01x03 - Girl Meets Sneak Attack

( Theme music playing )

Hey, honey, what's for breakfast?

Hey, honey, what's for breakfast?

Aw, it looks like Auggie's trying to be daddy's little man.

Yeah, so come over here and give papa a smooch.

Oh yeah, come over here and give papa a smooch.

No, I am in the middle of a case, I have to be at the courthouse early and I really can't have shaving cream...

Oh... all over my face.

Nice job.

Pleasure doing business with you.

( Laughs )

( Buzzes )



Those are my friends.

I love my friends.

It's a sunny day. I love a sunny day.

I love my friends. I love my family.

( Buzzes )

I love a sunny day.

I even love going to school.

Okay, what's going on with her?

I don't know. Don't do anything.

I'm in a good mood.

This life thing? I think I got it down.

Maya, oatmeal.

No thanks, Mrs. Matthews.

Oh, I wasn't asking.


Farkle, you too.

Thank you.

But my mother already made me eggs, home fries, wheat toast, marmalade and a strawberry shaped like a star.

I'm going to the Farkle's. Who's with me?!

Sit down. Eat it please.

But it's still this.

Hey, Auggie, guess what.

It's Googly time.

No TV at the table.

You're right, Topanga. This table is about the discussion of today's events only.


I woke up.

I love everything. I sat here.

All caught up. Googly time!

( With TV ): ♪ Here comes Mr. Googly ♪
♪ and his foogly boogly friends. ♪

( Clicks off )

All: Hey!

I'm too old for "Mr. Googly."


But, Auggie, Mr. Googly is your best friend.

Auggie, I'm your foogly boogly best friend.

Can I tell you a secret?

Of course. You can tell Mr. Googly all your secrets.

I have a new best friend now.

Oh really? Who would that be?

I don't want to tell you who she is.

All: She?

I said too much.

Okay, why don't you tell Mr. Googly all about your new best friend and none of us will listen.

I'm this many. I'm done with you now.


They grow up so fast.

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ for a day like this to come ♪
♪ struck like lightning ♪
♪ my heart's beating like a drum ♪
♪ on the edge of something wonderful ♪
♪ face to face with changes ♪
♪ what's it all about? Life is crazy ♪
♪ but I know I can work it out ♪
♪ 'cause I got you to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing go-o-o" ♪
♪ oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world. ♪
♪ I'm singing go-o-o."♪

( School bell rings )

I was so worried about this new school year.

New school, new people, I didn't think I was going to survive.

Not only am I surviving, I'm thriving.

I'm like a plant going like this...

What was I so worried about?

What are you doing? Oh, but this is too easy.

It's Maya. I know because I saw you put your hand over my face.

I'll do you now.

Oh, that's not the game.

What's the game?

The game is protect the plant from the bulldozer in the pink sweater.

Oh, Maya, bulldozers don't wear pink...


You okay?

( Thunks )


Oh, look what the bulldozer did to you.

There are other girls in this world.

There are.

And other girls, like Missy Bradford, are going to talk to Lucas.

They are.

I don't like that.

I know.

I wish the world was just me and you.

Then it is.

Sneak attack... December 7th, 1941.

"A date which will live in infamy."

A date? They're going on a date?

In Italy?

No, honey.

You're in History.

I'm history?

Okay, put your hand up.

Yes, Riley?

You have a pertinent observation on the subject of the sneak attack?

"May I be excused?"

My eyes see my shoes.

Yes, Riley, you may be excused.


No, you have to come back to class at some point, honey.

You just have to.

It was another sunny day in paradise before the sneak attack that changed everything.

Do you like the movies? Dark at the movies.

Depends on the movie. Depends who I'm going with.

Mm, scary movies? I get scared at scary movies.

You'll take care of me though, right?

People who had viewed themselves as safe no longer had any security at all.

Just you and me, Missy?

Just you and me, Lucas.


( Giggles )


That's the best you got?

Please be cool, please be cool, please be cool.

You don't think that I can do boop?

How bad do you think this is gonna be?

I think we should have some faith in our Riley.

I can do boop like you've never seen.


Does anybody see this?

Everybody sees this.

Take your finger out!

Can't. Can't move. Scared.

Do you think Lucas knows?

Riley, I've never seen anything like this before.

I don't know what's going to happen.


Boy, Riley.

I don't think I could do that even if I tried.

Hey, Maya, boop.

