02x02 - Jim Lahey Is a Drunk Bastard

[bunniefuu]

What the f*ck?

Don't give me a rough time, Julian. I'm working here.

I just want to talk to you.

What about?

What is up with this election for a new trailer park supervisor?

Oh, I don't know, you tell me.

You want to lose your job?

What job? This isn't a job.

I'm a sl*ve to this park. Always have been.

Kids throwing bottles, cars on fire...

I got no help anymore. Randy's gone.

You ask me if I care.

Come on.

Ask me! Go ahead! Ask me if I care!

Alright. Alright, alright. Do you care, Jim?

Yeah.

Yeah, go ahead, ask me.

I just asked you.

What?

What the f*ck are you doing?

What's this sign sh*t?

You haven't heard yet? I live here now, thanks to you and Julian, in some f*cking shitty camper.

And I'm running for trailer park supervisor.

How do you know this idiot?

It's a long f*cking story.

Remember last year when I got sh*t?

Ricky got sh*t a couple of times.

Sam was a veterinarian and Ricky didn't want to go to the cops.

Trinity sh*t him in the ass.

Yeah, so Sam took some b*ll*ts out of his ass.

They come to me and I tell them, "Hey, I'm a vet, not a doctor."

Sam can f*ck off. It's not my fault what happened.

I went to jail and the doctor started examining me.

And basically they asked, "Who sewed you up?"

It's such a butcher of a job. And I told them it was Sam.

I didn't know vets weren't allowed to work on humans and he would lose his practice.

Eight years. Eight years, I worked at that practice.

I had it built up nicely.

Now it's gone, paying fines and sh*t.

Sam lost everything and he's really pissed off at Ricky and Julian.

So now he feels like the next logical jump is to run a trailer park? You've got to be kidding.

Judging by the look of this place, I'm going to get elected trailer park supervisor.

And when I am, if you think Lahey made your life miserable, wait til you get a load of me.

Knock-knock!

Who's there?

f*ck off!

Hey, Lahey...

Hello, everybody!

Lahey, what the hell is going on here, man?

This place looks like the trailer park of the Apocalypse.

There are open car fires, for Christ sakes, Jimmy!

Nice to see you, Ray.

Oh, come on, Jimmy.

(The crowd is shouting at Lahey.)

Listen, I was unaware that I had an appointment with you fine people today.

It turns out that I have another engagement.

I plan to get drunk.

woman: Not again!

Thank you.

Randy quit and now Lahey, he started drinking.

Really heavy.

If you ask me, he really misses him.

You know, I've been the best assistant trailer park supervisor in this park.

I've been doing this for like 12 years.

Yeah, but you... Uh, hello! Blue bag. How many times...

Anyway, 12 years as the assistant.

Hello! You know, like, no talk of any kind of promotion no talk of any kind of more money, nothing.

Yeah, to make a long story short, I asked Mr. Lahey for a promotion to weekend trailer park supervisor but he didn't think I was ready for it.

And Lucy said I had to quit, so I did.

Randy was a damn good assistant trailer park supervisor.

Right-hand man. Hold the whole thing together.

Look what happens without him.

Now, I'm not saying that I can't handle it, but obviously... things happen.

And you see the results in the fruits of the happening.

Pass me the thirteen there, Bubs.

Thanks.

Julian, guess what, man?

Sarah found a perfect place for me to grow my dope.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Sarah.

You know the abandoned Airstream up there?

The cream-colored, old b*at off thing?

Yeah, it's perfect. There is a catch, though.

What?

Lahey owns the f*cking thing.

f*ck that, boys.

You think Lahey is going to do you two a favor?

Bubbles, could you go grab my lease agreement on top of the fridge?

Yup.

Thanks. Oh, grab me a pen and some Liquid Paper.

Yup.

I'm gonna go talk to Lahey.

Lahey's not gonna listen to you.

Ricky, Lahey is vulnerable right now, okay?

Let's go talk to Lahey.

Get in the other side, man.

Can I get in the front, Ricky?

No, Bubbles, get in the back.

I always get in the f*cking back!

I'm doing all the talking in here, alright?

What are you talking about? It's only f*cking Lahey.

I can do some talking.

Lahey's pissed drunk anyway.

Guys, we can't screw this up, alright? We need Lahey.

Do you understand, Ricky?

Lahey, open up! It's Julian!

Open up, Lahey!

Pass me those barbecue tongs.

[A dog is barking.]

Here, hold that.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey! Get in here!

