06x10 - Arthur Loses His Marbles/Friday the 13th

[bunniefuu]

# Every day you walk down the street Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

- # And I say, hey!
- Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the b*at

# Listen to the rhythm of the street

# Get together and make things better By working together

# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

- # And I say, hey!
- Hey!
- What a wonderful kind of day

# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other

# What a wonderful kind of day - hey! What a wonderful kind of day - HEY! #

- Hey, DW!
- Hey...

There we go, dear! Good as new.

- Thanks, Grandma.
- Grandma Thora is good at so many things.

She was the only one who made me feel better when I'd chickenpox.

I warned your father! I said, "You better get the car started -

"this baby is on its way!"

She's really great at bingo.

Twenty-nine.

Bingo! Yes, sir! My mojo is working tonight!

Bring on that barrel of pickles!

She can stop DW's temper tantrums using simple household items.

He ALWAYS gets more pudding!

Och, Stinky McTavish knows just how ye feel!

- You do?
- Aye! Life is so unfair.

But there's one thing I wish she wasn't so good at.

Ready to knuckle down, sonny?

- These Dopemon cards.
- Wow! You got Stinkachu!

The Polly Locket SQV convertible.

And my favourite - Teeny Biggy! He sings in Italian.

# Notte e giorno d'intorno girando

# Delle belle turbando il riposo... #

presents in all. That's a . % increase from last year.

- A great birthday!
- What are these?

Marbles. They don't even take batteries. It's a caveman toy!

I like the way they feel.

You can have them. They probably only cost !

They look like little planets.

'Please, rabbit, don't crush us!

'Please, no!'

Actually, I think I'll keep them.

They might be worth something on the net.

The point of the game

is to knock the marbles out of the ring with your sh**t.

- The player who knocks out the most wins.
- Sounds easy enough.

Oops!

- One more game. I'll loan you some!
- I've had enough marbles for one day!

OK. I've got enough here for a solar system. Great game, Arthur!

Mmm...

You two are so sweet to be my guinea pigs.

I think you'll like this!

I call it tunaroni. BARKING

- Arthur, did you hear the doorbell?
- Why, yes, I did!

Really? I didn't hear anything.

SCRAPING OF PLATES No. No-one there.

My, you two were hungry!

Well, I bet you have room for a little more! What's that, Arthur?

This? It's my last marble.

He lost the rest to Buster! Even I could b*at Buster!

Looks like your taw - that's another name for the sh**t.

Mine was black with red stripes.

- I wonder if I still have those marbles.
- Can we look for them now?

There they are! These sure bring back memories!

I won this one from Herman Truman.

Legend has it that one belonged to the great Lefty Rapozo!

This was my sh**t! Cannonball.

- She almost got me to the championship in New jersey!
- You were that good?

I was really just an amateur!

You can have them. I'll come and watch you play sometime.

Thanks!

Woo-hoo! Way to go, Francine! Another aggie for the ladies!

This is your last sh*t! If you miss this, you lose everything!

Don't mess it up. Oh, yeah, and remain calm.

Excuse me...

I don't like to interfere, but could I take a sh*t for Arthur?

It's been years since I've played.

Let me check with my sponsor!

WHISPERING

Sure! It'll be more interesting.

Aw!

Marbles!

We used to call this sh*t the atom smasher!

We did it! We won! Hey, we're rich in marbles!

Oh, no, Arthur, that would be playing for keepsies.

Serious players only play for fair.

Here you go, Francine.

Great hook sh*t, but you lack control. Try playing with your left.

- Thanks, Mrs Read!
- Grandma, teach me everything you know!

I thought you'd never ask!

Hi, Grandma, I'm here for my...

Ow!

Talent you have, but no patience,

no humility. Much you have to learn...

Much... So we'd better get cracking. Arthur?

Huh? Oh, yeah. Shall I set up the ring in the living room?

No, it's much too early for that!

First come finger drills!

Sure, Milly, I'll do that real soon. Just a sec.

- What's this exercise for?
- Mmm? Oh... Extending your reach.

And that floor hasn't been waxed in years!

Nice English on that taw! You've really got good these past few days!

- Am I ready for the championship?
- No, at least not the one in New Jersey,

- but I bet you could show your friends a thing or two.
- Yeah, I could!

Sign up for the marbles tournament? No qualifications necessary.

