02x09 - Hurricane Monica

For those of you who are too f*cking busy, here's what happened last week on Shameless...

Karen, when do you want me to come back in?!

Never! That girl that you're with, you'll knock her up. You'll get a job at Best Buy.

And from that point on, you won't be able to hold the job very long because you'll know the truth, that you never lived up to your potential.

I'm gonna give the baby up for adoption.

How mucho we get for the baby?

I introduce you to a pool of parents that want to adopt.

So you're a broker? I'm gay!

You're the one that's pretending to date Mandy so you can f*ck her brother.

Not doing this. Doing what?

Figure out that chick who's sitting on my sofa wearing your wedding ring, and then we'll talk.

Just don't give up on me.

You doing anything this afternoon?

We need a coach.

Fiona go to the games?

Never misses one.

Call me "Coach."

Who's your friend?

Heard you can help me.

Need an alibi. How much?

$1,500.

What are you doing?

Sending cash to my sons.

That will make Frank very happy.

Frank gets none.

You and Monica are over, Frank.

Me and Monica are getting married.

She's still married to me!

I have never, ever had any intention of getting back together with you, Frank.

Expelled? You win.

School or leave! What are you doing?

I'm not going back to school, so I guess it means I'm leaving.

Good-bye, Sheila.

Good-bye, Peg.

(sobbing)

Lip, come back!

♪ Think of all the luck you got ♪
♪ Know that it's not for naught ♪
♪ You were beaming once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so sure of? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Round up the friends you got ♪
♪ Know that they're not for naught ♪
♪ You were willing once before ♪
♪ But it's not like that anymore ♪
♪ What is this downside ♪
♪ That you speak of? ♪
♪ What is this feeling ♪
♪ You're so... ♪
♪ Sure of? ♪

(dishes clattering)

♪ ♪

(sighs)

Lip?

Debbie?

♪ No one likes to be a fool ♪

(clattering continues)

♪ Calling down on the telephone ♪

Lip?

Good morning, sweetheart.

Mom?

♪ Across the city, across the sea. ♪

We don't have any money.

Mimosa?

(phone rings)

Hello?

What? When?

Okay. Well, well, how much is that gonna cost?

I-I have to call you back with an answer.

Thank you.

Grammy died?

Honey, I am so sorry.

She was my mother. I'm the one who's hurting here.

That was the Cook County Hospital Morgue.

You need to claim her body or they're gonna cremate her.

I am done running around trying to please that woman.

Grammy died?

Debbie! Oh, Liam, look at you, my little Brown Bear.

Look how big you are!

How long is she staying?

Only forever and a day.

My camo pants still in the dryer?

Ian! It's Ian.

Hell is she doing here?

I asked your mother to come home.

Oh, wait, you live here now, too?

I made breakfast. Yeah, no, thanks.

Your mom spent a lot of time making that breakfast!

Sit down, eat it! This is bullshit.

Ian, wait.

I'm gonna wash his mouth out with soap.

You can wash mine out. I wanna fart bubbles.

Carlie!

Mom?

You're so big!

Come on, baby. I made you breakfast.

Sit do and eat.

Where's Lip?

IAN: My mom showed up today. She just came out of nowhere.

She staying? Never does.

Lip playing hooky today?

He, uh, dropped out of school.

So Fiona gave him the boot.

I think he's staying with Karen.

See, Karen's like cancer: You know, you kill it in one spot, pops up in another.

You okay?

Yeah.

How's, uh, Mickey holding up in juvie?

Called me a fuck-twat, so he seems okay.

You should visit him.

Yeah, he's a little pissed at me for something.

Thinks I pussied out.

Did you? Kinda.

(school bell rings)

You're lucky your mom's dd. Yeah.

So weird to have someone here, and then they're just... gone.

I know. What happens to their soul?

Maybe it's like what happened to Karen in utero.

She was a twin, and then she just absorbed the other one.

Whoa. You mean, like, maybe Peggy's soul got absorbed by us?

Maybe.

Rats!

It says in order to have a hospice license, I have to get a nursing degree.

University of River Phoenix.

It's all online. Seen the ads on TV.

Huh.

Hey! Hi!

Karen...

I know it's your choice, but I just want to go on record as saying I think you should consider keeping the baby.

And Jody.

No offense, Lip. None taken.

