02x09 - Will the Real Des Courtney Please Stand Up?

[bunniefuu]

[Narrator] Previously, on Republic of Doyle.

[Des] I think I smell toast!

[Tinny] You can't half-ass this kind of thing, or Jake'll never see you as more than a little brother.

[Jake] I need you and Tinny to get down here right away.

[Des] Whatever you need. I got your back, bro.

[Jake] Why do you keep calling me bro? I know that you're always in my way, and, uh, you're always getting on my nerves...

[Des] Yeah?

[Jake] You don't need to be like me. You can do much better.

[Mayor Clarke] It's a changing city and you need to make moves to protect her, and I think a guy like you would be a great asset for the team.

[Leslie] Are you messing with him?

[Jake] I think he offered me a job.

[Leslie] I can't stop thinking about us. Why are we hiding from the truth?

[Walter] Allison Jenkins, this is Jake Doyle.

Allison's the new Crown attorney!

[Jake] Of course you are.

[Allison] Let's not confuse our personal relationship with what's going on here.

[engine revving]

[Leslie] Get outta the car! Now!

[motor running]

[Cop] He's got a g*n!

[Leslie] Hold your fire!

[Cop] He's got a g*n...

[Leslie] Hold your fire! Put the w*apon down now! Now!

Turn around!

Slowly!

Take off the mask!

♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ oh, yeah ♪
♪ oh, yeah ♪
♪ oh, yeah ♪
♪ oh, yeah-e-yeah-e-yeah-e-yeah♪
♪ oh, yeah-e-yeah-e-yeah-e-yeah♪
♪ oh, yeah ♪

[Jake] You stole my car? What the hell were you doing with my car? What were you doing with my car!

[Des] I was uh... I was just takin' it f-for a ride, I was...

I was checking... I was gonna go check the gas pedals...

[Jake] I'm gonna k*ll ya!

[Walter] Ah! Settle down!

[Jake] I swear to God!

[Leslie] Jake!

[Des] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am.

[Jake] What the hell is wrong with you?

[Des] I'm fine. I'm sorry, I'm fine.

[Walter] How about we just go over what happened, okay?

[Des] I don't know, I don't know. I wish I did, I'm sorry, I do! But I really don't remember, I don't remember.

[Walter] So let's just take it from the top, okay?

[Des] Okay, okay. Uh...Okay, it's just uh...

[Jake] Des!

[Des] I uh...

[Walter] I'd like a minute with my client, please. Alone?

[Jake] Think. Hard.

[Walter] Have a seat.

[Jake] What's going on?

[Leslie] I need to show you something. Caine's convenience on Duckworth, 2 hours ago.

[Jake] Is that Des? Wait, is he wearing a S.C.U.B.A. mask?

[Leslie] It gets worse.

[Jake] What the hell is he doing?

[Leslie] Armed robbery by the looks of it.

[Jake] That's not Des. It can't be.

[Leslie] It is, Jake. I'm sorry, but Des is in big trouble.

[Des] I... I think I was, uh... I think I w... I think I was skateboarding. I remember being on my skateboard.

[Jake] Where?

[Des] D... wha? Uh, I dunno.

Downtown, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno.

[Walter] Uh, okay. What then?

[Des] I got nothin'. I got nothin'. Nothin'. H-honestly, boys, it's like somebody erased my brain cells. Like I wan... I wanna, I wanna find out, I want to get there, but I can't.

[Jake] Are you drunk?

[Des] No. I don't think.

[Jake] You are in a lot of trouble. Honestly. I am trying to help you, so you have to think. Think you can do that?

[Des] Okay.

[Jake] Think!

[Des] H... w-wait wait wait!

Men! Men! Naked men! A bunch of naked men, everywhere!

[Jake] What?

[Walter] Hey, don't judge.

[Des] No, no, no, I remember something about a naked guy, a bunch of naked guys. Does, oh... Does that make any sense?

[Jake] "I'se the guys"?

[Des] What?

[Walter] "I'se the guys"! It's a male strip club.

[Des] I was at a male strip club?

[Jake] I dunno, you tell us!

[Des] Ooh...

[Leslie] I'm sorry, Jake, but Des, we're gonna have to process ya.

[Des] What? No! N-n-n-n-no, n-n-n-n-no! Jake, you gotta get me outta here! No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Whatever I did, whatever I did I'm sorry!

[Cop] Hey, take it easy!

[Leslie] It's not good, but that video footage is a slam dunk for the crown. Maybe he remembers fine, maybe he's just not talking.

[Jake] They'll eat 'em alive in jail, Leslie. Can you keep him here at the station in holding?

As a favour, to me?

[Leslie] As long as I can.

[sighing]

[Leslie] I'll keep you at the station as long as I can. Good luck.

