03x08 - Girl Meets Ski Lodge Part 1

Nature.

Makes us sneeze, puts us in the infirmary.

Nature.

What's he got against nature?

Isn't he running the Nature Club?

He's only running the Nature Club because it was either that or the Ski Club.

So why didn't he choose the Ski Club?

He can't run the Ski Club because of what happened and the Mount Sun Lodge when they were our age.

Nature.

The only place a bear can kill ya from.

Nature.

Well, what happened at the ski lodge?

(Whispers) A mountain girl kissed him.

I didn't kiss her back.

Nature.

How 'bout I throw you back in the street where ya came from, you waif?

Those were very bad times for Cory and Topanga, but everything's fine now, except we can't ski ever or say "ski" or walk downhill.

So why is he all upset with nature?

Guess where the hike is.

The Mount Sun Lodge.

Nature.

(Clattering)

What are you doing, Dad?

The ski lodge was almost the end of Cory and Topanga, America's sweethearts.

And now, I know something's gonna happen there for you.

So, I am preparing ya... for nature.

We're just going up to see the leaves change color.

Nature puts on a great show when it wants to.

Indeed, Zay.

The leaves seem to scream out...

"Hey, look at me!"

"You think I'm pretty!"

"But I'm actually dead."

The preceding was brought to you by the Smarkle Corporation.

Explaining big concepts with little words...

(Snazzy tone) for you.

All right, before we get on the bus, I want to talk to you guys about the other kind of nature.

The human kind.

Here it comes.

Ohh, I've been on these kind of trips before.

We made our plans, we had our blueprints.

Well, you know what's gonna happen to all your little teenage plans?

Nothin'!

Why not?

Because I am gonna be your chaperone, and I will be doggin' you every step like a dog.

What makes you think we're like that, Matthews?

Get a load of Yogi and Darby over here.

Uh, they go by Yoby now.

Yeah. Didn't you see their ad in the school newspaper?

Well... (Chuckles) it's not Yoby I'm worried about anyway.

Yoby's forever.

It's this three-headed, creeping triangle that won't die that concerns me.

Why do you have to...

Bring that up...

For?

Because the triangle is going to the great outdoors.

So, we are gonna need some great chaperons.

We got this completely under control, Matthews.

My human nature is completely under control and there's nothin' or nobody who could ever change that.

Hey, kiddies.

(Giggles nervously)

I'm wrong.

Here we go.

You're my chaperone.

I invited him.

I love you!

I'm coming too.

I invited her.

I'm smart.

We'll be watching over you.

'Kay.

My name's Josh, and I'll be with you all day and all night, so no monkey business.

(Imitates monkey)

(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ For a day like this to come ♪
♪ Struck like lightning ♪
♪ My heart's beating like a drum ♪
♪ On the edge ♪
♪ Of something wonderful ♪
♪ Face-to-face with changes ♪
♪ What's it all about? ♪
♪ Life is crazy ♪
♪ But I know ♪
♪ I can work it out ♪
♪ 'Cause I got you ♪
♪ To live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ Light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing "go-o-o" ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world ♪

Riley, how did you fall off the bus?

Who does that?

Nobody.

Ooh! Bay window!

Bay window right now.

Lauren did not age well.

I'm just saying.

Hey, did anyone else feel like Mr. Matthews' nature lecture was completely pointed at us?

Isn't everything?

Hey, we put the brakes on the whole triangle thing so that Maya could find herself.

Yes. I needed to find myself, you Cactus Pete Huckleberry horseback-ridin' Ranger Rick.

Huh hugghhrr, huh hugghhrr, huh hugghhrr-hugghhrr!

And she's back...

And we're back on.

Yeah, except for one other thing.

Hey, Boing has nothing to do with this, okay?

He's just a fantasy. You don't go out with a fantasy.

You only think about him all the time. What's the matter with you?

Yeah, I'm real messed up.

When's the first nature hike, dreamboat?

Smackle, do you even know who this is?

He's Maya's Boing.