Since Frank bailed, can I dump his Speed Stick and English Leather and put my stuff back in the medicine cabinet?

Oh, sweetheart, you know, both of you come sit down.

Sweetie... ur grandmother's passing has taken quite a toll on Frank.

He just needs some time alone.

Mom, he packed a duffle bag and left.

Sometimes when people love each other very much, they need time apart, so when they come back together, their love is even stronger.

Okay, Mom.

Thanks for the talk, Mrs. Jackson.

Sure.

(hushed): Karen... is Lip gonna stay overnight again tonight?

I told you, he's just a friend. Needs a place to stay.

Lip is very nice, but I hope you see what a catch Jody is.

Jody's an idiot.

Give it time.

"Then the window draws full upon your mind.

There, beyond the sway of curtains, men walk."

Maya Angelou said that.

I'm pretty sure she wasn't talking about Jody, but thanks, Mom.

Okay.

Are you really gonna do this every morning?

Do what?

Show up, try to woo me?

I'm looking for Lip.

Uh-huh. What, I can't be friends with your brother?

No, you can't.

Are we gonna have a funeral? No.

Who died?

Grammy.

Wow. I'm sorry, guys.

A funeral requires a body, and your father hasn't picked her up yet.

So she's just laying somewhere all alone?

Uh, we could have a memorial. I mean, you don't need a body for that.

I spy doughnuts!

Hey, check it out, Steve. It's a bloody butthole.

STEVE: (chuckles): Awesome, dude!

School. Let's go.

Lunch?

sh1t!

We already had that for breakfast.

You know, sometimes astronauts would have breakfast.

Lip never came back after he blew out of here.

Check at Karen's.

Karen's? Isn't she married?

Aren't you?

Technicality.

Good-bye.

Oh, such sweet sorrow.

CARL: You gonna drive us?

Absolutely. No, he's not.

I mean it, Steve. Stop coming around.

Who was that?

Are you still gonna be here when we get home from school?

Absolutely.

CARL: I told you so.

Shut up! You didn't believe her either.

You know what I think?

I think we should paint your room a new color today.

Here. Go now!

MONICA: Have fun at school!

Hey...

I got this.

So, where is Lip? Really? That's what you want to ask me? Should've known.

He's always been your favorite.

That is not true, Fiona. Oh, that's right.

You're your favorite.

So, uh...

Bob throw you out, or you walk out on her, too?

Your father came to me. He needed me.

Told me you needed me, too.

He lied. We don't.

I'm sorry. I'm here now.

I want to try and start over.

Will you let me?

Lip dropped out of school.

I told him, back in school or he couldn't live here.

You threw him out?

He left.

He's family, Fiona.

Lip chose to leave this family.

That sound familiar?

(toilet flushing)

Look at my two girls, together in the kitchen.

I don't know which one of you is prettier.

I don't have time for this.

I got to get Liam dressed. Where you taking him?

He comes to work with me. No, that's silly. Leave him home.

With who? FRANK: His mother.

Come on, let me prove to you that I can take care of him, please.

(giggling)

You're gonna be me all day?

Absolutely.

You're not going to ave with him?

Run off and join the circus or some crazy sh1t like that?

I just want to take care of my baby, Fiona.

(cooing)

Thank you.

Ooh, we're going to have so much fun, my little Brown Bear.

Uh, milk and water from the sippy cup.

Got it. And he's got to drink it from a big boy cup.

I'm going to drink a beer from a big boy cup.

Want to watch?

(Liam cooing)

FRANK and MONICA: Yeah.

You know, I saw Choady sneaking out when we came in. My mom lets him in when I'm not home.

It's like having a wet Labrador.

(exhales) f*cking clueless.

So... how long are you planning on staying?

What, you mean here?

Mom wants to know.

Says I have to charge you rent.

Your mom wants me to pay rent?

Well, how much?

$100 a week.

What aunt dead daddy's insurance money?

My check's tied up at the claims department.

I could stay in the basement.

Could knock $20 off, but... still going have to charge you.

f*ck you, Karen.

Isn't that how we got into this mess?

You know what? And f*ck me going on any more of the adoption interviews. You know, good luck signing off on an adoption without the biological father's signature.

I'll get Frank to go with me.

Might not even have to cut him in.

(chuckles)

♪ Till you walked out the door ♪
♪ And I've seen that face before ♪
♪ Now I'll always wonder why... ♪

VERONICA: I'm always pleasantly surprised we don't find dead hookers cut up in the toilets.

