09x02 - Marked Twain

[bunniefuu]

I bagged that one in darkest Africa.

A handsome beast. Ferocious, I'd wager.

Africa? I thought tigers were native to India.

You could be right, my dear. Africa, India, it is terribly hard to tell them apart.

Now this beggar is a different story altogether.

He was two hundred yards away if he was an inch.

Remind me again as to why we are here.

The guest speaker.

Who is?

That's the exciting part. It's a surprise.

(sighing)

Thank you.

(laughing)

I do appreciate this, Clarence.

Appreciate what?

Your sponsorship.

Oh, not a bother.

This club could use a few men of your forthrightness.

We're all getting a bit stodgy in our old age.

(laughing) Well, I want you to know that we're both delighted.

When will Thomas know if he's been accepted?

If my husband sponsored you, acceptance is a mere formality.

Oh!

Well, Clarence, do you intend on letting the cat out of the bag?

Whatever do you mean, d*ck?

When are you going to tell us who is regaling us this evening?

You'll find out soon enough.

Young Benson is fetching him now.

Look at Margaret. She looks like the cat who ate the canary.

It's not everyone who gets asked to be a member of the Empire Club.

Why would the Inspector want to associate with them?

Perhaps it's to keep the canary eater happy?

Esteemed Members and Honoured Guests.

It is my pleasure to announce that our speaker will be here in a matter of moments. So, if you could all take your places.

Enough foolishness, Clarence. I insist you tell us whom we are here to hear.

All right. All right.

Let me say that I have brought, at great personal expense, a most wonderful speaker to start the series.

He is an acclaimed humourist and world renowned travel diarist.

None other than...

Mark Twain.

(Exclamations)

Mark Twain!

Mark Twain?

Have you gotten your marbles mixed?

This is outrageous!

Mark Twain. In our club? Over my dead body.

Bugger this. I'm leaving.

You intercept that scoundrel.

You make sure he doesn't set a foot in here.

Yes, sir.

I'm guessing this is not the surprise they expected.

Thomas. What is going on?

I don't know.

This is horrible. He was your sponsor.

Murdoch, what's this all about?

I... (gasping)

Ladies and gentlemen, Mark Twain.

(applause and booing)

Go back to America, Twain.

You don't belong here.

Thank you.

For king and country!

You don't belong here!

Ladies and gentlemen, what a pleasure it is to be a guest in your esteemed city.

(g*nsh*t)

(gasping)

Is anyone hurt?

Thomas!

Margaret, stay close.

Mr. Twain. Are you all right?

I believe I will need another drink.

Splendid idea.

Oh, Thomas.

.44 calibre.

Please thank Doctor Ogden for escorting Margaret home.

Yes, of course. Sir, did you hear anything of note?

No one appears to have seen anything.

And you believe them?

No reason not to. We didn't.

Right.

May I escort Mr. Twain back to his hotel?

Wursley, please escort the two gentlemen back to their hotel.

Mr. Twain, welcome to Canada.

Well, it was a robust one.

Yes. I'll be needing to ask you further questions in the morning.

Yes. Of course.

Had you taken leave of your senses?

He is the author of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn,

I didn't expect...

Mr. Twain is also the vice-president of the Anti-Imperialist League and a critic of His Majesty.

Why in God's name did you book him?

I may not have researched him thoroughly.

You, sir, are the master of understatement.

Mr. Wilson.

Yes.

Detective William Murdoch, Toronto Constabulary.

I would like a list of all of your members that were present this evening.

You surely don't think one of us...

At the moment, no one is above suspicion.

I trust you will be discrete about this.

Of course we will, sir.

I'll procure you the list.

Chin up, Thomas.

I don't think this will change anything.

Mr. Fanshaw, why did you object to Mr. Twain's presence?

The man is a bounder. Pure and simple.

Could you expand on that?

Do you know what he says about our way of life?

He calls it the most grotesque swindle ever perpetrated by man.

He all but proclaims our beloved King a Devil.

So he deserves to be sh*t?

I heard you were an ex-m*llitary man, as am I.

What do you think?

Uh, well, uh...

Mr. Fanshaw. Members of the club have stated that you carry a w*apon.

I do. What of it?

