01X11 - The Great Ping Pong Scam

[bunniefuu]

Oh, hey. Oh, hey, Tori. How's it going?

What's up?

Well, after school I was thinking we should all go hang out at the grove.

You wanna-wanna?

Uhh. Oooh. We really can't.

How come?

Well, uh, we have ping pong practice.

Uh-huh.

Shut up. It's true.

Yeah.

We're all on the ping pong team. Me, andre, robbie, beck and jade.

There's no ping pong team at hollywood arts.

Aahh.

Listen, Tori, um, you're still kinda new here and there's some things that you just don't under--

What kind of gum are you chewing?

I don't know. Sinjin made it.

Smell her mouth.

Sure.

Hmm, smells like that trip we took to acapulco last year.

Yes. Oh, you have mexican-flavored gum? Mexican is not a flavor!

Thank you.

Ook, if you guys don't wanna hang out with me, then just say so.

Why make up a lie that you're all on some ping pong team?

Hey, Tori. How's it going?

What's up?

Okay, so now you're gonna pretend like we're not having the conversation we're having.

About what?

The big ping pong team lie.

Look, if you don't believe us then go the rec room.

You can see all the trophies we've won. First place.

Really?

Yeah.

Please.

Okay.

Then I wanna try out for the team. Ahh--

What?

Look, if you wanna try out for the ping pong team, then you have to talk to the team captain.

Fine.

Who's the team captain?

Jade. Ulch. Or you can join my team.

I call it rex's all hot chick volleyball squad.

Yeah. No. Tori! Just get it off my nose.

Snatch it off. Ooh. Aw, man, it's the stretchy kind.

♪ here I am, once again ♪
♪ feeling lost ♪
♪ but now and then ♪
♪ I breath it in ♪
♪ to let it go ♪
♪ and you don't know ♪
♪ where you are now ♪
♪ or what it will come to ♪
♪ if only somebody could hear ♪
♪ when you figure out how ♪
♪ you're lost in the moment ♪
♪ you disappear ♪
♪ you don't have to be afraid ♪
♪ to put your dream in action ♪
♪ you're never gonna fade ♪
♪ you'll be ♪
♪ the main attraction ♪
♪ not a fantasy ♪
♪ just remember me ♪
♪ when it turns our right ♪
♪ 'cause you know ♪
♪ that if you live ♪
♪ in your imagination ♪
♪ tomorrow you'll be ♪
♪ everybody's fascination ♪
♪ in my victory ♪
♪ just remember me ♪
♪ when I make it shine ♪

Jade. Jade. Jade.

I'm not going away.

And you can't just say no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. All right, well, you can.

Lane, can you come here please?

Don't move.

I'm staying here because I wanna stay here.

What's up?

Jade is the captain of the ping pong team and I wanna try out and she says I can't.

Yup, that's what I says.

Oh, come on.

Why do you all have to drag me into your problems?

Uh, you're the guidance counselor here.

Can we have some guidance?

All right. All right.

I've already got it loaded in here.

Okay, what?

See, look what it says on the offial hollywood arts website.

My life is slipping away. Read it. All students are encouraged to participate in school sanctioned events, clubs and sports teams. And how can I participate in ping pong if the team captain here refuses to even let me try out?

You gotta let her try out.

We don't need more players.

Read the phone, jade.

Read the phone.

Oh! Oh!

Well?

You didn't make the team.

What? I b*at everybody.

I don't care.

Read the school website. When a student tries out for a sports team for which there is no coach, the team captain shall decide if the student is granted or denied acceptance to the team.

Captain says denied. But you can't--

You can't just... Read the phone, Tori.

Read the phone.

Don't you steal my phone-in-face bit.

Hello, sinjin.

Oh, my god.

This is exactly how I dreamed it would happen.

Listen. I need you to do something for me and you can't tell anyone.

I understand.

Good.

Now, what I need you to do is--

Sinjin!

Don't talk. You'll ruin it.

This isn't about kissing. And that's how the dream always ends.

Dude, you know all those cool props and scenery pieces you made for the play beck was in last month?

Yeah.

I need you to build something for me.

Like what?

Something big enough for me to hide in and spy on the ping pong team during their next practice because I swear, there's something wonky going on with those guys and I'm gonna get to the bottom of the wonk!

