05x18 - His Girls Friday/A Wife for Wilfred/The Girl Who Stood Still

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

- ♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course
for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on
a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard ♪

♪ it's love ♪♪

- Hi, I'm Joe baylor.
- Hi, Joe.

- Archie Phillips.
- Hi, Archie.

(Overlapping greetings)

- Welcome board,
I'm Adam bricker,
the ship's doctor.

- And I'm Isaac Washington,
your chief barman.

- If you're in pain, see me,

if you wanna feel no pain,
see him.

- Nyac.
Are you all members

of that famous New York
athletic club?

- No, it stands for
New York alimony club.

- We've all been divorced and
we're all paying heavy alimony.

- Ah, well, meet your
California representative.

He's paying alimony to four.

- Our condolences.
- Accepted.

Now, what's with the club?

- Well, we all met
about a year ago

and decided to band together
for self-protection.

- Yeah, if any one of us
feels like he's getting serious

about a girl, he sends out
a distress signal

and the others come
to save him from himself.

- Well, what's the signal?

- "The chicken
has caught the fox."

- Very appropriate.

- Let's see
where you're located.

Cabins, let's see, baylor...
- Oh, that's okay.

We're all sharing
the same cabin.

- I told you, we're all
paying heavy alimony.

- Yeah, one cabin's
all we can afford.

- I understand
your problems completely.

- Whoa...

- Every man for himself.

- Those boys have absolutely
no resistance.

- Hi.
I'm Kate ladell.

- Hi, welcome aboard.
- Thank you.

Beautiful ship you have here.

- Oh, thank you.

I had it built
to my specifications.

- (Laughs)

- Now, miss ladell, uh...
Okay, promenade .

Enjoy your cruise.

- Oh, I will.
I've earned it.

The company gave it
to me as a bonus

for the most real estate
sales this year.

- Terrific!
Maybe I should get the line

to do something like
that for us, hm?

- Good idea!

If you win,
you get to spend a week

in my office.

- If I win,
I hope you're in it.

- Now, that's for me.

- Your resistance
is as good as your friends.

- At least I didn't go after
the first woman I saw.

She's the second.

- (Laughs)

- Mm.

- I wanted to make sure
you couldn't miss me.

- Oh, I have missed you.

It's been almost three months.

- Well, why do you have
to live in California?

- Why do you
have to live in New York?

Do you know what my phone bill
was last year?

- You know what
my airfares were?

- Well, I know a way you could
avoid all those expenses.

Leave your wife and marry me.

- Laura.
- Sorry.

How are the kids?

- Oh, they're getting bigger
every day and...

Making me feel older.

- I guess neither of us
is getting any younger.

- Look, Laura...

This trip, it's only romance.
Got it?

- (Gasps)

Got it.

- You okay, sir?

- Fine, gopher.
Smile.

Good afternoon, everyone.

- Hello, sir.
- How'd it go, merrill?

- It was difficult, Adam.

I've never delivered
a eulogy before.

Choked up a few times.

- I think
that's to be expected.

- Yes, I guess it is.

George was a childhood friend.

We gave him
a wonderful farewell.

Must have been enough
flowers there

to make the Rose parade
look skimpy.

- Oh, that's right,
he was a florist, wasn't he?

- Yes.
Roses were his favorites.

His wife gave me these
as a remembrance...

And this picture
of George and me.

(Julie)
- It's a nice touch.

- Yes, we took that
a few weeks ago.

It's funny... one minute,
he's his old chipper self.

A couple of dizzy spells...

Vicki, will you take these
up to my office for me, please?

- Sure, dad.

- You know, Adam,
this makes you realize

how short life really is.

- That's why life
should be lived to the fullest.

- Well, George certainly
did that.

- Well, we all should,

every second,
every hour of every day.

- Doctor, that's a sound
prescription

I intend to take daily...

Beginning today.

(Ship horn blowing)

(People cheering)

♪♪

- I don't know, Julie,
I'd watch out if I were you.

I think the captain's
after your job.

- (Chuckles)
That's the nicest bit
of finger nibbling

I've seen in quite a while.

