01x11 - Daddy's Girl

This is what you missed last week on Shameless.

It was a great episode.

Think you can loan me a couple bills? I can pay you for a job.

Fiona would be pissed if she knew you were into this sh1t with me.

Are you screwing my sister's boyfriend?

Hey, Mom, me and Chip are going to swing by the hospital.

Oh, this is... Debbie Gallagher.

Nice to meet you, Jimmy.

Are you going to tell Fiona?

I saw a really cool pink vest.

I like to think of it as a peace offering.

Somebody bought Mr. Harris' house? Steve.

Fiona's a good girl.

I've known her a long time.

Drive carefully.

Congratulations, Ian.

You are not Frank Gallagher's son.

But my father's a close relative.

Most likely one of your brothers.

If you love us, you'll leave Liam.

Take your girlfriend, get in your truck and never come back.

I've been reading more about this Purity Ball thing.

You need to be as honest as you can, It's okay, sweetheart.

I started having oral s*x... orgy... naked body... black strap-on dildo...

You whore! He humiliated me!

Get out! Get out!

♪ Think of all the luck you got ♪
♪ Know that it's not for naught ♪
♪ You were beaming once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Round up the friends you got ♪
♪ Know that they're not for naught ♪
♪ You were willing once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so... ♪
♪ Sure of? ♪

STEVE: It's good.

All right, can you do this?

Oh, that's easy.

(chuckles)

Can you wiggle your ears?

Oh, my God.

But slightly, right? Slightly?

Yeah, I think... I think I can.

I said wiggle your ears, not sh1t your pants.

(both laughing)

You want to see me make a mangina?

Oh, that's sexy, but I'll pass.

I can put my ankle behind my head and sing "The Star Spangled Banner."

Okay.

Does it have to be our national anthem?

What else would it be?

♪ Oh say can you see ♪

This is great.

♪ By the dawn's ♪ Whoa!

♪ Early light ♪

(chuckles)

♪ What so proudly we hailed at... ♪

Am I going to have to learn how to do that when I start having s*x?

This has nothing to do with s*x.

Then it's even weirder.

What are you doing in here?

You're supposed to be at my classroom moms' meeting in 40 minutes.

Since when?

Since Mom promised to go before she left us again.

Oh, God, Debs, please don't make me do this.

I know you don't like those meetings.

That's why I never tell you about them.

Are the meetings really that bad?

It's the women from the neighborhood.

All they do is talk about their husbands and their jobs and their dental plans.

You know, maybe you should just show them your special skill.

(both laughing) The Snob Mob always makes fun of me for not having a parent there.

So when Mom came back, I signed her up.

What's the Snob Mob?

The name speaks for itself.

And their moms aren't much nicer.

They're expecting a grown-up to help with the decorations.

It's only this one time.

I won't sign you up again. I promise.

Fine.

Yes!

Let me make some coffee first.

Okay.

(sighs)

What?

You tell her the truth yet, Jimmy?

Soon.

You better.

FIONA: Have a good day at work, dear.

You satisfied? I just can't believe it.

Hey, you win some, you lose some.

What does she see in him?

Ass, gas and cash.

Did you see his Porsche? Fiona's not like that.

Face it, women think with their vaginas.

Now let's vamonos.

We'll find you another skanky hood girl to obsess about.

(engine starts)

Snob Mob says it's not fair that I get to go to all the class parties and stuff, even though we don't contribute.

You can't listen to those bitches, Debs.

No.

You have to look nice.

There's a hole in it.

Well, that's gonna cut out half my wardrobe.

Maybe the boys have something I can wear.

♪ ♪

Stop downloading p0rn.

Oops, busted.

I need a sweater.

Help yourself.

What are you guys doing?

We're looking for homeboy's dad.

He's looking for homeboy's dad.

LIP: Jesus.

There are a lot of Gallaghers.

Hey, Fiona, do you know any of Frank's brothers' names?

sh1t, I have no idea.

Oh, I think one of them's Wendell or something.

I suppose I could just start calling them all.

What do you care, anyway?

