MUSIC IN:
EXT. STREET - DAY
(SFX: SIRENS B.G.)
RICK: Let's move! Let's go! Get those BAs up. Pull a cord and a half! Let's get ready to roll! Davis, get those utilities turned off, quickly! Move it!
DAVIS: (MUFFLED) I'm on it, Sir!
RICK: (V.O./MUFFLED) We're in front. You start in back!
FIRE FIGHTER: (V.O./MUFFLED) Come on, Scotty. You're with me. Let's move.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
RICK: (SHOUTS) Fire department! Let's go.
(SFX: DOOR BURSTS OPEN)
CUT TO:
INT. HOUSE - DAY
(SFX: FLAMES B.G.)
(SFX: SMOKE ALARM BEEPING B.G.)
RICK: (V.O./MUFFLED) You two spread out. Clear the bedrooms! I'll take the kitchen!
FIREFIGHTER: (V.O.) We'll cover these down here!(SFX: FIREFIGHTERS VOICES B.G.)
(SFX: RICK BREATHES HEAVILY B.G.)
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
RICK: (V.O./MUFFLED) Every damn time. False alarm, fellas. Just another overcooked bird. Or something. (ON CAMERA) Tough to tell after six hours in the - oh dear.
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. COFFEE HOUSE - DAY
"COVER STORY"
(SFX: ESPRESSO COFFEE MACHINE B.G.)
LANDON: Double Americano for Thom. (b*at) Aren't you Thom?
MCGEE: Yes, thank you. Sorry.
LANDON: You must need that badly. Don't even recognize your own name. Medium mocha coming up.
MCGEE: It's my other name.
LANDON: Two names, huh?
MCGEE: Well, two jobs. It's Thom when I'm writing. Not that I've actually written anything in weeks.
LANDON: Writer's block?
MCGEE: Creative stifling. I am crumbling under the pressure of expectations.
LANDON: Oh, you're Thom E. Gemcity! Your photo's on the back cover! I loved Deep Six.
MCGEE: Thanks... Landon. Thank you.
LANDON: Can't wait to see what happens next.
MCGEE: You and me both. Two weeks until my deadline. I'm stuck here in chapter seven.
LANDON: Well, it could be worse.
MCGEE: How's that?
LANDON: It could be chapter six. Okay, we've got a half caf percent latte and a medium double decaf for Whitney.(SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS)
MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) McGee. Yeah. (TO LANDON) The other job.
LANDON: Good luck.
CUT TO:
INT. HOUSE - DAY
TONY: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, a John Hughes masterpiece. Now there's a guy that didn't have time for writer's block, Probie. Sixteen Candles, Uncle Buck, The Breakfast Club.
MCGEE: I do not have... I'm just struggling to find out the most efficient way to tell my next story.
TONY: Now, do you think Hughes writes on a computer or does he use an old-fashioned typewriter, like you?
MCGEE: Well, I'm sure he uses a computer, Tony. Most writers do.
TONY: Did you ever consider converting?
MCGEE: I don't think that's the reason for my ...
TONY: Were you going to say... writer's block?
MCGEE: I like my typewriter.
TONY: But it doesn't like you. It's a classic tale of unrequited love between a boy and his machine. You can use that if you want. But remember, you've got to have a love story. I can see the poster already.
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
(SFX: CUPBOARD DOOR OPENS)
ZIVA: The house is leased to Petty Officer Darren Cove. No roommates, but according to the neighbors, he is rarely alone.
(DOOR CLOSES)
GIBBS: I can tell. He's got a fridge full of beer. No hard alcohol.
ZIVA: Except for this. Ooh! If smells could k*ll, I think we just found our m*rder w*apon.
GIBBS: I'm more concerned with where they came from.
ZIVA: Neighbors said this was a notorious party house. Maybe someone brought in the mixers.
GIBBS: And they left with them, too.
ZIVA: Seems like a lot of effort for a couple of drinks. Wasted effort.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
MCGEE: (V.O.) The blood starts at the ping-pong table.
TONY: Beer pong.
MCGEE: Huh?
TONY: This is tragic. Don't tell me you've never played beer pong before, Probie? What did you do at MIT?
MCGEE: Studied.
TONY: That figures. Well, beer pong is a drinking game, the object of which is to take the ping pong ball and try to get it into the other team's cups.
MCGEE: (b*at) Show me how it's done.
TONY: This is a crime scene, not a frat house. You hearing voices, Probie?
MCGEE: I figured you saw Gibbs coming.
TONY: I just don't think this is the time or the place to showcase my beer pong skills. (b*at) What?
MCGEE: It seems out of character.
TONY: (LAUGHS) Yeah. Yeah. No, you may not use me to get over your writer's block.
ZIVA: McGee has writer's block?
MCGEE: No, McGee does not.
ZIVA: Just do what you did last time. Write about us.
MCGEE: Okay, I've told you guys a million times. The book is not about you.