Then why would you call him dreamboat?

Look at him.

Okay, while Cory and Topanga are checking us in, let me welcome you all to Mount Sun Lodge, where we are here to turn our thoughts away from our indoor relationships and towards our relationships with the outdoors.

Yeah, I don't think so, Cub Scout.

You brought them here on Couples Weekend?

Of course I did.

"Nature Sez: Tree's A crowd."

Huh.

"Moonlight Walk: Triangle Trail."

Huh.

"Riley, Maya, Lucas: Enough Already!"

Huh.

I'm sorry you had to miss the first hike, Riley.

Oh, I've been having a really nice time, actually.

Looking at things, talking to people.

You two stay away from each other.

(Both whimper)

How was it?

Oh, just like you'd think.

Farkle wandered off the trail, and Maya broke the rules and went after him.

Maya, you broke the rules?

Yeah. She always breaks the rules, but this time, she could have been killed.

It's like you never know when to stop.

Farkle.

She saved my life.

Wait, what happened?

I was chasing a rare Achemon Sphinx Moth for my collection.

I have one.

He was flying around like he was taunting me, and no one taunts Farkle!

F-lehh.

F-lahh!

I grabbed him out of the air, looked him in the eye, and said, "Achemon? (Scoffs) Ache-mine!"

Now tell them what really happened, honey.

He tricked me.

He flew over there, and I went after him and slipped off the edge of the trail.

I was hanging on by a tree branch.

I was hanging by my fingertips.

Maya tears off, jumps up, and saves him.

What were you doing?

I was saving Smackle.

What happened to you?

I was all, "Help, Lucas. Help."

All while Farkle was hanging from a tree?

No, every chance I get.

Come on, Lone Star. You're not really mad at me.

You like when we tangle. That's what you like about me.

You just don't want to admit it.

No, it's not, Maya.

I don't think it is.

Why are you with us?

'Cause as crazy as you two are, you're nowhere near as messed up as them.

You okay?

Oh! Yeah.

Yeah, I was just sitting here and this leaf blew in.

You ever see a color like this?

It knew it had to leave the tree and become something else.

It knew it was time.

You're always such a romantic.

I am. I love romance.

This triangle has to die right now.

What? Why?

How?

We've tried before.

Yeah.

But this time, there's something stronger.

Seasons change.

It's nature.

And nature knows that it's time for the triangle to die.

Okay, triangle over.

Our mothers told us that you made a choice.

Yeah, I did, but this shouldn't be my choice.

It should be a decision that we all make.

I got no pride. Just flip a coin.

Let's get a pizza.

Movie night!

Movie night!

Both: Coward!

I know.

All right, we got a bunch to pick from, so let's see what we got here.

I want a spy thriller.

Two spies in love with lots of danger.

Why does it always gotta be danger with you?

(Gasps) Romance! I want to cry my eyes out!

Boy meets girl, boy stays with girl, nothing bad happens.

The end. (Chokes up)

Okay, so dangerous life with you and crying my eyes out with you.

That's what we got here?

No other choices?

Oh, believe me, the story of your lives is better than whatever we got here.

Okay, well, if we're actually gonna decide this, then we should imagine what our lives would be like together.

Okay.

Here's ours.

(Spy music plays)

♪ Huh hugghhrr-hugghhrr ♪
♪ The man lives by the rules ♪
♪ But all she does is break them ♪
♪ He always keeps his cool ♪
♪ She's the one who shakes him ♪
♪ They call him Bond ♪

Huckleberry Bond.

All right, let's go over the mission.

The Purple Cat is evil.

She must be destroyed or she'll destroy us.

Got it.

Careful.

We're in Purple territory now.

The cool cat howls at the moon.

Purple is the color of midnight.

The triangle is sharp and pointed, and somebody will get hurt.

Why we talkin' like this?

Just say "meow" and come in.

Meow and come in.

Welcome to The Purple Cat Club, where the world is yours and there's only one rule: Don't open that curtain!

Other than that, have fun.