He just wishes it was him that wasn't Frank's kid.

Plus, you know, if we find Ian's real dad, you know, maybe he'll give us some cash or we could report his name to the state and collect extra child support.

Then I'd have to hang out with the dude.

He might be cool.

Ha, Frank's brother?

He's got to be better than Frank, right?

I mean, maybe he has a job or he's sober or he likes kids.

Doubt it.

Oh, hey, how about this one, Debs?

It'll have to do.

Now go. Come on.

Oh, take the bus out to see Grammy.

She'll know where the brothers are.

WOMAN: Hi.

Fiona, right? Yeah.

Debbie said I should expect you.

I'm Jasmine Hollander.

I live over on South Bishop.

I remember you from the neighborhood.

You used to babysit my friend Beth Souza.

JASMINE: Right! Um, okay, well, let me get you started.

Look who just showed up. We're making decorations for the kids'

St. Patty's Day party tomorrow.

Okay.

Uh, okay, why don't you take a seat right there, and I'll bring you some construction paper.

Okay?

Hi, Fiona.

Long time no see. Yeah.

So what rate did you guys end up getting?

Eve's refinancing her home.

Four and a half percent for 15 years.

Your monthly must be outrageous.

Peter wants to pay the house off sooner than later.

Should have gone for a 30.

That's what we have. Rates would be higher.

But your payments would have been lower.

Peter has a head for numbers. We'll be okay.

I'd be worried that the rail lines are going to have layoffs again.

Aren't you?

I guess I am now.

Must be nice not to own a home and have to deal with this stuff.

Yeah. It gives me more time to buy drugs and fence stolen goods.

(roaring and snarling)

♪ Ta-ra-ra ♪
♪ Boom-de-ay ♪
♪ I'm getting some cash today ♪
♪ I don't care what you say ♪
♪ Just stay the f*ck out of my way. ♪

Die, locust scum!

(groans)

Oh, mail's not here yet.

Any minute, usually.

Oh! Ooh! Ooh!

What are you kids doing home?

Budget cuts.

Eat my ass!

We have every other Friday off.

Shouldn't someone be watching you?

We're latchkey kids.

Right.

(chuckling)

"Dear, Mr. Gallagher...

"Effective immediately, "your Illinois State Workers'

Compensation has been terminated"?!

No...!

(dog whines)

(shout continues)

(train whistle blowing)

Karen.

(train cars rattling)

(muffled heavy metal playing)

(music grows louder)

Hello!

Karen?

Yo.

Hello, hello, hello.

Karen...

f*ck! You scared me, Lip.

Sorry. Your mom let me in.

(lowers volume)

What are you doing?

I just... I haven't seen you in school in a couple days.

Been busy.

Yeah, I can see that.

I like the, uh, what do you call it... the nose, chain ring... thing, it's, uh...

Me and Ian were going to go visit my grandmother.

You want to come? No.

Okay.

(mechanical laughter)

Found out, uh, Frank's not Ian's dad?

Lucky him.

Yeah.

We might try to go find his real one.

Why?

All dads are assholes.

Well, come with us.

We'll hit up the White Castle after.

It's got to be better than hanging around here all day being angry at your dad.

I'm not angry at my dad.

Well, it, uh... kind of, uh...

It seems like you are.

Why would I be angry at my dad?

I don't know, 'cause of, uh, the stupid Purity Ball thing?

Are you kidding me? I'm fine.

I'm just glad that my dad's not around anymore to call me a whore!

All right, whatever.

What's that supposed to mean?

You're going to analyze me now, like you don't have enough problems of your own?

Whoa, whoa, no, I-I just don't understand why you give a sh1t about what your dad has to say.

I mean, not to be a dick or anything, but you have been kind of a whore.

What?!

No, there's no judgment. I mean, I think it's cool.

You know, you're a free spirit...

Get the f*ck out of my house! Take it easy.

Out!

Okay, fine.

I was just trying to help.

I don't need your help!

Well, have fun being angry at your dad.

f*ck off!

