01x01 - Pilot: New Boy

[bunniefuu]

FADE IN: INT. BABYLON - NIGHT

Panning sh*ts of the dancing crowd and go-go boys.

Theme: Neon

MICHAEL [VO]

The thing you need to know is, it's all about sex. It's true. In fact, they say men think about sex every 28 seconds. Of course, that's straight men. Gay men it's every nine. You could be at the supermarket, or the laundromat or buying a fabulous shirt when suddenly you find yourself checking out some hot guy. Hotter than the one you saw last weekend or went home with the night before, which explains why we're all at Babylon at one in the morning instead of at home, in bed. But who wants to be at home, in bed? Especially alone, when you can be here, knowing that at any moment, you might see him. The most beautiful man who ever lived. That is, until tomorrow night.

Pan sh*t from dancing go-go boys to the bar and the stud leaning against it, drinking a beer. He's in jeans, no shirt.

MICHAEL [VO]

By the way, that's me. 6'1", 46 inch chest, 16 inch biceps, 28 inch waist. A veritable god. I wish. [quick-pan down the bar to a regular guy] Okay, that's me. Michael Novotny, the semi-cute boy next door type. 29, 5'10", 140, 9 1/2 cut. All right, so I exaggerate. But, like, who's told the truth since they invented cyber-sex?

EMMETT

When did 70's night become 80's night?

TED

I remember this song from high school. Talk about feeling ancient.

EMMETT

Speak for yourself, honey. I was a mere child.

MICHAEL [VO]

And those are my two buddies. Ted and Emmett.

EMMETT

Give me those divas of disco any day. Gloria Gaynor.

TED

Donna Summer.

MICHAEL

And Miss Alicia Bridges.

ALL

[singing] I love the night life, I like to boogie, on the disco floor, ahhHHHH--

Stud #1 walks by.

EMMETT

Oh my god. Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?

TED

Venice. At sunset.

EMMETT

Fine. You go down the Grand Canal, I'll go down on him. [spins] Ooo!

MICHAEL [VO]

Emmett can be a little campy. Okay, a lot campy. But you gotta admit, these days it takes real guts to be a queen in a world full of commoners.

TED

The problem with perfection is it's inability to recognize anything less perfect than itself.

EMMETT

In other words, you hit on him and he turned you down?

TED

Yeah.

MICHAEL [VO]

Ted's this really smart guy, and he's got a really big heart, only nobody here is interested in the size of that organ.

TED

Why am I wasting my time staring at a bunch of over-pumped princesses with IQs smaller than their waist--

Stud #2 walks by.

TED

--Jesus, look at him.

MICHAEL [VO]

Like I said, it's all about sex. Except when you're having it. And then it's all about [series of Michael face sh*ts] 'Will he stay?', 'Will he go?', 'How am I doing?', 'What am I doing?' [quick-pan back out to the dance floor] Unless, of course, you're Brian Kinney. And then it's 'Who gives a f*ck what you think? You're lucky to have me.'

Smirking, BRIAN KINNEY leads his dance partner off the floor by the waist of his pants. They walk through the chains that separate the backroom.

MICHAEL: I'll get Brian.

CUT TO: INT. BABYLON'S BACKROOM - NIGHT

Wall-to-wall sex. Michael walks in, sees TODD getting f*cked up against a wall.

MICHAEL

Hey, Todd, how's it going?

TODD

Fine.

Michael walks over to where Brian is leaning back against a wall, being face-nuzzled by his trick.

MICHAEL

We need to go. We want to eat.

Trick goes to his knees. Sound of Brian's pants being undone.

BRIAN

I'm just gonna give him my number.

MICHAEL

What'd you do? Write it on your d*ck? How long is this going to take?

BRIAN

[pulls Trick's mouth off his d*ck, looks down at him] Ten minutes ... [pushes Trick back against his crotch] ... tops.

Michael sighs and turns to leave.

CUT TO: EXT. BABYLON - NIGHT

The alley is crowded with night life. Ted and Emmett wait at the street corner.

EMMETT

[to passing drag queen] Mmm, Bruno. Love your outfit. [to Ted] Not everyone can wear tangerine.

Michael joins them.

TED

How long are we gonna wait? You know, I've got to work in the morning.

MICHAEL

Who doesn't? He said he'd be right out.

EMMETT

Yeah, we've all heard that before.

TED

This is some great system he's got. He gets to party all night and you drive him home.

MICHAEL

It's no big deal, okay?

EMMETT

[looking to Michael's right] Mmm, don't look now, but, uh, so-omebody's wa-atching.

Michael looks to find STALKER TRICK leaning against the wall.

MICHAEL

Oh, him. He has been cruising me all night.