May we see it?

It's in my locker at the club.

You are more than welcome to examine it.

But I did not sh**t at the man. In fact, I wasn't even in the room when the scoundrel was sh*t at. I was at the bar, trying to gather my composure.

Norman will vouch for me. Gentlemen.

I suppose she forgot the date.

What are you on about, Henry?

Mary Lawrence.

She was to accompany me to the musical theatre last night.

What have you got there?

Oh, I had them made after my promotion.

When you were in jail.

Right. Subtle.

Anyhow, I went to collect her last night, and her flatmate said she'd left for the evening.

Mary Lawrence, this is the one with the sick mother?

She's always sick!

Every time I call on her, her mother's on her deathbed.

I suggested perhaps she should retire to the country; perhaps the clean air would sort...

Mark Twain.

Excuse me?

Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass.

W. Epaminondas Adrastus Blab. Sergeant Fathom.

Samuel Langhorne Clemens.

Mark Twain!

Mr. Twain. It's an honour to meet you.

The honour is both yours and mine.

Oh, there's no need to say that. George Crabtree, Constable Third Class. I used to be First Class, Constable First Class, but I made a rather unfortunate choice which led to a series of blunders from which I... I'm prattling.

You're here to see some of the Detective's inventions, I'll wager.

No, no, no.

Somebody sh*t at me yesterday.

Well, it's a good thing they missed, I should say.

Mr. Twain.

Thank you for coming in. George, Henry, I need you to go to the Empire Club and search Richard Fanshaw's locker.

Sir.

What are we looking for, sir?

A g*n.

Preferably one that's been recently fired.

Right this way.

Good day to you, Mr. Twain.

Good to meet you, son.

Henry, we've just met one of the greatest writers the world has ever seen.

George, do you think it might be possible that Miss Lawrence is purposely avoiding me?

(sighing)

Mr. Twain, given your political leanings, did you not consider that your speaking at the Empire Club could be seen as a... a provocative act?

Are you saying that whoever sh*t at me had the right to?

Of course not.

I must say I was surprised that the organization booked me.

As was I.

Seeing you describe the monarchy as sl*ve owners who attained wealth by stealing it.

Close, but what I actually said was: "I believe I should really see the end of what is surely the grotesquest of all swindles ever invented by man, the monarchy."

You don't agree?

We are ruled by Britain.

Your comments may be viewed by some as offensive.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think of my own government as different.

I am an anti-Imperialist, and as such, I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land.

So you're unpopular both home and abroad.

You think it's possible someone followed you here to Toronto?

It's possible.

Given my points of view, it's somewhat of a surprise that someone hasn't sh*t at me before.

And to what do I owe the pleasure?

I've been reviewing your application for membership.

And?

You are a strong candidate.

Thank you.

I've canceled Mr. Twain's engagement at our club.

Considering the circumstances, that's a wise move.

I would dearly love to see that man ridden out of town on a rail.

These self-proclaimed champions of the people are nothing but a menace.

Well, I don't exactly have the authority.

You're a police inspector, sir.

What more authority do you need? A Royal Warrant?

The membership review committee meets in a few days.

Good day.

You would think Miss Lawrence would be interested, you know, me being a Constable First Class and all.

You'd think.

I'll admit it is nice to have a few extra dollars in the pay packet.

Trumpers and Truefitt, George!

Rose Mouthwash! The Royal Family uses this.

Henry!

(spritzing)

Nothing.

Excuse me, George?

Forget it. Let's go check out behind the club, Henry.

And put that back.

Margaret, what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm just so excited, Thomas. Have you heard any news yet?

No.

Oh. But I just saw Mr. Wilson leave.

Have you been spying on me, woman?

I just happened to see him leave as I was arriving.

Oh, I don't mean to pry, Thomas, I'm just a-twitter about the possibility.

Margaret Brackenreid, married to a member of the Empire Club.

That would certainly shut Verna up.

Why are you so worried about bloody Verna?

Oh, it's just her and her gazebo.

If I hear another word...

I don't know why you insist on trying to keep up with Verna bloody Jones. Now come on.

Oh, Thomas.

It is foul back here.

I didn't notice, Henry, all I can smell is you.

