04x10 - Free Ride

[bunniefuu]

(indistinct conversation, holiday music playing)

MAN: Get the hell off me!

(onlookers shouting, men grunting)

Get up! Stand up!

Stand up. Stand up.

Stand up. Come on!

Let go of me!

Stand up! Hey!

(jet engine whining)

I don't care how you do it.

Issue a shipwide announcement if you have to.

Just find him.

Aye, Master Chief.

Officer on deck.

As you were.

With me, Chief.

I understand we had a situation in the Enlisted Galley this morning.

I'm sure they were just letting off a little steam, sir.

The crew's probably a little stressed from the extended mission.

Oh, you and I both know that's no excuse, Master Chief.

If they're stressed now, what the hell are they going to be like in a combat situation?

I want to read the NCIS report.

That makes two of us, sir.

We still can't find the Special Agent Afloat.

Find him.

MAN (over P. A.): Would NCIS Special Agent Afloat Niles please contact the watch commander?

♪ NCIS: LA 4x10 ♪

Free Ride
Original air date on December 18, 2012

♪

(bells tinkling)

(Nell talking, muffled)

(laughing): What's wrong with your hat?

I don't get it.

(Nell scoffs)

(bells jingling)

Hetty, I-I can explain. Uh...

NELL: Actually, no, this is my fault.

I asked Eric to help me out with the Toys for Tots program I'm doing for the Marine Corps, and, well, I thought it would be fun for the kids if we were dressed up.

Yes. It sounds wonderful.

But I'm afraid it'll have to wait.

We've lost one of our own.

Rally the troops.

Mr. Beale?

You have, um, elf head.

DEEKS: So, Christmas is less than a week away.

One of the very few holidays we get off, if we're lucky.

And you have no plans?

Nope.

Swear?

Yes.

Perfect.

No.

Yes!

No, no, nono, because I have chosen not to do anything.

It was not by default.

I have made a conscious choice not to do anything on Christmas.

Also known as step one to become the crazy lady with 30 cats.

Kensi, think about this.

Lake Tahoe.

Ski-in, ski-out cabin.

Six feet of fresh powder.

Snowboarding during day, roaring fire at night.

I don't think so.

Do you suck?

Excuse me?

At snowboarding?

Just know it takes a lot of coordination.

Maybe we could get you, like, a toboggan.

I can snowboard.

They have a bunny hill.

I don't need a bunny hill.

What are you so afraid of?

I'm not afraid of anything.

I could kick your ass anytime, anywhere.

This...

Double-black-diamond rated.

There is no doubt in my mind that that is double-black-diamond rated.

Plus, I told my mom I'd spend Christmas with her.

Well, then, she should come.

It's a three-bedroom cabin.

Two of which are connected.

Don't even think about it.

For your mom.

Ew!

And you, so you guys could have adjoining rooms.

What are you thinking?

Nothing.

I bet you were.

(sighs)

It might actually be nice to give my mom a little vacation.

And what's better than a white Christmas?

Just the three of us, hanging out...

Sipping hot cocoa, watching the snow fall on the cedars.

From the hot tub.

Oh!

You had to go there.

What?

She's a stone-cold fox.

You ruined it!

I didn't.

I made it better.

Didn't I, Nell?

Hetty needs you guys up in Ops.

Great.

Hetty needs you guys up in Ops.

Okay, we'll be right there.

Can I help you with something?

You could, if he knew what he was looking for or where he put it.

(sighs)

I didn't want to go through that whole Parker Pony thing like I did last year, so I asked my daughter what she wanted for Christmas in June, and then I went out to buy it right away.

He hid it so she wouldn't find it.

Of course, as we know, the memory is the first to go.

I think it had something to do with Harry Potter.

A wand?

No.

How about an owl?

No.

No?

A sorting hat?

A what?

A broom?

You're not helping.

Eh, I'm not really trying.

CALLEN: Who we looking at, Eric?

Jason Niles was the NCIS Special Agent Afloat on the USS Van Buren.

