01x05 - Girl Meets the Truth

Eyes, look your last.

Arms, take your last embrace.

And, lips, oh, you the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss.

Back off!

What meanest thou?

Spear carrier...

Who havest no lines.

You tried to kiss my woman.

This I cannot allow. Prepare to die!

Lucas: Farkle, what are you doing?

It's "Romeo and Juliet."

Well, now it's "Romeo and Juliet and Farkle."

I play Farkle.

Dude, I'm supposed to kiss the girl.

Shakespeare said.

Who thinks the spear carrier should finally get to kiss Juliet?

(Cheering)

Yeah, you kiss that girl, you crazy spear carrier.

Hark! You cometh uppeth here and getteth kissed too.

(All cheering)

Thank you, thank you.

You're too kind, seriously.

How you doing?

I just don't understand how we end up in situations like this.

(Applause)

(Silence)

(Claps)

(All clapping)

Thank you. Thank you, Farkle nation!

Farkle, come here.

Maya, don't. He thinks he was good.

Yeah, I'm gonna fix that.

But you can't tell him the truth.

You'll crush him.

Oh, I can tell him the truth.

It's you who can't tell him the truth because you're afraid.

I'm not afraid. I'm nice.

You're saying I'm not nice?

No, I'm afraid to say that.

Tell him the truth. You know Farkle.

You know what will happen if you don't.

Farkle.

You were so... what are the best words?

He killed the play. Those are the words.

Those are the only words. You killed the play.

Tell him.

What? What does she mean?

She means you killed it, Farkle.

Killed it! Showbiz talk.

I actually I thought I ruined the play.

If you would've told me I ruined the play, I would have believed you.

I would have been crushed, but I would've believed you.

(Sighs) How could I crush one of the best actors working in middle school today?

I'm a good actor? What if I'm better than good?

What if I'm great? What if I'm the greatest actor who ever lived, and I never knew it?

That would be sad. Wah. It's okay, it's okay.

I was acting.

Thanks, Riley, my public awaits.

Hello, everybody!

You can't lie to him, Riley.

You're gonna break our little Farkle.

Oh, I will not. I didn't do anything.

This will all go away.

- (Jazz music playing)

(Tapping)

And I think...

You broke him.

(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ for a day like this to come ♪
♪ struck like lightning ♪
♪ my heart's beating like a drum ♪
♪ on the edge of something wonderful ♪
♪ face to face with changes ♪
♪ what's it all about? Life is crazy ♪
♪ but I know I can work it out ♪
♪ 'cause I got you to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing go-o-o" ♪
♪ oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world. ♪

Nice locket.

You likey?

If history's about discovering the truth of what happened in the past, we spend some time finding out what truth is.

Where'd you get the nice locket?

Shh, I come here to learn.

(Both laugh)

All through history, people have suffered consequences for telling the truth.

Is that real gold?

Don't know.

Doesn't matter.

They all suffered dearly for having the courage to tell the truth.

So sometimes it's better not to?

But aren't there consequences for that too, sir?

Yes, there are, Mr. friar.

But in my experience with the universe, no matter what you do, the truth always finds a way of coming out.

(Bell rings)

(Students chatter)

So... where'd you get the locket?

France.

You were in France?

Si, senor.

You didn't go to France because if you went to France, you would have brought me back a croissant.

Bing.

Ooh.

Piping hot.

Wait a minute.

Where did you really get this?

I found it on the street.

Bleah!

Come on, where'd you get the locket?

My father sent it to me.

He did?

You don't believe me?

Did you just tell me?

I just told you.

Then I believe you.

So this is over?

Like it never happened.

I do, however, have one question for the locket.

Where'd you get the Maya?!

You don't believe my father sent this to me?

Why don't you just tell me?

Why don't you just call me a liar?

Why don't you just tell me the truth?

Oh, you think that's important?

I do.

Did you think Farkle was good in the play?

(Melodramatic gasp)

I want to skip ahead in your truth lesson.

Is it okay to tell a little white lie to spare somebody's feelings?

No.

My feelings?

No.

Then always truth.

Well, what do we have here?

Chicken.

I'll tell you right now, Topanga, this was never a chicken.

Why don't you just eat it, honey.

I'm looking forward to hearing what you think of it after.

Oh, great teller of the truth, please demonstrate how you're going to get out of this one.

(Cracking)

Psst, what'd you get?

S'ghetti and meatballs.

Ooh, yum.

Yum that!

Why this me?! Why yum him?!

All right, fine, I'll eat it.

Here we go.

Have we prayed? Have we prayed as a family?

We haven't done that in a while.

Go ahead, pray.

Oh, I'll pray.

