04x15 - Friends & Lovers

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "NCIS". Aired: September 2003 to present.*
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The cases of the Naval Criminal Investigative Service.
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04x15 - Friends & Lovers

Post by bunniefuu »

FADE IN:

INT. ABANDONED RESTAURANT

MARY: When you said we had reservations, David, I was picturing something a little more... upscale?

DAVID: You don't recognize it.

MARY: Should I?

DAVID: Think back!

MARY: Um...

DAVID: I cannot believe you forgot!

MARY: Oh, my god. This is where your grandmother choked to death on veal!

DAVID: No! Okay, picture this. A small water fountain right there. We sat right here. (b*at) You do remember!

MARY: That we met here? Oh, I remember. I also remember it was over ten years ago, David.

DAVID: Yeah, I guess that's kind of a long time to date.

MARY: (CHUCKLES) Four's long. Twelve?

DAVID: Pathetic, I know. I should have done this a long time ago. So... Mary Elizabeth Donahue, will you (STAMMERS) w-w-w...

MARY: You can do it, baby! It's only four simple words.

(SFX: DAVID STAMMERS)

(SFX: MARY SCREAMS)

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/MARY RUNS FROM THE RESTAURANT)

(FADE TO BLACK)

FADE IN:

INT. GARAGE - DAY

"FRIENDS & LOVERS"

ZIVA: (V.O.) Every Kn*fe has its own individual balance. The trick is to find it. (ON CAMERA) When you do... you get this. Any questions?

(SFX: ZIVA THROWS A Kn*fe)

MCGEE: Gibbs really approved this?

ZIVA: Yes, McGee. Why do you keep on asking that?

MCGEE: Well, because they give us Sigs for a reason.

ZIVA: In Mossad we have a saying: knives don't run out of b*ll*ts. Now any questions pertaining this particular class?

TONY: Yeah, I've got one for you. Did you ever k*ll anyone with a spoon?

ZIVA: No. I am seriously considering it. All right, grab your knives. So, you come right past your ear. Once your arm is fully extended, you release. Tony!(SFX: ZIVA THROWS A Kn*fe)

TONY: All right, watch and learn, Probi-sans. Five summers at Camp Poke-a-quatic. I'm also a pretty mean clogger. That doesn't leave this room.(SFX: TONY THROWS A Kn*fe)

ZIVA: Nobody cares that you spent your summers prancing around in little wooden shoes.

(SFX: TONY BANGS ON THE COUNTER)

TONY: The term is dancing.

ZIVA: McGee.

(SFX: MCGEE THROWS A Kn*fe/ CLAMMERS TO THE FLOOR)

TONY: (CHUCKLES) Math camp?

MCGEE: Chess. But at least I didn't wear man-clogs.

ZIVA: (LAUGHS) Lee.

LEE: Okay. Right by my ear.

(SFX: LEE THROWS A Kn*fe BACKWARDS)

ZIVA: I thought you said you grew up around weapons?

LEE: I did. I didn't say my father actually let me touch any of them.

ZIVA: Okay. Uh... it's my fault, Gibbs. I was...

GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Save it! We've got a dead sailor in Georgetown. Grab your gear.

LEE: (TO GIBBS) Thank you.

CUT TO:

INT. ABANDONED RESTAURANT

MORRIS: (V.O.) Pulled his I.D. Found our victim was a sailor. (ON CAMERA) Called you. Couple found him here last night. Supposedly this is where they had their first date. Guy got the keys from the landlord, and wanted to propose.

TONY: Well, nothing says I love you like a rotting corpse in an abandoned crap hole. What did she say?

CARSON: She says she wants this back before he changes his mind.

TONY: Yeesh. And they say romance is dead.

MORRIS: Wallet was found next to the body. No money, no credit cards. Just a m*llitary I.D. and driver's license.

GIBBS: Robbed.

MORRIS: I'd be curious to know how he d*ed, Agent Gibbs.

GIBBS: When I know, Detective Morris, you will know.

MORRIS: I appreciate it.

CARSON: I got the statements we took from the couple in my car.

TONY: All right, you're on sketch details there, Probie. I'll tell you, this is making me nervous.

(PASSAGE OF TIME)

DUCKY: The larval stage of the Musca domestica, a common housefly. A nuisance to most, but invaluable to the trained investigator.

JIMMY: Not to mention a great source of protein. I saw it on Discovery Channel. A documentary on survival training.

DUCKY: Ah, as I was saying, they should prove helpful in determining the time of death. Unless of course, my assistant decides to eat them first.

GIBBS: Temperature and current size, Duck? These eggs could have been laid in his mouth more than a week ago.

DUCKY: Very good, Jethro. It's surprisingly warm in here. I'd estimate he's been dead somewhere between four and five days.

GIBBS: Any idea how?

DUCKY: Many, but with no obvious signs of trauma or injury, that will have to wait until we get him home. Let's get the gurney, Mister Palmer.

