01x01 - Pilot

[bunniefuu]

[Muffled chatter]

[Knocking]

Gerald Tate's here.

He wants to know what's happening to his deal.

Go get Harvey.

I check.

Raise. 5,000.

I'm all-in.

[Cell phone dings]

You can pay me later. I got to go.

Gentlemen.

I'm paying you millions, and you're telling me I'm gonna get screwed?

Jessica, have I come at a bad time?

Gerald, this is Harvey Specter.

He's our best closer.

Well, if you're the best closer, where the hell you been for the last three hours?

Well, Gerald, I specialize in troubled situations, and when I left here at 7:00 P.M., this deal wasn't in jeopardy, so I'm just trying to figure out what happened in the interim.

We keep offering more money.

They keep rejecting it.

It's last-minute bad faith bullsh--.

Says here that Cooper won't be staying on as honorary vice president.

That's right. I don't want him around.

He wouldn't be around.

It's an honorary position.

I don't give a sh--.

Well, I think you do, because that's what's changed since I left, which means it's you who's been dealing in bad faith.

Well, now that you've got a grasp on what's happened in the g*dd*mn interim, what are you gonna do about it?

Because he's not getting that title.

Well, let me make sure I understand this, okay?

Bingo.

Well, that's not gonna happen.

And why the hell not?

Because I like Mr. Cooper, until we take away the last shred of his dignity?

Bingo.

Well, that's not gonna happen.

And why the hell not?

Because I like Mr. Cooper, and my firm doesn't operate in bad faith.

Oh. I see how it is.

Instead of working Cooper, you're working me.

Well, why don't you take your pansy attitude back in there and make him sign my deal?

Or I'll pay someone else your money to do it for me. First of all, Gerald, if you think anyone's gonna touch this deal after your bad faith, you're mistaken.

Second, the way our agreement works is, the minute Cooper signed the deal which gave you everything you wanted, our fee was due and payable, which is why at 7:30

I received confirmation of a wire transfer from escrow indicating payment in full.

So I'd say the ball's in your court, but the truth is your balls are in my fist.

Now I apologize if that image is too pansy for you, but I'm comfortable enough with my manhood to put it out there.

Now get your ass in there and close the g*dd*mn deal.

You gonna let him talk to me like this?

Harvey speaks for the firm.

[Clears throat]

We got paid before Gerald signed the deal?

What are you talking about? This is a memo about some fire drill on Tuesday.

Huh.

You're the Blue Team Captain.

You get to wear a fire hat.

Time's up.

Pencils down.

Excuse me. Do I know you from somewhere?

I don't think so.

I have a pretty good memory for faces.

So do I.

Sorry.

I got it.

Hey. Hey!

Stop! You in the cap!

[Knocking]

What did you get me?

What I said I was gonna get you.

A 158. I told you I wanted a 175.

And I told you only 1 out of 100 people can score that.

You're a B-minus student. You got 1,000 on your sats.

If I get you a 175, they'll know you cheated.

So only a genius loser can get a 175?

Actually, no. I would get a 180.

Now can I have my money, please?

Whoa. This is only half.

Then why don't you go call the police?

I got to get my sh... together.

That's the best cheeseburger I've had in my life.

It's from Monday, Trevor.

Look, man, I'm serious.

I almost got caught today.

I've got to stop getting stoned.

I've got to get my act together.

Dude, look at me.

You can burn bud and still be a success.

You sell pot for a living.

Still saps the motivation.

All I'm saying is, you want in, you are in.

You know, that is word for word your offer before I got caught cheating on your math test in the third grade.

g*dd*mn memory.

Stop.

Look, no one's gonna suspect you're a dealer.

I mean, look at me.

This is a $2,000 suit, Mike.

I got, like, 12 of 'em.

I take on real software projects.

I have clients who bring me briefcases filled with cash, and I hand them identical briefcases with vacuum-sealed bud.

So what do you need me for?

Well, I have a client coming in from out of town, and I can't meet him, and I need someone I can trust to make the drop.

It's totally safe.

Trevor, a person is more likely to die while dealing dr*gs than they would be on death row in Texas.

Wait. What are you talking about?

It's from Freakonomics.

Do you read anything that I give you?

It doesn't matter, because you have to find somebody else.

I'm not interested.

Not interested in what?

What are you doing here? You said you were gonna stay at your place tonight.

Hi, sweetie.

What a pleasant surprise.

I'm so glad you stopped by. Yeah.

We're in the middle of something.

What are you in the middle of?

Trevor's trying to set me up.

That's terrific.

Who's the lucky girl?

I'm trying to get him to work for me.

That's a great idea.

It will take some stress off Trevor, and you'll pick up writing code like you do everything else.

All right. I got to go.

I got go get up early to see my grandmother and pay them another month.

Oh.

[Grunting]

[Giggles]

Good night.

Bye.

How did you know Gerald wouldn't look at that memo?

Because a charging bull always looks at the red cape, not at the man with the sword.

By the way, I've set up a meeting for you and John Dockery next week.

Dockery? He's Skadden's biggest client.

Not anymore.

He's looking around.

He plays tennis. I want you to close him.

Consider it done.

Then you are officially dismissed for the evening.

Cheers.

Well, you two seem to be celebrating something.

Mm-hmm. We are.

In fact, you are looking at the best closer this city has ever seen.

Closer, huh?

Baseball? Attorney.

I close situations.

Hmm. So you only care about money?

The truth is, I do it for the children.

[Chuckles]

I'm Lisa.

Harvey.

Lisa, I don't normally do this, but since we are celebrating, what time do you get off tonight?

I'm glad you asked.

I get off at ten past "I'm never going out with you."

I guess you're not the best closer this city's ever seen.

