[glass shatters]
Jesus!
Can't you see I'm working?
I don't got time for this sh*t.
Come on.
Get outta here!
[Faye]
Frank!
I just wanna make sure you're okay.
Maybe when I get back from Puerto Rico, - we can grab a coffee?
- [glass shatters]
I spend the winters down there.
[laughs]
So Debbie and I are f*cking.
You're gay?
I hate vaginas.
I just wanted to piss you off.
Rich people are crazy.
f*ckin' nuts.
- You wanna f*ck?
- f*ck yeah.
[Kev]
This place is for rent.
We should call the number, check it out.
Kev Ball's Keg Zone.
Keg curls.
I've been to every home in Glencoe looking for you.
Does anyone else know I'm here?
Nobody.
We're having a wedding wedding?
Just want you to know, you marry a man, I'ma put a f*ckin' b*llet in your head.
Don't say I didn't warn you, cocksmoker.
[Lip]
I rented that house.
My family, this neighborhood is my support system.
I would love if you would help me make that house a home.
[rock music]
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of?
What is this feeling You're so sure of?
Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of?
What is this feeling You're so sure of?
[train rattling loudly]
[mellow acoustic music]
[grunts softly]
[exhales heavily]
[door squeaks open]
Tami.
[knocking]
Tami, you up?
Coffee's on.
Tami.
- [Liam]
Mickey's the bride?
- [Ian]
Nope.
Groom.
- So you're the bride.
- No.
Also a groom.
- Who's wearing the white tux?
- [Ian]
Mickey.
- Take your meds yet?
- [Ian]
Yes.
- [Carl]
Gonna be a stressful day.
- Got it.
You pickin' those up?
Yeah.
Frank walking you down the aisle?
Grooms, remember?
- [Liam]
Is he coming?
- God, I hope not.
- [Liam]
He's in Glencoe.
- Great.
I hope he stays there.
Hey.
I gotta go out for a bit.
You take your meds yet?
It's gonna be a stressful day.
- Yes.
First thing.
- [Lip]
All right.
Hey, we gotta meet at the Bamboo Lotus at two for photos.
Okay.
Got it.
Hey, how much did these tuxes cost?
Um, Mickey rented them at some fancy place downtown.
Where's Mickey getting all the money for this?
- Savings, he says.
- [scoffs]
"Savings"?
- [door bangs]
- [women scream]
- [man grunts]
- On the floor, m*therf*ckers!
[g*n cocking]
[upbeat rock music]
I don't really wanna know.
Father Pete marrying you?
Father Pete's Catholic.
- Pope won't let him marry gay people.
- But Father Pete's gay.
Lives in the rectory with the organist with the nipple ring.
Wait.
The organist at Saint Sebastian's got a nipple ring?
[Ian]
Reverend Sally's doing the ceremony.
She's Episcopalian.
They'll marry anybody.
Yeah, those are nice, right?
Mm-hmm.
- [Mickey]
Take your meds?
- [Ian]
[sighs]
Yes.
- Good.
- [Ian grunts]
[Carl]
Serious?
The f*ck out, shithead.
[quirky rock music]
You get them anything for the wedding?
Yeah.
Edible boxers.
Not very imaginative.
I wanna get them something special, but no money.
You can go in on the boxers with me.
They got a honeymoon car?
What's a honeymoon car?
- A car you take to your honeymoon.
- [slurps, spits]
Eh, they'll probably just stay at the Love Canal for the night, take a bus or something.
[grunts]
- Hey, you might wanna - Mm-hmm.
- I'm gonna take a deuce.
- Yep.
[grunts]
Dress.
Dress.
Dress.
Dress.
Dress.
Dress.
Dress.
- Dress.
Dress.
Dress.
- No, sweetie.
Hey, the wedding isn't till this afternoon, okay?
Please, Mommy.
Now.
[Sandy]
What is she on about?
She wants to wear her flower girl dress again.
Why the hell not?
She's only gonna wear it once.
[chuckles]
Okay, sweetie.
- Go on.
- Yay!
It's hanging on the ironing board in the kitchen.
[squeals playfully]
Go.
[Franny babbles softly]
Uh, so about last night.
Mm.
[sirens wailing distantly]
Yeah.
[both chuckle]
Cool.
So We gotta be at the Bamboo at nine for the flower delivery.
And then the caterers are delivering the chairs and sh*t at ten.
So You think your uncle's serious about sh**ting Mickey?
Serious as a heart att*ck.
But he probably won't do it at the wedding.
Too many witnesses.
- [cell phone dings]
- He'll wait till Mickey's alone somewhere or walking to the L or Holy sh-sh*t.
What?
It's on fire.
What's on fire?
The Bamboo Lotus.
It's on fire!
Dude, it's on f*cking fire!
f*ck is going on?
Debs.
[sirens wailing]
Oh f*ck.
[Carl]
What the hell's going on?
What is that?
The Bamboo Lotus.
What?
[Carl]
The wedding place?
It's on fire.
[fire roaring firefighters yelling]
Terry?