GIBBS: McGee, what do you make of this?

MCGEE: The word disgusting comes to mind.

ZIVA: I think he was talking about the card.

MCGEE: Oh, uh... maybe some kind of ticket.

GIBBS: Find out for what. Ziva, photos. McGee, you find any more maggots walking around, you bag 'em. They're evidence.

MCGEE: Ziva, I will give you a hundred dollars to trade with me.

ZIVA: You're afraid of bugs, McGee?

MCGEE: Bugs, no. Uh... wriggling, faceless, blob creatures crawling inside human flesh, yes.

ZIVA: Believe it or not I used to feel the same way.

MCGEE: How'd you get over it?

ZIVA: I found that if you're hungry enough, they actually don't taste that bad.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

ZIVA: (V.O.) Our dead sailor is Petty Officer Evan Davidson. (ON CAMERA) A corpsman stationed at The Basic School at Quantico. Reported UA four days ago.

TONY: Last seen Thursday night at a Georgetown bar. His Marine buds said he hooked up with a girl left before closing. Marines ever leave before closing? I'm going to head down to Quantico and get her description.

GIBBS: McGee, tell me about the card we found on the body. (b*at) Where is he?

ZIVA: Apparently not here. (b*at) I'll find him.

MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:

INT. BATHROOM - DAY

(DOOR OPENS)

ZIVA: Gibbs is looking for you.

MCGEE: Um... Ziva, this is a men's room. You can't be in here.

ZIVA: He wants to know what you found out about the pink ticket. (TO MAN) Hi. (TO MCGEE) Trying to wash the bug germs off, yes?

MCGEE: Will you please leave?

(SFX: TOILET FLUSHES)

(DOOR OPENS)

ZIVA: He didn't wash his hands. Eeugh. You need to learn to face your fears, McGee. I can help you with that.

MCGEE: I do not need help, okay? I just don't like maggots.

ZIVA: Why?

MCGEE: Much like the concept of a men's room. It's personal.

(DOOR OPENS)

MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:

INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY

DUCKY: Have you ever wondered why perfectly healthy individuals suddenly, and occasionally keel over and die, Mister Palmer?

JIMMY: Well, now that you mention it....

DUCKY:

DUCKY: No, no, no, no, no. It's a trick question. They don't. There is always a reason. Now take our Petty Officer, for example.

(CONT.) On the outside he appears young, virile, perfect physical condition. Yet inside we find the liver of a seventy-five year old man. It is swollen, scarred, and well on its way to full-blown cirrhosis.

JIMMY: He's an alcoholic?

DUCKY: Was, Mister Palmer.(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED)

GIBBS: Is that what k*lled him, Duck?

DUCKY: No, but it was certainly a contributing factor. His blood alcohol level was five times the legal limit. I'm surprised he could stand, never mind break into an abandoned restaurant. And his preliminary tox screen also shows traces of ecstasy and other chemicals in his blood. Quite a volatile cocktail.

GIBBS: What kind of other chemicals?

DUCKY: Abby's running them right now. It appears our young man went on a bender on Thursday night, one from which he could not recover.

GIBBS: He O.D.ed?

JIMMY: That would explain the multiple organ failures we found. We won't know more 'til we finish the autopsy.

DUCKY: Very good, Mister Palmer. Anything else you'd care to add?

JIMMY: There's a very good chance that this is an accidental death, Doctor.

GIBBS: Nothing accidental about it, Palmer.

(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED)

DUCKY: People who choose to live their lives this way, have nobody to blame but themselves!

CUT TO:

INT. ABBY'S LAB

ABBY: (V.O.) I hereby accept your challenge. We will meet on the field at dawn. (ON CAMERA) Weapons, caffeine-fueled intellect versus cold silicate-based intelligence. Until then, I bid you a good day, Sir! (b*at) Hi.

ZIVA: Hi. You talk to your mass spectrometer?

ABBY: Yeah, sometimes. Why?

MCGEE: You challenged it to a duel.

ABBY: Well, it spit out a chemical composition that I'm not familiar with. There has to be some sense of decorum around here. I'm running it through the computer now.

MCGEE: Well, Gibbs is more interested in this. Did you find anything yet?

ABBY: When, McGee? If you haven't noticed, I'm the only one here. Which may be why I started talking to my machines in the first place.

MCGEE: Well, Abs, I've got to tell him something.

ABBY: Tell him you love him, McGee. It works for me.

GIBBS: Not all the time.

ABBY: Hi, Gibbs. Just in time. This is the mass-spec on the mystery compounds in Petty Officer Davidson's blood. It's organic and it's definitely what k*lled him. Meet neriin, oleandrin, and oleandroside. (SFX: BEEP TONES)

GIBBS: Friends of yours, Elf Lord?

ABBY: No, Gibbs, they're not characters from Lord of the Rings. They're compounds found in the oleander plant.

ZIVA: What drug is made from that?

ABBY: None. It's pure poison.