Do you know what you sprayed me with 'cause I'm starting to lose vision in my right eye?

Here's a rag.

So will you build me something I can put in the rec room and hide in?

Sure.

Yay! Thanks, sinjin.

Here comes that feeling.

I heard that.

Here we go.

Yeah. Oh, my god. Man, this is the best ping pong practice ever.

I love this game. Wait. Wait, wait.

Don't lean on me.

Oh. That was a foul.

You're foul.

Oh. That tickles.

Okay. Let's start over.

All right. Okay, okay.

Wait. Let me get a drink first.

Yeah, me too.

Ah. What's wrong?

I think I pulled a muscle.

You can't pull what you don't have.

What up with this machine?

It ate my dollar.

All right.

Let the doctor handle this.

Go doc.

Guys, guys, try rocking it.

All right.

Whoa.

Did that machine just scream like a teenage girl?

All right.

Who put me in the soda machine?

I got it. I got it.

Buzz off!

Why were you hiding in there spying on us?

'cause I had a feeling you guys' ping pong team was just a big fake and I was right.

You weren't practicing ping pong.

You were playing retro party games.

So what is up?

Let's just tell her.

No.

Yes.

I think we should tell her.

Why don't we just drive her out to the desert and drop her off?

Rex! She knows too much. Tell her. There's no real ping pong team.

Then what's this all about?

Well, it all started two years ago when the school put that ping pong table in this room.

We just walked in, and there it was.

Then robbie suggested that we form an official ping pong team here at hollywood arts to compete against other schools. So I slapped robbie hard on top of his head.

It really hurt.

It really hurt.

I heard that.

So?

So a few days later, me, andre, jade and robbie were hangin' out. When cat walked up. She was all pumped up about some fancy restaurant her parents took her to the weekend before. They had amazing steaks and crab cakes and lobster mashed potatoes and classy live music, and the most insane desserts I had ever tasted. Which all sounded pretty good to us. So I said, "well, we gotta go there."

And I told robbie there was no way we could go there 'cause it's really expensive.

Where is this story going?

It actually gets weirder. You see, when cat told us that the restaurant was too expensive...

I remembered something beck had told me about all the sports teams at hollywood arts getting a minimum of $1,500

To pay for travel and equipment.

And that's when I got the idea.

Well, what was the idea?

Oh, right, I was telling a story.

I said, "maybe we should form "a fake ping pong team, "take the 1,500 bucks "and use the money for all of us "to have a fancy dinner "at the restaurant cat told us about."

At first, we thought jade's idea was crazy. But after we exchanged some looks... We started to think it might be a pretty cool idea. But then robbie said, "wait."

I reminded everyone that all sports teams are required to have at least one faculty advisor. So we went to the only teacher we could trust. Sikowitz. But he told us our plan was way too devious and illegal. But then he said, "hey, did you hear "that principal eikner might get fired?"

Help me. See, the principal's boss... The superintendent. ...Was mad 'cause hollywood arts didn't have any winning sports teams. And he told principal eikner, "at least one team "better bring home "a trophy this year or else you're fired."

So I said to sikowitz, what if the five of us...

Six.

Six of us, pretend to go to a ping pong tournament... Take the 1,500 bucks the school gives us... Use 400 of it to buy a nice trophy for the school... Which would keep principal eikner from getting fired... And then use the rest of our money to take our favorite teacher to the restaurant cat told us about... And have the most amazing dinner of our lives. And then, sikowitz was on board.

So you guys formed a fake ping pong team so you could get some money, buy a trophy for the school, save the principal's job and take sikowitz out for a big, fancy dinner?

Yeah, I guess we could have just told it that way. So, are you gonna bust us now and ruin everything?

No.

If...

If what?

And I'm very proud to announce the newest member of the hollywood arts ping pong team, Tori "the paddlepus" vega.

Now, wish us all luck and hopefully we'll bring home yet another first place trophy for hollywood arts.

Yeah! All team members in my van.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hey, look at that.

Shag carpeting.

Oh, my god. Oh. Oh my god, best food ever. Right?

So good.

To ping pong. To ping pong. To the pong to the ping.

Aw, shut up.

I can't believe what she's wearing.

Yes, I'm wearing a ping pong uniform.

How could you not think to bring a fancy dress?