There's still time.

Where's Liam?

Monica dumped Bob and showed up on our doorstep to play house.

She insisted on watching Liam today.

He's probably got his tongue in an outlet by now.

Oh, sh1t. I'm sorry. First thing she did was bu my balls for kicking Lip out.

You didn't kick him out.

Feel like I might have, giving him an ultimatum.

I miss him.

Especially with Monica home.

Lip usually has my back in that fight.

See, this is the kind of sh1t I'm afraid of happening if Kev and I have a kid or two.

Little fuckers gang up on you.

I've seen this movie before.

Monica comes home long enough to reunite with Frank, gets knocked up with another kid, then splits.

Not this time.

Not gonna let her ruin Debbie and Carl's lives, too.

Trash can's a foot away, people.

Why you got to be such nasty pigs?

Human nature.

Given the choice, people usually do the wrong thing.

(sighs)

Can't take it anymore.

I'm going to run home, check on Liam before we hit the ground floor.

Not a lot of trust in Monica.

Might be nice to have some time for an actual life while she's around.

Ain't you just the queen of silver linings?

Live a little while you can.

Ugh.

(laughing)

(phone rings) What?

Hey, where'd you disappear to?

I didn't know I had to report to you, but if you must know, school.

Right. Look.

I'm sorry about that sh1t that happened earlier.

Give me the rest of the day to find a new place to stay?

Fine.

And, um...

I want to go on the rest of the adoption meetings with you, all right?

You know, I-I'd kind of like to have a say in where this kid might end up.

Well, go if you f*cking want to go, but I don't need help or handouts from anyone.

(knocking)

Hey, Ron.

I need to talk to you.

What the hell are you doing here?

My wife's inside.

Thing is, I'm kind of pregnant, and it's yours.

What? I want to get an abortion, but I can't afford it, and I can't apply for a credit card 'cause I'm not 18.

(whispering): Hang on.

We had fun, though, didn't we?

(clucks tongue)

Sometimes, when I see the word "hospice" on the screen, I pronounce it "ho spice" in my head.

Isn't that silly?

Sometimes I do that with "butt... ermilk."

But... "ermilk's" not really a word.

Did you just hear what you just said?

You said, "Buttermilk's not really a word."

Oh. I did.

(clattering upstairs, Sheila gasps)

Did you hear that?

Been hearing a lot of weird noises the last few days.

So have I.

Don't think I'm crazy, but sometimes I think Eddie's spirit is still in this house.

(creaking, rumbling upstairs)

Eddie?

Eddie?

(moaning and grunting)

Mom had a huge chunk of cash lying around before she kicked it.

Aah! How much?

75 large. Oh, God!

I think it's at Sheila's. Get it.

Hmm? Get it, and give it to me.

Yeah? Okay. Yeah. Give it to me.

Oh! Jesus Christ!

Really? In the kitchen?

I thought you were working, honey.

Where's Liam? BOTH: He's sleeping!

And I will remind you this is our house and we can make love in any room we want to.

Your kids eat off that table!

Let's f*ck in her room next.

(both laughing)

MONICA (downstairs): Give it to me! Give it to me!

(clattering)

(sighs)

♪ "C" sounds like "ssss" ♪
♪ When it begins words like "circle..." ♪

Circle doesn't start with an "S"? What the f*ck?

♪ Like cat... ♪

Cat! I know that sh1t, bitch.

That's a cat! You ordering sh1t off the TV again?

Just a little bit of this, honey.

Just a little bit of this!

Hey, I'll see you after work. All right.

(door closes) LIP: Bitch Karen's trying to make me pay rent. Can you believe that sh1t?

KEVIN: Hey, you want to play a quick game of Saints Row: The Third before my shift?

What, you got it? Hell, yeah, I got it.

I waited in line.

Hey, um... cool if I stay at your place a couple days? sh1t, yeah.

Kevin.

Kitchen.

Lip is not staying with us.

We are not getting in the middle of this Gallagher sh1t storm.

You guys are taking Fiona's side on this?

Fiona will have our asses for harboring her fugitive.

What if we adopt Lip as our own?

Wouldn't that change everything?

Damn. Calm down. Go home Lip.

I'm sorry, dude. You can't stay here.

Well, what the f*ck, man?