MCGEE: Our Petty Officer didn't O.D.

GIBBS: He was m*rder*d.

(MUSIC OUT)

MUSIC IN:

INT. BAR - NIGHT

JEANNE: (INTO PHONE) What language do I have to say it in? You obviously don't understand English. I said no!

TONY: Travis?

TRAVIS: (V.O.) Yeah, Tony?

TONY: Can I get two Belvedere martinis? Straight up. Very dry. Very cold. Twist of lemon.

JEANNE: (INTO PHONE) You are becoming a stalker. No! What else do you want to call it? Over is over. Forever over. No ciao. No we'll meet again because we won't!

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/JEANNE WALKS TO THE BAR)

JEANNE: Hey.

TONY: Hey. Cheers.

JEANNE: Sorry. Santi. Yes, that was him. And no, I won't tell you his name.

TONY: Did I ask?

JEANNE: Your eyes did.

TONY: What are they asking now?

JEANNE: To skip dinner.

TONY: You are amazing. I don't know how you do it.

JEANNE: You always want to skip dinner, Tony.

TONY: Oh.

JEANNE: But not tonight. I'm famished.

TONY: Me, too.

JEANNE: Food first.

TONY: All right. Our reservations aren't 'till eight. How about some oysters to tide us over?

JEANNE: Oh, the last thing you need is an increased libido.

TONY: You don't believe that old wives' tale, do you?

JEANNE: It's true. Oysters are rich in rare amino acids that trigger increased levels of sex hormones.

TONY: Two dozen malpeques, please. We'll be at that table. And more alcohol.

TRAVIS: (V.O.) Yeah. Two more coming up.

TONY: Mademoiselle.

JEANNE: Merci.

TONY: You look incredible.

JEANNE: I'm glad you like it. It's my favorite.

TONY: I wasn't talking about the dress. I meant you, Jeanne.

JEANNE: Thank you.

TONY: What's that?

JEANNE: I'm working Wednesday.

TONY: Wednesday?

JEANNE: Valentine's Day.

TONY: Oh, yeah! Yeah. It comes around fast every year, doesn't it?

JEANNE: Mm-hmm.

TONY: Yeah. Oh. Well, your gift is still at the store because I never bought it. Sorry.

JEANNE: You know how wonderful it is to be with someone who doesn't even lie about the little things? (b*at) Open it.

TONY: Oh, it's not just the box?

JEANNE: No!

TONY: I was going to say it's the nicest box I've ever seen ....

JEANNE: (LAUGHS LIGHTLY) ......

TONY: Oh, come on!

JEANNE: It's more permanent than the last one I tagged you with.

TONY: Uh-huh. This is... this is platinum. It's expensive, Jeanne.

JEANNE: I'm a doctor. I can afford it.

TONY: (READS) Mental ward? Are you trying to tell me something?

JEANNE: It worked last time.

TONY: Yes, it did. I've never had a gift this unique. Or a woman. Thank you.

(SFX: CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

TONY: He doesn't give up, does he?

JEANNE: I'm going to change my number.

TONY: Okay, don't be ridiculous. Let me talk to him. I can...

JEANNE: No! No!

TONY: (OVERLAP) I'll talk a little sense into him.

JEANNE: I don't want you to get involved in my problem. I can handle it.

TONY: If it doesn't go away?

JEANNE: It will. I promise.

TONY: Saved by the mollusk. (TO SERVER) Thanks.

SERVER: Here you go.(SFX: CELL PHONE BEEP)

JEANNE: I changed my mind. Let's skip dinner.

TONY: Okay.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

ZIVA: Shakira. That's who this police sketch reminds me of. Shakira. Yes? You know, the singer? The one who dances like this.

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/ZIVA DANCES)

ZIVA: You're not even listening to me, are you?

TONY: Uh-huh.

ZIVA: Look at this police sketch. The Marines said this woman left the bar with Petty Officer Davidson. She could be the k*ller. (b*at) Hey! (b*at) Where are we going?

TONY: We're not going anywhere.

ZIVA: Who are you taking? McGee?

MORRIS: (V.O.) Agent Gibbs around? (ON CAMERA) I brought him an early Valentine's Day present.

CUT TO:

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM

CARSON: He's a junkie. Hangs out in the area where we found your dead sailor. Morris thinks he saw something.

ZIVA: What do you think, Detective Carson?

CARSON: It's um... it's John. Um... love the accent, by the way. It's Israeli, right?

ZIVA: Not bad. Most people don't recognize it.

CARSON: I took a vacation there a couple years ago.

TONY: (OVERLAP) Back to the question. What makes you think he knows anything, John?

CARSON: Well, um... mostly this, Tony. He had one of your Petty Officer's credit cards on him.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM

(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)

MORRIS: I've got somebody that I want you to meet, Frankie. This is Special Agent Gibbs. Wants to ask you a few questions.

HOLTZ: Look, I didn't do nothing wrong. I mean, I didn't even use the card.