(Woman laughs)

- (Sighs)
It seems we have a bumper crop

of lovely ladies this trip.

- Yes, sir,
and I couldn't help noticing

you were doing a little bit
of harvesting.

- Mr. Smith,
that's impertinent.

- Sorry, sir.
- But you might say that.

Julie, I want miss Tyler to be
seated at my table tonight.

- Miss Tyler.
- Yes, sir.

- And also, as my guests,
the other two ladies I just met,

miss Nelson and miss fenwood.

- Miss Nelson
and miss fenwood.

- I know!

- Well, as the poet says,
you only live once.

But if you work it right,
once is enough.

- Well, I knew he was starting
to live life to the fullest,

but I didn't know he was gonna
do it all in one trip.

- Did you have a nice swim?

- Yeah, it really feels good.

- Looks good too.

Oh, uh, Archie Phillips,
at your service.

- Hi, Kate ladell.

- Kate, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

- My fantasy is you're, uh...
You're either an actress

or a model, right?

- Oh, no,
nothing that glamorous.

I'm in real estate.

- You are?
- Mm-hmm.

- Well, listen, I've got
a great piece of property

I'd like you to see
down on the fiesta deck.

Cabin .

- No, thank you.

I like to know more about
an owner before I look.

- Oh, well, it's a--
a -year-old structure

with a solid foundation,
available immediately,

could use a woman's touch.

What do you think?

- In my business,
we call that a fixer-upper.

- Hey, look... why don't
we discuss repairs tonight

in my cabin over dinner?

- I don't think so.

- You're right, we just met.

How 'bout dinner
in your cabin?

- You don't give up, do you?

What's wrong
with the dining room?

- Well, to be honest with you,
you see,

I'm traveling
with these two buddies of mine,

and, well, I don't
wanna share you.

- All right.
On one condition though.

- Mm-hmm?
- Just dinner.

- Fine.
We'll discuss dessert later.

- You think I wouldn't
recognize that hat?

I bought it for you.

- Good memory.

- That was, uh...
Hawaii, about four years ago.

That's when we met.
- Better memory!

- Even if I didn't
recognize the hat,

I'd know those legs anywhere.

Um... you took off
kinda fast.

You trying to avoid me?

- Yep.
- Yep?

Look, if I can't find you,
I can't, uh... make love to you.

- True.

- I'm a terrific lover.

- I know.
I have a good memory too.

- You're not bad yourself.

- Thanks.

This has to be our last trip.

- Oh, Laura, listen--
- no, I mean it.

I really mean it this time.

You live a secret life,
and I'm the secret.

- Then why did
you come on the trip?

You could have ended this
on the phone.

- Because... I couldn't stand
the thought of not seeing you

one last time.

I'm sorry.

I guess that was a mistake.

♪♪

- That girls knows more about
football than Howard cossell.

- Oh, that's just
what I'd want,

a date who sounds
like Howard cossell.

- She's terrific.
- Must be.

You spent all day with her.

- A perfect day to be topped off
by a perfect evening.

- You know, I didn't think
this was possible,

but you guys keep house
just like my ex-wife did.

Anybody see my shirt?

- Yeah, I think it's that
over there.

Anybody see my cufflinks?

- In this mess?
You gotta be kidding me.

- Hey, arch, you're not getting
serious about this girl, are ya?

- Hey, no way, pal.
Just fun and games.

Fun and games!

- Ron, this shirt
is all wrinkled,

it must be yours.

Should have entered this room
as an event

in the next Olympics.

- Well, I'm all ready for
an intimate candlelight dinner

with that gorgeous creature.

- Hey, don't forget,
if you feel yourself weakening,

we'll be in the dining room.

And remember,
the distress call is...

(Together)
- "The chicken
has caught the fox."

- Don't worry, if she rushes me
too hard, I'll punt.

Ciao.

- See ya later.

- I just figured out
where my shirt is.

- Huh?
- You're wearing it!

- George, old buddy,
I'm planning to have

a real blast tonight
in your honor.