Hey. What the hell's going on? Doesn't anybody knock anymore?

We've got to talk, Jim. It's about the election.

The vote is today.

Oh, it's today. Ask me if I care.

Oh, Jim... Guys, go in the kitchen for a minute, will ya please?

Well, can I make a sandwich or something?

Just go in the kitchen, Ricky, please.

I'll take a little bit of that, if that's alright.

Can you make me a meat sandwich?

Sure. I'm making something, unless someone stops me.

I know what's wrong, Jim.

You don't know what's wrong, Julian.

There's only ever been one trailer park supervisor and it's been you. You made this place, Jim.

You and Randy.

Yeah, I miss him.

I can't do my job without him by my side.

It's too late now. I let this park go to sh*t.

Sam will probably win this election for sure.

What would you say if I told you I can get you and Randy back together?

You know, we just get along together and we work well together.

And we were together for... as a couple, for a very short time.

And together we make a team.

And when the team gets f*cked, the park goes to sh*t. And it's too late.

If the election's today, I'm gonna win against Sam?

Listen...

Ricky: Lahey, you got any f*cking mayonnaise?

Ricky, I'm trying to talk to Lahey out here, okay?

Listen, I got a business proposal for you.

I'm going to break up Lucy and Randy and help you win that election.

All I want in return is that shitty old Airstream trailer.

I've got a lease here. Six months.

You just got to sign right there.

Initial right there.

That trailer?

Yes. Just sign right there, Jim.

And you'll break Randy and Lucy up?

It won't be a problem. I want to see you win this election.

You got to trust me on this one, Jim, okay?

Just stay off the booze.

What do you say?

You can do it.

Brilliant idea with this trailer. It's perfect.

Can't wait to get this dope operation up and running.

Compared to what I had before, it's gonna be way awesomer.

I'm, uh, I'm Barbara Lahey, and I'm actually the trailer park owner.

Jim Lahey is my, uh... my ex-husband, sad to say.

But he's been looking after this trailer park for some time, and has been doing a reasonable job up until now, I think.

Here you go, boys.

Home f*cking made hot dogs.

And there's plenty more of those where they came from.

Just get those signs up for me like you promised.

Oh, I got company.

Get out of here. Okay. Get those signs up.

Tell her to come right in, okay?

Hi, come on in.

Hi.

Watch your head.

Thank you.

Sam Losco? I'm Barbara Lahey, the park owner.

It's a pleasure to meet you. Please, sit down.

Thank you.

Mrs. Lahey, I asked you to come here because I wanted an opportunity to meet you, and I wanted you to know what Sam Losco was all about.

Right.

Mrs. Lahey, I love this trailer park and I want to make it the best trailer park in the entire world.

Oh, good. Well, I'm glad you are taking it seriously.

Absolutely.

I was very impressed.

I thought he really had a certain amount of integrity and I think, you know, that that's what this trailer park needs.

Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Lahey.

And I look forward to working for you.

Why don't you call me Barbara?

What are you guys doing?

We're helping Sam.

Yeah, man. We're going to get a chance to screw Lahey over.

You guys aren't doing well in the thinking department, are you?

Sam's a cave man and he's a d*ck.

And that makes you guys dicks cause you're promoting him.

He'll give us homemade hot dogs when we're finished putting the signs up.

I'm gonna give you some homemade f*ck offs right now.

Get rid of these stupid signs, you dummies.

Damn, dude, he kind of seemed okay.

Trust me, Sam's not a good guy. I've got a history with him, okay?

You guys stay away from him.

Can we still eat the hot dogs?

You guys are so stupid. Do you know that?

Sorry, dude.

Let's go. Smokes.

Let's go. Smokes.

You don't even smoke, Bubbles.

Gimme a smoke, hairdo!

I'm f*cking starting to run out.

Alright, listen up, everyone.

We've got four hours to get this man re-elected.

I need some ideas, I need them quick.

We could do some more signs and sh*t, dude.

We've been doing that all day.

Yeah, we could do that.

I'll just get my sledge hammer.

Why don't you shut the f*ck up and let someone with a brain talk? Smokes, let's go.

Corey, Trevor, take Mr. Lahey back up to his place and get him cleaned up. Make sure he looks good, alright?

You hear me, Trevor?

Yeah, I heard you.

What did I say?

Make sure that Mr. Lahey looks good.

Alright, get out of here.

Alright, dude. Later.

Oh, I got an idea, man.

People just need to hear that bald head m*therf*cker speak about the park and he's sure to win.