I don't know.

I just didn't, okay? You said you reminded everyone to bring nice clothes.

I did.

You didn't remind me.

Whoops.

How's everyone doing?

Oh. It's so good.

It's amazing.

Good. Good, good.

Oh, wait, ma'am.

Yes?

What is this awesome dip?

That's caviar.

It's fantastic.

Can I get a big bowl of it?

A big bowl?

Yeah. Like a bowl for soup, but filled with this caviar stuff?

Ah, sure.

I'll bring that right to your table.

You're very kind.

Is everyone happy tonight?

Oh, wonderful.

How is your drink, sir?

Very moist. Thank you.

Two more people are complaining there's no live music.

So offer them a free dessert.

I did. They're still upset.

Excuse me. Here you are.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Are you sure?

Yes.

They can't grow lobster-flavored potatoes.

Uh. Uhhh--

Uh, it's so good, but I'm so full.

Come on, man up.

Here we go.

Oh, there it is. There it is.

That's nice, isn't it?

Just...

Thank you.

Breathe through it.

You're a good friend.

Okay.

What if, like, a farmer planted a lobster and a potato in the same hole?

Maybe it would grow a lobtato.

Yes, cat.

A lobtato would grow.

I'll tell the farmers.

Here's your check.

Thank you.

What the hair bones?

What?

It's $1,300.

What? It's never been over 700.

Way to go, Tori.

I ordered the same thing you did.

Wait, wait, I see the problem.

They mistakenly charged us an extra $600 for caviar.

Oh. Excuse me, sir?

Hi. Is anything wrong?

Yes.

We were mistakenly charged for $600 worth of caviar.

Oh, that's not a mistake.

That awkward young man ordered a large bowl of caviar.

Man, what were you thinking?

I didn't order any caviar.

Robbie.

I didn't know it was that expensive.

What are you talking about?

All right, all right, all right! Hush.

Robbie can't help what he is.

Nevertheless, we don't have enough money to pay the check.

Well, sir, I'm sorry, but payment is required, or I'm going to have to call the police.

The police? Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

Jail? I am not going to jail.

Claude. Claude.

Yes, mr. Conrad?

Where is the live music?

Well...

I thought perry and jordan were performing.

There was a golfing accident.

Perry took a ball to the head. And you didn't book another music act?

I didn't find out until 4:30.

People come here for classy, live music.

Do you know how many customers are complaining?

Sir, I didn't have the time--

Uh, guys, guys, I think I may be able to fix both our problems here.

Give me your dress.

What?

Give me your dress.

This one?

♪ ah, ah, oh ♪
♪ yeah, yeah ♪
♪ the situation turned around ♪
♪ enough to figure out ♪
♪ that someone else has let you down ♪
♪ so many times ♪
♪ I don't know why ♪
♪ but I know we can make it ♪
♪ as long as you say it ♪
♪ so tell me that you love me, ♪
♪ yeah ♪
♪ and tell me that I take your breath away ♪
♪ and maybe if you take one more ♪
♪ then I would know for sure ♪
♪ there's nothing left to say ♪
♪ tell me that you love me anyway ♪

>> whoo!

>> owww!

♪ so tell me that you love me anyway ♪
♪ whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ waking up beside yourself ♪
♪ and what you feel inside ♪
♪ is being shared with someone else ♪
♪ nowhere to hide I don't know why ♪
♪ but I know we can make it ♪
♪ as long as you say it ♪
♪ so tell me that you love me, ♪
♪ yeah ♪
♪ and tell me that I take your breath away ♪
♪ and maybe if you take one more ♪
♪ then I would know for sure ♪
♪ there's nothing left to say ♪
♪ tell me that you love me anyway ♪
♪ show me look what we found ♪
♪ it's turning around every day ♪
♪ I can hear what you say ♪
♪ now I know why ♪
♪ I know we can make it ♪
♪ if you tell me that you love me, yeah ♪
♪ and tell me that I take your breath away ♪
♪ and maybe if you take one more ♪
♪ so tell me that you love me ♪
♪ yeah ♪
♪ and tell me that I take your breath away ♪
♪ and maybe if you take one more ♪
♪ then I would know for sure ♪
♪ there's nothing left to say ♪
♪ but tell me that you love me anyway ♪