He was discovered dead yesterday.

Cause of death was blunt force trauma, either from a fall or a deliberate bludgeoning.

Any witnesses?

No.

Suspects?

Possibly one.

Petty Officer Simon Allen is an intelligence specialist.

Now, according to Agent Niles's last report, he was keeping an eye on Petty Officer Allen for "erratic behavior."

What does that mean?

Well, he doesn't specify in his log but Petty Officer Allen is currently in the brig following an altercation with a Marine staff sergeant on the same morning that the body was found.

What were they fighting about?

Not sure.

But both men tested positive for cocaine use.

Where's the Van Buren now?

It's on its way to the Sea of Japan to keep North Korea in line.

So then, what are we supposed to do?

HETTY: What you do best.

Solve the crime.

I've already arranged for you all to be flown out to the ship.

Christmas is going to have to wait.

Wow.

Hello, sailor.

I'm a Marine major.

You're a major hotty.

Oh. Those are some cool costumes.

Uniform.

They're not costumes, Deeks.

We're going in as crew members, and Callen's going in as the replacement for the NCIS Agent Afloat.

Mm-hmm. So what's my cover?

KENSI: You, my friend, are a civilian contractor doing a computer upgrade.

DEEKS: A geek?

This is all I get?

This, like, clipboard?

There are over 5, 000 people on board.

Going in as different elements of the crew will allow us to cover more ground.

Mm-hmm. Just for the record, this is a gross misuse of my undercover talents.

Well, if you truly feel that way, Mr. Deeks, you can go in as a Marine, as well.

All right.

Just let me get my clippers.

What?

Clippers?

Ooh, you're gonna look so good with a high and tight.

No, no. No, no, no, no, wait.

Just got to do a little, uh, sense memory work for my undercover character, you know.

Red leather, yellow leather.

Red leather, yellow leather.

Acting, ha!

Chopper's here to take us to Coronado.

I know that look.

You're starting to sound like my wife.

You know what they say when your partner starts sounding like your wife?

Get a new wife?

I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that.

See, that's the problem right there.

You and I don't talk.

Communication goes, the relationship is soon to follow.

Almost finished?

Just about.

Look, I know you want to be home for Christmas.

I've missed Christmas, graduations, birthdays and everything else doing what we do.

Then what is it?

Sidirov.

What if he comes back while we're away?

Then Michelle will do what she has to do.

Same is if you were here.

Yeah. But I won't be.

Then we'll make this quick.

Besides, I guarantee you, Sidirov isn't showing up here anytime soon.

How can you be so sure?

Criminals take Christmas off just like the rest of us.

Even the bad guys don't like being on the naughty list.

DEEKS: The Navy has a budget of $155 billion, and this is the plane that they use?

C2 Greyhound-- workhorse of the sea.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, this horse needs to be sent to the glue factory.

It's probably the safest plane you'll ever fly in.

Th-This is the safe... Really?

Okay, explain to me, then, why we're wearing helmets and life preservers.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the only time to wear a life preserver is in the event of a water landing.

So tell me, do they know something that we don't know?

There is nothing to be afraid of, Deeks.

What? I'm not.

I have hardened nerves of steel.

I just think it's a little disconcerting the back of the plane opens like my garage door.

It's like a flying tool shed.

Deeks?

Yeah?

I'm trying to sleep here.

Okay. Well, I'll be sure to wake you up when we crash into the ocean.

Hey, just try and relax, Maverick.

Huh? Did you hear that?

I look a little Top g*n in this thing, don't I?

Hey, I gathered a bunch of disciplinary reports from the last several months.

Trying to find anyone who might have a grudge against Special Agent Niles.

That sounds good.

You okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

Nell?

Nellie?

Nellster...

(quiet laugh)

It's just... I was really looking forward to the holiday party and the Secret Santa stuff.

It's... it's stupid.

I don't think so.

I'm so... I just get like this around the holidays.

