02x02 - Tricks and Treats

[bunniefuu]

Leo, Leo, come on, get up.

Help me!

Don't answer it.

There's a k*ller of women on the loose.

They caught that guy.

Threw him in the nuthouse.

In Briarcliff.

He's in there with Lana.

I have to recant.

I'm recanting tomorrow.

That might be tough.

You signed a document.

Not that anyone would blame you.

I'm gonna be sick.

Lois, don't.

You don't know who's out there.

Trick or treat.

Check out the mass murderers, Barb.

Is today Halloween?

Tomorrow. These little monsters are just getting a jump on the competition.

I don't have any candy.

That's okay, Miss Peyser.

We'll come back tomorrow.

God, the job, the kids, Halloween...

Nothing makes sense without her.

I just hate myself.

Hey, you want me to stay over tonight?

No, I-I'll be okay.

I just need a hot shower and a good night's sleep.

And tomorrow I'm gonna get her out of that place.

You can say that you made a mistake.

You got scared and you hit the panic button.

I have to get her out.

♪ Wishing and hoping ♪
♪ And thinking and praying ♪
♪ Planning and dreaming ♪
♪ His kiss is the start ♪
♪ That won't get you into his heart ♪
♪ So if you're thinking how great ♪
♪ True love is ♪
♪ All you've got to do is ♪
♪ Hold him and kiss him and squeeze him ♪
♪ And love him, yeah, just do it ♪
♪ And after you do ♪
♪ You will be his ♪
♪ You will be his ♪
♪ You will be his. ♪

I'm... I'm a schoolteacher.

The children - they won't understand.

Everybody, up and out! Now!

Come on, stand out in the hall.

Room search, Miss Winters.

We find it keeps our charges honest.

Food violation.

Oh, Pepper.

Now, tell me, why is it we don't allow food in the rooms?

Rats!

That's right, Pepper.

Why can't you get that through your pointy little head?

Huh?

Hey, Sister.

I have a cucumber in my room.

But not because I was hungry.

Stifle yourself, Shelley.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Find anything, Frank?

No, looks clean to me.

Check the pillowcase.

Uh-huh.

Here we are.

What do we have here?

"October 28.

Strip-searched and deloused.

Denied phone call."

Who would you like to call, Miss Winters?

The American Civil Lesbians Union?

My editor knows I came here to write a story.

And, boy, do I have a great scoop for him now.

Ah, yes. You know, I've read your columns about baked beans, gallivanting geese who lost their way home.

Riveting.

Too bad your ambition outweighs your talent.

I don't need those, Sister.

I have an excellent memory.

Yeah?

We'll see about that.

Ah. Sister Jude.

Always a pleasure to lay one's eyes on your sunny visage.

We have a problem.

The little sapphic reporter?

Yes, I noticed she'd been giving you fits.

I believe that her memories are her worst enemy.

They're terrorizing her, impeding repentance.

So you would like to help erase some of them.

Bring her a little peace of mind.

Correct.

Is electroshock therapy something you would suggest?

My...

that is quite a turnaround, Sister.

The last time I suggested electroshock therapy, you accused me of being a sadistic barbarian.

I prayed about it.

When I wasn't praying for you to find a halfway decent haberdasher.

And I came to the understanding that this therapy is just another tool in His bountiful tool chest.

Get them off! Help me!

Help me!

Please let me go.

Stop!

Get off!

Get off of me!

This woman is a kidnapper.

She's a kidnapper.

She blackmailed my lover into committing me.

Please help me!

I don't belong here!

Get me out of here!

You're right.

She is a noisy one.

Help me!

Given your interest, Sister, perhaps you'd like to assist.

Just hold these by her temples.

You're not squeamish, are you?

Sister.

Gentlemen.

I can handle it from here.

Thank you.

Mr. Walker, Dr. Oliver Thredson.

Patient is 24 years old.

All right if I call you Kit?

Sure.

Completed grades K through 12, no higher education.

Patient is believed responsible for the murders of multiple women, including his wife.