- Sure. What's the prize?
- Buster's taking care of that.

Round candy, lots of it, and it should be in a bowl

about the size of a large pizza.

Only one marble left in the ring.

Arthur's got to hook it just right.

And he does it!

He's off to a great start here!

Down by , Arthur needs a miracle to turn this game around.

And he makes the sh*t!

He's looking at the angles. Should he use his forefinger or thumb?

- Forefinger...?
- Buster! Cut that out and just play!

OK. Muffy, could you grab this?

And he does it! Incredible!

Wait a minute! There goes my sh*t at the prize!

No malted balls,

no chocolate-covered cherries...

Oh, the humanity!

- Brain, keeping that sundae cool for me? A few more players...
- Arthur...

- Look at the sheet.
- Why? Did Francine try to sign up twice?

- I taught you everything you know, but not everything
- I
- know!

Keep the change!

- Woof!
- Sorry.

My fingers just aren't doing what I want them to!

It's a sign I should quit for tonight. Sleep - that's all I need.

A good night's sleep.

Without his Grandma's help, he couldn't win a single game!

Francine? Where are you?

Heave-ho!

- Whoa! Those are some big ants!
- RUMBLING

Oh, no! It's coming!

Abandon mission!

There's only room for one marbles champion in this family!

Aargh!

Don't be nervous, Arthur. Your palms will sweat, you won't sh**t right...

- so just calm down!
- I am calm, Buster! I've decided to lose!

You can't do that! Have you seen the prize? Seven types of candy!

- Seven!
- But if I win, Grandma will be really embarrassed!

Even though I want to win and probably would, I can't hurt her.

You'd do that for your grandma?

- I wish I had a grandson like you!
- But don't tell anyone, OK?

Guess what I just heard!

Whoops!

Drat! Missed again!

Boy, am I butterfingers!

I don't care how good a grandson he is. This is boring!

Arthur, are you losing on purpose?

Of course not! Why on earth would I do that?

This looks like a good spot to finish this game!

Oh, dear me! I'm disqualified!

- What?
- When I used to play, if a player put her foot in the ring,

she forfeited the game. It's a technicality, but you've won, Arthur!

Congratulations!

How's that sundae, Arthur?

You lost on purpose, didn't you?

Just like you missed those easy sh*ts on purpose. Why did you do that?

I didn't want to really lose! I could never b*at you!

How do you know? You didn't even try!

Don't you think it's better to lose a good game than win a bad one?

Yeah, but you know what gets me? I had you a couple of times!

- I beg your pardon?!
- In the middle of the game,

- you left four marbles on the edge of the ring...
- Part of my plan!

- What scary movie are we watching?
- I Know What You Did Last Wednesday!

- I went to school, then the library. So?
- No, that's the name of the movie!

It's a sequel to I Know What You Did Last Tuesday.

Don't open it!

I know what's going to happen! She'll open it, a coat will fall on her,

- she'll laugh, turn around, then see the ghost.
- You've seen this movie?

No, but horror movies are very predictable. Watch.

Eek!

See?

- This is boring now.
- I'll say!

Watching a scary movie in a haunted house isn't that great!

- I'm taking my TV home!
- What happened? I'm too scared!

Calm down, everyone. I brought a flashlight.

Wow! Looks like no-one's been in here for years!

Oh, well, must be a fuse box somewhere.

This is starting to look familiar!

But there's no such thing as ghosts. CREAK! Who's there?

Come on, Alan, there's no such thing as ghosts, no such thing...

no such thing...

Bottom of the th, out. You have to save us from total humiliation!

Use this new bat.

You've got to spit on the bat!

Why? It's unhygienic!

- Strike !
- Just do it!

- It's lucky.
- Spitting isn't lucky. It's just a way to spread germs.

Strike !

- Please! We really need this!
- Do it!

out! Mighty Mountain wins - !

The lamppost was in the way. It was nothing to do with not spitting!

It's a tradition! Like smashing a champagne bottle against a new ship.

- All the pros do it.
- I should've worn my lucky hat!

I should've worn my lucky socks.

Luck had nothing to do with losing! They were just better than us!

Yeah...and luckier.

People have always held superstitious beliefs.

No-one has ever proved one of these superstitions to be true.

OK! Can I have another ice cream?

MIAOW!

Don't move! We have to go the other way! A black cat crossed our path!