Oh no.

The bombing of Pearl Harbor was our official entrance into a world at war, and nothing would ever be the same.

You want me to bring you lunch?


Food would only keep me alive.

Come on, little plant. Come back into the sun.

I'm afraid something terrible will happen if I ever come out of here.

Riley, that's crazy.

Nothing could be worse than what's already happened.

Oh, there you are.

I've been looking for you. You're not upset with me, are you?

Because I didn't hear that you and Lucas were together or anything.

We're not.

Hmm, yeah, that's what I thought. So if you're not, then it's not a problem if I ask Lucas out, because he's really cute. Don't you think?

I loathe you.

Well, Lucas doesn't.

In fact, I think he's kind of into me.


I live here now.

Come on, P.J. time.

No, thank you.

Oh come on, what's tonight's thing?

No more P.J.s.

But they have Mr. Googly on them.

I can't wear those anymore.

Why not?

Because she won't like them.

Hey, I'm the only she" who gets to see you in your pajamas.

You never know.


Do us a favor and don't grow up so fast, okay?

I need to. I need to grow up and go to bed like daddy does.

( Laughs )

How does daddy go to bed?

Like this.

Ho, mama!

I don't do that.

Yeah, you do.

Every night.

Yeah, but I do it better than that.

If you say so.

Auggie, can I at least have my good-night kiss?


We're not going to do that anymore.

It's tonight's thing.

Kissing's for babies. Men shake hands.

Good night, Father. Good night, Mother.

What's happening?

Don't take it personally, Cory.

He thinks he's being an adult.

How can he be an adult? I'm not an adult!

Auggie, please, take Mr. Googly, okay?


♪ I'm singing go-o-o" ♪
♪ oh oh oh oh. ♪

I think of this as a personal challenge issued by Missy Bradford to grow up and to grow up fast.

So what do I do?


Give me advice. You're a genius at this.

Grow me up.


Because everybody else is.

That's not the way I see it.

How can you see it any other way?

Missy Bradford has decided to grow up fast.

That has nothing to do with you.

But what if Lucas takes her to a scary movie?

"I get scared at scary movies. You'll take care of me, won't you?"

Barf! Barf, I say!

Riley, do you want Lucas to take you to the movies?

Alone? I don't know if I'm ready for that.

Then what do you want from him?

I don't know.

I just... I don't want him with her.

Am I jealous?

You wouldn't know how to be jealous.

I just... I don't want him taken away from us.

She's bad news. Teach me how to flirt.

Not gonna do that.

Why not?

I don't even know how to flirt.

Who our age knows how to flirt?

Hello, ladies.

Farkle, you were out there?

I'm always out there.

Farkle, you're the biggest flirt in seventh grade.

Why, thank you.

Can you teach me how to flirt with Lucas?

I would do whatever you asked me.

But I thought you loved her.

I love both of you. I want you happy.

So you think he'll sit with us or her?

I try not to worry about things I have no control over.

Really? Because that's all I do.

Hey, can I sit with you guys?

You better.

So you think he'll sit with us or her?

Hey, what's up? Is there a seat with you guys?

Always room for you, buddy.

I said buddy." I'm not helping myself, am I?

Well, you know, I was just thinking that if you and I are going to the movies together, I should find out what kind of snacks you like so I could buy some for you.


( Laughs )

I wouldn't want you paying for everything.

You're toast.

I know.

Are you saying she flirts better than you?

Oh, nobody's better than Farkle.

I just don't think my young protege is ready for that monster.

So what are you gonna do, genius?

I think I'll just steal her from Lucas myself.

You would do that for me?

Well, I'm certainly not doing it for me, toots.

She's evil. If I'm not back in two minutes, she ate me.

How's my hair?

It hasn't changed in six years.

She doesn't stand a chance.

Hello, lady.


Why go to the movies with a boy when you can go with a man?


Wow, look at you.

You're next.

It worked. I'm next.

Riley, she's too good. You can't compete with her.

I don't want them together. I don't.




I don't know what's going on here and I don't have any right to say this, but I don't think you should hang out alone with this girl.

Why not?

I don't really know, I think if you actually spend time with her alone it's gonna change things for... you know, all of us.

Well, aren't you just a concerned friend?

Yeah, I am.

Well, with you around, how could I ever possibly get Lucas alone?

Food fight!


No food fight!

Detention this afternoon, both of you!