EMMETT

Hmn. Playing hard to get. I love that in a man.

MICHAEL

Not playing, just not interested.

EMMETT

Check out that bubble butt. And that basket? Enough in there for the big bad wolf.

MICHAEL

Would you quit staring?! There's more to a guy than his cock size.

EMMETT

Hmn.

MICHAEL

[having turned to look] Or his perfectly shaped ass.

Emmett laughs.

TED

Which is why you read all those comic books, with those superheroes in their little tights - for the plot.

MICHAEL

I told you. I'm not interested.

TED

Maybe, just for once, you should be. Show a certain someone he's not the only one who can score.

Michael looks again.

CUT TO: EXT. LIBERTY AVENUE - NIGHT

Close-up profile of a teenage boy, JUSTIN TAYLOR. Pulling back, we see him taking everything in with inexperienced eyes. Lights a cigarette that's been tucked behind his ear and spots a MAN across the street, leaning against a lamppost. He walks over.

JUSTIN

Excuse me. Uh, could you tell me, like, where's a good place to go?

MAN

Depends what you're looking for. You want twinkies, go to BoyToy. You want leather, go to the Meathook. If you want snotty, conceited assholes who think they're better than everybody else, try p*stol. Kind of late to be out, though, isn't it? Especially on a school night? Why don't you come home with me, huh? [squeezes the back of Justin's neck]

JUSTIN

[steps back] No thanks.

MAN

Go on home to your mommy. Go on.

Justin walks back the way he came, taking a drag off his cigarette.

CUT TO: EXT. OUTSIDE BABYLON - NIGHT

Brian joins Michael, Ted and Emmett. He hooks an arm around Michael's shoulders and starts walking, Ted and Emmett following.

MICHAEL

That was quick.

TED

Well, when you've had as much practice as he's had...

BRIAN

I got bored.

EMMETT

I know. Getting your d*ck sucked can be so tedious.

MICHAEL

Well, he looked pretty hot to me.

BRIAN

Well, anybody would look hot to you.

Brian sees Justin walking down the street. Justin leans against a lamppost. Brian continues to stare. Their eyes meet.

MICHAEL [VO]

And that's when it happened. When he came along.

Brian walks over to stand chest-to-chest with Justin.

BRIAN

How's it going? You had a busy night?

JUSTIN

Just, uh, checking out the bars, you know. BoyToy, Meathook.

BRIAN

The Meathook. Really? So you're into leather?

JUSTIN

Sure.

BRIAN

Where you headed?

JUSTIN

No place special.

BRIAN

I can change that.

CUT TO: EXT. OUTSIDE BABYLON - NIGHT

Brian and Justin are sitting in the Jeep. Michael, Ted, and Emmett on the sidewalk.

EMMETT

Hey! Hey! What about us?

BRIAN

You can ride with Ted. [drives away]

TED

[waving] Thanks a lot.

MICHAEL

assh*le!

They walk to Ted's car, passing Stalker Trick at a food cart.

EMMETT

Well, if it isn't Miss Riding Hood and her big basket.

MICHAEL

[to Stalker Trick] Find someone else to stalk. I'm not interested. [gets in Ted's car] Go home.

CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S LOFT - NIGHT

Brian slides open the door, throws his jacket toward the couch and goes to the kitchen. Justin remains at the door.

BRIAN

Coming in?

JUSTIN

Huh? Oh, yeah.

BRIAN

Shut the door.

b*at. Justin closes his eyes, takes a breath, and slides the door shut on the camera sh*t. He turns to see Brian take his shirt off and drink some bottled water.

JUSTIN

This is a ... really nice place.

Brian pours the rest of the water over his head. He shakes his head and we follow the camera down his wet chest.

JUSTIN

I like your ... kitchen.

BRIAN

Do you like Special K? [grins and takes his shoes off]

JUSTIN

It's okay. I like Cheerios better.

BRIAN

I don't mean the kind you eat with bananas. [pulls out a small pack of dr*gs from his pants, holds it at arm's length] My disco-pharmacologist cooks this up for me.

JUSTIN

I'm really allergic to a lot of dr*gs. The doctor gave me penicillin once--nearly k*lled me. And ... Tylenol.

BRIAN

Tylenol? [grinning] No one's allergic to Tylenol. Tylenol's what they give you when you're allergic to everything else. [unbuttons his pants in one quick motion]

JUSTIN

Oh. Well, uh ... codeine. Codeine's the worst. [sound of Brian's pants hitting the floor] Like, I get diarrhea and start vomiting uncontrollably at the same time.