Yeah, well, thanks for all your help, Kev.

Your taxes done or your liquor commission test taken or you get your tongue stuck to a frozen pole, all right?

(door slams)

I like to wash her late in the day.

In the sun, the water can dry too fast and leave spots.

Good to know.

She send you?

No. She doesn't know I'm here.

She needs you, Bob.

You're the best thing that ever happened to her.

I don't want sh1t to do with that bitch anymore.

Especially now that her snatch is on that nasty old Irish cock of Frank's.

Pass.

You don't love her?

Love ain't got nothing to do with it.

Living with Monica was like living with a black hole.

Drained my spirit and my bank account.

Bitch spent all my money on meditation retreats and unfinished, half-assed home renovations!

Thank the good Lord Frank showed up when he did.

Frank came looking for her?

Crying like a little bitch about his dead mama.

sh1t, they're pathetic-- both of them!

Monica's your problem now.

Presenting His and Her Lordship, Frank and Monica Gallagher!

(patrons hooting and cheering)

Holy sh1t.

About time.

You still got an open tab running, bitch.

Kate! How are you, baby?

Better without your bad influence.

Oh, please, give me a break.

Hey, Monica.

Hi, Gus! Wow.

New tattoo? Yeah, yeah.

Good one, huh? Oh, Kev!

You remembered.

Irish Car Bomb. How could I forget?

I'll have one of those, too, K-Ball.

You can't handle an Irishar Bomb.

You look good, Moni. You back on your meds?

Ah, hell, no.

That crap makes me all foggy and gets me fat.

Besides, I am not bipolar.

(Frank laughing)

Give me a dollar.

Good to see ya, Monica. Here you go, Frank.

(Patsy Cline's "Walkin' After Midnight" plays)

(whispers): Dance with me.

♪ I go out walkin' after midnight ♪
♪ Out in the moonlight just like we used to do ♪
♪ I'm goin' walking... ♪

When they're good, they're good.

I'm betting two weeks, three tops.

♪ After midnight, searchin' for you ♪
♪ I walk for miles along the highway... ♪

I love you, baby. Aw.

♪ Well, that's just my way of sayin' I love you ♪

She's in a better place, Frankie.

♪ I'm always walkin' after midnight searchin' for you ♪

(sobbing)

♪ I stop to see a weepin' willow cryin' on his pillow ♪
♪ Maybe he's cryin' for me... ♪

FRANK: Most fun with...

Oh, my golly, I'm getting felt up everywhere.

You are going into my...

Come in. Take your coat off. Stay a while. Take all your clothes off.

Get nude.

Are you kidding me? Oh, my baby.

Like a library in here.

♪ I remember ♪
♪ How the stars stole the night away... ♪

(music stops)

Can you take this somewhere else, please?

It's a school night. The kids are already asleep.

FRANK: Oh, come on!

You know Carl can sleep through anything. Hey, hey!

Everybody, I found some chips and semihard doughnuts.

STELLA: Semihard will still knock you up!

♪ Ba-de-ya ♪
♪ Say, do you remember ♪
♪ Ba-de-ya... ♪

Hey. Some of us want to graduate and do something with our lives, so how about you all shut the f*ck up and let me sleep?

Do not talk to your mother like that, little fucker. Hey!

Hey.

(groans) Jesus!

Apologize to him. What?

Apologize!

I'm sorry.

What is going on?

Grab your earplugs, go back to bed, Debs.

(gasps) Debbie!

Hi, honey. Debs, now.

Debs, you want to come play?

Yeah.

No. Butt off, Beezus.

Monica's got to go.

She's your mother, Fi.

(music resumes)

You only get one.

It's like watching a hurricane head for shore.

You had Monica for years before she took her little sabbatical.

Give Debbie some Mommy time.

Why am I always the one compromising?

Nights like tonight are legend.

A memory Debs can carry with her always.

Don't screw her out of that.

Might be the only one she gets.

♪ Only blue talk and love, remember ♪
♪ The true love we share today ♪
♪ Ba-de-ya ♪
♪ Say, do you remember ♪
♪ Ba-de-ya ♪
♪ Dancing in September? ♪
♪ Ba-de-ya... ♪

20 minutes, Debs, then back in bed.

(grunting)

♪ Ba-de-ya-de-ya ♪
♪ Say, do you remember ♪
♪ Ba-de-ya-de-ya ♪
♪ Dancing in September? ♪

Out of my seat.