[door locking]

[Leslie] I'm sorry, but for what it's worth, I'll do anything I can to help, okay?

[Des] Okay.

[Jake] He must be drunk. I mean, he can barely stand up.

[Tinny] Missus is giving him a bit of a pounding. This is so weird. It does not feel like Des.

[Mal] No, it doesn't.

[Rose] Hey, who's that guy?

[Mal] That's a customer. Could be a witness?

[Jake] Yeah, but he took off right away. He didn't even make a statement.

[Rose] So what do we do now?

[Jake] We've got 24 hours before they ship Des to the real pen.

[Tinny] We've gotta help him!

Poppy? Jake?

[Rose] Oh my God! We gotta call his family and let them know what happened!

[Mal] Does he have a family?

[Jake] Has anyone ever met Des' parents? His friends? Do we even know where the guy lives?

[Tinny] Kinda figured he lived at our house.

[Rose] Oh, hold on a sec, guys.

He gave me an address when he filled out his t4. Isn't this strange? We've been working with him all this time and we don't know anything about him.

[Mal] We really don't know anything about the boy.

[Rose] Poor little guy.

[Mal] Do we have any leads?

[Jake] Well, just one. I actually think you're gonna really enjoy getting into it.

[Jake] So, do you recognise him?

[Lance] Oh yeah, he was here.

Cute little guy, wearin' a S.C.U.B.A. mask.

[Mal] You didn't find that odd?

[Lance] Well, no. It's not the first time I've seen something like that here. Anyway, he comes in here and he gets his picture taken with one of the guys, and then he pulls out a g*n. Starts waving it around. Tries to rob the place.

[Jake] So what, you hit him then? Gave 'em the black eye?

[Lance] Hit him? No.

[laughing]

[lance] I didn't hit anybody. He hit himself, with the g*n!

[Mal] And you didn't call the police?

[Lance] Our customers are not the type that really enjoy having the cops around, you know?

[Jake] So then what happened?

[Lance] He hit himself, went down, and then a guy comes in and just drags him outta here.

[Mal] Don't suppose you could give us a description of this other guy?

[Lance] Young? Normal-looking I guess? I don't know. All the guys that come in here start to look the same to me, y'know?

[Jake] All right Lance, listen.

If you think of anything else, you let me know, all right?

[Lance] Thanks, man. But Jake, listen. Remind Walter that he still owes us $400 from that Christmas party.

[Jake] Absolutely. It's a long story.

[Mal] Sure. So Des had a friend with him? That's news.

[Jake] So what, he and his friend are on the town, they get a little wild...

[Mal] Waving g*ns around.

[Jake] They get thrown outta the bar, and look what's directly across the street.

[Mal] It's a convenience store.

[Mal] That Des tried to rob.

[Tinny] Am I supposed to be impressed by this?

[Des] Hey! Hey, you came to see me!

[Tinny] Are you okay?

[Des] Y-yeah, yeah, I guess.

[Tinny] Look at me. What happened?

[Des] I swear, Tinny, I haven't got a clue.

[Tinny] Are you on something?

Did you take something last night?

[Des] No, no, I swear. I-I don't even like cold pills. They make my teeth itchy.

[sighing]

[Tinny] You had a g*n, Des.

Where'd you get it? Who were you with? You're hiding something. What is it you're not telling here?

[Des] Nothing. I'm not. I'm... nothing. I-I swear.

[Tinny] I looked it up. You could get 10 years for this!

This could ruin your entire life!

[Des] Well, no, no, no. That won't happen, because the charges will never stick.

[Tinny] They have you on tape.

[Des] It could be a fake, could be a fake. It could be Photoshop. My head on someone else's body. That'll never hold up in court. I'm k*lling myself, I'm k*lling myself, I keep... I keep trying to remember what... Could've happened, w-what I... what I did, and if I did it and I got nothin'. I got nothin', it's just... it's just a blank.

[sighing]

[Tinny] Well, you better get it un-blanked or we're in big trouble here!

[Des] I just keep thinking that maybe I did it because...

Because I liked it. Like, what if I do it again? I mean maybe, it's in my blood. Maybe, I'm a criminal mastermind.

[Tinny] Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Give me your hand.

[Des] What?

[Tinny] Hug me.

[Des] What?

[Tinny] Just, give me a hug.

[Des] What're you doing? What're you... what're you doing? Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! Ow! No needles no needles no needles! Ow, ow, ow, ow!

[sighing]

[Tinny] Des, you're not gonna last 2 minutes in the real jail!

[Shirley] Second he walked in the store I could tell he was trouble. I mean, I had a customer in here. He didn't care. He just waltzes on in.

[Jake] Was there anyone else with him, like a friend maybe?

[Shirley] No, he was by himself, and he was as high as a kite.

Anyway, soon as he pulls out the g*n, I press the button, 911.

