02x06 - Doubt Truth to Be a Liar

Previously on The Royals...

Maybe I find you...



I want you to be devoted to my wellbeing full-time.

You wanna get out of here?


You have an opportunity to inspire us.

Maybe the answer isn't walking away.

Maybe you should try and change it from the inside.

Yesterday, when you found me in an alley...

Not in an alley. I found you in the park.

This was hanging around my neck the night before the King was killed.

What does it mean?

We figure this out, we figure out who's been killing my family.

And then we make them pay.

I hope I didn't keep you waiting.

I'd wait a lifetime for you.

It's nothing personal, Captain Lacey.


You tell me what you did!

He's dead.

Are you holding? Come on, hook a girl up.

I can't help you, okay?

Ouch! Feisty princess.

What is this?

An early birthday present.

Oh, my...

You and diamonds, like gin and tonic, are destined for each other.

So, what's your poison?

Drugs? Booze? Boys?


Okay, I hear that.

I'm Len.


I was happy when I saw you in my bed.

You fell in love with her. You know how I know?

You had her in your pocket, you didn't follow through.

Don't worry because we're stealing that diamond and getting the hell out of here.


♪ Just let it be ♪
♪ Why don't you be you ♪
♪ And I'll be me? ♪
♪ Come on, let it go ♪
♪ Just let it be... ♪

Ha ha ha! I think we broke James on the ride back, probably about after the ninth repeat in a row.

Trust me, James has seen far worse like that time he was being personally tortured by Saddam Hussein in Kuwait, or wherever the hell that was.

Not even close. Night, ladies.

You are going to look so banging for the party tomorrow night.

I mean, all this PLUS your gran's earrings?

Damn, girl. Come with me.

You have to. You're the birthday girl, you get what you want.

Have them set it in the necklace and voila.

But it's not even mine. It belongs to the people.

Trust me, the people want their princess to wear it for her birthday.

It's just not as pretty behind glass.

It needs to be let out and taste freedom once in a while.

I'm sure they would rather see it on you than your uncle.

Are you sure it's not too much, though?

I mean, our birthdays are always just a reason for my mother to throw a hoity-toity gala.

They're never even about us.

Was that supposed to be a reason for not wearing it?

You deserve to be the center of attention on a normal day.

Your birthday? No-brainer.

♪ Long way down ♪
♪ It's a long way down ♪

Another one in that corner.


♪ It's a long... ♪
♪ A long way down ♪

Congratulations are in order, Your Majesty.

Your Succession Bill quietly passed late last night with barely the margin we needed.

And with Moorefield ready to declare the princesses unfit the moment Cyrus dies, you are a heartbeat away from becoming the reigning monarch of Great Britain.

And, with Lucius and Cyrus dominating the headlines, people won't even notice the succession has changed.

That is to say, no one knows.

It's nice when all your hard work pays off.

Wouldn't you say, Your Majesty?

Your Majesty?

Clear my schedule. And give me your car keys.

What of the gala for the twins tonight?

They deserve their own day.

So do I.

(ALL) Happy Birthday!

I'm hit.

Not in the face!

Please! Have mercy.

The pain! The pain!

You guys are so weird.


How did you know?

It's not a dorm room.

It's a palace. I have security.

Is the Queen's high society birthday party still in effect tonight?

The guest list is ancient.

It's alright. Some of those old timers can party.

Any royal cougars?

Is that...?

The Crown Jeweler will set it in the necklace for me!

But I talked him into five minutes with it so that I could "plan my outfit."

Gimme, gimme!


There are two guards out there for this thing who would flip if they knew someone else had their mitts on it.

(Text alert)

Of course. Rachel says my mother's not even coming.

We should just cancel.

I mean, our birthdays have always been more about her and her old boring friends than us, anyway.

Just some lame excuse for a gala, each year more boring than the last.

Even when you guys were kids?

Not even one special birthday?

Once. It was our ninth.

