01x18 - Girl Meets Master Plan

Happy 14, Maya!

How's 14? Tell me what it's like to be 14, but don't leave anything out.

So far it's a lot of work.

Because you know I'll be there soon, and I want to know what I have to look forward to.

Well, if you're like me, you can look forward to your mother forgetting your birthday.

Oh, no she did not!

Where you goin', honey?

Must talk to your mom.

Must not get involved.

Why do you tell me these things if you don't expect me to fix them?

When you're 14, you'll understand.

How could your mother forget your birthday, Maya?

I've stopped trying to figure it out.

She was already gone when I woke up this morning.

She probably just took an early shift at the diner.

Rather than be there for your birthday?

Riles, a friendship ring.


Two of them.


In case I lose one.


Well, anybody else would have just gotten me one.


Oh, I get it.


One for each hand.


I'll never take this off until I die.

You'll probably die before me since you're older.

Should I tell the people not to take it off your dead corpse body?

Yeah, would you do that for me?

And, Maya, the other ring... is for you.


Oh, no. If you're not there, who's going to tell the people not to take it off my dead corpse body?

Happy Birthday, Maya.

Thanks for not forgetting.

Oh, yeah, that reminds me.

(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ for a day like this to come ♪
♪ struck like lightning ♪
♪ my heart's beating like a drum ♪
♪ on the edge of something ♪
♪ wonderful ♪
♪ face to face with changes ♪
♪ what's it all about? ♪
♪ Life is crazy ♪
♪ but I know I can work it out ♪
♪ 'cause I got you to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing, oh oh oh ♪
♪ oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world. ♪

Are you really here?

Yep, I'm here.

Uncle Shawn!

Hey there.




It's her birthday. Squeeze her good.

Oh, Happy Birthday, kiddo. You doing something special?

This is it.

Honey, hide the cake before Maya gets here.

I know, but you know what we should do?

We should bring this cake to Maya's mother just in case she forgot to get her own kid a cake.

Oh, you think that could actually happen?

Honey, I grew up with Shawn Hunter.

Remember his mother? She forgot where she lived.

See, my biggest worry is that forgetting to give your kid a cake is the first step to forgetting where you live.

Oh, that's not your biggest worry anymore.

Maya's behind me, isn't she?

Why is everybody always behind me?

Okay, Maya, I'm not going to turn around because I'm all embarrassed, but you know how much I like your mother.

I know you do. You always defend her.

Because at least she's not...

No, everything's fine!

Stop talking.

...Shawn's mother!

What a cuckoo.

"Ah, it's Tuesday! I better run away!"

(Laughs) You have to laugh, huh, Topanga?

Nice face.

You want to turn around or you want me to turn you around?

How you doin', Shawn?

Well, it ain't Tuesday, so pretty good.



How you doin', buddy?

Just here doing a photo essay...

"Weekends in New York for under $100."

It's impossible. Can I stay here?

We found him on the couch. Can we keep him?

Wait a minute. Who let you in?

I have a key.

You gave him a key?

Fine, I'll give you a key.

You love me!

I do love you.

You have the key to my heart.

So who has the key to your heart?

Yeah, you ever been in love or what?

Angela time?

Seems unavoidable.

Angela... spill it.

Yeah, was she all tortured poet-wanderer-female-you type?

You guys want to know how they fell in love?

He went through her purse.


I can explain that.

Girls, trust us, it was very romantic in high school.

So basically he fell in love with a concept?

It was doomed from the start.

Never let me do that.

I would kill it immediately. That's what best friends are supposed to do.

Ring power!

Ring power!



So where's Angela now?

I don't know. I tried to make it work.

But you couldn't commit?


You know, people have it all wrong about me.

I... I was all in.

She's the one who left. I got left.

Yeah, I... I get a lot of that too.

Who's on your list?

Mother, father, girlfriend.

Wow. What is it with us?


What is it with us?

Window! Window right now!

Not you.

But it's my birthday.

Yeah, I know.



And you!

Oh, boy!

Okay, I have heard all of the stories.

But tell me the truth, mom.

When you guys were my age, was Dad really that good at schemes?


You know, rackets, scams, pulling stuff on people, changing their lives.

Corey Matthews was the best there ever was.


Well, because when he believes in something, his will is stronger than anybody's.

I'm retired.