FRANK: How the f*ck did I know that I'd catch you icing the stairs, you sack of sh1t ambulance chaser?!

What are you doing here?

My worker's comp got canceled. You're an A-hole, Frank.

You should have laid low, like I f*cking told you to.

Hey, watch your step. Could be slippery.

I go from home to the Alibi Room.

How much lower can I lay?

They got video, you moron.

That's not possible.

(Frank stammers)

I was getting a case of beer for helping my friend Tito move.

It was a reimbursement dispute with my drug dealer.

Well, how was I supposed to know her husband was going to come back early?

Call me when you get hurt on the next job.

And aim for the knees next time, huh? Pays more than ribs.

(woman screams)

Whoa, whoa, I saw that. The city will pay.

Larry M. Burke, Attorney at Law, at your service. sh1t.

(conversing indistinctly)

(whispering): Ugh. Bitches.

JASMINE: Fiona.

Wait up. I have to go.

I got stuff to do at home.

I just want to thank you for coming today.

Okay.

Would love to have you at more meetings.

See if I can fit it into my busy schedule.

Don't let those women bum you out.

I didn't even notice them.

Well, between you and me, I think they're twats.

(chuckles)

Why are you friends with them, then?

Because our kids play together.

They have baseball and soccer.

They're not so bad, once you get to know them.

Well, I guess they chose not to show that side of themselves today.

They're just insecure, so they've got to make everybody else feel as shitty as they do.

Worked.

How about we go grab some coffee?

I don't do coffee.

Tea?

No, I mean, I do coffee.

I just don't have the luxury of doing it in the middle of the day, like you people.

(laughs)

Hey, don't be a hater.

You're right. I'm sorry.

You can make it up to me by letting me buy you a drink.

(laughs)

So now it's a drink?

I'll take that as a yes.

Come on.

(toilet flushing)

What?

Never seen you use deodorant before.

Well, got to find a job.

You should come with me.

Why?

It's time you learned the family business, son.

Typed up your résumé, Daddy.

Good girl, Debs.

FRANK: "Francis Gallagher is a passionate professional "who brings creative solutions from the idea phase to fruition."

You know me so well.

You little... Hey!

LIP: Aren't you a little bit curious to find out who he is? No.

No, he could be any one of these guys.

Oh, yeah? Like that one right there?

Totally.

Look, he's going to be a douche bag, no matter who he is.

He can't be any worse than Frank.

He's a Gallagher.

Maybe he'll take you to a game or... you know, kick in some scratch for college, or give you a kidney.

Hell, a birthday card once a year... that's a win, right?

Do we know any cool dads?

Scotty Houston's father.

But he's on that s*x offenders list for jacking off in Sherman Park.

MAN: I got a, um, pizza delivery driver opening.

Liquor salesman. Bilingual insurance agent.

Part-time nanny. Hair salon assistant.

Truck driver. Egg donor.

Egg donor? What the f...?

It's the wrong... this is the wrong category.

Anything float your boat, Frank?

You know what I'm here for, Gary.

Show me the special list.

No, I'm not, uh...

I'm not doing that anymore, Frank.

Open your top drawer. No, no, no.

The boss is cracking down.

I brought the kids out.

I want to show them a thing or two.

Look, you're going to get me in trouble.

I'll be discreet.

Come on.

We'll have the same deal we had before.

No. I need 30% this time.

Ten. Twenty-five.

Twenty.

Six months ago, guy fell off a scaffold at McNally Construction.

He broke three bones.

I could send you over there.

Sounds good, if it weren't for my fear of heights.

What else you got?

How do you feel about metal splinters to the eye?

Not so great.

Okay, look. Are you up-to-date on your rabies shots?

No.

Okay, what about seared flesh?

Yeah. Bobby's Bagel Joint is hiring.

All right? I got a gal... she stuck her hand in the boiling vat.

She'll be collecting for at least 24 months.

Suppose if I had to.

Anything else?

(sighs)

Okay.

Here we go.

These are the jobs nobody wants.

The conditions are hazardous, unsafe... or both.

You're guaranteed to get hurt.