I just hope wherever you are,
you'll be watching me,

because I'm doing this
for both of us.

(Knocking)

Come in.

- Hi, dad.

I just talked to Julie
and she said she'd made

all the seating arrangements
for dinner that you wanted.

- Good, thank you, darling.
- Mm-hmm.

- Well...
- (Chuckles)

You sure look handsome.
- Thanks.

Vicki, tonight I'm gonna
knock 'em dead.

- Oh!
- If you excuse
the expression, George.

- Well, do you think
you could handle

one more lady
at your table tonight?

- You're the one lady
I can't do without.

- Thank you.

(Jim)
- Laura?

- Jim, please.

Don't try to make me
change my mind.

- I love you.

- Unfair, as usual.

- Everything's fair in love.

Laura...

I do understand
how you feel.

Believe me.

- You have someone
to sleep with every night.

All I have is a stuffed elephant
you gave me.

You gave your wife
two children.

You gave me
a stuffed elephant.

- I love you.

- Here's to what never was.

- Don't drink to that.

- Jimmy, if you love me,
wish me well.

Let me live a normal life
with your blessings.

- I do wish you well, Laura.

But come on, an awful lot
of love has passed between us.

If this is to be
our last trip together,

then let's--
let's end it right.

Let's make it the best.

Let it be something
we can always remember

with... romance and tenderness.

I do love you so much.

- Hi, guys.
Hey, goph, these are the fellas

I told you about from
the New York alimony club.

- Oh! I thought
there were three of you.

- Yeah, well, Archie met a girl
and went to her cabin

for a candlelight dinner.

Mm-hmm.
- Ooh, it sounds like
he's getting pretty serious.

- Ah, not Archie, he knows
all about

those romantic
candlelight dinners.

He's been b*rned before.

- Excuse me,
Mr. Carter, Mr. Baylor?

- Yes?
- There's a telephone call
for either one of you.

- Thank you.
- Oh, thank you.

- Mm-hmm.
- Excuse us.

(Joe)
- Hello?

- (Whispering)
The chicken has caught the fox.

- What?

- Oh, I'm just telling
my friends

what a great time I'm having.

- Good, 'cause the wine
will be ready in a minute.

- Oh, uh, don't rush.
There's plenty of time.

(Whispering)
There's no time to lose,
she's chilling the wine.

- Oh, it sounds like
you're doing great.

- Too great, I could
fall in love with this girl.

She happens to have
season tickets to the rams.

Promenade .

Repeat, the chicken
has caught the fox.

- Fight it, arch.

(Radio playing
classical music)

- Hurry, the overture
just started.

- Look, I'll be right there.

Well, it's super bachelor
to the rescue.

- Right, I'll order dinner
for the three of us.

Oh, bring him back alive.
- And single.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
now, please sit back,

close your menus and relax,

because I have taken the Liberty
of ordering for you

a dinner that will be
a gourmet's garden

of gastronomic delights.

(All)
- Oh!

- What's that?

- Oh, he just means
an extravaganza

of epicurean edibles.

- We will begin
with foie Gras,

coquilles St.-Jacques
and turbot quenelles.

- Oh, that's pretty
heavy stuff, merrill.

- Oh, those are just
the appetizers.

The main course consists
of steak au poivre

with sauce béarnaise,

asparagus with sauce
hollandaise...

- Followed by bicarbonate
of soda for heartburn-aise.

(Laughter)

- That does sound
like a heavy meal.

- Uh, wait till you hear
about the desserts.
- Oh.

- A meal like that'll keep
you up all night, dad.

- I think he's gonna be up
all night anyway.
- Mm-hmm.

- Sounds fabulous, captain,
but it's so fattening.

- You only live once.
- Ohh.

- Besides, I plan
to dance it off

right after dinner.

(Women chuckling)

(Classical music playing)

- To us.
- To us.

- Are you feeling
all right, Archie?

Something bothering you?

- What could be bothering me?
Everything's perfect.

I'm perfect, you're perfect.

(Knocking)

Who could that be?
- Yes?

- It's Joe,
a friend of Archie's.