The world is a beautiful place...

Full of many beautiful things.

Look what she did to your chicken!

Eat your dinner, honey.

Okay.

I'll see you soon.

(Sighs, laughs)

Well, what do you think?

Um, you know, from eating this chicken, I'll tell you right now how this chicken died.

It ate this chicken.

You know, daddy, sometimes when I don't want to eat something, mommy feeds it to me like it was an airplane.

(Mimics motor whir)

And I like that.

That's very sweet, Auggie, but daddy's a little too old for mommy to feed him.

(Chuckles)

(Mimics motor whirring)

There's a serious pigeon following me.

How you doing?

Hey, here's a new thing. Where'd you get the locket?

He's a very sneaky pigeon, but I'm onto him.

Because it's gold, it's expensive, and my curiosity gets the better of me.

So I ducked behind the tree to fake out the pigeon.

And you know who came over?

A squirrel.

I didn't say hello though, because I was already in my thing with the pigeon.

I need to know if you're stealing things.

You don't think my Dad sends me stuff?

Maya, you've cried to me because your Dad doesn't send you stuff.

Sometimes I walk around the village and I pass stores and I look in windows at things I know I'll never have.

So one day, I saw this sitting in a lost-and-found basket.

Do you think it's right that somebody loses something so beautiful and never comes back for it?

Who knows? I don't have a criminal mind.

I don't think like you people.

I walked by the window for months.

Nobody claimed the locket, okay?

It sat there like a kid that has no... like an orphan.

So I claimed it. It's mine now.

It's not.

You took something that doesn't belong to you.

How come you don't tell Farkle the truth, but you have no trouble telling me?

(Warbles)

And you stop judging me.

Hey, my father tells my mother the truth, even when he knows she's gonna shove a chicken in his face.

Sorry I missed it.

Yep, I was thinking about you.

Thanks.

'Cause I love you.

I love you too.

Then why do you want to end up in the slammer?

Here we go.

You won't do well in the slammer.

I will so.

You won't pack right.

And you'll forget to bring shower shoes and you'll take somebody else's from the lost-and-found.

And I think...

You're gonna get toe fungus!

And I think you deserve to get toe fungus because they're not your shower shoes.

(Cries) They're not!

That's adorable.

I think you're a thief.

That's not.

You think I'm afraid to tell people the truth?

I'm not, and I now await your praise.

Maya?

I got something to say to you.


♪ I can't hear you ♪
♪ Baddada dadaa dadaa... ♪

I'm talking to you.

(Singing nonsense words)

(Singing continues)

♪ Da da dadaa ♪
♪ Whata whata whata, waa waa waa ♪

(Singing continues)

♪ And... ♪

Go.

Whether or not you're a thief, or not a thief, or you stole the locket or you didn't, it doesn't belong to you.

It belongs to somebody else.

And you have to tell the truth about it because you are upsetting the universe.

And the universe is going to have the truth come out anyway.

And what about you? When are you gonna tell the truth to Farkle?

I hardly think the universe is upset with me for being nice to Farkle.

I mean, what could possibly go wrong there?

Hey, chess club, you can move king's knight to bishop six and then you can eat it!

'Cause I quit the chess club 'cause I'm an actor, 'cause Riley said so.

'Cause Riley said so.

Hey, chemistry club, you know what you get when you put sodium and chlorine together?

You're a bunch of losers!

Farkle!

Riley.

You changed my life. The Farkle you knew is gone.

I am now...

(Dramatically) Farkle!

♪ Whata whata what ♪
♪ What could possibly go wrong? ♪
♪ Whata whata what could possibly go wrong? ♪

I'm looking at this book.

It's a cookbook about chickens.

You want to do this?

I do.

Kiss kiss?

Nope nope.

Want to see where this goes.

Me too. So...

Topanga, look at all these recipes about chicken with pictures.

Fried chicken, barbecued chicken...

Uh-huh, right, got it.

Orange chicken, chicken a la king.

Sure, right.

Chicken marsala, teriyaki chicken.

Great, sure.

General tso's chicken, chicken tikka masala!

Your point?

Well...

Topanga, I think you must admit I have been very careful to span the gamut of many international chicken selections.

If you stop right now, nothing bad will happen to you.

Braised chicken...

Uh-huh.

Right, sure.

Chicken cordon bleu, chicken pot pie.

Auggie, you've been watching us, right?

Your thoughts on the subject?

Good luck.

Look, honey, it's Auggie's big book of dinosaurs.

Look at that. Wow.

Look, and right here on page...

Nine is your chicken.

It's a pterodactyl.

Now it says here it died out over 65 million years ago.

That might explain why your chicken was a little dry.

Oh.