Seems unreasonable to me that a man should be denied the right to smoke.

The murders may have started as a purging of racial guilt at what his conditioning would have viewed as an illicit coupling.

Do you know why I'm here, Kit?

You're the headshrinker the courts sent to see if I'm crazy.

If you say I am, they leave me here to rot, and if you say I'm not, they put me on trial, and then fry me.

Patient is manipulative.

Trouble is...

I'm not crazy.

And I didn't k*ll those ladies.

What about your wife?

Alma's not dead.

That body didn't have a head.

None of the bodies had heads, Kit.

Initially, you told police that you were...

I know what I said!

But it wasn't Alma.

See, I know that now.

'Cause I'm starting to remember.

And I saw her.

After they took us, she was alive.

They?

The men from outer space?

They have her.

Diagnosis:

acute clinical insanity.

Dr. Arden, you're like a shadow.

How is my favorite little helper today?

They had quite the ferocious appetite last night.

Did you hear them?

No.

Expected to find the basket torn to pieces.

Please, Doctor, you must tell me - what are these creatures?

All in good time.

You haven't said anything to Sister Jude, now, have you?

No, of course not.

It's our secret.

Good.

A small token of my gratitude.

Oh!

A candy apple.

Looks delicious, but...

mm-mm, I can't.

Go ahead.

Have a bite.

Oh, Sister, life is too short for regrets.

Take a taste.

No, I really shouldn't.

Sister Jude says sweets lead to sin.

I said...

take a taste.

Did you do what I said?

Did you toss your sh*t at him?

Did you at least spit at him?

I can't do it.

I can't fake crazy.

What I need to do is escape this place now before he files that report and I'm screwed.

There is no escape.

I gave you your way out.

Think.

Think hard.

There's got to be a way out of this place.

I need to find Alma.

Now, what about the bakery?

Aren't there delivery vans?

How does that work?

You disguise yourself as a giant loaf of pumpernickel?

Sister Jude?

I'm Dr. Oliver Thredson.

Ah, the court-

appointed psychiatrist.

You've seen our k*ller of women, I trust.

So what's it going to be?

We gonna spare the taxpayers the expense of a trial or will I have a bed opening up?

I haven't made a determination yet.

Might we speak privately about the conditions here?

Conditions?

What conditions might those be?

In just the short time that I've been here, I have witnessed appalling things.

Abuse.

Malpractice.

Candidly, I'm shocked.

It's a madhouse, Doctor.

What did you expect?

I expected some form of treatment.

Therapy.

Sister, your hospital still administers electroshock therapy to treat h*m*.

It's barbaric.

Behavior modification is the current standard.

Tomato, "tomahto."

You know, Dr. Thredson, let me remind you, your job here is to write a recommendation to the court regarding the sanity of one patient.

So I suggest you do your job and let me do mine.

Now if you'll excuse me, there's another unfortunate family who requires our care.

Jed's been a good boy.

He's always listened.

He's never talked back.

Our problem started a month ago.

Mrs. Potter, you needn't worry.

Good boys gone bad is my area of expertise.

I've had great success in curbing the chronic masturbator.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

We weren't finished our conversation, Sister Jude.

I didn't realize you had company.

I'm Dr. Thredson, psychiatrist here.

I'm at your service.

You need to leave, Doctor.

Uh, Sister Jude, please.

Our boy is troubled; we could use a doctor's opinion.

How can I help?

Jed just turned 17.

Over the last month, he's grown listless, moody.

Sometimes he doesn't get up from bed for days.

And then, the next moment, it's like someone tied a live wire to his body.

Adolescence can be a time of conflict and rebellion.

No, Doctor.

Jed...

...sees things.

He hears voices that aren't there.

I'm afraid he'll bring us harm.

Yesterday, we heard terrible cries coming from the barn.

When I got there, I found Jed covered in blood, speaking a language no one could understand.

Then I saw what he had done.

He had ripped opened the belly

of our best Guernsey.

Jed?

Ate her heart.

It was unholy.