What, this seat? You got to have this seat?

All right. (stammers)

It's all yours, pal.

(laughter)

Shh.

(laughing)

Mom hid the money in here somewhere.

FRANK (à la Elmer Fudd): Be vewy quiet.

I'm hunting wabbits.

(laughing)

(clattering)

SHEILA: Just the house... settling.

Wind. It's... the wind settling the house.

(laughing, clattering)

(gasps, screams)

FRANK: Shh! Shh!

Karen?

(groans)

Smells like Bengay in here.

Karen?

(creaking)

(whispering): Look inside the cushions.

Mom was always a big cushion hider.

Okay.

(clattering)

(Monica laughing)

(grunts)

(sighs)

Nope.

(whirring)

(whimpers)

(whispering): Go. What?

No! No, no, no!

Wait, wait, wait.

SHEILA: Eddie?

Is that you?

I don't know exactly what it is... that you want...

But I'm... I'm here to talk.

Can you talk, Eddie?

Well, that's a silly question, isn't?

'Cause, if you couldn't, you wouldn't be able to tell me.

(screaming)

(both screaming)

(screaming)

Huh?!

Hey, Professor, you got a minute?

Got a classroom full of freshmen staring at a Smart Board.

Just wondering if you, uh, had any work for me.

Work after school?

Uh, no, I, uh... I-I dropped out.

I got a baby on the way.

Was wondering if you could hook me up as a TA or something.

You can't do sh1t without a diploma.

Well, tell them I'm an idiot savant or something.

I'll tell them you're an idiot.

When don't you call me when you graduate with a 4.5 GPA?

Wow, so, uh, under the liberal beard lives an uptight bourgeois prick.

You think I like being a soothsayer and watching you live out your Jerry Springer fate?

Congratulations-- you're a high school dropout with a pregnant girlfriend.

And the only thing that's missing for you is a job at Mickey D's.

And if you work really hard, you might get your picture with the dead eyes in the employee of the month frame over the cash register.

Huh?

That would be fun, wouldn't it?

Go back to school.


(whirring)

(murmuring)

(whirring stops)

Good boy.

Yum.

What's this? There's no more room in this world for another Gallagher.

Birth control-- you either hop on the Ortho bandwagon or leave.

It's okay to take it with your shrink meds.

I checked.

That the same speech you gave Lip?

Same speech, different outcome. Thanks.

No biggie. If they haven't shut down our Planned Parenthood yet, we can make you an appointment to get your own RX. No.

Thanks for everything.

For taking care of my kids, my house, my husband.

We all did it.

No.

You did it, Fi.

And I know what a huge sacrifice it must have been.

And I can probably never make it up to you, but I want to try.

Thanks.

So the whole...

Bob thing was just a phase or what?

(sighs)

(chuckles)

You sure you're not going to need these?

Mmm. Not lately, but who knows?

What about the guy who came by yesterday?

Steve.

I remember him.

He's cute.

I would totally hit that.

Ew. Mom!

No, I'm not gonna. Better not.

I'm already up against a hot Brazilian.

He's got a girlfriend?

Wife.

Fiona!

Oh, you're going to judge me?

(laughs)

So... how we gonna get rid of her?

(Liam coos) Yeah.

(laughing)

She's gone!

She's gone!

Oh, this is nice.

Estefania's dad.

Huh. Now, you realize you guys basically have the same name, right?

Look, I can get you back in my sister's lap if you let me stay here for a bit.

How long you need to stay?

Just till I'm back on my feet.

Well, always saw myself living with a Gallagher.

Just always thought it would be Fiona.

Listen, you put me up for a bit, it'll piss her off so much she'll be back at your doorstep in a heartbeat.

Listen-- maybe, in exchange for staying here, you can help me out.

Putting together a pretty big deal.

I-I don't know.

Last time I helped you out with a deal, I ended handcuffed to a bench.

You know how to hack a voice mail?

Probably. For the right price.

(speaking Portuguese)

Hi. Oh.

Right. Remember me?

Uh, Lip.

(speaking Portuguese)

Oh, that's...

There's a robe in the bathroom.

You can use the robe.

El robio.

Jesus.

R-Robio.

Oh, bye-bye.

Okay.

(speaking portuguese)

sh1t, man, I got to be somewhere.