What do you think?
m*therf*cker.
[Ian]
Oh, sh*t.
[Sandy]
f*ck.
Mickey!
[heavy rock music]
[Ian]
Mickey!
Mickey!
[bellowing]
Terry Milkovich!
- You f*ckin' pig fucker!
- [Ian]
Mickey.
- [Sandy]
Jesus, Mick!
- I'm coming for you, you son of a bitch!
[Mickey]
What the f*ck, Sandy?
[Sandy]
Give me the f*cking g*n, Mick.
- [g*nsh*t]
- [Ian]
Oh, sh*t.
Ow!
- sh*t!
- [Mickey shouts]
- [Mickey]
f*ckin' - [Ian]
Get the cuffs.
[Mickey struggling]
[exhales]
You done?
[panting]
- [grunts]
- [Ian]
No!
You gonna make me hit you again?
f*ck you, Gallagher!
[Ian grunts]
[Mickey groans]
[Ian]
Now are you done?
[panting]
Yeah.
Yeah.
sh*t.
Peeled off all the skin Around my fingernails Come on, Milo.
Push that 60.
There you go.
Gotta work off that avocado "kumbacha" smoothie or whatever the f*ck you drink.
Jasper, are you kidding me?
Can you go slower?
Full rotations, man!
Do you want your name under p*ssy of the Day?
Is that what you want, Jasper?
Is it safe if I park my Tesla out front?
Hell no, it ain't safe, Homer.
This is the ghetto, man.
Get in here and grab two kegs and give me 30 curls now.
- [Arlo]
You Kevin?
- [Kev]
The f*ck do you think?
- Lorne sent me.
- So?
[retches]
Way to go, Oscar.
Puke is pride.
I wanna join.
Uh, you take Amex?
"Amex.
" Cash only!
$50 per session up front, plus another $40 for the T-shirt.
ATM is right there.
[rock music playing over speakers]
You're out of spring water.
I am?
All right.
Grab a sledge.
Start working the wall.
Willem!
Get off the damn phone!
If I see you on that thing one more time, it's going in the puke barrel.
You hear me, fat boy?
[grunting]
Harder, Milo!
Come on, man.
Get it up.
[hammer thudding, wall rattling]
What do you have them doing over there?
Bashin' a hole in the wall to connect the gym to The Alibi.
[Veronica]
How long's that gonna take?
Ah, with my pasty propeller-heads swinging the hammers, twins'll be grandparents first, but I'm gonna finish the rest myself later.
[grunts softly]
What the hell are you doing?
[Kev]
Making natural spring water.
My Keggers love to hydrate.
You don't sterilize the bottles first or anything?
No.
f*ck those Facebook assholes.
They need the germs, strengthen their oat milk-drinking immune systems.
What is oat milk?
The extra watery sh*t that sits on top when you make oatmeal.
[Kev]
Hey, V, can you get me some more of those $2 black T-shirts from Walmart and cut the sleeves off?
Sure.
So this Keg Zone stuff is actually working?
I got 20 fully paid Keggers already.
Plus, I'm starting an online thing where you can do it at home.
I mean, who doesn't have an empty keg laying around the house, right?
- Oh, yeah.
Totally.
- Sure.
All right, we need to leave soon, babe, pick up a couple of cases of champagne for Ian's wedding.
Those two are really going through with getting married?
Yes.
Why'd you say it like that?
- [Tommy]
I don't know.
- [Veronica]
Don't know what?
Uh, I mean, it just doesn't seem right.
I don't care who sticks what in what, but now they gotta get married too?
Who's "they"?
Hey, I got no problem with the gays.
I'm just saying that some things are natural man-woman things.
I don't wanna walk into the men's room and see a chick in heels pulling out her penis at the urinal.
She wouldn't be in the men's room, Tommy.
She's a woman.
You look at other men's penises when you're at the urinal?
- That's pretty gay, Tommy.
- [Tommy]
No!
Jesus.
You collect more Keg cash today we can use to buy the champagne?
Uh, no.
Nothing this morning.
All those waters?
I forgot to refill 'em last night.
[Tommy]
Jesus, when did the PC police show up in here?
So a chick in heels peed next to you?
No.
It is a hypothetical kind of discussion thing.
I thought you didn't make any money this morning.
Hey, mind your own business, h*m* hater.
Keeping a little "me" money on the side there, Kev?
Shh!
- [Kermit clears throat]
- [Veronica]
Oh, thank God that banging stopped.
Yeah, Homer's arms must've given out.
All right, I gotta get back and start whuppin' Depeche Mode-loving Gen X butt.
[melancholy acoustic music]
Hey.
Tami and Fred here?
- [Cami]
That Lip?
- Yeah.
[Cami]
You fire him yet?
- What?
- [Brad]
Not yet.
[Cami]
I'm serious, Brad.
Fire the prick.
- Come on, Cami.
- Cami.
You're fired, Lip.
She just went out the back.
Thank you.
[door clicks shut]
Hey!
Hey.
Hey.