Perhaps you can continue here, and I'll check the locker rooms again.

You go ahead and do that, Henry.

I'll go ahead and bring in the evidence.

I'll take that.

I was a riverboat captain for two years, until the w*r of the States broke out.

That's when I took my pen name.

Do tell.

Mark Twain.

Means twelve foot of water, safe for sail.

Seemed an appropriate moniker to launch my literary adventuring.

Yeah.

After that it was Virginia City and the silver rush.

William went to the Klondike.

The gold rush.

Indeed.

Make any money?

Can't say I did.

Neither did I. (Chuckling)

Unfortunately the story of my life lately.

That Constable Crabtree says you're something of a tinkerer.

Oh, he's more than that.

William is an inventor. I daresay if he ever left the police force, he'd give Mr. Tesla a run for his money.

Julia, I hardly think that...

Inventions...

I put all my money into a brand new printing press, the Paige Compositor.

Left me destitute.

Hence the dog and pony show I am currently on.

I've got hundreds of creditors on my back.

Are any of those creditors from Toronto?

Well, poss...

You don't think...

Two main motives for m*rder, Mr. Twain: love and money.

Anything of interest?

Henry's found the w*apon. It's been recently fired and it matches the calibre of the b*ll*ts we retrieved.

Is it Fanshaw's?

It is.

But his alibi still holds up.

So anyone could have used it.

Do you know if Mr. Twain is planning on leaving town soon?

I... I don't think so.

It would be in his best interests if he did.

Perhaps you could persuade him.

May I ask why?

The Empire Club would like him gone.

They've made that quite clear to me.

And you would like to secure your membership.

Hear me out, Murdoch. Just hear me out.

I give my wife more grief than good.

She would dearly love a taste of high society and I'd like to give her it.

I'll tell Mr. Twain that our investigation can proceed without him.

Thank you, Murdoch. (Clicking tongue)

You two are lucky people.

What makes you say that?

You seem to be in a relationship of equals.

My wife Livy has been by my side my entire life.

A true partner.

I've heard of her by reputation.

She's dying now. Been dying since my daughter d*ed.

Mr. Twain, I'm so sorry.

And we are broke.

Due in no small part to reckless ways.

That Empire job would have paid well.

There must be people who want to hear you.

Well, I did secure an engagement in Albany, but the job pays nothing.

Mr. Twain, I have a proposition.

I'd like to pay you for a series of lectures to the Dominion Woman's Enfranchisement Association.

I hear you're a supporter.

Yes, I am.

Julia, the last time Mr. Twain tried to take the podium, he was sh*t at.

It's not wise.

So you would rather he run and hide than exercise his right to free speech?

Of course not. I am merely suggesting that Toronto may not be the most hospitable venue for his views.

Then what better place to express them?

I doubt there's a more useless endeavour than preaching to the already converted.

Your wife?

She's hired him for a series of speaking engagements.

The man is desperate for money.

So he's staying then?

For the foreseeable future, yes.

Bollocks.

And that's all of them?

All I can recall.

These people who invested in your schemes did so of their own free will?

I have surprising powers of persuasion.

Mr. Twain, do you really need to speak at this engagement?

My wife is dying.

I have squandered her fortune and mine.

I need to offer her some comfort after all she has done for me.

So, yes, I need to speak at this engagement.

I'll look into this.

I'll be right back.

Gentlemen. I'd like you to find out the whereabouts of these men the night that Mr. Twain was intended to speak. Sir.

Thank you.

I'll take Mr. Bertrand, Mr. Potts, and Mr. Hendrickson.

Let me have a look at that, George. I am Constable First Class now.

Right you are, Henry. I apologize.

I will get the others.

You can have Hendrickson.

He lives almost ten miles out of town.

Oh, I'm aware of that.

Then why would you volunteer?

Because he lives right next to Mrs. Hampshire's Finishing School.

Mary Lawrence went there.

Did she?

For a time.

She left, she said the women there were of easy virtue.

Oh, indeed, and if I recall correctly, today is laundry day.

I remember once, Jackson and I had to reprimand a couple of them for wandering around in their unmentionables.

Did you?

Yes.

And they were from France.

The unmentionables. Parisian undergarments.

Well, allow me to save you the trip.