[Mal] Then what happened?

[Shirley] "Cops are on the way,"

I tell him. Then he starts falling all over the chip rack, so I, uh... Hit 'em with the broom.

[Mal] Then he went outside?

[Shirley] Yeah, except the van, it took off. It left him standing there on the sidewalk.

[Jake] What van?

[Shirley] The getaway van? I know. Some friend, right? So, your buddy, he dodges across the street and he jumps into this blue muscle car, takes off just as the cops arrive. There's a big chase. Totally cool! Whole time that guy, he never took off his s.C.U.B.A. Mask! Not once!

Madness.

[Jake] All right. Thanks a lot.

[Mal] Thanks, Shirley.

[Shirley] No trouble.

[Simon] It's just so great to see you. I mean in person. Not just talking on the phone.

[Allison] It's nice. It's true.

[Simon] I can't help but think maybe we made a... a wrong move somewhere. Maybe I made the wrong move.

[Mal] So Des had a friend with him, goes into the store, but he takes off before Des finishes the job?

[Jake] So, we got to find this "friend."

[Mal] Hey. Who's that with your lady lawyer friend?

[Jake] I dunno. I'll meet ya upstairs.

[Allison] Just give me a minute, Simon, okay? I'll be right back.

Hey.

[Jake] Hi. Everything okay?

[Allison] Yeah, everything's fine.

[Jake] Who's dapper Dan over there?

[Allison] Just, uh, something I need to sort out. Look, I didn't think that you were gonna be here. I'm sorry. I should've told you. I just... Relax. It's fine.

[Jake] That doesn't sound good.

[Allison] Look, it's none of your bus... it's just personal to me, and I can handle it. I just... I need a little bit of time, okay?

[Jake] Okay.

[Allison] I heard about Des. I'm sorry.

[Jake] Yeah, um... did you get a chance to see that surveillance tape?

[Allison] Yeah.

[Jake] There has to be an explanation for all of this.

[Allison] I gotta go. Okay, I'll see you tonight?

[kissing]

[Jake] So according to Des, he was skateboarding. Somewhere.

[Mal] Yeah, and then he turns up at the male strip club.

[Jake] Along the way he picks up a friend, a van, a s.C.U.B.A.

Mask, a snorkel, and a g*n.

[Mal] So, bit of a gap there.

[Jake] Him and his friend, right? They go to the male strip club for a good time, they get thrown out, then they go across the street to the corner store where um, the menacing store clerk kicks Des' ass.

[Mal] And then unknown friend panics, takes off in the van.

[Jake] Leaving Des to escape in my car. None of this makes sense.

[Tinny] Uncle Jake, can I talk to you for a sec?

[Jake] Yeah.

[Tinny] I did a drug test on Des.

[Jake] You did a what?

[Tinny] My friend works at the lab, it's not important. The point is, she found ketamine in his blood.

[Jake] Ketamine? What's ketamine?

[Tinny] "Special k." It's a street drug. A lot of kids are doing it these days.

[Jake] What, you think Des is on dr*gs?

[Tinny] I gotta say, it doesn't add up, but who knows?

[Jake] Crap.

[sighing]

[Tinny] Maybe... Maybe we have no idea who Des is.

[Rose] Hey guys. I don't quite know how to say this, but, um...

Des' address is bogus.

[Jake] Bogus? What do you mean?

[Rose] I just went there. It's deserted and boarded up like no one's lived there in years. Not only that, his health card number, his driver's licence and his social insurance number are all fake.

[Mal] What?

[Rose] I can't find Des Courtney anywhere.

[Jake] Is "Des Courtney" his real name?

[Rose] Des Courtney doesn't exist.

[Des] What is this?

[Jake] Your blood work. Tested positive for ketamine.

You on dr*gs, Des?

[Des] No, no. Jake, I swear to God, I hadn't, I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Jake] Where do you live? Hmm?

Where's your house? Where's your family?

[sighing]

[Jake] We know that your real name is not Des Courtney. You've been lying to us.

[Des] I thought you were my family. And now, it doesn't...

It doesn't even... it doesn't matter what I say, because you don't believe me anyway. I don't know, I don't know how any of this happened.

[Jake] All right. Let's just start at the beginning, all right? And uh, focus on what we know. We know that you went to a strip club. A... male... Strip club, for the record. We know that you had a friend with you, and that friend had a van.

[Des] A friend w... a friend who?

[Jake] An arse one apparently, because he bailed on you as soon as you started to rip off the convenience store. Any ideas who it could be?

[Des] No! Jake, I'm telling you the truth about everything. I swear to God I am! You have to believe me, okay? You have to!

Wait I think... wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I remember a... a kid. There was a kid! There was a guy! I was... there was a guy, I was uh, I was taking a... I was taking a, uh, a video of him on my phone. He was doing some mad boarding! He uh...