Well, looky here, ladies and gents.

Two new players.

They call me The Bomb.

You got a real name?

Yup.

I'mma call you whatever you want.

Wise choice.

And what do they call you, handsome?

They call me Crybaby.

Why?

(Cries) I don't know. I wish they'd stop.

What's your name, gorgeous?

The name's Bond.

Huckleberry Bond.

(Growls)

Smackle!

I'm with you in this too?

Gorgeous is with me, chipmunk.

We're the power couple of the world and there's nothing that could ever tear us apart.

Who dat?

The name's Boing.

Uncle Boing.

I'm three years older than you.

You're three years older than me in this too?

And I'm a billionaire.

(Whimpers)

Don't matter!

'Cause we're the power couple of the world, and there's nothing that could ever tear us apart.

The Purple Cat!

The Purple Cat!

The Purple Cat!

Purple Cat!

Ow.

All right, nobody move.

I got a little something to say.

This isn't how it would be!

You're just jealous that our lives together would be action and adventure and Lucas and I would save the world.

You'd... you'd tear each other into pieces.

What are y'all looking at?

You.

We've been watching this thing for the past two years.

Wanna see how it ends.

You think we'd tear each other to pieces?

Yeah, I can see it.

Stop helping her.

This doesn't need any help.

I know you two. I know how this ends.


(Spy music plays)

Well, you two are new to my establishment.

Huckleberry Bond and...

The Bomb.

Trust me, I know what "The Bomb" is, and you ain't it.

And I got a feeling that your name isn't Huckleberry.

It's Lucas, ma'am.

(Texan accent) It's Lucas, ma'am.

I don't sound like that.

I durr sar fooeey garducky!

You're a couple?

We're gonna save the world, sister.

Hmm.

Tell me, Lucas, if this ol' world was gentler and kinder and didn't need savin', what would you do in it?

Well, uh, I've never told anybody this before, but I've kind of always wanted to be a veterinarian.

(Gasps) You hear that, Violet?

We got ourselves a doctor!

She does know that that's a stuffed cat, right?

Okay.

Hey, Maya, what are you doin'?

You know what I'm gonna do.

Why? They got one rule here.

All you gotta do is not break one rule.

This is how I live my life, Huckleberry.

You're either with me or you're not!

(The Purple Cat gasps)

Now that's a bomb.

Opening the curtain started the timer.

All you gotta do is cut the red wire.

You knew what I was like from the day you met me.

Yeah. I didn't think you would destroy the world.

Hey, if you're not gonna destroy the world, why do anything?

All you gotta do is cut the red wire.

In five seconds, your world will end and my world will begin.

I will do my evil laugh now.

(Shrill laugh)

Hey! Smile at me exactly the same.

(Timer beeps)

(Cartoon explosion sounds)

(Cat yowl)

Maya, we'd rather argue with each other than save the world.

Wah-wah.

Well, there's a new world now.

My world.

And it's fabulous.

Yeah? What's it look like?

(Cartoon explosion sounds)

(Cat meow)

(Romantic music plays)

(Texan accent) Well, here I am.

Just a country boy in a big ol' city.

Wherever will I find a... kind, loving soul who'd enjoy my stories about birthin' the horses?

I'm Riley.

Jumpin' Jehoshaphat!

Sorry.

I'm so quirky and clumsy.

Boys hate that.

I'm Lucas.

I love it.

(Twinkle sound)

(Romantic music plays)

We should just say goodbye while we love each other so, so much.

Goodbye.

(Music stops)

I can't live without you.

(Music resumes)

What a horrible two seconds that was.

Lucas?

Riley?

Is it just me, or has our love made the entire world a better place?

And look!

There's Auggie as cupid because we had to get him in.

(Harp plays)

You're right, Riley.

Look at everybody.

Everyone is together.

The world is at peace.

Everyone is in love.

How can you tell?

I'm that tall.

Well, get back down here and kiss me.

Wait a minute.

(Romantic music winds down)

What?