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Good morning.

Lisa, this was lovely, but I'm afraid you have to go.

Aw.

I hate to miss a workout, and I really need to be in the office by 7:30.

Can't we have breakfast?

You could eat it off my stomach.

I guess if I skip the gym, I can still get in by 9:00.

[Giggles]

I hear someone's not taking their pills.

Because they're trying to poison me.

Grammy, that's crazy.

Dr. shrager gave me her word she wouldn't poison you until January.

If she does it before then, she can't count it towards next year's quota.

Oh, what did I teach you?

[Imitates expl*si*n]

Michael, I'm not gonna be around forever.

And I want you to stop with that stuff.

What stuff?

I may be old, but I'm not an idiot.

I know life has been hard for you, but you're not a kid anymore, and I want you to promise you're gonna start living up to your potential.

I promise.

I'm not saying that I haven't been charmed by Harvey, but it's just so patronizing when you say that he can handle those things and, "Louis, you can only handle this."

Jessica, I could have handled Gerald Tate.

And I told you I disagree.

Why?

Because when you put two bullies in the same room together, things generally don't go so well.

It's 9:30. Nice of you to show up two hours after we open for business.

And I see that you're also trying to look like a pimp.

My bad, Louis. I was out late last night.

And when I woke up, this is the suit your wife picked out for me.

And that would be funny if I'd actually been married. Moving along.

You're not married?

Recruiting. Harvey.

Your interviews are set up for tomorrow.

What? Why don't we just hire the Harvard summer associate douche?

I think if you listen to the phrasing of that question, you'll come up with an answer.

We need people who think on their feet, not another clone with a rod up his ass.

Harvey, the fact that we only hire from Harvard gives us a cache that's a little more valuable than hiring a kid from Rutgers.

You went to Harvard law.

I'm an exception.

Find me another one.

Can we please skip the recruiting?

I work better alone anyway.

Well, I would, Harvey, except all senior partners get an associate.

It's just a rule.

I'm sorry. What?

Jessica, I deserve that promotion.

My billables destroy his.

And I'm here night and day doing whatever's needed instead of swanning in and out of here whenever I please.

I must admit, he does make me sound very swan-like.

Harvey, shut up.

Louis, this is how it is.

All right, now you two make nice.

Louis, I apologize. I was out of line.

Now if you'll just let me text your pretend wife that I just made senior partner, I--what?

Your grandmother's getting worse.

I need to move her to full care or I'll have to transfer her to the state facility.

I won't put her in a state facility.

Then I'm afraid you'll have to come up with $25,000.

[Sighs]

Trevor, I'm in.

One-time deal. I want 25.

Take it or leave it.

I'll take it.

There's a briefcase in my room.

Pick it up tomorrow, take it to room 2412

at the Chilton Hotel.

Now you can't go to a luxury hotel looking like a delivery guy, so shave, comb your hair, buy a suit.

That's a hell of a lot to ask, man.

Well, I'm not asking you. I'm paying you $25,000.

Okay?

Yeah, he's in.

Good.

I'm gonna go take a piss.

Key. 24 hours, we'll know if this new buyer's a cop.

Why didn't you tell Trevor he might be sending his guy into a setup?

Same reason why I don't tell Gina I'm banging her sister.

It'll only cause trouble.

What's up?

I'm just gonna take off.

I don't think you should.

Why don't you stay with us till tomorrow?

Now give me your cell phone.

Give me your phone.

Don't even think about warning your boy. 'Cause if these guys are cops, whoever's holding that weed is going to jail for a long time.

[Knock at door]

Hey.

Hey. God, you scared the hell out of me.

Sorry.

Look at you.

You look great. Thanks.

Tell me you decided to work with Trevor.

Yeah. Trial basis. Yeah.

What are you doing here?

My mom is coming by my place later.

And I don't want to mess it up, so I'm hanging here.

[Softly] Got to go.

Hey. Come here.

Mm.

You want to look perfect on your first day.

Yeah.

I've got to go.

Mm-hmm.

Great. Thanks.

Donna, we're gonna need to streamline this.

Give each guy a hard time.

Before you send them back, give me a wink if they say something clever.

Cool? Okay.

What are you looking for?

Another me.

[Exhales]

[Overlapping chatter]

So, chip, what makes you think that I'm gonna let the whitest man that I have ever seen interview for our firm?

Because I have an appointment.

Hmm.

You can do this.

Kid, what is wrong with you?

You look like you're 11 years old.

I was late to puberty.

Harvey Specter.

Uh, excuse me.

I was thinking about going for a swim.

Are the pool facilities here nice?

Of course, sir.

This is the Chilton Hotel.

And do you have the time?

Yes, uh... 10:00. Thanks.

He saw your g*n.

You think that's him?

Matches the description.

But he didn't go in the room.

It's 10:00 exactly. He's just walking by?

Go after him. Stay on the radio.

Rick Sorkin.

Rick Sorkin.

[Coughs]

Rick Sorkin?

Excuse me, Mr. Sorkin, you are five minutes late.

Is there a reason why I should let you in?

Look, I'm just trying to ditch the cops, okay?

I don't really care if you let me in or not.

Mr. Specter will be right with you.

What?

Can I get you anything? A coffee or a bottle of water?

Hi, Rick Sorkin.

Harvey Specter. Nice to meet you.

Why don't you have a seat here?

Whoa. What's this?

Can I help you?

No.

How the hell did you know they were the police?

I read this novel in elementary school, and it was the exact same thing.

You read a novel in elementary school.

What? I like to read.

And why'd you ask them what time it was?

Throw 'em off.

What kind of drug dealer asks a cop what time it is when he's got a briefcase full of pot, right?

