01x07 - Girl Meets Maya's Mother

Why draw fruit?

Let's draw a real work of art.

That's right. Check out 48 lbs of nasty.

Both: No!



Looky here. The male... physique.

Why thank you, art lady.

Why aren't we drawing Lucas?

Because nobody looks like that.

Get used to this.

Get used to this right now.

When drawing a Farkle, start with the eyes.

I think the eyes should go straight to the gun show.

Maya, you're supposed to concentrate on the eyes.

See, you know what my problem is? I don't listen.

By the way, you're drawing Lucas.



Well, that's the first time I've ever done that.

Do I need help?

All right, I know these are works in progress, but let's see where we are.

Maybe we'll become famous artists.

We'll go to Paris, drink coffee in outdoor cafes.

How do I look?

(Vocalizing tune)


Fine, make fun of me.

I am a serious artist who belongs in Paris.

Bonjour, Lucas.

(Speaking French)

Bonjour, Lucas.

Oh my gosh.

See? I am an artist.

I am finally something.


(Annoyed) What a life I'm having.

Maya. My goodness.

This is brilliant!

Farkle is in a bird's nest.

It's a work of surrealism, Riley.

It's how this artist's mind views the subject.

I'm a bird to you?

No, you just... Need to be protected.

You love me.

Leave me alone.

Maya, there's a school exhibit coming up.

I want one of your pieces in it.

What about my piece?


That's a cute top.

No thanks, miss Kossal.

I don't draw for other people to look at, but thank you.

I'd appreciate you thinking about it, okay?

Where you headed, Farkle?

Gym class.

That should go well, right?

(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ for a day ♪
♪ like this to come ♪
♪ struck like lightning ♪
♪ my heart's beating like a drum ♪
♪ on the edge ♪
♪ of something wonderful ♪
♪ face to face with changes ♪
♪ what's it all about? ♪
♪ Life is crazy ♪
♪ but I know I can work it out ♪
♪ 'cause I got you ♪
♪ to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing go-o-o" ♪
♪ oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world. ♪

They've been lying to you, Auggie.

Your artwork would not hang on a single refrigerator outside this apartment.

You said I was a little genius.

Oh, you are a little genius.

You said I was a little genius.

Well, I had no one to compare you to, honey.

Maya is going to be a famous artist and everybody speaks French but me.

(Speaking French)

You are going to change the world with your brilliant mind.

You have such a cute top.

Are there any more of these mashed potatoes?

That's what you're thinking about right now?

Riley, this whole what-am-I-good-at thing?

I've been there my whole life. It's a waste of time.

You know what's not a waste of time?

Mashed potatoes.

You know why? They never let you down.

They're the best in the world at what they do.

So don't be mashed potatoes, because they're better at that than you could ever be.

How are you helping me?

Can I eat a meal?

What about you guys? Do you have any talent?

Did I inherit anything from you two?

(Snorts) Should we tell her?

(Snorts) You think they're ready?

Your father has a gift for...

Gimme! Gimme. I'll take anything.

...close-up magic!


That's right.

He's a close-up magician. Yay.

What is a... what is that?

What is that? Oh, I don't know.

Maybe it's a little something like...

I go over to this guy over here...

Hi. How are you? Good.

And then I ask a little question like, "hey!

Where's the salt? Anybody seen the salt?"

I don't see the salt, daddy. The salt's gone.

Is it, Auggie? Is it gone?

Or is it... piddly pobbly pa-poom!

(Gasps) What the...?

That was already there.

I swear, Riley I swear.

Do it right now with the pepper.

Pepper? Nobody could do pepper.

Peppery poppily pa-poom!

Nobody could do pepper!

Why aren't you famous?!

See? He's very good.

You come from a very talented family.

Close-up magic? Really?

What am I supposed to do with that?

Mom, could you please help me out with something that I could actually use? Do you have a talent?


Does she?

(Laughs) Does she?

Your mom...

Don't you dare.

Your mom's hips don't lie!

Cory Matthews!

Whoo-hoo! Do it, mommy!

No no no. No, I am not gonna do it.

All right, fine, I'll do it.

Okay, do it! Yeah!

It goes a little something like this.

Ay yai yai yai, ay yai yai yai, ay yai yai yai, ay yai, ay yai yai yai.