The Queen was away on some official trip to Toronto, so my dad threw us, like, a real kids' birthday party.

Carnival games, the whole deal. We had dodgems, even!

I'm sorry, what-ems?

Dodgems! The little cars you smash into each other with.

Ohhh... bumper cars.

Sure. And he had this cake made that we had to jump out of.

Hold this.

I gotta go.

You're a model who blew off her gig.

Where could you possibly have to be?

Well, it may or may not have to do with your birthday.

Which is NOT being canceled, by the way.

[NOTHING BUT THIEVES: Graveyard Whistling]

Just trust me.


♪ Graveyard whistling ♪


♪ And no one's getting younger ♪


I told you I'd be happy to help.

And I told you I don't like pity.

But thank you. I've got it.

Ugh! Mother's milk!

Will you be well enough for the gala tonight?

What gala?

For the twins' birthday.

As if.

How is it those bastards' birthday again?

Because it's on the same day each year.

And it's been a year since the last one.

I don't know how many days I have left on this earth, but I know I won't waste them celebrating those little sh1ts.

What do you want to do, then?

High time I took my girlfriend on a proper date.


And where shall we go?

Have you ever been to the opera?

♪ The cloud I'm living under ♪
♪ When I go there, will I find my sense of wonder? ♪
♪ Open up the gates ♪


We need to talk.




You still work here?

Please. Just one question. Please.

Fine, if it means you'll be gone quicker.

Come on.

How well do you really know Mandy?

What is it about this girl that's got everyone's knickers in a twist?

Including your own.

I'm happy. Doesn't anybody care that I'm happy?

Of course I do. But aren't you moving a little fast?

She's stayed over almost every night last week.

Sorry, what business is that of yours?

I'm getting really sick of trying to find ways to tell you that I am sick of you and your games.

Get over it.

Stop being such a jealous ex-bodyguard.

I just want to make sure you're protected.

You don't get the privilege of protecting me any longer.

Thank God.

Lady Holloway.

Your Majesty.

I'll get some wine.

You are truly a petulant disgrace.

You make a mockery of the country and the crown.

First with your pitiful tirade, then flaunting this pitiful bimbo around in public.

All this, not to mention what you did to my husband.

Promising he'd be Prime Minister, then reneging.

Maybe you should ask Mr. Holloway the truth about why our deal is off.

You two will have a lot to talk about.

Where is he tonight, by the way?

Working hard after you shafted him.

More like working someone's hard shaft.

Enjoy the show. I hear there's a surprise ending.

So once I've poured enough liquor down her, I'll get her alone and switch the real one for that.

Not bad for 3500 bucks, right?

I mean, convincing enough on its own, but five drinks, and she'll never know.

You did that thing with the camera?

Looped a decoy feed, or I wouldn't be standing here.

It was literally in my hands hours ago!

Dude! Snap out of it.

This was your plan.

You fell for her, I get it, because you have a dick and she's hot.

But time to come back to reality.

For what we've been talking about for two years.

We are so close.

You remember that night we took that guy at the Bellagio for ten grand?

I was so excited and you were your typical Jasper self, all "it's cool, no big deal."

Then we, uh... celebrated... on his penthouse balcony.

I'll never forget what you said to me after that.

You were done with those jobs.

After watching your parents scrape by on small score after small score, you were done.

Then what did you say to me?

You just need one great job.

And that looks like one hell of a great job to me.

Have you heard from them?

Your folks?

Last I heard, they were being evicted from Desert Oasis Trailer Park.

You're so close to proving that you're not your dad.

That you're smarter than him.

More talented than him.

That you have better taste... in everything.


Once you lied to the world, I knew I was a dead man. So I was prepared when they walked in.

Alistair, I need you to know that I, No, Helena, this is where I speak and you listen.

I realize now that it's always been about you, that I was your convenience.

I'm meant to be grateful for whatever time I had with you, and I was.

For 30 years.

Until you dragged Henry's name through the mud.