'Cause I... I can't be home.

And it's like these people we work with, they become...

Our surrogate family, and they're not here right now.

They'll be back soon.

And you know what, even if they're not, I promise that we will have a festive holiday celebration.

(laughs)

I mean, I've agreed to wear an elf hat, so...

And the ears?

I'm sorry, the what?

You have to wear the elf ears.

Um, I don't think I remember you saying anything about any...

Oh, come on.

Hey, what's an elf without ears, right?

Exactly.

MAN (over speakers): Prepare for landing.

DEEKS: Piece of cake! I don't know what you guys were so worried about.

Welcome aboard the USS

Van Buren, ma'am, sirs.

I'm Petty Officer Smalls.

Can I point you in the right direction, Commander?

No, I'm good, thanks.

Special Agent Callen, would you like to be taken to the NCIS office?

Actually, I'm headed to the brig first, but can find my way. Thanks.

You must be Mr. Colter, the data entry systems analyst.

Well, you say "day-ta, "

I say data--

I say we split the difference and call it a date.

I'm the ship's civilian personnel liaison.

I'll be your escort.

Someone should be here to meet you momentarily, ma'am.

Thank you.

Fantastic.

(clears throat)

I don't know if you, uh, overheard that, but I have a, uh, escort.

(clears throat)

Fraternization is forbidden on board, Deeks.

Wow, jealous much?

MAN: Major Barret?

Please excuse my tardiness, ma'am.

I'm Lieutenant Abernathy.

Welcome aboard.

Thank you, Lieutenant.

(clears throat)

If you'll follow me, I'll show you to your berthing.

You can get squared away before you muster on station.

Yes.

So what, they found the missing link.

Are you coming, Mr. Colter?

Oh. Colter, no.

Please call me Marty.

And I should call you...?

Petty Officer Smalls will suffice, sir.

(chuckles)

All right.

So, what were you and Staff Sergeant Jefferies fighting about?

I don't know, sir.

It was stupid.

I mean, you know what the Marines are like.

"Oorah" this and "oorah" that.

Sometimes it just gets a little tiresome and you have to stand up to them or else they walk around like they own the place.

You two have a history?

Absolutely not, sir.

I couldn't pick him out of a lineup.

He and his boys were lipping off, so I told them to shut it.

Next think you know, he's tackling me.

Guess he figured he had something to prove.

Did this fight have anything to do with cocaine?

I can't speak for Petty Officer Allen, but I did not, nor have I ever used cocaine.

Then how do you explain your drug test?

It must be a mistake, sir.

I'd gladly be retested.

Oh, so you test negative now that it's out of your system?

It was never in my system, sir.

I'm no angel, Agent Callen, but I'll take a lie detector to prove I'm no drug user.

My father and my uncle were Marines.

I would never disrespect this uniform, this ship or my family by doing something so stupid.

What's your relationship with the NCIS Special Agent Afloat Jason Niles?

I never even knew who he was until I heard he was reported dead.

Yeah, I-I only met him once.

He intervened in an argument I was having a few days ago.

What was the argument about?

It was music.

Some E3 was in the library listening to music with his headphones, but he had the tunes cranked so loud, it was bugging everybody.

Where were you yesterday prior to the...

Altercation in the galley?

Fire safety drills.

I had the morning watch.

Which ends at 8:00?

Yes, sir.

The fight took place just after 9:00, so what were you doing for the hour in-between?

Uh, usually I would jog around the deck, but flight operations were in full swing, so I just walked below deck.

Uh-huh. Why didn't you use the treadmills in the gym?

I always feel like a hamster on those things, sir.

Anyone see you?

Uh, yeah, sure, lots of people.

Anyone see you around the...

Zero-two-tack-

one-eight-two-tack- six-tango section of the ship?

I-I can't be sure, sir.

Where exactly is that?

Where the body was found.

The bull's-eyes tell you where you are Deck, frame, relation to centerline and compartment.

Numbers increase as you go aft.