- Joe?
I wonder what he wants.

- Hi, I'm Joe baylor,
and I hate to interrupt

your candlelight dinner,
but our best buddy

has a bad back,
and Archie's the only one

who can straighten it out.

- This couldn't have happened
at a worse time.

I'll-- I'll be back
as soon as I can.

I-- I really hate to leave.

- Um... Archie should be back
in around minutes,

and as a friend of his,
it would be rude

to leave you here
all by yourself.

So, why don't I just stay
and keep you company

till he gets back?

(Upbeat music playing)

♪♪

(Music ends, applause)

- Next.
- I thought you'd never ask.

- (Laughs)

(Slow music playing)

♪♪

- Everything's always so right
when we're together, isn't it?

Why don't we just...
Keep seeing each other?

- Listen... they're playing
our theme song.

"Secret love".

(Music continues)

- Captain,
you're a wonderful dancer.

- Thank you, miss Nelson.

As John Paul Jones once said,
"I have just begun to dance."

- (Laughs)
Just begun?

I'm practically worn out.
This is our fifth dance.

- And there's a lot more
where that came from.

- (Laughs)

- Look at our captain go.

- Yeah, those sauces
he had for dinner

must have been high octane.

- Well, when you lose a friend
the way he did,

you try to reaffirm to yourself
you're still among the living.

- We'll, he's certainly
gonna live it up tonight.

- Or die trying.

(Phone ringing)

- Acapulco lounge?
Just a minute.

It's your friend, Joe.
- Oh, thanks, Isaac.

Hey, Joe, what's going on?

- The chicken
has caught the fox.

The same chicken.

- That must be some chicken.
Two foxes in one night.

- What's happening?
- You won't believe this.

She's sewing a button
on my jacket.

My ex-wife didn't know
which end of the needle to use.

And that's not all.

She took a stain
off the lapel

my cleaner hasn't been able
to get out in about a year.

- Sounds very domestic.
That could be trouble, Joe.

- We like the same music,
the same books.

- Hey, pal, you're not
falling for her, are you?

- Not falling, fell!

- Your jacket's ready.

- (Sighs)
That's right,

I'd like to have another bottle
of champagne, please.

Room service here
is impossible.

That's right,
promenade immediately.

- All right, just hang on,
buddy, help is on the way.

I don't believe this.

(Upbeat music playing)

(Music ends, applause)

- (Sighs)
- Well, ladies,
whose turn is it next

to trip the light fantastic?
- It's my turn again.

- Wait a minute,
you just did a cha-cha with him.

- Why don't we dance again
while they argue?

- Now, ladies, ladies,
this is all very flattering,

but I think I have
the solution.

I once learned a dance from
an old friend, George Bailey,

I think we can all
do together.

The conga!

(Laughter)
Everybody, conga!

♪♪

- I always thought the conga was
the dumbest-looking dance ever.

- I'm with you.
- I agree.

It makes everybody
look ridiculous.

- Mmm.

♪♪

- I was doing wonderfully well,

and then I sold
my sixth condominium,

and that's what really
put me...

- Hm?

- Is there something wrong
with me?

- Huh?

- First, Archie was nervous,
and now you.

- Nervous? No.
I couldn't be more
relaxed with a girl.

I really like being with you.

(Knocking)
- Who is it?

(Ron)
- I'm a friend of Joe's.

There's a call for him
in the radio room.

- Ah, darn.
I'll see you in the morning.

Thank you.

- You!

- You.

- So, this is how
you spend my alimony.

- Look at this night, will you?

- Jim?
- Hm?

- There's something
I've been wanting to tell you

since we got on the ship.

Someone has asked me
to marry him.

- What did you tell him?

- I told him
I'd think about it.

- Do you love him?

- Not like I've loved you.

I don't even know
what love is anymore.

But I do know
what love isn't,

and it isn't spending
most of your time alone.

Eating along, sleeping alone.

And it certainly isn't
spending the holidays

with some distant cousins
because the man you love

is at home
with his wife and kids.

- Laura--
- Jim?