GIBBS: No problem. I just want to know how you got it.

HOLTZ: Oh, I found it, you know, in the street.

GIBBS: Where do you keep your credit cards, Detective Morris?

MORRIS: Oh, like ninety-nine percent of the people on this planet, a wallet. You?

GIBBS: Yeah. Same. Same. You see, we've got a problem here, Frank, because Petty Officer Davidson's wallet was found lying next to his body.

MORRIS: And his body wasn't out in the street.

HOLTZ: Well, you ever stop to think uh... the guy could have dropped it?

MORRIS: Man does raise a valid point.

GIBBS: Mm. Yeah? Yeah, works for me.

HOLTZ: So I can... I can go?

GIBBS: Ah, no. I think we're going to charge you with m*rder instead.

HOLTZ: Wait, I didn't m*rder nobody! Look, he was still breathing...

CUT TO:

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM

TONY: It's almost unfair interrogating junkies.

ZIVA: It's like sh**ting fish in a pond.

CARSON: (CHUCKLES) I um... I think you mean a barrel.

ZIVA: Why would a fish be in a barrel?

CARSON: Um... I um... it's a good point. I never really thought about it before.

ZIVA: Mm-hmm.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM

GIBBS: Frankie, Frankie, Frankie.

HOLTZ: When I found your guy, he was pretty wasted.

GIBBS: Where?

HOLTZ: In an alley behind One Club.

MORRIS: You saw him coming out of there?

HOLTZ: No. No, he was lying over by some dumpsters. Right? So I decided... I decided to keep an eye on him. You know, make sure that... he don't hurt himself.

GIBBS: I think you need to find a new line of work.

MORRIS: He's dead, you retread.

HOLTZ: Well, not when I saw him! I mean, all I did was help him into that restaurant and I just... I just waited for him to pass out.

GIBBS: So you could rob him?

HOLTZ: Well, yeah. But I didn't. I didn't k*ll him.

GIBBS: No. But you just left him there to die.

CUT TO:

INT. ABBY'S LAB

ABBY: (V.O.) This is really starting to vex me, McGee. (ON CAMERA) Normally I love lamination because it collects fingerprints like you collect royalty checks. But this is completely sterile. Are you sure it was in the Petty Officer's pocket?

MCGEE: Yep.

ABBY: Well then how did it get there?

MCGEE: Either he put it in there, or someone else did.

ABBY: Then there would be fingerprints. There would be oil from skin contacts, residue from the environment it's in.

MCGEE: They wiped it down.

ABBY: Why would they go to all that trouble? They could have just taken it! And believe me, they went to all that trouble. Maybe they wanted us to find it.

MCGEE: Which is why ...

ABBY: What's that look like to you? It's on the paper that's under the lamination.

MCGEE: Ink?

ABBY: Possibly. I'm thinking it's a message for us.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

CARSON: One Club's been on our radar for the last year. dr*gs, illegal gambling, prostitution.

ZIVA: Why haven't you breasted them?

TONY: She means busted.

ZIVA: Oh, yes. Yes, busted. Sorry.

MORRIS: It's a private club. We can't get in to get enough evidence for a warrant.

ZIVA: Why not raid it? If they're doing half of what you think they are, you'll find evidence.

MORRIS: Not without a warrant. Last time I damn near lost my badge.

CARSON: Club's lawyers ripped into the department big time. Owner's a smart guy. His name's Scott Pell. Knows how to protect his clients. If you're a member of One Club, you can get away with just about anything. It's not the kind of club you'd expect to find a sailor. You've got to be rich or famous to step through that door.

GIBBS: Yeah, or have something they want. Are you two waiting for an engraved invite?

MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:

INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY

ABBY: On the surface it's a moderately priced Italian knockoff. But on the inside of the heel, a portable pharmacy. Twenty-four tablets of Ecstasy.

MORRIS: Well, that could have gotten him through the door.

GIBBS: That's a good job, Abby.

ABBY: Oh, that was just the warm-up act, Gibbs. The real show is in here with McGee.

CUT TO:

INT. INNER LAB - DAY

MCGEE: Boss, this card was definitely planted at the crime scene.

ABBY: They wanted us to find it.

MORRIS: Well, how do you figure that?

ABBY: Well, the blood stain was intentionally put underneath the lamination.

MCGEE: A human blood stain.

MORRIS: Well, that doesn't prove that it was planted.

MCGEE: They wanted us to take the card out of the plastic.

MORRIS: And who's they?

GIBBS: Stop interrupting and listen.

MCGEE: They being the person or persons who k*lled Petty Officer Davidson.

ABBY: Okay, here's where it gets weird. And when I say weird, I mean like the sick and creepy kind of weird. Not the good weird, because I'm a big fan of that.

GIBBS: Abby.

ABBY: Um... all right. You're going to need these. All right, McGee. Hit the lights! We sprayed the card with luminal to look for more blood splatter. And instead, we found this.

ZIVA: It's written in blood.

