2x01 - Seven Thirty-Seven

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Scene: Junkyard

Tuco: What is this? It's blue.

Walter: We used a different chemical process, but it is every bit as pure.

Jesse: May be blue, but it's the b*mb.

Tuco: Tight, tight, tight! Yeah. Blue, yellow, pink! Whatever man, just keep bringing me that. You're all right. We're gonna make a lot of money together.

No Doze: Just remember who you're working for.

Tuco: What did you say?

No Doze: I'm just saying, they gotta know that they're working for you.

Tuco: Like they don't already know that? Are you saying that they're stupid?

No Doze: No, I'm just saying.

Tuco: Oh yeah, so you're not saying that they're stupid? So, I don't understand. Are you saying that I'm stupid? Is that it? Is that what you're doing?

Walter: Tuco. Why don't we all just relax?

Tuco: Heisenberg says, "relax. " I'm relaxed. I'm relaxed. I'm relaxed Damn, man! Look at that! Look! Yeah. That's messed up. Okay, Heisenberg! Next week.

Walter: Adjusting for inflation. Good state college, adjusting for inflation, say $45,000 a year. Two kids, four years of college, $360,000. Remaining mortgage on the home, 170,000. Home equity line, 30,000. That's 137,000. Cost of living, food, clothing, utilities, say two grand a month, and that should put a dent in it, anyway. 24k a year, provide for say, 10 years. That's $240,000. Plus 360, plus 137. 737. $737,000. That’s what I need. That is what I need. You and I both clear about 70 grand a week, that's only 10 1/2 more weeks. Call it 11. 11 more drug deals and always in a public place from now on. It's do-able. Definitely do-able.

Tuco: Heisenberg! What the hell? What's wrong with him? What's the matter with you? You can't take an ass-b*ating, bitch?

Gonzo: Damn, Tuco.

Tuco: Shut up.

Walter: There's no pulse.

Tuco: Do something.

Walter: Do something? He needs an ambulance. He needs a hospital.

Tuco: Do something! You're smart, right? Do that thing!

Walter: No, there's nothing.

Tuco: Breathe into his mouth.

Walter: No, they don't teach that anymore. It doesn't work.

Tuco: You, come here! Breathe into his mouth! Get rid of him.

Gonzo: We can't do him like that, man. Buzzards and rats and all that. I'm just saying, you know? It's not very Christian.

Tuco: It sounds like arguing. Gonzo, hurry up! What's the big hurry?

Walter: I just think we're done here.

Tuco: You're done.

Scene: White Residence

Skyler: Hey, I'm back here! Hello? Didn't you hear me?

Walter: Hey.

Skyler: Hey, yourself. What, you can't answer when I'm calling you? Are you okay?

Walter: Great.

Skyler: New hat? I got some grilled chicken at Albertsons. You want me to heat some up for you? Where've you been? Do you know what, I've got all this crap on my face. Let me clean up first, okay? You know, Walter Junior's gonna be home any minute, so enough. Hold up. Stop it. Stop it! I know you're scared, and you're angry, and you're frustrated. And I know none of this is fair. But you cannot take it out on me.

Walter Jr: Hey, I'm home!

Scene: Jesse’s House

Jesse: We are dead. Dead, man! Muerto! Or muerte! However the hell you...

Walter: This is conjecture.

Jesse: This is conjecture?

Walter: Yes. And conjecture isn't helping.

Jesse: My conjecture isn't helping. Fine. Facts then. Fact A: My phone rang, like, eight times last night. Dead air, hang ups every time. Second fact: Like 3 in the morning I saw that black caddy of his cruising my neighborhood. No headlights.

Walter: No if he wanted to k*ll us, he would've done it at the junkyard.

Jesse: What is that? Conjecture? Are you basing that on that he's got a normal, healthy brain or something? Did you not see him b*at a dude to death for, like, nothing? And that way, that way he just kept staring at us, saying, "You're done." "You're done"? You wanna know what that means? I will tell you what that means. That means exactly how it sounds, yo! All right. We are witnesses. We are loose ends. Right now, Tuco's thinking, "Yeah, hey, they cook good meth, but can I trust them?" What happens when he decides no?

Walter: No.