Where is she? You know that she'd never let us kiss each other.

I have your results.

(Dramatic music plays)

It's the worst possible news.

Do your findings concur with mine?

You mean that it's the worst possible news?

Mm, yes, those findings.

What bad could possibly happen?

Everyone is in love.

The world is happy.

(Harp plays)

What could you have possibly come up with?

Oh, nothing.

Except everybody's gonna be dead.

Why does everybody always have to be dead?

I will show you.

(Harp plays)

Dr. Boing and I have been working with each other, next to each other, every single day.

Tell them our research, Boing.

Unfortunately, we are still unable to make you not three years younger than me.

The other research.

Oh!

Uh, you all have gooey sap disease.

G.S.D.

You're all feeling things too much.

It's melting you from the inside.

You all caught it from Patient Zero.

Guess who's Patient Zero?

I am!

But I just want everybody to be in love.

I feel it so much that it...

Hurts? Mm.

Yes, and now you've hurt everybody else, Riley, because not everybody's like you.

Not everybody can handle so much...

Wonderful emotion.

...gooey sap.

Well, I don't believe you.

The world is better for it.

What bad could possibly happen?

(Grunts)

(Whimpers)

Okay, well, that's just them.

Lucas and I are still alive.

And now the Riley death scene.

I wanna be in it!

Oh.

(Sickly tone) Lucas.

Please go.

I don't want you to see me like this.

Where are you going? I'm dying!

Riley, please don't leave me.

There isn't anybody else in this world.

'Cause we're the perfect couple?

No, because there isn't anybody else in this world.

Except for her.

And she's with him.

Hey, no, no, she's not with me. I'm older than her.

That's even gonna matter when everybody else it dead?

Okay, maybe not if everybody else is dead.

Wait a minute, so you're saying when we get back to real life, all I gotta do is get rid of everybody else?

Maya, it's about them now.

Wait a minute.

Seriously, all I have to do is get rid of everybody else?

Yeah, that's it. That... that's all you gotta do.

Wait, hold on.

So you're saying no matter who I end up with...

It's the end of the world.

Way to go.

That can't happen in my world, 'cause I know that true love will always keep us alive.

(Flatline beep)

(Grunts)

Riley?

What happened?

"Blah, blah, blah..."

Wait a minute!

I wasn't even plugged in to anything!

Maya!

(Applause)

Wait, no, stop.

None of that is what's going to happen.

We care about each other too much to let anything like that happen, right?

I hope so.

We do.

So, I hope you guys aren't looking for some big fight...

'Cause there isn't gonna be one.

(All whimper)

But we wanted one!

They already said there isn't gonna be one.

But I wanted one!

You wanna have one?

Yeah!

No.

Boy, that was a quick one.

Maybe my dad was right.

Maybe we can't decide this.

Maybe only nature can, because nature is what's stronger than us.

So our lives are just gonna depend on whatever nature decides to do with us?

Or what we do with our human nature.

Aren't we smart enough to know what to do?

I believe we are.

You know what? She's right.

No matter what we decide, this is our world and it's only the right decision if we stay friends.

We can control that, right?

Actually, this brings up an interesting question.

Who is in control of your life?

I am! Now go to bed.

Lesson over.

Yeah, it's a good thing you invited me here.

Riles, you want help up the stairs?

Not really tired.

Mom?

Is it okay if I stay awake for a bit?

Just a bit.

Come on, Riles.

You really think nature is just gonna have an answer blow in with the wind?

Just want to look at the sky a while.

Thought you could use this.

Oh, thanks, but I was just looking at the sky a while.

Okay, but could you take one of these anyway?

Because hot.

You here with the New York group?

Yeah.

That's why you like the sky.

Why?

Well, because you can't really see it in New York.

Why not?

Too much ambient light.

This is where they keep all the stars, huh?

Yeah.

I'll tell you a secret.

When everyone else has gone upstairs, I sit right where you are and I'll watch this sky too.

It's amazing, isn't it?

Yeah.

And it goes all night.