03x20 - Girl Meets Sweet Sixteen

Something new and exciting, please.

We've done everything.

Wouldn't it be a sad situation if that were true?

- Oh - You got somethin'?

- Oh - I predict that the next thing you say is gonna be ridiculous.

We should have our Sweet Sixteen now!

- I'm right.

- Why?

Well, because, you see, I just turned 15 and you're eight.

(Sing-songy)

I have all my big teeth.

We can't have a Sweet Sixteen.

- I didn't get my bat mitzvah.

- You're not Jewish.

I didn't get my quinceañera.

You're not Latina.

I want something!

I want something now, Daddy!

No, still me.

What can you do for me?

I can tell you it's not time for a Sweet Sixteen yet.

It's all so random.

We should be able to have it any time.

They just call it "Sweet Sixteen" because of suh suh.

No, if it was a suh suh thing, they could have called it "Sweet Seventeen" just as much.

No, they could not.

"Sweet Sixteen," you're sweet.

"Seventeen," who cares already?

Ooh.

- You got somethin'?

- Ooh!

I predict the next thing that you say is gonna be amazing!

See, that right there is the difference between me and you.

What if we did suh suh suh?

Oh!

Impossible!

No one's ever done the suh suh suh before.

- What is it?

- "Surprise Sweet Sixteen.

" (Whispers)

Surprise.

(Whispers)

Surprise.

When we talk, magic happens.

Both: La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la (Theme music plays)

- That's right.

- Uh-huh.

I've been waiting For a day like this to come Struck like lightning My heart's beating like a drum On the edge of something wonderful Face-to-face with changes What's it all about?

Life is crazy But I know I can work it out 'Cause I got you to live it with me I feel all right I'm gonna take on the world Light up the stars I've got some pages to turn I'm singing "Go-o-o" Oh, oh, oh, oh Take on the world Take on the world Take on the world Take on the world Take on the world Take on the world In every life, there are landmarks.

What are the historical markers of our lives?

Most important first.

- Sweet Sixteen.

- No.

Arbor Day!

No.

Even Sweet Sixteen is more important than Arbor Day.

- Sweet Sixteen.

- Arbor Day!

No, most important first.

Sweet Sixteen is the doorway to our driver's license.

Arbor Day is the doorway to nobody knows what it is.

And college.

You're going without me?

No, you're going to the little one next door.

Yay!

- Farkle?

- Birth.

Okay, let's go with that because it's not what you said.

What's next?

I win the Nobel Prize for Physics.

Smackle, we just got born.

Okay.

I'll wait.

- Our first birthday.

- Okay, birth.

So then, we celebrate our birth every year.

What's next?

I win the Nobel Prize for Physics.

Not yet.

Get to it!

Our first steps, our first words, our first day at school.

- (Students groan)

- Yay!

The day I met Riley and Maya and Smackle and Lucas and Zay.

Okay, so we get born.

We learn to walk and talk.

We meet our friends.

Then what?

You know.

Then we grew up and we're not little kids anymore.

And it went by fast, didn't it?

It goes by very fast, Mr.

Babineaux.

Your adventures were my adventures not very long ago.

Then we have our various coming of age ceremonies.

Oh, you mean like I want us to have a Surprise Sweet Sixteen party.

Riley, how is it a surprise if we all know about it?

'Cause we're gonna have it now while we're all 15 and you're 24.

Okay, everybody, make a big surprise face.

(Students gasp)

Yeah, don't do that.

And anyway, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't count.

I mean, it must have been a "Sweet Sixteen" for a reason.

Why?

I don't care.

Well, now actually, Zay brings up an interesting point.

No, I don't.

Riley has an instinct to accelerate the clock.

Why do you think that is?

Because I want a party.

Try again.

Well, 'cause I agree with Zay.

We are growing up very fast.

What?

You agree with me?

Yeah.

(Gasps)

Okay.

Yeah, that was fun.

Hey, but watch this surprise face.

(Gasps)

Okay, only one was fun.

Okay, so there it is, freshmen.

You guys are all gonna be 16 or 17 in your junior year.

You're gonna be thinkin' about where to go to college.

