1x03 - and the Bag's in the River

Let's break it down.


What does that give us? By mole? We're looking at 63%.

That is a big bite.

My next step's gotta be oxygen.

Oxygen: 26%.

There you have your water.

Carbon: 9%.

Carbon: 9.

For a total of 98%? - Right.

Nitrogen: 1.




That brings it to 99 and a quarter.

Which only leaves you with the trace elements down where the magic happens.

Oh, wait a minute.

What about calcium? Calcium's not a trace.

Got a whole skeleton to account for.

You would think, right? - Right.


Calcium is only .


What? That low? Seriously? Damn, I never would have thought that.

Okay, so where does iron fit in? Iron.

Wow, okay.



What? You can't have hemoglobin without iron.

Apparently, it don't take much.

No, it don't.

Go figure.








There we go.

So, the whole thing adds up to We are .

111958% shy.

Supposedly that's everything.

I don't know.

I just I just Just seems like something's missing, doesn't it? There got to be more to a human being than that.

I hate these shoes.

These shoes make me look like I should be changing bedpans, like I should be squeaking around bringing soup to some disgusting old person, then take the bus home to my 16 cats.

Then why are you wearing them? I like the support.

My arches happen to be extremely archy.


What's up? Hey, can you call me, like, in two minutes? Thanks.


Gotta go take this.

Female? Louis.

Not like it's any of your business, though.

Just be quick about it.

Oh, and, um, please don't say yo.

You can't know how much I hate that.

You missed a spot right there.

Should you be up on that ladder? You're more than welcome to take over for me up here.

I don't see why you don't just get Walt to do it.


There's an idea.

So, I'm working on this new short story, and there's this stoner character in it, and I'm trying to Well, know you, actually, let me back up.

You've smoked your fair share of pot in college, didn't you? I mean, you at least tried it.

Come on.

I perhaps tried it.

Why? Do you rember it having an effect on your mood, like changing it in any major way, or It made me more serious.

Really? Because I mostly rember it made me light-headed.

That's about it.

I was just wondering if it maybe could You know, it's just a character thing I'm stuck on.

Never mind.

Walter Jr.

's on pot? - What? No! No.

What would make you even - Where's he getting it from? - Marie.


Is it this Louis person? What are you going to do about this? You need to look me in the eye.

I am strictly asking about a story that I am writing, that's all.

Right hand to God, Walter Jr.

is not on pot.

Certainly not as far as I know.

Not as far as you know? Marie.

Look at me.

Hey, turn around and look at me.

This This here I wouldn't do this to my worst enemy.

This is degrading.

I'm sorry.

You hope I'll make it easy on you and just drop dead, don't you? Well, I won't.

So either kill me or let me go.

You don't have it in you, Walter.

How do you know my name? Jesse.

He told Emilio and me.

When he came by to sell your meth? So what? You threaten him, huh? - Did you beat it out of him? - Not even close.

What else did he tell you? Pretty much everything you can think of.

How you were his high school teacher.

How one time you taught about carbon dioxide by making grape soda in class.

How you have a son who's retarded, or in a wheelchair or something.

This shouldn't come across as some news flash.

That partner of yours he's got a big mouth.

Walter, I don't know what you think you're doing here, but trust me, this line of work doesn't suit you.

So I should just let you go, then? Just unlock you and adios, huh? I don't see what real choice you have if it's between that and cold-blooded murder.

Besides your real problem is sitting upstairs.

Occupied! Hey, yo, I'm trying to pinch one off in here! Just give me some privacy, would ya? What the hell, man? What are you doing, man? - You asshole! - You told him my name.

Says who? Him? - My name, where I work.

You told him about my son! - Don't touch me! - Damn junkie! - No, give me that! Too late! This is going down the toilet.

Watch it go! No, that's worth 40 grand, you stupid sh1t.

It's worth nothing when you smoke it all.

Get off the toilet.

Get off the toilet! Get off the toilet! Stop it! No! No way! What the hell do you think you're going? - Back off, man! Jesus! - We've got work to do! No, you got work to do.

I did my part.

You mean that obscenity that I spent the last two hours cleaning up? - That is your contribution? - Yo! Kiss my pink ass, man! I didn't ask for any of this! How am I supposed to live here now, huh? My whole house smells like toe cheese and dry cleaning.

Because you didn't follow my instructions! Oh, well, heil Hitler, bitch.

And let me tell you something else.

We flipped a coin, okay? You and me.

You and me! Coin flip is sacred.

Damn it.

Your job is waiting for you in that basement, as per the coin.

f*cking do it already.

That's what she said.

Yeah, I think we have some of those.

Yeah, you'll have to try them on.


7�, maybe.

I don't know.

Excuse me.

Do you have these in black? Anyway, so like I was saying, I went to the party the other night.

Yeah, Tony was there.

Hey, where have you been? I called you two hours ago.

Sorry, baby.

I'm kinda busy here.

