Transcripts - Forever Dreaming

MUSIC IN:

INT. CAR - MOVING

WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) Well, what do you want?

JERRY: (INTO PHONE) Honey, I don't care. Whatever you want.

WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) You don't care?

JERRY: (INTO PHONE) I didn't mean I don't care like that. I'm just not that picky.

WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) How come I always come up with the ideas?

JERRY: (INTO PHONE) Why don't you make that thing you made the first night I came over?

WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) What was that thing I made?

JERRY: (INTO PHONE) It had a green sauce, right?

WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) You don't even know, do you?

JERRY: (INTO PHONE) Honey, do we have to do this now?

WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) You never remember anything we've done.

JERRY: (INTO PHONE) It's our anniversary!

WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) You never listen to me! In fact, Jerry...

(SFX: g*nf*re)

WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) Jerry! Jerry!

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR CRASHES OVER THE EMBANKMENT)

(MUSIC OUT)

(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT)

FADE IN:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

"SWITCH"

TONY: Hey, finish that database yet, Probie?

MCGEE: Yesterday.

TONY: Well then it should have been on my desk yesterday, shouldn't it?

MCGEE: I didn't realize a compilation of nudie bars was that urgent.

TONY: Well, it is.

MCGEE: Why?

TONY: I don't have to explain myself to a junior agent.

MCGEE: Okay, is this work related because..?

TONY: But I will just this once. It's a mercy mission, Probie. A buddy of mine is getting married to a particularly unpleasant beast of a woman.

MCGEE: So?

TONY: So? So the memory of his bachelor party will be the only thing that sustains him through the rest of his miserable existence.

MCGEE: I will print it out as soon as I'm finished with this, okay?

TONY: On behalf of men everywhere we thank you, Probie. What are you working on?

MCGEE: I'm reviewing my credit card statement - there appears to be some anomalies.

TONY: Fifty DVD copies of Forrest Hump?

MCGEE: Yeah, see I don't even know what a Forrest Hump is.

TONY: Well, it's like Forrest Gump with naked people, Probie.

MCGEE: What?

TONY: It's a p*rn... or so I've been told.

MCGEE: It's... it's obviously an error with the credit card company.

TONY: Or it's identity theft!

MCGEE: No. It's not possible. I use a secure browser and the latest firewall protection.

TONY: Look at that. A five thousand dollar charge from John Deere. A down payment on that combine you've always dreamed of, Probie.

GIBBS: Put the farm equipment on hold. A sailor was sh*t on Route Two Forty Nine. Tony, grab the gear. Green Acres -- gas the truck. Where the hell is David?

MCGEE: Ah, Boss, Officer David is... uh...

ZIVA: Late. I took the wrong bus this morning. Had to walk from the Eighteenth Street stop.

TONY: That's a tough part of town.

ZIVA: I've been in worse. Won't happen again, Gibbs.

GIBBS: I know.

CUT TO:

EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD - DAY

HAMPTON: Special Agent Gibbs?

TONY: No, he's the older gentleman with the smile on his face.

HAMPTON: Agent Gibbs, car's in the crevice at the bottom. The victim's dead inside. Lieutenant Hampton, Virginia State Police. The last few yards are pretty steep. One of the EMTs managed to make it all the way down. The fire department's bringing in special equipment to extricate the body. It's going to take a while.

GIBBS: McGee.

MCGEE: Yeah.

GIBBS: Sketch. Get close enough without breaking your neck.

MCGEE: On it.

GIBBS: DiNozzo, photos. Is there a problem?

TONY: You didn't say anything about my neck. But I'll be careful.

ZIVA: What about me?

GIBBS: Who called it in?

HAMPTON: His wife. She was on the phone with him when it happened.

GIBBS: Officer David, take her statement.

ZIVA: I should warn you I'm not very good with women.

GIBBS: Well that'll make two things you're not very good at today.

ZIVA: And the first!?

GIBBS: Being on time.

DUCKY: I'm sorry for the delay, Jethro.

JIMMY: Traffic was m*rder. Sorry, poor choice of words there.

GIBBS: See what you can get, Duck. He's trapped in there pretty good.

DUCKY: Oh, we'll do our best. But I hope you brought more appropriate footwear, Mister Palmer. Our journey to our Petty Officer looks rather challenging.

JIMMY: Don't worry, Doctor. I have a merit badge in hiking.

DUCKY: I have a driver's license, Mister Palmer. It doesn't mean I turn up at Indianapolis in my Morgan.

CUT TO:

EXT. SIDE OF HIGHWAY - DAY

ZIVA: You were on the phone with him when he was sh*t?

WENDY: He couldn't remember pesto and it pissed me off. How stupid is that?

ZIVA: Could you tell me how many sh*ts?

WENDY: Do you know what the last words I said to him were? I called him a bastard and I can't take it back. Not now I can't.

CUT TO:

EXT. CLEARING - DAY

TONY: If it's any consolation, Probie, I had my identity stolen once.

MCGEE: Really?

TONY: I had a charge on my VISA for a vintage Barbie doll. Career Girl outfit.