But what if I believed in something?

Your move.

Riley, you want to pull me back in the game, then this has to be monumental.

A scheme of schemes.

Schemetata de schemetata.

What's that mean?

He's making it up.

A scheme that makes the angels sing.

Otherwise, I'm out forever. You hear me?!

Now you've got one minute, Riley.

Wow me.

I want Shawn to be Maya's Dad.


Riley, you can't just want Shawn to be Maya's father.

Your Dad can't possibly make that happen. Can you?

Tough one.

It's the stuff legends are made of.

But if we can pull it off, it would make the angels sing.

(Horn music playing)

I want to do this with you, Dad.

Teach me. I want to do it for Maya.

(Music continues)

Riley, I don't want you to get your hopes up.

But if there is anyone in the world who has a chance of pulling this off, it's him.

(Music continues)

Well, the best master plan involves how well we know our two subjects.

(Music continues)

We got rings.

So do we.

Shawn gave me mine when I was 25 years old.

Your mother won't let me wear it.

Okay, so the next step in our plan is we need a cutting-edge tech guy.


All: Farkle!

Want to see my new computer watch?

Sure, it looks like an old calculator watch, but I updated the hard drive and added an interesting new feature.

(Watch beeps) Voice: Riley is within five feet of you.

Hey, that's my voice.

Yeah, I've been recording it for years.

But don't worry, I would never take advantage of it.

(Beeps) I love you, Farkle.

Well, I guess we found our tech guy.

(Music continues)

So the team's complete.

Not quite yet, Riley.

See, the best master plan usually involves a distraction.

And usually it comes in the form of a pretty face.

Oh, you guys.

Hi, everybody.

Yeah, okay.

(Music continues)

That's how you think of me?

A lot of the time, yeah.


I never knew what happened between my mom and Dad.

She just tells me not to be upset with him and never wants to go into details.

Why not?

Because she did something to make him leave.

You and I are the ones that get left, not like her.

That's why we understand each other, right?

Where have you been?

It's my birthday. And when did you guys show up?

You've all been in there talking for the past hour?

Actually, we said what we needed to say in 10 minutes.

Looks like you two have been talking for the past hour, though.

Yeah, well, you wouldn't let us in your room, so it's like you trapped us out here.


So of course we've been talking for the past hour.

Actually, according to my watch, it's only been...

(Beeping) Maya's voice: Maya is within five feet of you.

What the...

Watch: Danger danger!

(Velcro ripping)

I love you, Farkle.

Yeah, okay.

Riley, I thought we were doing something for my birthday.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure something's going to happen.

Hey, Cor.

Do you know Maya's mother missed her birthday?

I do. I do know.

That's why I bought Maya a cake.

What, that's it? That's all you did?

Well, you know me, Shawn.

I don't like to meddle.


What's become of you?

I'm retired. I'm out.

What? You two, window!


Whatever for?

You three.

All: Us?

Window now.

The Corey Matthews I knew would have immediately taken this little girl under his wing and become kind of a father figure to her.

I'm old.

He's tired.

You're pathetic.

I'm tired.

He's old!

Come on, man!

We were kings!

This could be the return of Corey and Shawn.


Come on!

Let's you and me fix things between Maya and her mother.

Hmm. You don't think we're too old for such high jinks and shenanigans?

Is Maya not worth it to you?

Is she worth it to you?

Yeah. I like her very much.

Doesn't she remind you of someone?

Yeah, what can I say? I like people that remind me of me.

Do I remind you of you?


You know, if this were the old days, I probably might consider visiting Katy...

Her mother's name is Katy.

...in the diner where she works.

The nighthawk diner over on 17th street.

But again, I'm too old.

He needs his sleep.

Well, I don't.

And I'm disgusted with you.

He just needs a little nappy before bed.

Good job.



Yip yip yip yip yip yip.

You want to see a rope trick?

Maya, it's important that you know that what we're about to do to you is for your own good.

(Watch beeps)

Riley's voice: Maya, it's important that you know that what we're about to do to you is for your own good.



I'm the wonk!

Okay, I get it. Now what is so important?

You want to see a rope trick?

Will you stop distracting me with that?

It's not like I actually believed you're a real cowboy.

Yeah, 'cause if I was, then I could do this.

Why did you tie me up?