We should hire you.

Jesus, I'd give you the 25 grand as a signing bonus.

I'll take it.

Unfortunately, we only hire from Harvard.

And you not only did not go to Harvard law school, you haven't even gone to any law school.

What if I told you that I consume knowledge like no one you've ever met, and I've actually passed the bar?

I'd say you're full of crap.

That's a barbri legal handbook right there, right?

Open it up. Read me something.

Anything. "Civil liability associated with agency is based on several factors--" "Including the deviation "of the agent from his path, "the reasonable inference of agency on behalf "of the plaintiff, and the nature of the damages themselves."

How did you know that?

I learned it when I studied for the bar.

Okay, hotshot, fire up this laptop.

I'm gonna show you what a Harvard attorney can do.

Pick a topic.

Stock option backdating.

Although backdating options is legal, violations arise related to disclosures under IRC section 409A.

You forgot about sarbanes-oxley.

The statute of limitations renders sarbanes-oxley moot post 2007.

Not if you can find actions to cover up the violation as established in the sixth circuit, may 2008.

That's impressive, but you're sitting at a computer.

Playing hearts.

Sorry. If you want to b*at me, you're gonna have to do it at something else.

How can you know all that?

I told you. I like to read.

And once I read something, I understand it.

And once I understand it, I never forget it.

Why take the bar?

This dickhead bet me I couldn't pass it without going to law school.

Okay, look, this is all pretty fascinating stuff, but I'm afraid I got to get back to work.

I'll make sure that serpico isn't around waiting for you.

You want this job so much, why didn't you just go to law school?

When I was in college, it was my dream to be a lawyer.

I needed some money, and Trevor convinced me to memorize this math test and to sell it.

Turns out we sold it to the Dean's daughter.

I lost my scholarship, I got kicked out of school, I...

I got knocked into a different life.

And I have been wishing for a way back ever since.

Let me tell you something.

This isn't elementary school. This is hard work.

Long hours. High pressure.

I need a grown g*dd*mn man.

You give me this, and I will work as hard as it takes to school those Harvard douches and become the best lawyer you have ever seen.

I'm inclined to give you a sh*t, but what if I decide to go another way?

I'd say that's fair.

Sometimes I like to hang out with people who aren't that bright, you know, just to see how the other half lives.

Move over.

I'm emailing the firm I just found our next associate.

All right. You're gonna start a week from Monday.

Here's what you're gonna do.

First, no more pot. We drug test.

Stop smoking now, you'll be fine, I assume that's all the dr*gs you do.

How do you know that?

You read books, I read people.

And potheads smoke pot. That's what they do.

It's not all I do. I have interests.

You're Albert friggin' Einstein, and you couldn't manage to get into law school?

You think that's not from smoking weed?

Trevor got--

That's another thing.

You're never gonna talk to Trevor again.

You're gonna ditch that briefcase, and you're gonna get on a plane to Harvard, and you're gonna learn everything there is about going to law school there.

Did you buy that suit? Yeah.

Let's buy some new ones.

Hi.

How do I sign up for today's law school tour?

You go back in time six weeks because that's when it booked up.

Um...

This is Harvard law.

We get over 7,000 applications a year.

You think you can just walk in and take a tour?

Thank you.

Eduardo Fernandez, who, first of all, looks like he works at the public pool or something, and he comes up to me the other day, and I completely know he's a freshman.

And he looks at me and he goes, "Where's the public health school?"

Which is right around the corner, and you know what I tell him? Clifford Watkins?

Excuse me.

Can I help you?

Jonathan atwater.

I work for Dean wormer in the admissions office.

Yes, of course. What can I do for you?

Well, the Dean personally sent me down here to invite you to a small cocktail hour for some of our more realistic candidates.

And we'd like to keep this sort of thing discreet, so if you'd subtly hand me your name tag, you can proceed directly to the Dean's office.

Congratulations.

Harvard law is the oldest law school in the country and boasts the most successful graduates in the world.

Currently, we are six of nine supreme court justices and, of course, the president of the United States.

[Alarm clock buzzing]

Uh, hi, good morning.

I'm here to see... Have a seat.

Thank you.

Mike Ross?

Hi, I'm Rachel Zane.

I'll be giving you your orientation.

Wow. You're pretty.

Good. You've hit on me.

We can get it out of the way that I am not interested.

No, I'm sorry. I wasn't hitting on you.

Trust me.

I've given dozens of these, and without fail, whatever new hotshot it is thinks that, because I'm just a paralegal, that I will somehow be blown away by his dazzling degree.

Let me assure you, I won't.

I was. I was hitting on you.

You were. Take notes.

I'm not gonna repeat myself.

I love you.

The firm operates on a chain of command model.

Harvey's your commanding officer.

However, Louis Litt, he oversees all associates, so you'll also answer to him.

What do you think about Harvey?

People are in awe of him.

They say he's the best closer there is, but I have very little contact with him, so I don't know.

And what about Louis Litt?

Let's continue with your tour.

Hey, Becky. You are glowing.

I wonder why that is. Oh, yeah.

It's the day they announce my promotion.

Jimmy, have you lost weight?

Steve-O.

Looking like a guy who came to work.

Excuse me, why are you scratching off the senior off my door?

I got a work order to take it off.

Who issued the work order?

My supervisor.

Why did he issue the work order?

If I knew that, I'd be his supervisor.

You seem to be enjoying yourself.

I haven't enjoyed myself since 2004.

Donna!

Someone's trying to have a little fun with me here.

Jessica wants to see you in her office.

Now.

And finally, this is where you'll live.

[Laughs]

Wow.

I gave you that for a reason. You haven't taken one note.

That's because--

Because you were too busy ogling me to listen to a word I've said?