How's Fred?
He sleep all right?
Hey.
Tami, are we gonna talk about this?
Sure.
Yeah.
Communication is important in a relationship.
Let's talk about this.
The same way we talked about that house before you went and bought it without even asking me.
No, no, I didn't buy it, though.
I'm renting it, right?
And we-we did.
I mean, I asked.
And I said no.
Tami.
[engine rumbling]
Terry b*rned down the Bamboo?
Jesus.
There's h*m*, and then there's Vladimir Putin h*m*.
We'll just call everybody, tell them the wedding is postponed.
What?
No!
We can figure this out.
[Ian]
We should just elope, go to the courthouse.
It's what we should've done in the first place.
Hell no!
You can't let hate win.
[Mickey]
Wake up, Little Mary Sunshine.
Hate always wins.
Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King.
[Carl]
Pretty sure one was crucified and the other two were sh*t.
Yeah, h*tler, Freddy Krueger, Darth Vader.
[Debbie]
We still got the flowers, the booze, the DJ, and all that other sh*t, right?
Uh, yeah, but no place to hold the wedding.
What about here?
What, in the house?
f*ck that.
How many people we got coming?
A hundred and twenty, not counting the local lowlifes who'll show up uninvited to get hammered.
- The Alibi?
- It's a sh*thole.
I don't wanna get married where my shoes stick to the floor.
Patsy's?
Jesus, this is getting sadder and sadder.
Why don't we just do it in the parking lot across the street from the poultry processing plant?
How about the park?
Hmm?
It's 40 degrees and supposed to snow.
Jesus!
You two wanna help, maybe?
Yes, I wanna help.
I wanna help by shoving the shotgun down my dad's throat and watching his spinal cord burst out his f*ckin' back all over his kitchen wall!
Everyone start calling around and find someplace that's big enough and can take us in a hurry.
With what money?
We spent it all on the Bamboo and flowers and sh*t.
So, what, you're just gonna let Terry and his Nazis win?
Watch Paris burn?
Let the Berlin Wall stand?
Saigon fall?
Huh?
Is that who we are?
- Yes!
- [Debbie]
No!
We're Gallaghers!
If you're gonna be a part of this family, you better nut up.
We're gonna white-trash this sh*t.
[sauntering rock music]
Hello, Father.
What do you want?
Are you coming to the wedding?
You're getting married?
I'm ten.
Ian.
This afternoon.
Oh, yeah?
Good for him.
Who's the lucky lady-man?
- Mickey Milkovich.
- [scoffs]
As if your brother's gene pool wasn't challenged enough already.
I don't think their genes could ever get mixed together, biologically speaking.
- Are you coming or not?
- [Frank]
Not.
Throw some rice at the happy same-gendered couple for me, will ya?
[Liam]
He's selling the house.
Wh-who's selling what house?
Our house.
Lip.
To a couple of yuppie lawyers.
They're bringing the money today.
Two hundred thousand bucks in cash.
Cash?
Lip is taking his share of the money and moving to Milwaukee.
What about my share?
Don't think they're planning on cutting you in.
It's my house, not theirs.
Please!
I don't wanna move.
It's the only home I've ever known.
Of course it is, son.
Let me get dressed.
And the keys.
- Keys?
- To the Rolls or the Mercedes.
The L could take hours.
The house could be sold before we even get there.
Why the hell not?
[funky music]
[Debbie]
The Gala's all booked up.
[Ian]
Same with the Dynasty.
[Carl]
Castle was closed by the health department.
Rodent infestation.
[Sandy]
Korean Baptists have a bat mitzvah in their parish hall, whatever the f*ck that is.
What's going on?
Terry Milkovich b*rned down the Bamboo Lotus.
- He what?
- [Ian]
To the ground.
So now everything's getting delivered here.
- [cell phone dings]
- [Lip]
Holy sh*t.
Hey, Navy Pier's got a party boat.
It's, like, 20 grand, though.
Oh, so I kite them a check.
Let the bastards come after me.
What are they gonna give me, 18 months?
- [cell phone dings]
- I can do that in my sleep.
Yeah, it's cash or credit in advance, though.
Wh-wh so you guys wanna try to find someplace else to have the wedding today?
They do, I'm just getting sh*t-faced drunk.
Why is Mickey handcuffed?
- He wants to k*ll his dad.
- Will k*ll his dad.
Hey, what about that boarded-up Ukrainian church over on Cermak?
We could break in, take it over.
No.
Roof caved in last winter.
[Veronica]
What happened?
Went by the Bamboo.
It's a smoldering heap.
Yeah.
Dad, a fire, and no wedding.
- Gonna sh**t him in the face.
- We can do it at The Alibi.
No, no!
Look, it is over.
It is over and done.
Terry f*ckin' wins again, like he always does.
Jesus Christ.
Do you remember when we were kids?
We'd go trick-or-treating.
As soon as we got home, who took all the candy?
Your dad.
[Mickey]
Before my mom ran out, when she still could buy us Christmas presents, who opened everything up, took what he wanted, and pawned the rest?