BRIAN

Well, we'll make sure and keep that one on the top shelf. Out of reach. [bends over to slide his underwear off]

Brian stands nude, arms out to the side in offering.

BRIAN

So, are you coming or going? Or coming and then going? Or coming and staying?

b*at. Justin takes his jacket off to toss it aside and slowly approaches. Brian pulls him flush against his body. They tentatively begin to kiss, Brian's hand undoing Justin's pants to slip inside. The kiss turns heated.

CUT TO: EXT. MICHAEL AND EMMETT'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Ted's car pulls to the curb.

EMMETT

Thank you for the lift. [kisses the top of Ted's head]

TED

See ya.

EMMETT

Bye.

Stalker Trick parks across the street and gets out as Emmett notices.

EMMETT

Oh my god. Look. He must have followed us.

MICHAEL

Christ, this is just what I need.

EMMETT

Honey, it's what we all need. Hey! When was the last time you got laid? [b*at] My point exactly. If you can't remember, then it's time. Now, where are your manners? Go, uh, go invite the gentleman in while I make sure none of my fine washables are hanging in the tub.

Emmett walks away, leaving Michael to Stalker Trick.

CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S LOFT - NIGHT

The bedroom. Both naked, Brian is straddling Justin, giving him a handjob.

BRIAN

Don't come yet.

JUSTIN

I'll try. Stop! [touches Brian's arm]

BRIAN

So, what do you like to do?

JUSTIN

Do? I don't know. Watch TV, play Tomb Raider.

BRIAN

I meant in bed.

JUSTIN

Oh. This is fine.

BRIAN

Are you a top or a bottom?

JUSTIN

[long pause] Top ... and bottom.

BRIAN

Oh, you're versatile, then?

JUSTIN

And ambidextrous. Which was really confusing at first cos I could never figure out which hand to throw with.

BRIAN

Do you like to rim?

JUSTIN

Sure. I love it!

BRIAN

Great. Go to it. [b*at] Well?

JUSTIN

Um ... what exactly do you mean?

Brian grins. The phone by the bed rings. Brian picks up, resuming Justin's handjob.

BRIAN

[into phone] Yeah? What? When? Are you kidding me? No, of course you're not kidding me. When did it happen?

Justin taps his arm in warning he's about to come.

BRIAN

[into phone] Why didn't you call me? Well, of course I was out! I can't believe it.

Justin comes with a yell.

BRIAN

sh*t! Jesus Christ, I told you not to.

JUSTIN

I tried! I'm sorry. I tried!

BRIAN

All over my new duvet.

JUSTIN

I tried.

BRIAN

[wiping at himself and the bed] Thank you very much.

JUSTIN

It'll wash out, won't it? I mean, you should see my sheets at home.

BRIAN

[into phone] Just some kid. [to Justin] What's your name again?

JUSTIN

Justin.

BRIAN

[into phone] Justin. I'll be right there. [gets up]

CUT TO: INT. MICHAEL AND EMMETT'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Michael and Stalker Trick are kissing. Emmett comes out of the kitchen with a plate.]

EMMETT

Ooh, don't mind me. Just, uh, can't sleep without my milk and Oreos. [exits]

MICHAEL

This is my friend Emmett. He's staying with me temporarily since the hooker who lived down the hall from him b*rned his apartment building down two years ago.

STALKER TRICK

Two years is a long time to be temporary. [resumes kissing]

MICHAEL

And yet it hasn't interfered with my love life which ... suppose says a lot about my love life.

STALKER TRICK

Do you mind if we skip the backstory and cut to the chase? It's almost two in the morning. [they resume kissing] You have a great ass.

MICHAEL

Oh, yeah? [reaches into trick's pants] So do you. It's really ... [pulls out a plastic butt form] firm.

STALKER TRICK

It's called The Butt. I got it in a catalog.

Phone rings. Michael lifts up a hold-that-thought finger and goes to pick up, still carrying the fake butt.

MICHAEL

[into phone] Parts department.

BRIAN

Melanie called. It's happened.

MICHAEL

[into phone] What? Oh my god, when?

BRIAN

I don't know. I had my damn cell phone off. I'm picking you up in two minutes.

Stalker Trick unzips pants and reaches inside.

MICHAEL

[into phone] Now? I ... kinda got my hands full.

STALKER TRICK

[holds up a plastic cock form] The Bulge. You order both, you get a discount.

BRIAN

Who's that?

MICHAEL

[into phone] Uh, no one.

BRIAN

Mikey, you've got someone there with you. I can't believe it.

MICHAEL

[into phone] You should only be here.

BRIAN

Forget about it. Don't let me bother you. f*ck the sh*t out of him.