(spritzing)

I could use a brisk bicycle ride.

It's a shame you don't have a fence that needs painting.

That was last summer, sir.

Mr. Twain.

Could I have a word?

So this is where you do the King's bidding?

I simply enforce the Criminal Code.

I apologize.

I was trying for humour. I fail as much as I succeed.

You've ruffled a few feathers.

Beg your pardon?

I said, you've ruffled a few feathers.

I suppose I have.

And you've put your own life at risk.

Perhaps it would be for the best if you were to leave town.

I speak out against injustice.

No matter what side of the border.

Imperialism, British or American, is a scourge on this earth.

It is our duty to civilize these people.

Oof...

Your "White Man's Burden" is an insult, sir.

What right do we have to impose our way of life on other people?

America lied to the Filipino people.

Promised them liberation, delivered tyranny.

You sound like a traitor, sir.

No. I simply protest when the "powers that be" do something wrong.

I doubt there is anything traitorous about that.

And you feel you have the right.

Of course I have the right.

You have the right, I have the right. We are free men, sir.

You live in a new country.

One that could chart its own course.

Why would you willfully labour under the yoke of scoundrels?

My King is a scoundrel?

(Chuckling)

All Kings are scoundrels.

Mr. Brackenreid, you seem like a good man.

You don't deserve to have a master.

Why am I in here?

Mr. Hendrickson, the Constable who spoke with you said you became agitated at the mention of Mark Twain. As such, I'd like a few words.

If you want to know my personal feelings toward Mr. Twain, I can be most clear. I hate the man.

Enough to k*ll?

If I could do it without consequence, certainly.

The man lied to me, took every penny I had.

I may have been a fool, but he was a thief.

Yes. Mr. Twain convinced you to invest in the Paige Compositor.

It was going to change the world.

Revolutionize the printing process.

It was a sure thing, he said.

The only sure thing about it was penury.

I have to ask: do you know what this is?

That's a Webley and Scott. m*llitary Issue.

But it certainly isn't mine.

It looks like Fanshaw's.

You knew he kept it at the club, yes?

He usually pulled it out when regaling us with stories of the Battle of Rorke's Drift.

Zulus to the left of us, Zulus to the right of us.

That sort of thing.

But I was nowhere near the Club that night.

The Club?

That's where the sh**ting was.

How do you know that?

The newspapers.

The sh**ting was never reported to the press.

And certainly wasn't made public.

Club President Wendel Wilson made sure of that.

Then I must have heard it from one of the members.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to stay here, Mr. Hendrickson.

Mark Twain?

He's supported suffrage for years.

Oh, so an intelligent man.

Yes.

Will you still be here to see him?

I don't leave for a week yet.

I envy you.

London is going to be such an adventure.

Won't it?

I... I just wonder, sometimes, why I just grasp at the next new thing.

Shouldn't I have a plan?

You're young.

Plans are for the old.

That's why I've never made any.

Now, Mr. Wilson, have you ever seen this man before?

Of course. That's Randolf Hendrickson. A member.

Seriously in arrears.

I see. Was he at the club the night of the sh**ting?

I'm not sure. But he was there earlier in the day.

Clearing out his locker, I believe.

Thank you.

I'll need you to sign a statement confirming what you've just told me.

Of course.

Murdoch, we have a problem.

What is it, sir?

There's been a sh**ting at Mr. Twain's hotel room.

I opened the door. The man started f*ring.

Can you describe him?

I didn't have my glasses, it all happened so quickly.

And I was going to give chase, but I saw young Benson on the floor.

Did you see anything?

All I saw was the g*n.

Are you all right?

I stumbled when I tried to get out of the way.

Both Mr. Hendrickson and Mr. Wilson were with me at the moment the sh*ts were fired.

Despite Wilson's objections, somebody could have been acting on their behalf.

Bugalugs does have a point.

And besides, Hendrickson did lie about being at the club.

What about Fanshaw?

I checked his alibi.

It still holds up.

George, have you questioned Mr. Potts?

No, sir.

Please do.

And also question any remaining folks who may have invested in schemes at Mr. Twain's behest.

Sir, shouldn't we still be looking into the Club?

I mean, it seems the most likely place.

