02x01 - Hotels

[bunniefuu]

(moaning, panting)

♪ I don't know about my dreams ♪

(knocking)

♪ I don't know about my dreaming anymore ♪

(knocking continues)

Man: They're ready for you, Alex!

I'm 10-1, Kurt!

Alex, I can't really hear with the noise out here.

You ready?

I'm coming!

Kurt: You want me to come in?

No, no, no, no, no!

Okay, I'm coming in.

No, no, no!

Hey, how you doing?

Come here, big boy.

Bye, Kurt.

(laughing)

Watch your step.

Lucy, those curls are luscious!

Headed in with first team.

Dizzy Dean, what's happening?

Unh! In the house!

Last looks.

A little sweaty now, aren't we?

Jesus, again?

Make me look beautiful.

Oh, it's the easiest job in the world.

All right, people, we gotta roll.

Buh-bye.

Bye.

Hey, bud, there's a couple fans out here who'd really like a quick autograph if you don't mind.

Really?

Yeah.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday! Hey!

Oh, my God!

What's happening?

What's the matter? Your phone doesn't work in Louisiana?

Oh, dude, I lost my phone, and then I got a new one...

Hi.

Hey! You looked scared for a second.

Yeah.

Tina.

Hey.

Captain.

They tell me you're doing a bang up job.

In fact, they won't shut up about it.

Oh, that's...

All right, I gotta steal him away.

But y'all can watch in video village if you want.

Okay.

All right.

Okay, I'll be back.

I gotta run too. Let's all do dinner.

Great.

Roll camera, roll sound.

Speed. Scene 88, take one.

(clacks)

And... action!

Now.

(wheels squeaking)

(snickers)

Shh.

It'll look right after it goes through VFX.

What has he done to you, Agnes?

I'm dying, my darling.

Without you, I don't want to go on.

You must stay... (crying) and continue the Lord's work from the dark side.

(sobbing)

Director: Crash!

You're too late!

Director: And cut!

(bell rings)

Jesus Christ, Pappas!

(applause)

One-take wonder over here.

Nice one, mate.

Oh my God, that was amazing.

Thank you so much.

All right, we got this.

Let's turn it around, people.

Uh, we're just doing one take? 'Cause I'm just getting warmed up, so...

Okay, the dolly, the lights, the tears, the sword.

Trust me this one time, we got it.

No, no, no. I know I k*lled it, but she actually stepped on my line.

Can we get that clean?

All right, going again.

Alex: Thank you.

Director: One more for Mr. Pappas.

(bell rings)

(trolley bell rings)

Brett: Weird, man, it was almost like that director was, like, afraid of him or something.

It's a very interesting dynamic going on.

Got it.

(door beeps)

Is this a Radisson?

Yeah, I tried to get something a little more New Orleansy, but the French Quarter was all sold out.

Sorry.

Did you do that?

I don't know what happened. Who put that there?

That's so nice.

Would you like to eat the sh*t out of some french fries and pie?

Sure.

♪ No, I can't ♪
♪ Stop it ♪
♪ No, I can't ♪
♪ Stop it ♪

(knocking)

♪ No, I can't ♪
♪ Stop it ♪

(knocking continues)

♪ I can't ♪
♪ Stop it ♪

Hi.

Hi.

Um, what are you doing here?

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Oh.

Hold on a second. It's Tina.

She's in the lobby.

Hello.

Okay, now this is a real collector's item.

What is it?

It is the compass to an ancient ship.

How much?

$4,200.

It's dirty.

It's a one-of-a-kind.

Five hundo.

Heh.

What should I do?

Do you like this?

Tina, I don't know. Get that, get that, I...

It doesn't matter.

What's the matter with you?

I...

What bug crawled up your ass?

Nothing.

Okay, well, I need your help, I mean, this important.

Things have been so weird with Alex, and I just wanna find him a birthday gift that... that has a little bit of meaning.

Because I feel like he's still mad at me from the whole thing before, and I don't want to go through this, like, tension with him anymore...

