01x06 - The Breakfast Club

[destinyros2005]

Episode 106
The Breakfast Club
Original Airdate: March 3, 1998

In this episode: Dawson, Pacey, Joey and Jen all wind up spending an 8-hour Saturday in detention at Capeside High under the supervision of Mrs. Tingle, the school librarian. Abby Morgan, a fellow trouble-maker, stirs the pot by initiating a telling game of truth or dare to break up the monotony of the day. Afraid that Jen isn't physically attracted to him, Dawson's insecurity causes him to fight with Pacey. Matters are only complicated by the drawn-out truth or dare kiss between his best friend and his girlfriend. Later, Jen airs her frustration about not being accepted in the small town and frankly questions Joey about the friction between the two of them. While coolly composed most of the time, Joey panics when her intense feelings for Dawson thr*aten to boil over after she is dared to kiss him.

*Dawson's room, Joey and Dawson are laying on the bed watching a movie when Dawson flips it off.*

Joey: What are you doing?

Dawson: I don't get this movie.

Joey: Yeah but we've been watching it for an hour and a half, I'd kind of like to see what happens.

Dawson: When movies get to unrealistic it depresses me. I get a headache, I can't watch.

Joey: Unrealistic? Dawson your favorite movie is E.T.

Dawson: So?

Joey: A fat-fingered alien who eats Reeses Pieces and rides around on a bicycle?

Dawson: But the emotion is realistic. This movie, come on, a girl has to decide between two guys so they drag race? She agrees to go out with whoever has the fastest car.

Joey: Well, I hate to break it to you, Dawson, but a fast car can be a real turn on.

Dawson: Well, why don't they just arm wrestle. Whoever has the biggest bicep wins.

Joey: Well, that would work. Give me the remote.

*Dawson takes it and puts it out of Joey's reach.*

Joey: Give it to me.

Dawson: I don't want to watch it.

Joey: You're asking for it.

*She gets on top of him and starts playfully fighting him for it.*

Joey: Come on. Give it to me. You are such a ba--

*They stop and have that awkward silence.*

Joey: You know what? This really upsets you, doesn't it? (I don't know if this line is right.)

Dawson: It does?

Joey: Yeah.

Dawson: Okay, enlighten me.

Joey: Because guys are attracted to girls for totally superficial reasons.

*Dawson uses body language to show that he thinks that is so not true.*

Joey: Yes they are. They like girls from New York, with blonde hair, pouty lips, bony arms, and big boobs. But it goes both ways Dawson, it goes both ways.

Dawson: Jen does not have b--

*He starts to say big boobs but he stops himself.*

Dawson: Bony arms.

Joey: You can't stand the idea that if a girl is choosing between two guys she may not choose the doofus who woos her with flowers and cheesy poems, you know? She might just choose the guy with the faster car, bigger biceps, or...bigger joystick.

Dawson: Bigger joystick?!

Joey: Yes.

Dawson: First of all, girls are attracted to romance more than anything.

Joey: *Joey makes a face like 'yeah right'* Keep hope alive there.

Dawson: Second of all, I don't compete with other guys. You don't see me and Pacey running around arm wrestling over some girl.

Joey: Well, as I said, you don't like to lose.

Dawson: What's that supposed to mean?

Joey: Well, Pacey has bigger biceps.

Dawson: No, he does not!

Joey: Are you sure? 'Cause I thought he did. So let me get this straight. If girls are so attracted to the romantic guy, why won't Jen have sex with you?

Dawson: Jen wants to have sex with me she just--

Joey: She just hasn't gotten around to it.

Dawson: Let's watch the movie Joey.

Joey: I thought it was giving you a headache.

*Dawson stares angrily at the tv and Joey looks at him and rolls her eyes. Dawson looks back at Joey still angry.*

*Dawson's Creek theme*

*CUT TO hallway. Abby drops stuff from her purse and hurredly picks it up. Joey is giving a presentation.*

Joey: The showguns in the Tokogala (there's gonna be a lot of misspelled words so I'm spelling them how they sound) area separated the church from the state.

*Abby walks in.*

Abby: Mr. Douglas my car broke, sorry. I am so sorry.

*She walks towards her seat.*

Joey: (continuing) Anyways, the Oko was where the showgun kept his harem. It housed 600 women all in service to one man.

Grant: What? 600!

Joey: Anyway, since the emperor was in Kioto..

*Grant raises his hand.*

Grant: Did you say that 600 chicks were all in service to 1 dude?

Joey: Well, I didn't say chicks but yes.