No, I intend to. Henry, I'd like you to apply for membership at the Empire Club. Sir! George, Henry's worked hard on this case.

He brought in Mr. Hendrickson. He found the g*n.

Besides, have you taken a whiff of him lately? (Sniffing)

He smells like a bloody toff.

(Chuckling)

Henry James of James, James, Jarvis and James.

Ahh. And your uncle is a member of the Royal Victorian Order?

Indeed. Uncle Clive served Her Majesty until her death.

And you're recently emigrated?

Scant months ago, yes.

Homesick?

Oh, I shall adjust, but I do sometimes think that the only soil worth standing on is British soil.

I concur.

But you'll soon see this place as British soil.

It does seem a most genteel environment.

Take a look around, ask some questions.

I believe some of our younger members may be around today.

Thank you, sir.

(laughter)

It's a grand country, really. Once you get used to the bloody winters.

And the colonials.

That takes some doing.

I hear you had a rather infamous one of them in here recently.

A Mr. Twain.

That was Clarence Eldridge's doing.

The old man's dotty.

Didn't even know who he was.

But Mr. Wilson had that scoundrel out the door with hardly a fare thee well.

And lucky for him.

I would have loved to introduce him to a proper pair of dukes.

(laughing)

Yes. I heard through the grapevine that sh*ts may have been fired.

No one was hurt.

Still, I imagine it would have made for a riotous evening.

You've heard Mr. Twain is speaking this evening.

Here?

Here?

A speech about allowing women the right to vote?

Mr. Wilson says that speech will occur over his dead body.

His or Mr. Twain's.

(laughing)

Really, they seem nothing more than a bunch of blowhards with an appetite for port, sir.

Although I did hear that some members of the Empire Club plan to disrupt Mr. Twain's speech.

Oh?

So, sir, I thought maybe I should go back, investigate further, as it were.

Get back in uniform, Henry.

Sir.

I could get used to this.

Good for you, Henry.

Miss Lawrence is excited about the news that I am soon to be a member of the Empire Club.

Is that right?

I assume her mother's health has taken a turn for the better.

It has indeed.

Did you question the rest of the investors as the Detective asked?

Yes, I did.

In fact, here are my notes.

Why don't you take credit for those as well?

Whatever do you mean, George?

I would rather this didn't proceed.

William, you sound like a phonograph that's become stuck.

Julia, I don't want you on the stage with him.

William, I'm going to be on stage.

Doctor Ogden, I agree with the Detective. Keep in mind, whoever's gunning for Mr. Twain does not seem to be a very good sh*t.

Thank you very much, George.

You realize the Empire Club has half of the city up in arms.

What a surprise.

Any time anyone in Toronto suggests anything progressive, half the city is up in arms!

I'm just not sure it is necessary to have a man advocating for our cause.

You are a sour one.

I am not.

I just believe we women are more than capable of stating our own case.

We can state it all we want, but it makes no matter if no one is listening.

I suppose so...

Did you just agree with me?

I suppose I did.

We are making progress.

What is happening here? Excuse me.

Let us pass.

Go home.

No, we shall not. Now let us pass.

There will be no lecture tonight, I'm afraid.

Move out of our way, sir. Or I shall be forced to...

Hit me with your handbag?

(Men chuckling)

Give it your best.

Stand aside, Mr. Wilson.

Look at this rabble.

Send them home.

Did you not hear me?

Send them home and call off this lecture.

Move out of our way.

Oi, watch it!

Do I need remind you what's at stake here?

No, you don't. Now please clear out of the way, Mr. Wilson.

If you and your friends want to attend the event, buy a ticket like the rest of them.

If not, stop being a nuisance.

You're not calling off this lecture?

You got wax in your ears? Move along, otherwise you'll be spending a night in my cells.

You, sir, have just made yourself a very dangerous enemy.

Oh, I've made worse.

I hope you realize I am formally rescinding my sponsorship.

Oh, move along, Eldridge, you old codger!

(Women laughing)

Ladies...

Inspector.

Thank you.

Wow...

Mr. Twain, perhaps this wasn't a good idea.

Perhaps I should tell them that you've taken ill.

I can't do that.

Look at that crowd.