I slept with David.

Please say something.

Uh...

You're freaked out. You're so freaked out.

No!

I'm the worst person in the world.

No. Wait a minute...

I freaked you out.

Oh, okay, no, no.

You think I'm disgusting. Oh, God.

What?! I just had no idea you were planning on doing it.

I wasn't planning on... on anything.

It just...

Sacramento was like this perfect storm.

And like, as soon as it was over, I was like, "Oh, you're just a f*cking dude. You're just like this dude who's like, in my bed now."

And I just wanted him out, and I felt so sick.

I felt so sick.

Okay, honey, it's okay.

Oh, f*ck.

And Brett has been, like, the greatest husband ever.

It's so hard to keep it in, Tina.

It's making me crazy. It's so hard.

I'm walking around with a secret he should know.

I'm gonna have to tell him. I'm gonna tell him.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you want my advice?

Yes.

Keep your f*cking mouth shut.

Tina, I can't.

Uh, yeah, you can.

That's not good advice.

Can I tell you something else?

I have f*cked... one or two married people, and, you know, the time that it became a disaster was 'cause he told his wife.

And you know what I meant to this guy?

Nothing.

Oh my God, your f*cking husband just walked in here.

What the f*ck?

Oh, Tina, oh my God.

Did he hear us talking?

No, he just...

What's he doing in here?

He's shopping.

What do you wanna do?

Can we... I...

Hey, dork!

Hey, guys! What are you doing here?

Hi, babe.

Why would you answer to "dork"?

I don't know.

Can I help you with something, sir?

Uh, I'm good. I'm just browsing. Thanks.

I'll take this.

All: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Alex: Good, Larry.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Tina, you're flat.

♪ Happy birthday, dear Alex ♪

Perfect pitch.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Thank you.

All right. Yay!

Little bit over here.

All right, there we go.

Good, good.

Okay, presents?

Mmm, yes, presents! Yes.

Okay, so...

Michelle and I have something for you. It's not easily transportable.

So, we got a picture Okay. so you can kind of see what it is.

Awesome.

Brett: Michelle tracked it down.

Is that his real autograph?

Brett: It's an original.

Come on, the suspense is k*lling me.

It's an original "It's a Wonderful Life" poster with Jimmy Stewart's actual autograph.

Gah! You guys are amazing.

Aww. Oh-ho.

Man after my own heart.

Love you, buddy.

I love you guys.

Oh my God, my mind is blown right now.

Me next, me next, me next, me next.

Okay.

Christy: It's not as good as that.

Garfield wrapping paper!

Yeah, boo.

"Love me, feed me, never leave me."

That's my mantra.

A smartwatch!

Boom.

Yes!

Christy: Yeah, we can sync our runs together.

This is too much.

Thanks, sweetie.

Yeah, boo.

Alex: Okay, who's next?

Let's go.

No, no. Oh!

Oh, no! The guy gave me the wrong gift.

Honey, you said it was perfect?

Well, it was, but this isn't it.

Alex: Tina, you didn't have to give me a gift. Just the fact that you're here is enough.

You know what? He's probably still open.

Let me just go run and see if I can quickly...

Oh. sh*t.

Oh. Sorry.

Hey!

Hey! I have... I want to exchange this!

Hey!

Hello?

I see you, m*therf*cker!

Hey!

Rah! Aah!

Hahaha!

Brett: And they just keep bringing all this food.

And it's so crazy.

Oh, God.

(panting)

Where is he?

That's very large.

Uh, they're in the bathroom.

Oh. Okay.

Come on.

(giggling)

Hey, here it is.

Whoa, what is that?

This is your gift, dummy.

Oh!

Okay.

It's really heavy.

So, this is so that you never lose your way.

Great. It's really charming.

It's dope. It's like a scuba thing.

It's a compass.

It's from an old Greek ship.

That's cool.

I think that's actually Italian, the markings.

No, but it's... The ship was Greek.

It's 150 years old.

Thank you. It's great.