MICHAEL

[into phone] No, wait! Pick me up. I'm-I'm ready. Now! [hangs up]

STALKER TRICK

Are we gonna do this or not?

MICHAEL

I am really, really sorry. Um, a friend of mine needs me. It's an emergency.

STALKER TRICK

sh*t! After all that?

MICHAEL

I know. I promise we'll reschedule, though. No ifs, ands, or ... [hands back the plastic butt]

CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S LOFT - NIGHT

Brian, in pants but no shirt, runs across the loft holding his shoes. He throws Justin's clothes at him. Justin, sitting on the bed, starts to redress.

JUSTIN

What's going on?

BRIAN

Everything. Come on. Get up. You gotta go.

JUSTIN

Where?

BRIAN

Home.

JUSTIN

I can't go home now. My-my parents think I'm staying at a friends.

BRIAN

You live with your parents?

JUSTIN

Well, I'm still in school. I mean--college.

BRIAN

What year are you in?

JUSTIN

Junior. Sophomore. Between my junior and sophomore year.

BRIAN

How old are you?

JUSTIN

Twenty-one.

BRIAN

What year were you born?

JUSTIN

[b*at] 1979.

BRIAN

Bullshit. You had to think before you answered that. How old are you really?

JUSTIN

Twenty. [b*at] Nineteen. [b*at] Eight ... teen.

BRIAN

Well, what is this, a m*ssile launch?

JUSTIN

Seventeen.

BRIAN

What is with kids today? [sits beside Justin to pull his shoes on]

JUSTIN

We just wanna get laid like everybody else.

BRIAN

Have you ever been with anyone before?

JUSTIN

Sure. Well ... not exactly. This is sort of my first.

BRIAN

I figured. Kind of young, aren't you? Well, I was fourteen my first time.

JUSTIN

That's really young.

BRIAN

With my gym teacher.

JUSTIN

I bet he was some old perv.

BRIAN

That old perv was probably the same age that I am now. It was after school in the locker rooms. He was taking a shower. I went back for something: a book, my jockstrap, I don't remember. Anyway, there he was, all naked, soaping himself. He saw me there, a big boner under my chinos. sh*t, I walked right into the showers with all my clothes on.

JUSTIN

No!

BRIAN

Got down on my knees and sucked him off right there.

JUSTIN

He let you?

BRIAN

Let me? He loved it.

JUSTIN

I bet you were scared.

BRIAN

Well, I guess we're all a little scared our first time. [b*at. He stands.] But I don't remember any more.

CUT TO: EXT. MICHAEL AND EMMETT'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Michael's waiting at the curb when Brian pulls up. He sees Justin in the front seat.

MICHAEL

You brought him?

BRIAN

He's got nowhere to go. Get in!

MICHAEL

Geez.

CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT

Brian, Justin and Michael run down corridors until they burst into room #3. The room is crowded with women leaning over a bed. Michael walks in, grinning. Brian stands frozen in the doorway, Justin behind him. The crowd parts and we see LINDSAY PETERSON in bed, holding an infant. MELANIE MARCUS lies by her side atop the covers.

BRIAN

Oh my god.

LINDSAY

Say hello to your son.

MICHAEL

Well, go on.

BRIAN

[walks over] When did it start?

MELANIE

Around seven.

LINDSAY

Six hours later, there he was.

BRIAN

I wish I could have been here. How often do I get to see snatch?

LINDSAY

Looks just like you.

BRIAN

I guess he must be mine, then.

LINDSAY

Want to hold him?

Brian picks the baby up.

MELANIE

Okay, careful. Don't drop him!

BRIAN

And that's just want I was planning on doing.

LINDSAY

We've been thinking of names. Mel wants to call him Abraham after her grandfather, but ... I like Gus.

BRIAN

[looks at Justin] What do you think?

JUSTIN

Y-you wouldn't survive a day at school being named Abraham. But I guess Gus is okay.

MELANIE

Thank you very much, and who the hell are you?

BRIAN

His name's J... [long b*at]

MICHAEL

Justin.

BRIAN

You were on the phone when he sh*t his load all over me.

Everyone groans. Justin winces.

LINDSAY

[laughing] Oooh, Brian!

BRIAN

He can't help it. He's only seventeen.

MELANIE

So, you and Lindsay each had an infant tonight.

BRIAN

[to Gus] But mine doesn't suck on my tits. [to Justin] Not unless I want him to. [grins at Justin, then back to Gus] Gus. It's a good butch name. Come on, Gus. Give your daddy a smile.

Michael takes a flash photo. Brian looks over, smiling.

CUT TO: EXT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT

The roof. Brian leans against the ledge, smoking. Michael joins him.