[Sandy]
Your dad.
[Mickey]
Who-who handed us over to Family Services for a year so he could run dr*gs for the Sinaloa cartel?
Your dad.
Look, I love you.
I love you.
The son of a bitch is never gonna let me be happy.
He needs to die today.
What about the Polish Doll?
Ey, assh*le, were you not listening?
We're doing a m*rder thing here.
- It's that polka house, right?
- Yeah.
Old man Wójcik d*ed, but his wife's running it now, I think.
Is that that 500-year-old bag that drives around in that orange convertible?
Yeah, the one with the short, short skirts and the poufy red hair.
The Polish Doll's never been known for being gay-friendly.
They keep a Louisville Slugger behind the bar called the "f*g Fixer.
" All right, so we don't tell them.
You don't think they'll notice?
Not until there's a hundred drunk wedding guests jammed into the place.
Then what the f*ck are they gonna do about it?
They're not answering.
- [Lip]
Debs, you got your car?
- Yeah.
- [Lip]
Let's go.
- You guys, keep dialing.
There's gotta be someplace else we can use.
So we'll say that you're the bride.
Can you, uh, cry and make it look like you wanna k*ll yourself?
- Totally.
- Okay.
Debbie?
[Debbie]
What the hell do you want?
Uh, my mom kicked me out of the house, which is your fault, so here I am.
[Sandy]
So the Polish Doll finally picked up.
They're there right now.
Who the f*ck is this?
Julia.
[Sandy chuckles]
This is Julia?
You said she was young, but Debs, we gotta go!
Look, you can't stay here.
Too bad.
I am.
- [Lip]
Debbie!
- Go home, Julia!
[chuckles softly]
Who are you?
I'm Sandy her girlfriend.
She's been sleeping with you too?
sh*t, I gotta find a clinic, get swabbed for gonorrhea.
[car horn honks distantly]
[grunting]
[yelps]
[whimpering]
[panting]
Welcome to the South Side [overpronouncing]
Julia.
[quirky rock music]
Oh-oh-oh You want it, you got it Do what you do You want it, you got it Do what you do You unbelievable It's undeniable They find someplace we can use yet?
No.
I'm texting Tami again.
She's leaving me unread.
[exhales]
Hey, you, uh-you need me to do something, you know, to help you cry?
- Like what?
- I don't know.
Pinch you or slap you or something.
Frank and Monica were my parents.
I can remember anything from my childhood, and I can cry.
[sniffling]
Right.
Yeah, no.
Okay.
That's good.
Come on.
[jaunty polka playing on accordion]
[emphatically]
Jesus.
[bartender]
You lost?
Hi.
No.
Um, my sister was supposed to get married this afternoon, but the hall b*rned down.
So we are desperate to find someplace to hold the ceremony.
Gotta talk to the boss.
Over here?
Okay.
Mrs.
Wójcik?
- That's me, honey.
- Hi.
Yeah, we have an emergency situation, and you may be the only person in Chicago who can make it right.
[sobbing]
[mouths word]
Yo!
We got it!
- [Ian]
What?
- [Sandy]
No.
- [Carl]
That Polish place?
- [Lip]
Yep!
There is a seniors' happy hour at 4:30.
So the DJ's gotta play some polka, and I had to guarantee we'd spend at least 300 bucks at the bar.
Oh, and, uh, Mickey might have to marry Debbie instead of Ian.
- [Veronica]
What?
- [Ian]
What?
Yeah, it's definitely not Gay Pride Day over there.
So we told Wójcik that Debbie was the bride and she was gonna marry a nice Polish boy named Michael.
- [Veronica laughs]
- Yeah.
V, I need a wedding dress in a hurry.
Do you know anyone who's got one laying around?
Closet Diva rents wedding dresses.
- Cool.
- Kev, come on, man.
We gotta get these flowers, chairs, all this sh*t over to the Polish Doll.
- Can we use your truck?
- Yeah, no problem.
- [Lip]
Thanks.
- Carl!
Lend a hand.
- Hell yeah.
- [Lip]
Thanks, bud.
- Wait.
Wait.
- [Lip]
What?
- Mickey's marrying Debbie?
- Yeah.
Don't worry.
I'll figure out something to do with the old bat when we get over there, and, uh, you know, sh*t goes sideways, Mickey marries Debbie; we have a big f*ckin' party anyway.
Good.
Okay.
So uncuff Mickey.
Get your clothes.
We only got a couple hours.
Let's f*ckin' go!
Your teen stalker's up in your room, cradle robber.
- Julia's still here?
- Uh-huh.
Asked how many days a week the maid comes.
[scoffs]
[percussive rock music]
[Frank]
They're moving already?
You bastards cannot sell this house!
It's mine!
- Lip!
- [Lip]
Hey, Frank.
Lip, you cannot sell this house without giving me my share.
- [Lip]
What the f*ck?
- This is my house, not yours.
I want half!
Uh, I want more than half!
Nobody's selling the house, Frank!