I think you'd better find
someplace else to sleep tonight.

I've decided to say yes.

♪♪

- (Singing melody)

(Laughing)

Ahh, you'd be proud
of me tonight, George.

I did a conga line
around the whole ship,

just like you taught me.

(Laughing, singing)

- What happened?

- Uh, nothing, darling.
Nothing.

- Well, are you all right?

- Oh, yes, of course
I'm all right.

Just too much celebrating,
I guess.

You go back to sleep.

- Well, you're sure
you're okay?

- Vicki, look, I appreciate
your looking after me,

but, uh... don't worry.

Goodnight, darling.

- Hey, how's it going
with the alimony club?

- Okay now, Isaac,
but, uh...

Joe and Archie almost gave up
their membership last night.

- Both of 'em?
- And with the same girl.

- Whew, she must
be some girl.

How did you manage
to avoid her clutches?

- You promise not to laugh?

I've already been
in her clutches.

She turned out
to be my ex-wife.

- (Laughs)

I didn't promise.

I bet Archie and Joe
had a real good laugh

when they found out
it was your ex-wife, huh?

- Yeah, well, I didn't tell 'em,
and don't you tell 'em either.

I'm too embarrassed.
You know, she's using my alimony

for the nicest cabin
on the ship.

- I hate to say this,
but I think you blew it.

- I blew it?
What do you mean?

I saved them from getting
serious about her.

- Exactly.

Now, just think,
what would happen if one of them

got serious enough to marry her,
and she said yes?

- They get married.
- Right.

And if she gets married again,
what happens to your alimony?

- I blew it.
- You blew it.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Are you all right?

- Oh, yeah,
I am all right.

I just didn't sleep,
that's all.

Oh, Dr. Bricker was kind enough

to let me use
his couch, incidentally.

His very short couch.

- I'm sorry.

- Besides, Laura,
I couldn't sleep

because I kept thinking
about us.

- That's funny.
I thought about us too.

Put me right to sleep.

- Look, Laura.

As I said, I stayed awake
thinking about it,

and... I want you to marry me.

- As soon as your children
finish college and get married,

and their children
finish college.

- No.
Right now.

I'm going to ask my wife
for a divorce

as soon as I get home.

- You really mean it,
don't you?

- Yes, I do.

- No, Jim.
- Why not?

- Because I've obviously
forced you into saying that.

And besides,
I phoned Martin last night,

and he's meeting me
in acapulco.

I told him I wasn't having
a very good time.

- So that's his name, huh?
Martin.

- Yes, his name is Martin.

- That's a stupid name.

(Merrill)
- You know George,
I think I made

a little too much
whoopee last night.

I really gave myself a scare.

So today,
instead of going like ,

I'm gonna take it down to .

(Chuckles)
That's the legal limit, anyway.

(Exhales sharply)

What's happening to me?

- Wait a minute, are you trying
to tell me the captain

was still going strong
at : in the morning?

- He danced with half
the ladies on the ship

and the other half
asked for rain checks.

- Huh, no wonder he's getting
a late start this morning.

- Yeah.
- But when he's in
a great mood like this,

it makes for a happier ship.
- And I'm for that.

(Knocking)

- Come in.

- Oh, captain,
I wanted to tell you,

I arranged to have
those same three ladies

seated at your table tonight.

- Miss McCoy, I'll decide
who sits at the captain's table,

if that's all right with you.

Is that all?

- Yes, sir.
- Have a nice day.

(Door closes)

What happened
to good-time Charlie?

- You guys, I've been thinking,
and the New York alimony club

is really kinda silly.
- What do you mean, silly?

- Well, if one of us
is interested in a girl,

he should feel free
to go after her,

not have to call for help.

Now, we're all mature men.
We should be able to make

our own decisions about women,
don't you think?

- You're absolutely right,

and I've made
my decision about Kate.

- Terrific.
- So have I.

- That's what I like to hear.
- I'm not getting involved.

- And neither am I.

- W-Wait, you're not?
- Who needs her?

She's the kind of girl
you end up marrying.