MICHAEL

It's disgusting, all those lesbians fawning over him and making goo-goo talk.

BRIAN

That's what women do over babies.

MICHAEL

Who's talking about the baby? I mean Justin. [b*at] It's kind of weird you having a kid. Still, it's exciting, isn't it?

BRIAN

What, having some wrinkled little time clock ticking away? Reminding you that you're getting older by the minute. By the second.

MICHAEL

Keep thinking like that, you're gonna end up prematurely gra-ay. Ooh, I think I see one. [plucks a hair]

BRIAN

Ow! [shoves Michael, who laughs] Why didn't somebody try and stop me?

MICHAEL

Hello! Somebody did. But you wouldn't listen. You had to let Lindsay fill your head with all her bullshit flattery. 'Oh, Brian, you're so good-looking.' 'Oh, oh Brian, y-y-you're so smart.' 'Oh-oh, you've got such great genes, Brian. And I don't mean your 501s.' And now you're stuck with a kid. For life.

BRIAN

There is always one solution. [steps up on the ledge] I could end it all right now.

MICHAEL

Oh, that'd be dramatic. Just like E.R.--birth and death in the same episode. Now, get down!

BRIAN

No, you'll have to come get me.

MICHAEL

I'm serious. Stop clowning.

BRIAN

[shouts] Or I'll jump!

Brian offers his hand to join him. Michael takes it. Brian holds him to his chest.

BRIAN

Come on, Mikey. Let's fly. Like in all those comic books. [b*at] I'm Superman. I'll show you the world!

MICHAEL

Why am I always Lois Lane?

Both grin. Michael carefully turns around and hugs Brian.

MICHAEL

Congratulations ... dad. [kisses Brian's mouth, then hugs him again]

CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT

Brian and Michael turn the corner. Brian purposely bumps into a male doctor.

BRIAN

Sorry. [walks backwards to stare]

MICHAEL

Honestly.

BRIAN

f*cked him.

MICHAEL

You did not. You looked at him.

BRIAN

That may appear to be what happened, but we did it all.

MICHAEL

Oh, yeah, and how was he?

BRIAN

Ffffabulous. Want one? [holds up an E tablet]

MICHAEL

No.

BRIAN

More for me. [pops the tablet into his mouth]

MICHAEL

Listen, you're gonna go say goodnight to Lindsay, you're gonna go home, go to bed and get up and go to work for the next twenty years to support your kid.

They round another corner to see a WOMAN talking to Justin, his palm in her hand.

WOMAN

[to Justin] You see this line, how deep it is? That means you're very creative.

JUSTIN

That's true. I wanna be a cartoonist or a computer animator.

BRIAN

[grabs Justin's ear as he passes] It's far too lesbionic out here for a young boy. Out. [to Michael] I'll meet you out front.

Brian grabs a wheelchair.

CUT TO: INT. LINDSAY'S HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT

Lindsay and Melanie are on the bed. The NURSE stands at the side, holding Gus. Brian, sitting in the wheelchair, rolls inside.

Nurse

I'm sorry, sir. You'll have to come back tomorrow. The mother needs her rest.

BRIAN

And so does the father.

LINDSAY

It's okay, nurse.

Nurse moves to leave. Brian stands up.

BRIAN

[to Gus] Sweet dreams, Sonny Boy. First night on earth.

LINDSAY

[to Melanie] Hon, could you get me some ice and maybe something fizzy?

MELANIE

How about some Ginger Ale? Hmm. [kisses her hand and gets up]

Brian walks to the bed.

MELANIE

Uh, anything for you?

BRIAN

Uh, if you see any amyl nitrate laying around...

Mel exits, closing the door. Brian jumps onto the bed.

BRIAN

Alone at last.

LINDSAY

Careful.

BRIAN

[hand on her belly] Well, here we are. Ma and Pa.

Lindsay starts to cry.

BRIAN

Hey. [wipes her tears]

LINDSAY

Don't mind me. Just feeling a little ... vulnerable.

BRIAN

I promise not to tell.

LINDSAY

Who would have thought? You and me. Parents.

BRIAN

It's pretty scary, boys and girls. Think it's too late to return it?

LINDSAY

We could try. Ohh. I guess this means we're finally grown-ups.

BRIAN

'Don't say that, Wendy! We'll never grow up.'

LINDSAY

Don't be scared. Hell, if our parents could f*ck up, so can we.

BRIAN

[long b*at] I don't want you to worry. About money, I mean. If you need anything...

LINDSAY

No. We'll be all right. But thanks. [kisses his cheek]

BRIAN

I would have f*cked you, you know. [both laugh] If I wasn't afraid your lover'd b*at the sh*t out of me.

LINDSAY

Sto-op.

