03x03 - Girl Meets Jexica

[bunniefuu]

I'm just gonna put down whatever. Ow!

No, our profile on the Abigail Adams High School social network is who we are in high school and it'll follow us into college and into our careers and into my marriage and into your five.

Is one Lucas?

No, sorry. But you were married to Farkle for six weeks.

May he rest in peace.

I'll tell you right now the boy d*ed happy.

Hmm. Shall we begin?

Name. Maya Penelope Hart.

Really?

I've decided to embrace it.

(Typing) "Riley Matthews. Interests."

Why'd you stop?

I can't think of my interests.

You can think of your interests. You're just worried that your interests aren't interesting and your profile will bore the whole school.

Why are you only smart when it's at me?

Just skip it and go to the ones you know.

Like favorite movie.

No.

Why?

Maya, what if people here don't share my passion for farm animals who save the day?

Why do you care about what other people think?

That's all I do.

Riley, just write down something you like and stop being so dramatic.

Okay, I am the least dramatic person who has ever roamed the face of the Earth.

What did you put for favorite movie?

Don't Look Behind You.

Did I see that with you?

No.

Why not?

Look behind you.

(Screams)

That's why.

Well, I'm sure that nobody else knows what to write down, either.

- Oh, Butch Cassidy.

Empire Strikes Back.

The Notebook.

Love never dies, man.

All right, favorite song?

Ooh, "Desperado."

Anything by Céline Dion.

The sound of my computer turning on.

(Imitates computer chime)

This is so easy.

Why is this so hard for you?

When one makes a decision, one must consider the consequences of one's choice.

Real talk.

What if nobody likes me?

You're just freaking out because your name's on it.

Let's pretend that you had an alter ego you pretended to be when you were all alone that nobody knows about and put her name on it.

Yes. Let's pretend that. Ha ha.

What's her name?

Jexica.

Jexica?

Like Jessica, but "x-ier."

Nobody's gonna find that adorable.

Jexica was the coolest thing there ever was.

She had blue hair and she protected me.

What happened to her?

You showed up.

Both: Aww!

So make a profile as Jexica.

Write down all the answers as yourself, but if nobody likes her, you're fine because nobody knows it's you.

Okay. Ha, this already feels easier.

Pretending to be somebody else usually is.

Jexica likes all of the things that I like except she wears a green army jacket, has feathers in her blue hair and she carries a sword.

Classic Jexica.

Hey, that's her.

You think anybody will like her?

I know I do.

(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting for a day ♪
♪ Like this to come, struck like lightning ♪
♪ My heart's b*ating like a drum ♪
♪ On the edge of something wonderful ♪
♪ Face to face with changes ♪
♪ What's it all about? ♪
♪ Life is crazy ♪
♪ But I know I can work it out ♪
♪ 'Cause I got you to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ Light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing "Go-oh-oh" ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world ♪

I hate not having the exact same schedule as you.

I know. I turned to talk to you in class to tell you about this little dry patch and realized I was talking to Yogi.

Hey, you try that eucalyptus, girl?

Thanks, Yogs.

Why are you laughing? Is one of my five husbands Yogi?

How is that possible?

We only know five guys.

You check your phone recently?

Ooh! Jexica has 20 likes.

Refresh.

Jexica has 200 likes.

Refresh.

What's going on?

Jexica is super popular.

People really love her.

Look at the comments.

Jexica says everything I'm thinking.

Jexica makes me less afraid to be me.

I went to summer camp with her.

Jexica's my best friend. She's always been my best friend.

She has.

Now Jexica was a success.

So delete Jexica and put up your real profile and let everybody like you before it's too late.

Hey, guys, how do you feel about making some new friends outside our group?

Of course. Why?

Uh, there's this girl...

What?

Named Jexica.

What?

Delete her.

Too late.

I don't know. I just feel like I really get Jexica.

Yeah, she's a mystery woman. A mystery makes a woman very intriguing.