Hey, Riley, pa-poom!

All right, future history makers, welcome to career day.

Now there are a lot of ways to make your mark on the world.

Hi, Riley.

Oh great, Shakira is here.

Where's your mom?

She won't be coming.

But she told you she was coming.

Yes, she did.

Okay, guys, our first guest today is a lawyer, and I likes her.

Hey, lawyer lady. How's about we go out sometime?

I get off work every day at 3:15...

Except Tuesdays. I got playground.

So I am an attorney.

I got here through a lot of hard work in school.

By the time I was your age, I had 350 "a" s.

- (Knocks on door)

Your mom... there she is.







Wait a minute.


He's your father?

Look at us.

Your name is Farkle Minkus?

Don't wear it out.

I don't know how you could.

Sorry I'm late, everybody.

I had helicopter problems, 'cause I have a helicopter.

Do you have a helicopter, Cory?

Nope. Do you have a Topanga, Minkus?

Nope, because she chose you.

I run Minkus International, I have a helicopter, and she chose you.

Stuart, please. Aren't we a little too evolved to still be competing with each other?

(Laughs) Of course.

(Laughs) Of course.

Both: Go.

Between the two of us, Riley and I have 1260 "A" s. Ha!

That's remarkable, Topanga.

Between the two of us, Farkle and I have 1261.




I... I had to, Topanga.

He's a lot smarter than I am.

But what's more important to me than anything...

Is that I have this guy. Come up here, son.

Topanga: Come up here, daughter.

Look how tall she is.

She's been taller than me since the day she was born.

Well, very nice. Good for you guys.

So this is what career day is really all about.

Yeah, I love it every year.

I'm sorry, Maya.

Maybe your mom just got a little busy.

Are you okay?

I'm always okay.

Yeah, thanks.

So these are the two ladies you tell me keep chasing you, huh?

(Whispers) Please.

Yes sir, it is us.

I'm not doing it.

Yes sir, it's us.

We hope that one day one of us will be lucky enough to become the future Mrs. Farkle Minkus and have a lot of baby minkii.

Why won't you show your art?

Because I'm... I'm fine believing that nothing much is going to happen for me.

Otherwise I'm full of hope.

You hope for things, you get disappointed.

What reason could your mom have for not showing up, Maya?

You're right, I did expect her.

And I didn't. See? Only one of us is disappointed.

And only one of us will never let this go. You know that.

I don't expect out of life what you expect, Riley.

What do I expect?

You expect... good things.

You expect people to keep promises and people to show up.

You don't?

Riley, I'm not one of those dreamers like you.

If your mom saw your art, doesn't it make sense that she'd be proud of you?

Yeah, it makes sense to you.

Riley, you need to be okay with this.

Do you understand that finally something is beyond your control?

Look, I know you can't control your twisted need to fix people's lives.

I'm begging you.

The Korean war.

Genghis Khan.


I just wanted to see what would happen.

Hello, Cory Matthews. I am so sorry for interrupting.

(Mutters) Oh no.

Cory: Nothing to forgive, Katy.

Class, this is Maya's mother, Katy Hart.

Mom, what are you doing? It was yesterday.

Yesterday I was unable to attend your little job fair.

Career day.

Yesterday I was trapped...

In my vehicle...

In the rushing flood waters of the mighty Colorado river!

To make matters worse, I just found out I was about to have a baby any second.

So I crawled myself through the sunroof and I said, "let's do this thing."

Then I commenced to deliver my own baby until finally I heard that wonderful, magical sound.


(Mimicking baby crying)

"Mama? Are you my mama?"


Soap opera.

She was auditioning for a soap opera.

Can you believe I didn't get it?

Kids: Yes!

(Laughs) Yes.

I am an actress.

Are there any questions I can answer for anyone?

Ah, yes, the Farkle.

Why are you wearing a waitress outfit?

Anyone else?

Yes, the pretty, young man right there.

Yeah, thanks.

Um, why are you wearing a waitress outfit?

My Dad says actors are just a bunch of people who never grew up.

(Chuckles) What does your Dad do?

He's a director.

Is he? Well, I'm sure your father never gave me a job either, which is the real reason I wear this outfit every day.

Well, I'll just be going now.

No no no. I shouldn't have come.

You did fine, you showed up.

I showed up a day late.