Partners' offices anchor the wings.

Fifth floor's research, sixth is security.

All work gets billed, even if it's finding an address.

I answer to Harvey and Louis Litt, and, judging by the way you responded to my questions, I should admire Harvey and I should fear Louis.

You have been here for five years, and just because I outrank you does not mean I have the authority to command your services.

Oh, it's also pretty clear that you think you're too smart to be a paralegal.

You know what nobody likes?

Nobody likes a showoff.

You used the word "ogling."

When do I get to see Harvey?

Gerald Tate fired the firm.

So you're taking my promotion away.

You know, most firms would put you in front of the bar and have your license stripped.

You lied to a client, and he figured it out.

I lied to him to get him to do the right thing and honor his g*dd*mn contract.

And you didn't seem to mind so much when you thought I got away with it.

But you didn't get away with it.

And I can't justify handing you a promotion on the same day that you lose a huge client.

One client doesn't make a firm.

I don't know if you've noticed, but we're in the middle of an economic meltdown.

Companies aren't exactly lining up to spend money on attorneys right now.

And, you know, Gerald might have forgiven the lying had you not humiliated him.

But you did, and you need to accept that.

Jessica, if you hadn't done as much for me as you have, I'd be heading for the door.

If I hadn't done as much for you as I have, I'd be throwing you out the window.

But, Harvey, no more shenanigans.

You do one more thing that isn't straight as an arrow, and instead of covering your ass, I will put you in front of the bar myself.

Mike.

Hey.

Who's ready for a great first day?

I'm gonna have to let you go.

What?

I just got reamed for lying to a client, and if they find out that I lied about you going to Harvard, they'll take away my license.

[Beep]

[Over intercom] You what?

Not now, Donna.

Look, I have to put my own interests above yours. It's nothing personal.

You're fired.

Wait, so you're worried that if I stay, then they might find out that you lied about me and you'll lose your license.

But if you fire me, then I could tell them that you lied about me, and you'd definitely lose your license.

Are you telling me that if I throw you under the bus, you're gonna drag me with you?

You put your interests above mine, and I'm just putting mine back up next to yours.

You're rehired.

So should I... all right.

Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna give me back my promotion, and that's the last we're gonna talk about this.

And why is that?

Because if you don't, I'm gonna go across town and join Rick Peterson.

I'm gonna approach every client I've ever closed, and I'm gonna take them with me.

You do that, and you'll force me to put you in front of the ethics board.

I don't think you will.

And why not?

Because you were obligated to notify them the second I lied to Gerald, but you didn't.

You put me in front of the board right now, I'll put you right up there with me.

Hmm.

I'll...I'll give you your promotion.

But you have to do something for me.

Anything.

Ah. Pro Bono.

Anything but that.

Harvey, Pro Bono cases are how we, as a firm, show that we care about more than just ourselves.

I'm not saying we shouldn't do them.

I'm saying I shouldn't do them.

And it's how you can show me that you care about more than just yourself.

You'll handle this yourself.

You will not pass it off.

Absolutely.

Your first case.

Awesome. What is it?

Pro Bono.

Sexual harassment.

Don't tell anyone I laid it off on you, and don't screw it up. Got it.

You can't handle it. I'll knock it out of the park.

Easy, Clarence Thomas. Just go meet the client.

Hey. Didn't I tell you to get some better suits?

I spent $500.

For how many suits?

Five.

What?

Nancy?

Mike?

Yeah, hi.

You're a kid.

No, I'm a... I'm a grown man.

You're so skinny. Have a grape.

Thank you.

Why don't you tell me your story?

It started two years ago.

I was a stay-at-home mom to my son, Freddie.

And one day we were at little league, Freddie was five.

He really hated that he couldn't play with the older kids.

It was the third inning, and I got a phone call.

My husband had been in a car accident, and he was gone, just like that.

I'm so sorry.

I did the best I could.

I got myself a job as a secretary at Devlin McGreggor.

And I even got promoted to secretary of the president, Charles Hunt.

And that's when it all changed.

It's okay. Tell me what happened.

He started asking me to stay late, order in dinners together, stuff like that.

One night, he says that if I sleep with him, he's gonna take care of me in the firm, and, if I don't, he's gonna fire me.

So what did you do?

I went to human resources.

They said they investigated, couldn't find anything to support my claim.

Two months later, I was fired for poor job performance.

They wouldn't let me say good-bye to anybody.

They wouldn't write me a letter of recommendation.

I wasn't looking for a payoff.

All I wanted was for it to stop.

Can you help me?

Uh, yes.

Yes, I can.

What do you need my help for?

Wait, can I just--

No, give me the update.

You know, she's a nice woman.

She... On the case.

I don't get emotionally attached to the client.

This woman had her life ripped apart.

You don't even care?

I'm not about caring. I'm about winning.

Why can't you be about both?

I'd explain it to you, but then I'd have to care about you.

What are you doing?

Don't touch that.

I'm just checking my lock.

You ride your bike to...

It's locked, okay?

Come on.

Defense sent over the investigation files as a courtesy. No, they didn't.

Nobody does anything as a courtesy.

They sent those files because that's where they want you to look.

Listen, being a lawyer's like being a doctor.

You mean how you don't get emotional about the client?

No, I mean you keep pressing until it hurts.

Then you know where to look.

Forget about impeaching the investigation.

It won't lead anywhere. No employee's gonna testify against their own CEO. Okay.

So what do you suggest I do?

Think. This guy's done this once...

He's done it before.

And if the people who work for him now won't testify against him...

Someone who used to work for him might.

You know what, I'd subpoena the personnel records of every woman who's left the firm during this guy's tenure. That's funny.