MCGEE: Ooh, with the matching briefcase and pumps? Oh, I had a girlfriend who collected once. We used to line them up on the....

TONY: I lost respect for you at the word pumps. Back to work.

MCGEE: It's kind of hard to sketch from this distance.

TONY: Well, don't get any closer. It gets steeper as it gets deeper. One false move and--

(F/X: JIMMY RUNS PAST)

JIMMY: Whoa! Whoa! Ah!!

TONY: Good hustle, Palmer.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET - DAY

ZIVA: No skid marks. He didn't attempt to control the car before it went over. They were having an argument over a six month anniversary. I don't understand the half year thing. I thought perhaps...

GIBBS: I don't understand anniversaries, period.

ZIVA: Apparently, neither did her husband. She was screaming at him on the phone when she heard a loud g*nsh*t followed by the crash.

GIBBS: What else?

ZIVA: She could hear a low moan for a few minutes after impact.

CUT TO:

EXT. RAVINE - DAY

JIMMY: Oh, yeah. I think it's sprained, guys. Oh, Doctor Mallard's going to be upset, isn't he?

MCGEE: Ah, wouldn't worry about him, but if Gibbs sees you wearing loafers at a crime scene....

TONY: He'll pretty much k*ll you dead.

JIMMY: (IN PAIN) Ach!(TONY TOUCHES JIMMY'S ANKLE)

CUT TO:

EXT. CAR - DAY

(SFX: DUCKY MOVES QUICKLY THROUGH THE BUSHES)

DUCKY: Ah! They were having a little trouble with the help. Nothing for you to worry about. It's going to take more time than usual, but we're going to get you out of there, I promise. (SHOUTS) Is anybody going to (V.O.) join me down here?

MCGEE: Uh.. Gibbs said not to get too close!

TONY: Yeah, you really shouldn't be down there, Ducky. It's not safe.

DUCKY: The exit wound to the Petty Officer's neck seems to indicate the b*llet went straight through. (V.O.) There could be a spent round that might be crucial to our investigation.

MCGEE: Why, as you've pointed out many times, I'm just a junior field agent.

TONY: All the more reason you need the experience, Probie.

MCGEE: How about I follow in your footsteps? You lead the way.

TONY: How about you kiss my experienced buttocks?

DUCKY: Am I going to have (ON CAMERA) to call Jethro (V.O.) on this one, gentlemen?

TONY: No, we're good. The chances of finding that b*llet are....

CUT TO:

INT. LAB - DAY

ABBY: One in a million. You've got to see this, Gibbs. The grooves made that pattern. It's the exact same design as the cover of Plastic Death's second CD. Don't even tell me you don't know who Classic Death is because it's only like my favorite...

GIBBS: Not now, Abby.

ABBY: But it could be a sign, Gibbs. Like that tortilla skillet with the image of Jesus in it. They thought that was a miracle.

GIBBS: It'll be a miracle if you still have a job if you don't get back on topic.

ABBY: I see your point, O Great One. This is me getting back on topic. Nine millimeter. A hundred and twenty grain. The window was rolled up when he was sh*t.

GIBBS: Glass.

ABBY: There's traces in the rifling.

GIBBS: Manufacturer.

ABBY: Can't tell. I'm going to plug this into the FBI's DRUGFIRE database, and see if I get a match. But...

GIBBS: But it's going to take a while.

ABBY: See? Mind reading. There may be something supernatural going on here.

GIBBS: Let me know when you have something.

ABBY: I'll bet I could see this on eBay! Did you know they got twenty eight grand for the grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary on it? Gibbs?

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

MCGEE: Preliminary trajectory shows that the b*llet passed straight through the driver's side window. So I recommend we search the area along this path looking for spent brass.

ZIVA: You won't find it. Nine millimeter rounds are slow and only accurate to about thirty meters. The sh**t was in a moving car that pulled up alongside.

TONY: Yeah, that is one possibility, Ziva. But, you see, we're investigators, which means we investigate things. We don't assume.

GIBBS: She's right. Wife said she heard the g*nsh*t over the phone. The sh**t had to be close.

ZIVA: Thank you.

GIBBS: What do we know about Petty Officer Smith?

MCGEE: Ah, ran his m*llitary I.D. He was a clerk at Norfolk. Had four months left before his discharge.

GIBBS: Tony, take Ziva with you and check with the C.O. When you're done with that, sweep the trajectory for brass.

ZIVA: But why? You just said...

GIBBS: Because DiNozzo's right, too.

CUT TO:

INT. NORFOLK NAVAL STATION - DAY

ZIVA: All of these people are in the m*llitary.

TONY: Yeah, the uniforms are kind of a dead giveaway.

ZIVA: Then why aren't they armed?

TONY: Because we're in America, and the machine g*ns would just get in the way.

MORRIS: (INTO PHONE) All right. Okay.

TONY: Commander.

MORRIS: What can I do for NCIS today?

TONY: I'm sorry I have to tell you this, Sir, but one of your men was k*lled this morning.

MORRIS: My god, who?

ZIVA: Petty Officer Jerry Smith.