- Well, now, wait a minute,
Joe, wait a minute.

Now, maybe marriage
isn't so bad.

You know, we're so hung up
on this alimony thing

and always being broke,
i-- I think we're forgetting

how nice it was to have someone
to come home to,

someone to cuddle up with
on a cold night,

someone to make sure
our socks matched.

- Joe, I think
Ron's been at sea too long.

Where are you going?

- I'm going to go
get my socks matched up.

- Hey!
I saw Kate first.

- (Sighs)

- Hey, merrill?
- Hm?

- Can I talk to you
for a minute?

- Depends.

Is it a social call
or ship's business?

- Oh, a little of both,
you might say.

Some of our crew members
are a little...

Puzzled by your behavior--

I should say your change
in behavior since last night.

- Oh, you must be referring
to Julie.

I, uh, was a little
curt with her.

It's only because I'm tired.
I was out late last night.

I look all right to you?
- Yeah, you look fine.

- Good.
Excuse me.

- But sometimes looks
can be deceiving.

On the other hand, you have
good reason to be testy.

You've lost someone
very close to you,

and it's perfectly normal

to have a delayed
emotional reaction.

- Adam, if you don't mind,
I'm very busy.

Please spare me the first-year
medical school psychology.

- Whatever you say,
merrill.

But for what it's worth...

You've got your daughter
a little concerned too.

- Hi, Ron.
- Hi.

Seems like that old cliché
is true.

It's a small world.

- Yeah.

Well, there's one thing
I want you to know.

I have to get it off my chest
'cause it's really bothering me.

You said I was spending
the alimony on this trip.

- Hey, it's your money.
Court said you were
entitled to it

for all those years
you had to put up with me.

- For your information,
I won this cruise.

I'm in real estate now,
doing very well.

Most sales of the year
in our office, in fact.

- I'm impressed, Kate,
I really am.

- Thank you.

- You've also impressed
my two buddies, a lot.

And by the way,
I haven't told 'em who you are.

- Oh, but you can.
There's nothing to hide.

- You look great.

- Well, you don't look
so bad yourself.

- You happy?

- Most of the time.

I'm happy with myself,
i'm... not happy by myself.

- Yeah, well, the doctor says

there's a lot of that
going around.

- Well, let's hope
we both find the cure for it.

- I'll hope to that.

- Yeah. Bye.

- Goodbye, Kate.

Kate?

Yeah, I was wondering if, uh...
Maybe you'd be interested

in maybe doing
a little sightseeing

when we dock in acapulco.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I promised
Joe and Archie I'd go with them.

- Yeah, of course.

- But I'm glad I found you.

I did want you to know
about the alimony.

- Yeah.
Have a good time.

(Gopher)
- Bienvenidos,
ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to exciting
acapulco,

the treasure
of the Mexican riviera.

Enjoy fishing, scuba diving,

or thrill to la quebrada
cliff divers

as they perform
their perilous plunge

into acapulco bay.

♪♪

- Martin!
- Laura!

- (Sighs)
How was your flight?

- Terrible.
- Aw.

- But seeing you
makes up for it.

- Aww.

- Laura.
- Jim!

- Yeah.
- Um...

Jim, Martin.
Martin, Jim.

- Nice to meet you.

- Pleasure's all mine.

(Laura gasps)

Nobody's gonna marry
the woman I love.

(Laura gasping)

- Stop it!
Jim, stop it!

Leave him alone!

- Say, where are your buddies?

Haven't seen
much of them lately.

I mean, not with you, anyway.

- Yeah, well, they've been
pretty busy.

- Well, I can't says
I blame 'em.

You know, your ex-wife
is one beautiful lady.

Do they know who she is yet?

- No.
- Mm.

- Hi, a glass
of white wine, please.

- Sure.
- Me too.

- Hey, Ron.
- Yeah.

- That Kate
is really something, man.

I mean, the more you see her,
the more you like her.

I mean, the more I see her,
the more I like her.

- And I saw plenty of her.

You should have seen the bikini
she was wearing on the beach.

I mean, everybody was looking.