Grant: Do you mean sexual service?

Teacher: Shh. Shh. Shh. Grant!

Joey: Yes. The showgun choose one from 600 concubines.

Grant: No way that's intense!

Joey: Anyway, as I was saying, since the emperor was in Kioto.

*Grant raises his hand again.*

Grant: Hello. Over here.

Joey: You know, I'll take questions after the presentation, Grant.

Grant: Right. Now, did these concubines did they have to doink the showgun? Or did they say like no dykes.

Joey: Well it was a great privedeledge to be chosen by the showgun.

Grant: So the showgun was like the school stud. Every chick wanted a piece of him, right?

Joey: No they didn't want a piece of him.

Grant: Sounds like they did to me.

Joey: Well that's because you have a low IQ.

Class: Ohhhhh.

*CUT TO Dawson walking towards the hall and he spots Pacey and Jen talking.*

Pacey: We called him Oompa Loompa.

Jen: Oompa Loompa? What's that?

Pacey: You don't know what an Oompa Loompa is? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? The little green men that used to stir the chocolate?

*Jen starts laughing.*

Pacey: I swear.

*Dawson walks up.*

Dawson: Hey.

Pacey and Jen: Hey.

*They are both still laughing.*

Dawson: What's so funny?

Pacey: Nothing. Nada. Nin.

Dawson: What's so funny?

Jen: It's nothing, Dawson. Forget about it.

Dawson: Okay.

Pacey: Get pumped, man. It's your favorite time of day...gym time! You know, I think we're playing b-ball today. You know, with that hoop up in the air and that ball.

Dawson: Right. I know how to play basketball, man.

Pacey: Of course you do, sport. Just don't kick the ball and don't hit it with a baseball bat.

*Jen starts laughing.*

Dawson: Okay, funny guy, I'll see you later. In gym.

Pacey: Roger dodger. See ya later, Jen.

Jen: Bye Pacey.

*He walks away. Dawson and Jen start walking.*

Jen: Aw, I have health with Mr. Pickering now. Just another person in Capeside who has some insplicable (right word?) grudge against me.

Dawson: You look incredible today.

*He kisses her on the cheek.*

Jen: Well, thank you.

Dawson: So what were you guys talking about before?

Jen: It was nothing, Dawson, really. I don't even remember what it was.

Dawson: Okay.

Jen: Whew. I'm so glad it's Friday. School is making me so stir-crazy. Let's do something crazy this weekend like river-rafting or jump out of a plane naked. We'll have fun.

Dawson: Okay!

*They kiss.*

Jen: I'll see you later.

Dawson: Bye.

*She goes into class.*

*CUT TO Boys locker room.*

Pacey: Did you know that the cheerleaders are doing flips in the gymnasium? How'm I supposed to play ball with a distraction like that?

Dawson: Pacey, what were you and Jen talking about earlier?

Pacey: Dude, you're fixated. Move on.

Dawson: Well you won't tell me so I do believe you were talking trash about me.

Pacey: Hey, don't talk trash, recycle it.

Dawson: Whatever. Jen already told me what you guys were talking about.

Pacey: She did.

Dawson: Mm-hm.

Pacey: She did?

Dawson: Yep.

Pacey: Well, I guess that's cool. I mean, Oompa Loompa is not the worst nick name.

Dawson: You told her people call me Oompa Loompa?!

Pacey: It's not a big deal. Someone was bound to tell her sooner or later. Hey! She thought it was cute. She really did. Dawson, you're not a little Oompa Loompa anymore. You're a big, bad, manly Oompa Loompa.

*Dawson shoves him.*

Pacey: Alright. Peace brotha! *He gets a kung fu stance then walks away.*
Tough guy...

*Dawson slams his locker shut.*

*CUT TO Health class.*

Teacher: Last night, your assignment was to read an article on the euthanasia. Would anybody like to comment on the article?

*Jen raises her hand.*

Teacher: Daniel!

Daniel: That doctors are supposed to heal, not to k*ll.

Teacher: Yes. Helping a patient taking his or her own life is completely at odds with the physician's position.

Jen: I disagree.

Teacher: Ms. Lindley. I don't know how they run classrooms in New York City, but here at Capeside. You raise your hand.

Jen: I'm sorry I just thought that this was a discussion.

Teacher: You disagree.

Jen: Yeah, I do. If a doctor can help someone to die with dignity, I think it's crazy as a society that we put that doctor in jail.

Teacher: Die with dignity? Is this a euphemism for m*rder and su1c1de?