TONY: I'd say that's creepy.

GIBBS: Do you think, Dinozzo?

(MUSIC UP AND OUT)

FADE IN:

INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY

DUCKY: Abby analyzed the contents of our Petty Officer's stomach. We now know how the poison was administered. The oleander plant leaves were first reduced to a fine powder, and then ingested. Judging by the absorption rate, it had to be in the form of a liquid.

GIBBS: What's this stuff taste like, Ducky?

DUCKY: Oh, extremely bitter. In order to disguise it, you'd have to use something equally strong, such as...

GIBBS: Booze?

DUCKY: Yeah.

GIBBS: Someone spiked his drink?

DUCKY: Well, considering his blood alcohol level, I'd say more than one.

GIBBS: How many sh*ts of this before you end up like he did?

DUCKY: From that concentration? No more than three or four. Which brings me to the real reason for this visit. The note found on the body ...

GIBBS: Expect more?

DUCKY: Yeah. An average bottle contains twenty-five sh*ts, enough to k*ll seven people. But an entire case?

GIBBS: More than sixty. A few cases, you wipe out the entire night club.

DUCKY: Well, bars and discotheques have been t*rror1st targets overseas. It's only a matter of time before they try it here.

GIBBS: t*rrorists don't leave shiny pink clue cards for us, Duck.

DUCKY: No, they don't. Nor do they leave threats that can only be read in a forensic lab. I believe the k*ller is trying to show us how clever they are.

GIBBS: Expect more. He's planning to do it again.

DUCKY: Or she. Poison has been the w*apon of choice for women for centuries. Except they tend to hide it in food, rather than drink.

GIBBS: That would explain why my last ex-wife spent so much time in the kitchen.

(SFX: DUCKY LAUGHS)

(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED)

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/LEE CLIMBS FROM UNDERNEATH THE GURNEY)

(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED)

(SFX: JIMMY CHUCKLES)

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

TONY: (V.O.) If Petty Officer Davidson was drinking in this neighborhood Thursday night, it had to be here.

MCGEE: It doesn't exactly look like a celebrity hangout.

TONY: That's why celebrities like it, Probie.

MORRIS: Ordinary people don't even know One Club exists.

GIBBS: Dinozzo, find me that woman he was with and McGee, get a warrant.

MCGEE: On it, Boss.

MORRIS: On what grounds?

GIBBS: Dead sailor's good for me.

MORRIS: Metro doesn't look like that.

GIBBS: Then don't.

MORRIS: Too late. We've involved. I need grounds, Agent Gibbs.

GIBBS: Your witness places the victim at the club at the time of his m*rder.

MORRIS: Outside the club. And he wasn't exactly a witness, he let him die so he could rob him.

MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:

INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE

(SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONE)

CYNTHIA: (V.O./FILTERED) Agents Gibbs and Lee to see you, Director.

SHEPARD: Let them in, Cynthia.

(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)

SHEPARD: What's the problem?

GIBBS: Jurisdiction issues with Metro Police.

LEE: They're insisting on a warrant.

GIBBS: And this... legal person won't get me one.

LEE: I've tried, Director. We don't have probable cause. I can't get a judge to sign off on it.

GIBBS: We have a dead sailor. We've got a k*ller leaving us messages in human blood.

LEE: But we need to get a warrant, Sir. Not, Sir. Gibbs. Special... Special Agent Gibbs.

GIBBS: Where did you find her?

SHEPARD: Harvard Law School.

LEE: We need a witness who saw the Petty Officer inside of the club.

GIBBS: We've got one!

SHEPARD: Is there a witness?

GIBBS: Yes.

LEE: Metro Detective Morris informs me that he's a drug addict that no judge would find reliable, Director.

GIBBS: Who's running this agency? Metro Police?

SHEPARD: You know damn well who.

LEE: Find me a witness and I will get you that warrant, Sir - Special... Agent... Gibbs.

(GIBBS WALKS O.S.)

(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)

SHEPARD: Don't take it personally, Michelle.

LEE: He's right, Director.

SHEPARD: He usually is. That's what makes him so damn irritating.

MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:

INT. NURSES' STATION - DAY

JEANNE: Thanks.

TONY: Excuse me, I need a prescription for this burning sensation in my loins.

JEANNE: Are you trying to outspend me? A Bermuda weekend. What could be a more perfect Valentine?

TONY: A weekend in the Bahamas? (b*at) It's interesting, though. He and I must be a lot alike.

(JEANNE TEARS THE TICKET INTO PIECES)

JEANNE: You are... you are night and day.

TONY: How does that work, exactly? Am I day and he's night, or you switch us out?

JEANNE: That was totally uncalled for, Tony!

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - DAY

(DOOR OPENS)

JEANNE: That was totally uncalled for.

TONY: Was it, Jeanne? He still calls. Plans a Valentine's weekend in Bermuda with you. I'd say that's not a man who understands it's over.