Jesus.
You're not?
No.
f*ck.
You lied?
Learned at the foot of the master.
Looks like you might've gotten punked, punk.
- Lip.
- Yeah?
I got the perfect car for Ian and Mickey.
Just need shaving cream, string, and a couple of old cans.
Is that a Mercedes?
Mm-hmm.
Outstanding.
You got game, son.
See ya.
Children want their parents at their weddings.
You'll probably not be alive for mine.
We don't ask much of you.
Least you can do is bother to show up when we get married.
[inhales]
Nice try, kid.
[footsteps receding]
[footsteps approaching]
[sighs]
Took the keys to the Mercedes, didn't you?
You gonna give 'em back to me?
Not until after the wedding.
You can't stay here, Julia!
I'm taking half the drawers.
I put your crap over there.
We need to go buy a bunch of sh*t before my mom cancels my Amex.
What happened to your face?
Your skanky side piece coldcocked me.
Really?
Yes.
She in on it too?
- In on what?
- Your hustle.
Now, how much were you able to milk my mom for?
Ten grand?
Twenty?
I didn't hustle your mom.
I liked her.
She was good to me.
I'm glad she was good to somebody.
Oh.
What do you think?
For what?
The wedding.
I'm coming.
No, you're not, Julia!
Ghetto wedding?
Wouldn't miss it.
Gonna light up my Instagram likes.
- [cell phone ringing]
- Oh, look.
There's Mommy Dearest now.
All is forgiven, I bet.
[sighs]
Hi, Mom.
Yup.
No.
No, I'm not coming home.
Ever.
No.
Apology not accepted.
Yes, I'm serious.
I'm at Debbie's.
[Claudia yelling indistinctly]
Yeah.
Her tongue is two inches deep into my vag*na right now No, no!
No, it isn't, Claudia.
[moaning]
- Oh, that feels so good!
- God damn it.
- Give me the phone, Julia!
- [Julia laughing]
- She's lying!
- Ah, gotta go.
f*ck you, Mom!
[shouting]
What the hell is wrong with you?
Which side of the bed do you want?
I prefer the right.
Closest to the mildewy bathroom.
You want kids?
Hell no.
With your mental problems and my family's comfort with committing homicides?
You end up marrying Debbie, could knock out a couple.
We could raise 'em together.
You want me banging your little sister?
Yeah, probably be too weird.
Yeah, you think?
I wouldn't mind a kid or two, though.
Well, there's plenty of strays wandering around the neighborhood.
I'm sure we can pick one up for cheap.
Wow.
You're an ugly m*therf*cker.
Yeah, well, at least I don't have to hide in a coffin till the sun goes down.
[chuckles]
You ready to do this, Milkovich?
Damn straight, Gallagher.
[dance music playing over speakers]
- [Kev]
Phillip!
- [Lip]
Hey!
I got a bunch of these candle things.
- Where do you want 'em?
- Uh, yeah.
Put 'em up on the stage and then, uh, maybe some on the bar too.
- [Veronica]
Hey.
- [Lip]
Hey.
Got a dress.
Where's Debbie?
The bride is in the kitchen.
Babe, clothes.
Where do you want this cake?
Uh, you can put it on the table right there.
Thank you.
- [Mickey]
Jesus.
- Hey.
This place is a sh*thole.
- And not in a good way - No, no, no, no.
It's gonna look a lot better when we turn off the overheads and light some of the candles, be good.
Yeah, sure, long as our guests are also blind.
Which one of you is the groom?
Ah, Mrs.
Wójcik.
Uh, this is the groom, uh, Michael Milkovich, and, uh, his best man, Ian Gallagher.
[speaking Polish]
Uh, it's nice to meet you too.
I don't speak that Polish sh*t Ah, nice to meet you.
It is such a pleasure.
- We're charmed.
- Hey, hey.
Guests are arriving.
Okay.
Pleasure.
Hey, what's up, queens?
You finally gonna tie the knot, or what?
Hey, uh, Mrs.
Wójcik, can I ask you to do us a really big favor?
See, my sister, she's freaking out.
I think she's having second thoughts.
- About getting married?
- Yeah.
You know, it's been a really emotional day, you know, with the fire, and our mother is no longer alive.
Do you think you could talk to her?
You know, I think a-a few words from you could really make the difference.
Where is she?
She's just here, just in the kitchen.
Thank you so much.
[man]
Where's the rest of the chairs?
Chiavari chairs look nice.
Yeah.
Like how the gold catches the light.
[gentle acoustic music]
[Liam]
Yeah.
Park right here.
[Frank]
The wedding's at the Polish Doll?
Yeah, no, this is not gonna work.
[car door slams]
- You coming?
- Sorry.
No can do, my friend.
The chick that owns this place hates me.
Tried to s*ab me more than once.
What'd you do to her?
Many, many things.
All consensual.
Although we were both often inebriated.
It was great fun until her husband, Rudy, returned unexpectedly from his mother's funeral in the old country, and then How long ago was this?
Years.
Decades, actually.