Jen: No. If they're in pain or if it's only a matter of time. I mean, don't you think there comes a point when life is no longer worth living?

Teacher: Life is God's most precious gift and it is his decision on when it should end.

Jen: Oh, please.

Teacher: That's enough!

Jen: For someone lying on their death bed, life is not a gift, life's a bitch! I'm sorry I'm just trying to say that if someone--

Teacher: This is not Times Square Ms. Lindley. We don't use that kind of language here. You just bought yourself Saturday detention. Anybody else?

*CUT TO Lunchroom.*

Joey: Fishsticks.

*Grant and another guy budge in front of her in line.*

Joey: Hey Lumberjack there's a line and it starts back there.

Grant: Look who it is? You know I liked your report today, Joey. Got a lot out of it. It was very...stimulating.

Joey: Yeah well you were a great help.

Grant: I also loved it when you called me stupid. I love it when chicks tease me. It turns me on.

Joey: Wooo. This may come as a shock to you but just because you're juiced up on steroids doesn't mean you can barge in line wherever you want you know people have been waiting and it's rude.

Grant: Oh, did I butt in front of you?

Joey: Yeah, you did.

Grant: Oh guys, fellas. God, I feel terrible. But you understand, don't you? It's kind of like your report.

Joey: Excuse me?

Grant: We're like the showguns and this school is like our castle. Whatever we want, we get.

Joey: Oh really.

Grant: And you can either be my servant or my concubine. What'll it be?

*Joey punches him and throws her tray and the other guy then kicks Grant again. Grant is laying on the floor in pain.*

Joey: Neither.

*CUT TO Gym.*

Gym Teacher: Hit the showers, men, let's go!

Pacey: Hey Dawson, let's play a little one-on-one.

Dawson: What? Why?

Pacey: Because I'm on a role with the ladies. You don't get any play when you're sitting on the bench.

Dawson: Thanks for the sex tips Casanova. I'm hungry, man. I need lunch.

Pacey: It's only going to be for a couple points, man, I'll BUY you lunch. Let's not get crazy I'll buy you a fruit cup, alright? Okay, okay, I'll buy you lunch. You go first.

*They start playing and Pacey makes a basket.*

Pacey: He sh**t, he scores! The crowd goes wild. You know what, Dawson, I'm really kickin your ass.

Dawson: If you want to impress the cheerleaders, go sh**t freethrows or something, I'm outta here.

Pacey: Don't leave man. I need you. You make me look good.

Dawson: And how do I do that?

Pacey: Well, you suck worse than I do. It was a joke, man, I'm kidding. You can still b*at me. Miracles happen all the time. Come on Oompa Loompa.

Dawson: What did you call me?

Pacey: I said, pass me the ball Oompa Loompa, god....*he turns to the cheerleaders* Hey Ladies! I really love what you've done with that last cheer. *He turns back around and Dawson throws the basketball at his face.*

Coach: What the hell?

Cheerleaders: Oh sh**t. What happened?

Coach: What's gotten into you, Dawson? You cool off tomorrow, in all day detention.

*CUT TO Dawson and Jen walking down the hallway.*

Dawson: Neither of us deserve to be here.

Jen: Well, I don't, but I kind of think you do.

Dawson: I deserve to be here?

Jen: Dawson, I mean, you hit Pacey in the face with a basketball. You broke his nose.

Dawson: I didn't break his nose.

Jen: Pacey's your best friend.

Dawson: Ever since he lost his virginity he's been copping this attitude with me.

Jen: I thought you had more control over your animal instincts.

Dawson: I wish. But sometimes it seems as if they control me, like when I'm around you.

Jen: Come on, we don't want to be late.

*CUT TO the library. Dawson and Jen walk in and see Pacey.*

Dawson: What are you doing here?

Jen: Oh my God, Pacey, look at you.

Dawson: How's your nose?

Pacey: Broken thank you.

Jen: Oh, God, that must of hurt.

*She reaches to touch it.*

Pacey: Oh hey hey!

Jen: Oh sorry! Sorry. Oh that really sucks.

Pacey: Tell me about it.

Jen: So what are you in detention for?

Pacey: It's, uh, it's a long story.

Dawson: We got 8 hours.

Jen: Oh, it's gonna be so much fun. The three of us sitting around doing nothing. It's just like every other Saturday.

*Voices are heard talking.*

Pacey: Oh my God, that sounds like Abby Morgan.

Jen: Who's Abby Morgan?

Pacey: You've never met Abby Morgan?