Everybody knows how much he loves the park, man.

Tyrone's right. Get Mr. Lahey to make a speech, remind everybody how much he cares about the park.

If Lahey's gonna do a speech, then Sam should do one too. Democratic.

Maybe get some media on this sh*t. Show them two m-f*ckers on the hop box, m-f*ckers in the park.

Understand who's fronting. Know what I'm saying?

What the f*ck did you say?

We gotta get some videotape on that Louis Delgrande looking m*therf*cker and throw that bitch up on the Channel 7 news. You understand?

There not going to do TV coverage on us in four hours.

Julian, Channel 10 will. The local channel.

That's their job, local stuff.

f*ck, I know a bunch of guys who work at Channel 10.

Used to buy dope off me.

Do you think they'll do it?

Those guys will do anything for weed. I'm telling you.

Get on the phone with these Channel 10 guys.

See if they'll do it for one ounce of BC Hydro.

Check, one, two. Check, one two.

Must be in a rock band or something, are ya?

Know what I'm saying? Know what I'm saying?

Damn, dude. Don't you have any clean clothes, man?

This is nuts.

No, I actually don't.

But I really appreciate this.

Okay, you gotta go out to the clotheslines out back or something and steal something off a line.

And get something professional, make him look good.

Cause he doesn't look good.

And while you're there, just run down to the LC and get me a little drink. Just a drink.

Just one little drink for courage.

I'm going to get the clothes off the clothesline.

I'll clean him up.

LC!

You gotta look better than this. You gotta talk to people.

This is perfect.

Okay, that's got to go, too.

That's ridiculous. And don't breathe on me.

Hey, Randy.

I gotta talk to you about something. Lucy here?

No, she went to town to get her hair dyed.

Come on in.

Alright, listen up, Randy. I know this is going to hurt you but I gotta be straight up with you because we've known each other a long time and we're, kind of like, you know... we've known each other a long time, alright?

Lucy is only with you to make Ricky jealous.

Oh, that's not true. She says she loves me.

Listen...

I was talking to Lahey today.

He's a mess. This park's a mess.

He told me he can't do his job without you.

He needs you right now.

He said that?

Yes, he did. Why don't you go down to this election today, make an appearance, show him some support?

I can't. I've got to do the dishes, vacuum--

Randy, no. You've got to be there in person, okay?

Lahey's a mess.

But Julian, I've got to do the kitty litter--

No, Randy, Randy, Randy... Lahey needs you, okay?

♪ Green shirted white boy rolling around ♪
♪ He rolling round the city he rolling round the town ♪
♪ He rolling on a bike with a banana seat ♪
♪ He dissen' all the m*therf*ckers hosing meat ♪
♪ He rolling on his bike he going to the store ♪

What's going on, Julian?

What's going on?

Listen, boys, this is the deal.

I need some shrooms. What can you guys do for me?

We'll get you some shrooms. You know what I'm saying?

Wait, let me axe you something.

How long you known the J-Roc and the Rock Pile?

J-Roc can get a m-fucker anything a m-fucker gonna ask for.

Ain't that right, T?

Anything.

Alright, I need them within an hour. Can you guys do it?

Aye, dog!

This is important boys, alright?

Alright.

We come back in five minutes.

What are we going to do with the other 55 minutes?

That's how f*cking hard the Rock Pile is, hard as f*ck!

Hey, Julian.

Hey, where's Lahey at?

Corey!

Check out Mr. Lahey.

Did you idiots let him drink?

To Sunnyvale Trailer Park!

I just picked up a bottle when I went to take the clothes off the clothesline for the election.

Jim, Jim, Jim, come on.

I just need a couple for courage.

Jim, you've had enough, alright. This is important. Come on.

It's for my nerves, Julian.

It's alright.

Guys, get him in there and get some coffee into him.

Ten more years, Julian. Ten more years.

Alright. He looks good, okay. Just sober him up.

What are your thoughts on the incumbent in this election?

On the what?

The incumbent.

What are you doing using your big school words?

Just use normal people words and I'll understand you.

What are your thoughts on the election here, at Sunnyvale?

Well, Jim Lahey can be a real pain in the ass.

Everybody knows that about f*cking Lahey, but uh...

He took care of this park for years. He loved this park.

But it's gone to rat sh*t now, you can see that for yourself.

So we got to get rid of him. We need a change.

Magic mushrooms?

Shhhh!

That's what you want for a trailer park supervisor? Look at him!

Jim, breathalyzer.

I only had 2 drinks, officer.