You got a key?

Uh, I'll leave one for you at the front desk. Here.

I'll, uh, do my best, Mr. Murdoch.

Hearing from you was a wonderful surprise. Oh.

I thought we'd lost you for good.

Well, my recently-deceased husband was born again.

Mm-hmm.

So we went to that church with all the guitars and the minister with the Hawaiian shirt.

Well, I'm just so glad that you accepted my invitation.

Actually, there was a favor I wanted to ask.

Mm-hmm.

(clattering)

Someone else home?

No.

Do you believe in evil spirits, Father?

I believe people can become harassed by evil spirits as a result of evil actions.

Hmm. Until they repent, those spirits linger.

Well, any idea how one might cast them out of one's house before one opens a hospice business?

Well, in Matthew 5:22, Jesus says that we need to repent... Mm-hmm.

Forgive and love.

Is there someone you need to forgive?

Anything you need to repent?

♪ ♪

Relax.

(Frank screams)

Go into the light!

Nothing comes to mind.

But I'll pray on it.

Jody! My man!

Hey, Frank.

You just missed lunch.

Just getting something from the Kash and Grab.

Headed there myself.

Really sorry about your mom, man.

Must be tough. It is.

There's so much I still want to say to her.

So many questions.

She loved you, Frank.

Just didn't know how to say it.

Yes. I know that now.

Also know she was sitting on a pretty big pile of money.

Wanted me to act as an executor of her will.

Any idea where she kept the cash?

In the cushions.

(laughs)

I knew it.

But then she divided it up.

Gave Sheila a grand to say thanks and had me mail the rest.

What? Mail it?

Where? To who?

Whom. What?

To whom.

To whom the f*ck did she mail the f*cking money?!

They were all Gallagher names.

It was, uh, Wyatt, Clayton, I think.

My f*cking brothers?!

Where were they at the bitter end?! Holding her hand?!

No, that was--

That bitch!

sh1t!

Talk to you later.

f*ck!

Goddamn it!

(door closes)

Oh, sh1t.

Carl, I might've shrunk your jersey.

Oh, hi.

I thought you were Carl.

Mom?

This is Little Hank.

That's your mom?

MONICA: Hey, handsome.

Made some cookies.

(mouthing)

Did you pick up Grammy's body yet?

No, not yet, honey.

It's expensive.

I have some money. No.

Look at you.

Like living with a slutty Doris Day.

(chuckles)

Did you have any luck finding it?

Nope.

No? Not even in her box of horrors.

Mom sent it to my brothers Deb, I made you a matching cheer outfit!

It's up on your bed.

Grammy's body?

Not too cute in a cheer outfit.

Where is she?

They've got her on ice, honey.

There's no rush.

Heard a girl's mom's the best way to tell how a girl's gonna look.

You're gonna be a f*cking fox, man.

(snickers)

Hey, sweetie.

I made some cookies.

Oh, so now we're, like, square for you abandoning us and everything.

Hey.

Are you coming with us to Carl's game?

Yeah, I'm going to Carl's game.

I always go to Carl's games, 'cause I actually give a sh1t.

Ian Clayton Gallagher, I told you, do not talk to your mother like that.

You haven't even claimed your mom's body from the morgue and you want to tell me how to treat mine?

MONICA: He's got a point.

Your dad told me about the kid in the store.

You must be sad having someone you care about in jail.

But you should never feel ashamed about what and who you are.

I'm not.

Well, when I was with Roberta, I was proud.

No, it wasn't a perfect relationship, but we were never ashamed.

Maybe you should have been.

So how about, after Carl's game, I take you out?

Cheer you up.

Maybe.

Less ogling, more hacking.

Jesus, I'm in the voice mailbox.

I just need to figure out how to copy the messages without people being able to tell they were ever listened to.

You want to tell me what this is all about?

Less you know, the better.

Now I'm off to lead a pack of tiny, testosteroned animals to victory.

Gonna warm 'em up and give 'em my best Fray Night Lights speech about hearts and eyes or some sh1t.

I don't know.

Where go? Uh, the game.

Football.

I go.

Uh, Lip, you mind bringing Este later?

What do you think?

Uh, Lip will bring you later.

You go con Lip.

Ah, yes!

I come on Lip.

With!

You come with Lip.

Okay?