TONY: No, of course not. It's about Special Agent Tommy.
ZIVA: And Officer Lisa.
GIBBS: (V.O.) Dinozzo.
TONY: And L.J. Tibbs.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
GIBBS: Get this.
TONY: Looks like McGee wasn't the only writer here today
GIBBS: Bag it.
NOTE: ONE DOWN, TWO TO GO
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
MCGEE: Petty Officer Cove joined the Navy three years ago, right out of high school. His C.O. says he's a little immature, but basically a good kid.
TONY: A good kid with a criminal record. Since enlisting, he's been arrested twice. Both misdemeanors. Public intox in oh-four, and a noise ordinance violation last July.
MCGEE: He works to live, and lives to party. It's his C.O.'s words.
TONY: Guys in his Command call him Darren "Diddy" Cove.
GIBBS: Why?
MCGEE: Uh, it's a reference to Sean "Diddy" Combs.
TONY: The Puff Man. P-Diddy. Rap impresario. Went out with J-Lo. Petty Officer Cove was on duty yesterday.
MCGEE: Left the base at eighteen hundred. Hasn't been seen since.
TONY: And neither has his blue Ford Ranger. It should be in his garage, but it's not.
MCGEE: Which means his attacker took it.
GIBBS: Or Petty Officer Cove went for a drive.
MCGEE: Well, with that amount of blood loss, it's doubtful he was conscious.
GIBBS: If it was all his blood.
TONY: Well, Abby'll tell us, because Cove's blood sample is in his medical records.
ZIVA: (V.O.) Thank you.
MCGEE: I'm going to go check the BOLO, see if he's got a hit on the pickup.
ZIVA: That's not necessary, McGee. Norfolk Police just found it abandoned along Highway Five.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
EXT. RAVINE - DAY
ZIVA: I've noticed oversized dice like these in numerous vehicles. Do they serve a purpose? Hello? Tony?
TONY: What?
ZIVA: Do they serve a purpose?
TONY: Fuzzy dice? Pretty good redneck indicator. Other than that, no. They don't serve a purpose. We've got a lot more blood back here, Boss. Think this was used to cover the body?
GIBBS: Yeah. Or bodies.
(SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Abs. I'm listening.(GIBBS WALKS O.S.)
ZIVA: (LONG b*at) McGee, you look like you've seen a goat.
MCGEE: Huh? Oh, ghost. Seen a ghost. Yeah, do you know what déja vu is?
ZIVA: Bien sur. My French is better than my English.
MCGEE: Right.
ZIVA: So?
MCGEE: What?
ZIVA: The déja vu?
MCGEE: I can't place it.
ZIVA: (LONG b*at) By any chance, did you start dating someone, McGee?
MCGEE: Dating? Please. I spend every spare minute I have writing.
GIBBS: Hang on a second. McGee, get this towed back to lock-up. (INTO PHONE) Yeah. Go on, Abs.
TONY: Abby's got something.
CUT TO:
INT. ABBY'S LAB - NIGHT
TONY: Watch out! It's Halloween at Coyote Ugly. Piper Perabo!
ABBY: Oh, if you liked that one you're going to love this. It's... it's a Sciuto original. I like to call it "Bottoms Up."
ZIVA: Oh! I had no idea you were a bartender, Abby.
ABBY: Well, my Uncle Teddy used to own a bar on Canal Street. And I used to bartend on the weekends.
GIBBS: The case, Abby.
ABBY: Gibbs, you haven't even seen my famous "Fire b*mb!" It can wait. So I tested the blood that was in Petty Officer Cove's house. Most of it was his, but one sample did not match.
ZIVA: It could have been from a prior accident or an altercation at one of his parties.
TONY: Or it could be the k*ller's.
ABBY: I also removed prints from our mystery cocktails. One half of our drinking duo was definitely Petty Officer Cove.
GIBBS: The other half?
ABBY: Well, it's a work in progress, Gibbs.
GIBBS: Tell me you have more to this, Abby.
ABBY: Have I ever let you down? Don't answer that. Um, I'm using my mass spectrometer to break down the molecular structure of the cocktails in question.
TONY: Guessing that's where all these come in.
ABBY: Well, you guess correctly. I think I've made over one hundred delightful beverages trying to find... the match. The weird thing is, this baby isn't in any bartending guide, anywhere. It's made out of Jagermeister...
MCGEE: Cherry soda, vanilla vodka, lemon juice, and a plash of Tabasco. It's called a "Hairy Hangover."
TONY: And you came to know this how, McGee?
MCGEE: I created it. Our missing Petty Officer is a character in my next book.
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
MCGEE: (READING) "Cameron Meyer is a good old boy from Northern Virginia. He was born with not much, raised with even less. All he wants out of life is a good girl and a great truck. As of yesterday, he's halfway there. He dropped his life savings on a blue Ford Ranger."
TONY: That's it?
