02x14 - Scary Godparents

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Fairly OddParents". Aired: March 30, 2001 – July 26, 2017.*
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Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.
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02x14 - Scary Godparents

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♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and Dad and Vicky

♪ Always giving him commands

[Vicky] Bed, twerp!

♪ Doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who'll grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his OddParents, Fairly OddParents ♪

[Wanda] Wands and wings.

[Cosmo] Floaty, crowny things.

♪ OddParents, Fairly OddParents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

[Timmy] Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice.

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

♪ OddParents, Fairly OddParents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With Fairly OddParents

Yeah, right.

♪♪

[Pumpkinator] Pumpkinator doomsday device countdown.

Prepare to destroy entire planet.

, nine.

Treat or treat.

Don't you mean trick?

[Crash Nebula] Yes, intergalactic scourge!

I can totally defeat you in less than seconds.

It's Crash Nebula, five four three two one.

Uh, space crud.

[Crash Nebula zooms]

[pumpkin explodes]

No!

That's what I want to be for Halloween, that!

Okay!

[Timmy] No, like Jack-o-Bot!

But Timmy, those are the bad guys.

[Timmy] I know, but the coolest Halloween costumes

are always the scary ones.

And those Jack-o-Bots are cool!

I need a cool costume.

[knocking on door]

[Mr. Turner] Mm, like always, I'm going as your mom.

[Mrs. Turner] And I'm going as your dad!

And I'm going straight to therapy.

The heck you are.

You're going trick or treating whether you're crazy or not.

[Timmy] We gotta move quick,

Chester and AJ will be here any minute.

I wish I had one of the Jack-o-Bot costumes.

[magical tinkling]

[wands farting]

Uh, hey, what gives?

Hmm, well, it says here there are only four

actual costumes and they were won in a contest.

Somebody must already have 'em.

Who?[doorbell rings]

[kids] Trick or treat!

[Mr. Turner] Wow, cool authentic Jack-o-Bot costumes, kids!

What?

[Wanda and Cosmo tinkling]

♪♪

[Gold Jack-o-Bot] I'm the gold Jack-o-Bot.

[Silver Jack-o-Bot]I'm silver.

[Diamond Jack-o-Bot] And I'm the flawless

diamond princess Jack-o-Bot.

This is my lackey, the far less precious ruby Jack-o-Bot.

More shine, please.

Hey, everybody, let's gloat. [laughs]

Hey, how'd you get those costumes?

They were supposed to be won in a contest.

Well, may the richest kids who can bribe the judges win.

Now, fork over the treats or--

You get tricked.

Ooh, there'll be no need for tricking here.

Costumes this wonderful deserve treats

equally as wonderful.

Here's Timmy's video games, all of his CDs,

and the money we were saving for his birthday presents.

Hey, why'd you give them all my wonderful stuff?

Why not, those costumes were wonderful.

[doorbell rings]

While Chester and AJ's costumes are not wonderful.

But you kids will get something equally as wonderful.

Advice!

[Chester] Remember to say please and thank you,

even when receiving lame advice for a Halloween treat?

[A.J.] Right clicking your mouse gives you a variety of options

while editing documents?

Happy Halloween!

♪♪

Your parents stink, Timmy.

But come on, what'd you expect?

[Timmy] You're not gonna get any candy in those lame outfits.

Oh, yeah?

What are you going as?

I can always go as the most terrifying monster

in the world, Vicky! [laughs]

Eh, Vicky?

Yep!

My parents are paying you to take me, Chester,

and AJ trick or treating, aren't they?

Mm-hmm.

I'm dead, aren't I?

You're not just dead, you're undead!

Good thing I brought the two-ply.

[Timmy] Ugh, one ply too many.

I can't break free!

Ooh, a mummy made of toilet paper.

Much less lame.

And remember, I get a / split of all candy taken in.

Move it!

[owl hoots]

[kids laughing]

Well, I don't care if I am wrapped in toilet paper

and my costume stinks.

I'm ready, I'm willing, and I'm, uh--

[Cosmo] Totally absorbent!

Right, Cosmo.

Cosmo, Wanda, what are you guys doing?

If anybody sees you with me,

you'll have to go away forever!

Timmy, it's okay, it's Halloween.

Everybody's wearing a costume.

Yeah, nobody will know we're fairies.

This year, I'm going as a floating human janitor.

And I'm a floating human nurse, who floats.

And I'm the wicked witch of where's my candy?

Start begging!