Even numbers are port, odd numbers are starboard.

Starbucks?

S-Starboard.

No, I mean, is there a Starbucks on board?

Or a Coffee Bean?

Panda Express?

T. G. I. Fridays?

Froyo?

Enlisted Mess is on the second level.

The Dirty Shirt Room, Wardroom One, is forward on the O3 level.

Chief's Mess has the best food, but you have to be invited.

If you'll follow me this way, Mr. Colter...

SMALLS (in distance): Mr. Colter? Hello?

(sighs)

(camera clicks)

(grunts)

(camera clicks)

What's up there, sailors?

Nothing to see here.

What the... what?

MAN: What the hell are you doing?

Me? No. I was just...

(chuckles): I was just looking for the bathroom.

I got lost coming around one of these corners.

I found myself in the basement of the Titanic.

Seriously, I think I just saw Kate Winslet.

She was naked.

You should check it... out.

(chuckles)

Hey, I see how this is-- you guys, uh, want to haze the swabbie.

Here's the problem--

I'm a private contractor, which means you can't dress me up like a sea hag, or whatever it is you and your seaman buddy here do for fun.

(grunting)

What the hell is going on in here?

He was creeping around where we found that NCIS agent dead, sir.

Sir, you know what they say about criminals, always returning to the scene of the crime.

Yeah, except for Matlock, I'm pretty sure no one actually says that.

I'll take him from here.

(Deeks coughs, groans)

(Deeks groans)

They're gone.

(quietly): I just need...

Come on, Deeks, pull your skirt down--

I hardly hit you.

(laughs) I know, I was...

I was just in character.

It's fine. I'm fine.

You've been on the ship less than an hour, and you're already in trouble.

Yeah, I know, but I found evidence.

Special Agent Niles was k*lled on a different part of the ship, and then his body was dragged here.

NELL: These are the sailors who att*cked Deeks.

Both men have had minor incidents while on shore leave, but both occurred before Agent Niles was assigned to their vessel.

Does either man have a connection with Special Agent Niles?

Nothing we've found so far.

Neither one was noted in any of Niles' files.

However, one of the men, Petty Officer Lambert, worked in Intelligence with Petty Officer Allen.

All right. See if there's any other dots to connect.

On it.

So Deeks thinks Special Agent Niles was k*lled elsewhere on the ship and then dumped where his body was found.

The body showed signs of massive blunt-force trauma with a distinctive wound pattern, but there is nothing in the area where we found him that would account for that sort of injury.

Well, it could've been done by the w*apon the k*ller used or some other piece of equipment he had on.

Except for the fact...

That I found this.

What is it?

That, my friend, is spinach, or Swiss chard, possibly kale-- but I think it's spinach because I nibbled it a little bit and it tasted like spinach.

Let me see that.

It's called detective work, boys.

Yeah, I see where you're going with this.

Popeye ate spinach, Popeye was a sailor, so...

We're looking for a crew member with giant forearms, smoking a pipe.

Why, I oughta...

It could've come off anyone's shoe.

Could' fallen out of the trash.

That's true, except for-- wait for it-- this.

(quietly): One and... two.

Okay.

Wardroom, messes.

This...

Is where we found the body.

It's the other side of the ship.

Uh-huh, exactly.

So if you think about all the passageways and the ladders, it would be almost impossible for this to get from one side of the ship to the other...

Without being scraped off somebody's boot.

It would be improbable, but not impossible.

What's impossible is to k*ll somebody in the galley, then drag the corpse through the entire ship without being seen.

Mm-hmm. How do you account for that?

I don't have to account for that--

I'm the one that found the spinach.

What'd you guys find, huh?

More importantly, what did Kensi find?

Oh. Kensi found something.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Six-two and looks like a male model.

That's right.

What?

That guy?

That guy's not her type.

He's a Marine.

Really?

Her father was a Marine.

Girls love their daddies.

Yep.

Oorah.

(chuckles): Okay. Good talk.