Stockholm University so I can be nearby to pick up my Nobel Prize.

- We'll talk.

- We'll talk in Swedish.

Okay, Smackle has her life worked out.

What about the rest of you?

Are you better off letting life surprise you or is there a way to be ready for whatever is gonna happen?

How would that be possible?

By looking at the landmarks of our lives so far.

Have they prepared you for what's gonna come next?

Happy Sweet Sixteen, everybody.

Your assignment is to tell me what's gonna happen next.

Okay, let's pretend that we've finished our sophomore year and we're juniors now.

What's changed?

I don't understand what could be calculated by projecting the future.

You and Maya still best friends?

- Better than now.

- Absolutely.

- That is speculation.

- Speculation is not scientific.

We can't learn anything this way.

You and I still together?

- I hope so.

- Both: Huh.

Riley's confidence in her relationship with Maya is far stronger than her confidence in Lucas.

- Well, what can we take from this?

- I end up with Lucas.

Smackle!

Yeah, like yelling at me is gonna change the course of destiny.

You're not confident in us?

I'm hopeful for us.

But Maya?

Both: We're forever.

- I believe 'em.

- So do I.

It's what gives me hope for all of us.

So, regular friends are stronger relationships than boyfriends and girlfriends.

Or are those types of relationships so new to us, we simply don't understand them yet?

Well, maybe that's why we take up a whole lot of high school trying to figure them out.

I'm hopeful for us too, Riley.

What is that?

They know there's vulnerability in that kind of relationship, - and yet that happened.

- What is that?

- What just happened there?

- Feelings.

How are we supposed to measure feelings?

How are we supposed to know what we're gonna feel when we're juniors?

What kind of dumb-head assignment is this?

Get out the way.

She gonna explode.

I'm gonna fail this assignment!

I'm gonna fail this assignment.

Click.

Wh what happened?

She crashed.

- What, like a computer?

- Yeah, it's like the little rainbow wheel is spinning.

She'll be back.

- Lucas, can I talk to you for a second?

- Sure.

Maya?

What if we don't care about our boyfriends as much as we care about each other?

No, we'll just care for them in a different way.

What different way?

Less.

Why do we make friendships if they're only gonna go away?

Why do they have to go away?

'Cause we're supposed to think like juniors now.

So?

What's gonna be different?

(Mouthing)

Well, right now, there are millions of juniors all over the world deciding what college they want to get into.

And even though they say that they're all gonna be friends forever, they're all going some place, Maya.

We're going to the same college, right?

- Riley - We're going to the same college.

What if I need to go to Europe or something to study Art?

You will, so get into the same college as me.

No, I won't.

We're supposed to think like juniors.

That's when we know we don't stay together forever.

Sweet Sixteen isn't sweet at all.

They lied to us.

Okay, you two are the strangest people alive.

- Press any key to continue.

- Never mind.

What'd I miss?

Well, Riley and Maya are more important than Riley and Lucas.

I don't think anybody missed that.

I like your glasses.

Oh.

I just got 'em.

Oh, uh, and we probably won't be together after high school anymore.

Oh.

Click.

All right, will you stop that?

Who does that?

Both: Click.

- Listen.

- Yeah?

- Look.

- Yeah?

- Listen.

- I don't want to get old here, Farkle.

I just want you to know that if Smackle has feelings for you - Farkle - Shmeh.

- I would step aside.

- Farkle Shmeh!

It's true.

Smackle and I are people of science.

We don't do well with feelings.

If it's you she wants, I would step aside.

I learned that from Riley.

You and Riley have the deepest feelings I have ever known.

Thanks.

And if Smackle is into you, I I won't take it out on you.

I'll just I'll just clone you and do terrible things to the clone.

Are we all gonna be okay?

We always will be.

How do you know?

She believes in us, Farkle.

I mean, yeah, but things change.

The natural evolution of all beings is to grow and change.

Hey, I know this.

What kind of teacher is your father supposed to be?

I'm going to fail this assignment and he's gonna cost me my Nobel Prize.

Does he know what he's doing?

Yes, he does.

Finches and mockingbirds, his boat was The Beagle, and for extra credit, Galapagos.

Charles Darwin.