MCGEE: Tony, it's all here. The fuzzy dice, the cinnamon rolls, red track jacket. Petty Officer Cove is Cameron Meyer.
ZIVA: Uh, but how is that possible, McGee?
MCGEE: My writing isn't entirely fiction, okay? My stories are...sometimes I base my characters on people I...
TONY: Work with?
MCGEE: See. People I see.
GIBBS: You've seen Petty Officer Cove before?
MCGEE: Every morning at my coffee shop.
ZIVA: But how come you didn't recognize his photograph?
MCGEE: He only uses the drive-thru. To me he's just the "large coffee, with the cinnamon roll" guy in a blue pickup truck. I never saw his face.
TONY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Back up. Your coffee shop has a drive-thru? That's... that's not important.
ZIVA: Just because you based your character on a person who is missing does not necessarily mean the two of them are related, McGee.
GIBBS: Yeah, it does. You created the drink.
MCGEE: Made it up about a month ago.
GIBBS: How did two glasses of it get from your head to inside Petty Officer Cove's house?
TONY: Someone's read your book.
GIBBS: Are your papers under lock and key?
MCGEE: Well, I sent my publisher a copy a couple weeks ago, but, you know, I'm sure she...
GIBBS: Address.
MCGEE: (b*at) Um...Boss, there's more. After Deep Six hit stores, my publishing firm received a ton of emails addressed to Thom E. Gemcity.
TONY: Tons?
MCGEE: Most of them were autograph requests, or feedback on the novel. But in the last couple weeks, my publisher says that we've gotten some really weird letters. Borderline obsessive. I didn't say anything because I assumed they were harmless.
GIBBS: Dinozzo, with me. McGee, you stay here with Ziva. Start going through your book.
MCGEE: What exactly am I looking for?
GIBBS: Answers, McGee!
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. CRAWSHAW'S OFFICE - DAY
RYDER: Miss Crawshaw will be with you shortly.
TONY: Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
RYDER: Is there anything else I can get you while you wait?
TONY: Yeah. A barf bag.
RYDER: I'm sorry?
CRAWSHAW: Todd, black tea, lemon, crab salad, arugula. (TO GIBBS) You're Timothy's people.
GIBBS: A few weeks ago, he sent you a draft of his next book.
CRAWSHAW: Partial. It wasn't finished yet.
TONY: Yeah, it still isn't, is it?
GIBBS: How many of your people here have read the book?
CRAWSHAW: Zero. No one in my agency has access to advance material without the writer's consent.
GIBBS: Except you.
CRAWSHAW: Writers are notoriously insecure. Soft, even.
TONY: Well, that doesn't sound like our little Timmy McGee, now, does it?
CRAWSHAW: Whether they ask for it or not, I provide coddling, prodding, protection. Anything it takes to keep those elusive muses singing.... Agent...
GIBBS: Gibbs.
CRAWSHAW: Here you go. Rock Hollow; The Continuing Adventures of L.J. Tibbs. How's this connected with your investigation?
TONY: A person's missing. We believe it's related to the contents of that book.
CRAWSHAW: Oh, I guess I just made myself your prime suspect.
GIBBS: Sounds about right.
CRAWSHAW: I may be the only one in the firm who's read it, Agent Gibbs, but I can guarantee you I'm not the only one in the city.
TONY: McGee hasn't given the book to anyone else, Ms. Crawshaw.
CRAWSHAW: Obsessed fans always find a way to get material early. They dig through trash, hack computers, anything short of writing it themselves. And believe me, Timothy has some of the craziest fans I've ever seen.
GIBBS: Yeah, we know about the letters.
CRAWSHAW: Yeah, there are three that stand out. Todd! Bring me those three...
RYDER: Gemcity letters?
CRAWSHAW: No return addresses. Each one's stranger than the last. I bet the psychopath you're looking for is somewhere in that envelope.
TONY: What makes you think we're looking for a psychopath?
CRAWSHAW: Don't you read crime novels? They are always psychopaths.
CUT TO:
INT. AUTOPSY LAB - DAY
DUCKY: (READING) "I am sending this letter to express my gratitude for the literary gift you've given me. The majesty of your writing is far beyond anything this planet has ever seen."
(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
GIBBS: A rave review.
DUCKY: Rave indeed, Jethro. Yeah. In fact, it's quite possible that Michael is Timothy's greatest admirer.
GIBBS: Admirer or stalker, Duck?
DUCKY: At this point I'd say he is no immediate thr*at to himself or anyone else.
GIBBS: At this point?
DUCKY: Well, one does not become a predatory stalker overnight, Jethro. The mind typically goes through three stages. This letter, strange as it may seem, is only at stage one. The attraction stage.
GIBBS: And the other two?
DUCKY: Well, on the surface, this letter written by Andrew, would appear more normal. But phrases like "I breathe for your words," and "you need me," might suggest...
GIBBS: .... otherwise.