Do you know Staff Sergeant Jefferies?

He's serving aboard.

I know of him, ma'am.

Why?

Oh, we're just from the same hometown and have mutual family friends.

I was hoping to say hello.

But, uh, I hear he's in the brig.

I think he and one of the crew got into a scuffle.

That doesn't sound like the Jefferies I remember.

I'm sure it was nothing serious, ma'am.

By the end of a long deployment everybody's ready to get off this ship, and having our mission suddenly extended seemed to shorten everyone's fuse.

(man yelling)

ABERNATHY: Master Chief!

Master Chief.

(distorted grunt)

Let's talk about this!

I need a security force to the ready room.

Come on!

(grunting)

Down!

I need a security force down here!

Don't touch that!

It's evidence!

Don't touch it!

The lab tested it.

No signs of Niles' hair, blood, DNA, nothing.

They could've wiped it clean.

Yeah, it also doesn't match his head wound.

How's the master chief doing?

Still a little out of it.

What the hell happened?

The senior medical officer believes that his altered mental state was caused by...

Cocaine toxicity.

You're way out of line, Mr. Callen.

It's "Special Agent Callen""

I've known the master chief for years.

I'll take his word over yours any day.

How about the word of your chief medical officer?

Drug tests don't lie.

No, but they can be wrong.

Then how do you explain your master chief attacking crew members with a wrench?!

With all due respect, sir, your ship has a serious drug problem.

Oh, so first you try and tell me I got a k*ller on board, and now a bunch of drug addicts.

I'm not trying to tell you anything.

The evidence...

Agent Niles could have fallen down and hit his head, for all I know!

All you have are allegations, and if you're gonna keep making 'em, you sure as hell better have something to back 'em up.

Aircraft carrier is one of the most dangerous places on the planet, especially if you're careless or stupid.

Now, you seem relatively smart for a civilian, so I'd suggest you be careful.

(jet roars past)

Sorry I'm late; I got hung up.

How'd you make out with the XO?

Not as well as I'd hoped-- he basically threatened me.

You think he's involved?

Nah, I doubt it.

Can't blame the XO for his behavior.

Everyone on board is a reflection on him.

His career's on the line.

Somebody smuggled the dr*gs on board and is now dealing.

NCIS Agent Afloat Niles obviously came close to finding out who that is, and it got him k*lled.

It sounds like we got to lean on those that tested positive.

Both of them denied using.

Well, they usually do.

We need to search the ship.

You want to search this?

That's like searching Cleveland.

This place is huge.

I didn't say it would be easy.

But the act alone might force whoever's behind this to get nervous and make a mistake.

Okay. I'll ask to be assigned to the security search force.

I'll keep digging through the 4, 000-plus crew.

If I let those in custody think we're getting close to finding the source, they may start talking to cut a deal first.

I'll keep working my lead.

KENSI: What's your lead?

Funny you should ask.

(clears throat)

What's this?

That right there is a little trace evidence I found at the crime scene.

Spinach.

Or as I like to call it, "forensic botany."

No, it's called spinach.

(whispers): Whatever.

It's difficult to stay in touch on the ship, so it's gonna be extra hard to cover each other's back.

Let's be extra careful.

We already lost one NCIS agent.

KENSI: I'm gonna need you to level with me, Lieutenant.

Is drug use a common problem on this ship?

Not that I'm aware of, Major.

The skipper runs a tight ship, and dope's a serious violation.

Well, how hard can it be to sneak a little cocaine onto a ship this size?

We only do random searches around the clock, especially on those people returning from liberty.

Okay. How would you explain what's happening?

Wish I had an answer, Major, especially for the master chief.

He's probably one of the most squared-away sailors I've ever met.

(clears throat softly)

What is it, Lieutenant?

Nothing, ma'am.

I told you to level with me-- that's an order.

I did, ma'am.

If you're hiding something from me...

I-I'm not, ma'am, it's just...

(clears throat)

Please, uh, don't take this the wrong way, Major, but you don't seem like a very...