How do you know the theory of evolution?

Because I failed it.

I know it because I failed it, but he made sure I knew it because he knew I'd need it someday.

He's a great teacher.

He's the best there is.

And like always, he's just trying to get us to evolve.

Tell us about Cory and Topanga.

- What about 'em?

- How they happened.

How'd you make such an important decision so young?

- Do we know what we're doing?

- What's gonna happen to us?

What if we mess up our entire lives?

- What if everything changes?

- You asked two questions.

You can ask two questions.

- No, you ruined the whole thing.

- Sorry, let's start over.

No!

You're nuts because your father gave you an assignment?

- What do you think?

- What's the assignment?

I wanted a Surprise Sweet Sixteen party now.

Diabolical.

So, we're supposed to be 16 and think about what happens next.

- And you're scared.

- Well, sure.

What if Maya and I don't get into the same college?

Why would that happen?

What happened to all those A's you've been getting?

I only got one A in Spanish.

You're not getting into a good college - with only one A in Spanish!

- You loved me once.

So, I'm going to a lesser school so we can always be together.

Uh-huh.

And now you say - Okay.

- Both: Yay!

No!

What kind of an idiot gives up a top school for someone else?

You.

You gave up Yale for Dad.

Look, Topanga!

I went in with two different socks!

You know why?

I woke up this morning and thought, "What's the one thing in my life that I haven't done?

" Well, now I've done it.

It's been a complete life.

(Groans)

Oh, yeah, I I gave up Yale for your dad.

I call a do over.

Really?

If I had my life to do over again, I would do exactly the same thing.

So it turns out today wasn't Crazy Hair Day at school at all.

You know what it was?

Photo Day.

And in other news, today, I learned the word "wedgie.

" You can make all the plans you want.

The truth is, we don't know what's going to happen.

And your two-socks-wearing father knows that too.

So, why would he give you this assignment?

He wants us to look at the landmarks of our lives.

He said maybe they can prepare us for what comes next.

He's right.

That, you can do.

I was a unique, young girl, I met a boy named Cory Matthews I kept some of my friends, some I don't see so much of anymore, I'm an excellent attorney, my husband is an excellent teacher, we have two children that we love.

What we do and who you are is how we contribute to society.

So, looking back at the landmarks of my life, here's what I know.

No.

No do over.

Life knows we're forever, doesn't it?

Hi.

Hello.

There are lots of empty seats around, and yet you are sitting very close.

Oh.

Does that bother you?

Well, as you know, I don't like to be sat right next to except for Farkle.

You have very nice eyes.

Okay.

They formed in utero, starting with my optic nerves and then my retinas.

So it's okay with you if I just stay right here, right?

Well, you know, Farkle's not here and you're invading my personal space like a Hun.

If Farkle was here, you would be making a joke like I was hitting on you.

You know what?

Maybe everything will stay exactly the way it is and 16 will be just as sweet as all of our other years.

And now, here we are.

Finally alone.

And there is something I want to admit to you.

- You're hot for my mind?

- No.


You mean you only see me as a steaming cauldron of woman?

Okay.

Lucas Friar, my heart belongs to someone else.

- Say it louder.

- Must I torture you?

Would you please?

I just always say those things because I guess I'm a little insecure that Farkle doesn't really, really like me as much as he says, so I guess I'm just trying to protect myself.

You don't have to, Isadora.

I like you exactly as much as I say.

It's possible I might even like you more than "like you.

" I don't know.

Right now, that's just a hypothesis.

Based on what?

(Sighs)

Should have seen how nervous he was from back here.

I think we're a perfect match.

- You do?

- Yeah.

Lucas knew how you really felt, but I wasn't sure.

- You can go now.

- No, stay where you are.

- Smackle.

- You may proceed.

Lucas set this up so I could know how you really felt.

Now you know.

Define "I might even like you more than 'like you.

'" I like you so much that when I'm 16, I'll tell you to go study in Sweden if you really want to.

No.

I'm going to stupid Princeton with you.

Sweden?

Princeton?

What's the difference?

They're going away.

Why do people become friends if it's not going to be forever?

I don't want a Sweet Sixteen.

You don't?