Christy: Um, are we partying? Are we continuing this?

Yes, yes, yes?

I got a late call tomorrow, so who's in?

Uh, I mean, I would definitely do one more drink if you are up for it?

Um... yeah.

Yes.

We could do that.

All right, we're in.

We are in.

(stammering)

Oh, I... know how you people work.

One more drink is not one drink. It's beddy-bye time.

Aww. We're coming.

Okay, roger that. Like I said, one drink.

Hey, Captain!

Yo.

Can you, uh... Can you take this to the Bourbon Inn for me?

Yeah, bro, drop it on in.

All right.

What's going on?

He's gonna take it to the hotel.

No, no, no, no. That's not a good idea.

Not to worry. I'll get it there safely.

That's okay, I got it.

I got it.

(grunting)

Okay, sorry.

All right, suit yourselves.

So, you're gonna carry that?

Yeah.

Okay.

So, dude, I haven't had a chance to talk about...

What?

The...

The Sacramento adventure.

Oh!

Yeah. My stupid-ass phone, man.

It would have been nice to have had a check-in with you.

Oh, I know. We were sh**ting nights, and my schedule flip-flops, so I just...

You know. Sorry.

Anyway.

I severely underestimated the amount of electric juice my car needed to get to Sacramento.

So, I broke down in the desert.

But it was fine. I got, like, a tow, and a charge, and I finally made it there in the morning, and I just laid it all out there, like you said.

That's great, man.

It was good. It wasn't great.

It didn't k*ll like I wanted it to.

(laughing)

And I... I think she was a little hesitant, which... I guess I don't blame her.

Because... Look, I've been dragging ass for a long time, and then I pull this one-eighty on her, and I think she feels like it might not be, like, the real thing. You know?

How do you feel?

Dude, I feel f*cking awesome.

I have, like, undergone a change, and I want her to know that it's real.

But she's like, resistant, a little bit.

So, I just, like... I got something planned this weekend that's gonna, like, take it up a notch, so...

Go something up your sleeve?

I got a little something tucked up in the sleeve.

I'm gonna whoop... pull it out.

I love that!

That's great.

It's good to see you.

Yeah, dude.

Let's go! Down the hatch, everyone!

(whoops)

Brett: Mmm. What do they call it?

Alex: It's called "alligator piss."

Yeah, it's supposed to be really tasty.

You!

You!

Come in here! Come in here!

♪ 'Ho, who is you playin' wit? Back that azz up ♪
♪ Pass it up good, won't you back that azz up? ♪
♪ You'se a fine m*therf*cker, won't you back that azz up ♪
♪ Call me Big Daddy when you back that azz up ♪
♪ Back that azz up, back that azz up ♪

(cheering)

Piano player: All right, coming up next, Kaye, singing...

Wanna sing one with me?

Sure.

How you doing?

I'm okay.

Let's take a walk. Come on.

Really?

Yeah.

Should we tell them where we're going?

Eh, that's what texting is for.

♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
♪ Nobody cares for me ♪

(cheering)

All right, Tina and Larry.

(gasps)

That's us!

Can you go get him out of the bathroom?

I've followed him into a bathroom before. I'm not doing that again.

Please, come on. It's not like he's having sex in there.

Last call!

No.

Okay!

Uh, can you just start, please?

All right, darlin'.

(plays piano)

Go, girl.

♪ Is love so fragile ♪
♪ And the heart so hollow ♪

Go get Larry.

No, I'm not going in there.

Why? 'Cause he's pooping or something?

Yeah, he's dropping a deuce.

♪ You say I'm fragile ♪
♪ I'm trying not to be ♪
♪ I search only for someone ♪
♪ Who's in the f*cking bathroom ♪ Larry!

You should go up there.

What? No.

Go.

Uh-uh, that ain't happening.

She's gonna do both parts?

She can handle it.

Don't be weird. Go sing with her.

(music continues)

(people murmuring)

Yeah. I...

Yay! We've finally got a live one, folks.

