01x06 - Girl Meets Popular

Look what's happening, look what's coming.

What's coming, crazy?

Invitations...

To the seventh grade parties.

It's begun.

We could be party girls.

I'm going to need a party-girl walk.

Yeah, that's not it.

You know, there is going to be boys at these parties. But not just any boys.

No, opposite-sex boys.

They're the best kind.

Yeah, you sound ready for this.

Oh, I am.

And I may just be the first girl who crosses over from our side of the room to the...

Yeah, it's gonna be me.

Yeah, it's gonna be you.

You know what pretty-boyhipste is handing out invitations to...

Don't you?

A party.

Membership cards to the popular club.

Why can't you just let it be a party?

Because this is it, right here.

This is where you go one way and I go the other way.

You get the invite and you marry pretty-boy hipster and I end up marrying Anthony Delveccio and we buy things in bulk.

You're gonna be popular. I'm not.

Good for you.

Good girl.

Bye-bye, Maya.

(Sobbing) Bye-bye.

(Humming)

Yay!

For me.

Maya, I know you didn't get one, but is it okay if I'm really happy?

You go get 'em, tiger.

(Laughs)

I love you, but... You're a lot of work.

(Pop music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ for a day like this to come ♪
♪ struck like lightning ♪
♪ my heart's beating like a drum ♪
♪ on the edge of something wonderful ♪
♪ face to face with changes ♪
♪ what's it all about? Life is crazy ♪
♪ but I know I can work it out ♪
♪ 'cause I got you to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing "go-o-o" ♪
♪ oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world. ♪

Boom!

You got invited to something?

So much for genetics, baby.

Ooh, seventh grade party.

Yup, I didn't get invited to a whole lot of these.

Good for you. I'm proud of you.

Boy-girl party?

Yup.

You can't go.

You can't go.

May I approach?

Hurry, please.

Hurry, please.

I'm gonna keep your young'un out of trouble, sir.

Hart, you are trouble.

Why would I want my young'un anywhere near the same party you're gonna be at?

You wouldn't.

Say it. You know you wanna say it.

You can't go if Maya's invited.

Maya's not invited.

Then you may go.

Thanks, daddy.

All right, good day, everybody. Class dismissed.

Cory: Sit down!

(Unison) Sit down.

So there's this guy Damocles who really really wants to be king.

One day he gets an invitation to come sit on the throne and actually hang with royalty.

No!

'Sup, riles?

Pop's lesson hitting a little close to home?

Nope, what he's saying has nothing to do with me.

Yes, I've been invited to hang with middle-school royalty, but nothing bad could happen.

I'm sure you're right. Farkle!

When Damocles sat on the throne he noticed a sword hanging over it, help up by a single tiny thread.

Maya.

Be careful what you wish for.

Why?

Being what other people want you to be is just a sword hanging over your head.

Good. Riley.

Nothing to do with me.

Come on, mommy. I want my muffin and my joke.

Oh, honey, it looks like Mrs. Svorski is busy right now.

So how about we just find you a new favorite place?

I like this place. I like Mrs. Svorski.

Auggie!

Muffin!

It's not muffin. It's bulochki.

I baked just for you, little man.

Ah, Topanga. Sit, darling.

Mrs. Svorski, it's very nice to see you.

I'm afraid that we won't be able to stay.

But I love her.

Pinch my cheeks, do it.

40 years here, now they try to push me out.

I know that.

Yeah, you can't put price on good neighborhood place where people come and they sit and they talk.

Mrs. Svorski...

Yeah, okay.

Big-deal-frozen-yogurt people want place.

Contract say no raise rent."

Yogurt lawyer say loophole."

Yogurt lawyer's scum of earth.

Mommy's a lawyer.

I know.

Three weeks I not see you.

Mrs. Svorski, I feel terrible about this.

Oh...

Tell the joke.

I know not your doing.

Is not Ukrainian bakery.

Is my-krainian bakery.

(Laughs) Oh man, that's good.

Why aren't you laughing, mommy?

I work for a very big law firm.

I don't have a say in which cases we represent.

Maybe so, maybe not so.

You tell big-deal lawyers Mrs. Svorski hopes they fall in their own loophole.

Don't you worry. My mommy will take care of everything.

Right, mommy?

Well, looky here, teacher daddy, nothing hanging over my head except this here halo of popularity.

And yay for you, my best friend, for watching me with a smile.

Yeah, I'm smiling, I'm watching.