William has often accused me of being impulsive.

Perhaps he's right.

Are you ready, Mr. Twain?

I certainly am.

(applause)

Keep your eyes open, George.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great honour to introduce to you one of America's finest men of letters.

The author of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer,

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and countless essays, both literary and scholarly.

Please welcome Mr. Mark Twain.

(Applause)

Thank you, ladies. And gentlemen.

Your welcome is a lot warmer than the one I received earlier.

(laughter)

And a lot less dangerous.

You know, when you have lived as long as I have, you have the right to change your mind.

And that's what I'm going to do here tonight.

I'm gonna change the minds of those of you who believe that women should not have the right to vote.

Let me read you something.

"I never want to see the women voting, and gabbling about politics, and electioneering.

There is something revolting in the thought.

Let your natural bosses do the voting."

(murmurs) Those were my words.

That's what I believed, until I met my wife, Olivia Langdon.

After that meeting, I came to believe that a woman is always right.

(laughter and applause)

And I became a woman's rights man!

You know, if women held the right to vote, the world would not be in the state it's in.

(applause)

I am prepared to speak until I have convinced every single one of you.

Mr. Benson, would you? My mother...

(g*nsh*t)

(screaming)

George. Upstairs!

Bloody Hell.

I'll get him to the morgue, Julia.

Let the detective know my report will be on his desk.

Thank you, Emily.

Are you all right, Mr. Twain?

The fault is all mine.

No, the blame can be shared equally. I should never have suggested this.

If they hadn't attempted it here, they would have attempted it somewhere else.

We'll find out who did this, Mr. Twain.

Some of the members from the Empire Club were outside the building.

One of those buggers will be responsible for this.

Sir.

Shall I escort Mr. Twain back to his hotel?

Yes, please, George. And stand guard for the night. Be vigilant.

Sir. Mr. Twain.

The fatal sh*t came from up here.

It was an easy sh*t.

Would've been like sh**ting fish in a barrel.

He should have succeeded this time.

Yes. He should have.

I am prepared... to convince every single one of you.

Brackenreid: He should never have missed.

(screaming)

Sir.

What if Mr. Twain was never the intended target?

The young lad. Benson.

He appears to be the only one unfortunate enough to have been struck by a b*llet.

Mr. Twain, why was Mr. Benson in your employ?

How do you mean?

Well, he was an employee at the Empire Club.

He left that position to work with me.

Forgive me for asking, but you mentioned you were broke.

How could you afford to pay him?

He agreed to work on commission.

He would find me speaking engagements and take a percentage.

Why would he leave a job at one of the finest clubs in the city and give up a regular paycheque?

He would have made more with me.

He had already found me several engagements.

We were to go to St. Louis after the speech tonight.

That boy was a smooth operator.

You had conversations with him.

Did he have any enemies?

The only thing he ever said to me was that his time with the Empire Club was short-lived.

That it was time for him to move on.

Why?

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

Perhaps another visit to the Empire Club is in order.

Then maybe we should send in our own smooth operator.

You'll need to find out everything you can about Mr. Benson.

Yes, sir.

Um, what would you like to know exactly?

How about if anyone there would have been inclined to m*rder him.

Oh, of course, sir.

Um, I was wondering if I shouldn't bring a female companion?

It could provide an excellent cover...

It's a men's club!

Quite right.

Damn shame.

That it is.

But life goes on.

For some of us at least.

Barkeep.

Yes. What can I get for you?

And you are?

Samuel. Samuel Langhorne.

I'm the new man.

Good to meet you, Samuel.

Could you prepare me a gimlet?

A gimlet. Yes, of course.

Let's see if he prepares one as well as Bens.

A gimlet, um...

Well, obviously he can't.

Do you prefer fresh limes, sir, or cordial?

(Laughing)

Fresh, of course.

Very good. You were having us on.

To Benson.

He was a good one.

You are speaking of the man I'm replacing, I assume?

We are indeed.

But no one will ever replace Benson.

Gentlemen, I assure you, I've tended bar in some of the... finest establishments in all the land.

I'm sure you mix a fine drink, but Benson could do so much more.

You could always count on him.

For a favour.

An alibi.

A spot of female comfort.

When he himself wasn't comforting females.