Jesse: It's him or us! You understand? It is him or us!

Walter: How would you do it?

Jesse: What do you mean how would I do it?

Walter: Specifically, how would you do it? Step by step.

Jesse: Alright. Say we set up one last sale, this is providing he doesn't decide to waste us before then. Every time we bring in a new batch, he always tests the product, right? So, as his head is down you know, just giving it a snort, pop pop pop!

Walter: Pop pop pop? So three sh*ts?

Jesse: Three sh*ts, or, I don't know, two.

Walter: But is it two, or is it three?

Jesse: Two would probably work, I guess, yeah.

Walter: Two sh*ts in the chest? Or two sh*ts in the face?

Jesse: Man, come on.

Walter: I'm just trying to understand how this works. All right. We'll put a pin in that. But by now, the big guy, Gonzo he's probably coming at you, right? So you turn toward him, how many sh*ts for him? He's a big guy, right? How many sh*ts does that take?

Jesse: I don't know. Three sh*ts.

Walter: Okay, three sh*ts. Tuco and Gonzo. Two men down. Now, is there anyone else there? I mean, Tuco is usually with someone else, right? Maybe even a couple of guys. His dealers, his posse. All right. So we'll put a pin in that one, too. Now, at this point, how many sh*ts have been fired? You've gotta be running low. How many b*ll*ts does that g*n take? How can you suggest that we k*ll a man, and you can't even open the g*n? It's not that easy, is it?

Jesse: Hey, man, Walt, you did it.

Walter: Yeah.

Scene: Hank and Marie’s Kitchen

Marie: Call Skyler.

Walter: Hey, there. You've reached Walt, Skyler, and Walter Junior. We can't come to the phone right now, so please leave us a message.

Marie: Well, aren't you an early bird, up and out already. The big lug and I are gonna go try that new restaurant over by UNM tonight. So let me know if you guys wanna hang. Listen to me. "Hang." Walt Junior would be proud. I know the lingo. I'm still hip. It's Chinese, the restaurant. I don't know. I just feel like Chinese. Do you think that people in China ever just feel like American? You know, and they go out and get little take-out boxes with mashed potatoes and meatloaf, and try and figure out how to use the little knives and forks? I wonder if that ever happens. All right. I'll let you go. So call me.

Scene: Driveway

Hank: Skyler didn't pick up?

Marie: Obviously she's not home.

Hank: What was that about Chinese?

Marie: Dinner tonight. That new place.

Hank: How late they serve?

Marie: I don't know.

Hank: You got Dave at 8.

Marie: Not tonight.

Hank: Yeah, you do. Remember?

Marie: No, that's Thursday. I'm pretty sure that's Thursday.

Hank: Remember how, at the last minute, they changed it around for you? They were gonna charge us a penalty. Look, baby, you only got six more sessions.

Marie: And I'm doing them, Hank. I said I would do them, and I'm doing them. I can't help it if you got your days of the week wrong.

Neighbor Kid: Look out! Sorry, Mr. Schrader!

Hank: Look, it's you know, it's just I think Dave is really helping you. Sorry about that. She's...

Scene: Police Station

Prisoner: Hey! Hey, where's my phone call? Ow!

Steve: Hits two in the sand, two in the forest. And then he says, "Give me a four."

Hank: Gomez. What do you got for me? Come on. Chop-chop.

Steve: Good morning to you, too. APD sent this over. This was about eight or ten days ago. You know Southwest Aniline, right?

Hank: Yeah, off the 25? Whole place smells like feet.

Steve: This is them. Check this out.

Hank: Holy sh*t. What was that?

Steve: Thermite. So they tell me. Burns about 5,000 degrees. Kind of stuff you see in a James Bond movie.

Hank: Nice! Guys who know their trade. Wait. I take that back. What, they didn't think about stealing a hand truck? Try rolling it, morons! It's a barrel. It rolls. Jesus. So what'd they get?

Steve: Methylamine, 30 gallons.

Hank: P2P? They're cooking old-school biker meth. Who the hell still does that?

Steve: All the old-timers I know are either dead or in prison.

Hank: Pseudo's in short supply, so these two make do by changing up the formula. That and the thermite I'd say these two know their chemistry.

Steve: But ranking them as burglars?