♪♪

♪♪

[King Gripullon] Behold, my queen.

It appears the earthlings are hosting

some sort of intergalactic convention.

[Queen Jipjorrulac] Without inviting us?

They're conspiring against us! [screams]

This offense by the earthlings

demands a royal response of the highest order.

I shall pout.

Ugh.

[Gold Jack-o-Bot] Good thing these actual Jack-o-Bot costumes

give us enhanced strength.

Yeah, it sure makes it easier to carry all this candy

no one else is getting.

[Timmy grunts]

Ouch!

[all] Trick or treat!

Principal Waxelplax?

You're dressed as a mirror?

[Principal] So you can all see what wonderful students ya are.

I have an extra special gift for all of you!

♪♪

Reflective tape?

That's right.

I'm reflective, you're reflective.

[Principal] This year, I'm giving away safety!

And if you TP My house, I'll hold all of you back a year.

I'm being held back a year anyway.

Woohoo, woohoo!

♪♪

[thunder crashes]

[all] Trick or treat!

Wow, great evil dentist costume, Dr. Bender!

[Timmy] And great tooth fairy costume, Wendell!

[both] What costumes?

[Dr. Bender] Here you go, children!

Sugar-flavored sugar-coated pieces of sugar,

wrapped in sugar and filled with anti-fluoride.

Enjoy the tooth-rotting goodness,

And I'll be slowly scraping your gums in no time.

[kids screaming]

[Wendell] You're the reason I don't have any friends.

[kids screaming]

[King Grippulon] Wait, wait.

[gasps] You were right, my queen, it is a conspiracy.

The earthlings are arming themselves for w*r

with a substance most lethal to we Yugopotamians.

Candy!

Offense demands a royal response of an even higher order!

I shall

write an angry letter!

[King Gripullon grunts]

Somebody mail this.

[Timmy] Look, we're at the Buxaplentys' mansion.

They're rich!

[Rich Adult] Mm, great costumes, rich kids.

Thanks, rich adult.

I got a candy apple and $ , !

I got krugerrands and a pound of fudge.

Thanks to our amazing costumes, the rich get richer.

[Gold Jack-o-Bot] Hey, everybody, let's gloat again!

[rich kids laughing]

[cash register chimes]

[all] Trick or treat!

[Rich Adult] Well, let's see what we have for children

that don't have wonderful robot costumes.

Doberman, uh, Rottweiler.

Hmm, I believe I'm feeling rather pit bull, this evening.

[alarm blares]

[door clangs]

[dogs barking]

[kids screaming]

[A.J.] Hide, in the bushes!

They won't see us in the shadows!

♪♪

[dogs barking]

Oh, no, the safety tape.

What's so safe about this?

Ah!

Go on without me!

[all] Okay!

I was just being dramatic!

Uh, nice doggies?

[dogs barking]

[bell dings]

Next!

♪♪

Look at it this way, that toilet paper is really helping

to slow down the bleeding.

Reflective tape, bite wounds?

Aw, man, the rich kids are gonna get all the good stuff

and we're not gonna get anything

because of our stupid, unrealistic costumes.

Vicky seems to be raking it in

and she doesn't even have a costume.

Yeah, you're right, Cosmo.

Eh, I was right about something?

All right, then I'm way too smart to be a janitor.

From now on, I'm gonna be the supervisor.

[Cosmo] Look at all my keys!

Don't you see?

The rich kids are getting candy

because their costumes are real,

and Vicky's getting our candy because she's scary,

just plain scary.

That's what I want.

I wish all of our costumes were real and scary.

♪♪

♪ On Halloween, Halloween

♪ All through the night, through the night ♪

♪ We should be filled, filled

♪ With fear and fright, fright

♪ But I don't see much here tonight, tonight ♪

♪ 'Cause everything is so fake

♪ I want something real and real scary ♪

♪ Not cardboard, squeaky and clean ♪

♪ I want something big, green and hairy ♪

Like a frog on a fur trampoline?

No!

♪ It's time to get down to business ♪

♪ And spook up this boring scene ♪

♪ I wish things were real and real scary ♪

♪ Tonight on Halloween

♪ Real and scary

♪ Like a vampire's fangs in the night ♪

♪ Real and scary

♪ Like a witch on a broom taking flight ♪

♪ Real and scary

♪ Like an unwashed, forgotten latrine ♪

♪ Real and scary

Like a zit-covered hormone-crazed teen?

Hi!