That's exactly what I thought.

Then what do you need my help for?

I don't know how to fill out a subpoena.

Figure it out yourself.

Donna, can you show me how to fill out a subpoena?

Absolutely. And after that, you want me to show you how to wipe your ass?

It's funny, because you should already know how to do both those things.

Ha, yeah, that's hilarious.

What's that? That's my suit guy.

Go in, tell him I sent you, and spend some money.

What does it matter how much money I spend on suits?

People respond to how we're dressed, so like it or not, this is what you have to do.

That's weird, you giving me advice.

It sounds like you actually care about me.

I don't. You're a reflection of me, and I absolutely care about me.

So get your skinny tie out of my face and get to work.

That was a little harsh.

Really?

Yeah.

Mike.

Where are you going?

It's 6:30. I'm going home.

[Laughs]

Okay. What's so funny?

You're a rookie associate.

If you go home before 9:00 on your first week, you're not gonna make it through your first month.

And Louis Litt wants to see you.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Mm-hmm.

This tie, is it too skinny?

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

I know you had orientation from Rachel, but I wanted to give you a special welcome from me.

Amongst other things, I'm sort of the disciplinarian of the associates.

[Tap on glass]

You wanted to see me?

Yes.

Gary, please come in. Mike, this is Gary Lipsky.

Gary's one of our most promising associates from last year.

Hi.

Gary, Ms. Pearson wanted me to ask, have you completed the petramco filing?

Well, my brother was in over the weekend, so I didn't really get to it.

Look, I mean, Gary, come on.

This is, like, the third time I've had to ask.

I'll get right on it.

Don't bother. You're fired.

What? You can't fire me.

Oh, yes, I can. And I just did.

Go pack up your things.

Don't you ever show your face in this place again.

See, I arranged for you to see that because we pay our associates very well and we provide the opportunity for unlimited advancement.

But in return we expect results.

Have I made myself clear?

Yeah.

Great.

Welcome to Pearson Hardman.

Feel free to go back to work.

Harvey.

Okay, I have two words for you.

Absolutely beautiful.

You think you're the only one who can charm a client?

Categorically stunning.

How's the new kid working out?

Regally hot.

You're an idiot.

Jessica Pearson.

Good night, Harvey.

[Sports announcer chatter]

What are you doing here?

Watching sportscenter.

Boo-yah.

You won't return my phone calls.

Ah, yeah, because you set me up.

Do you remember that? You think I knew about that?

Here we go. Round 50 of I get the shaft because you didn't know the whole story.

You knew there were risks when you quoted that crap from that book.

Okay, you needed money, and I came through with an opportunity like always.

Besides, you weren't the only one who got screwed.

They pulled a g*n on me.

Oh, really?

And why did they do that?

To keep me from warning you.

So you did know.

Well, not until after it was too late.

Well, it's too late now.

Look, let me make it up to you.

Oh, you want to make it up to me?

Give me my key back.

Michael.

Come on.

You know I don't want to live in a world where we're not tight.

Then k*ll yourself.

Get out.

Get the hell out.

Donna, I need the... oh, also I didn't have a chance to... marry me?

I took care of that too.

We've been married for the last seven years.

Excellent.

Umm, Devlin McGreggor's fighting the subpoena.

They filed a motion to dismiss the case based on our lack of evidence.

Good.

Good.

Wait, what do you mean, "good"?

They don't want to hand over the files.

You pressed where it hurt.

You're looking in the right place.

Did you think they wouldn't fight back?

Well, I... now that you mention it.

Oh, my bad.

I keep forgetting you don't actually know anything.

[Mock laughs]

The idea is, you make a move, they make a move.

You go back and forth until one of you wins.

Okay, what if they win the motion and the case gets dismissed?

You're not as good as you think you are.

Harvey. What a coincidence.

I was wondering how the Pro Bono was coming.

I'm all over it.

That makes me very happy, because if I were to find out that you weren't putting in your full effort, I'd be very upset.

No worries. We're all good.

Rachel! Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. I need your help.

There's a hearing on my subpoena.

I've got three cases in front of you, so you're gonna have to wait in line.

No. No, no, no.

My hearing is tomorrow.

So why are you coming to me?

Because Donna says you're the best researcher in the firm.

Let me see the motion.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You have an office?

How do you have an office and I have a cubicle?

Like you said, I'm the best researcher in the firm. Really?

I just made that up.

I didn't even have time to talk to Donna.

Is this all a joke to you? 'Cause I take my job seriously.

No, I'm sorry.

Look, I was... look, you weren't there, okay.

I care about this woman.

She's got nowhere else to turn... and you can't help her by yourself.

I can.

I just prefer not to.

Okay.

You're asking to look at private files without any evidence of your assertion.

Yeah, but the only way that we can find the evidence is to look at those files.

It's a rickety argument.

But is there a precedent?

Let's go see if we can find one.

Research is as much art as science, so we're gonna look at privacy and harassment law so you can find a combination of cases to make an argument. I'll take privacy.

I'll take harassment law.

This'll take a while.

We're gonna need dinner.

Chinese.

No.

I can afford Chinese on my own.

This is on the firm. I want sushi.

Ooh.

So they told me to put my top investigator on it.

What did you do?

What could I do?

You were out of the country, I gave them Luderman.

[Laughs]

By the way, that dress...

What, this old thing? Come on.

Beautiful.

Vanessa, why don't we do this more often? 'Cause it always ends the same way.

Then why are we doing it now?

Harvey, I don't sleep around.

And I could never be in a relationship with you.

All you ever think about is yourself.

I'm thinking about you and me right now.

Please. I insist.

But I'm a gentleman.

Besides, you came through on Dockery for me, and I'm not one to forget a favor.

