything?

I mean, why would he kiss you out of nowhere, if it was over like you said.

It makes no sense.

I don't know.

He just did.

The door was closed.

Yeah, how did it open again?

I don't know; it just did.

Did the wind blow it or...?

I did it, okay?

I opened it.

Just a little at Christmas.

I went to him for comfort, and then by the time I came to my senses, it was too late.

And it's my fault, Zoe.

I didn't tell George, and now I'm gonna lose him, and it's all my fault.

Maybe they haven't talked.

My dad, he used to always play golf.

And he'd be out there for hours.

I remember asking him, "What do you guys talk about that whole time?"

And you know what he said?

He said golf.

That's it.

Well, maybe they're just... talking about firewood.

Yeah, maybe they're just talking about firewood.

Yeah.

George: You're supposed to my friend, damn it!

But probably not.

Lavon: I-I know.

I know, and I shouldn't have done it, George.

I'm sorry.

You're sorry for kissing my fiancée?

What the hell were you thinking, Lavon?

I don't, I don't know.

I had too much to drink, and I'm still upset about Didi, like-like you said, and... and I had a crush on Lemon.

Look, I know it was wrong.

I was drunk, and I wasn't thinking right, but she shut me down, George, okay?

She did nothing.

This is all on me, Lemon: That's not true.

George.

George.

We need to talk.

George: Lemon, Lemon, hey, hey.

I don't understand why we've got to talk about this all alone, I mean, he needs to hear this.

Okay? He's got to know that he can't just kiss you.

I don't care how drunk he is, okay?

Yes...

And I don't care what the hell his feelings are.

Okay? And why wouldn't you tell me that he kissed you in the first place?

Because there was more.

Wait a second, more?

What more?

George, Lavon and I had an affair.

A bear is going to eat my sister.

It is not; hush up.

I messed this all up, okay?

She trusted me, and I blew it.

And now a bear is out there.

I cannot just sit here like a kid.

I have to go help her.

No.

Trust me, if it comes down to Lemon and a bear, I pity the bear.

You are going to stay right here in this cabin.

Lavon: I tried to stay out of things with George and Lemon.

I did.

When he got back from New York, I tried not to feel like I felt.

Kept hoping if I just acted like I didn't feel it, eventually I wouldn't.

I lost that battle.

I mean, I know I did wrong.

I was selfish, I let people get hurt...

So go ahead.

If you want to say anything, go ahead.

I'm ready for it.

Okay.

This may be the worst first date I have ever had.

There, I said it.

That hurt, didn't it?

(laughter)

Hm, Magnolia, do you play poker?

I never have; My mom once taeded as if Satan himself was dealing the cards, but it looks like fun.

Lemon?

Lemon!

So then it's not about Zoe?

Well, what the hell is it, Wade?

It's you, Jesse.

Okay, great, hey, terrific.

What about me?

That's a real nice present you got Crazy Earl for his birthday.

But Dad needed a car.

Is that what this is all about?

Huh? You're jealous I could afford it?

You bought the town drunk a car.

Such a good son, Jesse, w*r hero returning home for his dad's birthday.

What about every other day?

Who's gonna be there to take his keys from him?

To bail him out of jail? Make sure he doesn't k*ll someone with it?

Let me ask you a question.

Why is it that every time you say w*r hero, you say it like you smelled something bad?

Are you upset that I fought for our country?

Yeah, that's it.

I could have fought, too.

I stayed because somebody had to.

And you swoop in here, you buy gifts for Earl, and then you leave.

And you swoop in, and you take a girl out you don't even know.

And then you swoop on out, and you leave her pining.

"Oh, Jesse. Where's Jesse?"

You're just a big swooper, that's what you are.

See, we're back to Zoe now.

You just swoop, swoop, swooping.

Why don't you just admit that you don't want me to see her 'cause you like her?

'Cause I don't!

Okay.

Okay? I don't.

'Cause she's just as snobbish and selfish and superior as you are.

So, you know what? Go with God, my friend.

Y'all are perfect for each other.

Maybe this is like an enchanted forest... only the opposite.

Lemon: I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you, and you had to find out like this.

Why, uh...

Why?

I don't know.

You went to New York, and... and we weren't doing that well before you left.

You know what? I said, "Come with me," and you said you would, and then you kept on putting it off.

Because I told you that I didn't want to live in New York, and you didn't listen to me and you went anyway, okay, and that Christmas I found out that my mom lived a town away and that she didn't love me.