DUCKY: But because of that sense of desperation, I'd categorize that letter as stage two; obsession.
GIBBS: What's stage three?
DUCKY: Well, read for yourself.
GIBBS: (READS) "I know you think of me often, just as I think of you. Please don't make me do something we'll both regret."
DUCKY: Now that letter has an aggressive and threatening tone. For that reason, it falls into the final stage; destruction.
GIBBS: Three letters. Three stages.
DUCKY: I know what you're thinking, Jethro. That it's no coincidence. Although the letters may appear to be very different, the writing style is nearly identical in all three.
GIBBS: The same person wrote all three?
DUCKY: And judging by the postmarks, the letters were written and sent over a period of several weeks, during which time the writer became increasingly delusional.
GIBBS: Motive?
DUCKY: Oh, I can't say for certain. But I say the answers can be found in Timothy's new book. The writer believes that Timothy's fiction is very much real.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY AND ZIVA READ THE SCRIPT)
MCGEE: Tony, about....
TONY: (PAUSE) Done.
MCGEE: So?
TONY: I'm confused.
MCGEE: This isn't a critique, okay? We're trying to find something useful - confused by what?
TONY: The plot, the back story. Pretty much everything. The whole thing doesn't make sense.
MCGEE: Ziva, what about you?
ZIVA: Um... not as confused as Tony.
MCGEE: Well, I haven't finished it yet. It's just a rough draft.
ZIVA: Very rough. I'm sorry, McGee.
TONY: Who's the k*ller anyway?
MCGEE: I don't know yet.
TONY: There's your problem. I mean, you always have to know where your story is going. That's fiction writing one-oh-one.
MCGEE: Not the way I choose to write, Tony.
TONY: And he wonders why he has writer's block.
MCGEE: Can we focus on the problem here? We've got a missing person, and our only lead is my book.
ZIVA: Well, that's not much of a lead.
TONY: She's right. We don't even know how the book factors in.
GIBBS: (V.O.) We do now! (ON CAMERA) The letters were written by the same person. He thinks the book is real.
ZIVA: And believes Petty Officer Cove is a part of it.
GIBBS: It means we're going to have to go everywhere he's been.
MCGEE: Well, we've already done that, though. His home, work, hangout spots.
GIBBS: I'm not talking about Petty Officer Cove. I'm talking about your good-old-boy with the pickup truck, Cameron Meyer.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
EXT. HIGHSIDE CREEK - DAY
ZIVA: High side Creek is where Cameron goes to clear his head.
MCGEE: Well, thematically, this location is very important, Boss.
TONY: You've been saying the same thing all morning, McGee.
GIBBS: Spread out.
TONY: Why would Cameron come to a picnic area to think?
ZIVA: In his book it's not a picnic area, it's his favorite fishing hole.
MCGEE: Thank you, Ziva.
TONY: Don't you think it's kind of a cliché to have your character alone, staring into the serene wilderness?
MCGEE: No. If it was, I wouldn't have written it, Tony.
TONY: I mean, knowing Cameron, if he was bummed out, wouldn't he just go to the Wing Shack with some buddies and toss back a few brews?
ZIVA: Or talk to a priest? Don't forget that he's very religious now that his father d*ed.
TONY: Good point!
MCGEE: No, it isn't. Cameron keeps his emotions bottled up. When he's upset, he comes here. Afterwards, he always feels better.
GIBBS: Not always.
MCGEE: (PAUSE) That's him. That's Petty Officer Cove.
ZIVA: Then who is this?!
MCGEE: (LONG b*at) That's Jerrod Brenner. That's another character from my book.
(MUSIC OUT)
MUSIC IN:
EXT. HIGHSIDE CREEK - DAY
DUCKY: Two bodies, both with nearly identical s*ab wounds in the chest and abdomen. It appears that Petty Officer Cove may have put up a bit of a struggle. Note the remnants of skin tissue and blood under the fingernails. Now, both men have been deceased for less than twenty-four hours.
ZIVA: That is not all they have in common, Ducky.
TONY: They're also both characters in McGeek's next book.
DUCKY: Yes, from what I hear, Timothy, in your next novel, L.J. Tibbs has a love interest. Yes, I hear that it's an Army...
MCGEE: Ducky, I don't think we need to talk about that...
GIBBS: Army what, McGee?
MCGEE: Uh...Lieutenant... Colonel.... Lieutenant Colonel...
GIBBS: We got a m*rder w*apon, Duck?
DUCKY: Yes, well that's where things get interesting, Jethro. Both wounds are circular, about one inch in diameter.
TONY AND ZIVA: (IN UNISON) Javelin.
MCGEE: Chapter Four, my characters Cameron Meyer and Jared Brenner - they m*rder a convenience store clerk to cover up an extortion.
TONY: Javelin. Believe it or not.
DUCKY:
DUCKY: That is for what they were originally intended, Anthony. A javelin is a modern day m*rder w*apon. I applaud your creativity, McGee. Of course, well, given the circumstances... oh, dear.