[Walter] Jake.

[Jake] Yeah. Stay here.

[Des] Where else am I going to?

[Walter] Okay. Marco is letting us have a look at this.

[Marco] 2 minutes, Jake.

[Jake] Yeah, thanks.

[Walter] This is everything Des had on him at the time of his arrest.

[Jake] We need to look for his I.D., his cell phone.

Switchblade... [Laughing]

[Walter] I used to have one of those. Coupon for a free facial?

[Jake] Please. Find. The cell phone.

[Walter] S.C.U.B.A. mask, snorkel...

[Jake] [Whispering] Walter!

There's a hole. I think I feel the phone in the lining.

Distract him.

[Walter] [Whispering] What?

[Jake] [Whispering] Distract him.

[Walter] Uh, hey. Hey, Marco.

Uh, th-thank-thanks a lot for... for letting us, uh, for letting us do this. You know, he's... he's a good kid. It's obviously some kind of colossal mistake.

[Jake] Walter!

[Walter] Yeah?

[Jake] We're good. There's nothing here, man. Really well filed, though. Thanks a lot.

[Marco] Yeah.

[Walter] [Whispering] Whatever.

You're gonna get me disbarred, you know that? I'm an officer of the court!

[Mal] It's got some kind of password.

[Jake] Here, give it to me.

[sighing]

[Rose] Special k, also known as horse. It's a new club drug, bigger than e. It's injected, snorted, swallowed, smoked.

[Mal] What're the symptoms?

[Rose] Oh gosh, whole grab bag.

Disassociation, impaired motor function...
[Cell phone beeping]

[Mal] Memory loss?

[Rose] Yes, but not only that.

It's not only a street drug, it's actually a legitimate tranquilizer used mostly on animals.

[Jake] Really?

[Rose] Yeah. That's how they're getting it. They're robbing veterinary clinics.

[Mal] So Des' buddies are robbing vets at g*n point?

[Jake] Well let's check in all the vets in town, see if they were held up by a guy in a s. C.U.B.A. Mask.

[Rose] Yeah. Tinny, are you okay, honey?

[Tinny] I feel like I'm missing something. Like we all are.

[Jake] Any ideas about this phone? I just need a password.

[Tinny] Try "Tinny."

[cell phone beeping]

[Jake] That worked, actually.

[Rose] Here, give it here. Okay, l right.

[typing]

[Rose] Here we go.

[clearing throat]

[Mal] I'm sensing a theme?

[Jake] There he is.

[Tinny] He's boarding.

[Mal] Is there a time stamp?

[Rose] Uh, yeah, yeah. It's last night, all before the robbery.

[Zach] I'll get yo, 'kay? You show me how to do that, man.

[Jake] Freeze it. Right there.

Look at that guy. Nice guy, normal looking... What is that behind him?

[Mal] It's the getaway van.

[Jake] All right, let's go.

Rose, email me that photo, print it off or something.

[Leslie] The bail hearing is set for this afternoon.

[Jake] So you think they're gonna let him go?

[Leslie] Depends on the crown.

If she wants to keep him in custody, she can. Are you okay, Jake? I'm worried about ya.

[Jake] Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me, just worry about Des, all right?

[Leslie] Look, I know... I know this is weird, and it's none of my business, but... Allison, she's really pushing ahead with this indictment.

[Jake] Yeah.

[cell phone ringing]

[Jake] Sorry.

[Leslie] It's okay, take it.

I'll keep you posted, okay? Call me?

[Jake] Allison. What the hell are you trying to do to me here?

[Allison] I could pacify a law onto a colleague. Would that be better?

[Jake] Oh, that depends. Would your colleague be more sympathetic, maybe?

[Allison] No, he wouldn't. Trust me. Your little friend was caught, on tape, robbing a store, with a g*n in his hand.

You've got to let...
[Jake] Let you? Let you do what, exactly?

Allison, is there something going on with you?

Or... Allison?

[Allison] 'Kay, I gotta go, Jake. Um, I'll keep you up to speed on the file, but I gotta do what I gotta do here, okay?

I'm sorry.

[beeping]

[Tinny] This is the address?

[Rose] Yep. Weird, huh?

[Tinny] Huh! Check it out!

[Rose] Here. Careful, careful.

[Tinny] Help me move this and we'll go in.

[Rose] Oh my God!

[Tinny] Hello? Anybody home? Oh my God, Des has been living here?

[Rose] Oh, I hope not.

[sighing]

[Rose] Oh, Tinny, look. It says "Des Courtney." So, yeah. He is living here.

[Tinny] Rose, c'mere.

[Rose] What'd ya got?

[Tinny] These are from the '90s.

"Jody Redmond.
" Do you know who that is?