- And what a sense of humor.

And-- and she's bright,
she's wonderful.

- That's wonderful.
- I don't understand

why somebody hasn't grabbed
her up before this.

- I understand
she was married before.

She really must have
hated that guy.

She went back
to her maiden name.

- He must have been an idiot.
No guy in his right mind

would give up a girl like that.

- Yeah, well,
how do you know that?

Maybe the breakup
was her fault.

- Her fault?
Ron, you don't know this lady.

- If she has any faults,
it's that she has no faults.

- Right... that's why
I'm going to marry her.

- No, you're not.
I'm gonna marry her.

- Hey, may the best man win.

- Oh, thank you.
I will.

- We'll see.
Put these on my tab, please.

Oh, is it okay to take
the glass?

- Sure, yeah, go right ahead.

Hey, Mr. Lucky!
They both wanna marry her!

Well, I guess that lets you off
the whole alimony hook.

You should be very happy.
- Yeah.

- If that's happy,
I sure don't wanna see sad.

(Merrill)
- I don't think you're gonna
find anything wrong.

I've never felt better.

- Then why'd you come
and see me, merrill?

Actually, as hard as it is
for patients to believe,

doctors are actually very happy
when they don't find anything.

- I mean, it isn't as though
I'm having dizzy spells

or... anything that
George had before he...

- Are you having dizzy spells?
- Me?

(Chuckles)
After all these years
on the high seas,

the captain of a vessel
having dizzy spells?

Well... maybe one or two.
Nothing I can't handle.

- 'Cause dizzy spells
can be related

to a number of problems.

- My heart, right?

- That's right,
I'm listening to your heart.

- I mean, is there anything
wrong with it?

- Uh, basically,
it sounds pretty good,

except for a few little
cha-cha beats

left over from last night.

Merrill, I've got
a few more little tests to do.

- It's a beautiful sight.

- Yes, it is.
- I meant you.

Brandy?
- I'd love some, thanks.

- I'll be right back.

- Hi.

- Martin isn't here.

If you're looking for a fight,
you'll have to hit me.

- Look, I'm sorry, i--
I don't know what got into me.

I just... I got jealous.

- Now, you understand how I felt
about your wife all these years.

- I want to marry you.

Really.
I want you to be my wife.

- What about your children?

- Um... well, i-- I have
to think of myself now.

- But they're so young,
they're still in school.

- My children are never gonna
graduate from any school.

At least, not these children,
anyway.

- Why?
- Because I...

Don't have any children.

- What are you talking about?
Bobby's almost eight now.

- No, he isn't.
Only his name is eight.

- Bonnie too?

- No Bonnie.
- I don't understand.

Why didn't you ask your wife
for a divorce?

Oh, no.

You don't have a wife, do you?

- No.

- Then...

Four years!

- Laura?

I've loved you so much.

I didn't wanna ruin
the anticipation,

that intrigue,
that-- that thrill

whenever we saw each other.

We've had a perfect
relationship.

- Do you know how miserable
I have been the past four years?

- But have you?

When I look
at my married friends,

I'm afraid of marriage.

They're bored, most of 'em,
tired of one another.

They cheat on each other,
they-- they look for ways

not to spend time together,
but look at us.

After four years,
we've had nothing but romance

and passion and love--
real love.

- You're insane!
- I may be.

But I'm not insane enough
to let you marry another man.

I won't let you marry Martin.
I won't.

- I can't.
He's my brother.

- He's your brother?

Then there is no other man
who wants to marry you.

- Just one.
You.

- Laura, after all
our years together,

how could you deceive me
like that?

- How could I deceive you?

It worked, didn't it?

I guess we were made
for each other.

- I guess.
- Mm.

- Let's get married.

- Aren't you afraid
it won't be exciting

on a daily basis?

- Well, if we get bored,
we'll...

Just invite old Martin over.

And we'll both
b*at him up.

(Laughter)

(Julie)
- We hope you enjoyed
your stay in acapulco.

Our next stop is the port
of Los Angeles.

(Knocking)

- All right, Adam,
give it to me straight.