MORRIS: Smith?

TONY: He was sh*t on Route Two Forty Nine on his way into work.

MORRIS: I think you have my man confused with someone else. That's Petty Officer Jerry Smith right over there.

(MUSIC UP AND OUT)

FADE IN:

INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY

SMITH: Why would anyone want to impersonate me?

ZIVA: Let's see. Blackmail, espionage, terrorism, potential assassination.

SMITH: I'm just... I'm just a clerk, Ma'am. I don't even have a security clearance or anything.

ZIVA: What kind of a clerk?

SMITH: I'm in a supply unit. I'm a SK-Two.

ZIVA: I'm new to NCIS, Petty Officer. You're going to have to be more specific.

SMITH: Well, basically I'm just a storekeeper. Um... like today I filled requests for T.P., liquid soap, toilet-seat covers. We call it getting ahead day. Because in the Navy, the head is another word...

ZIVA: For the toilet. Yes, I know. Perhaps this has something to do with your personal life?

SMITH: Well, probably not. I don't really have one. I mean, most nights I just go home and surf the web or watch reality TV. Really into Survivor. Average Joe. The Amazing Race is cool. I like Extreme Makeover, but....

ZIVA: I don't own a TV.

SMITH: Really? Wow, I don't think I've ever met someone who didn't...

ZIVA: What does your wife think about all of this nightly stimulation?

PETTY OFFICER: I don't have a wife. No girlfriend either. I just don't really seem to do very well in that department. It's just me and Max.

ZIVA: Max is your boyfriend?

PETTY OFFICER: No. No! Geez, I'm like as straight as they come. Max is a Marmoset.

ZIVA: A monkey.

PETTY OFFICER: A pet. Nothing more.

ZIVA: That's.... reassuring, Petty Officer.

PETTY OFFICER: A buddy of mine was shipping out. He was in a bind. I said no way, but when I got one look at the little guy... he's just so damn cute, Ma'am.

MORRIS: (V.O.) Petty Officer Smith...

(ZIVA CHUCKLES)

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE - DAY

MORRIS: ...Was transferred from Pearl about the same time I was, Agent DiNozzo.

TONY: You serve with him there?

MORRIS: Different units. We never crossed paths until this Command.

TONY: What kind of a sailor is he?

MORRIS: Officially? He's never missed a day's work. He's always on time.

TONY: I'm more interested in unofficially, Commander.

MORRIS: It's not in my nature to be disparaging.

TONY: Well, I've got a body lying on a slab back at NCIS. So by all means, disparage away.

MORRIS: I guess you could say Petty Officer Smith is not the brightest sailor that I've ever commanded. Now that I say it out loud, the thought occurs to me that could very well be the reason that someone found it so easy to steal his identity.

TONY: Can you think of any reason why someone would want to impersonate him?

MORRIS: God no, Agent DiNozzo. God no!

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

(MCGEE SLAMS THE PHONE ON THE RECEIVER)

TONY: More p*rn?

GIBBS: What do we have, McGee?

MCGEE: Three more charges since yesterday. Sorry. Sorry, boss. Um... uh... cell phone records are downloading now. Okay, it looks like Petty Officer Smith... Petty Officer Smith in the car not the one on base who's the real Smith...

GIBBS: Yeah, I got it, McGee.

MCGEE: Well he was definitely talking to Mrs. Smith, if that is her real name.

GIBBS: McGee!

MCGEE: Ah... he was talking to her at their home from his cell just before she called in the accident. I've got an address here. It's an apartment in Newport News. Lease is in the wife's name.

GIBBS: Ziva, you're with me.

ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Possibly a point man for an operational reconnaissance of the Naval Base. I--

(GIBBS HANGS UP THE PHONE)

TONY: That means you go with him.

MCGEE: Now.

TONY: Preferably before the elevator doors close.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED/ OPEN):

CUT TO:

INT. ELEVATOR - DAY

(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED)

ZIVA: You just hung up on Director Shepard.

GIBBS: Uh huh.

ZIVA: In my country, the officer in charge is always treated with...

GIBBS: In my country on my team working my cases, my people don't bypass the chain of command.

ZIVA: Which is?

GIBBS: Me! Are we clear on that, Officer David?

ZIVA: Crystal, Agent Gibbs.

(SFX: ELEVATOR POWER ON THEN OFF)

ZIVA: Except she called me. What would you have me do?

GIBBS: Smile. Talk about the weather. Tell her to call me.

ZIVA: And if that doesn't work?

GIBBS: You're a smart girl. Think of something.(SFX: ELEVATOR POWER ON)

ZIVA: I am merely trying to do my job.(SFX: ELEVATOR POWER OFF)

GIBBS: Your job is to follow my instructions.

ZIVA: And I respect that. Is it too much to ask for some in return?

GIBBS: (LONG b*at) No. It's not.

ZIVA: So that's it?

GIBBS: Mm-hmm.

ZIVA: Don't I even get a slap on the head?

GIBBS: Don't push it.

ZIVA: Just to be clear, are there any more of these rules I should be aware of?

GIBBS: About fifty of them.