JEANNE: It's over ... for me.

TONY: I'm not so sure. If you can't sell him, and you won't let me handle it....maybe it's not over for you.

JEANNE: Don't do this, Tony.

TONY: Okay, what if I had an ex-girlfriend who was always calling me and planning little romantic getaways for the two of us? How would you feel?

JEANNE: I wouldn't like it.

TONY: Well...

JEANNE: But I would trust you to handle it.

TONY: And if I didn't handle it?

JEANNE: Then it would be your problem. Just as this is mine.

TONY: Exactly. Wrong. This is our problem, Jeanne.

(TONY WALKS O.S.)

(DOOR OPENS)

MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

(ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE)

MORRIS: We need to talk, Gibbs.

(GIBBS AND MORRIS WALK INTO THE ELEVATOR)

CARSON: Should we call the paramedics?

ZIVA: No need. If they fight, it will be to the death.
CUT TO:

INT. ELEVATOR - DAY

(SFX: ELEVATOR STOPS)

GIBBS: Talk.

MORRIS: I used to be like you, Gibbs.

GIBBS: You were never like me.

MORRIS:

MORRIS: I got the dirtbags any way I could. Let the lawyers sweat the paperwork. About a year ago I went into a hole down on Eighth. The bastard in there was a bad-ass.

(CONT.) r*pist. Pedophile. Scum you gotta take off the street to get sleep at night. I didn't have a warrant or a probable cause. But I knew. Here. So I took him down. Hard.

GIBBS: Is that it, or should I get a refill?

MORRIS: His lawyer said it was a bad bust. No warrant. Judge agreed. Bad-ass walked. A month later... he r*ped and strangled a six year old girl. I'm never going to make that mistake again.

GIBBS: Not getting a warrant, or not k*lling the bastard?

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

TONY: Boss using the elevator as an office again? I had to take the stairs. All right, looky what I found. The Marines gave a pretty good description of Davidson's last date. Lisa Delgado. Age twenty-three.

CARSON: Where'd you find her?

TONY: There's only two parking lots within ... stumbling distance of the club.

ZIVA: So you showed the police sketch to parking attendants?

TONY: Yeah. And they I.D.'d her. She's a regular at the One Club. Arrives alone, and usually leaves with a Porsche, or a Ferrari, or a Mercedes SLR.

CARSON: Good thinking, Dinozzo.

GIBBS: Did you think to pick her up?

TONY: Ah, I did. Roommate hasn't seen her since Thursday. Not unusual. She can be gone for days. She is, after all, in the escort business.

MORRIS: The club owner, Pell, lets some of the escorts stay overnight.

ZIVA: So she could be there now.

GIBBS: If she is we'll be there when she comes out.

MORRIS: And if she's not?

GIBBS: We'll be there when she goes in.

MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:

INT. SURVEILLANCE VAN - DAY

CARSON: That uh... that Feb's?

TONY: Pro cheerleaders in the off season.

CARSON: Yeah, buddy in vice told me one of them's a man.

TONY: No.

CARSON: Mm-hmm.

TONY: Well, I probably shouldn't be looking at it anyway. I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea of a monogamous relationship.

CARSON: That takes serious retraining.

TONY: Tell me about it.

CARSON: Ah....you're not in love, are you?

TONY: Could be.

CARSON: Could be, my friend, isn't love.

TONY: Isn't love. I know. I know. It's complicated, John.

CARSON: Aren't they all?

TONY: No, usually they're pretty simple. Fall in love, three weeks later, fall out of love.

CARSON: That's been my life! Except for once. I got engaged.

TONY: What happened?

CARSON: What do you think? I screwed it up. I um... slept with her best friend.

TONY: Oh. (CHUCKLES) That's not nice, John.

CARSON: Yeah, I know. She was the one, too. Smart, beautiful, funny. The whole marriage package. Oh, well. I'll always have April two thousand five to keep me company.

TONY: Hooter Girls of D.C.

CARSON: Yeah, collector's edition.

TONY: Yeah. (b*at) Baby steps.

CUT TO:

INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY

ABBY: (V.O.) This is really weird.

ZIVA: I would agree. What exactly is this?

ABBY: It's a chick-e-baby. My friend makes them.

ZIVA: Why?

ABBY: For Valentine's Day.

ZIVA: I think I may be confusing this holiday with another.

GIBBS: What do you got, Abs?

ABBY: Oh, I'm not sure, yet. I got a partial match on the blood the k*ller used to write his calling card.

GIBBS: Who is he?

ABBY: He's a she.

ZIVA: Our Petty Officer's m*rder*r is a woman.

ABBY: I don't think so.

ZIVA: You don't think a woman can k*ll and leave a calling card?

ABBY: Not this one. She was m*rder*d two months ago.

(MUSIC UP AND OUT)

FADE IN:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

MORRIS: Sandra Thompson. Age twenty-four. Arrested seven times for prostitution. Found m*rder*d in Canal Park. December twenty-fourth.