Neither am I.

Mr. Dockery, you naughty, naughty boy.

[Laughter]

You remember when I said you thought you were too smart to be a paralegal? Mm-hmm.

Why...

Aren't I a lawyer?

Mm.

I don't test well. What?

I am smart.

And I know I'd be a good lawyer.

I just--I don't know what it is.

I can't take tests, and I bombed the lsats.

And even if I could get into law school, there's no way I'd pass the bar.

So if only there was someone who could take the test for me.

Yeah, if only there were.

Yeah.

Hi. Where are you at with the research for tomorrow's hearing? Nothing yet.

You say you care about the client, but if you keep playing footsie instead of finding me an argument, the client's gonna lose.

I don't want to lose.

Ugh.

Look, it's no use.

Okay, their investigation's by the book.

We look like the bad guys coming in, putting them under duress.

What did you just say?

I said we look like the bad guys.

No, you said they did it by the book and we're putting them under duress.

Yeah.

Look.

Hmm.

This is good. We're gonna have some fun.

We? I get to go?

You didn't think I'd let you come along?

No.

Good instinct. I wasn't.

But then I thought it'd be cruel not to let you witness my greatness.

Okay, can I go get my bag?

No.

You're a true giver.

Other side.

Okay.

Your honor, this case should be thrown out.

Other than her story, the plaintiff doesn't have one piece of evidence.

Because the evidence lies within their personnel files, which they're conveniently refusing to hand over.

Those files contain sensitive information.

He's fishing at the expense of our employees' right to privacy.

Please. They don't give a rat's ass about his employees' right to privacy.

Sorry, that's actually unfair to rats' asses.

Your honor, Mr. Specter's claim that we don't care about our employees, though belittling, doesn't carry any weight as a rule of law.

True, but what does carry weight is that an investigation of sexual harassment must be conducted without any duress.

Your point?

The investigator and every person being interviewed answers to the ceo they're investigating.

That is the definition of duress.

It'd be as if your bailiff accused you of sexual harassment and you assigned your stenographer to investigate.

Now how likely would it be that this investigation yielded any fruit?

You honestly think I would harass Herman?

Well, I don't know, your honor.

Some people have a thing for the uniform.

Ugh. I'd like to think Herman would come to me before it even got to an investigation.

I saw that. That should be stricken.

But what if Herman did come to you, your honor?

And you betrayed his trust by f*ring him under false pretenses?

You really think that little of me?

I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you.

Your honor.

Hand over the files...

Oh--

Today.

That's it.

Herman, I'd like to speak to you in chambers.

That was awesome.

It was your argument.

I just framed it in a way that humanized the situation and brightened all of our afternoons.

I feel like Michael corleone in that scene where that fat guy teaches him how to sh**t that g*n.

Are you saying that I'm the fat guy? 'Cause I'm not the fat guy.

Mm.

You know what his name was?

Yeah.

Cordoza.

Clemenza.

I knew that.

I was just testing to see if you knew it.

I knew that you knew that I knew.

[Casual music]

♪ ♪

Train wreck.

Hey, I'm looking for rene.

I'm rene. I'm sorry.

We don't sell skinny jeans at this location.

Did Harvey tell you I was coming, or...?

Harvey Specter sent you?

That's another story.

Do you know your inseam?

I don't. It's probably a medium.

Oh. Why don't you browse for a while?

These are the most exclusive, and we move down in price as you head to the door.

Oh. Okay.

[Clears throat]

Large?

That's not how it works.

Huh.

[Cell phone rings]

So Trevor's getting you to do his dirty work for him, huh?

All I know is you aren't talking to each other.

I miss you.

I want things to go back to the way they were.

I miss you too. But...

I'm not sure things are ever going back to the way they were.

I gotta go.

What did he say?

He said things aren't ever going back to the way they were.

What did you do?

I don't know.

Hey.

So the files are on their way.

We won?

That's fantastic.

So now we have a week to corroborate Nancy's story.

Listen, I couldn't have done it without you.

You wouldn't even know where to look without me.

You know what nobody likes?

Nobody likes a showoff.

[Intercom beeps]

Hello.

Yeah, he's here.

Okay. Thank you.

Files are in conference room C.

Why wouldn't they bring them to my cubicle?

They're trying to bury you in paperwork.

Well, they picked the wrong guy.

If they didn't, I did.

Get it done by the end of the week.

I got to run and charm our new client.

[Sighs]

Nice to finally meet you.

Jessica says you're gonna sweep me off my feet.

I'll do my best, Mr. Dockery.

You got a nice serve there.

Working on it.

What the hell is this?

It's you having sex with a woman who isn't Mrs. Dockery.

Are you trying to blackmail me?

You asked my firm where you're vulnerable to corporate takeover.

That's it right there.

What are you pulling here?

Your wife owns 10%

of the company's voting shares.

You've been seeing this woman and several others for quite some time.

How do you think your wife's gonna vote after she finds out? Who says she has to find out?

My investigator got these within a week.

What do you think a motivated competitor's gonna dig up in a year?

I have a solution.

Trade her your preferred shares, which have no voting rights, for her common shares, which do.

The preferred shares are worth $2 million more.

A fraction of what you'll lose if you get voted out of your company.

John, I don't care if you sleep with every woman in the Hamptons.

Just give her the preferred shares.

Jessica said you were gonna charm me to get my business.

I'm not interested in getting your business.

I'm interested in keeping it.

I know where they don't want us to look.

Did you get through all those files in one night?

I would have done it faster, but I ordered a pizza.

Speaking of which, have you ever had the cheese in the crust?

Because it blew my mind. What'd you find?

There was a dismissal on march 12th, 2005.