That really woke me up.

So, yes, I'm alive. But not to you.

Not anymore. To you, I'm dead forever.

That's the speech I'd prepared to give you.

Until I remembered the kids.

Are they my kids?

Or was that just another lie?

In all truthfulness, I don't know if the twins are yours.

In the back of my mind, I've always wondered.

Believe me, Alistair, this is not a lie.

I promise I will never lie to you again.

It's the kids' birthday party tonight.

And yet you're here.

Stuck in your own head, like you always are.

Never considering anyone else.

That's not true, Alistair.

Not when we were here, when we were young, before I got caught up in a tide bigger than any one person could bear.

I'm not the cruel person you're making me out to be.

You still had a choice, Helena.

Everything you've done has been for one purpose: getting yourself on the throne.

And with this new Succession Bill, it's all coming together the way you always wanted.

None of this is the way I wanted it.

You think I'd have chosen for things to turn out how they did?

Maybe so.

But you've never had to sacrifice anything while everyone around you continues to lose everything.

Don't you see the twins are the only ones left?

Hold on to what little you have left with them because without them, you'll be completely alone.

Everybody is looking up here.

The way you look, you should be used to eyes in your direction.

This is different.

I feel ashamed.

Like I've done something wrong.

Am I a disgrace to the crown?


You're an inspiring vision of peace and purity.

It's those Philistine bitches who are the disgrace.

Darling, know that with you by my side, the crown has never shone brighter.


I can't see a bloody thing. This is so absurd.

Oh, my God! And now we're turning.

Whoa, hey. Get on your side.

Sshh! Just relax.

She's so sweet. She went to so much trouble.

Just try and smile and be happy.

(Cheering and applause)

Dodgems? In the bloody palace?

How the hell did you do all this?

Luckily, you guys roll with one of the best party-throwers on the planet.

All I had to was distract you and swipe your phone and steal Holden's number.

You sneaky bitch.

This is insane!

But it looks like not everyone got the memo on the change of plans.


Okay. Make sure that you're outside at midnight for the fireworks, when it officially becomes your birthday.

All of this is just foreplay.

At midnight, sh1t is about to go off.

Everything looks so amazing.

You look amazing.

This necklace, even better than I imagined.

No one's ever done anything like this for me.

Well, that is a damned shame.

[ZERBIN: World's On Fire]

♪ So we danced in a fount of Parisian merlot ♪
♪ With our head in the clouds ♪
♪ Bodies below in desire ♪
♪ The whole world's on fire... ♪


This guy serious?

You have to blow past the legal limit to drive one.

Otherwise you have to do a shot.

♪ We danced in a fount of Parisian merlot ♪
♪ With our head in the clouds ♪
♪ Bodies below in desire ♪
♪ The whole world's on fire ♪
♪ We danced in a fount of Parisian merlot ♪
♪ With our head in the clouds ♪
♪ Bodies below in desire ♪
♪ The whole world's on fire ♪
♪ We danced in a fount of Parisian merlot... ♪
♪ With our head in the clouds... ♪

You came.

I did.

You rode me off my line.

I did.


Okay, here's my challenge: You have to have a drink for every year you've been alive.

Do you think I'm not game for that?

Shots, though. Too many calories otherwise.

Model, remember?

I'll get us started.




♪ How fast ♪
♪ Wanna fight? Enough's enough... ♪

Happy Birthday, Princess.

Oh, thank you so much. Thanks for coming. Enjoy the party.

Perhaps you don't recognize me.

Last time I saw you, I was in rehab and you wouldn't share your drugs.



Piss... off! You look...



I'm doing way better now.


I got off the junk. Found a guy who keeps me off it and... takes care of me.

What happened to your tats?


Paid by my man.


I cannot wait to meet the man behind this 180.

He's pretty great. He's around somewhere.

He asked me to join him at your birthday party and I couldn't wait to celebrate the girl who inspired me more than the program ever could.