It was... it was like some... thing had stepped inside my boy's body and taken over his soul.

Nothing?

For a man whose profession relies on talk, talk, talk, you appear to be at a loss for words, Doctor.

I-I would need to see him in order to provide an accurate diagnosis.

We brought him here.

Let's go see the boy now.

Dr. Thredson, you are but a guest in our institution.

Don't wear out your welcome the first day.

Mother, where am I?

I'm scared.

Jed, this is a hospital.

Doctors are here to help you.

Jed?

Jed needs to be immediately medicated.

No, Doctor.

That's not what this boy needs.

This hurts my burns.

The harder you fight, the hotter it feels.

What are you doing under there?

Colonel Mustard in the library with the wrench.

I like the view from this window.

All the bare trees.

Bleak and beautiful.

Do you ever dream of escaping?

All you new people.

There is no way out.

What if I said I know a way?

You'd be full of sh*t.

There's a tunnel.

It's real.

I came in through it.

Wow.

They really messed with your mind.

What meds are you on?

I need someone to help me pull off an escape.

But nobody else can know.

We have to take Kit.

Absolutely not.

He's a vicious m*rder*r.

They can make you believe anything.

There have been plenty of K*llers here.

Kit's not one of them.

He can't come.

That's my line in the sand.

You have trouble trusting people, yes?

You would too if the person you loved most in the world betrayed you.

Threw you away forever.

I know what that's like.

I saw you flirting with

Our Lady of Perpetual Virginity.

You want to see my candy apple?

Get your filthy hands off me!

Come on, Doc.

Bend me over a bread rack and pound me into shape.

You're a dirty little slut with a poisonous tongue.

I just want to go outside for 15 minutes in the sun. Please.

I just want to feel the sun on my skin.

I'll do anything.

No.

Whores get nothing.

Men like sex, no one calls them whores.

I hate that word.

It's so ugly!

I'm into pleasure.

Ever since I was five years old and I slipped my fingers inside for the very first time.

I could do it all day.

My mother made me wear mittens to bed.

Because you're a little slut.

No. Because she didn't understand me.

So I ran away from home, met some jazz musicians, real free thinkers.

I fell in love with the bass player.

Mistake.

As soon as he put a ring on my finger, I was his property.

He could screw every Betty in town, and I had to stay home and scrub his dirty drawers.

So come fleet week, he gets home and finds me in bed with two Navy guys.

And I told him, "It's not for self, but for country."

He decked me flat out, threw me in the car and locked me in the nuthouse.

And the sickest part is, they let him.

Because I like sex.

That's my crime.

Am I supposed to be moved by that pathetic tale of woe?

Please.

I'm just asking for five minutes in the sun.

A little fresh air.

You make me sick.

Whore.

In my estimation, the county hospital might be better equipped to treat your son.

They already called in the specialist.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter, are you aware what kind of specialist is on his way here?

The monsignor explained the situation to us.

I've instructed

Sister Mary Eunice to observe lights out at 7:00.

Excuse me.

I will not tolerate tomfoolery from the residents tonight.

A wise precaution, Sister.

Monsignor.

Ah, this must be...

The tiresome Dr. Thredson.

Dr. Thredson.

Sister Jude was just sharing with me your concern.

It is 1964.

For God's sake, an exorcism?

You can't be serious.

The times may have changed, Doctor, but the nature of evil has not.

You expect me to stand by as some witch doctor comes in here...

Stand by?

On the contrary, Doctor.

What I expect is for you to assist.

I beg your pardon?

You may view us as...

backward and barbaric, but the Church requires a licensed physician to be present at all exorcisms.

As a psychiatrist, you're also a medical doctor.

You are mistaken if you think that by making me an accomplice to this

I won't report what I've seen here.

An unbeliever.

Good.

I like having one in the room.

Ups me game.

You're asking for it.

I have to write it down or I'll forget.

Then you better tell me now, Lana.

Before you forget, tell me where the tunnel is.

No.

We go together.

That's the only way.

And not a word to him.

That's my deal.