Dawson: The girl is from hell, literally. (I don't know if this phrase is right but hey..)

*Abby and the Mrs. Tringle walk in.*

Abby: You're turning me into a juvenile delinquent.

Mrs. Tringle: It's about school policy, Abby.

Abby: Yeah but I could be outside doing good things for the Capeside community like helping out involids (sp?) and picking up litter. *She sees everybody.* Oh great. It's howdy doody time.

Mrs. Tringle: Sit down, Abby, and think while you're hear in Saturday detention.

Abby: But I could do that at home. You could put me under house arrest. I could just sit in my room and think, think, think about what a bad person I am.

Mrs. Tringle: Abby...shut up. Hello everyone and welcome to Saturday detention. Detention is not about fun and games. Detention is about pennance. Sit down, Abby. You are all required to stay here in this library until 5:00. While you are here you should be thinking about what you've done to get detention in the first place and what can you do to improve your behavior. Somebody's missing...

*Joey walks up from behind her.*

Joey: It's me, I'm here.

Dawson: Joey?

Joey: Hey everybody. What is this? Some sort of surprise party?

Pacey: Oh yeah. Surprise. Break out the pinnata.

*Joey takes a seat.*

Mrs. Tringle: Take a seat, you're late. As you know I am the Mrs. Tringle. I have some important work to do in the audio/visual room. If for some reason I have to come out here and discipline you, you will spend the rest of the day shelving books and filing library cards. Now are we down with the program? You are going to be spending the rest of the day together. After 8
hours, you're going to be like family.

Abby: 8 hours?! We're going to m*rder each other.

Mrs. Tringle: Well just don't get any blood on the books. And I mean that.

*She leaves and Abby pulls out some gum.*

Abby: Anybody want some gum?

Dawson: Yeah, actually.

Joey: Yeah.

Abby: Yeah, right. Oh my God Pacey, what did you do to your beak? Get into a car accident while picking your nose?

Pacey: No actually. This chump right over here...he threw a basketball at my face.

Abby: Well you should be thanking him. It can't look any worse than it did before. Is that why you're in here Dawson? Attempted manslaughter?

*Dawson nods.*

Abby: How about you Pacey? Did you get in trouble for damaging school equipment with your face?

Dawson: He's not telling.

Abby: Oh, must be embarressing. Did you make up another cockamamie story about sleeping with a teacher?

Pacey: No. It's none of your business.

Abby: Oh, secret's drive me crazy. If you tell us, I'll give you a piece of gum. Oh, you're so cool. Fine. Keep your boring little secret. How about you Jen? What's your crime?

Jen: I said bitch in class. It's just Mr. Pickering. He has this whole small-town mentality like a lot of people here do.

Joey: Oh, I'm so sorry. It must be so hard for you to put up with us Simpletons.

Jen: That's not what I meant.

Joey: Must be a real bitch for ya!

Abby: Rrrrear! Catfight! Ladies in your corners. How about you Joey? What are you in here for? Not that I'm surprised. I mean, incarceration does seem to run in your family.

Joey: Go to hell.

Jen: I think you're the bitch Abby.

Abby: Okay, Miss Big Apple. If you want to hang with these backwater blacksheep don't let me stop you.

*Time lapse.*

Joey: I slugged Grant Bodine.

Dawson: You slugged Grant Bodine?

Abby: No, is that why he left school early?

Joey: Yeah.

Abby: Oh, come on. That is moronic even for you. I mean, Grant Bodine is like the king of the school and a total fox. Why did they put me in here with all you violent offenders?

Dawson: What did you do Abby?

Joey: Yeah.

Abby: Don't go there, Dawson.

Jen: We told you.

Joey: Yeah.

Abby: Look, I don't want to blow your mind.

Pacey: I think we can handle this one, alright?

Abby: I don't think you can, Pinocchio.

Pacey: Hit me with it.

Abby: Okay. Ever been to the boy's locker room?

*Dawson and Pacey nod.*

Abby: Ever heard of a little drug called ecstasy?

*The group acknowledges they have.*

Abby: Ever heard of an orgy?

*Pacey makes the funniest face right here. I cr*ck up when I see it.*

Abby: That's all I can tell you. Sufficed to say that some people in this school aren't afraid to experience some erotic pleasure. But I don't kiss and tell. That's all I can say. Sorry.

*Time lapse.*

Dawson: This is so Breakfast Club.

Jen: Breakfast Club?

Dawson: Yeah that John Hughes movie where the five kids are stuck in detention all day.

Joey: Yeah at first they hate each other and then they become really, really good friends.