I went to summer camp with her.

It looks as though we all like her.

Better than Maya?

Hey!

I'm sorry. Better than Maya?

I'm rich. I'm rich I tell ya.

More info please.

No.

No?

If you don't just take my word for it, then I'm only gonna share my $30 million U.S. with mommy.

Ooh!

All right, read it.

"I am Prince Baji from Nairobi."

Oh.

Scam.

No scam. Says right here. "This no scam."

Auggie...

You taught me to read.

Why would you teach me to read if I wasn't supposed to believe what I'm reading?

He's got us, Topanga.

And if it was a scam, why would they start by saying, "Hello, it's me, your friend from Nairobi?"

Do you have a friend from Nairobi?

Well, we're in the early stages of our relationship, and he wants to give me money so I'd say we're besties.

Honey, they don't even have a real identity.

They're just trying to gain your trust.

I do trust Prince Baji. He does so have an identity.

He sent me his picture.

That's Morgan Freeman.

It's always Morgan Freeman.

How can you not trust that face?

Topanga.

No.

Look at this picture and tell me this isn't the real Prince Baji.

I don't want him to lose his boyish innocence.

The world is the world, Cory.

I want to protect him for as long as we can, okay?

He has to learn what's out there sometime.

What's out there?

Okay, I'll tell you what. Why don't we say what we really think on the count of three?

Ready?

Both: One, two, three!

I think he's gonna be King Baji one day and I think we should get in now.

(Laughing) Wow.

What are you writing?

Happy anniversary, Topanga.

Because that is the 100th time that you have one, two, three, tricked me.

I do it that often?

You've been doing it since the '90s.

All right, on the count of three.

Both: One, two, three!

Angela's still in love with Shawn.

I hate that.

It's not my fault you fall for it all the time.

And I can't believe you keep a list of it.

You can't imagine the lists I have on you.

Do you have any on me?

Oh, do I have any lists on you? Let me think about it. No.

Why not?

Because I'm a healthy person.

Well, I hate that, too.

(Sighs)

He okay?

Oh, he's fine, honey.

I believe you. I believe anything.

I hear the freshmen just joined the high school social network.

Not me.

I hear someone has already caused quite a stir.

Not me.

So who is ready to learn something today?

Not me.

A social network is something that has its roots firmly planted in our history.

Cave paintings, stone tablets, scrolls and papyrus leaves, they all help decode what went on in a society.

Now what are historians in the future gonna use to help determine who we were?

The Internet and my frozen brain.

If they look at the Internet, they're gonna think we're pretty ridiculous.

You think? Why is that?

Because the Internet makes us look like a society of people that only care about dancing cats.

But we're more than that.

We are, but no one knows that if the dancing cat videos have a billion views and the discovery of a new planet only gets 27,000 likes.

All me.

What's the difference? Dancing cats and a new planet are just gonna get replaced by something new tomorrow.

Exactly right, Mr. Friar. So what does that say about us?

Oh, Oh! I know. It's not that we're a society of dancing cats.

It's that we're a society of... Yes, Matthews?

It says that we're a society that lets things rise and fall that have no real value because the Internet makes them so readily available to us so they get a lot of clicks and likes and comments, and then they fade out of our mind when the next thing comes along.

Well, what's wrong with a little distraction?

Nothing, if that's all it is.

How many people here have seen the dancing cats video?

What about the sneezing panda?

'Cause it goes, "Achoo!" and the other one goes, "Ah"!

It seems to me this isn't a distraction at all. It's a lifestyle.

Yeah, but we use the Internet to study as well, Mr. Matthews.

And that's great. Okay, so who here knows the capital of Minnesota?

What about penguins? Are they in the North Pole?

Polar bears at the South or is it the other way around?

We only have so much room in our brains.

Really? Who has seen the "Charlie bit my finger..."

All: "Charlie bit my finger. He bit my finger, Charlie."

(Laughing) Oh, Charlie.