You're the man, Gary.

(lock buzzes, door clangs open)

There she is.

LIP: Hey, Grammy.

Who the hell are you?

Grams, it's us.

Lip and Ian... Frank's sons.

Your grandsons.

My goodness.

Would you look at you two?

I have never seen apple and spice looking so nice.

Thanks, Grammy.

How's it going in there?

(sighs)

Well, the food's not so great, but the pussy's pretty good.

Never thought I'd be the type.

Oh, this dump ain't so bad.

I can get blow anytime I like.

Sounds all right.

Yeah. The only thing that sucks is, they got me cleaning toilets.

I wanted to be on the kitchen crew, but they won't let me anywhere near the place.

One meth lab explosion, and this is what I get.

Well, yeah. It's probably the two college students that died in the fire, Grams.

So what do you want?

Well, we're, uh... we're trying to find Dad's brothers.

There's, uh, three, right?

Who wants to know?

Just us.

One might be my dad.

How so?

Uh, Monica... boned a brother.

What?

Monica... she f*cked a brother.

I never liked that woman.

So, I give you the names, what are you going to do for me?

What do you want?

Cigarettes... carton a week.

What, you can get blow in here, but not cigarettes?

Go figure.

Yeah, you got it.

Clayton, Jerry and my baby Wyatt.

They're in the book.

But don't bother with Wyatt.

He lost his testicles in the Navy. GUARD: All right, let's go.

Okay.

Thanks, Grams.

Hey! And you tell Jerry Come on! that if he doesn't pay me back that five grand he stole, I'm going to send my ex-husband Ronnie over to gouge his eye out with a grapefruit spoon.

Hey, your time is up! Let's go!

♪ ♪

So what were you, like five or six years behind me in school?

Uh... eight, I think.

Jesus.

I'm an old lady. Yeah.

I was thinking the same thing.

Uh, an old lady who can do this.

Damn.

Yeah. I told Hal, if he wanted another kid, he had to get me a 24 Hour Fitness membership.

It's bad enough my cookie box is all stretched out.

No. Yeah. That's what happens.

Can't you do, like, Kegels or something?

I'm doing them right now.

How many kids do you have?

Three, which is plenty.

I made Hal snip his business.

And then, if I kick his ass to the curb, I can have more with someone else if I want.

Are you thinking about kicking his ass to the curb?

Some days, yes.

Some days, no.

(sighs)

He's a good guy.

Just one thing I'd change about him.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

No passion.

That's a big one.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Hey, ladies.

The basket of E coli you ordered.

Mmm.

I got this.

Here you go.

It's weird seeing you in here without yelling at Frank, Fi.

Well, there's always time.

Keep the change.

Oh!

So your dad's still a drunk?

Mine, too.

Yeah?

Yeah.

He's good at hiding it, though.

Has to. He's on the fire department.

Oh.

So what about you?

Are you with someone right now?

I've been dating this guy Steve.

About all we have is passion.

(sighs)

Say it again, but slower.

(chuckles)

Before I met Hal, I was engaged to this guy Ralph.

We f*cked everywhere.

I mean, one time, we did it in the bathroom at a party.

(snickers)

Done that.

(gasps)

I like you, Miss Fiona.

You're a dirty girl, like me.

So what happened with the bathroom fucker?

He didn't want to be there for the small things in life, like cooking a meal and getting sick and... laughing at a stupid TV show.

Sorry.

It's okay.

You know, his loss.

Does your guy like those things, or...?

Mmm....

I think so.

Or at least he pretends to.

Good. Then, hold on to him, because guys like that get scooped up fast, and before you know it, you're 30 and the good ones are all gone.

And then you have to wait until they get divorced, but by then, you'll be 45.

Oh, God. I got to bolt.

I'll see you at the, uh, kids' party tomorrow?

I wasn't really going to go after that meeting.

Oh. But now that you met me?

Uh, I'll think about it.

Good.

Bye.

Okay.

Uh, bye.

(sighs)

You just made my boy parts get bigger.

f*ck off.