Hank: sh*t! I wouldn't trust these two to break into the Special Olympics. They got book learnin' but no street skills.

Steve: Maybe they're college kids. Chem students trying to make a big score.

Hank: Maybe. I tell you, 30 gallons of precursor. That big a score, they're gonna wind up stepping on some toes. Tell you what, they better pray it's us who catches up to them and not those boys from Juarez.

Scene: White Residence

Skyler: Your daughter wants out.

Walter: Hey, there. You've reached Walt, Skyler, and Walter Junior. We can't come to the phone right now, so please leave us a message.

Marie: Hey, it's me. I thought I'd try you earlier this time, before you go out and, you know, face the day. I'm realizing now it probably takes you a little longer to get to the phone, owing to the extra baby weight...

Walter: Hey, sweetie.

Skyler: Walt, did you spend the entire night out here?

Walter: No, no. Well, not all of it. Oh, yeah. I did have a touch of my stomach, you know? I knew I was gonna be up and down, so I just didn't want to wake you.

Scene: Jesse’s House

Walter: How would he know where I live?

Jesse: You're sure it was Tuco?

Walter: Who else could it be? Did you ever tell him my name, where I live or anything? What about Gonzo, or the dead one? Did you tell them anything about me?

Jesse: I didn't say jack! Tuco must've put out, like, you know, feelers. He's got his ways and means, yo. Sources, all right? He's closing in.

Walter: And what happens when he finds out that my brother-in-law is a DEA agent? Oh, God. What happens then?

Jesse: Look, it's got five b*ll*ts. I finally figured out how to. Look, I just finally figured it out. Say we get a second g*n, right, for you. I mean, don't we, like, double our chances? I mean, mathematically.

Walter: I've got a better idea.

Jesse: Thank God! All right. What is it, Mr. White? Lay it on me.

Walter: Beans.

Jesse: Beans?

Walter: They're castor beans.

Jesse: So what are we gonna do with them? Are we just gonna grow a magic beanstalk, huh? Climb it and escape?

Walter: We are going to process them into ricin.

Jesse: Rice and beans?

Walter: Ricin. It's an extremely effective poison. It's toxic in small doses. Also fairly easy to overlook during an autopsy. All right. So...don't touch them.

Jesse: Wait. Seriously, you can get poison from beans?

Walter: Back in the late '70s, ricin was used to assassinate a Bulgarian journalist. The KGB modified the tip of an umbrella to inject a tiny pellet into the man's leg. And we're talking about an amount not much bigger than the head of a pin.

Jesse: But it k*lled him?

Walter: Now we just need to figure out a delivery device, and then no more Tuco.

Scene: White Residence

Hank: How you doing? Is this a bad time?

Skyler: No, come on in.

Hank: I should've called first. I'm sorry.

Skyler: What can I do for you?

Hank: Maybe we ought to sit down first?

Skyler: I don't know, Hank. Depends on whether or not this is gonna be about Marie. Did she send you?

Hank: Hell, no. She's barely even talking to me. That's why I'm here, okay? Self-preservation. Big time. Look, I know you gals have your ups and downs. I get it. And I need to get involved like I need a second hole in my ass. But if you could do me this huge favor and just return her phone calls.

Skyler: I don't think I'm quite ready to do that yet. You know, communication. Communication, right? The back, the forth.

Hank: Come on. Sky, do this for me, please. You can yell at her. Just call her back.

Skyler: Marie is a shoplifter, Hank. That's right. That "baby tiara" she gave me at the shower? She stole it from Gertrude Zachary's. I almost got arrested when I went back to return it. And Marie won't admit it. She won't apologize.

Hank: Yeah. If I thought you were gonna return it, I would have never, you know.

Skyler: You knew about this?

Hank: We're working on it. I mean, she's got this therapist, Dave. I mean, Dave is really good. Dave's good. But it's an ongoing process, Sky, and we have gotta be understanding. You know? I mean, we've gotta, you know. We've gotta support the sh*t out of her.