(CONT.) Now I'm going to have to read his new book.
CUT TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
TONY: Petty Officer Darren Cove and Adrian Corbette - the inspiration behind two of McGee's characters, Cameron Meyer and Jerrod Brenner.
GIBBS: Any other connection?
MCGEE: Not that we've found. Corbett worked as a valet at Alfonso's Steakhouse.
TONY: Your favorite.
MCGEE: That's how I got to know him. For my book, I borrowed his physical details - the nose ring, birthmark on the face and the neck.
GIBBS: Where's his job?
MCGEE: Valet at a steakhouse. But I did change the name of the restaurant.
TONY: From Alphonso's to Alfredo's. You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out.
GIBBS: The note from Petty Officer Cove's apartment.
TONY: "One down, two to go," means the k*ller's not finished.
GIBBS: How many more of your characters did you base on real people? (b*at) Hey! How many?
MCGEE: Just the team. You, Tony, Ziva, everyone. Are you happy, Tony? I finally admitted it. I based both my novels on your guys.
GIBBS: That means we're all potential targets.
MCGEE: Boss, I'm sorry!
GIBBS: Ducky, Abby, Palmer... twenty-four hour security detail until we find this psycho.
ZIVA: Twenty-seven javelins sold in the D.C. area in the past six months. Twenty-one were paid for by credit cards. All by track coaches and athletic directors.
GIBBS: What about the last six?
ZIVA: Cash transactions.
(SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS)
GIBBS: Yeah, Gibbs.
ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) I've got something for you, Gibbs.
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I got it, Abs. We'll be right down. (TO TONY) Go! Go! (TO MCGEE) Not you.
MCGEE: Two men are dead because of me, Boss.
GIBBS: You got a javelin, McGee?
MCGEE: No, but I own a typewriter.
GIBBS: It's a typewriter. Not a shotgun.
MCGEE: It caused two men their lives because I based my fictional book on real people.
GIBBS: Then put these on.
(SFX: HANDCUFFS CLATTER TO THE TABLE)
GIBBS: You just confessed, right?
MCGEE: Not exactly.
GIBBS: There's no mid-ground, McGee. You either put on the cuffs, or you find who's responsible.
MCGEE: How?
GIBBS: This guy's inside your head. You get inside his.
MCGEE: Boss, it's not that simple. I still don't even know what my story is!
GIBBS: You figure it out, McGee! You write the ending to this, or the k*ller will!
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT
ZIVA: Well, McGee feels bad enough.(ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE)
TONY: Only makes it worse that he admitted it.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS SLIDE SHUT)
ZIVA: It was no secret he was writing about us.
TONY: Oh, come on. It's not about us. I mean, the whole part about Lisa and her broken heart?
ZIVA: The memento she keeps from a relationship that never had a chance to happen?
TONY: Yeah. Where's he getting that? Or the scene between Lisa and Tommy where they pour out their hearts to each other and spill their secrets?
ZIVA: (CHUCKLES) When he tries to explain the profound nature of his identity crisis?
TONY: Yeah. I mean, the hidden struggle between who he is and what he's becoming. I don't even know what that is.
ZIVA: Yeah, totally unrealistic.
TONY: Would never happen.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE)
CUT TO:
INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY
(ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
TONY: What do you got, Abs?
ABBY: Three hours sleep. My apartment flooded last night. Did you know that trying to flush voodoo dolls down the toilet is a bad idea?
TONY: I do now.
ABBY: Where's Gibbs?
ZIVA: He's chomping out McGee.
TONY: Chewing.
ABBY: So a little birdie told me that both of you have read the first half of McGee's new book.
TONY: A little birdie, huh?
ABBY: And don't even ask, because I will not reveal my source even if you t*rture me.
ZIVA: Ducky?
ABBY: Yes! All right. Let's hear it.
TONY: Hear what?
ABBY: The book! At the end of Deep Six, Goth Forensic Specialist Amy Sutton, she broke up with her boyfriend because she was dating somebody else. Who's the somebody else?
TONY: Oh, yeah. Um... yeah, that part didn't really come up, yet.
ZIVA: Yeah, I think he's planning on revealing it uh... in, you know, the second part of the book.
ABBY: You guys are so lying! (GASPS) He's gay! Ah, there's somebody else! I had a feeling, 'cause Amy always wants what Amy cannot have. Does she know?
GIBBS: Know what?
ABBY: Forensic Specialist Amy - she fell in love with a gay guy, Gibbs.
GIBBS: Is that why I'm here?
ABBY: No.
GIBBS: Then Amy's on her own.
ABBY:
ABBY: (QUIETLY) We'll talk later. (TO GIBBS) Um, I ran the blood samples that we pulled off the two bodies.
(CONT.) Petty Officer Cove had unidentified blood on his right forearm and hand - matched the blood from his house.