What's up? Kind of a lot, actually, and it's a delicate subject, so I need you to focus and Hey, sit down! Sit down! Damn it, Hank.

Well, sorry, babe.

I'm just I'm kind of in the middle of something here.

Sit down! Sit your ass down! Comprende? You, too! Sit down! Si�ntete! I'm back, baby.

What's up? Walter Jr.

Yeah, what about him? Marijuana.

He's smoking it.


Excuse me.

His own mother seems to think so.

Skyler told you that? - She inferred it.

She inferred it, huh? She strongly inferred it, like "Doctor, my friend suffers from erectile dysfunction.

" Please, come on already.

I want you to talk to him.

Walt should.

Skyler, better yet.

She'll kick his butt up and down the block.

I think it ought to be you.

You know, tell him some horror stories.

Maybe show him some autopsy pictures.

What, autopsy for a pot overdose? Come on.

I don't know, baby.

It's just that, you know I figure his dad should be the one doing this thing, don't you think? Hank, he respects you.

Yeah, all right.

Well, listen, I'll swing by their place after work.


Scare him straight.

Where's my sugar? Excuse me, ma'am.


You need to be wearing footies before you try those on.

I'm extremely clean.

Yeah, well, I'd really appreciate it.

Hey, sorry about that.

Yeah, I'll check.

You know, I hid a pair for you last week, gray ones, but my manager found them, and we had to put them back on the floor.

What do you think? About what? This look like a nice place? No, not really.

Think you'd like to live here? No.

You sure about that? - Yeah, pretty sure.

I thought we were going to Cold Stone Creamery.

Well, a little detour.

Figured we'd come over here and check out how the other half lives.

This here's what we call the Crystal Palace.

Now you know who lives in the palace? Meth-heads.

Nasty, skeevy, meth-heads who'd sell their grandma's coochie for a hit.

Oh, you think that's funny? That's funny, huh?


Well, let me tell you something.

Every last one of these miserable wastes of skin got started how? - How do you think they got started?

I don't know.

What do you think it was they were all doing before they graduated to shooting meth in their?

A gateway drug.

That's what we call it.

Dollars to doughnuts, and I sh1t you not, that gateway drug was marijuana.

Every time.

You understand?

Um, yeah.

So why are you telling me this?

'Cause I love you, you little b*st*rd.

Hey, I was young once, you know? The world's a messed up place, you know? You know, there was this this one time when Hey! Hey! Hey, you! Yeah, you, princess! Get over here! Don't make me get out of the car! Check this out.

See what I'm talking about.

I ain't holdin', okay? - Did I say you could open your mouth? And hands of the car.

Other side.

Go around the other side.

Talk to my friend here.

What's your name, sweetheart? - Wendy.

Wendy, huh? How much you charge for a windy, Wendy? - I ain't doing him.

He's a kid.

Jesus, was that my question? Don't think so hard.

It's gonna hurt your brain.

Are you on the pipe or the needle? Nothing.


Show us your teeth, huh? Come on, Wendy, let's see those pearly whites.

Oh, God.

See that? Pipe.


Big time.

Big time on the pipe.

You got something you wanna ask Wendy? - No, not really.

You ever smoke anything else, Wendy? Sausages don't count.


Tell my friend here how you got started.

You probably used to be, what, like, a Girl Scout - or probably sang in a church choir? - What are you, like, handicapped? He broke his leg playing football.

He's a QB.

Got an arm like a howitzer.

So tell me, Wendy, do you smoke pot? - Why, you got some? - All right.

Hoof it.

Get lost.

Get out of here.

Hey, fair warning! Next time I'm gonna bust you! So what do you think? Cool.

Shut the door.

Lock it.

Lock it.

Who the hell was that? A cop and some football player messing with me.

They ask about me? Huh? No.

I think they just wanted pot.

Oh, sh1t.

I left my root beer.


Hey, sweetie, it's me.

Listen, I'm so sorry.

The time, it just completely got away from me there.

My fault.

My fault.

Bogdan just kept me here late, you know, doing some inventory, and I've I should have just You know, you're right.

I gotta learn to say, you know, no! But, um Sky? You there? You're at the car wash? Yeah.

I seriously doubt that, since you quit two weeks ago.

I called Bogdan, looking for you.

Quite an earful he gave me.

Listen Listen, I'll come home, and we'll talk about it.

I don't think so, Walt.


Wherever you are why don't you just stay there tonight? Skyler? Skyler? Skyler? Walter! Kind of hungry down here! Damn.

I didn't think you were coming back.

How long was I out? I've never seen someone knock themselves out just by coughing.

You breathe in the same thing you used on me? I've got lung cancer.

I'll go make you another sandwich.

It's safe.

There's no poison.

Yeah? Because that'd be the way to do it if you're gonna do it.

I suppose it would.

I mean, you being a chemist and all.

So that name Krazy-8 Do I really have to call you that? I mean, no offense, but don't you have a real name? Domingo.


That's "Sunday," right? I'd rather call you that, if you don't mind.