Jen: Oh yeah that movie stunk. Whatever happened to those actors?

Dawson: Anthony Michael Hall developed some weird thyroid condition, Molly Ringwald lost her gauky enjenu appeal, and the rest are laguishing somewhere in tv obscurity.

Pacey: No way! Emilio Estevez! He was in those Duck movies, remember? God, those were classics, so funny....

*Everybody gives him a look.*

Pacey: What?

*timelapse*

Jen: You know my best friend in New York, her older sister used to babysit Ally Sheedy.

Joey: Ohh, you mean you know somebody who knows somebody who knows Ally Sheedy?

Abby: Yeah, Jen, you're just so glamorous.

Jen: Oh, well, we can't all be like you Abby and have ecstacy g*ng-bangs on the floor of the locker room.

Abby: Mrs. Tringle! Mrs. Tringle!

Jen: Oh come on!

*CUT TO Mrs. Tringle watching TV and then back to Abby.*

Mrs. Tringle: What is it?

Abby: I do have a bladder and it's about to burst. Can I please be excused to go use the bathroom?

*CUT TO the group heading towards the rest rooms.*

Abby: I'm surprised she isn't following us into the stalls.

*CUT TO Dawson and Pacey in the guy's restroom.*

*CUT TO Abby putting on lipstick in the girl's restroom.*

Abby: I may be reaching but I think you guy's have some weird sexual tension thing going on. Am I right?

*The toilets' flush.*

*timelapse - back in library.*

Abby: I'm so bored.

Pacey: Well where's your ecstasy Abby? You and I can just go on down to the boy's locker room and you know.

Abby: I don't have any left and if I did I wouldn't waste it on Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

Pacey: What? You're not going to let Rudolph join in any of your perverted reindeer games?

Abby: Hey now there's an idea, games. We could all play a game.

Pacey: Really? What do you want to play? Pin the tail on the ho-bag, huh?

Abby: We should play truth or dare. Please? I'll be your best friend. Okay, I'll go first. Dawson. You can ask me anything. I'll tell the truth.

Dawson: Forget about it, Abby.

Abby: Come on, Dawson. Isn't there anything you've ever wanted to ask me?

Dawson: Yeah are you really an alien and what planet are you from?

Abby: No and Earth. Okay, my turn.

Dawson: Wait a minute.

Abby: No, that was your question.

Dawson: That wasn't a question that was a joke.

Abby: Look there are rules to this game and your turn is over now it's my turn. Okay....Pacey! Truth or dare Pacey?

Pacey: Alright Abby. Just remember, I'm next.

Abby: Oh, I'm so scared, truth or dare Pacey?

Pacey: Dare...truth...I don't care.

Abby: Okay, truth. Pacey, why are you in detention?

Pacey: Well, uh, it's just, uh, I want a dare.

Joey: Oh come on Pacey, just tell us.

Pacey: Hey. I want a dare.

Abby: You are such a wuss. Fine, dare. I dare you to kiss on the lips for
10 seconds...Jen!

Dawson: What?

Abby: We're waiting.

Pacey: This is stupid.

Jen: Yeah nobody wants to play this game anyways.

Joey: I do. And Pacey said dare, better do what she says.

Pacey: Fine. What do I care?

*They kiss*

Pacey: Okay, Joey, Miss "you better do what she says". What'll it be truth or dare?

Joey: No, you said--

Pacey: Ah-ha-ha-ha. Truth or dare?

Joey: Truth.

Pacey: Okay. Who do you like?

Joey: Who do I like?

Pacey: Very simple. Who are you in love with? The truth.

Joey: Did I say truth? I meant dare.

Abby: You guys are such wimps. Can't any of you handle the truth?

Joey: I'll do anything. I'll climb through the ventilation chaps or I'll go flash Mrs. Tringle.

Pacey: Okay, perfect. Then in keeping with our kissing theme, Joey I dare you to kiss on the lips for 15 seconds, Dawson Leery.

Joey: No. No way.

Dawson: Pacey grow up!

Abby: No, you have to do it, Joey.

Pacey: You did say you'd do anything.

Joey: Fine. Dawson, c'mere.

Pacey: Go on.

Abby: I'll keep the time.

*They kiss.*

Abby: 13...14...15.

*They stop.*

Abby: So are we having fun yet? Your turn. Earth to dimwit. Come in, dimwit.

Joey: Okay, Jen. Truth or dare?

Jen: Truth.

Joey: Out of all the guys at Capeside, is Dawson the one you're most attracted to?