ZIVA: Ha ha! And I don't suppose they're written down anywhere that I could...?

GIBBS: No.

ZIVA: Then how am I supposed to...

GIBBS: My job is to teach them to you.

CUT TO:

INT. WENDY'S HOUSE - DAY

GIBBS: No picture of your husband in uniform?

WENDY: Jerry hated the Navy. He only joined for the money they'd give him for college. But he couldn't wait to get out. I was so mean to him on the phone. It was our half-anniversary.

ZIVA: We know. A very special occasion.

WENDY: Why can't men understand that?

GIBBS: Your husband talk about his work much, Mrs. Smith?

WENDY: Never. He wouldn't even let me visit him on base or even call him there.

ZIVA: You never saw him at his work?

GIBBS: You never dropped him off?

WENDY: I told you he hated the Navy. Every morning he'd put on his uniform and go to the office. As soon as he got home, couldn't get out of it fast enough.

ZIVA: You didn't know Jerry long before you married, did you?

WENDY: Only three months. I know! It was crazy! It just felt right, you know? Jerry was the first truly decent man I'd ever met. (b*at) What's going on here?

ZIVA: This is Petty Officer Jerry Smith. He's been working at Norfolk for about four months. His Commanding Officer confirmed it.

GIBBS: He look familiar?

ZIVA: I don't know this man. I don't understand.

ZIVA: Neither do we.

CUT TO:

INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY

JIMMY: Ow!

DUCKY: Discoloration indicates blunt forced trauma. Yes, these abdominal bruises here in this area are consistent with the door frame crushing against his body.

JIMMY: You think Epsom salt reduces the swelling faster?

DUCKY: Mister Palmer, I'm sure our mystery guest would appreciate it if you could concentrate all your efforts on helping me to discover the cause of his demise, rather than obsessing on how you will look in shorts this weekend.

JIMMY: Sorry, Doctor.

DUCKY: Actually, I found the ladies tend to be sympathetic towards visible injury.

JIMMY: Really?

DUCKY: Yes. My first year in college I suffered an unfortunate injury to my testicles. The excruciating pain was offset by an impressive swelling, which Ramona Kincaid, bless her heart, found extremely fascinating. Yeah... huh....the b*llet wound to the neck evaded the anterior triangle, thus missing both the carotid artery and jugular vein.

JIMMY: Most of the damage was muscular.

DUCKY: It also grazed the esophagus and thyroid. Oh, dear. Severe damage to the liver, pancreas, spleen. Oh and there's a nasty tear to the left ventricle caused by a bruised rib.

JIMMY: Cause of death is from the trauma of the crash.

DUCKY: You just earned yourself another merit badge, Mister Palmer. He was alive for several minutes after he was sh*t. Sorry to have to say it, my poor fellow, but you'd have been better off if your assassin had been a more precise marksman.

CUT TO:

INT. LAB - DAY

(MUSIC PLAYS B.G.)

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/ABBY PERFORMS TESTS)

(SFX: KEYBOARDING)

CUT TO:

INT. CAR - MOVING

ZIVA: You know, this case reminds me of something my father used to tell me as a child. Really, Ziva? What was that? He would say that no one could ever truly know another person or their secrets. I, of course, refused... to believe him. And now Ziva? As an adult, I believe he was never more honest with me. What do you believe, Gibbs?

GIBBS: I think I really got to get the radio in this car fixed.

(PHONE RINGS)

GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah Abby?

ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) I've got a match...(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)

(SCENE CUT)

ABBY: (INTO PHONE) ... Of a dead guy's prints, Gibbs.

(SCENE CUT)

ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) From the AFIS database.

GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) He's in the m*llitary?

(SCENE CUT)

ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Anchors away, Gibbs-o.

GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Who?

ABBY: (INTO PHONE) You're not going to believe it.

(SCENE CUT)

GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Try me.

ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) You're not!

GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Who the hell is he, Abs?

(SCENE CUT)

ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Petty Officer Jerry Smith. He actually is Petty Officer Jerry Smith. He's stationed at the Regional Supply Office in Norfolk.

(MUSIC OUT)

FADE IN:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

MCGEE: Okay, the dead guy downstairs who we thought was impersonating Petty Officer Jerry Smith is actually the real Petty Officer Jerry Smith. And that Jerry Smith Tony and Ziva talked to Norfolk turns out to be the fake Jerry Smith and... it's confusing.

TONY: Kind of like the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestile; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true. Court Jester? Danny Kaye? Come on, guys, it's a classic!

(SFX: GIBBS SLAPS TONY)

TONY: Thank you, Boss.

GIBBS: Who is he, McGee?

MCGEE: John Kirby. We lifted his prints from his desk at Norfolk.

TONY: His empty desk. He didn't report for duty today.

MCGEE: He and Smith had overlapping tours at Jacksonville in oh-two. Kirby was discharged in oh-three.

TONY: Honorably.

MCGEE: Boss, these guys must've had this planned from the first day of Smith's new assignment.

GIBBS: Think so, McGee? I'm gonna need Kirby's...

MCGEE: Address. He lives on West Little Creek. Been there about a year. And the warrant.