There you go.

What the hell are you doing?

Okay, everybody, let's go.

Sister Jude wants everyone to get an extra good night's sleep, so the common room is closing early.

Thank you. But give me back my notes.

What's the matter, don't you trust me?

Let's go!

No woman should trust you.

Come on, up and at 'em!

Move your feet!

They can't find these on you.

Let's go!

Please...

Please, no, stop, please!

Make it tight now.

You're hurting me.

Why are you hurting me?

Don't listen to it.

The demon is a liar.

If it speaks to you, do not answer, just do your job.

My God, this boy's pulse is almost nonexistent.

Prayer book, Sister!

Your work here is done, my daughter.

Go sit with the parents.

This is no place for a woman.

I'm stronger than you think.

The Potters will be needing some of that strength.

Godspeed...

Sister Jude.

Yes, Father.

All right, gentlemen, it's time to do God's work.

Stanley?

May I?

Oh...

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Are we having dinner?

You only booked me for an hour and a half.

Actually, I find the anticipation far more erotic than the act itself.

I find a big cock even more erotic.

If you're going to be vulgar, I'd just as soon you not speak at all.

I'm sorry.

I can be classy, if you want.

It's just that most men like to hear me talk dirty.

Of all the composers from the Romantic Era...

I love Chopin the most.

Oh.

Are you familiar with this waltz?

No...

"Les Adieux."

It was inspired by his childhood sweetheart who refused his hand in marriage.

Can you hear the longing?

Oh... yes.

To us.

To... an evening of romance.

To us.

This is a Chateau St. Estephe, one of the finest bottles of cabernet sauvignon you will ever taste in your entire life.

Yes, well, you'll have to forgive me, Stan.

I have to keep my wits about me.

I don't drink alcohol on dates, and I don't kiss - not on the mouth.

Hey...

...what do you say I dance for you?

Come on, Stan...

I can really shake it if you've got something with a b*at.

You... will sit down.

In your line of work, it must have been frightening meeting strange men...

what with a k*ller on the loose, skinning and decapitating women.

A great weight must have been lifted now that he's been captured and you're perfectly safe.

...we exorcise you...

...every Satanic power, every legion...

every congregation...

Heart rate increasing, blood pressure rising...

Oliver...

look at you.

I see what you've become.

I'm glad I gave you up.

Don't listen to it, Doctor.

Lose your place, old man?

We honor You in Jesus Christ...

Stick it up your ass, Father!

Ominus immundus spiritus.

Every impure spirit, yes.

We already heard that bit.

Now skip ahead.

You're boring the hell out of me.

Ominus spiritus...

And the Lord said to the cr*pple, take up thy bed and fly!

Our boy...

How's our boy?

He's fighting.

Very hard.

Sister Jude, will you join me?

We've taken Father Malechi to the infirmary.

I may have to say last rites.

Watch over him.

I'll be back.

And pray, Sister.

Speak only to God.

I can't see!

It burns! I can't see!

Mommy, please!

Somebody!

Somebody help me!

Please! I can't see!

Please! Someone help me.

Somebody help...

It drives you crazy, doesn't it?

To be the smartest person in the room, with no willpower because of that smelly clam between your legs.

Oh, that's why you became a whore, isn't it, Sister?

You're wearing red knickers right now.

Come on, Sister, put me in your mouth.

You've had 53 cocks in there already.

You were the town pump, weren't you, Sister?

♪ A little bit later on ♪
♪ A little bit later on ♪
♪ Just wait and you'll see how lonely you'll be ♪
♪ A little bit later on... ♪

Come on, boys.

Who wants to dance with me?

Hello, soldier.

Take me home.

I can't.

The baby's sleeping.

In the name of Jesus Christ,

strengthen me, the intercessor...

Tell me about the little girl in blue, Judy.

The young girl, the innocent.

And you so drunk you couldn't find your way home.

♪ Give me Eastern trimmin'

where women are women ♪
♪ In high silk hose and peek-a-boo clothes ♪
♪ I'm all yours in buttons and bows... ♪

Oh, my God.