Oh, Shawn's going to meet your mother.


Why would you want him to meet my mother?

My mother drives men away.

This will end up just like my father, Riley!

Shawn will run for the hills!

Run for the hills? Who says run for the hills?


Run for the hills!


That's what it says right here.



Hi. What'll it be?

Oh, me?

I'll have some birthday cake.


What kind of mom are you, Katy?

What? you can walk your nosy little butt right out of here.

Who are you, buddy?

My name's Shawn Hunter.


What do you mean, whoa?

You're the guy Maya doesn't stop talking about, the Matthews' friend.

You guys all went on a family weekend together.

She had a really good time and I appreciate it.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

And if you ever question my motherhood again, I will smash a plate over your head.

You know what, lady?

You already don't like me, so I'm just going to keep talking, okay?

Today is Maya's birthday.

What are you doing here since first thing this morning?

You're right.

I don't like you at all.

Show's over.

Let's move.


Maya, I tried.

It didn't work.

Riley, I told you, some things can't be fixed.

She does this. She makes men leave.

Shawn's probably in Mexico by now.

Why did you do this?

You're angry at me.

I am.

How about now?

Right now I'm kind of, like, furious.

Should I untie you then?

I wouldn't.

If you want to give me back the friendship ring, I'll understand.

I am never giving this friendship ring back as long as I live.

Wow, you said kind of a nice thing in a really mean voice.

Riley, people only get upset with each other when what they're talking about is important to them.


Then maybe there's still hope.

Thank you for untying me.

Are you still angry at me?

I'll think about it. Yes!

So do you want to sleep over?

Do you think I would walk in here and talk to you like this if I wasn't so fond of your daughter?

Oh, you're fond of my daughter.

Why don't you tell me about your vast experience raising a child?

I don't have any!

But I know you don't work an extra shift at a diner and miss your daughter's birthday.

Mm-hmm. And you know this because you know so much about relationships?

I'm terrible at relationships.

I'm worse.

I don't want to be.

Neither do I.

Well, then we've got something in common.

Look, my daughter likes having you around.

But how can you stick around when every weekend she told me you go somewhere else?

I write about places. That's my job.

I can't let Maya get close to somebody else who just leaves.

Okay, first of all, I'm not a leaver.

All right? I'm a stayer.

I'm the one who gets left.

Well, we got that in common too.

What do you mean?

Maya thinks that you chased away...

I know what she thinks. It's her father.

A girl should think well of her father.

Hi, Katy.

So I finished it and it's just like you wanted it.

It's beautiful, Camille.

She'll love it.

But I'm still $50 short and it'll take an extra shift to pay for it.

It's a nice locket.

Family photo going in there?


Her and me.

Here you go.


Today is her birthday.

But you knew that.

He's cute.

I'll pay you back.

You will. You'll let me take the photo.

We just wanted to give you a birthday you'd never forget, Maya.

I appreciate it. I do.

Some things are just impossible.

I used to not believe that.

I still don't.

Happy Birthday.

Everything you think is wrong.

I asked you not to tell her. Why would you do this?

Because she deserves to love the parent who stayed.


Your mother had nothing to do with your father leaving, Maya.

All right? All this time she's just been protecting him for you.

Mom? You got left?

I'm sorry.

She's one of us.

Come here.

I couldn't afford to get you what you wanted without working a couple extra shifts, but I got it, honey.

Shawn helped me.

A locket?


Where is it?

It's in my purse.

I'll get it.

You can't go through my purse.

Both: Let him!

Did you see what I did there, Cor?

I got Maya and her mother together.

Yeah. You did great, Shawn.

Well, I'd be happy to include you in my next scheme.

Sorry, buddy.

I got me a new partner now.

So you're with her now, huh?

Me and her.

You're on your own.

Come on!

What fun is pulling off schemes by yourself?

Oh, it's you and me now?

Well, hey, I'm in the market for a new partner in crime.

Yeah, all right, I'll try you out and see how you do.

Cake time.

Happy Birthday, baby girl.

Make a wish.


You're right. I can hardly move.

I see why you were kind of furious at me.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

And I can see why you wanted to tie me up too, so I could share your experience.

I understand that you want us to share every experience because we're friends, with friendship rings!

Maya, could you at least say one word to me?

Good night.

My nose itches.

Thank you. Happy Birthday.