BRIAN

I mean it. She could take out Oscar de la Renta.

LINDSAY

You mean La Hoya. [softly punches his chin]

BRIAN

Whatever.

They laugh.

LINDSAY

Well, you had plenty of chances.

BRIAN

And I took advantage of a few, if I recall.

LINDSAY

Wasn't half bad.

BRIAN

Now you tell me? You mean I could have been straight this whole time?

LINDSAY

I wouldn't say that.

BRIAN

Well, then, I guess it's just as well.

He kisses her as Melanie returns with a pitcher of ice and a soda can.

MELANIE

[tense] Ice?

CUT TO: EXT. BRIAN'S JEEP - NIGHT

Michael is driving. Brian and Justin in the backseat. Brian is high.

BRIAN

Tick-tick-tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

JUSTIN

What are you doing?

BRIAN

I'm just repeating the first words my Sonny Boy said to me. It wasn't 'da-da.' It was 'tick, tick-tick-tick.' Smart little fucker. He can tell time already.

Michael adjusts the rearview mirror so he can see them.

MICHAEL

Brian, what did you take?

BRIAN

A-B-C-D-E-E-E. I'm just teaching my kid the alphabet. [to Justin] I'm gonna f*ck you. I'm gonna f*ck you all ... night.

Brian undoes Justin's pants and goes down on him. Michael swerves the Jeep hard.

BRIAN

sh*t!

MICHAEL

So-rry. I didn't want to hit that doggie.

BRIAN

f*ck the doggie.

MICHAEL

[to Justin] Okay, Boy Wonder. I'm taking you home, where do I turn?

BRIAN

He's going with me.

MICHAEL

Ooh, no, he's not.

BRIAN

Pop quiz. No talking. Here's your question. Multiple choice. Do you want to come home with me? A:Yes, B:Yes or C:Yes. Tick-tick-tick. Time's up, pencils down. What do you say?

MICHAEL

None of the above. He's going home.

JUSTIN

I'm going with him.

BRIAN

Good boy. You get an A+. [kisses him]

CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S LOFT - NIGHT

The bedroom. Justin on his belly as Brian slides his tongue along his back to his ass. Justin gasps loudly. Brian's head pops up.]

BRIAN

Now you know what rimming is.

CUT TO: INT. MICHAEL AND EMMETT'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Michael is pacing. Emmett is curled up on the couch.

MICHAEL

He calls me, practically begs me to go with him, knowing full well I'm with someone for the first time in I don't know how long.

EMMETT

Seven months, two weeks and three days.

MICHAEL

Thank you. And, even though the guy wasn't all he was cracked up to be--

EMMETT

We'll let that remark pass.

MICHAEL

At least he wanted me. Me. [sits next to Emmett] God, I am so horny!

EMMETT

Poor baby. [gets up] Well, I have just the thing. A new p*rn video. It all takes place in a Prisoner or w*r camp. [reads video] 'Hot, horny men starved for action.'

MICHAEL

I can relate to that.

EMMETT

Guaranteed to make your privates stand up and salute.

MICHAEL

'Schindler's Fist.'

EMMETT

[puts tape in the VCR] Ahh. Here. [hands over remote] I will leave you two alone. I'm sure you're going to have a deep meaningful relationship. Good night. [exits]

Michael plays the tape.

SERGEANT [OS]

Okay, private. Drop trou and bend over.

PRIVATE [OS]

For my physical, sir?

SERGEANT [OS]

No. Target practice.

Michael rolls his eyes.

PRIVATE

Yes, sir!

Michael lifts the remote to stop the tape.

CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S LOFT - NIGHT

The bedroom. Justin on his back, Brian between his legs.

BRIAN

Put your legs up--on my shoulders. That's it. [he presses forward]

JUSTIN

Oh, wait. In school we have this lecture--about safe sex.

BRIAN

And now we're going to have a demonstration. [opens a condom with his teeth] Put it on me. Go on. Slip it on my d*ck.

Justin does and Brian reaches for/applies the lube. Justin gasps.

JUSTIN

Ah! It's cold.

BRIAN

It'll heat up.

JUSTIN

Just ... go slow, okay? [cries out when Brian enters him] It hurts. Does it always hurt?

BRIAN

A little bit. But that's a part of it. Now relax. I want you to always remember this ... [starts slowly thrusting] so that no matter who you're ever with ... I'll always be there.

CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S LOFT - DAY

The bedroom. The alarm chirping wakes Brian. He rolls over onto Justin to shut it off, then flops back down, eyes closed. Justin edges closer, arm on Brian's chest. Still groggy, Brian rolls over into Justin's arms. Justin's content. Suddenly, Brian's head pops up.