But the file with the employee name on it is missing.

It's our woman. I know it is.

I'm moving to slap sanctions on their attorney, possible jail time.

Guy's not gonna know what hit him.

Dennis, it's Harvey Specter.

Did you have anything to do with the march 12, 2005 files left out of discovery?

If they're here by noon, I'll believe you.

If not, we're filing for sanctions.

thr*at of sanctions is better than filing for sanctions.

That's what I meant. thr*aten, not file.

Who would mean that?

Shave.

Have you ever heard of this woman?

Joanna Webster?

No. Why?

The company's trying to hide her from us.

You think Hunt did the same thing to her that he did to me? Yes.

Then you have to make her come forward and say so.

Yeah. That's the plan.

Thank you.

Joanna Webster?

Can I help you?

Hi. My name's Mike Ross.

I'm a... I'm a lawyer.

I have some questions for you about your time at Devlin McGreggor.

Please. Look, just let me tell you a story about my client, okay?

Fine. Just a second.

Mr. Ross, what happened to me happened six years ago.

It was horrible, and there was a reason I didn't do anything about it.

They'll put me on that stand and att*ck me, and I don't want that.

Ms. Webster, Joanna, this man is a predator, and if you don't help stop him, he will do it again.

All you have to do is give a deposition.

I'm sorry.

I can't do it.

What happened with the witness?

Uh, I failed...

To not be awesome.

I got her to testify!

You should have seen me. I tried everything.

He'd do it again, I'd be with her every step of the way...

Nothing worked.

And then it hit me.

I asked her what if it was her daughter that he did this to.

She melted.

And you know how I came up with that little gem?

I cared about her. Oh.

[Imitates g*nsh*t] Yeah.

Thank you.

I'm glad to see that staying up all night doesn't make you act like a complete idiot.

Go home and get some sleep.

I don't want you waving that thing around during tomorrow's deposition.

[Clears throat]

Harvey.

How's the pro Bono going?

Great. I just talked a witness into testifying.

Really? What's the witness's name?

I'm not an idiot.

Don't treat me like one.

You pawned off the case.

Jessica, I've got higher profile cases--

Need I remind you that when we first met, you were a screw-up?

I gave you a sh*t at the mail room, led you up the ranks, and then paid for you to go to Harvard, where, by the way, you jerked off the entire time you were there, and I still hired you.

And you've benefited from that ever since.

Look, I closed the Dockery case, okay.

You made a promise to me.

You broke it, and then you lied to my face.

So let me be clear. This isn't professional.

This is personal.

And I'll tell you something else.

You made your bed, you better g*dd*mn win.

God damn it.

What the hell is wrong with you? I need the briefcase back.

Oh, so that's what this has been about, huh?

You don't care about our friendship at all.

You're my oldest friend, and you know it.

But you don't seem to care about that anymore, and, yeah, I need the briefcase back.

And I'm gonna find it, Mike.

Well, I ditched it when I was running away from the cops that you sent me into.

Mike.

Where you going?

To my cubicle.

No, you're not. It's pee in a cup time.

I'm sorry. What?

Drug test. Follow me.

I'm just gonna put my stuff back... now.

Oh, by the way, my cousin was your year at Harvard.

And I asked him if he knew you.

It's so funny. He didn't.

Well, what's his name?

Mitch samberg.

Yeah. Don't know him.

It's a big school.

Not really.

We get 7,000 applications a year.

You think you can just walk in and take a tour?

Oh, Mitchell.

With the slicked back hair, graduated seventh in the class.

Sure. Yeah. I remember him.

Time to face the music.

I got to get to the Kendrick filing.

Where the hell is Mike?

I don't know.

Leave the cup on the counter.

You'll have to leave that out here.

Why?

If you take it in there with you, I have to check to make sure you don't have another urine sample in it.

[Laughs]

Where you been?

Hi. Um...

Getting drug tested, actually.

The deposition's this afternoon.

Before they get here, I want you to grill this woman about her background for anything they might use against her.

You got it? Got it.

Make her tell you everything.

Everything.

Everything.

Everything.

Okay.

Okay.

I had been working six months when Mr. Hunt started asking me to work more, order dinner.

One night, late, he tried to have sex with me.

The next day, I requested a change in assignment.

Two months later I was fired for having a bad attitude.

This is ridiculous.

Wipe that smirk off your face.

You're not even supposed to be here.

Mr. Hunt has every right to be here.

Now, Ms. Webster, after working for Devlin McGreggor, you then went on to waitress at Hooters, right?

Yes, I did.

A place that advertises the sexuality of its waitstaff, correct?

You will have to ask them that.

I'm asking you.

And she's not answering. Move on.

Ms. Webster, would you say that you're a truthful person?

Yes.

So when you said earlier that you had never been arrested for a crime, you were speaking the truth?

Yes.

Yes, so in 1993 then you were not arrested for stealing $1,000 worth of jewelry from the willow grove mall in Pennsylvania?

I was 17. That was one mistake.

Those records were supposed to be sealed.

So when you say those records were sealed, what you mean to say is you thought you could get away with a lie?

No, that's not it.

You're making it seem different that it is.

I'm sorry. You were arrested in your past and you lied about it here under oath.

Is that making it seem different than what it is?

No answer. Hmm, all right.

Let me ask you this, since you've lied here once, what's to make us believe you're not lying about Mr. Hunt?

How the hell did you miss that arrest?

I did every background check we have.

Did you grill her like I told you to?

It was a sealed record, Harvey!

g*dd*mn it, I knew it.

Fix it.

Joanna! Wait. Please!

This is why I didn't want to testify.

They twist something from 100 years ago and make me look like a liar.

They make it sound like what he did to me didn't happen.