(door closes)

(phone beeps)

(speaking Portuguese)

♪ You haven't even put me to your mouth yet ♪
♪ And I'm already ready to blow ♪

(moans)

(speaking Portuguese)

♪ White satin sheets untouched for weeks ♪
♪ Not even your girlfriends know ♪
♪ I swear if you touch me I'm gonna explode ♪
♪ Plume of smoke for sure ♪

(panting, moaning)

♪ And there ain't no way ♪
♪ For me to make it out tonight ♪

(crowd cheering)

(whistle blows)

Come on Carl!

I'll take two.

Your family's pretty cool, Red.

Hut!

Go, go, go!

(shouting)

(booing)

(whistle blows)

MONICA: Lip!

Lip! Come on, honey, sit down.

Come on, sit with us!

What, I'm off the boat for one minute and there's a f*cking mutiny?

Yeah, well no one told you to get out of the boat.

Actually, you did.

Hey, Lip, don't be mad at Fiona.

Come on. Hey, Monica, shut up.

You know what, like most of my life, this has nothing to do with you. I sit?

What? Yeah, sit. Wherever's fine.

Oh, you babysitting now? Roommate.

You're living at Steve's?

Yeah, no curfews, no ultimatums, no befriending the enemy behind my back.

Come on. She just showed up. What was I supposed to do?

Oh, really?

Oh, you're just gonna storm off like a baby?!

Too bad there's no door you can slam!

Your son's a real prick.

Hut!

(cheering)

That's what I'm talking about! Yeah!

Yes! All right, nice effort out there, D'Shawn.

Just try throwing the ball to someone on your own team next time.

Lip's living with you?

He was sleeping on the El. Kid had nowhere else to go.

They're ten. Have them run the ball, for Christ's sake.

(crowd shouting, cheering)

(whistle blows)

You're going out. You're going out. Go, go, go, go, go, go!

So, my friend Flying Crow... Yeah?

...said smudging is a surefire way to get rid of evil spirits in a house.

Be gone, spirits.

In the name of our Savior Jesus Christ, we ask that you leave.

And you don't want to piss him off, so just go, okay?

I really am so sorry about all of this with Karen.

Her throwing you out.

I-I feel so responsible for her behavior.

Don't.

It's not your fault she's going through a hard time.

Yes, but even so, you deserve better.

You're a good man, Jody.

We should pray on it.

Yeah.

Why don't you get your own fries?

'Cause I want to eat yours.

So, I was minding my own business, listening in on Estefania's phone call.

Turns out she's totally in love with some other guy.

You know, she's playing Steve.

So?

So you think I should tell him about it?

What's in it for you if you do?

It's not about me.

Exactly. If there's no money involved, don't get other people's sh on your shoes.

So you're saying if I was rich, then you'd consider keeping the kid with me?

How rich? Because if you were that rich, there's no way you'd think you still wanted this kid.

You might think you do now, but in the long run?

Hi. Hi.

I'm Alana. This is Jeff.

Sorry I got started without you guys.

Have to keep the little guy fed.

So, you're 17?

Oh, yeah, we both are.

So, what do you drive?

Your cars? Um, I drive a Lexus and Alana's got a Volvo.

Two cars.

You guys are flush.

(elevator bell dings)

Uh, is Lip here?

Oh, no.

Lip no home.

STEVE: Nice surprise. Throw him out.

What? He needs to be in school.

I'm not his father, and more importantly, you're not his mother. Yeah.

If I was, I would've beaten him black and blue with a wooden spoon. You don't always have to be responsible for everyone, Fiona.

Excuse me?

Monica's back.

Enjoy it.

Take the GED.

Read a book.

f*ck you.

Truth?

I took in the bear cub looking to rile the adult female.

Hoping she'd charge over here.

Dangerous.

She might rip your head off.

Hasn't yet.

Truth?

I'm here to see Estefania.

Really?

Hey, Este, Fiona wants to take you out tonight.

Huh? Uh, drinking.

Dancing.

Con Fiona. Ah!

(speaking Portuguese)

You're such an asshole.

Enemies closer, right?

He can't stay here.

Promise me you'll kick him out.

ESTEFANIA: Ah, Lip.

LIP: What the hell was that about?

You.

(dance music plays)

MONICA: Me and Bob used to come here.

It's a great mix of gay, lesbian, bi and some cool breeders.

It's, uh, a little weird being ut" with you.