Jen: Is Dawson the one I like the best? Of course.

Joey: No, I didn't ask you if he was the one you liked the best I asked if he was the one you're the most attracted to.

Jen: What do you mean attracted to?

Dawson: She means attracted. Physically attracted.

Joey: Is he the guy you're hottest for? I mean, when you look at Dawson do you want to just jump his bones? Or is it that you like his personality the best but in terms of lust you'd rather boink somebody else like Pacey.

Jen: No, I like Dawson.

Joey: Yeah, but do you lust for him?

Jen: That's a stupid question.

Dawson: Why is it a stupid question?

Pacey: I'm totally okay with this question.

Jen: It's stupid because....it's stupid because...the answer is yes, obviously. I lust for Dawson. I'm hot for Dawson. Maybe if you spent less time...forget it.

Joey: What? Come on, Jen, tell me, I can handle it. What do you have to say?

Jen: Maybe if you spent less time dwelling on me and Dawson you might have a boyfriend of your own.

Joey: Oh yeah, wouldn't that just be heaven on earth. To call one of these pigs at Capeside my boyfriend and be some perky cheerleader who gets pumped and dumped by the school jocks. Yeah, have sex with Grant Bodine on the locker room floor. Wouldn't that be great?

Abby: Just like a true lesbian (don't know if this phrase is right)

Joey: Yeah I wish I was a lesbian. And Jen I'm not dwelling on your relationship with Dawson so just get over yourself.

Dawson: Okay, I dare all of us.

Pacey: To do what?

Dawson: To follow me, it's time for a jail break.

*They walk out and pass the doorway where Mrs. Tringle is watching soaps.*

Abby: We're totally gonna get caught.

Jen: Nope, we're not. Mrs. Tringle is in there watching Days of Our Lives which means she probably taped a week's worth of episodes which means she has an hour and a half left to go so we should have an hour of freedom.

Joey: What exactly are we doing out here anyway?

Jen: Well I suggest we play a new game. This one is a friendly, fun for the whole family, adventure called Guess My Butt.

Abby: Guess My Butt?

*CUT TO Pacey sitting on a copier making a copy of his naked butt.*

Pacey: That felt good.

Jen: Okay, Pacey it's time to pull up your pants now. Okay, now it's time to play guess my butt.

Abby: They all look the same.

Jen: No, if you look closely they have subtle differences.

Abby: This one is so perky and petite. It's got to be mine.

Jen: And this one has got to be Pacey's!

Dawson: How do you know?

Jen: I can just tell.

Pacey: Duh cause she's checked it out.

Dawson: Don't make me ill.

Pacey: Oh please, she can't help herself. My butt, really, it's like a magnet, chicks they just can't keep their eyes off.

*The girls laugh.*

Dawson: Stop man, you're pathetic.

Pacey: You're just jealous?

Dawson: Of you? This is

Pacey: Dawson, this is so blatant. That's why you threw the basketball at my nose and that's why you've been acting like such a puke.

Dawson: Me? I've been acting like a puke?

Jen: Dawson, don't get upset.

Pacey: Hey, you're just jealous of me. You're jealous of me because I'm a better athlete. You're jealous of me because I've got a better sex life.

Dawson: Yeah, Pacey, you're a real Don Juan.

Pacey: At least my nickname was never Oompa Loompa.

Dawson: The reality of it Pacey is that you're not good at anything. You are a total failure not to mention the laughing stock of the entire school.

Jen: Come on guys, stop.

Abby: Can't we all just get along?

Pacey: You know, I never knew what it did to a man's ego to lose a basketball game.

Dawson: I didn't lose that game.

Pacey: Do you want a rematch?

Dawson: I'll wup you anytime, anywhere.

*CUT TO gymnasium.*

Jen: Why are you doing this?

Dawson: I'm not going to let him toss his rocks off (?) at my expense. The guy has sex one time and he thinks he's Will Chambers.

Jen: That's what it's about? Sex?

Dawson: No. But you know it is a little humiliating. I'm the one with the girlfriend and he's giving me sex tips.

Jen: Dawson this is stupid, you don't have to do this.

*Joey and Abby are walking on the bleachers.*

Joey: Hmm, this should be interesting.

Pacey: Alright, Oompa Loompa. This is your moment of truth.

Dawson: If I win you have to tell us all why you're in detention.

Pacey: Me? Lose this? Come on, stay off the cr*ck, pal. Come on.

*They start playing.*

Abby: Pacey you're supposed to get it in the net. My dog plays basketball better than you two.