Okay, I guarantee you guys that what historians will say about us is that we're a society that spent a lot of time with a click or a like or a comment.

And it's especially easy if nobody knows who you are, because a lot of people spend their time posting under anonymous names.

Is that a good thing or bad thing?

Good.

Good. Why good?

Just good.

Just why?

Because maybe life is easier that way.

Maybe. Or maybe hiding behind a fake screenname gives the people the courage to go negative.

Or someone who's too scared to express themselves an undeserved moment of attention.

(Chiming)

Man: Attention, Abigail Adams High. Will Jexica please report to the school office? Jexica.

We just really want to meet you.

I'm alone in the bay window.

I've been forsaken, abandoned and a third word for alone.

I'm almost done liking the likes that people liked of me.

You mean Jexica.

I am Jexica.

I have achieved stunning and unheard of popularity. I have everything I want.

It's only because nobody knows it's you.

And that would bother some people, but not me.

Because I'm too busy answering everybody's private requests for advice.

Here's a new message. Oh.

What?

Nothing.

Read that one right now.

Or what? (Screams)

"Hi, Jexica, my name is Lucas Friar"...

Wait. Why would Lucas write to Jexica?

"I have to choose between two girls.

And I thought that I liked them both, but what I really love is that you want to ride unicorns while eating cotton candy and collecting falling stars.

I think you would fit in with our group of friends, but please don't tell them I invited you."

He knows.

No, he doesn't know, Maya.

I wish everybody knew because then I'd be the most popular girl in school, but I'm not because nobody knows. Isn't that just the way?

He knows it's you.

He doesn't know, but if he knew, it would fix all of our problems.

How?

Because if Lucas likes Jexica then he doesn't have to choose between you and me, and we don't get hurt and he can have Jexica, and we don't get hurt.

What'd I do? I land on your head? Is that what I did? I land on your head?

I know what I must do.

That's nice. I'll wait here. Oh, look, she's marching.

It's me, Maya.

I know who it is, nimrod. Why does everything always have to get so out of hand?

You ain't seen nothin' yet.

Here's my plan. "A"... I go to school like this.

"B"... I claim my new popularity.

"C"... I solve our whole love triangle when Lucas falls for Jexica.

Not a thing.

"D"... something goes horribly wrong.

"E"... I learn a big lesson. Let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

What can I say? This sounds right.

Breakfast is served.

You cooked for us?

Why, yes, August, I did.

And not because Mommy one, two, three, tricked me, but I did it out of the generosity in my own heart, just like Prince Baji does.

Oh, hey, I just thought of something.

Would it be okay with you if we didn't raise our son to be an Internet sucker?

Why, yes, it would be as long as it would be okay with you that we did.

Why?

Because sometimes it's okay to believe in the world. Prove me wrong, I dare ya.

- Prove me wrong.

(Chiming)

What?

It's from Ava. She's in London.

She's lost her wallet. She needs me to send her all the money I have.

Okay, you guys don't want me to trust strangers, but you've always taught me to help my friends.

And Ava's my friend and I'm gonna help her no matter what.

Prove me wrong, I dare ya. Prove me wrong!

What?

That is the 100th anniversary of "Prove Me Wrong, I Dare Ya. Prove Me Wrong."

It's also the 100th anniversary of "Why Did I Marry You"?

Ooh, congratulations.

Attention. Attention, everyone in the school.

I have an announcement to make. I am Jexica!

That oughta do it.

You would think, but no.

Why not, pray tell?

What we've done is skipped right to "D."

A, B, C... D! this is the letter where everything goes horribly wrong.

That's the one.

I am Jexica.

I am Jexica.

I am Jexica.

Yogi?

Jexica.

All: I am Jexica!

What do we do now?

Too early to tell.

We'll be back right after this with our lesson.

Maya: And now it's one day later.

What could have possibly changed?

I know I said I liked her yesterday, but that was yesterday. Come on.