It doesn't matter. All right?

I just--I need you to testify on Friday and keep this case alive.

We don't have time to find anyone else before... would you please wait?

No. I'm not waiting.

You promised this wouldn't happen, and it did.

You never told me you were arrested.

Don't contact me again, please.

What happened with the witness?

Nothing. Nothing happened. I couldn't fix it.

So you're going to quit?

It's either that or have Louis Litt fire me.

What are you talking about?

My first day, Louis fired Gary Lipsky for screwing up a case.

He said if I did the same thing I'd be gone just as fast.

Well, you go back to the witness' house and you get her to testify again.

I tried. There's no way.

There's always a way.

Then why don't you go and convince her?

Because you screwed it up.

Oh, and you don't give a damn about the client. Right.

That's not my job.

Does your job include giving a damn about me?

Because the least you could do is offer to stand up to Louis for me. Stand up for you?

I put my ass on the line for you, but it turns out you may have had the balls to get this job, but you don't have the courage to stick it out when it gets tough.

That's not true.

Isn't it?

You've had one foot out the door since you got here. What are you talking about?

I'm talking about that briefcase being locked in your desk. Yeah, I saw it.

And I know what it is.

It's your backup plan in case this doesn't work out.

You can make some quick cash and go right back to the life you told me you didn't want to lead.

So if you want to quit, go ahead.

But this isn't because of Louis, and it isn't because of me.

It's because you're afraid you might have to admit that you're not as smart as you think you are.

If you're here in the morning, I'll know I still have an associate.

Hey, I get that you were upset that I was promoted before you, but if you ever thr*aten to fire one of my guys again, I am going to kick your ass.

Hmm. What are you talking about?

Don't play dumb with me, all right?

You fired Gary Lipsky in front of Mike Ross.

What's so funny?

Gary Lipsky works in the mail room.

What?

I didn't fire anyone.

That's how I let the new associates know what's expected of them.

You plant a fake employee to manipulate the assoc... that's it.

What?

Michael.

I want to quit.

Come here.

When your parents d*ed, I lost my son and my daughter-in-law.

I was scared, alone, and I was too old to raise you.

But I had no choice.

Because who else was going to care of my grandson?

You made me a promise before.

You're in the door.

Promise me now the only way you'll leave is if they rip you out.

You can save your breath.

There's no way I'm testifying at the hearing tomorrow.

That's not why I'm here.

I know what you did. What are you talking about?

You never worked for Devlin McGreggor, and you were never harassed by Mr. Hunt.

That's a l--

Now I could tell you that I've got the canceled checks or the wire transfer or whatever smoking g*n that exists--I don't.

But I will. And when I do, you'll be going to jail unless you tell me what happened right now.

I'm the guy you tell.

All I had to do was waste your time until tomorrow after the hearing.

Please, I just needed the money.

I don't want to go to jail.

Here's what you're gonna do...

Did you call this place before?

Mike!

Hey.

I'm not giving this to you because you need it.

I'm giving it to you because I don't.

And I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you yet or not, but I do know we're even.

Wait a second.

I...

[Scoffs]

Well...

[Sighs]

[Laughs]

Don't.

Now we're even.

Huh.

I see you came to work today. Nice suit.

It was a barter transaction.

I got six of them for one little briefcase.

Listen...

I'm sorry and--

Forget it.

When I first started, Jessica rode me so hard...

I quit once a month.

I just told you what you needed to hear.

That's just it. I've only ever had one person who told me what I needed to hear.

Maybe it's time I started trusting somebody else.

Merry Christmas.

Is this for real?

You know what to do.

Press until it hurts.

Wire transfer from your account to Joanna Webster's, phone records with Joanna Webster prior to her testimony, and an affidavit stating you paid Ms. Webster to falsely testify.

Mr. Hunt, harassment is a civil violation.

The penalty is money.

But witness tampering, that's a crime, and you will go to prison, where I guarantee you'll learn more about unwanted sexual advances than you can possibly imagine.

Do you think this is going to intimidate me?

Even if this evidence was credible, who are you going to get to prosecute a small-time witness tampering charge, huh?

Harvey, didn't you graduate law school with the current U.S. attorney in New York?

In fact, I did.

And I think he might even be interested in pursuing a case like this.

Wait, are you two still close?

Well, I was the best man at his wedding.

Wow.

No, you weren't.

You're bluffing.

No.

I think I've got some pictures...

Of us at the ceremony.

Let's see.

Yeah. Here we are.

You must admit, I look very dashing.

This is me and his mother.

The woman adores me.

Here we are at his bachelor party.

There's no strippers. It was lame.

But he can't put guys like you away for sexual harassment and then go to strip clubs, now, can he?

All right. What do you want?

An admission of guilt and a guarantee that you'll obtain treatment before working again.

And Nancy gets reinstated with back pay.

Fine.

And a raise.

Okay. All right.

Are we done?

The kid should be able to grow up without the burden of tuition hanging over his head, don't you think?

Which is why you're also gonna pay Nancy an extra $250,000.

Charles.

Gentlemen.

[Laughs]

Thank you for everything.

You're welcome.

So just one question.

Why'd you go to Joanna's house?

Because I figured it out.

I object.

I think you did it because you care.

I did it because it's my job.

Would you admit it? You care about me.

I saw you smile when I showed up for work this morning.

I didn't smile. I was thinking of a funny joke.

Look, we start on this tomorrow.

Does this mean we're officially a team now?

I wouldn't move your things into Wayne manor just yet.

So now you're Batman?

Closer to him than Clemenza.

Oh, yeah, kilmer.

Clooney.

Both: Keaton.

Did you really quit when you first started?

Of course not. I'm not a wuss.