Jen: This is ridiculous. I mean, why do guys feel the need to compete over everything?

Abby: Oh yeah, us sisters never compete over anything. Dawson, nice airball.

Joey: Don't you think you should go get some pom-pons Jen? Cheer your man on.

Jen: Alright Joey, I give up, you win. I keep trying to get you to like me but there's nothing I can do is there?

Joey: What do you mean? Whatever. I like you.

Jen: Come on, Joey, I'm not a fool. All your little catty comments are not lost on me. I mean, what did I ever do to you? All I've ever done is try to be your friend.

Abby: You all can never be friends as long as you keep fighting over the same guy. Joey, it's obvious you're in love with Dawson.

Joey: You're wrong.

Abby: I saw a kiss that could set the atlantic ocean on fire. Don't tell me I'm wrong about these things. That kiss was intense. Well, I can see you guys have a lot to talk about. I'm parched. I'm going to get some water.

Jen: Joey I know this has got to be kind of--

Joey: Look, I don't want to talk about it. With you.

Jen: I know. It's okay. I understand.

Joey: Why do you have to be like this?

Jen: Like what?

Joey: So nice. God. It would be so much easier if you were just a total wench, that's all.

Jen: Well, I guess I could try to be more of a wench.

*Joey gives her a look.*

*CUT TO Abby looking up at a clock.*

Abby: Guys! We've got to get back to the library right now!

Pacey: No way.

*Dawson makes a basket*

Dawson: Yes!

Pacey: That's not fair!

Abby: Guys, seriously, if we don't get our xeroxed butts back to the library in the next two minutes we're doomed!

Pacey: Girls, yo, locker room's quicker.

*They run down the halls and see Mrs. Tringle waiting for them.*

Pacey: Hey Mrs. Tringle. How's in hangin'?

*CUT TO library.*

Mrs. Tringle: Is there any reason why I shouldn't give you all detention next Saturday?

Abby: Yes. We were starving. Mrs. Tringle you can't keep us locked up here in this library with no food. I am a member of Amnesty International.

Mrs. Tringle: So you went to the gym to what? Eat a basketball?

Abby: No. We didn't know what we were doing. We were delirious.

Mrs. Tringle: Abby if I hear one more peep out of you...

Abby: Mrs.--

*Pacey covers her mouth.*

Mrs. Tringle: These cards need sorting.

*SHe dumps them out.*

Mrs. Tringle: You will spend the rest of the afternoon arranging the cards alphabetically. If even one card is out of order you all will spend next Saturday here with me in detention. Are you hip to my lingo?

*She leaves and Pacey, Jen, Joey, and Dawson start picking up the cards.*

Dawson: Abby are you going to help or not?

Abby: Oh, I can't. I have carpal tunnel syndrome.

*time lapse. Joey hands Pacey her cards and Pacey takes them to Dawson.*

Dawson: Ohh. Last one.

Jen: Thank God.

*Mrs. Tringle walks in.*

Mrs. Tringle: How are those cards coming?

Abby: Oh, good. We have them finished Mrs. Tringle.

Mrs. Tringle: It's 4:30. You should all be able to go home soon.

Abby: Mrs. Tringle. Oh you have such pretty eyes. Have you ever thought about contacts?

Mrs. Tringle: Abby, you don't have to flatter me. You've served your time in detention. Hopefully you've learned something. Excessive tardies will not be tolerated here at Capeside.

*She leaves.*

Dawson: Excessive tardies?

Joey: What happened to the ecstasy Abby?

Jen: And the orgy on the floor of the boy's locker room?

Pacey: I knew this from the very beginning. I saw through your school slut routine. You're a liar.

Abby: Takes one to know one.

Pacey: Oh, please. Spare me. You're nothing but a white-bred, country club goody-two-shoes with a bad case of potty mouth.

Abby: Oh no. Pacey's onto me. I can never show my face in public again. Big deal. I was just trying to make the day more interesting. The question is why are you in detention?

Dawson: Yeah, that was the deal remember? If you lost the game you'd have to tell us why you are in detention.

Pacey: That game was a sham.

Dawson: A deal's a deal.

Jen and Joey: Come on, Pacey.

Pacey: You know what? It's just not going to happen okay?

Dawson: Can't expect Pacey to 'fess up to anything.

Pacey: I am so sick and tired of you copping this attitude with me.

Dawson: I want to trust you, Pacey.

Pacey: You want to trust me? Like I'm going to steal your girlfriend or something.

Dawson: I wouldn't put it past you. You'd do anything for sex.