Yeah, it's possible that I said I was Jexica to show I could be a unique individual just like her.

I don't wanna be mean, but I'm gonna.

I think the blue hair and sword may be trying too hard.

I've tried to tell her, but you know Jexica.

She's still my best friend and everything. She is.

(Music playing)

Hey, guys, have you seen a piano playing rabbit?

Maya, I don't get it. Jexica has lost, like, half of her followers.

How could this happen? What did I do? What kind of world is this?

You didn't do anything wrong, Riles. It's just a matter of time before people get over something that doesn't actually exist.

Poor Jexica.

She's not a thing.

All she ever wanted was love.

She doesn't exist.

I bet she wishes she never even put up her own profile.

She's you.

Well, then how do I feel about this?

Leave me alone.

Okay, historians will decide whatever they decide about us.

How do you guys feel about who you are?

I got 109 followers. So I feel pretty good no matter what happens.

Really? What's valuable?

Polar bears, North Pole. Penguins, South Pole.

The capital of Minnesota is St. Paul.

That's right, that's great, right? Isn't that great?

"Charlie bit my finger."

Everyone: "Charlie bit my finger.

Charlie bit my finger. Oh, Charlie."

If something that's important to us today is so easily replaced by something else tomorrow, we have to wonder if it ever really had any value at all.

What can we learn from that?

I don't know.

How do you not know?

I don't know because I live in a world that judges me based on whatever movie or song I like, and I'm expected to answer questions about myself, but I'm still figuring out who I am and everything could change tomorrow.

Because who you are isn't measured by today or tomorrow, but by a whole bunch of days of what you do.

Not necessarily what you like or what you say at a particular time.

The great thing about evolving is that we continue to grow and feel.

Don't be influenced by somebody else's likes or clicks or favorites.

Who should determine what you think?

Wikipedia.

You disgust me.

Go figure this out in the bay window. Class is over!

Hey, Huckleberry.

Yes.

What do you know?

I know a lot of things.

I know that we need to stick together.

I know that the only way we can do that is if we're honest with each other.

Get to it.

I know that you are Jexica.

I know that you are Jexica.

Lucas told me that you are Jexica.

How did you guys know that?

We know who you are, Riley. You don't have to write down some fake profile for us to know who you are. I'd recognize you anywhere.

What? No, you said something to her so now you have to look at me and say something to me.

I'd recognize you anywhere, too.

You're not even trying.

I'm tired all the time.

Guys.

Yes.

I want us to last forever.

Well, how do we do that?

By finding out that friends who know who you are is the most real thing there is.

So, Riley, what are you gonna put on your profile?

Yeah. Who are you?

Topanga.

I've been thinking about you all day and I want to tell you something.

I've been thinking about you all day and I want to tell you something.

Let's say it on the count of three.

Absolutely.

Both: One, two, three!

I don't want you to have a list of anything I do that you don't like.

I tricked you, I won, and I feel good about it.

But I don't ever want to do it again, and I'd like to forget about the 100 times that I did. Is that okay?

Tell her it's okay, Dad.

No, it's not okay.

I'm giving you a chance to start over.

I wouldn't change one moment of anything we ever did.

That's pretty good, huh?

Yeah, that's real good.

Auggie, where were you?

What?

I e-mailed you. I told you to come to London.

You left me hangin', baby.

That was real? Why were you in London?

I had to stop there on my way back from Nairobi.

You saw Prince Baji?

You mean the Baj? He gave me this.

$30 million, U.S.?

How do you like me now, Topy?

Oh, call me "Mommy."

All: Yay!

Yay!

That was a good one.

Step away from the Internet.

I finally made my own profile.

I put down all of my favorites.

I put down everything that makes me who I am.

Hey, I know you.

Good. Let's watch this now.

Woman: And who is your best friend?

Who's your best friend? Who's your best friend?

Who's your best friend? Who's your best friend?

Who's your best friend? Pizza?

(Laughing)