GIBBS: DiNozzo, David, take a ride.

TONY: You got it, Boss.

GIBBS: Put a BOLO out on Kirby with the FBI, local and state.

MCGEE: Already done, Boss.

ZIVA: Bolo?

TONY: Be on the look out.

GIBBS: Good job, McGee. Go on. Catch up to them.

TONY: Good job, McGee.(SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN)

ZIVA: Is he always this juvenile?

MCGEE: Only on days of the week ending with the word day.

CUT TO:

EXT. NCIS PARKING LOT - DAY

ZIVA: I'll drive, Tony.

TONY: No no no no. Not gonna make that mistake again.

ZIVA: Did you really think my driving was that terrible? Aside from the high speed and near misses.

TONY: Let's just say it's an acquired taste, like regurgitated lunch.

MCGEE: That's disgusting, DiNozzo.

TONY: Tell me about it, Probie. That chili cheese dog was hard to chew the second time around.

MCGEE: Maybe we should give her another chance. It's not like she k*lled or maimed anyone.

TONY: Maybe we should concentrate on why John Kirby switched places with Seaman Smith at Norfolk and leave Death Wish for another day.

ZIVA: He could very well be an assassin.

TONY: He works in a supply office. Who's he going to assassinate? Mister Clean?

ZIVA: All the better not to draw attention to himself.

MCGEE: She's right. It's a big base. Lot of targets.

TONY: I don't know. Look at the guy. He's such a...

ZIVA: Pimp.

TONY AND MCGEE: (IN UNISON) Wimp.

ZIVA: Very much in line with other assassins.

MCGEE: She's right, Tony. Look at Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan.

(ALL CLIMB INTO THE CAR)

TONY: That's original, McGee. Is there any part of your brain that's your own?

MCGEE: At least I have one, Tony.

TONY: What's that supposed to mean?

MCGEE: Nothing.

TONY: We're not going anywhere.

MCGEE: What, until I apologize?

TONY: No, not until you apologize. We're in the wrong damn car.
CUT TO:

INT. GARAGE - DAY

GIBBS: What'd you find, Abs?

ABBY: After the car crashed through the railing, it went end over end for about a hundred feet, before finally slamming to a stop up against a boulder which crushed the driver's side door into his body, which led to a lot of blood. I also found these in the trunk; three identical sets of Hawaiian shirts and khaki pants.

GIBBS: Correction. Did you find anything useful?

ABBY: Maybe. But it's probably nothing.

GIBBS: Do not make me say a magic word now, Abs.

ABBY: Of course not. But it is a cool idea. It's in the blood patterns. The residual splatter from where the blood struck is there. Exit wound splatter is there. Dropping suddenly from the angle of the impact.

GIBBS: Normal when they pass through flesh.

ABBY: Very good, Gibbs! But that would be the case of a Senior Lead Special Agent who's worked hundreds of crime-scene investigations throughout his storied career.

GIBBS: I'd hate to start smacking you like I do DiNozzo.

ABBY: You wouldn't. You would?

GIBBS: It won't be on the head.

ABBY: The blood here is darker, and the pattern is random.

GIBBS: Skip to the probably nothing part, will you?

ABBY: The trail of splattering is wider than you'd expect. And the blood is smeared somewhat here... like something brushed up against it.

GIBBS: What?

ABBY: I have absolutely no idea. That would be the probably nothing part. But I haven't analyzed it in my computer yet.

GIBBS: Do it.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED)

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

TONY: Oh, I love Hawaiian shirts.

ZIVA: I'm not surprised.

TONY: It's a cultural experience you couldn't appreciate. Isn't that right, Probie?

MCGEE: I wouldn't be caught dead in one.

TONY: (GASPS) It can't be!! Do you realize what we have here?

ZIVA: Another ugly shirt?

TONY: It's an authentic Magnum, P.I. Jungle Bird design. Hundred percent cotton, bamboo buttons, Made in Hawaii label! Come on, this is the Holy Grail of Aloha garments.

MCGEE: That's great.

TONY: Eight seasons Magnum wore this shirt. Putting up with Higgins and those stupid dogs. Zeus! Apollo! The TV show was big in the Eighties.

ZIVA: I know who Tom Selleck is, Tony. The hot, sexy American man of adventure.

TONY: He was ...he was good, sure. But take away the shirt, the mustache, Detroit Tigers hat, Ferrari, the Audi, wine cellar, Robin Masters' estate, Rick, T.C. and the helicopter.

MCGEE: Well, it looks like Kirby has not checked his email or even turned on his computer since yesterday.

ZIVA: Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite.

TONY: Hike. The expression is taking a hike.

MCGEE: She may have had it confused with "go fly a kite."

ZIVA: I speak five languages, forgive me if I get confused sometimes. I found his bank book.

TONY: Check book.

ZIVA: Whatever you call it. His deposits seem high.

TONY: Where you come from, they may seem high but here in the good ol' U.S. of A - these are really, really high.

(SFX: BANGING NOISE)

ZIVA: I think it's the...

TONY: Shh...