Pacey: That sucks, Dawson. Is that the way you feel about me?

Dawson: What am I supposed to think? You kissed my girlfriend!

Jen: It was a dare!

Pacey: Thank you.

Dawson: You guys were totally into it.

Jen: Well, I wasn't. No offense.

Pacey: None taken.

Dawson: That whole Oompa-Loompa thing.

Pacey: Oh, for the love of God, Dawson. You've blown that thing way out of proportion.

Dawson: Maybe I have, alright? But you don't understand. You don't get it. Those two words, Oompa Loompa. I HATE those words. It's like every insecurity I have about myself exists inside those two words. And when you call me that it's like you're exposing me for not being Mr. Varsity Athlete. For not being sexually experienced. I'm a virgin alright? I'm not some sex stud like you.

Pacey: Sex stud? Please tell me you're joking Dawson. Okay, do you want to know why I'm in here?

Dawson: Yeah.

Pacey: You all have to swear that this never leaves this room.

Joey: I swear.

Jen: Cross my heart.

*Pacey points at Abby.*

Abby: I swear. *then when pacey turns away she crosses her fingers.*

Pacey: Okay. Yesterday, after you totally busted up my nose with that basketball, the cheerleaders were being really friendly towards me. Bandaging up my nose, and hugging me and stuff. I got a little excited.

Joey: Oh no.

Pacey: I went in the bathroom to, uh, relieve the tension.

Abby: Oh my God...

Pacey: Yeah and the coach came in and wanted to check up on my nose...

Abby: He saw a lot more than just your nose, didn't he?

Pacey: Yeah, well, needless to say that's why I'm here.

Abby: That's the most embarressing story I've ever heard.

Pacey: Thanks. So do you think you can stop throwing basketballs at my face now, Dawson? I think it's glaringly obvious that I'm not going to steal your girlfriend. I mean, at least you have a girlfriend. I've got nothing left.

Abby: You have your hand.

Dawson: You're right. I've been taking my frustrations out on you. I guess I'm just looking for a reason why....

Jen: What? Why what?

Dawson: Why you don't want me.

Jen: Hey Dawson. I like you.

Dawson: Yeah but it's not enough that you like me. I want you to want me.

Jen: You're like a God to me Dawson, and I don't even believe in God. I mean, this school hasn't exactly welcomed me with open arms. It seems like everybody here hates me and I don't know why. If it's because I'm from New York, or because I'm different. It seems like my life here is just one big detention that I can't escape, but then, I think about you. And about how I've met a guy who's so romantic, and so caring, and who I like, and who I want so much. Dawson it's because of you that I get through the bad days. And if you think I want you to be some big, varsity sex stud then you're crazy.

Dawson: I understand that you want to take things slow, I do. And I don't want to rush you. I don't want to be that guy. But I'm human, I have hormones. And to say that I've never thought about having sex with you, I'd be lying. The thought crosses my mind. About a thousand times a day.

Jen: Well just a thousand? That's nothing.

Dawson: Pacey, I've been a real jerk. I'm really sorry about your nose, man.

Pacey: I'm sorry I called you Oompa Loompa, man. It shouldn't come as much of as surprise. Considering I'm such a screw-up.

Dawson: You're not a screw-up.

Pacey: Yeah, I am a screw-up and everybody knows it.

*Abby nods.*

Pacey: But Dawson, you're my best friend, man. I don't want to screw that up.

Joey: You know when did everyone because so obsessed with sex? Now, you too, Dawson. If you're worried that everyone's more experienced than you, you can rest easy because you still have one friend who will probably go to her grave a virgin.

Dawson: Joey it's just a matter of time.

Joey: Until what? My brain short circuits and I start bedding down with every guy with a fast car and big biceps?

Dawson: Before you find the right person.

Joey: I have.

Dawson: Joey?

Joey: I'm sorry Dawson. I don't know what's going on. I have all these feelings. These weird feelings. And I don't know how to say it and I can't say it. I mean, you know everything about me, everything. And I still can't say this. I can't. And I just feel really lonely.

Dawson: You're not alone.

Joey: Yes I am.

Dawson: Jo, I'm here for you now, okay? Nothing you can say is going to change that. Maybe if you just say these things then they'll be out in the open and your feelings won't be as strong anymore. Like you could be free.

Joey: I can't. I can't. If I say these things, I can't ever take them back. It'll change everything and I can't do that. I can't.

Mrs. Tringle: Well, everyone, congratulations. You've done your time. You can go home now.