Looking for a few more guys.

It's my busy season.

Dangerous? Can be, if you're not careful.

Right.

City contracts me to clear the stoppages in the sewer.

Not glamorous work we're talking about.

Sounds great to me.

(grunts)

Fill this out.

How we doing, Paulie?

PAULIE (echoing): All set! Turn her on!

Come to work with your dad?

No school.

Budget cuts.

Yeah, me, too.

Want to go out sometime?

I'm only 12.

It's cool.

I'm into older women.


I don't like that you're getting hurt on purpose to make money.

Isn't that cheating?

I prefer to think of it as helping.

You do? Yeah.

When I collect workman's comp, some lady has to fill out the paperwork.

That's her job.

If it wasn't for me, she'd be unemployed. Oh...

PAULIE: Shut it off, for the love of God!

Shut it off! My eye! Aah!

f*ck! The city's going to shut me down again for weeks now.

Paulie'll make millions off this.

PAULIE: Shut it off!

Call an ambulance!

(sighs)

Thanks.

We get a call?

You catch the plates on that guy Steve's Cayenne?

Uh, seven three Echo Yankee five five.

How'd I know you'd have it memorized?

You little psycho.

(chuckles)

Guess what car just got reported stolen.

By Steve?

No. By the owner.

Roberto Cavesi.

So Steve stole it. Or bought it stolen.

He's probably scratching the VIN and changing the plates right now.

Uh, did you call it in?

Just getting ready. No, uh... why don't we hold off for a few hours?

I'm not going to do anything crazy.

I just want to talk to Fiona first.

(engine starting)

You may have heard how dangerous this place has been to work.

Not afraid.

Medical waste disposal.

Blood-soaked bandages.

Contaminated needles.

Body parts. CARL: Cool!

Used to be we could only get illegal immigrants to work here.

Looking at a true-blue American.

Yeah. Well, the CDC came around four months ago and hit us with some hefty fines.

That's when they brought me in.

I turned this place around.

Excuse me?

Oh, I'm an OSHA-certified safety compliae officer.

Take a look.

Yeah, I got this place in shipshape.

All new health and safety rules, weekly safety meetings for all employees.

"93 days accident free."

Come on, I'll show you your workstation.

AIDS needles. Okay.

♪ ♪

(knocking)

Hey, Tony.

Fiona.

Wasn't sure whether to knock over here or next door.

I'm mostly here.

None of my business, really.

Okay.

Steve around today?

He's at work.

Work, yeah.

Fiona, Steve may not be the guy you think he is.

(chuckles)

Is this the part where it's none of your business?

There's some things about him I don't think you know.

You ever wonder why he has all that money but he hangs out down here?

(chuckles)

That sounds awfully close to being an insult.

I don't, I don't mean it like that.

What other way is there to mean it?

I mean, why would a guy like Steve be with someone like me?

No. I know what you're doing.

Bad-mouthing Steve.

He'd never talk sh1t about you, ever.

You should go, Tony.

Just be careful, Fiona.

Come on.

(line ringing) Pick up.

STEVE (recorded): It's me. Leave a message.

(line ringing)

Come on, pick up.

STEVE (recorded): It's me. Leave a message.

sh1t!

MAN: Looking for someone to work in cabinetry.

From, uh, refinishing to installation.

Flexible hours, and we can offer competitive benefits.

(laughs)

I got to be honest with you about something here.

Yeah, what's that?

You know, most industries are using green products.

Everything's eco-friendly this, eco-friendly that.

I just haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet.

I mean, the stuff's too damn expensive.

Not to mention, Ed Begley Jr.'s a pussy.

Well, you know, the products that we're using... they're not exactly the safest.

Formaldehyde's our biggest culprit.

As a result, lot of folks are getting sick around here.

Seems like they're sensitive to...

He'll take it.

What?

The job. He'll take it.

Tomorrow okay for him to start?

Uh, yeah, yeah, sure, okay.

Yeah.

(laughs)

Hi, I'm Karen Jackson.

I mean, Daddyz Girl.