Skyler: Do we? I need support. Me! The almost 40-year-old pregnant woman, with the surprise baby on the way. And the husband with the lung cancer who disappears for hours on end, and I don't know where he goes, and he barely even speaks to me anymore. With the moody son who does the same thing. And the overdrawn checking account. And the lukewarm water heater that leaks rusty-looking crap and is rotting out the floor of the utility closet and we can't even afford to fix it. But, oh, I see! Now I'm supposed to go, "Hank, please.What can I possibly do to further benefit my spoiled, kleptomaniac bitch sister who somehow always manages to be the center of attention! Cause God knows she's the one with the really important problems!"

Scene: Jesse’s Basement

Hank: Want me to take a look at that utility closet?

Jesse: That's all it takes?

Walter: That's all it takes.

Jesse: So, now what?

Walter: Now, we arrange our next meet, in a public place this time. Nice and safe. Business as usual. And, uh, after we sell him our usual four pounds, then we'll pull this out. "By the way, Tuco, the new meth formula we've been working on. Would you care to try it?"

Jesse: Okay, well, what's new about it? Just in case he asks. What do we say?

Walter: I don't know. Whatever you want. It gets the user insanely high. I mean, how much salesmanship do we really need? That degenerate snorts anything he gets his hands on.

Jesse: Okay, well, we'll just put a pin in that, then.

Walter: Anyway, within the next 48 hours, maybe 72, it'll look like natural causes.

Jesse: What, like a heart att*ck?

Walter: Or the flu, maybe. His associates won't know any differently, and we'll be in the clear.

Jesse: Not if Tuco kills us first.

Walter: Just keep it down. Hey, Hank. What's up?

Hank: Hey, buddy. You been home yet?

Walter: Why?

Hank: Well 'cause I really screwed up. I apologize in advance for the earful you're gonna hear from Skyler. I'm just trying to get her and Marie talking again. Big mistake. I should have just kept out of it.

Walter: Yeah, well, okay.

Hank: Me and my big mouth, I guess.

Walter: Well, that happens. It's no problem. No worries.

Hank: Well, thanks, man. I appreciate that. Jesus, the wives, huh?

Walter: Hank, unfortunately, I really...

Hank: Oh, yeah, man, don't let me keep you. Actually, I'm at work, so you wanna see something really freaky?

Walter: Well, I would, but...

Hank: Seriously, Walt, this is, you gotta check out this crime scene me and Gomie are at. Just a second. Hang on, hang on. It should be coming through right now. Guess it could be worse, huh? We could be having a day like these two. A couple of local bulletheads. Guess they pissed off the wrong guy. Walt, you there?

Scene: Living Room

Walter: I'm taking this.

Jesse: No! It's my g*n! I need it!

Walter: No, you don't! Not if you leave town. Get out of here. Tuco k*lling Gonzo means he's coming after us next. I've gotta get home. My family.

Scene: Walter and Skyler’s Bathroom

Walter: Where's Walter Junior?

Skyler: Having dinner at Louis's house. Supposedly. All day, I've had the whole house to myself. So where have you been this time?

Scene: Nursery

Skyler: Walt, will you come in here and talk to me please?

Walter: I'll be right there.

Scene: Junkyard

Hank: Yeah, I recognize these two knob jobs. Known associates of a psychotic piece of sh*t named Tuco Salamanca.

Steve: Guess he got tired of associating.

Hank: Do you mind if I get in there?

Agent: No, go ahead.

Hank: The big one smells fresher. You guys find a death wound? I see lots of blood, but no b*llet holes.

Agent: You done taking pictures? All right. Let's lay 'em out flat.

Hank: Let me get out of your way here, man.

Steve: Oh, snap!

Hank: Damn, Ricky. Leave something for the coroner. Oh, this is beautiful. Hey, someone call Jay Leno. We've got the world's dumbest criminal. This guy wasn't m*rder*d. Look. Big Stuff, here, was moving this guy's body, when the stack must have shifted. Crushed his arm, pinned him here, and he bled out!

Steve: Poetic justice. Oh, I love it.

Hank: Don't you just? Get a photo of me with this guy, all right? Old Stumpy, here. Make sure you get the stump in there.

Scene: Walter and Skyler’s Bathroom

Skyler: Would you talk to me, please?

Walter: I don't know where to begin.

Scene: Driveway

Walter: What the hell are you doing here?

Tuco: Get in. Get in. Let's go.