ABBY: Ah, Christmas Eve. Sad.

MORRIS: No day is a good day to be stabbed twenty-two times, Ms. Sciuto.

ZIVA: At least she didn't feel anything. All the wounds were post-mortem.

MCGEE: What k*lled her?

MORRIS: She O.D.'d on something called neriin.

ABBY: Neriin. An oleandroside. That's the same thing that k*lled the Petty Officer.

GIBBS: That would have been nice to know two days ago, Detective.

MORRIS: Hey, don't bite my ass. This isn't my case.

GIBBS: Did you ask whoever's case it was if they found a pink card on the body?

MORRIS: I did. They didn't. The only clue here is a bloody shoe print.

GIBBS: Is there a photo in the file?

MORRIS: It is the case file, Gibbs.

GIBBS: McGee.

MCGEE: Excuse me, Detective.

(SFX: KEYBOARDING)

GIBBS: All that blood, and just one print?

MORRIS: It was his only mistake.

GIBBS: McGee.

(SFX: KEYBOARDING)

GIBBS: It wasn't a mistake.

CUT TO:

INT. DOCTOR'S LOUNGE

JEANNE: (INTO PHONE) You're right, Tony. Maybe it wasn't over for me.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)

(SCENE CUT)

JEANNE: (V.O./FILTERED) If it was, I would have told him about you.

TONY: (INTO PHONE) He doesn't know?

(SCENE CUT)

JEANNE: (INTO PHONE) He does now.

(SCENE CUT)

TONY: (INTO PHONE) Why didn't you tell him?

JEANNE: (V.O./FILTERED) I didn't want to answer all these stupid questions that...

(SCENE CUT)

JEANNE: (INTO PHONE) ...men ask when it's over and they know there's another man in your life.

(SCENE CUT)

TONY: (INTO PHONE) Like uh... is he better looking than me? Or is he better in bed?

JEANNE: (V.O./FILTERED) Exactly like that.

TONY: (INTO PHONE) Is he?

(SCENE CUT)

TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) That was a joke. Sort of.

JEANNE: (INTO PHONE) You're better in almost all categories...

(SCENE CUT)

JEANNE: (V.O./FILTERED) Tony.

TONY: (INTO PHONE) Almost?

JEANNE: (V.O./FILTERED) That was a joke. Sort of.

(SCENE CUT)

JEANNE: (INTO PHONE) I've got to go. I love you, Tony.

(SCENE CUT)

TONY: (INTO PHONE) I love you too, Jeanne.

(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)

CARSON: Well, I know that look.

TONY: What look?

CARSON: That cold feet look. You asked her to marry you, and now you wonder if your life is over.

TONY: I didn't ask her to marry me.

CARSON: Are you gonna?

TONY: Well, I can't live a lie.

CARSON: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

TONY: (LAUGHS) I don't want to end up like you.

CARSON: Oh, hell. That's easy.

TONY: Don't sleep with her best friend?

CARSON: Don't drink. (b*at) You think I'd have blown the best thing that ever happened to me if I was sober?

TONY: I'm sorry, John.

CARSON: Oh, don't be. Because of her I quit drinking.

(SFX: FAX MACHINE)

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

(SFX: FAX MACHINE)

GIBBS: Here. Look at the outside edges. Did you ever read MAD Magazine?

ZIVA AND MORRIS: No.

MCGEE: Until my mom found them and b*rned them in the yard.

ABBY: Oh, my god! It's exactly like the back cover of MAD Magazine!

MORRIS: (READS) Dead whore?

GIBBS: The shoe print's not a mistake, J.D. It's a message.

ABBY: Like expect more written on the pink card.

ZIVA: Which was also written in Sandra Thompson's blood.

GIBBS: We're dealing with a serial k*ller.

MORRIS: If it's a serial k*lling, shouldn't your dead sailor be a whore?

CUT TO:

EXT. ONE CLUB - NIGHT

(SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP)

(MUSIC OVER ACTION)

BARROWS: Have a good time.

CUT TO:

INT. SURVEILLANCE VAN - DAY

TONY: Why couldn't you guys get a hot female cop inside?

CARSON: Tried. Got stopped at the door every time. Not hot enough.

TONY: Do you believe that?

CARSON: No. Hate to say it, but I think someone in Metro tips the owner. And there he is at the door.

CUT TO:

EXT. ONE CLUB -

PELL: Any problems, Matt?

BARROWS: None so far, Mister Pell.

PELL: Thought Metro might hit us with another warrant after what happened Thursday night. (INTO PHONE) Yeah?

(SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS)

CUT TO:

INT. SURVEILLANCE VAN - NIGHT

TONY: Hey Boss. What's up?

GIBBS: We're going in.

TONY: You got a warrant?

GIBBS: No. No, we've got somebody rich and famous.

CUT TO:

EXT. ONE CLUB - NIGHT

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/ZIVA/LEE AND MCGEE WALK FROM THE CAR TO THE CLUB)

(SFX: PHOTOGRAPHERS B.G.)