I mean, you do, and you don't, and I am just way out of line-- I'm sorry.

Relax.

Ow!

Watch your head, sir.

Yeah, that's, uh...

Why they call it "forewarning" there, Smalls.

These really necessary, sir?

You tell me.

First rule of behavioral analysis is that the best predictor of future v*olence is past v*olence.

You have no history of v*olence.

Care to explain?

I've always taken full responsibility for my actions and those who serve under me.

But I got to be honest with you, sir.

I have no idea what happened.

Medical report says it was a cocaine-induced psychosis.

That's-that's just not possible, sir.

You sure about that, Master Chief?

Because if it wasn't the dr*gs, how do you explain attacking several crew members and two officers with a wrench?

I can't.

You trying to silence your dealer before we found him out?

No.

Let me see your arms.

Put your head back.

You can check between my toes, my gums, anywhere you like, you're not gonna find anything.

I have to set an example for the men and women on this ship, and I do.

I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't do dr*gs.

Hell, I don't even eat red meat.

Do you have any enemies on this ship?

I'd like to think not.

The average age of the crew member on this ship is 19 years old.

It's my job to help train them to operate the most powerful w*apon in the world.

That takes discipline and responsibility.

And yes...

Sometimes there is friction.

Enough that one or more of them would want to see you busted for drug use, maybe even OD?

It's a little early for Secret Santa, isn't it?

Open it.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

(sighs)

No.

No, no.

This was not part of our deal.

You never said anything about...

Panty hose.

Okay, they're leggings, not panty hose, and it's part of your costume.

What it is, is a death sentence if Callen, Sam or Deeks ever saw me wearing them.

It's gonna be fun.

Wha...

No. I am all for helping children, but...

I'm sorry, I cannot do this.

I can't do it.

I'm sorry.

You wear polar bear and Spiderman pajamas.

Spiderman is cool, and polar bear...

It's different, okay?

I-I wear those in the privacy of my own home.

People are going to see me in this.

There will be kids and the taking of pictures, and next thing I know it'll be on Facebook, and then... and then...

And then a video on YouTube, then it goes viral, then they stat playing it on a loop on the big screen, and, oh, my God, Sam is calling me Elfie McBeal...

Okay, you know what?

You don't have to wear it.

Forget it.

Wai...

What now?

(sighs)

Two pilots were scrubbed from flight operations this morning...

Due to "illness""

Cocaine?

Haven't heard yet, but the scuttlebutt around the ship is that flight operations might be suspended.

You get anything from the chief?

Nothing but denial.

I got to say, I believe him.

This guy's service record's cleaner than yours or mine.

Well...

Definitely mine.

You think a disgruntled sailor could be trying to set him up?

Possibly.

Doesn't explain the pilots.

Uncle Sam spends millions to train these guys.

They bust their asses to get a chance to do this.

They're the best of the best.

Everyone I've questioned has been exemplary.

And none of them have asked for a JAG lawyer.

They all seem more concerned about their careers than anything else.

Exactly like the XO.

Not what you would expect from someone who knows they're guilty.

Nope.

Do you think someone could have unknowingly drugged them?

Could they be trying to sabotage the ship and her mission?

The flight operations are grounded-- they've already succeeded.

There's something else.

I can't reach my wife.

MAN (over P. A.): ...safety team to the ordnance elevator.

On the double.

(low whistle)

Well, ahoy, mateys.

Can we help you?

Yeah, I'm just looking for the ship's stores.

Well, you're looking at them.

Thought you would've learned your lesson about snooping around.

(chuckles)

Keep it up, you're gonna end up in sickbay, like your buddy.

What's that? Oh, yeah, you guys didn't stick around long enough to see me kick his ass, did you?

Hold on, guys, I don't know what's going on here, but if we don't get this thing up and going again, you're all gonna be eating salmonella salad.

Yeah, well, if the damn thing wouldn't keep breaking down, then we wouldn't have to keep fixing it.