Ohh! I'm so glad you're here.

And you're clean and you're happy?

That's great.

Everyone deserves to be happy.

♪ Hum, baby, hum ♪
♪ Hum, baby, hum ♪

Too much heat on this right now, Samantha.

We need to back off. They added four guards just for the diamond.

I'm not worried. We've got an ace up our sleeve. You.

Surely there's something else in the palace worth a small fortune something you can make off with unnoticed that's not gonna affect Eleanor directly?

Just grab a vase.

Count it as solid winnings and get the hell gone.

Are you serious? The buyer doesn't want a vase. He wants diamonds.

Don't do this. It will crush her.

She's a goddamn princess, Jasper.

I think she'll be fine.

This is happening.

And when we take off, bring that tie.

I can think of a million and one uses for it.

♪ Hum, baby, hum, girl ♪

It matters not a spotted dick what anyone thinks of either of us, my dear.

Hey, King!

Like your style!

It's about time we had some balls back on the throne.

Thank you, friend.

Smoking hot piece you got, and all.

Long live the King, I say!

Long live the King! Long live the King!

Long live the King!



I'm terribly sorry.

No problem at all.

It's not a party until something's broken.

What a prince!

Oh, stop.

On to more important matters: Pimm's Pong.

We're up against the current champs, three games running.

Ambassadors! How lovely to see you.


And the same to you. Your Highness.

These are the Moseleys, ambassadors to Switzerland.

I met them whilst doing my post-grad there.

Of course. Pleasure.

My apologies about the change of plans.

Probably not what you had in mind when you accepted my mother's invite.

You kidding?

This is way more fun than we were expecting!

Well, thank you for coming.

Your notable reputation greatly precedes you.


You're on, young man.

Bring it. Ha ha ha!

We're gonna destroy them, right?

Oh, no doubt.


Go on.


Drink, Dame!


Oh, we must do that next.

Yeah, of course.


Ha ha ha!

I totally thought it was you I was grinding on for, like, two minutes!

Ashok's got really girly arms. Trust me, you gave him the night of his life.


What the hell you run off for?

I was dancing with the birthday girl.


I don't approve of you leaving at your own whims.

We go now.

Are you deaf now?

We're leaving.

Baby, not so hard, please.

Thank you.

I should... go.

Happy Birthday, Princess.


Do keep in touch.


We don't have to do this. You do realize it's filled with champagne?

The good stuff. And are you kidding? Of course we do.

I'm going first. Then I'll do you on your actual birthday day.

Yes, I realize what I just said.

Your dress. You sure you...

Screw it!

More important things in life than dresses. Do your worst.

Happy Birthday, bro.

Happy Birthday, Lenny. And please thank the girl for me.

"The girl"? Mandy, you w*nk*r!

Thank Mandy for me, then. I mean, this is incredible.

It is, isn't it?


Okay, I'm gonna go find her. And, thank her... really good.



♪ Just a little late ♪
♪ It was never gonna end, it was never gonna end... ♪

Come on! You're just being nice.

No, I'm drunk.

Dude! Stop messing around.

Hit the thingy!

♪ You're never gonna win ♪
♪ You're never gonna win ♪

See? I knew you were just being nice.

Oh, God! Thanks for that.

I'm good. I think I can drink my way out.

Our silences used to be comforting.

Please, tell me what I can say to convince you, "Say?" Helena, men walked in and tried to kill me.

Don't you get that? We're beyond what you can "say".

Do, then. There must be something I can do.

You can't just go away now.

I'd just got you back! How can I save this, Alistair?

Please tell me what I can do to protect our future together.

For you and me, there is no future.


Use this to test if they're my children.

If so, it will be up to them if I'm around at all.

If they're not mine, you will absolutely never see me again.

Don't do this! Don't throw away 30 years together.

It's not me who threw 30 years away on someone I thought I loved.

Please. Please stay. Don't go.

I will make everything that's happened up to you. Promise.