[scoffs]
She probably won't even remember.
- [sighs]
- [Liam]
Come on.
[car door slams]
She'll remember, all right.
Ugh.
My God.
I look like a snow cone.
How do I sit down in this thing?
You don't.
- [exhales]
- Oh, my goodness.
My little Debbie's getting married.
- [chuckles]
- [footsteps approaching]
- [Sandy]
Here she comes.
- How much time do we need?
Forty-five minutes.
- [Debbie]
Got it.
- Yeah?
Okay.
Better hydrate.
[exhales deeply]
[Lip]
Debbie?
Debs?
[wailing]
Go away, Phillip!
Oh, please come out.
The guests are arriving.
- So come on.
- No!
No!
- [sobs]
No!
I can't do it.
- Oh!
- [speaking Polish]
- [Debbie]
I can't.
No!
[Mrs.
Wójcik]
I know.
I know it's scary.
No bride should have to go through this without their mother.
It's so scary.
You see her?
What does she look like?
Big hair.
Big tits.
Scary.
No.
Maybe she's not here.
If she is, I'm gonna hold you in front of me as a human shield.
Woman is quick with a blade.
Here.
Hey, Kev.
Kev.
Guard that door.
That polka lady tries to come out of the kitchen, don't let her.
"Don't let her" how?
I don't know.
Tackle her.
Punch her.
I don't give a sh*t.
- You gonna sit, sweetheart?
- I can't.
I gotta punch an old lady.
[romantic music playing over speakers]
Those the Gay Jesus groupies?
Oh, yeah.
Ian said they might be coming.
- Hey, man.
What's up?
- Hey, Geneva.
[Geneva]
All right.
Rainbow Squad, take the back.
The rest of you, with me out front.
Let's go.
See ya.
Jesus.
Debbie know you're coming?
She got down on her hands and knees and begged me.
Where is she?
[man]
What's this sh*t?
- What the f*ck?
- [tires squealing]
What's this assh*le up to?
[engine revving]
The hell you doing, Jamie?
You little sh*t!
[rock music]
Jamie, you come back here!
- No!
- You little sh*t!
[Jamie grunts]
- What were you doing, assh*le?
- Come on, Uncle Terry.
- What?
- Let me go, m [grunts]
What were you telling that car?
[Jamie]
Sandy.
- [shouts]
- What about Sandy?
She told me to stand out there, tell anyone who showed up where we moved Mick's wedding 'cause of the fire.
Where?
Where'd they move it to?
That-that polka place.
Th-the-the Polish Doll.
[acoustic pop music playing over speakers]
On my heart where you're resting your head And you just look so beautiful It's like you were an angel Can I stop the flow of time?
Can I swim in your divine - [exhales]
- Hey.
She came.
- What?
Who did?
- Tami.
Uh, that was in question?
Eh.
Could've gone either way.
What'd you do this time?
f*ck off.
[chuckles]
You ready?
[Ian]
Yeah.
[clears throat]
[romantic music playing over speakers]
You choose this sh*t?
Absolutely.
- You soft m*therf*cker.
- You know it.
- [Lip]
I love you.
- [Ian]
I love you too, man.
- At last - You good?
My love has come along My lonely days Are over And life is like a song Oh, yeah, yeah At last The skies above are blue My heart Was wrapped up in clover The night I looked at you [Reverend Sally]
Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to witness and bless the joining together of these two men in holy matrimony.
Ian, will you take this man to be your husband?
Will you love him Mickey's not marrying that ginger f*ck today.
[Gay Jesus disciples]
We shall overcome - [Terry]
Oh, what the hell?
- Someday - f*ckin' hippie h*m*.
- [man]
Jesus.
- Look at all these lesbos.
- We are not afraid [Terry]
And fairies.
Kumbaya, bitch!
We are not afraid We are not afraid today [disciples gasp]
We are not afraid - Today - Go!
- [man]
What do you want me to do?
- [Geneva]
We'll walk hand in hand!
Drive, fuckhead!
I can't sh**t 'em all.
We'll walk hand in hand We'll walk hand in hand Someday - [exhales happily]
- [man]
Amen!
- [woman]
Yes!
- [man]
All right!
- [woman]
Love wins!
- [man]
Yeah!
I, Mikhailo, take you, Ian, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer, for poorer Mornin' flowers, they swayed [Mickey]
in sickness and in health early breeze to love and to cherish you till death do us part.
Waking eyes of the field underneath the trees I, Ian, take you, Mickey, to be my husband Don't be long to have and to hold you from this day forward, for better or for worse, richer or poorer Sick of hurrying in sickness and in health.
And I know they're wrong to love and to cherish you till death do us part.
[Reverend Sally]
Now that Mikhailo and Ian have given themselves to each other, with these vows and the giving and receiving of rings, I now pronounce you husband and husband.
- Now?
- [Reverend Sally]
Yes, now.