Oh, so you felt unloved?

Yes! Well, I loved you!

I loved you.

(sobbing)

I wasn't in my right mind, George, okay?

You were there, and Lavon was here...

Lav...

...and theyoyou came home and it was like, like it never happened, and you were where you were supposed to be and we, we were where we belonged-- together.

So is that what you want?

You want Lavon, is that it?

God, no. George, it's like I don't even, I don't even remember it.

It's like I-I-I was like a different person.

Okay?

Listen to me, the time was so brief it was so brief in the grand scheme of our lives, in the years and years that we have spent together and the time that we have together in the future.

I am so sorry that I didn't tell you before and I cannot tell you how truly, truly, truly sorry I am.

Well, you don't have to... Lemon, you don't.

I don't?

No, you don't 'cause it's over.

Yes, I swear to you, it is over.

I promise you, it will never, ever, ever, ever happen again.

Lemon, Lemon.

I meant us.

It's over.

Wait, George, no.

George, no.

George.

(door opens, engine idling)

(door slams loudly)

(engine revving)

What was that back there?

Don't know what you're talking about, Doc.

Do you really think that about me-- that I am, am snobbish and shallow?

Yeah, yeah, I do.

Because you are wrong.

Oh?

Well, let's see what's caught your eye since you've been in BlueBell, Doc.

There's been Judson-- veterinarian, George-- lawyer, and now there's, there's Jesse the, uh, the eco-geo-whatever.

Careers, prospects, money.

That is just a coincidence.

Okay?

It's not, Doc, it's nature of the beast.

Prefer to keep the company of your own kind.

Embrace it.

It's good to know.

W...

(sighs)

Hey.

Hey.

Uh, George had to go deal with his dad, I guess, but, uh, I was able to get one of his buddies to give us a ride back, so you and I can finally have that meal.

All I've eaten is a pair of edible undies I found on the ground.

Not bad, though, real fruit.

Look, Jesse, I, I just don't think I can.

I can't always stay out of people's business, but when I can, I probably should.

(clattering)

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah, probably.

Wade. (chuckles)

Wadester, you think I could get a ride back to my car?

You walked in, Tom, you can walk out.

Yeah, but th-there's a bear.

Good point.

(cocks g*n)

See you back in town, Tom.

(door closes)

Oh, my.

Oh, Lemon.

(sobs)

Lemon, people wanted to get on the bus.

(sobs)

Magnolia, what am I ever going to tell them?

These are your friends; they'll understand.

And whenever I was upset and you had to make me feel better, you know what you told me?

You said Breeland girls are strong.

We are, huh?

Yeah, and we don't quit, and no one can keep us down, right?

Right.

Lemon... I am your maid of honor and I will do everything for you.

I can call people for you, and you don't have to do anything, okay?

(sighs)

(sniffs)

Oh, Magnolia, you are... so right.

I am strong.

You are.

(chuckles)

Thank you.

So, what are you waiting for?

Call the girls.

Let's party!

Wait, Lemon, you don't need to have a party you don't want for a wedding that's off.

(laughs)

Sweetheart, there is nothing off.

George Tucker is just...

He's upset, but h-he needs time, that's all.

He'll come around... so don't you worry about a thing.

Okay?

Because I... am marrying George Tucker.

Whoo-hoo! Yes, you are, all right!

Whoo!

Okay, too much.

(Lemon laughs)

All right!

Whoo, get on this bus, whoo!

♪ ♪

George.

You want to come inside?

No... I'm not gonna be here very long.

I don't know what happened exactly, but the way you tore out of there...

Zoe, you lied to me.

I did and I'm really sorry.

(sighs)

How long have you known?

Not long.

(scoffs)

Yeah, long enough to keep me walking around this town looking like a fool?

No one thinks that you're a fool, George.

Oh, yeah.

I do.

No one else even knew...

Yeah, but you knew, Zoe, you knew.

And I hated it.

I didn't want to be in the middle of all of this.

Look, you're my friend, but Lavon is my friend, too, and I did what I had to do to protect all of my friends, and this happened.

(clicks tongue)

Yeah, no, I, uh...

You know what? I get it.

You do?

Good.

I understand, yeah, except one thing-- we're not friends.

You see, I thought that we were, but now I know that we're not.

George.

George, come on.

(truck door opens and closes)

(truck driving away)