BRIAN

What the f*ck are you doing here?

JUSTIN

You said I could stay.

BRIAN

Right. Your parents. They think you're at a friend's. [lifts up to see his loft is trashed] Jesus Christ, what the hell happened?

Justin laughs.

BRIAN

Don't tell me. I was doing handstands.

JUSTIN

And juggling. You're not very good.

BRIAN

sh*t. Why do I do these things? I'll tell you why. It was that f*cking pig, Anita. She told me that was E. That wasn't E. That was some sh*t they cooked up in a bathtub in Tijuana.

JUSTIN

That's why you should never take dr*gs that aren't prescribed by a physician or recommended by a reliable pharmacist.

BRIAN

[laughs] What are you, a public service announcement? Get dressed. I'll drive you home.

JUSTIN

You can't. Michael has the car.

BRIAN

Why has he got it?

JUSTIN

Because you were too high to--

BRIAN

[holds a finger up] I know what happened. I was there. I remember everything ... perfectly. What was your name again?

JUSTIN

Justin. [looks away]

BRIAN

Yeah, right.

JUSTIN

Can I take a shower?

BRIAN

Yeah. But hurry up. It's through there ... [Justin rises] I think.

Brian gets up naked and goes to his desk to play the answering machine.

MELANIE

[on tape] Where the hell are you? I've been trying your cell. It's turned off. If you're there, pick up. Brian. Listen, Lindsay's water broke. She's having contractions. We're at the hospital.

Quick-pan to Brian as he stands bolt-upright.

BRIAN

f*ck! I have a baby.

Sounds of the shower and Justin humming, then yelping.

JUSTIN

Ow! Ow!

BRIAN

Two babies.

CUT TO: INT. MICHAEL AND EMMETT'S APARTMENT - DAY

Michael asleep on the couch. A car alarm wakes him and he hurries to the window. We see TWO BOYS vandalizing Brian's Jeep with a crowbar and spray paint.

MICHAEL

Holy sh*t!

CUT TO: EXT. MICHAEL AND EMMETT'S APARTMENT - DAY

Michael runs for the Jeep.

MICHAEL

You little bastards! Get the f*ck away from there!

Boys run.

BOY #1

f*gg*t!

BOY #2

q*eer!

Michael chases after.

BOY #1

f*gg*t!

MICHAEL

Who you calling a f*gg*t?!

BOY #2

We've seen you! [throws spray paint at him]

BOY #1

q*eer!

The boys disappear around the corner. Michael walks back to the Jeep and gasps. Emmett joins him.

EMMETT

Morning. [sees the Jeep and covers his mouth as he laughs] Oh, my lord.

MICHAEL

m*therf*ckers! I'm calling the cops.

EMMETT

Brian is gonna have a fit. You know how he feels about his Jeep.

MICHAEL

Well, if he cared so much about it, then he shouldn't have lent it to me. He knows what a terrible neighborhood this is

EMMETT

Well, uh, I was gonna ask for a lift to work, but on second thought, I think I'll walk. [waves] Have a nice day.

MICHAEL

sh*t! [kicks the Jeep, then crouches down--the headlight finishes falling out]

CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S LOFT - DAY

Brian, holding his head, walks into the bathroom. He halts when he sees Justin, naked and steamy under the water. His hands drop and he joins him.

BRIAN

Why didn't you tell me I had a kid?

JUSTIN

You said you remembered everything.

BRIAN

It all happened so fast. What's his name again?

JUSTIN

Gus. I'm the one who decided.

Brian chuckles and grabs the soap. He lathers Justin's back.

JUSTIN

Did you actually f*ck her?

BRIAN

Who?

JUSTIN

Lindsay.

BRIAN

You're awfully rude.

JUSTIN

Well, did you?

BRIAN

I jerked off in a cup, and they squirted it up her.

JUSTIN

Gross. She must have really wanted a kid.

BRIAN

Most women do.

JUSTIN

Even lesbians?

BRIAN

Lesbians are women ... sort of.

JUSTIN

My mom says sometimes she wished she never had me.

BRIAN

That's probably because she's stuck with this annoying brat for the rest of her life.

JUSTIN

[turns to face Brian] So, you gonna raise him?

BRIAN

[laughs as he soaps Justin's chest] Me? No. Way. The Munchers are. But I'll be around to provide the masculine influence so important in every young boys' life.

JUSTIN

I'll bet Melanie could do it better than you.

BRIAN

[smacks Justin's ass] Don't get smart, or I'll have to spank you.

JUSTIN

Really?

They kiss. Breaking apart, they look down between them, then back up.