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/THEY WALK TO THE KITCHEN)

(SFX: CUPBOARD OPENS)

(SFX: MARMOSET SHRIEKS)

TONY: It's a...

ZIVA: It's a marmoset.

MCGEE: Actually, that's a capuchin.

ZIVA: I don't advise sh**ting him. Americans and their pets. It will be a public relations nightmare.

TONY: You knew all about this, didn't you?

ZIVA: I tried to tell you, but you shushed me.

TONY: Well next time try harder.

ZIVA: His name is Max.

MCGEE: Oh, ad a Snapple cap that said that the most popular name for a pet in the United States is Max.

TONY: That's funny, I thought it was Tim.

CUT TO:

INT. HOUSE - DAY

GIBBS: We know that your husband and John Kirby served together. And we also know that they switched places. It's a Federal crime to impersonate m*llitary personnel.

GIBBS: (CONT.) Which means that withholding any information is a chargeable offense. So what do you know, Mrs. Smith?

WENDY: I lied before. I saw the other man once.

GIBBS: When?

WENDY: Um... right after we moved here from Hawaii. I came home early from yoga. I wasn't feeling well. He was with Jerry in the den. Jerry was upset. It was clear I'd interrupted them. When he left, he said I should forget I ever saw him, and never tell anyone. Do you think he's the one who k*lled my husband?

CUT TO:

INT. LAB - DAY

MCGEE: Kirby was getting emails from an anonymous internet account several times a week. Each one was just a time and a location.

ABBY: The times were random all throughout the day and the locations were business and residential addresses all throughout Norfolk.

TONY: How long have they been coming in?

ABBY: About four months.

TONY: Same time Kirby's been posing as Smith.

MCGEE: You think Kirby was doing Smith's job, while Smith was doing Kirby's?

ZIVA: I've seen communications like this before.

GIBBS: So have I.

ZIVA: Many intelligence agencies use this technique for arranging a drop-off. I believe you refer to them as goblins.

TONY: Spooks. The term is spooks.

ABBY: According to this there's a drop scheduled for this afternoon, Gibbs.

GIBBS: Where and when, Abs?

ABBY: Granby and Harbor, southeast corner, fourteen hundred.

GIBBS: One of you is going to have to pose as Kirby.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

TONY: Nah, that really doesn't work for him.

MCGEE: Boss, for once I've got to agree with Tony here. I don't think I'm a Hawaiian shirt type.

GIBBS: You're the closest we've got to age and looks to Smith and Kirby, McGee.

ZIVA: Which won't matter if whoever he's meeting with knows their faces.

GIBBS: No, it won't. But if it doesn't, we just might get something. Which is more than we have now. DiNozzo, you and Ziva will be here mobile on Granby, as far down as you can be while maintaining visual contact. I'll be over here on Harbor. McGee, we do not know what we have here. So go with the flow. If it gets hinky, call it.

ZIVA: Hinky? What's hinky?

TONY: You know, like when your gut is telling you something?

ZIVA: Oh, I see. In my country we refer to that as gas.

CUT TO:

EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY

GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) You got a visual, DiNozzo?

TONY: Affirmative, Boss. Suck that gut in, Probie.

MCGEE: Guy with the briefcase.

GIBBS: I got him, McGee.

ZIVA: The logistics for the drop may only start here, McGee. Look for any sign.

MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Like what?

ZIVA: (V.O.) A hand gesture, the angle he holds his briefcase.

MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) It's nothing, Boss.

(SFX: TRUCK BREAKS TO A STOP)

TONY: Lost the visual.

GIBBS: Same here, DiNozzo. Move up the block.

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAMERA ANGLES ON THE STREET)

YOUNG WOMAN: There's a park bench across the street from the Baltimore Museum of Art. (V.O./FILTERED) Leave it underneath.

ZIVA: Girl with the back.

GIBBS: Wait McGee, (V.O./FILTERED) for her to make the move.

YOUNG WOMAN: Don't be late.

MCGEE: Right.

(SMITH WALKS AROUND THE CORNER/MCGEE AND YOUNG WOMAN STRUGGLE OVER THE BRIEFCASE)

TONY: Kirby, my nine o'clock, Boss!

GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) I got him! Get the girl! (ON CAMERA) Go! Go! (V.O./FILTERED) Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

(MUSIC OVER ACTION//GIBBS AND TONY CHASE KIRBY/WOMAN DRIVES AWAY ON A SCOOTER)

TONY: We lost her.

ZIVA: More like she lost us.

(FADE OUT)

FADE IN:

INT. LAB - DAY

ABBY: There are three wheels, numbered zero through nine each. That's a thousand possibilities.

GIBBS: Then your fingers better get busy.

ABBY: Wait, there's more. The seams are filled with something that looks like an epoxy material. It may be for waterproofing.

GIBBS: Or to hold expl*sive components in place until they're exploded.

ABBY: Bada-boom.

GIBBS: X-rays.

ABBY: Didn't penetrate. The metal's high density steel, probably with a thin layer of lead sheeting. The nitrate sniffer came up negative as well.

GIBBS: That's because of the epoxy.