Yeah, whatever.

I can't say I ever liked it much.

So, Domingo are you from around town here or someplace else? Walter, you getting to know me is not gonna make it easier for you to kill me.

Not that I mind, you understand.

You know, you keep telling me that I don't have it in me.

Well, maybe.

But maybe not.

I sure as hell am looking for any reason not to.

I mean, any good reason at all.

Sell me.

Tell me what it is.

I guess I'd start off by promising that, if you let me go, I won't come after you.

That you'd be safe.

I guess I'd say what happened between us never happened.

And what's best for both parties is we forget all about it.

But you know that anybody in my situation would make promises like that.

And though in my case they happen to be true, you'd never know for sure.

So what else can I tell you? I don't know.

But you gotta convince me.

And you're going nowhere until you do.

Hey, yeah.


I'm from here in town, man.


Born and bred.

Never left.

Studied business administration over at UNM, got my degree.

Really? Does that come in handy in the drug trade? It doesn't hurt.

I was gonna study music originally.

Maybe even try out for Oberlin or Berklee.

My pops talked me out of it.

Said there was no money in it unless I wind up some bullshit rock star, and I didn't have a snowball chance of that, man.

What does your dad do? He owns Tampico Furniture over on Menaul.

Wait a minute.

I know that place.

Wait a minute.

That's That's that They used to have those late-night Those stupid commercials.

Yeah, that's him.

He's been doing 'em for over 30 years.

Wait a minute.

How did it go? It was, uh Wait, wait, wait.

It was Don't let shopping Strain your brain-o Just sing this short refrain-o Our forniture is bueno Tampico is the name-o.

Pretty moronic.

But what can you do? It did tend to stick in your head.

Did you write that, being the musician of the family? Hell, no, man.

It was my crazy Uncle Alex.

He sings it at bars, trying to pick up on women.

In his mind, it's like saying, "I wrote Stairway to Heaven.

" Wait a minute.

Tampico Furniture.

I think when my son was born that we bought his bassinet there.

We don't sell bassinets there.

It's more of a specialty item.

We did use to sell cribs.


Well, a crib, then, okay? Crib.


No, I remember that.

In fact, I remember recognizing your dad from those commercials.

Although he wasn't anywhere near as friendly in real life.

Yeah, no sh1t.

Did he try selling you that extended warranty? Yeah, he probably did.

And I was probably dumb enough to buy it.

Yeah, that was his big thing.

You ask him for a glass of water, he'll tell you you need an extended warranty on the ice.

So did you work there, too? - Only my whole life, up until the day I said "f*ck you" and quit.

So, uh would you have been? It was after school.

Trust me, I was there.

Might have even helped ring you up.

You and your extended warranty on the crib.

Small world.

That it is.

The paths we take, huh? You Jesse know you got cancer? No one but you.

Not your family? No.

Why not? Not a conversation I'm even remotely ready to have.

That's why you're cooking meth? You want to leave money for your family.

Hell, I'll write you a check right now if you let me go.

Like I said, Walter, this line of work doesn't suit you, man.

Get out before it's too late.

I don't know what to do.


You do.

I'll get the key.

No, don't do this.

Don't do this.

Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? You're doing the right thing, Walter.

Do you want to So you're not angry? How do you mean? Angry? No.

Live and let live, man.

That's very understanding.

Whatever, man.

I just want to go home.

Me, too.

Unlock me, Walter.

The moment I do are you gonna stick me with that broken piece of plate? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Hello? Anybody down here? Everybody! I need you all to take your seats.

Settle down, please.

Thank you.

I understand that Mr.

White is feeling a little under the weather this morning, so you folks are going to have to be making do with me today.

And we are going to be watching a very interesting video on carbon.

Very important stuff.

So what do you think? - It's a cook site.

Gotta be.

Nobody came way the hell out here just to buy.

Fire there could have started by accident.

Don't look like it was meant to destroy evidence.

Got a couple of Dually tracks headed away towards the road.

So, what, they're in some kind of camper/lab.

They accidentally start a fire, and everybody F.


's? Yeah, why not? Except why would that little hair-gelled sh1t leave his car? I-yi-yi, Gomie! It's a culture in decline.

It's a rich and vibrant culture.

It's a car that jumps up and down.

What the hell? You people used to be conquistadors, for Christ's sake.

Smells like a Drakkar Noir factory in here.

I already searched it.

You're wasting your time.

Give it up.

If this here's a trap car, it's gonna take more than your dumb white ass to find it.

You are talking to the trap car master, my friend.

I'm Rain Man counting his toothpicks.

Yeah, you're like Rain Man.


Yeah, baby.

Hello, Zippy.

Asshole! I'd say that looks like meth, but it's it's too damn white.

You know what I'm thinking, Gomie.

Somebody croaked our snitch.

Hey, agents! You got something? I don't know.

Just Doesn't it seem like something's missing? What about the soul? The soul.

There's nothing but chemistry here.


There's something I have to tell you.