[Rose] Yeah, yeah. He was a famous bank robber. He pulled off a bunch of heists. Think he got like, 15 years?

[Tinny] Well, what is Des doing with all of this? It looks like he's obsessed with this case.

[Jake] How many vet clinics are there in St. John's, anyway?

[Mal] At least a dozen, and I've checked 'em all out. This is the last one.

[Jake] Dad, check it out. He look like our guy to you?

[Mal] Looks like Des' friend, yeah.

[Jake] He's a janitor at a vet clinic? That's one way that I'd guarantee a steady supply of ketamine. Hey, buddy! Nice toque. Just hang on! I just wanna talk to you!

[car horn beeping]

[Des] Zach Douglas. I know that guy. I went to high school with him.

[Jake] When was the last time that you saw him?

[Des] Ages ago. Last year maybe?

I always used to help him with his homework and stuff.

[Jake] How nice of you. Now, this one was taken yesterday on your cell phone while you were skateboarding.

[Des] Oh, that's right. It was him. No, no, no, I just remembered! I-I remember him now.

[Jake] I can't believe this, Des. I mean I can't believe that you're into this, you know?

You're doing dr*gs?

You're-you're-you're ripping off convenience stores?

[Des] No I'm not! No I'm not!

Look, Zach, he... He was always taking advantage of me, and I haven't seen him in ages, but yesterday, I guess, he... look, Jake, this isn't me. This is not me. You know me.

[Jake] No, I don't. Not really, Des. I don't really know you at all.

[Des] What?

[Jake] When Tinny took your blood, where'd she get you with the needle?

[Des] Wha?

[Jake] Where's the needle prick from when Tinny stabbed you?

[Des] Oh, oh, it's right there.

Ow! I told you, I don't do dr*gs either.

[Jake] I'm actually starting to believe you.

[Des] Ow! You do? Ow! Ow! What is it?

[Jake] It's a needle mark. I don't know many people who sh**t up in the back of their neck.

Even people as stupid as you.

[Des] S-someone stabbed me?

Someone drugged me. Someone drug... oh, thank God. First... wait, someone stabbed me? Does it look bad?

[Jake] Look at this picture.

Where do you think you could be?

Do you see anything you recognise? Do you know where it is?

[Des] Uh, I dunno. Um...

[Jake] Concentrate!

[Des] The w*r memorial. The w*r memorial downtown, I remember!

It's the w*r memorial!

[Skater] Sweet. Nice Ollie, man.

[Jake] Zach! Douglas! Remember us?

[Zach] Are you cops or what?

[Jake] Why? You got something you gotta hide?

[Zach] No. Okay, back off, man!

[Mal] I believe we have a mutual friend. Des Courtney.

[Zach] Never heard of him.

[Jake] Liar!

[Zach] Man, chill! All right?

You got no right!

[Jake] Rights? Today is not the day to be talking to me about rights, pal!

[Mal] Jake!

[Zach] Ow!

[Mal] What're you doin'?

[crowd gasping]

[Jake] You know what? This'll go a lot easier if you're straight with us!

[Zach] Ow! I am, man! I am!

[Mal] Jake!

[Jake] Oh yeah? You are? You are, huh? You think I'm foolin' around, huh? You think I'm foolin' around?!

[crowd yelling]

[Mal] Here, kid, just wait a minute. C'mere!

[Jake] Dad! Dad! Just let him go.

[Mal] What's the matter with you?

[Jake] What? Oh! I planted a G.P.S. in his knapsack.

[Mal] Oh, good. I thought you were losing it there.

[Jake] No, no. C'mon, let's follow 'em.

[Mal] Okay.

[Jake] Heads up.

[Mal] Interesting.

[Jake] I recognise that face from somewhere. I just don't know where. Look, I knew I recognised this guy. He was in the convenience store with Des.

[Rose] Yep, it's Anton Strazza.

He's a successful businessman, runs and import-export firm here in town.

[Mal] Criminal record?

[Rose] No, nothing like that, and absolutely no connection between him and the skateboard kid, Zach.

[Jake] So, what? He just happens to be in the corner store when Des is robbing it? And Zach just happens to run to him as soon as we put on the heat? Why? You think this guy's behind the whole thing? He dr*gs Des, and then he's at the store to watch the whole fiasco go down?

[Mal] And then he jumps into the getaway van?

[Jake] That doesn't make any sense. What're you gonna get from a convenience store till?

Couple hundred bucks?

[Mal] That's nothing to a guy like him.

[Jake] What'd you say his name was again?

[Mal] Anton Strazza?

[Jake] Strazza, Strazza, Strazza. Strazza, Strazza, Strazza... look at this.

[Mal] "Veiled Madonna."

[Jake] The Veiled Madonna is going on tour tomorrow. And the name of the sculptor is...