BRIAN

You up for one more? [pushes Justin's front against the shower wall, kissing him]

CUT TO: EXT. BRIAN'S LOFT - DAY

Michael pulls up in the Jeep.

MICHAEL

[shouts] Bri-an!

CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S LOFT - DAY

Michael slides the door open and gapes at the mess. Walks into the bedroom where Brian and Justin are standing chest-to-chest. Brian, wearing only pants, is kissing on Justin's neck as he pulls up Justin's underwear.

MICHAEL

Christ, didn't you get enough last night?

BRIAN

[coming down the stairs] There is no such thing as enough. [puts arm around Michael] Besides ... I couldn't send him off without a nourishing high protein breakfast. [into Michael's ear] It's grrrrrr-eat!

Michael laughs, then walks back to Justin, still in the bedroom.

MICHAEL

Will you come on! I'm not gonna be late because of you. [walks away]

Justin picks up Brian's underwear. Michael reappears.

MICHAEL

I said hurry up! [walks away again]

Justin shoves the underwear into his right pocket.

CUT TO: EXT. BRIAN'S LOFT - DAY

Brian, Justin and Michael emerge from the building.

JUSTIN

Yeah, what'd she say?

BRIAN

She said 'Don't be late.'

Michael leans his head against the Jeep. A b*at later, Brian and Justin see the damage.

BRIAN

Oh, that's beautiful, Mikey.

Michael tosses him the keys.

BRIAN

Just beautiful.

MICHAEL

It's not my fault. I told you about those two psychopaths down the street.

BRIAN

What, a couple of twelve year olds?

MICHAEL

They start early these days.

Justin laughs.

MICHAEL

What are you laughing at?

JUSTIN

Nothing. You. You sound like my parents fighting.

Long b*at.

BRIAN

It doesn't matter anyway. [crosses to the driver side] It's a company car. [to Michael] Well, come on. We have to take the child to school.

MICHAEL

In this?

BRIAN

[to Justin] You care?

JUSTIN

[b*at] f*ck no.

CUT TO: EXT. ST. JAMES SCHOOL - DAY

Brian driving recklessly around the corner to the entrance, horn blaring to scatter the teens in the road. When he suddenly throws on the brakes and spins toward the camera, you see f*gg*t in bright pink along the passenger side. There's laughter.

GIRL [OS]

No way. Who is that?

On the school steps, DAPHNE CHANDERS watches. In the Jeep, Justin slides down out of sight, embarrassed.

BRIAN

Here we are, Sonny Boy.

MICHAEL

[motherly voice] You be sure to come home right after school.

BRIAN

No lingering on the playground or in the locker room with the gym teacher.

MICHAEL

Oh, you did not tell him about that!

BRIAN

It's the most famous shower scene since 'Psycho.'

BOY

Hey, Justin! [walking by, hand at his crotch] You wanna suck me off?

The kids around him laugh. Brian gets out of the Jeep.

BRIAN

[shouts] No, but I'll kick your tight little virgin ass so hard you won't sit down for a week!

Boy runs away. Justin sits up with a grin, then jumps out. He stands in front of Brian.

MICHAEL

[wincing] Can we get out of here?

JUSTIN

When can I see you again?

BRIAN

You can see me right now.

JUSTIN

I mean later. Tonight.

BRIAN

[laughs] Who knows where I'll be later to-night.

MICHAEL

[to Justin] You better go.

Brian gets back in the Jeep.

JUSTIN

Please?

BRIAN

[long b*at] I'll see you in your dreams. [drives away]

A bell rings. Justin walks up the front steps to where Daphne is waiting. She hands him his backpack.

DAPHNE

Where have you been? Your mom called. I didn't know what to tell her. I said you were still asleep.

JUSTIN

I just saw the face of God.

DAPHNE [OS]

Huh?

JUSTIN

His name is Brian Kinney.

CUT TO: EXT. CITY ROAD - DAY

The Jeep drives by with its pink f*gg*t.

MICHAEL

Thank God he's finally gone.

BRIAN

He almost wore me out.

MICHAEL

Somebody wore you out?

BRIAN

I said 'almost.' I'll drop you by the store.

MICHAEL

[laughs] The hell you will. You better get this thing repainted before you go into the office.

BRIAN

I'm not having it repainted.

MICHAEL

What?

BRIAN

I like it this way.

MICHAEL

Are you crazy?

Horns are honking, people hostile and staring at the Jeep as they go by.

BRIAN

No. They are. Well, I say 'f*ck 'em.' They can write it in neon across the sky. [shouts] f*gg*t!

They laugh as the Jeep drives by, Brian honking. Michael flings his arms up like a roller coaster ride.

FADE TO BLACK.