No.

I don't want any surprises.

I don't want anybody to go anywhere.

I don't want anything to happen to us at all.

But isn't that the opposite of life?

I don't care.

Nobody move.

Nobody move at all.

You heard her.

Okay, juniors, how are your lives going?

What's next for you?

Smarkle.

Well, Smackle and I have applied early decision to Princeton and I have a pretty good feeling we're gonna get in.

Is that because you've maintained your excellent academic record?

Yes, and because in the last two years, we've cured the common cold, invented an alternative fuel source, solved global warming, and (Sneezes)

Ah, crud.

So, I take it Farkle and Smackle are still together.

Yeah.

We have feelings for each other we must figure out.

Because we're people of science.

It may take forever.

- Good.

- Good.

Both: Thank you.

We are Smarkle.

(Students clap)

All right.

Lucas and Zay.

Well, I think that the big news is that Lucas peaked in his sophomore year and now it's Zay time.

Hm.

This is not what we decided on.

It is not my fault that you peaked.

- You're over.

- Yeah?

What happened to me?

Know, you say that a lot now, where you're just like, "What happened to me?

" and I pull you around in your little red wagon.

You're like, "What happened to me?

" and I'm like, "I don't know!

It's Zay time.

Stop bringing me down.

" So, I'm guessing you've managed to remain friends.

That'll never change.

I used to have a little red wagon.

You used to pull me around in it.

Hey, if things ever do go bad I'll be there.

Thank you, gentlemen.

So when did things start going bad?

Oh, the triangle took all the life out of you.

Yeah.

Riley, Maya?

We looked at all of the landmarks of our lives.

We don't really have any control over being born.

We just know that we're real lucky to be here.

And if we get even luckier, we climb in through the right window.

Yeah.

We examined all of the landmarks of our lives from the very beginning right up until wanting a Surprise Sweet Sixteen party.

And we found they all have one thing in common.

They all put us in a world of people, and what we do control is the people that we want to keep in our lives, and a party at any age is just another chance to be all together.

So, I take it you're not ready for your Sweet Sixteen.

No.

Maybe never.

I didn't want us to go anywhere.

I wanted us to sit still.

But that's not life.

We're freshmen.

Exactly where we're supposed to be.

We should enjoy this now.

That's life.

Sweet Sixteen will be a lot sweeter when we are 16.

But for right now, we're protected.

We know exactly where we're gonna be for the next three years.

- So, no party.

- No, of course party.

What our landmarks have shown us is that we picked the right friends and we'll always be together.

Life loves us.

Hope isn't for suckers after all.

And that's the best thing to celebrate any time.

Party time!

Does it have to be at our house?

Life loves our house.

(Door closes)

What happened?

Party doesn't have to be at our house.

Tell her no, Dad!

It just happened.

Just happened right in front of Auggie.

He heard everything.

Mom?

You know, I was a good student.

I got a good job at a prestigious law firm, I moved up fast, I got promoted.

I always wanted to be partner.

They just named me partner.

Oh.

Double party.

I am so proud of you, Topanga.

Tell her no, Dad.

Why would I tell her no?

They just named me the head of our London office.

Ask her how she's going to do that from here.

Ask her because she won't answer me.

I am so proud of you, Topanga.

Oh, yeah.

I'm so proud of you too, Mom.

Congratulations.

I thought life loves us.

Surprise.

What did you tell them, Mom?

Riley Wait.

Okay.

I told them that I needed some time to think about it.

I told them that I needed to talk it over with my family.

What's to talk about?

I'm not going to London.

I don't even speak the language.

Uh, did they offer you a raise in salary?

Long live the Queen!

Hip hip!

Wot wot!

Elton John!

Chimney sweeps!

Crumpets!

Girls, this decision has nothing to do with money.

Of course it doesn't.

Girls listen, I know this is difficult.

Don't worry.

We're gonna make the right decision.

Mom there's a decision?

Yeah.

Girls, I'm sorry, but there's a decision.

(Theme music playing)

I feel all right I'm gonna take on the world Light up the stars I've got some pages to turn I'm singing, "Go-o-o" Oh, oh, oh, oh Take on the world Take on the world