How long have I got?

- Well, according to the latest
actuarial tables,

you've got about years--
- that's what I was afraid of.

years?

- Give or take being hit
by a truck.

We can't predict everything.

- What's happening?
Why the dizzy spells?

- Well, judging by my little
examination,

you seem to be having
an allergic reaction

to something-or-other.

Your nasal membranes are dry,
and more likely than not,

you've got what's called
otitis media.

- What's that?

- Commonly known as inflammation
of the middle ear.

Your ear passages are swollen,
causing an imbalance,

and your head starts to swim.

- You mean, that's it?
That's why I'm dizzy?

- Yeah, it's not very serious.

Of course, we should find out
what's causing it.

Sometimes it's dust, foods.

More often than not,
it's pollen.

- Mm.

- And here, my dear Watson,
is the culprit.

- And that's all it is,
honestly?

- Honestly.
- Oh-ho-ho, what a relief!

Oh, and I know exactly how
I'm gonna celebrate tonight.

A glass of warm milk
and hours of sleep.

I'm exhausted.
Goodnight then.

Oh, Adam?

I know you can't charge me
for your professional services.

But as a little token
of my thanks...

Sorry, George.

(Inhales deeply,
door closes)

- Nice night.

- Yes, it's beautiful.

- Oh, by the way,
congratulations.

I hear both my friends
want to marry you.

- I know.
- Are you in love?

- Maybe.

- You know, you hardly
know them.

- That's true, but there is one
I care for very much.

- Well, I think
you're acting hastily.

- He's kind and gentle
when he wants to be.

- But he's wrong for you.
- And very loving when he tries.

- Kate, it's nothing more
than a shipboard romance.

- I don't think so.

- (Sighs)

But it's only been
two days, you know.

- That's true.

But I know now
that I do love him.

I've loved him ever since
we first met in high school.

- Oh, come on, Kate, don't be
fooled by the moonlight.

I know Joe and Archie,
and they're...

Wait a minute,
you went to high school with me.

- That's always been
one of your problems.

You don't listen.

- You love me?
- Yes.

The minute I saw you
in the doorway,

same old butterflies.

- Kate, I love you.
I've always loved you.

I've never stopped loving you.

(Sighs)

Kate...
Will you marry me again?

- Are you sure you want to?

- I'll tell you what,
I am so sure,

that I will not only marry you,

I'll continue to pay you
the alimony.

- Ohh...

- Ah, gentlemen!
- Hey!

- I've quit the club.

Kate and I are getting
married again.

- Well, congratulations.
- Congratulations.

- Thank you.
- But, uh, if you're
getting married again,

why are you still wearing
the New York ac jackets?

- Well, it doesn't stand
for alimony club anymore.

- No, it stands for
always cuddling.

- Bye-bye, thank you.
- Bye.

- We decided to dissolve
the club.

- Yeah, Kate
is the perfect woman,

but we figured there must
be a lot more perfect women

in the world worth marrying.

- Oh, really?
Maybe I should give you

the addresses of my ex-wives,
they're all perfect.

- This is where we came in.

- That'd save me
a fortune.

- Bye-bye, Julie.
Thank you.

- Oh, sure, I hope you all
had a nice trip.

- Couldn't have been better.
- (Sighs)

- Well, I heard that you two
almost had a run-in.

I'm glad you ironed things out.

- So am I.

It's so boring having two men
fighting over you all the time.

- Gee, I'd love
to be bored like that.

(Merrill laughing)

- Well, I certainly enjoyed
having you all on the cruise.

Won't you come back
and see us again sometime?

(Overlapping farewells)
Okay, goodbye.

- I'm so glad to see dad
back to his old self.

Thanks, doc.

- I'm glad too.
- Me too.

His new self almost scared
the pants off me.

- Those are the nicest women.
- (Laughing)

- Did you make a date
with all three of 'em

for your next shore leave?
- No, no, no.

Now that I understand
why I was so frantic

to live my life to the hilt,

it's quite unnecessary
to date three women.

- Good.
- Two are plenty.

♪♪