(applause)

♪ You in the moonlight ♪
♪ With your sleepy eyes ♪
♪ Could you ever love a man like me? ♪
♪ And you were right ♪
♪ When I walked into your house ♪
♪ I knew I didn't want to leave ♪
♪ Lovers forever ♪
♪ Lovers forever ♪
♪ Face to face ♪
♪ Face to face ♪

All right, you asked for it.

Ha.

Wow.

Enjoy.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Okay.

Um, this way.

Love it.

Great.

♪ Lovers forever ♪
♪ Lovers forever ♪
♪ Face to face ♪
♪ Face to face ♪
♪ My city or mountains ♪
♪ My city or mountains ♪
♪ Stay with me stay ♪
♪ Stay with me stay ♪
♪ I need you to love me ♪
♪ I need you to love me ♪
♪ I need you today ♪
♪ I need you today ♪
♪ Give to me your leather ♪
♪ Give to me your leather ♪
♪ Take from me my lace ♪

(laughing)

I think these two gonna make it. Y'all got something special.

No! No, no, no.

We're not together.

Neither of us have any chance of making it.

There's my girl! There's my girl.

Tina: Thank you!

(laughing)

What?

I'm pretty sure this is real.

Okay.

I can feel that...

You know, you're not sure what's happening with me right now.

And look, things have been hard for a couple of years, and I've been very fussy and very grumpy.

And... all in my own little, selfish little space for a long time, so I get it.

But I want you to know that... this is real.

This change is real for me. Okay?

And...

(sighs)

I bought this thing. It's a little stupid, It's... but just hear me out.

Um...

I want you to know I...

I love you so much, and I love our family so much.

And I know I took all of that for granted, I know, but that's over.

I will never do that again.

(chuckling)

Or maybe... maybe I will, but I'm gonna try my ass off.

I will be the best dad and the best husband that I can possibly be.

But I need you to come to me.

And...

I want you to marry me.

Again.

Please.

(gasps)

(laughing)

That's good. That's good.

You gonna put your d*ck in there?

Just my balls.

I know, 'cause of her fiery cauldron of a vag*na.

I gotta go.

Wait!

One more second.

Yes?

What is your deal?

Huh?

I mean, you didn't like the compass?

The compass? I love the compass.

It's great.

Come on.

You barely said thank you and then you tried to ditch it.

Um, I said thank you twice, and then we were going to the French Quarter, And it weighs like 400 pounds...

Yeah, you know why it weighs 400 pounds?

'Cause it's a real f*cking antique, that's why.

Okay. Well, I didn't ask you to buy me a piece of a ship.

It's not just a piece of a ship, you f*cking idiot!

It's a f*cking real compass.

It cost $4,200.

(chuckling)

I... What?

Why would you...

That's crazy. Why would you do that?

That's a lot of money.

Wow. Okay, really?

I mean...

I... I wanted to do something...

Things have been really weird between us. I wanted to...

I wanted...

I missed you, and it was a long time, and I realized that you're my best friend.

Okay.

What are you doing?

I'm not doing anything.

Come on.

Okay.

Well, it's not...

It's not that easy for me to be around you.

Why?

Are you...

(clears throat)

Are you gonna make me say this?

You have a girl.

I mean, can't we just...

Can't we just get back to normal?

(scoffs)

You... You... You broke my heart.

But I should be thanking you because it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

You know, it was just a critical part of the journey.

And this job, I mean, meeting Christy, how comfortable I feel in my own skin right now.

It's just...

I mean, I have you to thank for all of this.

So... sincerely, really, thank you.

♪ I think you'll understand ♪
♪ The way I feel can't be helped ♪
♪ You owe them nothing ♪
♪ It's time to walk away ♪
♪ And leave this behind ♪
♪ Let go ♪
♪ I will treat you better ♪
♪ I will treat you better ♪
♪ I will treat you better ♪
♪ I'll treat you better ♪
♪ Hold ♪
♪ On ♪
♪ Hold ♪
♪ On ♪