This is nice.

Oh, are we taking a walkie?

Yeah, we're taking a walkie.

You see, honey, my truth is that from the moment I met you...

I adored you.

And there is nothing you could do or say that could ever change that.

You're locking me out of the house now, aren't you?

(Excitedly) That's right! That's exactly what I'm gonna do!

- (Knocks on window)

Maya?

Nope, me.

(Sighs) Told more truths, did ya?

Well, the thing I probably should have mentioned is I've never understood the universe at all.

The universe is upside down.

I lied to Farkle, he loves me.

I told Maya the truth, she went out the window.

Upside down! You here me?

(Creaking)

Hey.

Well, now she's back.

Maybe it's not as upside down as you think.

It's a nice locket, Maya.

Thanks, Mr. Matthews.

It looks like someone else's expensive gold locket.

Maybe it is.

But, you know, I don't think that matters to Maya at all.

You don't?

You know, it's an interesting thing about lockets.

It's usually what's in the inside that matters most to people.

Isn't that right, Maya?

Yeah, okay.

Please don't tell anyone this is how I live in my own house.

What's inside the locket, Maya, that's so important to you?

Who is this family?

I don't know.

(Breathes deeply) A father, a mother and a little girl.

I just like that they're all together.

I'm keeping it.

Oh, boy.

She's at the front door too.

It's like there's two of her.

(Mimics motor whir)

(Cory screams)

So what do we do now? Just sit here or what?

Hey, Dad. Can you tell me why I kind of think trying to help Farkle may have been wrong and maybe Maya should keep the locket?

I should?

Maybe.

Is it me that's upside down?

You know what, girls?

The universe is the most confusing place you'll ever live.

But if you listen carefully, you'll find out that it's paying attention and that it cares about you.

Is that the truth?

It's the only one I'm still sure of.

Hey, Auggie, is that for me, buddy?

I made it for you.

Oh, Auggie, thank you so much.

Thank you.

Look at this, ooh.

This looks good.

It's... it's cold s'ghetti.

I know it's better warmer, but I don't know how to do that.

Auggie, I appreciate that you did anything for me at all.

You said that very nice.

Why didn't you say it that way to mom?

What? But all I did was tell mom the truth.

Then why do you get cold s'ghetti?

Both: Whoa.

Whoa.

Auggie, are you saying the truth doesn't matter as much as how you treat people?

Auggie, are you saying that the truth does matter, but you should tell it to people warmly?

Maya: Auggie, are you saying that the universe pays attention to me?

Do you people realize that I'm only this many?

Farkle, I need to talk to you.

I've been looking all over for you.

Farkle.

Farkle's gone.

He gave up the chess club. He gave up the chemistry club.

What happened?

You happened.

You told me I was good.

Well, I just auditioned for the next play.

Are you gonna be in the next play?

I'm not even allowed to watch the next play.

I'm sorry you stink.

I'm sorry I could never hurt you.

I'm sorry you stink.

I heard you!

Well, it was very important.

(Sighs)

You made me think I was this great actor.

You filled me up with confidence that I was really special.

You made me think I could go after something totally unrealistic.

Farkle...

Thank you.

Mmmm...

Mwuah!

Well...

That happened.

Is it over?

Can we talk about this?

No.

Because that was your first kiss and it was with Farkle.

He missed.

Still counts.

Now for the rest of your life when people ask you, "hey, Riley, who was your first kiss?" You're gonna have to say...

Eyes, look your last.

Oh, yeah!

Arms, take your last embrace.

And, lips, oh, you the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss.

Hi.

Hi.

How long you been here?

Yeah, I saw the whole thing.

I just can't believe that little guy stole my moment... Again.

You thought that was your moment?

No.

Oh.

My moment will be my moment.

(Sighs)

(Giggles)

How you doing?

I like that we end up in situations like this.

You're doing the right thing, returning the locket to the store.

I guess so.

Maya, I know how much you want a locket with a family inside it.

You want the truth?

Yes, please.

My father hasn't sent me anything in a long time.

And the universe is probably much too busy to notice whether or not I'm doing the right thing.

Hi.

I think this belongs to you.

Oh my gosh.

I've been looking all over for that.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Never lose this.

A cool universe, huh?

(Tapping)

(Sighs) Hi, Auggie.

Don't blow this.

Hi.

How you doing, honey?

So...

You remember that time you were really mad at me?

You mean right now?

Yeah. Yeah, that one.

Listen, can I tell you the truth about something?

It doesn't really matter what you make for dinner.

It's that you are in our house with me.

Thank you for being in our house with me.

There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

Kiss kiss?

Because you love me?

Yes.

And because it quiets you down.