What seems to be the problem?

No problem-- we just had a faulty refrigeration unit, that's all.

They flew another one in.

Uh-huh.

I think I shared a seat with it.

All right, well, listen, I'm gonna take a look around if nobody has a problem with that.

DEEKS: You two? Show of hands? Okay.

(sighs)

Looks like we got it: Colonel Mustard, on the ship...

...with a pipe valve.

Wow, wouldn't want my head smashed into that.

(Deeks whistles)

(footsteps approaching)

(grunts)

(choking gasps)

How long does it take Eric to send a damn car to my house?

Maybe she wasn't home?

Then, where is she?

Sam...

If Sidirov was back in the country, we would know.

The minute he contacts Michelle, bells go off with us and the CIA.

ERIC: Guys.

You find her?

Not yet, but initial forensics suggest we got a match.

Match for what?

The photo that Deeks sent.

It matches the head wound that k*lled Agent Niles.

Deeks found the m*rder w*apon?

Looks that way.

Some sort of pipe valve.

Where?

I don't know.

He hasn't answered my last few e-mails.

If Deeks found the m*rder site, he could have found the thing that got Agent Niles k*lled.

Can you determine where on the ship the photos were taken?

It'll be tough since the paint schematics are uniform throughout the ship, but I'll cross-reference with the plumbing schematics, see what I find.

Alert Kensi, you call us, you find anything else.

Got it.

If you wanted to poison the crew, you only have a few options: air, water, food, or some sort of surface contact.

If Deeks was following up on his spinach clue, he was probably snooping around the food stores on the ship.

Nobody knows the ship better than the command master chief.

He could pinpoint the location.

All right, I'll show him the photo.

You find Kens.

Open it.

Sir.

You know where this is?

It's a main steam valve.

They're all over the ship.

In food stores?

Yes, sir.

Show me.

(indistinct announcement over P. A.)

(phone chimes)

You got this?

Yes, ma'am.

MASTER CHIEF: Make way!

Coming through!

Hey, what the hell's going on?

Deeks found the m*rder w*apon, but now we can't reach him.

MAN (over P. A.): Would Commander Hanna and Major Barret please report to zero-two-tack-one-four-four- tack-seven-Lima compartment?

This way.

Is this what you're looking for?

It's consistent with the photos of the victim's wounds.

Callen?

Did you find him?

No, but I think we're in the right spot.

Deeks?

Hey... you boys see the guy you were b*ating up on yesterday?

The guy who kicked your ass, sir?

He what?

Do you see where he went?

He was snooping around here a few minutes ago.

Hey, hold up a second.

Yo, with the trash!

Go, go! I got it.

I got it. I got it.

SAM: Federal agents!

Deeks...

(g*nf*re)

(yells)

(grunts)

sh**t's down, G.

Like that little bank sh*t, huh?

Little eight ball, corner pocket?

Yeah, I taught you that.

You didn't teach me that.

I definitely taught you that.

(scoffs)

You say my memory's going.

(chuckles)

I know it's needless to say, but I'm gonna say it anyway.

Thank you.

Couldn't let him throw away a perfectly good partner.

Did you get him?

Yep.

KENSI: Is he talking?

Not so much; he's dead.

SAM: Master Chief, could you secure the body?

MASTER CHIEF: Yes, sir.

You here and you with me.

Come on.

Okay, so we know where they k*lled Agent Niles, but still no dr*gs.

Well, it seems like somebody's been sabotaging the refrigeration unit on these storage containers.

K-9s already searched that area.

DEEKS: Maybe they were sabotaging the refrigeration unit so the food would spoil, you know?

The smell would throw off the dogs.

It's not that easy.

Fresh paint.

What?

KENSI: It's in the paint?

Wow, they're good.

You got to be kidding me.

(phone beeps)

They're really good.

Damn.

Sam?

It's Michelle.

Everything all right?

She was at a friend's house finishing up costumes for the kids' play.

Totally forgot about the Christmas pageant.