No shame, baby.

See? But don't even think about coming out at school.

Somebody in that neighborhood will knife you, for sure.

Think I'll get carded?

Nah. You're the bread and butter here.

They need fresh meat to keep the old guys coming in.

Ooh. 3:00. That guy is totally checking you out.

You're kidding, right?

sh1t, 9:00.

♪ 'Cause tomorrow morning, we'll be leaving ♪

That kind of takes your mind off the kiin juvie, right?

♪ You better jump right in ♪
♪ Tomorrow morning, we'll be leaving ♪

He's in there 'cause of me.

♪ Let's keep it rockin' till daylight ♪
♪ Gotta live like we got one night ♪
♪ One night, one night, gotta live like... ♪

I'm sorry you're hurting, baby.

♪ 'Cause you know we just got one life, one life, one life ♪

Want to dance?

♪ Falling in love on the dance floor ♪

Okay, okay.

♪ Girl, you and me will make this last forever ♪
♪ Whoa-oh-oh ♪
♪ The future is so bright ♪

Here's to shirking responsibilities, not working for the man, and the women love.

All right.

(sighing)

Does Fiona talk about me?

What, you're gonna break your happy home with Estefania?

I'm not in love with her, but I sh1t myself every time I think about what her dad would do if I dumped her.

That's goo 'cause she doesn't love you either.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

No, I heard them on the phone.

Pretty hot and heavy.

Sneaky bitch.

She's such a f*cking bitch. I mean, how do you put up with her? You...

Estefania? No, f*cking Fiona.

You know what? she was right to kick you out of the house.

You should be in school.

Yeah, well, maybe I'll enroll again in May.

Just in time to take your wife to prom.

(clattering)

Okay.

Uh, I'm gonna change.

Uh, my-my clothes.

Okay.

Uno momento. Si?

Okay.

FRANK: Why don't you just donate her to science?

Don't want her!

Listen, please, don't throw her away.

I-I... how much would it cost to bury her?

That much?

I'm just so wasted right now.

Could we talk about this tomorrow?

Please?

Thank you.

(phone clicks)

My mother, even dead, she's a pain in the ass.

Hey! Hi, you guys!

Wha...

Hey, hey.

Who is this?

IAN: Uh, that is Steve's wife.

Oh, the Brazilian!

Hi! We brought doughnuts and a bucket of chicken. Oh!

Look what the cat drug in.

Hey, what are you doing? Come on.

(cheering and shouting)

(The Kinks playing)

This is not okay.

Oh, come on. Fi!

Fi, will you just...

(dance music plays) Now it is.

Why the hell weren't we invited?

Vodka, lemonade, blender.

(music stops)

Everybody, shut up.

Hey! Debbie would like to take this opportunity to say a few words about Grammy Gallagher.

Well, I guess what I'm gonna say is that Grammy will be missed.

And if she's watching right now, I want her to know that we love her.

IAN: To Grammy.

ALL: Grammy!

(laughter)

I love this.

Being back with you guys, it's like the best rush in the world.

(laughter continues) KEVIN: I been working on it.

♪ A drug that's the high and not the pill ♪
♪ But did you know that when it snows ♪
♪ My eyes become large ♪
♪ And the light that you shine can't be seen? ♪
♪ Baby ♪ Mom. JODY: Look at me!

♪ I compare you to ♪ Oh!

Mom?

Can I come in? SHEILA: Uh, no, honey, not right now.

I have to... um, I'm busy with something.

♪ Now that your rose is in bloom...

♪ (grunting resumes)

(urinating)

♪ Ba-da-da ba-da-da-da-da-da ba-da-da. ♪

(groaning)

Where the hell did you go?

Don't be mad.

I went ahead and paid for your mom's ashes.

You need the closure, baby.

I can't believe she's really gone.

(footsteps approach)

(sighs)

Your mother... was a real c**t.

Amen.

Breakfast of champions, I see.

Gallagher!

(screams) I paid you!

I paid you, Terry!

What the...?! sh1t!

MONICA: What the f*ck, Milkovich?!

Get the f*ck off me, you crazy bitch; this ain't about you.

MONICA: Frank, what the hell did you do?

Why is it always my fault?

TERRY: My... little... princess...

MONICA: Leave him alone!

My Mandy's pregnant, and this little sh1t's gonna pay.

Atta boy.