All right, all right. Half hour you can stay.

I'm waiting right here.

(Doorbell buzzes)

(Exhales)

I changed my mind. I want you in there.

Protect your friend.

I can't do that, sir. Wasn't invited.

Why is that exactly?

About to find out, sir.

Smile. Watch.

Greetings, fellow partygoer.

Farkle?

Starting to become clear, sir?

Oh yeah. I'm smiling real big.

Announcing the arrival of party guest number six, female number one.

I'm a female, Farkle.

You getting this yet?

But pretty boy... pretty boy's still here.

Wait for it.

That's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life.

It's a geek party.

I know, honey.

Everybody welcome Riley.

(Speaking in foreign language)

Honey, stay an hour. Stay a week, stay forever.

Just enjoy.

Hey, you know what would make this just perfect for me?

Have you noticed the lightsabers hanging from the ceiling precariously over your head?

(Lightsaber whirring)

Damocles.

(Snickering)

There it is.

I know.

Farkle, how could you do this to me?

Do what, Riley? Invite you to a party with all my friends because I always thought you were one of us?

You think I'm one of you.

(Moaning)

Broccoli, she's intelligent.

We come in peace.

Actually you guys came in two pieces.

(Mechanical laugh)

She makes us laugh.

Thank you.

She should be our queen.

They love you, Riley. I've never seen such immediate and overwhelming popularity.

I'm popular?

♪ I'm singing "go-o-o" ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh. ♪

Okay, Farkle. Where is she?

Whatever have I done to deserve this display of affection?

This look like affection to you?

I takes it however I gets it.

(Smacks lips) Right there, nurse.

She wasn't there when I tried to pick her up this morning and I couldn't find her in the halls.

What'd you do with my girl?

Riley: Maya, release the Farkle.

Farkle didn't do anything except open my eyes to what the world really thinks I am.

A harajuku girl?

Yes, because I figure if what I am is nerdy-geeky, I'm going to set the nerdy-geeky world on fire.

You take it.

Nope, beyond me. All yours.

(Sighs)

Why should I struggle to be popular when I can be these people's empress fairy queen?

(Honking sound)

No, please. The one guy was two guys.

The sword fell. This is the way you're gonna go?

You're gonna embrace this?

Deal with it. I've gone over to the dork side.

This isn't you.

This is her.

They love this me.

I'm not changing you back.

Oh, yes you are.

My daughter's going through this week's crazy...

You get in there.

Father, may we continue with the lesson?

I seek knowledge.

Never mind, leave her alone.

Look at her.

All right, what do you guys know about girls?

Mostly we're terrified of them, sir.

So we try to keep our distance.

Well, then I choose empress fairy nut job.

(Vocalizing)

♪ I'm singing "oh-oh-oh" ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh. ♪

(Sighs)

Another day, another little piece of my soul gone.

It's not gone. It's still right here.

About time you showed up.

You still filled with all that hope and promise for the world?

Yeah, aren't you?

Well, I've been living in it.

Hey, you wanted success.

I stepped out of the way.

Congratulations, New York lawyer.

Go do what you know how to do.

The people I work for are on the wrong side of this case.

What do I do?

Are you asking my help?

I thought you'd never ask.


Hi.

Give me your hand.

Why?

I want to see if our energies converge.

Hi.

Mrs. Svorski, while I am charmed by your old-world bakery and thoroughly enjoyed the...

Muffin...

Is not muffin, big-deal yogurt lawyer.

It's bulochki.

It's bulochki.

Topanga?

Topanga?

Yeah, this is me.

It's her.

(Whispers) She talks to her mirror.

You're not on this case.

Oh, yeah? Why's that?

Because you like people and that gets in my way.

I'm not talking about you, Mrs. Svorski, you're a peach.

When you go bald?

Right now.

What are you doing?

Why are you doing that? What are you doing?

She's going to her happy place.

What we do in meantime?

I know!

I sing song from old country.

♪ 100 people in line for the bread ♪
♪ 100 people in line ♪
♪ One gets a loaf, takes it home ♪
♪ That's all the bread we have for entire year. ♪

Oh, that's a good song.

I think it's important to have a neighborhood place that reflects an actual culture.

Where people sit and they talk.

They talk.

And there's a nice lady who pinches your cheeks.

Oh, I...

Don't.

See, in my happy place, I'm hearing she pays triple rent or she's out on her bulochki.