This is my first Web diary entry, and it's dedicated to my daddy...

Eddie Jackson.

Here he is on the left.

You can visit him at the ITC on 126th where he works.

My daddy and I recently went to a Purity Ball, where he asked me to confess my sexual sins so that we can be closer.

But when I did, guess what he did.

He called me a whore.

In front of a room full of people.

A whore.

Yelled it.

So guess what, Daddy.

I've got something for you.

These are vanilla.

Where were you two guys all day?

LIP: We went to go see Grammy, like you suggested.

Yeah? How is she?

Still mean as a snake.

Hmm.

Carl, hey, we're decorating not eating.

Hey-yo!

Thank God.

What's up?

Did you get my messages about Tony?

Been trying you for hours.

Oh, work was crazy.

I'm worried.

Oh, he's not gonna do anything to me.

Well, I-I think he suspects something.

No, he's just jealous.

I'm careful.

Promise. Okay?

All right. What do we got going on here?

Well, if you're Carl, then you're making scrotum cupcakes.

(laughter)

Very nice.

(dog barks in distance)

TONY: He already changed the plates?

You're going down, fucker.

IAN: Steve give you the car?

LIP: No, I bought it.

Had $74,920 lying around.

IAN: Ah, money well spent.

Yo.

Where are you?

I'm, uh, sorry about yesterday, all right?

All right, call me back.

Don't be mad.

Karen?

Yeah.

So why is it we've never met any of Frank's brothers?

Family reunions are for families.

And will the guy behind door number one be Ian Gallagher's ticket out?

Shut up.

Yeah?

Holy sh1t. Oh, my God.

What do you want?

Uh, hi.

Um, I'm sorry.

Uh, my name is Phillip.

This is my brother Ian.

Yeah, so?

Well, we're, uh, we're Frank Gallagher's sons.

You...! And we were wondering maybe if we could talk to you for a...

Son of a bi...!

Oh.

Off to a good start.

I didn't know Dad was a twin, did you?

No.

Hey! What are you doing?

Well, we should at least talk to him.

He just slammed the door in our faces.

Yeah, we probably scared him.

I-I don't want that dick being my father, all right?

We're here. We should find out more about him. Hey.

(knocking)

JERRY: I have a shotgun!

And I'm not afraid to use it!

Happy?

Yeah. Okay.

(video game sound effects)

STEVE: Come on.

Where'd you guys get the Xbox?

I let them borrow mine.

You're getting into this Classroom Moms thing.

(chuckles)

Well, it's important to Debs, right?

Yep.

(knocking)

I'll get it.

Don't run away just because I'm kicking your ass.

Hi.

I'm Jasmine. I've heard of you.

I'm Steve.

Oh. FIONA: Hey.

Uh, Debs, clean this stuff up.

JASMINE: Oh, no, no, don't worry.

My ironing board is still out from last weekend.

Uh, you met my boyfriend Steve?

I did. He's cute.

For that, you get a cup of coffee.

Mm.

Uh, sorry for coming over unannounced.

It's okay.

I was just at my sister's house.

She let me raid her closet.

Guess what doesn't fit her anymore.

All that?

She's pregnant again.

So I thought maybe that we could try this stuff on and see what fits us.

Sure.

Uh, we're gonna be upstairs.

STEVE: It's all right. Your boyfriend's got to go to work soon anyway.

Be careful today. I will. Thanks.

Nice to meet you, Jasmine.

Yeah. Will I see you at the party tonight?

I wouldn't miss it.

(car horn honking outside)

Not so fast, buster.

Hey, Debs. I got your new iPad in my bag.

Did you tell her, Jimmy?

Family?

Dropped out of med school? Different name?

Yeah, I just haven't found the right time yet. Okay?

It's unnatural for a kid to hold a secret for so long.

I'm gonna crack.

Okay, okay, tonight.

(car horn honking outside)

That's my ride. I got to go.

Pinkie swear?

Yes.

Do it.

Pinkie swear.

(car horn honking)

Hold your horses. I'm coming.

(machines whirring)

First day on the job.