Even if it takes me another 30 years.

I can be your Helly again.

I can be your Helly forever now.

Just you and me, Alistair. Please.

Don't go.

Anything you want from me, just name it. Anything.

I'll leave the palace.

I'll... marry you. Anything.

All you need to do is find a way to make amends with your children before 30 years passes with them, too.

(Door slams)

Want a hug?

I admit doing the Drunk Tank this early in the night was a little impetuous.

Oh, you think?

I really wanted the robe.

Thing is, I know people around here and probably could have gotten you one.


Let's not make my bad decisions worse by applying logic to them.

There are plenty of dry clothes in my room, which you're welcome to.



In your room?

In my room.

And a shower?

There's one of those as well.

I wonder how many girls have heard the 'there's a change of clothes up in my room' bit.

I won't be the girl waiting for the guy to show.

Not really my thing.

I would never be the guy to stand you up.

Through there, all the way to the left.

I'll give you a few minutes, then come make sure you have everything you need.

[CONWAY: Big Talk]

♪ You got to follow me slow 'cause you can't relate... ♪

What's up? Everything okay?

I'm better than okay. I'm happy.

I just wanted to find a quiet place to tell you how grateful I am for all of this.

You don't have to keep saying that.

I don't know what else to do.

It's just so nice.

What can I do in return?

Just have a great time tonight. That's all.

How many drinks are you up to?

Ah... eleventeen? Ish?

(Laughs) Perfect.

And we're alone in here?

That's the idea.

You look so beautiful.

Can I be super girly for just, like, one second?

Yes, you can.

I can't believe I'm asking this, but, damn it, never mind. It's stupid.

Ask me. You can't do that.

What is it?

I was gonna ask if I could possibly wear it for...

I don't know.

I just got consumed by my 12-year-old girly self for a moment.

There's absolutely no way you can wear it!

(Whispers) Sorry, I had to say that for the guard.


There you go.


Doesn't look nearly as good on me.

Not that I'm surprised.

Oh, sh1t! I thought it was clasped.


Oh, my God.


I'm so, so sorry.

You better do it.

Have you ever seen anything so beautiful in your life?

Do you want the cheesy answer or the straight one?

The cheesy one.

I'm looking at her.

What's the straight answer?

I don't even know what I would have said.

I don't think that far ahead.

♪ I'm playing you slow, I'll bet you're sweet ♪
♪ I'm pulling you close under my feet... ♪

It's on.

♪ Now your heart is my symphony ♪
♪ I'm building you up to kick you down ♪
♪ How does it feel, oh, how does it feel, oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Now your heart is my symphony ♪
♪ Now your heart is my symphony ♪

You want to know the real reason I'm here?

Come with me. This is not a game.

I'm not going anywhere with you. Not any more.


Urgh! You locked me in with your tie?

No! You're not doing this!



What the hell is going on?

You need to tell her.

Hang on, you two know each other?

What are you doing down here? What is going on?

Unlock the gate!

One of you tell me what the hell is going on!

Mandy, why are you leaving? Did he threaten you?

Fine. You won't tell her?

Holy sh1t!

It's fake.

Okay, we need to get away from this maniac.

Before you had me arrested, you asked why I was really here.

Well, this is why.

I came here... We came here to rob you.


Mandy? Is this true?

Just let me the hell out of here!



This doesn't even belong to me.

It belongs to the people.

(Fireworks explode in distance)

If this was all just about taking things from me... here, take these.

Let her go.

It's now or never, babe.

(Fireworks in distance)

[JAMES BAY: Let It Go]

Samantha, stop!

Finally come to your senses?

I came for the diamonds. I'm taking them back to her.

Don't make me take them from you.

I promise you the last thing she wants right now is a keepsake of tonight. Now, are you coming or not?


Don't you realize that you'll never come back from this?

You might as well come with me.

No. No. It's not too late to fix this.

Come back to the palace with me. Just tell her that you changed your mind.