And hey, aquarius, be a good hippie and see if you can channel my shark lawyer back.

Ask her if she's still working for us.

You're mean.

Oh, thanks, kid.

Come on.

This is not who you are.

What do you know about being a harajuku girl?

I don't have to know anything except that they love it.

Sorry, Maya, I walk with a different crowd now.

And as you can see, I am quite the influence on them.

Maya?

She's...

Gone, sir.

Yes, she is.

Okay, I'm gonna take one last shot at this while I believe Riley is still in there and not completely under the spell of... ladies.

Farkle!

She's on of us now, Maya.

She's one of me, Farkle.

You're not letting her reach her full potential.

The world I know wants you to be yourself.

In my world... it needs you in it.

You're on of us now.

And I've decided to prove it by letting you help the John Quincy Adams' spelling-bee team to the regional finals.

Really?

I'm right about you, Riley. I know I am.

Thank you, Farkle.

Sorry, Maya. The world wants what the world wants.

And right now the world wants me like this.

This isn't over, Farkle.

I'm not scared.

Oh, really?

(Loud thud)

(Loud thud)

Guys, what about me?

Yay!

(Loud thud)

How you doing?

How you doing?

Daddy?

Yup?

We're the normal ones, right?

I hope so, bubba.

What is this?

What is that?

This is who I am inside.

It's the part of me your father fell in love with a long time ago.

This is what's inside of you?

Yeah, might be the best part.

Is this the best part of you?

I'm extremely popular with five people.

Is one of them you?

Weird mommy's cool.

Way cool.

You've made the right decision letting the bakery go, Mrs. Svorski.

What's the point of serving people in a self-serving world?

Don't sign anything.

You work for me.

Oh, yeah? Then you're gonna hate this.

I'd like to call my first witness.

Nobody's on trial here.

Actually, a voice I've always trusted has been telling me that I am.

Well, could you tell that voice that you're in a bakery?

Mrs. Svorski... I know that you can't afford the new rent by yourself.

But I wonder if you would share your business with some people that will care about it as much as you do?

That's us.

Topanga succeeds at anything she puts her mind to.

And I'm here with our checkbook.

What do you do for living?

I'm a middle-school teacher.

(Laughs) Oh boy.

He's always been my partner and we've always done well together.

But now it's time to do good.

Topanga...

You would help me keep my place?

There's a part of me that knows what's right.

It's right that this place stays right here.

You sure you killer-shark lawyer?

I need an advance on my salary in the exact amount it costs to keep this place going.

Or I will go to the competition and I will destroy you.

Yeah, she shark.

What? Where am I gonna find somebody else like you?

You won't.

You're still mean.

Don't try to cheer me up, kid.

Welcome, to this qualifying round of the city regional spelling bee between our own John Quincy Adams middle school...

(Applause)

...and Einstein academy.

(Applause)

Formidable opponents... And smackle.

I will destroy you.

I am energy, you can't destroy energy.

Ha!

(Mouthing)

Riley, get up there and show us who you really are.

Okay, miss Matthews.

Your first word is...

Maya, you can't...

Check out the word, Mr. Matthews.

Maya, what are you doing?

Hey, Farkle's not the only one with a master plan.

Miss Matthews, your word is harajuku.

Excuse me?

Harajuku.

Uh, may I have the meaning of the word?

Oh, you don't know?

Then let me tell you.

It's a real neighborhood in Japan, where authentic Japanese girls have created an authentic look and life for themselves that is unique to them.

Country of origin?

Are you kidding me?

Can I hear it in a sentence?

Yeah.

"Stop pretending to be a harajuku girl, because you're not; you're Riley."

R-i-l-e-y.

Five seconds, miss Matthews, or you're eliminated.

What do you mean eliminated"?

It means you wouldn't be part of the group anymore.

Harajuku, something I'm n-o-t.

Sorry, Farkle. It was a lovely party and your friends are really pretty cool.

We are?

(Chuckles) We've never been called that before.

Thanks, Riley.

We feel the same way about you.

(Bell dings)

Well, I guess we're back to where popular is gonna be kind of hard, huh?

I wouldn't know.

And let's not try so hard to find out.

You miss her?

Who?

The other Topanga.

No.

I've always known where she is.

You know what the best thing is about being yourself?

What?

You're always popular with your best friend.

Ready for new joke?

Is not Ukrainian bakery...

Is our-krainian bakery.

(Laughing) Oh man, that's good.

I don't get it.