Oh, yeah?

Suppose I could use a power tool?

Whoa, baby steps, my friend.

Probably in about a month.

Surprised to find an opening in this economy.

Somebody get fired?

Lorenzo worked at that station.

He's out on worker's comp.

One man's misfortune is another man's opportunity.

What, um, what happened to him?

Emphysema.

And how did Lorenzo get the big E?

Inhaling chemical fumes.

That's all it took?

Oh, you'd be smart to wear a mask.

What fumes, exactly?

You know, so I can stay clear.

Paint thinner, formaldehyde, cleaners, stainer.

You name it.

I mean, he was here one day, gone the next.

That fast, huh?

A man dedicates seven years of his life to a company, and that's the thanks he gets.

A bum lung.

Seven years?!

You said he was here one day, gone the next.

He was.

After having the job for seven years.

He was my best work friend.

Sucks not having him around here anymore.

That looks good on you.

You think?

Your body is perfect.

(groans) Makes me look huge.

Please.

Look at this.

Still haven't gotten rid of my baby fat.

My youngest is six.

Hmm.

I really like Steve, by the way.

He's a good guy.

I think.

He seems into you.

Well, he stuck around.

Here, try this on.

So, I talked to Hal last night.

His business is booming right now.

What's he do?

He's an accountant.

Helps people with their taxes, that sort of thing.

Are you good with numbers?

I guess so.

Then I'll introduce you to him later at the party.

(gasps)

(sighs)

I mean...

(cell phone vibrates)

(sighs) Got to pick up the monsters.

Why you being so nice to me?

Why are you being a freak and asking a question like that?

See you tonight.

♪ ♪

(grunting)

Ah, I knew I had it here somewhere.

This... is your father and me when we were altar boys.

Dad was an altar boy? Yeah, he sure was.

Wow. Frank around the communion wine... that must have been quite a challenge, huh?

(chuckles)

Father Frank, as we used to call him, he was very devout.

He was, uh, first in his class at catechism.

Frank?

So, what brings you boys around?

Well, we're working on a family tree project at school, Lucy.

Aunt Lucy.

Oh, wow. Well, good for you.

Did your dad tell you where I lived?

No, no, we looked it up.

Yeah, I don't suppose he would have.

We, um, we had a falling out a long time ago.

Anybody need some more pop?

It was my fault.

I should have done something about it, I-I just...

I never did.

Clayton, I need your help in the kitchen with the pop.

Okay, more pop coming right up.

LUCY: What are you doing?

Getting to know my nephews. Let's go.

I don't want them in my house.

What? They're great. They're family!

I can't do this. Do what?

You told me you never slept with her! I didn't!

This... ruin their lives.

So, why does he look exactly like Jacob?!

That guy's totally your dad.

You don't know that for a fact.

We can easily find out.

I don't wanna know!

You look exactly like him.

So what am I supposed to do, pack my bags and move in here?

Yeah! Have you checked this place out?

f*ck! Ian...

(Clayton and Lucy shouting)

Ian!

Ian! Ian, come on! We should at least go in and...

Look, this is about you, all right? Not me.

We all have our problems with Frank, but he's still my father.

And-and Fiona's my sister and you're my brother.

Debbie, Carl, Liam; we're a family.

But Ian, you can have a sweet life here.

I'm happy with who we are... even if you're not.

♪ ♪
♪ ♪

(splutters)

Well, look at that. Lunch is over.

The time, how she flies.

Well, it's back to the grindstone for this guy. (gasps)

Whoa! Careful, Frank! That spill almost got you there.

Already lost one best work friend.

Don't need to lose another so soon.

Okay, you can let go now.

♪ ♪

(horn and alarm blaring)

(alarm ceases)

Hey-ey-ey! Tony, right? Funny seeing you here.

How are ya?

(groans)

How long you been stealing cars?

Who says I steal them?

(tires screech, horn honks)

Ow! f*ck!

You were in a Cayenne yesterday, hot-wiring a 911 today.

No, no, no. I lost my keys. m*therf*cker!

How long?