(laughing)

Very good.

I'm sometimes surprised he lasted here as long here as he did, considering some of his escapades.

Escapades?

Hello, fellows.

Ah, James. Come over here.

We're having a bit of a wake for our dear departed.

(grunting)

Sir, please allow me...

Thank you.

Anything I can get for you, sir?

Scotch and water.

Any brand you prefer?

Scottish.

(scoffing) These escapades you were speaking of...

Well, far be it from me to gossip, but...

Good work, George.

Thank you, sir.

Even if you weren't authorized to do so.

Sir, I felt I needed to remind you that I'm capable of dealing with anything that's thrown at me. Despite my rank.

George, you're Constable Third Class in name only.

We all know that.

Why did you book Mr. Twain?

He's a renowned humourist. A world traveler.

And an enemy of the British Empire.

I didn't know that.

Mr. Eldridge, you may enjoy acting the fool, but don't play me for one.

You knew all about Mr. Twain's reputation, and you knew it would cause a stir.

Thomas, I realize you must be upset, but I had no choice but to withdraw my offer of sponsorship.

I don't give two monkeys about your sponsorship.

I believe that you knew Mr. Twain's visit would cause a great deal of commotion.

And in a commotion, many things can happen.

And indeed they did. But I would never have suspected that a member of our club would...

I recall you telling me you sh*t that gnu.

I did.

Two hundred yards if it was an inch.

Indeed.

A p*stol's a different proposition altogether though, isn't it?

I would imagine.

I think you now know that for a fact.

Why did you assign Mr. Benson to be Mr. Twain's minder?

He was an able young fellow.

An excellent concierge at the club, as well as a fine bartender.

I knew he'd be able to make Mr. Twain's stay comfortable.

He was known to make a lot of people comfortable, isn't that true?

Yes. It's a shame to lose him.

Is it?

How's Clarissa taking it?

Excuse me?

Your wife, Clarissa.

Almost thirty years your junior.

How is she feeling about Mr. Benson's death?

Why are you bringing my wife into this?

Because she's at the center of it, isn't she?

She is not.

Your wife had been seeing young Benson for some time.

I imagine you might have been able to handle it, but when the rest of the club found out, they looked on you as a laughing stock.

The wife of a member of the Empire Club sleeping with a lowly bartender and not caring who knew.

You don't know that.

Men talk to bartenders.

Even more than they do their priests.

We know exactly what your wife was doing with Mr. Benson.

And you knew it too, didn't you?

I told her to stop.

But she wouldn't, so you k*lled Benson instead!

Mr. Twain was nothing more than a diversion.

Look on the bright side, Clarence.

She won't be sleeping with him anymore.

Did you really say that to Mr. Wilson?

Indeed I did.

Thomas...

Now, Margaret, I know that you're probably upset...

You did the right thing.

Your honour is far more important than associating with a bunch of windbags.

So you're satisfied with the odd policeman's ball?

More than satisfied.

Besides, you'd have probably been kicked out of there within two weeks anyway.

What about Verna Jones's gazebo?

Didn't you hear?

It burnt down in a mysterious fire.

I will give Nikola your best the next time I see him.

Please do.

And Doctor Ogden, I do hope you'll be successful. We will be, one day.

And Inspector, I owe you an apology.

An autograph will suffice, Mr. Twain.

They rejected me.

The Empire Club?

Apparently my thievery was noted.

You didn't say anything, did you, George?

Of course not.

And Henry, all they would've had to do was take a whiff of you.

Constable Crabtree, you strike me as a man with a nimble mind.

Thank you, sir.

And this work of yours shows some promise.

You read it?

I started it.

Got any more in you?

I don't know. I haven't much felt like writing lately.

Oh...

You spent some time in penitentiary.

Lost a fiancée.

Indeed.

Take it from me, son.

Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.

Go to it.

Thank you, Mr. Twain.

Announcer: On the next Murdoch.

She was deliberately targeted.

Announcer: m*rder hits close to home.

Why would she lie to me?

Announcer: But can they find the m*rder*r...

The real k*ller could still be living under an assumed name.

Announcer: ... before death comes knocking?

Murdoch Mysteries, returns Monday, October 26th on CBC.