[Mal] Strazza?

[Jake] "19th century Italian sculptor, Giovanni Strazza."

[Rose] Letter to the editor from last year from Anton Strazza:
"The Veiled Madonna was stolen from my family. It is preposterous that our property has not been returned. It is my birth right. This province will pay."
This guy's a total wingnut!

[Mal] They keep the Madonna at the basilica!

[Tinny] Uncle Jake, armed robbery's a big deal, right? So when Des held up the corner store, every police car in the vicinity would've responded.

[Jake] That's right.

[Tinny] All right. The convenience store is here, the police station's out here...

[Jake] If Des rips off the convenience store, every cop is gonna show up. Then they get in a high-speed chase which takes them way the frig out there somewhere...

[Mal] Even further away.

[Rose] Right. Desmond wasn't supposed to succeed.

[Tinny] He was just supposed to make a scene!

[Jake] The whole thing was a diversion while Anton Strazza is stealing the Veiled Madonna from the basilica, here.

[church bells ringing]

[Leslie] It happened just before dawn.

[Jake] While you guys were all chasing Des in my car.

[Leslie] The alarm went off and yes, we responded, but when we got here...

[Jake] The Veiled Madonna was gone.

[Mal] Strazza gained himself enough time to get away.

[Jake] And all it cost was 10 years of Des' life.

[Jake] Okay, the whole thing was a setup. All right? First, they drugged Des, and then they somehow convince him to rip off the convenience store. I'm telling you he's innocent.

[Leslie] All so they could steal the Madonna?

[Jake] Des is the easiest mark I've ever met, all right? You ask him nicely and he'll pretty much do anything for ya. It's all about timing, Leslie. You think it's a coincidence that every cruiser in town just happens to be chasing Des while some moron is ripping off the Veiled Madonna?

[Leslie] Look, even if I did believe you, it wouldn't do any good. Okay? The crown is hardly gonna drop the charges on Des because somebody else stole a statue.

[pen clicking]

[Jake] "Anton Strazza. " Pick him up and talk to him. You won't regret it.

[Leslie] Where have I heard that before?

[Jake] What time is it? Look, I'm late for the bail hearing.

Just talk to Strazza.

[Rose] Redmond... Jody Redmond.

[Jake] So? What happened?

[Walter] We lost. Crown opposed bail.

[Jake] When you say the crown, do you mean...

[Walter] Oh yeah! Yeah, it was Allison.

We never had a chance.

I gotta tell ya, boys, it's not looking good.

[Mal] Nice girl you got there.

[Jake] She's doing her job, okay? Just leave it.

[Walter] Do you guys have anything?

[Jake] We got a lead, couple leads maybe. That's it.

[Walter] Good. Cause I'm gonna need something to base a case on. I gotta run.

[Mal] Now what?

[Jake] Get a better lawyer?

[Mal] I'll check out the Zach kid.

[Jake] Gimme a second, all right?

[Mal] What?

[Jake] Allison! Well I guess, uh, congratulations are in order?

[Allison] Jake. Hi.

[Jake] How are you? How's your, uh, friend. What's his name?

[Allison] Simon? He's my husband.

[Jake] Really?

[Allison] Jake, we're finishing up our divorce, and it's a train wreck, and I would really appreciate it if you would just stay out of it, okay? Let me sort out my life.

[Jake] Fine.

[Allison] Thanks.

[Jake] On one condition. You keep Des out of her majesty's pen. I dunno what your beef is with him, but I can tell you he is a good guy. All right? He's actually a little bit of a sweetheart, so just give me a break, here.

[Allison] I'll see what I can do.

[Des] So a diversion. That sounds good.

[Tinny] It was all a setup, which means it wasn't your fault. We just gotta prove it.

So, anything else you can remember...
[Des] I know, I'm trying. But y... but you have the drug test, right?

[sighing]

[Tinny] It's not enough, Des.

[Des] Is Jake pissed at me?

[Tinny] No! He's trying to help you.

[Des] I feel like I let him down.

[Tinny] Don't be stupid.

[Des] I hate it in here. It totally bites.

[Tinny] Des, me and Rose... We went to your place.

[Des] What? You went to my place? M-my house? Why?

[Tinny] Why have you been lying to us? Your real name? It's made up! Everything's made up! And what's up with that bank robber guy? That case? Why're you so obsessed with it?

[Des] Tinny! That's none of your business! Why did you go there?

I-I don't want you to see that!

I don't want you to be there!

[Tinny] Hey, calm down!

[Des] Oh my God, oh God, everything's fallin' apart!

[Tinny] Des! Hey! Hey.

You're okay.

[Des] Can I tell people you did that?

[Tinny] No.

[Des] Okay. Who'd I tell anyway?

Just a guard, maybe?

[Tinny] Des!