As long as I've been f*cking Fiona for.

Oh, f*ck!

And for dinner she made pork loin with caramelized apples with a side of iceberg lettuce that had a little oil and vinegar drizzled on it.

Oh, what I'd do for a little Roquefort, but with my high cholesterol and all...

I told you about that, right?

About an hour ago.

267. Your doctor wants it under 150.

Aw, you remember.

Anyway, after dinner, she cut some berries for dessert.

Strawberries, raspberries, blackberries.

Oh, f*ck! Ow, ow, ow!

Oh, sh1t!

Frank!

(gasps)

Frank?!

Here I come!

(Steve groans)

Second place sucks, huh?

Think this is only about Fiona?

Well, it f*ckin' seems that way!

Yeah? It's also about the little operation you got going on.

Yeah, I could cut you in.

Oh, yeah?

(groans)

You bribing an officer?

Wait, wait. The way that I figure it, there's not much you can do.

You bring me in, you risk Fiona hating you forever.

(panting) ah. Yeah, that's how I see it, too.

So, uh, I'm gonna leave it up to you.

What the hell does that mean, huh?

Come here. You got two choices: You could turn yourself in, spend a couple of years in jail.

Of course, by the time you get out, Fiona and I'll be married.

(spits)

In your dreams.

(stammers)

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait. What's the second choice?

You could save your ass. How?

Disappear tonight.

Walk away. Just leave everything behind.

Don't go back to your house.

Don't call her. Don't say good-bye. Just leave.

But you have to decide right now.

♪ I think I'm love drunk off one shot of you ♪
♪ I think I'm love drunk, and you're the proof ♪
♪ I think I'm love drunk, I'm chasing you, I think I'm... ♪

Nice ass.

Excuse me?

Ooh, don't mind him.

He thinks he's so funny. This is my husband Hal.

How's it going?

Hal... scared me there.

Almost had to give you a knee to the groin.

Jazzy's told me l about you.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Said you're gonna work for me.

I am?

She's the boss.

Don't give me that look. Come on.

Let's take a lap.

Uh-oh!

Stay out of trouble, Hal.

Thought that cute boyfriend of yours was coming.

Yeah, so did I.

(horn blares)

What the hell?!

Dispatch, this is off-duty Officer 2244 reporting a stolen vehicle:

license 7-2-Delta-Delta-Foxtrot-4, black new Porsche Cayenne heading eastbound on Carmac just past 36th Street.

(garbled police radio transmission)

♪ Dead and left for broke? No, not yet ♪

Well, Steve, possession of a stolen car is a fel...

♪ Far from the ground, no, you'll never bring us down ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Ripped, torn from the hands of the willing ♪
♪ Mum, that's what I'll keep and I mean it ♪
♪ No, say what I mean and I mean it ♪
♪ Done minding the tongue of the bigot ♪
♪ Dead and left for broke? ♪
♪ No, not yet ♪
♪ Far from the ground ♪

(distant sobbing)

(sobbing continues)

You all right?

Get the f*ck out of here!

Sorry.

Wait.

Come back here.

What happened to your hand?

Work thing.

Is your hair different or something?

Let me see.

(mumbling)

Sit!

Nah, nah, I really should get upstairs.

Are those pain pills?

Oxy. Give me one.

Oh, no, wait! No, don't you be taking all of those.

(groans)

Whoa! Wait!

What are you doing?

Oh, sh1t! Shh...

No, no, no...

STEVE: Leave a message.

Still not picking up?

No, keeps going straight to voicemail.

I have a bad feeling about this.

I'm sure there's a logical explanation, honey.

You wanna stick out to the bathroom? I have some party papers.

What?

A little 'pick me up'?

It'll make you feel better.

(phone rings)

Hello?

Yes.

What?

sh1t! No, I'll be right there.

My brothers were just arrested.

♪ I'm crazy, but I'm not afraid... ♪

Frank: No! (slurred moaning)

No, no! Whoa!

What do you think now, daddy? Am I still a whore?!

Ah! Mother of god!

(grunting continues)