ABBY: Probably. Gibbs, it might not be rigged with a b*mb, per se. I love saying per se. It's one of those phrases nobody really knows what it means but you say it anyway. Am I off topic again?

GIBBS: Big time.

ABBY: Um... it could be armed with something like formic acid in a glass liner.

GIBBS: Destroy the contents if opened incorrectly.

ABBY: There's also the possibility it could be nothing. It's just a whole lot of bluff to scare anyone from taking a peek inside.

GIBBS: Do we have a bottom line here, Abs?

ABBY: We do. Do you want to hear it?

GIBBS: Yes.

ABBY: The b*mb squad is coming to pick this up. They're going to do their thing and then I will get to the bottom of this, Gibbs. But...

GIBBS: It's going to take time.

ABBY: See? We are having a melding of the minds.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

TONY: It was called The Transporter.

MCGEE: Didn't see it.

TONY: Cool British guy delivers illegal stuff for a price. Obviously what Smith was doing. Then what Kirby was doing. Then what you were doing, Probie. Only badly.

MCGEE: Yeah, I got the case, didn't I?

TONY: You're missing the point.

MCGEE: How could there possibly be a point?

ZIVA: I think what Agent DiNozzo means is that the Transporter would have gotten the case, gotten the girl, and still have held on to his cappuccino.

TONY: Exactly. Speaking of movies, you know what I was thinking about, Probie?

MCGEE: Really not interested, Tony.

TONY: Mister and Mrs. Smith. Identity mystery. Then there's our Smith. Identity mystery. And if it turns out the guy charging p*rn and tractors on your credit card is a Smith, then that would be a mystery.

MCGEE: (OVERLAP) Uh.. Tony?

TONY: Not now, Probie. I'm almost done with this level. (b*at) Find out what was in the case yet, Boss?

ZIVA: Are you going to interrogate Kirby now?

GIBBS: No.

ZIVA: That is a mistake. The longer we wait, the more time he has to--

GIBBS: I am going to be interrogating Kirby. You and DiNozzo will be observing.

(GIBBS WALKS O.S.)

ZIVA: It takes a while for him to warm up to people, doesn't it?

TONY: Want to know the secret about getting on his good side?

ZIVA: Of course.

TONY: Me, too.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

KIRBY: I didn't k*ll Jerry.

CUT TO:

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

GIBBS: (FILTERED) I know. We checked.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

GIBBS: You were on base when it happened.

KIRBY: So... can I go now?

GIBBS: Impersonating a Petty Officer. That's a felony. Lying during a Federal investigation. Felony. Resisting arrest. That's a misdemeanor. Not to mention what we have in that case downstairs.

KIRBY: You looked in the case? Look, I was only trying to help. I swear to you.

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

KIRBY: It wasn't even my idea.

ZIVA: I doubt this has anything to do with espionage, Tony. Kirby's far too stupid for this line of work.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

GIBBS: Why did you two switch places?

KIRBY: Because Jerry... he couldn't keep it in his damn pants.

CUT TO:

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

ZIVA: Keep what in his pants?

TONY: You're kidding, right? Come on.

(SFX: TONY SINGS/DANCES)

ZIVA: Dancing?

TONY: Yeah, dancing.

GIBBS: (V.O.) What happened?

CUT TO:

INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

KIRBY: He'd been fooling around with this officer's wife over at Pearl. One night the Officer came home early and caught him in the act. He got a good look at Jerry's face, but he didn't recognize him.

CUT TO:

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

KIRBY: (FILTERED) Jerry wasn't worried.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

KIRBY: He knew he was shipping out the next week, and they'd never met before. That was the good news.

GIBBS: Until he got the bad news.

KIRBY: The husband was going to be his C.O. in Norfolk.

GIBBS: Commander Morris.

CUT TO:

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

KIRBY: (FILTERED) Yes, Sir. Jerry only had four months left to an honorable discharge.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

KIRBY: Morris would have made sure that didn't happen.

GIBBS: Who else knew about it?

KIRBY: No one. That's why Jerry begged me to switch places with him. Except I couldn't leave my job.

GIBBS: Delivering illegal goods.

KIRBY: Wait. I mean, I didn't even know what was in the cases. I was strictly transportation.

GIBBS: Hey Kirby, they weren't exactly using FedEx.

KIRBY: It was stupid, I know.

GIBBS: (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

CUT TO:

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

KIRBY: But the money was really good.

CUT TO:

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

KIRBY: Life since the Navy is kind of hard on me.

GIBBS: You never looked inside?

KIRBY: No. There were only two rules. Be on time and don't look in the cases. Jerry... I guess he looked.

GIBBS: Then they k*lled him for it.

KIRBY: I think... I think I want to get a lawyer now.

GIBBS: Oh, yeah. You're going to need one.

CUT TO:

INT. LAB - DAY

ABBY: Remember that smeared area that I thought was probably nothing? Well, it probably might not be probably nothing.

GIBBS: I'm not saying a magic word, Abs.

ABBY: Okay, this is the windshield of the vehicle. See the smeared marks? There's four of them. And they connect together. Now, step back and squint.