Oh no, both of us...


How could you do that, Dad?

What did I do?

You gave them detention together.

I was the cafeteria monitor.

I saw potatoes not where potatoes are supposed to be.

Detention him, detention her.

But Lucas didn't even do anything.

Don't care. I'm mad with power.

Then I want detention too.

You do?

Riley, you've never had detention in your whole life.

What could you possibly do that would get you detention on such short notice?

I could introduce you to my special guest star.


Nothing personal, bub.

( Groans )

( Sputters gibberish )

Yeah, that'll do it.

Nice job.

Pleasure doing business with you.

♪ Oh oh oh oh. ♪

Oh my gosh, look at you.

How's my breath?

( Exhales )

Ooh, like flowers. How'd you do that?

I ate your flowers.



You're an older woman, right?

Okay, where is this going?

I have an older woman coming over.

Her name is Ava, she likes cheese and I'm in love with her.

Really? Where is Ava from?

She's from down the hall.

Do you think you could find some cheese and make yourself scarce?

- ( Doorbell rings )

Too late, she's here.

I'll g-g-g... I'll g-g-g...

Okay okay okay, calm down.

Women like it when you're calm. Just take a deep breath, okay? And then open the door.

I can't wait to meet your older woman.

Hi, Auggie.

Hi, Ava.

This is my mommy.

It's so nice to meet you, Ava.

You got cheese? I like cheese.

So I've heard.

So, um, Ava?

How old are you?

I'm this many.

I see. Older woman.

Yeah, because Auggie's this many.

Yeah, but you like him anyway, right?


How come?

Because this many tells this many what to do.


I'm okay with it, Mom.


Because I have some thoughts.

Is that a Mr. Googly?


I think it is.

It's not mine. I'm too old for it.

- I want it!

What? Ava...

Why would you want a Mr. Googly?

You're this many.

I love Mr. Googly.

I'm taking him.

But you're all growed up.

I don't care. He's mine now.

( Laughs )

Actually, Ava, what you're gonna do is give Mr. Googly back to Auggie.

Why would I do that?

Because I'm this many and this many gets to tell this many what to do.

Do you like rides?


Oh great! Let's take a ride all the way back to your house!

Bye-bye, Auggie.

Bye-bye, Ava.

Okay, bye-bye, Ava.



So what'd you think of her?

How you doing?

What are you doing here?

Oh, I'm a bad girl.

Yeah, you don't want to mess with this one.

( Scoffs )

What are these, place cards?

Yep, I made them. You sit over there.

I think this seat has my name on it, actually.

All right, guys. I like my detention to have a little learning in it.

So I'd like to continue talking about Pearl Harbor and what happened after the sneak attack.

The world was at war and alliances were forged in battle and were made stronger because of that.

What is this place?

It's detention, Farkle. It's not for you.

If my friends are in it, then it's for me.

During this war the United States was put to one of its greatest tests when it met a threat to our way of life.

But because we were united we prevailed.

Hey, Riley?

Missy invited me to see a movie with her.

I think she's aware of that, Lucas.

No need to make her feel worse.

And I was wondering if maybe you guys would like to come along with us?

You want us?

Uh uh, I'm sorry, Lucas.

That wasn't the invitation.


Well then, I'm sorry, Missy, but I can't go.

Missy: What are you talking about?

Nobody's ever turned me down in my life.

Well, see, these are my friends.

And I don't like doing anything without my friends.

Right, Riley?



Now I certainly appreciate your wanting me to care of you during a scary movie, and you showing me your leg and all, but back here in the seventh grade, I think maybe we'd have more fun just hanging out together.


Grow up.



Oh, she's leaving? Okay.



You know what the easiest thing about having friends is?


Sometimes all you have to do is trust them.

When peace time came, the United States enjoyed its greatest period of growth, prosperity and happiness.

Detention over.

You guys coming?

No, we're good right here.

Good night, Mother. Good night, Father.

I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with this.

Now you listen to me, kid.

You take these jammies and you wear them.

And you take Mr. Googly and you hold on to him for as long as you can.


Because he's your friend, you can trust him and he loves you.


Yeah, he does.

And, Auggie, it's very important that you hold onto your friends.

And, Auggie, stay this many for as long as possible, 'cause when it's gone, it's gone.

Good night, buddy.

You want one?


Then you have to catch me!

You want one?


Then you have to catch me!

Oh, mama!