ZIVA: Our k*ller's DNA.
ABBY: I'm no investigator, but odds are you're right.
GIBBS: That's good work, Abs.
ABBY: I also checked Petty Officer Cove's Ford Ranger and Thom E. Gemcity's c-mail for prints.
TONY: C-mail?
ABBY: Yeah, it's like cookoo mail. No, no. I just made it up. Um... nothing on the truck. All the latent prints belonged to Petty Officer Cove. But on the c-mail, there's dozens of different prints.
TONY: Well, that makes sense. 'Cause paper mail gets processed through post offices, delivery trucks, mail rooms.
ABBY: Exactly. There's still one spot that only the sender touches.
ZIVA: The back of the stamp. You pulled a print?
ABBY: Not only did I pull a print, I already got a match. Todd Ryder. Arrested last year for possession of marijuana.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. AUTOPSY LAB - DAY
(SFX: AUTOPSY DRAWERS SLIDE OPEN)
DUCKY: Looking for something, Timothy?(SFX: DRAWERS SLIDE CLOSED)
MCGEE:
MCGEE:
I'm just looking. Petty Officer Cove wasn't just a partier. I... called his elderly parents. He visited them two hours every single day.
(CONT.) This guy, Adrian Corbett, he just got married.
DUCKY: Yes. I took off his wedding ring.
MCGEE: Not quite the notorious playboy I made him out to be.
DUCKY: Appearances can be deceptive.
MCGEE: Every single word I wrote was wrong.
DUCKY: No, every word you wrote was fiction. That's why they call them characters.
MCGEE: But they're not just characters in a book. They're real people, and real families. Were.
DUCKY: I sympathize with the way you feel, Timothy. But you are not to blame for any of this.(SFX: AUTOPSY DRAWERS SLIDE SHUT)
MCGEE: Tell them that.
CUT TO:
EXT. BUILDING - DAY
TONY: Todd!
TODD: Oh, god! Look out!
TONY: What do you call that?(MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY AND GIBBS CHASE TODD)
GIBBS: Running, I think.(SFX: TODD SHOUTS)
TONY: Todd, hey!
GIBBS: Where's his car? Where's his car?!
EMPLOYEE: Employee lot. Around back.
CUT TO:
EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY
TODD: (SHOUTS INTO PHONE) Get out of the building! They know! They're chasing me! Okay...
GIBBS: You should have left the top down. Put your hands on top of your head. (TO TONY) Nice of you to join us, Dinozzo.
TONY: I thought I was gaining ground. He's got a very unorthodox running style. It's very effective, though.
GIBBS: Not effective enough.
TODD: I didn't want to do it. I told her it was a bad idea.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM
MCGEE: I actually trusted her.
ZIVA: There is no way you could have known, McGee.
TONY: Ziva's right, Probie. It's not your fault. But if you even think about writing a third novel, I'll k*ll you.
ZIVA: When Abby finds out who her character really feel in love with, you will already be dead.
(DOOR OPENS)
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
(DOOR CLOSES)
CRAWSHAW: I have been sitting here half the night, Agent Gibbs. What am I being charged with?
GIBBS: Tampering with a Federal investigation.
CRAWSHAW: That's ridiculous. I've answered every question you've asked.
GIBBS: Resisting arrest.
CRAWSHAW: I told you already. I wasn't running. I was late for an appointment.
GIBBS: And m*rder.
CRAWSHAW: You think I m*rder*d someone?
GIBBS: Their names are Petty Officer Darren Cove and Adrian Corbett.
CRAWSHAW: Never heard of them.
GIBBS: Okay. Well, how about Cameron Meyer and Jared Brenner? Have you heard of them?
CRAWSHAW: I think so. They're characters in Tim's next book.
GIBBS: The book someone is k*lling over.
CRAWSHAW: Too bad you can't find them.
GIBBS: I think we have. You wrote the letters.
CRAWSHAW: What? Why would I?
GIBBS: Todd gave you up. He said you told him to mail the letters back to the agency.
CRAWSHAW: (b*at) Well, I can explain.
GIBBS: Well, I sure hope so.
CRAWSHAW: I wrote the letters, but only to create a bigger buzz. Stalkers mean more press, more press means increased revenue.
GIBBS: You made up a stalker to sell more books?
CRAWSHAW: Yes, I did.
CUT TO:
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM
TONY: She's lying.
ZIVA: If she is, she's quite good.
TONY: She publishes fictional novels for a living, Ziva. She knows how to tell a good story.
MCGEE: I'm with Ziva. This woman lives to sell books.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
CRAWSHAW: Look, it may sound unorthodox, but I do one interview about those letters and Gemcity's book sales jump through the roof.
GIBBS: I didn't think he needed the help.
CRAWSHAW: There is no such thing as enough sales. What I did might be wrong, but there's no way I could ever k*ll anyone.
GIBBS: Why should I believe you?