♪ So that's what I want, real and scary ♪

♪ So when I trick or treat they can see ♪

♪ That I'm a force to be dealt with ♪

♪ And they better give their candy to me ♪

♪ I wish we were all real and scary ♪

♪ I wish this was one freaky scene ♪

♪ I wish the whole world were real scary ♪

♪ Tonight on Halloween

[pumpkin laughs]

[animal howls]

[ominous laughing]

[screaming]

[ominous laughing]

[bat squeaks]

Cosmo, Wanda, it worked!

I'm a real mummy, not a toilet paper covered kid,

but a real honest to dead mummy.

And I'm rotting, cool!

[flies buzzing]

[Timmy] This is awesome!

Who cares if I didn't get to wear

that stupid Jack-o-Bot costume.

Look at us, this is gonna be the best Halloween ever.

[Chad] Halloween greetings, Jack-o-Bots.

Hey Chad, look, it's our arch enemy, Crash Nebu-Boil.

He's got intergal-acne.

[boys laughing]

[Gold Jack-o-Bot] And you should prepare to perish.

Gold and silver Jack-o-Bot.

Unite to form mega Jack-o-Bot.

[Jack-o-Bot zooms]

Prepare for pulse-pounding space action

and pulse-pounding pulsing face pustules.

[lasers blasting]

Seek out additional Jack-o-Bots.

[Silver Jack-o-Bot] To form pumpkinator doomsday device

and make this the worst Halloween ever.

[both] By destroying the Earth.

[all] Jack-o-bots activate gloat mode. [laughs]

[hooves thumping]

[horse neighs]

[creepy laughing]

What an awesome Halloween!

Our real scary costumes rock.

All right, twerp, I'm running low on sugar!

[Vicky] Let's go.

[Timmy] Wow, Vicky's still the same horrible person

she was before my wish.

Next time, maybe we should dress her up

as a human being, or a pickle.

Well, at least all the other kids

seem to be enjoying their costumes.

All, what do you mean all?

Everybody.

What?

[scary laughing]

[Mark] Mom!

Me, Jeff and Erik are going torturing.

Where'd you put my death ray?

Hey, what're you guys watching?

The earthlings have triggered a doomsday device

called the Pumpkinator

that's going to blow up their entire planet!

Awesome!

I mean, not awesome!

That is my beloved, evil Vicky.

You must let me save her!

Well, I suppose we could put her in the zoo

as the last survivor of a dead planet.

[all] Road trip!

[pumpkin squishes]

Okay, dudes, these anti -candy suits should protect us

from the sugary human weapons.

But just to be sure, let us test the suits

by using this hideously yummy earthly gumdrop.

[Jeff] [screams] Its sweetness is most painful!

Okay, according to the readings on my Vicky detector,

there is a colossal concentration of pure badness,

[chuckles] , Yugopotamian miles from here.

Which would be, meh, like two earth inches.

[digital beeping]

Oh, great, you geeks.

Where'd you get the stupid European costumes,

Dorks"R"Us?

Vicky!

My beloved, 'tis I, Mark!

Your rocking princely love from--

[Erik] Look out, she's armed!

Ah, the sky, it rains death!

Hey, my arm, where'd that come from?

[mechanical whirring]

[alien screaming]

Oh, great.

Even those kids have cooler costumes than I do.

Look at those realistic Yugopotamian costumes.

Wait a minute, how can there be Yugopotamian costumes?

We're the only one's on Earth who know they exist.

[Mark] Vicky, I love you.

[all] They're real!

Vicky, you must let me take you away

from this horrible doomed planet.

Doomed?

[Timmy] Oh man, not only are the rich kids

linking up to blow up the world,

they still have cooler costumes than me.

I wish we were all back to normal.

♪♪

[Cosmo And Wanda] Uh.

Uh, what?

Timmy, when you wished everyone's costume

was real and scary--

We became a real scary human monster janitor

and nurse without magic powers.

You mean you can't fix this?

They're gonna blow up the earth.

I've got to use every ounce

of my awesome mummy powers to stop them!

[body parts splatting]

New plan, Cosmo, you have to stall mark and keep him

on this planet at all costs.

Wanda, I need you to roll my head

to the nearest costume store.

Mm, I dunno, Timmy.

All work orders must be submitted in writing.

[both] Just go!

Come on, let's roll!

Ow!

Come, Vicky, let us board my princely pod

and blow this rock.

[digital beeping]

Ah ah ah, hold it right there.