Let's go. Breathalyzer. Come on.

[woman]: Bottle kids!

I got you now. There you go. There you go. Where you going now?

Nowhere to run now, guys.

Now tell me, people.

Do you really want a drunken idiot for trailer park supervisor, or a man who produces results?

[crowd cheering]

Now how long have you been trying to catch those bottle-smashing kids?

Too long!

I'm not even elected yet and I already produced a result for you!

Sam Losco, your next trailer park supervisor!

[crowd cheering]

I'm your man!

[crowd]: Sam! Sam! Sam!

We're f*cked now, boys.

Guys, just let him stay and make his speech and then take him away.

It's not like he k*lled someone. He just had a couple of drinks.

Big deal.

He could've k*lled someone.

You know what we think about drinking and driving around here.

There's a pretty good chance you and the city could be sued over this if you take him away right now and ruin the election.

Look at the money that's been spent around here.

But I guess you guys got insurance for sh*t like that, lawsuits and everything, right guys?

Come on, just a few minutes. That's all we're asking.

Then you can take him away.

It's probably easier than going to court, but it's up to you, I guess.

He gets to make his speech.

Take him. Bring him back when he's done.

He's coming with us. Jake...

That's all we're asking, guys.

Thanks, guys.

You wouldn't have an extra cigarette?

No, I don't have an extra cigarette.

Alright, boys, here's your chance, alright?

You know what to do.

Hurry up.

Concentrate on your speech. This is important, alright?

Have you seen Randy around?

I was talking to him earlier.

He's not coming, is he?

Everything's going to be okay.

He's going to show up, alright? Keep it together, Jim.

What do you think you're doing?

Sorry man, it was an accident.

Well there's no sense you guys pushing me.

Bubbles: It was my fault.

I can't believe you want me to win.

I don't trust either of you f*ckers.

Thank you all for coming out today. Right now, each of the candidates will address you, the residents of Sunnyvale.

And right now, it gives me great pleasure to introduce the first speaker and the challenger: Mr. Sam Losco.

[cheering and booing]

Thank you, thank you.

And hello again, everyone.

Good afternoon, everyone. I'm happy to be here.

And I plan on making big changes in this trailer park.

Now, my number one priority is to clean up the criminal activity in this park and those responsible for it.

And you know who I'm talking about.

Why don't you go f*ck yourself, you f*cking d*ck?!

You're not even from this park.

I'm just getting started, boy.

You just wait.

We'll see about that, you d*ck.

Now I plan on working hand in hand with the poli... people in this park and the police departure, we're...

This is f*cked up.

I'll look at Ricky's ass after you t...

No. You get that lawn mower...

[man]: You're on f*cking dr*gs!

[Bubbles]: Sam's on dr*gs, everybody.

[J-Roc]: Nobody can understand what you're saying!

[Sam]: No...

[Ricky]: Hey, Sam, knock-knock!

Who's there?

Get the f*ck off the stage, you idiot!

I gotta go.

That was a great f*cking speech Sam. Whoo!

Test.

Test.

Test.

[man]: Get off the stage, you drunk bastard!

Who in this park... or even who in the whole world doesn't have problems?

Who doesn't have a drink too many times once in a while and maybe even winds up passed out in their own driveway pissing themselves. Huh?

I mean, seriously...

Who doesn't have a little puff from time to time?

Or who doesn't have problems with the people they love, hey, Randy?

Everybody?

And I apologize for my neglect of the things that are most important to me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Cause this park... it's the most important thing in my life and it always will be and so will all of you.

Cause this is our home! This is our community!

I am Jim Lahey and I am your trailer park supervisor.

Thanks for coming...

Randy...

Everybody.

Just give me one more second.

Randy!

Great speech, Mr. Lahey.

Thanks, Randy.

Listen, uh...

I missed you.

And I've been thinking that uh... if you'll come back and work with me, I'll promote you to weekend trailer park supervisor.

Weekend park supervisor?

Yeah.

What about you and Lucy?

As of this second, Mr. Lahey, Lucy and I are through.

Look, I gotta go and deal with this drinking and driving bullshit.

Until I get back, I want you to supervise this park.

Supervise the park?

You can do it, Randy.

Okay, Mr. Lahey.

Come on, Jim, let's go.

I'm Steve Rodgers, Channel 10 news.

Here are the results of the Sunnyvale Trailer Park election.

The winner of the election for trailer park supervisor is Jim Lahey.

Whoo!

Right on!

Good job, you guys.

We did it!