[Des] Okay, I won't tell anyone.

[Strazza] The Veiled Madonna's gone? And you think that I?

Don't be absurd! I've never stolen anything in my life!

That's a fact! A-a-a-and-and I've never heard of this person... w-w-what's his name?

[Leslie] Des.

[Strazza] Des, Des. I've never heard of him.

[Leslie] Oh, really? Mr. Strazza...

[Strazza] Oh, it's pronounced "Strat-za."

[Leslie] Okay, Mr. "Strat-za."

Can you account for your whereabouts last night?

[Strazza] Ha! Yes.

Actually, I was having a glass of port in my local watering hole. I can give you the names of at least a dozen people who saw me there.

[Leslie] Oh, in exchange for what? Next round's on you?

You're quite taken with the Madonna, are you not?

[Strazza] Meaning what, exactly?

[Leslie] You're obsessed with this statue. You claim to be descended from the artist. On several occasions in the media, you've said it rightly belongs to you.

[Strazza] Yes! Yes, yes, I-I believe we have a legitimate claim to the statue, and a passion for it. But would I steal it? Please. Look, do I need to speak to a lawyer?

[Leslie] I don't know. Do ya?

[Strazza] I mean, am I being detained? Hmm, okay, then I guess I'm free to go? Goodbye, sergeant. It's been a pleasure.

Perhaps you could show me out?

[Leslie] That might take some time, Mr. Strazza.

[Strazza] "Strat-za."

[Leslie] Uh, well excuse me.

I'll just be a minute.

[Jake] He's lying.

[Leslie] Maybe, but there's nothing I can do about it. If he's a thief he's a good one. He left no tracks, Jake.

[Jake] We should search his house.

[Leslie] Tell me how we're gonna get a warrant for that one?

[Jake] Look, Des is running out of time, all right?

He gets deeper every minute.

[Leslie] The crown? Allison?

She's uppin' the charges.

Aggravated as*ault.

[Jake] He smacked himself in the fa... who did he as*ault?

[Leslie] He held up a store at gunpoint, Jake! I don't know what to tell ya! Your girlfriend's not wasting any time. Sorry.

[door unlocking]

[Rose] Hi. Uh, Jody Redmond? Hi, I'm Rose Doyle.

[Jody] It's a big day for me! I don't get a lot of visitors.

[Rose] Oh, these are for you.

Some magazines. I wasn't sure what you'd like.

[Jody] Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you.

[Mal] My ex did 15 years, so I... You got my email?

[Jody] You want to see the pictures.

[Rose] I know it's an odd request and I'd rather not tell you right now, if that's okay?

[Jody] Well, like I said, I'm... Happy to show. So, I get one every year. Ha! Only time hear from him. Just once a year.

Last time I saw him, he... He was 6 years old. I mean, that's, uh... that's my son.

[Mayor Clarke] Must be riveting stuff.

[Leslie] This case I got. Des Courtney.

[Mayor Clarke] Oh, that. The Doyle kid.

[Leslie] Technically he's not a Doyle but he might as well be.

He's a good kid, y'know? He's got character.

[Mayor Clarke] Yeah. Yeah, he robbed a corner store at gunpoint, but...

[laughing]

[Leslie] Yeah, I know, but he...

[Mayor Clarke] "But?" Really?

There's a "but?" Leslie, the law is the law, y'know? The city's turning into Gotham overnight.

Can't go around making exceptions for everybody. Even uh, Jake Doyle.

[Jake] All right, so we wait until it gets a little darker.

[Mal] Until he's asleep.

[Jake] Right, and then we, uh... Enter the house about here.

Apparently he likes to nap in here.

[Mal] The alarm?

[Jake] The alarm panel is situated right there.

[Mal] Right there?

What?

[Jake] I dunno. Are we really gonna break into this guy's house?

[Mal] Do we have any choice in the matter?

[Jake] We're doing this for kid. We don't even know his real name. In fact, we don't know anything about this guy.

[Mal] I think we know everything we need to know about Des.

Doesn't matter what anyone says.

He's a good kid, I'm sure of it.

And so are you.

[Jake] All right, all right, all right. Let's do it.

[Mal] Let's do it.

[Jake] [Whispering] it's a nice place.

[Mal] [Whispering]
I've seen nicer.

[music playing]

[Jake] You ready?

[Mal] Yeah.

[Jake] Okay.

[alarm blaring]

[Strazza] Ah!

[Jake] Hey there! How you doin'?

[Mal] Beautiful evening!

[Jake] It is a beautiful evening.

Careful there, Mr. Strazza.

[Mal] Uh, I think it's "Strat-za."

[Strazza] Ah! Don't move!

[Mal] Oh! Those things have a hair trigger!

[Strazza] You stay right where you are! The cops are on their way!