- [cheers and applause]
- Mornin' flowers Tell you many secrets In those early hours See you tomorrow My mornin' flowers [cheers and applause continue]
Halle lujah I'm still here, still bringin' it to ya Ohm, like Buddha Good girls know how to get hard too, yeah I'm all done up in my Sunday best No walk of shame, 'cause I love this dress Hungover, heart of gold, Holy mess Doin' my best - Oh, okay.
- [muffled cheers and music]
Hey, I gotta go now.
You're ready for the wedding now?
The wedding?
Oh, I think we missed it.
[dance music playing over speakers]
Crazy [Zuzanna]
Wh-what the hell's going on?
Well, that-that h*m* married that other h*m*.
What?
Selling lots of booze, though.
If it were a joke I'm afraid that We finally broke It's true Why can't you unwind?
I do [pleasantly]
Hey.
Zuzzy, how you been?
Don't you f*ckin' "Zuzzy" me, Gallagher!
Mm.
[both chuckle]
[both moaning]
It's coming apart It's coming apart - [Carl]
What's up, buddy?
- [Liam]
Frank.
You look underaged and thirsty.
Thanks.
If you're thinking about jumping Sandy, I wouldn't.
She did time for as*ault.
Juvie, but the guy's still slurping meals through a straw.
Um, I'm not gay.
- You're not?
- No.
Just experimented a bit, but it's not really my thing.
So what is your thing?
Toys and p*rn.
I like toys.
Okay.
Let's play.
It's coming apart It's coming apart [Kev]
I mean, sometimes I wish I was gay, you know.
Sure, yeah.
[Kev]
Marry your best friend.
Blow jobs.
Make each other sandwiches [Veronica]
Kevin!
- Thank you for inviting me.
- Thank you for coming.
- It was so beautiful.
- Appreciate that.
And you.
Congratulations.
I love you guys.
With somebody who loves me Be right back.
I've been in love and lost my senses Spinning through the town Why are you hiding that money?
The fever ends And I wind up feeling down What money?
The money you're hiding under the bar.
I love this song.
Let's dance.
- You wanna dance?
- $800?
We promised never to keep secrets from each other, Kevin.
- Why?
- Why what?
Why did we promise not to keep secrets from each other?
Because not all secrets are bad.
Some secrets are good.
You've been acting so strange.
Is this-is this more of your midlife crisis?
No.
Are you seeing someone?
Another woman?
Having an affair?
No.
Of course not.
Then what?
Why the money?
[sighs]
I-it's gone, okay?
I spent it all.
On what?
Oh, my God!
Snoopy Mary!
Way to ruin a surprise!
I wanted to give you with, like, you know, romantic music, I don't know, candles, maybe a little wine.
Oh, my gosh.
Cost me more than what I had, but I figured, with Keg Zone, I'd make enough and I could pay the rest off later.
You like it?
Ask me.
Ask me, fool!
- Veronica Fisher, w - On your knees.
Oh.
Veronica Fisher, will you marry me?
I mean, I gotta find my ex and get a divorce Yes!
- [chuckles]
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!
[laughs]
I wanna feel the heat with somebody [muffled music]
Tami.
Hey.
Hey.
[softly]
Hi.
[Fred coos]
Thanks for coming.
I love Ian.
[Lip]
Yeah, it was a-it was a beautiful ceremony, huh?
Will you just come look inside the house with me?
You know, it's got-it's got two beds, bath, big backyard.
I don't need to look inside.
Well, I'm not moving to Milwaukee.
I told you that.
So don't.
Wh-wh-what does that mean?
Fred and I are going.
If you don't wanna come with us, you don't have to.
You're gonna take Fred?
It's a two-hour train ride.
Come and visit us whenever you can tear yourself away from your family.
Tami, c-c-c-can't we talk about this or something?
No.
No, Lip, because I don't want your life, okay?
I wanted us to create a life together.
- That's-that's - Yeah.
A life for you that's what I want too!
and me and Fred, and then you just went out and did whatever the f*ck you wanted to - without thinking about us.
- I was thinking about you.
- That's all I was doing.
- How am I ever supposed - to trust you again?
- You can trust me.
- No, I can't, okay?
- Hey, you're not taking Fred!
I'm his mother.
I've got a house and a job.
So really wanna take this to court?
You f*cking serious?
Y-you're gonna take Fred to punish me for not wanting to move?
No, Lip, I'm not punishing you!
- Get the f*ck outta here!
- Jesus!
We're supposed to be in a relationship!
That means that we make important decisions together.
All right!
You want me to move to f*cking Milwaukee?
I'll move to Milwaukee, all right?
I'll hate it, but if that's what Tami wants You know what?
You're an assh*le.
that's what Tami gets, right?
You're an assh*le.
- I'm an assh*le?
- f*ck you!
You're the one trying to take away my kid!
No!
Our kid, Lip.
He is our kid!
[Fred crying]
sh*t.
[crying continues]
Come here.
It's okay.
[shushing]
[crying continues]
- [shushing]
- [Lip murmuring]
I'm so sorry.
[both murmuring soothingly]
Don't do this, please.
Let's just stop lying to each other.