CUT TO:

INT. SURVEILLANCE VAN - NIGHT

TONY: McGeek?

GIBBS: No. A very famous novelist. Thom E. Gemcity.

CARSON: Who?

TONY: Don't ask, John. I'd vomit explaining.

GIBBS: (INTO RADIO) McGee, if Delgado's inside, you get her out quietly.

CUT TO:

EXT. CLUB - NIGHT

MCGEE: How?

CUT TO:

INT. SURVEILLANCE VAN - NIGHT

GIBBS: (INTO RADIO) Well, she's a hooker, Tim. Use your imagination.

CUT TO:

EXT. CLUB - NIGHT

ZIVA: Lee, can you please pretend you want to be here with us?

LEE: I'm trying. Please, I don't know where your Sig is, but I'm having trouble walking.

ABBY: Snuggle up, Lee. It's fun.

BARROWS: Names, please.

MCGEE: Thom E. Gemcity.

BARROWS: I thought I recognized you. Deep Six, right?

MCGEE: That's the one.

BARROWS: I'm a big fan. Go right in.

MCGEE: Thank you.

CUT TO:

INT. SURVEILLANCE VAN - NIGHT

TONY: I gotta write a book.

GIBBS: You should read one first.

CARSON: Hey, woman in the alley. Camera three.

GIBBS: Tighter on her face.(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES)

TONY: It could be Delgado. Right size.

CARSON: That's the best I can do.

GIBBS: Check her out, Tony.

MORRIS: John, you go with him.

CARSON: All right.

CUT TO:

INT. ALLEY - NIGHT

(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)

PELL: I thought we agreed you weren't going to come around here for a few days.

CUT TO:

INT. SURVEILLANCE VAN - NIGHT

MORRIS: That's Delgago.

GIBBS: (INTO RADIO) Tony, that's Delgago in the alley. She's got company! Move! Now! Move!

CUT TO:

EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT

DELGADO: The cops are after me. I've got to get out of town.

PELL: I'm not stopping you.

DELGADO: I need money.

PELL: Why don't you use the thousand dollars that sailor gave you to leave the back door of my club open last Thursday night.

DELGADO: I'll tell them what happened.

PELL: Excuse me?

DELGADO: You forced a spiked drink down his throat and k*lled him!

PELL: Matt caught that guy trying to slip you a roofie. You should be grateful he saw it.

DELGADO: It was no roofie.

PELL: What was it?

DELGADO: I dunno. Whatever it was, that freak was trying to k*ll me.

PELL: I guess that means I saved your life. Come inside. We'll talk about it there.

DELGADO: No! You just... just give me five grand and I'm gone.

PELL: I'll give it to you inside.

DELGADO: I'll never come out of there alive.

PELL: Lisa, you're probably right.

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/PELL att*cks DELGADO)

DELGADO: Forget about the money! I won't say a word! I swear!

PELL: Yeah, you will. The next time a cop picks you over for tricking, Lisa, you'll deal. And I'll be the card.

(F/X: PELL BREAKS DELGADO'S NECK)

TONY: Freeze, Federal agents!!

PELL: Damn cops.

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/g*nf*re)

(F/X: TONY MOVES TOWARD PELL)

CARSON: Did we hit her?

TONY: No, looks like he broke her neck.

(SFX: CARSON FALLS TO THE GROUND)

TONY: John? John!

(SFX: CARSON GASPS)

MORRIS: (INTO RADIO) Officer down! Six-six-one-eight Chillum Road Northwest. (V.O.) You're going to be okay, buddy. Try not to move.(SFX: CARSON GASPING B.G.)

TONY: Hang on. Okay. All right. You're going to be fine.(SFX: CARSON COUGHS)

CARSON: (COUGHING) Liar.

MORRIS: (V.O.) Stay with us, Carson. You've got to stay with us, okay?

(SFX: CARSON GASPS)

(SFX: TONY AND MORRIS BREATHE HEAVILY)

(SFX: SIRENS B.G.)

CUT TO:

INT. ABBY'S LAB - NIGHT

ABBY: I should have caught this, guys.

MCGEE: Metro had the bloody print for two months. They didn't catch him.

ABBY: Yeah, but I had Petty Officer Davidson's boot the whole time.

ZIVA: You thought the Petty Officer was the victim, not the k*ller, Abby.

ABBY: There's no excuse.

MCGEE: (SIGHS) It's ironic, isn't it? Serial k*ller forced to drink his own poison. That could make a good book.

(SFX: ZIVA LAUGHS)

MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:

INT. BENOIT'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/JEANNE READS EMAIL)

EMAIL: I get it now, Jeanne. Won't bug you, again. Goodbye love.

(ON SCREEN) Are you sure you want to delete the file permanently?

(ENDING CREDITS UP AND OUT)

(MUSIC UP OVER ENDING CREDITS AND OUT)
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