[laughing]

[Leslie] Are you kiddin' me, Jake?

[Jake] Leslie! So sorry that I had to get you out of your nice warm bed.

[Mal] All these cars just for us?

[Leslie] I suppose you were lookin' for the Veiled Madonna?

[Strazza] What're they still doing here? I want them locked up! Both of them!

[Jake] Don't worry, pally. This was all just a diversion.

[Strazza] What?

[Jake] A diversion. Our people are stealing the Veiled Madonna as we speak.

[Mal] Look at all the police cars.

[Jake] I can't believe it worked.

[Leslie] Both of you, come with me now!

[Jake] It was nice meeting you!

You have a lovely house!

[Mal] Yeah, it's all right.

[sirens blaring]

[Leslie] What the hell was that?

[Mal] Leslie, we need a favour.

[Leslie] A favour? Is that so?

[Jake] Listen, Anton Strazza is in his car right now and he's about to drive away.

[Mal] Leslie, you know I never ask you for anything. Pretend Jake's not here. Do this for me, please?

[Jake] For Des. Look, he's driving away and we have to follow him! Please, please, trust me.

[Leslie] God, I can't believe I'm doing this!

[Mal] Thank you.

[Jake] Are you gonna get me out of my cuffs? Put... argh! I just need to get outta my cuffs.

[Leslie] Stop right there!

[Jake] Well, what d'ya know?

I'll take that. Hello, girl.

[Mal] Careful there. She's one of a kind.

[Leslie] Mr. Strazza, you're under arrest.

[Strazza] You don't understand.

The statue belongs to me. I was only taking back what was mine!

[Jake] You didn't mind sending an innocent kid to jail in the process? Although she is kind of attractive. I mean, beautiful.

[Jake] Well, make yourself at home. I guess the, uh... they didn't throw you out with the regular riff-raff?

[Allison] Yeah. Knowing the owner has its perks, right?

[Jake] This for me?

[Allison] Yeah. Good night?

[Jake] Could be worse.

[Allison] Well, looks like Anton Strazza's talking. We're dropping all charges against Des.

[Jake] Yeah, I heard. Little confused why you're so hell-bent on sending Des to jail, though, to be honest with you. Felt a little personal.

[Allison] I wasn't. There's a backlog of cases. Everything is rushed. That's why I upped the charges to piss off the judge. I would re-file, they would re-schedule, and eventually it would've got kicked out, guaranteed. Des would've ended up with community service.

[Jake] Oh.

[Allison] And I couldn't tell you. Well, that was my plan, anyway.

[Jake] Well, I feel like an idiot. And, um... I'm sorry.

[Allison] Simon showing up just kinda threw me for a curve ball, you know? I thought that things were done between me and him.

[Jake] And are they? Tell you what. Why don't we take a few days, take some space.

[Allison] "Space?" Okay.

[Jake] Allison, I'm not going anywhere.

[Allison] Goodnight, Jake.

[door closing]

[Des] Oh, thanks guys! Oh!

Wicked! Y'know, I was thinking, I was thinking now that I've actually done, like, some hard time, maybe I can, uh, get a little bit more action?

[laughing]

[Tinny] Poppy?

[Mal] Just a small one for me.

[Des] Oh, hey. Make mine a double, would you?

[Tinny] You wish.

[Des] A big... a triple even.

Hey, hey! There he is!

What's u...
[Mal] So, you've decided to join us?

[Rose] What'll it be?

[Jake] Eh, whatever's going.

[Rose] Well here, take that.

[Jake] Perfect. Des, or whatever your real name is. You know what? I don't even care what your real name is.

[Mal] Me neither.

[Jake] I want you to move outta that house right away. That's an order.

[Des] Yes sir.

[Mal] Oh lord. That means he's gonna be movin' in with us.

[Jake] Yep, cause he's definitely not living with me.

[Des] Why not?

[Mal] I think I need a drink!

[laughing]

[Mal] You're like the son I never had. Welcome home, boy.

[Rose] Yeah, come here.

[Jake] What kind of toast is that?

[Mal] Welcoming the kid home!

[Jake] Whatever.

[Rose] Your father says hello.

Jody Redmond.

[Des] You talked to him?

[Rose] They don't know.

[Des] I thought if you knew, then...

[Rose] No. It's okay, I get it.

[Des] In the jail cell, I just kept thinking. I mean, what if it's, what if it's part of my genes? My D.N.A.? I mean...

[Rose] No, that is not the case.

[Des] I mean, what if it's my destiny or something like that?

[Rose] No, it is not. We'll figure out your father thing.

We'll do it together. Come here.

Maybe it's time to go pay your father a little visit. I'll go with you.

[Des] O-okay.

[Rose] Promise. Let's get back in here.

[sighing]

[Rose] Well, that was delicious!

[chattering]