♪ Buttons and bows ♪
♪ Frills and flowers and buttons and bows ♪
♪ And rings and things and buttons and bows... ♪

You never even bothered to get out of the car.

You are a m*rder*r, Judy.

You're a m*rder*r!

m*rder*r! m*rder*r!

Shut up!

You shut up!

Shut up! Liar!

Hit me harder, you old whore.

Don't listen to it!

That's right, Father, protect your whore.

It's you she thinks of when she touches herself at night.

You're a liar!

Oh, yes.

Protect your whore.

Cover yourself!

I was weak...

I'll purge the demon myself.

Go, be with the parents.

Go.

Little piggies...

O Lord Jesus Christ...

There's no more time for prayers, Monsignor.

His heart can't handle it!

Help him! Help him now!

I'm going to sedate him!

What's happening?

I don't know.

It's a power failure.

This is our chance.

Sister Jude!

Sister Jude, there's trouble in the wards.

Something's gone wrong.

He's in cardiac arrest.

I think it's just through that door.

Grace.

Come on. Lana knows a way out.

No. He can't come with us.

Get away from us.

I read what you wrote about me.

I'm not a k*ller or a psychopath.

You're a liar.

Get away from us.

Stop. I'm not leaving without him.

I'm not setting him loose so he can k*ll again.

You're wrong. We'll go find the way out ourselves.

Come on.

Help!

He's escaping!

The k*ller is escaping!

Help me!

In the hallway!

He's trying to get out!

No! Stop it!

Four, five, six, seven.

He's dead.

Sister?

Almost ready.

Is that trashy makeup gone?

Clean as a virgin.

What is taking you so long?

Holy sh*t.

I'm just...

Oh!

I told you not to touch anything.

You don't have to pay me; I just have to get the money...

You're not going anywhere, Sister.

Now, pick those up and go lie on the bed.

I told you to lie on the bed.

Did you take off your panties like I asked you?

Now...

...slowly...

...show me your mossy bank.

Slowly.

Shh, shh.

No!

Oh.

I'm so sorry, Sister.

I didn't mean to frighten you.

I was only trying to protect your modesty.

Oh, you could never frighten me, Doctor.

You make me feel safe.

I heard about your fainting spell.

I wish I could have been there.

I did ask for you, but I know how busy you are.

Saving lives.

Yes.

Well, I'm here now with strict instructions.

Rest and relaxation.

But what about the creatures?

Forgive me.

It's a bit disconcerting to see you out of costume.

Oh.

I'm sorry, Doctor.

I would hate to distract you from the important work of the day.

Don't be silly.

To me, the human body is nothing more than a complex machine.

Like a clock, full of... cogs and sprockets.

Now, uh, you try to get some rest.

I'll check back with the nurse in a few hours.

Are you going to cane me?

If so, can we get on with it?

Now, why would I cane you?

I've learned to assume the worst.

It was a long night for all of us.

A lesson in the power of Satan.

One can never let one's guard down.

Until last night, I considered you a corrupt little opportunist, but God always surprises me.

I know what it took for you to call the orderlies.

It couldn't have been easy, but you did it anyway, and for that, you deserve something special.

Open the door.

Go ahead.

Open the door and see your treat.

Bring them in.

These two didn't show your courage and wisdom and as such will be punished.

Your reward is you will not.

You're so twisted.

Don't make me change my mind, Miss Lana Banana.

Which of these would you like to see on our Grace's bare behind, and which one on our doe-eyed

James Dean copycat?

Go ahead, pick one.

Oh, come on, Miss Winters, live large.

I'm so sorry, Grace.

Screw you, Judas bitch.

Stand up, Grace.

Stand up.

I'm the guilty one here, Sister; she was a pawn.

She's not the one who deserves to be punished. I am.

She was just trying to help a friend.

He seems to think you're just one big scoop of melting strawberry ice cream.

Go stand over there.

So that was

20 lashes each.

So that makes 40 for you, Sir Galahad.