CRAWSHAW: Those letters were a strategic business move. I would do anything to help my client sell more books.
GIBBS: Anything?
TONY: (V.O.) Well played, Boss.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
TONY: You'll get her in round two.(DOOR CLOSES)
GIBBS: There won't be a round two, Dinozzo.
TONY: But she didn't break.
GIBBS: I know. I was there.
MCGEE: She didn't do it, did she?
GIBBS: She's your publisher. You tell me.
MCGEE: I think she's telling the truth.
ABBY: That makes two of us. I compared Crawshaw's DNA to the mystery blood pulled off of Petty Officer Cove. She did not do it.
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
MCGEE: I've read this a thousand times, and I've come up with nothing.
ZIVA: Then maybe we should spitball ideas and see what sticks. (b*at) What? Did I say it wrong?
TONY: No, you got that right.
MCGEE: No, that's good. So let's start with what we know. Campfire.
TONY: Well, we know there's a k*ller on the loose. One down, two to go. And he's already k*lled number two.
ZIVA: In your book, Cameron Meyer and Jared Brenner only have two things in common.
MCGEE: They extorted money and both m*rder*d a convenience store clerk.
ZIVA: Maybe the k*ller was seeking revenge for the clerk's death.
MCGEE: No. The clerk's a throw-away character. I didn't even bother to name him. Besides, the stalker letters are fake. So we don't even know that he's delusional.
GIBBS: He m*rder*d two characters in a work of fiction, McGee.
MCGEE: Okay, so he's probably delusional. But that doesn't mean he's looking for revenge.
TONY: You gotta have motive, Probie.
MCGEE: Well, I am not convinced that the answer is in my book, Tony.
ZIVA: Maybe the answer is in how he got the book.
MCGEE: He definitely didn't get it from Crawshaw. She'd never do anything to jeopardize sales.
GIBBS: It means he got it from you.
MCGEE: Well, I keep everything locked up.
GIBBS: It wasn't a question. It's you or Crawshaw.
TONY: Trust your instincts, Tim. They're usually right. Take the lead on this one. All we can do is assist.
MCGEE: Okay. From the beginning, page one. (MCGEE WALKS O.S.)
TONY: I'd say we played that one nicely, Boss. The whole good guy, bad guy technique.
GIBBS: Dinozzo.
TONY: Yeah?
GIBBS: Assist.
(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS)
TONY: Hold the elevator!
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT
TONY: Ooh. Ah! I am using muscles I didn't even know I had! No wonder you only got to chapter six.
MCGEE: Chapter seven.
(SFX: MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)
MCGEE: It's jazz. Helps me clear my mind.
GIBBS: No. Coletrane is jazz, McGee. This is a soundtrack to a bad seventies p*rn sh*t in the San Fernando Valley.
MCGEE: I'm just trying to reenact every detail of my writing process here, okay?
TONY: (LOUDLY) I'm sorry. Did you say something? My ears are bleeding and I can't... I can't...
(MUSIC OUT)
TONY: Thank you.
MCGEE: I was trying to show you what I do when I get stuck.
TONY: Blocked.
MCGEE: Whatever. Up... come on.
TONY: I'm in the middle!
MCGEE: Up! Okay, sometimes when I'm in trouble, I take a few minutes to free-write.
TONY: Free-write?
MCGEE: Stream of consciousness. About my characters, my story arcs, my possible plot lines, everything. No filter.
TONY: No filter.
MCGEE: Whatever pops in my head goes right to the page.
TONY: Ah. Write. Be free! Just do it. Free write! Be free. I get it.
MCGEE: If I like it, I put it in my binder. If not...
(SFX: PAPER SHREDDER)
TONY: Do you always use your shredder?
MCGEE: Always.
TONY: Do you ever just take a stack of pages and toss it in the trash?
MCGEE: Never.
TONY: Did you ever misplace a binder, or lost a copy of a book?
MCGEE: No, and no. The only way the k*ller got my book is if he broke into my apartment, made a copy, and returned the original. I am a Federal investigator, so I'm sure I would know if someone tried to break into my place.
TONY: We're missing something.
MCGEE: And while we're trying to figure it out, he is planning on how to k*ll his next victim.
TONY: Or he's already k*lled them. Sorry. I was just... free-thinking.
MCGEE: It's like he's here in the room with me, looking over my shoulder as I write.
TONY: Type. Because technically, what you do is type. You don't really write. That would be ...
MCGEE: I type. That's how he does it.
TONY: Looked over your shoulder?
MCGEE: I type. (LOUDLY) Tony, I type!
CUT TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
(ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
MCGEE: Boss, I got it!
ZIVA: Film?
MCGEE: It's from my typewriter.
GIBBS: Typewriter ribbons.
MCGEE: That's how the k*ller read my book.
ZIVA: Well, where did he get the ribbons?
TONY: Trash. k*ller must have picked them out of McGee's dumpster.
MCGEE: That means he had access to all my notes and my ideas.