Tell her that, yeah, this may've been the original reason you came here, but once you got here and you got to know her, you fell in love with her.

And that literally nothing else matters because you'll give up everything just for a second chance with her.

♪ This is gonna bring us to our knees ♪

You are so screwed.

♪ So come on, let it go ♪

You really are sweet.

It always was your weakness.

♪ Why don't you be you ♪
♪ And I'll be me? ♪
♪ Everything that's broke... ♪

Youth is wasted on the young.

God knows, I wasted mine.

Then make the best of what's left.

You should tell everyone the truth about what's going on with you.

Nonsense. I don't need pity.

Not for pity. For honesty.

So people can see the real you, the whole you, like I see.

I think they will like you. Like they did tonight.

I don't need anyone to like me.

That's not true. You liked it when they liked you.

I don't know.

They liked YOU.

No, no.

They admired you.

And for a moment, it felt meaningful to you.

If you truly don't have much time left, do something meaningful with it.

What do you really want to do?

This is it.

♪ We're becoming something else ♪
♪ I think it's time to walk away ♪
♪ Come on, let it go ♪

I want to spend it with you.

♪ Just let it be ♪
♪ Why don't you be you ♪
♪ And I'll be me? ♪
♪ Everything that's broke ♪
♪ Leave it to the breeze ♪
♪ Why don't you be you ♪
♪ And I'll be me? ♪
♪ And I'll be me... ♪


Get out of my house.

♪ Trying to fit your hand inside of mine ♪
♪ When we know it just don't belong ♪
♪ There's no force on earth Could make it alright, no ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Trying to push this problem up the hill ♪
♪ When it's just too heavy to hold ♪
♪ Think now's the time to let it slide ♪
♪ So, come on, let it go, oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Just let it be ♪
♪ Why don't you be you ♪
♪ And I'll be me? ♪
♪ Everything that's broke ♪
♪ Leave it to the breeze ♪
♪ Let the ashes fall ♪
♪ Forget about me ♪
♪ Come on, let it go, oh-oh-oh... ♪


(Panicked cries)


(Smoke alarm bleeps)

Who are you? Why are you here?

What does that symbol on my necklace mean?

What do you want from me? I know it was you that night. Please, tell me!

Not now. We're being watched.

♪ From nervous touch and getting drunk ♪
♪ To staying up and waking up with you ♪
♪ Now we're sleeping near the edge ♪
♪ Holding something we don't need ♪
♪ Oh, this delusion in our heads ♪
♪ Is gonna bring us to our knees ♪
♪ So, come on, let it go ♪
♪ Just let it be ♪
♪ Why don't you be you ♪
♪ And I'll be me? ♪
♪ Everything that's broke ♪
♪ Leave it to the breeze ♪
♪ Why don't you be you ♪
♪ And I'll be me? ♪
♪ And I'll be me ♪
♪ From throwing clothes across the floor ♪
♪ To teeth and claws and slamming doors at you ♪
♪ If this is all we're living for... ♪

(Turns off music)

(Music resumes)

♪ From walking home and talking loads ♪
♪ To seeing shows in evening clothes... ♪

The Princess has had her fun but her clock just struck midnight, I'm afraid.

Go get my diamond and put it back.

Now on to more meaningful things.

♪ To staying up and waking up with you ♪
♪ Now we're sleeping near the edge ♪
♪ Holding something we don't need ♪
♪ Oh, this delusion in our heads ♪
♪ Is gonna bring us to our knees ♪
♪ So, come on, let it go ♪
♪ Just let it be ♪
♪ Why don't you be you ♪
♪ And I'll be me? ♪
♪ Everything that's broke ♪
♪ Leave it to the breeze ♪
♪ Let the ashes fall ♪
♪ Forget about me ♪
♪ Come on, let it go ♪
♪ Just let it be ♪
♪ Why don't you be you ♪
♪ And I'll be me? ♪
♪ And I'll be me ♪