What'd I tell you?

You said she'd be all right.

I also said the memory is the first to go.

(sighs)

I said it.

ERIC: Leonard Wall is a produce supplier who recently won a Navy contract by significantly underbidding everyone else.

He could afford to lose money on the produce because he was using the Navy to transport his dr*gs.

The ship's lab confirmed that the paint in the container was, like, a highly concentrated cocaine- hydrochloride mixture.

Drug dogs can't smell it.

Yeah, it was a pretty good plan, but what he did not consider was that the coke mixture would leach into the produce.

All crew members were potentially exposed.

Cocaine toxicity can be potentially lethal, can also cause severe behavioral changes like we saw in the master chief, which proves my theory that eating healthy is not only boring, it's downright dangerous.

ERIC: Uh, Hetty has arranged an NCIS Red Team in Okinawa to meet the ship and surreptitiously track the container when it's off-loaded in Japan, so that we can intercept the dr*gs at their final destination.

So it looks like we're going home.

KENSI: Right, Eric?

Uh, absolutely.

I've already processed your travel orders.

When?

I'd say, uh, about an hour ago.

When are we leaving?

Look, guys, uh, in the spirit of the season, please don't hate me.

I tried everything, I called in every favor I could, but the earliest I can get you guys all home to Los Angeles is...

December 27.

KENSI: What?

What, no, n-n-no snow, no hot tub?

Hetty can pull some strings.

She's already left for the break.

I'm sorry, she abandoned us at sea?

You know, if it's any consolation, she waited until the case was wrapped and knew you were all safe before she left.

Why is it that, every time you ask if it's any consolation, it's not.

CALLEN: Eric, don't sweat it.

We know you worked hard-- enjoy your holidays.

Thanks, guys.

You, too.

And, again, I'm really sorry.

(Deeks makes whooshing sound)

♪

Well, y'all mocked my forensic botany, but in the end...

Your spinach played a vital role.

Thank you, thank you for that.

Was that so, uh, so hard, huh?

Actually, don't b*at yourself up too much.

After all, I am the only person here that's an actual detective.

That's because we're special agents.

Yeah, well, where I grew up, "special" meant that you took the short bus and wore a helmet in the sandbox.

That's almost as funny as you telling those two sailors you kicked my ass.

(laughs)

Really?

You said that?

I didn't; my undercover character did.

Right.

Ah.

MASTER CHIEF: Gentlemen, ma'am...

I want to thank you for everything you've done for the ship, the crew and...

Especially myself.

It's our pleasure, Command Master Chief.

I'm sorry that this has adversely affected your holiday plans with your family, but, uh, at least you can have some eggnog and Christmas dinner.

The cook staff pulls out all the stops for the holidays.

That sounds fantastic.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Officer on deck.

As you were.

Hetty.

Merry Christmas.

What?

KENSI: We thought you were on vacation.

I was on my way to Macao for the holidays and I decided to make a pit stop here.

There is an F-18

Super Hornet up on deck for a return flight to Coronado.

The backseat is empty, Mr. Hanna.

If you were to leave right now, you could make it home by Christmas morning.

For real?

Have I ever lied to you?

Oh, whoa!

I love you, Hetty.

Oh.

(kissing): Mwah!

Uh...

(laughter)

Now put me down...

(laughs)

(laughter)

Thank you, sir.

Get out of here already.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

Merry Christmas.

Bye, Sam!

HETTY: Now, who's got the eggnog?

(quietly): Merry Christmas.

(bells jingling)

Whoa, you look...

Elfin?

Elfin amazing.

(laughs)

I don't know what to say.

Well, I believe the traditional greeting is "Merry Christmas"--

"Happy holidays" if you're feeling politically correct.

What was... that?

(both chuckle)

Uh, I hope you have a really nice holiday and I will...

See you next year.

Hey, hey, wait, you know what?

I'm just gonna go get my tights.

They're called leggings.

Oh, and don't forget your ears.