ZIVA: Which means the murders may not be based on just the book.
MCGEE: All these pages are a product of my free-writing.
ZIVA: (WHISPERS) Free-writing?
TONY: I'll explain it later.
MCGEE: One of my many possible endings involves Cameron Meyer and Jerrod Brenner k*lling me - Agent McGregor. It's a character I based on myself.
ZIVA: If the k*ller is confusing fiction with reality, then you've got a motive.
GIBBS: He's protecting you.
TONY: He's already k*lled two of the characters. Who's the third?
MCGEE: I haven't decided yet. But Meyer and Brenner are the only characters that wanted me - McGregor dead.
TONY: They why does he think there are three?
MCGEE: I don't know. I decided it'd be stupid to k*ll McGregor. Everyone likes him too much.
ZIVA: Well, not everyone. (READS) "Forensic Specialist Amy Sutton offered her heart to Agent McGregor only to be rejected. Using sign language, she tells her deaf mother that she can't live without him. He's going to have to go."
MCGEE: Yeah, "go" as in leave the agency. Not "go" as in "go."
GIBBS: Does the k*ller know that?
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. ABBY'S LAB - NIGHT
GIBBS: Abby!
ZIVA: She's not answering her cell.
GIBBS: Security detail?
TONY: Shift change; they just arrived on duty outside her apartment.
MCGEE: She's gone.
ZIVA: She's not answering her home phone either, Gibbs.
GIBBS: Send them in.
TONY: (INTO PHONE) Secure the apartment!
MCGEE: No, she's not there. Uh... her apartment's flooded. She's staying with Sister Rosita and the girls.
ZIVA: Sister Rosita?
MCGEE: From her bowling team.
TONY: The bowling nuns.(ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS CLOSE)
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. ROOM - NIGHT
(SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS/ VIBRATES)
(SFX: ABBY GASPS)
LANDON: Hi, Amy.
CUT TO:
INT. CAR - NIGHT
MCGEE: Still no answer.
GIBBS: Call again, McGee.
MCGEE: I can't believe I let this happen.
ZIVA: Abby knows how to take care of herself, McGee.
TONY: And she's got a crew of nuns watching her back.
MCGEE: Nuns are on a spiritual retreat. She's on her own.
(SFX: CAR ACCELERATES)
CUT TO:
INT. ROOM - NIGHT
ABBY: Are you... here to see someone? Um... because the sisters - they're gone....for a minute. They went to the church and should be back anytime.
LANDON: If you were smart, you would've just let him go, Amy.
ABBY: My name's Abby.
LANDON: I know rejection is hard. But let's face it, you're not good enough for him anyway.
ABBY: Good enough for who?
LANDON: Special Agent McGregor.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. CAR - NIGHT
(SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH TO A STOP)
GIBBS: You two take the back. McGee, you're with me.
CUT TO:
INT. CONVENT - NIGHT
ABBY: I'm sure there's some sort of communication problem here.
LANDON: Don't talk to me like I'm stupid! I know what you said.
ABBY: That makes one of us.
LANDON: How were you planning to do it, huh?
ABBY: Do what?
LANDON: k*ll him. With poison? I bet with your forensic training, I'll bet you could come up with something pretty - I wouldn't do that.
(SFX: Kn*fe CLATTERS TO THE PLATE)
LANDON: I will say, I've always respected your courage, Amy.
TONY: (SHOUTS) Drop your w*apon!
ZIVA: (SHOUTS) He said drop it! Now!
LANDON: Officer Lisa! Agent Tommy. I'm afraid I can't do that. You don't know it yet, but your partner's in danger!
MCGEE: Landon? Landon, what are you doing?
LANDON: I'm protecting you.
ABBY: McGee, who is this guy?
MCGEE: He's a friend.
LANDON: Don't! I have to do this!!
MCGEE: Landon, she's not going to hurt me. It's just a book. It's not--
GIBBS: Finished yet. Tell him the ending, Agent McGregor. Tell him what happens.
MCGEE: It's not what you think, Landon. Amy and I ... Amy and I get married.
LANDON: (LONG b*at) You... you marry her?
MCGEE: Yeah, I do. That means that if you k*ll her, you're k*lling the only woman I ever loved. Landon, I really do love her! It just took me a while to figure it out.
(ALL MOVE TOWARD LANDON)
LANDON: I was only trying to help.
GIBBS: You k*lled two people.
LANDON: I had no choice. They set a wedding date yet?
TONY: Guest list is full, buddy.
GIBBS: Are you okay, Abs?
ABBY: Oh, with the amount of bad guys after me, I feel like I'm dating Spiderman.
MCGEE: Abby, I am so sorry.
ABBY: We need to talk.
MCGEE: I know this is all my fault.
ABBY: Agent McGregor cannot marry Amy in the end. McGee, they're all wrong for each other.
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
(ENDING CREDITS UP AND OUT)