I couldn't even get that order right.

I know that my Dad appreciated the effort.

Hi, mom.

Hey, Maya.

Could I ask you a favor?

Of course, anything.

I think it works best for us when you go on your imaginary auditions and chase our imaginary father.

I appreciate your coming, I do.

And I'm not humiliated.

I'm not. I'm...

I'm okay.


You okay?


Yeah, this is just how we are.

For me to think any other way is just acting, and I'm not that good.

I was raised by Topanga and Cory Matthews.

They're maniacs.

They'd walk through an avalanche for friendship, for the sake of family.

I got that from them.

I got a talent. How about that?

You can't fix this, Riley.

Yes, I can.

There is an art show here, tomorrow night.

You need to be there.


I expect you there.

I understand.

Don't disappoint us.

Drawing a woman's face is different than drawing a man's.

Look for subtle differences.

The lips are different.

No matter what, don't get mad at me, okay?

I could never.

To paint a young woman's lips, she needs to stop flapping them.

Because if I have any talent at all, it's this, so don't get mad at me.

I could never.

Because when the mouth is moving, it will affect all the sketches.

And they all come out like this.

Except for this one.

You don't listen to a word I say, do you?

Uh, it's not because I'm disrespectful.

It's because you're an artist.

I'm glad you decided to display your work.

I got your note in my teacher's box.

That's the thing you're not supposed to get mad at.

The exhibit starts at 6:00.

It's thrilling seeing your art displayed, you won't regret it.

You don't listen to a word I say, do you?

I-it's not because I'm disrespectful.

It's because you're an artist.


Then let me paint you something.




Maya, I am your best friend and I will always do my best by you, no matter what you...


And who made you the king of friendship?


I did, I made myself the king of friendship.

And this would be my first act as a king.

Why won't you leave this alone?!

I don't know how!



This is the most authentic piece you've done all semester.

Now clean it up.

See you tonight, Maya.

One other thing...

I invited your mom.


How's it going?

It's going fine.

What does your mom think?

She never showed up.

It's just you guys.

Are you telling me your mom never showed up?


But of course you did.

(Chuckles) Hey, Maya.

Wow, you really have some talent.

Look at that place.

I bet it's got great mashed potatoes.

Look at that lady, why can you only see half of her?

(Muffled) Oh.

(Emphatically) Get out of my way.

Did you think I wouldn't hunt you down?

No, I was pretty sure you would.

You want a tuna melt?

No, because I'm supposed to be somewhere, and so are you.

You know, all I do with Maya is disappoint her.

Here's what's funny, you're not disappointing her at all.

You're only disappointing me.

I came to school and embarrassed her.

I pretend I'm fancy, but I'm not.

I thought I had a good marriage, but I didn't.

I pretend to have a career, and I don't.

I love that little girl and I won't pretend with her.

You need to go to her.

(Chuckles) No.

You saw what happens when I do.

You need to go to her.

Riley, what does your Dad do for a living?


And mom?


And me?


Waitress, Riley.

And people tend to stay at the same level as their parents, and I want more for her than coming home with those little arms of hers covered in pancake syrup.

Maya's very lucky to have you. Don't think I don't know that.

And I am offering you a tuna melt to show my gratitude. Yes or no?


You guys really don't have to stay.

Are you kidding? We love supporting the middle school art scene.

Yeah, we even bought a drawing.

You have to wonder who this silly, little weirdo is.


It's our silly, little weirdo.

Thank you for staying with Maya.


I couldn't get her to come and I'm very disappointed.

I know, you expect too much.

This is hard on me.

You need a hug, darling?

Maya, I was wrong.

No, Riley, you were right.

I'm very confused.

I showed my work. People liked it.

It made me feel like I could be something someday.

You will be. You are now.

Thank you, Riley.

You're welcome.

Do you want half a tuna melt?

You know why she gave this to you?


She knows it's my favorite thing there.

She knew that you'd share with me.

I'd be happy to give you the whole thing.

I know you would.

I'll be just fine with half.

And Riley...

For your excellence in your display of unwavering hope for others, I'm giving you an "A."



Can he do that?

No, you can't do that.

I does whatever she wants.

Yeah, so would I.

I come from a very talented family.

What am I talented at?

You're gonna find it someday, honey.

(Singing in Italian)