Okay?
You love your f*cked-up family more than you're ever gonna love me.
That's not true.
That's not true.
Yeah, it is.
[shushing]
You should get back inside there.
Sounds like you're missing a fun time.
- Oh, I got I can help.
- I got it.
No.
[soothingly]
Hey.
Hey.
I got you.
All right.
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon It's always been inside of you, you, you And now it's time to let it through 'Cause, baby, you're a firework Come on, show 'em what you're worth Make 'em go ah, ah, ah As you sh**t across the sky-y-y - Nice dress.
- You're a firework Thank you.
[laughs]
Come on, let your colors Is that Frank making out with that Polish polka lady?
Make 'em go ah, ah, ah [Debbie]
Yeah.
Wow.
- Boom, boom, boom - I miss Mom.
Even brighter than the moon Yeah.
Boom, boom, boom Monica would've loved today.
[people cheering]
I found a love For me I should probably go dance with my husband.
Darlin', just dive right in Go.
Follow my lead I found a girl Beautiful and sweet I never knew you were the someone Waiting for me Come on.
'Cause we were just kids When we fell in love Not knowing what it was I will not give you up This time Darling, just kiss me slow Your heart is all I own And in your eyes, you're holding - Can I get a Coke?
- [bartender]
Yeah, sure.
Baby, I'm Yeah.
You like some rum in that?
Sure.
With you between my arms Barefoot on the grass Thanks.
Listening to our favorite song When you said you looked a mess [Debbie]
Listen up, everyone!
I'm the closest thing to a bride we've got.
- So I'm throwin' the bouquet!
- [people cheering]
[Debbie]
Line up, single losers!
You look perfect tonight [woman]
Right here!
Right here, Deb!
[people cheering]
Well, I found a woman Stronger than anyone I know Can I get another?
- [bartender]
Sure.
- Thanks.
I'll share her home I found a love To carry more than just my secrets To carry love To carry children Of our own We are still kids, but we're so in love Fighting against all odds [cheers and applause]
I know we'll be all right This time I don't deserve this You look perfect Tonight [horn honks]
[chuckles]
I'm gonna need that car back eventually.
Are those hickies?
Yeah.
Woman's a wildcat.
It's a myth about the female libido declining with age.
They get hornier.
I'll keep that in mind.
Zuzanna doesn't hate gays.
It's her husband, Rudy.
Turns out, Rudy's gayer than Liberace.
She found boxes of mano a mano p*rn after he d*ed.
The old Polish bastard was a raging gay h*m*.
Aren't all h*m* gay?
Probably so, son.
Probably so.
[melancholy music]
[doorbell rings]
I need to find a meeting.
Come with me?
Sure.
Let me grab my coat.
[pounding on door]
What is it?
[pounding on door]
[Carl]
sh*t.
I think it's the cops.
[pounding on door]
[pounding on door]
- What's with all the banging?
- Cops, maybe.
Ugh.
What did Frank do now?
- Deborah Gallagher?
- Uh, no.
We have an arrest warrant for Deborah Gallagher.
No sh*t.
What for?
Statutory r*pe of a minor.
Julia Nicolo?
f*ck.
[funky music]
We got a runner!
Uh, what's going on?
When's your 18th birthday?
Wow, uh-huh It's too good, the secret is out, and wow Uh-huh Stop!
Police!
So word of mouth and wow Uh-huh So cool, it's the talk of the town And wow, uh-huh Listen up 'cause I'll break it down now Wow [plaster cracking]
[Tami]
Jesus.
Needs some work.
[sniffles]
Yeah.
No sh*t.
[exhales]
Two bedrooms?
Yeah.
One bathroom.
Two-car garage.
You got another mask?
[hopeful music]
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Hope my tetanus is up-to-date.
[music brightens]
No?
Oh.
I know you got rights That's not very hard You tell me all the time [Lip]
Whoo!
[laughs]
Writing in the dark Shouting at the blind Oh!
Wake up, wake up Why are you not hearin' me?
Wake up, wake up Why are you not hearin' me?
Oh, oh, oh-oh You're wasting time Oh, oh, oh-oh You're wasting time Good morning, Mr.
Gallavich.
Good morning, Mr - Millagher?
- [both laugh]
You hungry?
Hmm.
Not really.
Hmm.
You wanna go again?
Absolutely.
[tires screeching]
Ah, sh*t!
- [Ian]
Oh!
- [g*nf*re]
[tires squealing]
[both exhale]
I think your dad might still be a little upset.
I got a head full of dreams you can play with I got a heart full of love, you can take it I got it all, I'm not lookin' to trade it I give it all to you Hey, hey Perfect day, perfect day - [whistling]
- Hey, hey Hey, hey Perfect day, perfect day - [whistling]
- Hey, hey - Ooh, ooh - Perfect day
10x12 - Gallavich!
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
An alcoholic man lives in a perpetual stupor while his six children with whom he lives cope as best they can.
An alcoholic man lives in a perpetual stupor while his six children with whom he lives cope as best they can.