GIBBS: At what?

ABBY: Just do it, Gibbs, like when you're trying to figure out the hidden message in the bad three-D art at the fair. This is important. Try to see the bigger picture for once! (b*at) See it?

GIBBS: Maybe an "M".

ABBY: Yes, Gibbs, yes. Those smears were smeared on purpose. Now, these are the photographs of Petty Officer Smith's body before it was washed. He has blood on his right index finger. There were no lacerations on that hand.

GIBBS: Petty Officer Smith used his finger to write a message in his own blood.

ABBY: Sometimes people in the throes of death try to communicate. Like that guy in the L.A. MetroRail crash? He wrote "I love you" to his wife in his own blood.

GIBBS: He did?

ABBY: He did. But Petty Officer Smith is trying to tell us who k*lled him. What does "M" mean?

TONY: (V.O.) Commander Morris.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE - DAY

MORRIS: How could you think that I had anything to do with his m*rder?

TONY: Because you found out he was the sailor sleeping with your wife at Pearl.

ZIVA: Yes, Commander, at Pearl Harbor.

MORRIS: That was Smith? If I had known who he was I would have k*lled him myself. But I didn't. I was here that morning. There's a dozen witnesses who will vouch for that.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

ZIVA: Surveillance camera at the main gate has Commander Morris coming on base an hour before Smith's time of death.

GIBBS: Leeway time of death?

TONY: Ducky says fifteen, maybe twenty minutes.

GIBBS: Drive time to the crime scene?

TONY: Thirty minutes. Fifteen if you're driving.

ZIVA: Seven sailors in his office all verify he was in the supply unit until we showed up.

GIBBS: Where in the supply unit?

ZIVA: Mostly in his private office, behind closed doors.

GIBBS: Was there another exit? Could he have left unseen through a window?

TONY: Windows don't open, Boss. Solid plate glass.

MCGEE: Commander Morris couldn't have been at the crime scene.

GIBBS: I know that, McGee.

TONY: He knows that, McGee!

ZIVA: His m*rder has to be related to the delivery service.

TONY: Which we know nothing about.

MCGEE: Kirby claims he didn't even know who he was working for.

GIBBS: Was Petty Officer Smith wearing his seatbelt when he crashed? (LOUDLY) Was Petty Officer Smith wearing a seatbelt?!

ALL: No! He wasn't wearing a seatbelt in the crash!

GIBBS: He was in an unnaturally contorted position!

MCGEE: Yes. Very... very unusual. I can flip the image... only if you want.

ZIVA: "W."

TONY: What was the wife's name again?

ZIVA: It's Wendy.

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

GIBBS: You discovered your husband was cheating on you, Wendy.

WENDY: I don't know what you're talking about.

ZIVA: Must have been a real shock. You were so much in love with him.

GIBBS: The one decent man you've ever met... wasn't really decent at all, was he?

WENDY: That's not true.

GIBBS: He called you on the way to work. You weren't home, were you?

WENDY: I was! He called me at home.

ZIVA: Phone records show you forwarded your home phone to your cell.

GIBBS: He had no idea you followed him, Wendy.

ZIVA: He only worked a couple of days a week. I wonder what he did with all the rest of that free time?

WENDY: (LONG b*at) Did you know he cheated on me on our wedding day? Our wedding day.

SMITH: (V.O.) Honey! Honey, it's our anniversary!

(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE OF THE sh**ting)

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Great, thank you. (TO TONY) Well, that takes care of them all. Visa, MasterCard, AmEx, Diners. Old cards cancelled, new ones reissued and it only took me two hundred phone calls.

TONY: You know what I find really interesting?

MCGEE: What?

TONY: That you actually have Diners.

MCGEE: What's wrong with that?

TONY: Nothing. It's just I've never met anyone who used Diners club who wasn't wearing Depends.

MCGEE: It's a very hip piece of plastic, Tony.

TONY: Yes, in the year nineteen twenty seven.

ABBY: Good news and bad news, Gibbs. The good news is I'm still cute. Bad news... the b*mb squad got a little trigger happy.

GIBBS: They blew up the metal box?

ABBY: Do you have any idea what's beyond smithereens?

GIBBS: Not a clue.

ABBY: Me neither. That's what we've got. There's not much I can do.

GIBBS: Nope. Except put it back together.

ABBY: Gibbs! It's in like a jillion pieces! That would take months!

ZIVA: It's the only link we have to that delivery service, Abby.

ABBY: Yeah? Well you're not the one that has to put it back together, Officer David.

(ABBY WALKS O.S.)

ZIVA: She doesn't like me, does she?

GIBBS: Eh...

CUT TO:

INT. ELEVATOR - DAY

(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED)

(ZIVA WALKS INTO THE ELEVATOR)

ABBY: Are you going home?

ZIVA: Not yet. I thought I might be able to help you with ... that.

ABBY: Do you have a degree in forensic science?

ZIVA: No. But I'm very good at jigsaw puzzles.

ABBY: We'll see.

(MUSIC OUT)

(ENDING CREDITS UP AND OUT)