I'm afraid I can't let you gentlemen leave just yet.

I'm here to inspect your vehicle,

but first it's time for my break.

[Cosmo snoring]

Ow, oh, ah, ow, oh, ow, ouch!

Hey, the Dimmsdale Costume Emporium.

With all the amazing costumes here,

I'm bound to find something that'll help us.

[Jack-o-Bots zooming]

It's the last two Jack-o-Bots!

[digital beeping]

[lasers blasting]

Look over there.

Clearance bin, bits and pieces of costumes

that were left over.

All that's left is bad vampire teeth,

a crimson chin mask, a Crash Nebula boot,

A fin from the Creature of the Lagoon

and a ballerina tutu.

[all] Jack-o-Bots unite and form.

The Pumpkinator!

[electricity buzzing]

Five minutes until pumpkination detonation.

This might sound cliche,

but you've gotta throw my severed head

into the clearance bin.

But, Timmy, none of those costumes can stop

a foot tall doomsday device.

[Timmy] Alone, probably not.

[electricity buzzing]

But together,

they probably can!

[tutu tinkles]

♪♪

All right, Pumpkinator, let's dance!

♪♪

♪♪

[Pumpkinator laughs]

[Timmy] Activate rocket boosters!

Good thing I got the part of Crash Nebula that kicks butt.

[fuse sparks]

Ha, you can't hit a guy with vampire powers.

♪♪

[metallic whirring]

Pirouette!

Pickle, [snores] monkey, [snores] chicken, [snore] taco.

[Queen Jipjorrulac] Mark! [cries]

I know, puddin'.

I will mourn him for , Yugopotamian days.

And now I'm done.

Unfreeze one of his clones!

[Pumpkinator] Three minutes and counting.

You won't blow up the earth if you're my undead sl*ve!

♪♪

[bat squeaks]

One minute and counting.

Commence pumpkination transformation.

[metallic whirring]

[electricity buzzes]

[fire crackles]

, , .

He's gonna blow!

Wanda, help!

But I'm not a fairy anymore.

Without my fairy powers, I'm as useless as that tooth.

Wait a minute, if you become whatever

you're wearing, that's it.

Sweetie, wake up.

Holy molar!

I'm gonna have to give this kid more than a quarter.

[Wendell grunts]

Let me hold that for you, and that.

If you become whatever costume you're wearing.

♪♪

Yes!

Make a wish, make any wish!

I don't want everything real and scary.

I want Halloween the way it's supposed to be, fake and safe!

I'm a fairy again.

Eh, five more minutes. [snores]

[digital beeping]

Wow, all my stuff.

My ship, it's, like, way trashed.

And you, you're not some cool undead mummy head,

you're that stupid earth kid

I keep running into every time I come here!

Of course I'm not a mummy.

It was a costume, for Halloween!

Wait, you mean this planet isn't arming itself

for intergalactic w*r?

Nah, uh, yes, it is!

Timmy, what are you--

Shh!

I, Timmy Turner, supreme high supervisor,

declare w*r between Earth and Yugopotamia!

Mother, er, and Father!

Activate the teleporters and launch the P-b*mb!

He's alive!

Farewell, Vicky.

I will never forget you!

Dude, we've already had her cloned.

And thus, I move on.

[Mark] Launch the P-b*mb!

Let's get outta here.

Timmy, make a wish.

That thing could go at any minute!

[Timmy] That's right.

And remember, the Yugopotamians are idiots.

They think good is bad and ugly is pretty.

And their ultimate w*apon is candy.

The P is for piñata!

Whew, there goes my worst case scenario.

[piñata explodes]

♪♪

[kids laughing]

[everyone cheering]

I never want to see another piece

of candy again in my life.

[Vicky yells]

It burns!

It's raining candy!

And if my calculations are correct,

I project we will have an ample supply of candy for weeks.

[all] It's the greatest Halloween ever!

[drill whirs]

cavities in two weeks, that's a personal best.

Well, we might have rotted our teeth to the core,

But in the end we had fun,

and that's what Halloween is all about.

Yeah, it rained candy,

which is meteorologically impossible.

[all] It was the greatest Halloween of our lives!

Here ya go, children.

[Bender] Have some more sugar-coated sugar-flavored

pieces of sugar while you wait.

[kids] Cool!

You can't spell Halloween without ow in the middle.

[Cosmo crunches]

Ow!

[Cosmo] Ow!

♪♪

[metallic thumping]

[girl] Frederator!
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