You didn't listen to a word I said!

I listened - you said no-one's ever proved a superstition to be true.

That doesn't mean they aren't! Look!

Even Mr Ratburn won't walk under that ladder! He knows it's bad luck.

It was easier to walk around it!

Maybe, but it was luckier. I can prove it - nothing fell on him!

That's just reverse logic!

Call it what you want, but it's still the truth! Whoa!

Almost stepped on a cr*ck. That can break your mother's back!

It'll be dark before you get home!

This has got to stop!

Thank you for all agreeing to come to my experiment.

- Are you going to blow something up? - Sorry. Nothing so dramatic.

I'd like to draw your attention to exhibit A.

The open ladder. THEY ALL GASP

Exhibit B - the cr*ck!

THEY ALL GASP

And, finally, exhibit C.

The mirror.

- SMASH!
- Now you've done it! That's seven years' bad luck!

It is my hypothesis that there is no such thing as bad luck.

I will chart the bad things that happen to me.

If there is no increase, superstitions are false.

- Aren't you a little bit scared?
- Why should I be? Science is on my side!

I'm getting outta here!

I knew it was going to rain!

I even brought my umbrella.

Dropped a Kn*fe! Male visitor.

Mom! You don't believe that?! DOORBELL

I bet you don't know what divided by is!

- Sure I do. It's . - Thanks.

How about the square root of ?

Come on in!

I'll help you, but you'll never learn anything if you always...

Where's my backpack gone?

I must've left it at school! At least we can do our math!

I've got questions and you've got answers!

It's not bad luck. That roof always leaks when it rains hard.

The storm'll let up soon.

THUNDER CRASHES

Alan, wake up, it's . .

I'm late!

You forgot your lunch and homework!

If I was really having bad luck, I'd have left those at home.

No!

Not my homework! Take the lunch!

This can't be happening!

You joined us(?) Your homework here.

I don't have it. A dog ate it.

GASPS

Cheer up. Only years and days of bad luck to go!

Mmm! This is statistically significant data!

With Friday the th just two days away, my luck could get even worse!

I could have the worst luck ever!

BARKING

Science, why have you forsaken me?

I thought I'd come to you. You have non-scientific stuff down to a...

science! And what with tomorrow being Friday the th...

Say no more! You came to the right place! We'll undo your bad luck!

Salt. When something bad happens, toss it over your left shoulder.

Take the whole box.

Next, horseshoes.

Mmm... I think a couple of Clydesdales should do the trick!

Some four-leaf clovers...

And last, but not least, my lucky hat.

- What's so lucky about it?
- Once, when I was wearing this hat,

- everyone gave me a present.
- That was your birthday, Buster.

That may have had something to do with it, but it's still lucky.

You're all set.

Phew!

Mom, what's wrong?

I pulled my back out at the gym. Nice hat, dear!

The charms aren't working!

That's it! I'm not leaving the house tomorrow!

Strike ! out!

- We're getting creamed! Where is he?
- Must be sick - he wasn't at school.

- He better be sick. Muffy, do you have a phone?
- Pink or yellow?

PHONE RINGS

Hello? Hi, Francine.

What's the score? Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

ANGRY SHOUTING No, I'm not sick, but I thought I should stay home,

because it's Friday the th... ANGRY SHOUTING

I'm sorry, but I just can't risk it! ANGRY SHOUTING

Ow! Oh, I can't even read a book!

Run! Bring me home!

- Strike !
- Maybe we should just give up!

Look!

- But you didn't want to risk it!
- Wherever I am, I'll have bad luck,

so I might as well play.

CHEERING

Lakewood wins - !

CHEERING

There are going to be about Friday the ths in my lifetime.

I couldn't spend all of them hiding!

To break seven years' bad luck, I just have to get a grand slam!

Can I have my charms back? You won't need them for a while.

Sure.

- What did you do to my lucky hat?
- These are my mom's gym clothes!

I took the wrong bag. Know what that means? I've proved my hypothesis!

- Superstitions really are false!
- No, you haven't!

All you proved is these are lucky gym clothes!

- Lucky socks!
- A lucky sweatband!

Well, if you can't b*at them, join them!

# And I say, hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You gotta listen to your heart

# Listen to the b*at Listen to the rhythm of the street

# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other

# What a wonderful kind of day HEY! #