01x06 - Everything is Everything

Whos is she?

Some jackass gave her my number. I told her to leave me alone.

Maybe it's best if I ain't here right now.



We can squeeze you in for an MRI today.

I just came in because Trace asked me to come in.

You know me and your son are in the same team.

Ain't that a conflict of interest?

What did you do, Ricky? You been into some strange?


Tell me.

Any more bullshit and I'm done with you, Look, if Dallas sees photos of you on the Internet smoking weed with hookers, they're gonna kill your deal.

How much does she want?

Told us to call her lawyer.

This woman. She's your client?

Ms. Angela Lee.

Half million dollars. She's serious?

I know her, Joe.

♪ Kane is in the building, nigga... ♪

(music playing)

♪ Now tell me how you love it, you know you at the top ♪
♪ When only heaven's right above it, we on ♪
♪ 'Cause we on ♪
♪ Who else is really trying to f*ck with Hollywood Cole? ♪
♪ I'm with Marley G, bro ♪
♪ Flying Hollygrove chicks to my Hollywood shows ♪
♪ And I wanna tell you something that you probably should know ♪
♪ This that "Slumdog Millionaire" Bollywood flow ♪
♪ And, uh ♪
♪ My real friends never hearing from me ♪
♪ Fake friends write the wrong answers on the mirror for me ♪
♪ That's why I pick and choose, I don't get sh1t confused ♪
♪ Don't like my women single, I like my chicks in twos ♪
♪ And these days all the girls is down to roll ♪
♪ I hit the strip club and all them bitches find the pole ♪
♪ Plus, I been sippin', so this sh1t is movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ Just tell my girl to tell her friend that it's time to go. ♪


Oh, sorry.

Ah, you gotta look it in. You gotta look it in.

(woman laughs)


Let me see it again.

All right, go deep. I got a cannon like Rogers.

(woman gasps)

Spencer: Nice hands!

(laughs) Spike it.

All right, well, it's nice to see you lightening up for a change.

Ah, I'm in a sunshine state of mind.

Mm-hmm, I can see that.

It's probably because you finally got that MRI like I asked you to.

I did. Feels great. Passed with flying colors.

So now you can stop obsessing over Vernon and Ricky and, gee, I don't know, possibly having brain damage.

Oh, I know. No more obsessions. No.

It's a big step for you.

It's a huge step.

In a forward direction.

Like a triple jump. I feel like a new guy.

It's incredible.

You didn't get the MRI, did you?

Nah, I might not have.

Hey, if you don't give a sh1t, why should I?

I give a sh1t. I'm gonna reschedule today.

Well, don't do me any favors, okay?

If you want to keep using everyone else's problems to avoid your own, go ahead.

I'm just gonna sit here and read this magazine while you lose your damn mind.

I'm gonna get the MRI.

God damn, right in the back of the f*cking head.

You don't throw a goddamn ball at somebody who has their back turned!


Way to keep it light, Strasmore.

I'll get it.

Good idea.

I'll get it.

It's on me.

(music playing)

♪ Come to me, baby, don't be shy... ♪

(doorbell rings)

♪ Don't be shy, don't be shy ♪
♪ Come to me, baby, don't be shy... ♪


Damn, nigga, you look like sh1t.

I do?


This is where you really want to be, Charles?

Always wanted to kick it at the Funhouse.

Y'all just never let me partake.

Yeah, out of respect for that ring on your finger.

Get in here, man. Come on.

I'll give you a tour. Come on.

(woman giggles)

Here's the game room.

Full bar. Comes with the ladies.


Hey, what's up, guys?


Whoa! Damn, man.

Yup, yup.

Nice pool.

Well, this is the love pond.

Oh, man. Warm, too.

Must have busted about a thousand nuts in this bitch.


Now this is the freak room.



♪ If you feel like you wanna make love... ♪

I'll bet that's good for your back.

Yeah, it's therapeutic.

Now, this is my favorite spot in the entire house.

♪ Let's party! ♪

Ain't a home till you got that foam.


(chatter, muffled music playing)

(phone beeps on TV)

Woman: Hey, how's it going?

Good. Any emails today?

And this is the home theater.

That's Stoops and that's TTD.

They look after the place.

Hey, what's up, fellas?

Have you seen the movie "Her"?


Dude is in a sexual relationship with his operating system.

(laughs) That sh1t is imaginative.

Check that out sometime.

So you say Bella don't know about this place, huh?

One of the only secrets I've ever been able to keep from her.

Well, that and mixing it up with Alonzo's mom.

But, hell, I didn't even know about that.

Really appreciate you having me, man.

I was getting lonely at the hotel.

I got you. You trying to blow your sh1t up, Charles?

(sighs) I don't know, man.

It's like the walls were closing in at home. I couldn't breathe.

Julie tripping 'cause she ain't pregnant yet.

I feel shitty for giving out your number.

For real, man. I mean, you got a special thing with your wife, a thing I'm far too selfish and immature to have for myself.

You need to go home. The Funhouse is no place for a married man, Chuck.

You know what?

What if I want to be selfish and immature for a change?

You think about that?

I don't know, man.

Mm, Ricky Jarret on TV again.

Reliable sources have reported that a fight between Miami Dolphins wide receivers Ricky Jarret and Alonzo Cooley may have been ignited by Jarret's relationship with his teammate's family member.

Who would have saw this coming?

Ricky Jarret in trouble again.

Think I should lose the beard?

I think you should call Mr. Siefert.

That man took a chance on you.

Both me and Spence vouched.

Man, that's all tabloid bullshit.

Me and Larry, we cool, all right? Cat loves me.

Okay. Yeah.


(phone ringing)

sh1t, this is him right now.

Loves me. Hello, Mr. Siefert. How are you?

Y-yes, sir. Yes, sir. 20 minutes, I'll...

Hello? Hello?

sh1t, I gotta bounce. Enjoy yourself.

(seagulls screeching)

Five minutes early, Mr. Siefert.

Punctuality is your strong suit, Ricky.

Keeping it in your pants is not.


The organization is not so amused.

You should have come clean.

I didn't want to drag you into it.

Sleeping with your teammate's mother.

Scandalous business.

I know it and I'm ashamed.

Bullshit. A man like you has no shame.

You're an entertainer.

But do you see me wearing tails and a top hat?

No, sir.

'Cause this isn't the circus and I'm not a ringleader.

I didn't sign you to create a sideshow, Ricky, become Miami's Ocho or TO.

Alonzo's mom is already talking to "TMZ" and PR's not about to touch it, so you better go out there and kiss some babies.

Yes, sir.

Just do me a favor and don't have s*x with their mothers.

I thought I was pretty clear on the phone explaining the situation, but I guess not, so what's up, fellas?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Everything is everything.

Wow, that's heavy, man.

(Spencer laughs) So you called this meeting at my house at 10:00 at night to tell us that everything is everything?

It's a nice-ass house, Spence.

It's cozy.

Thank you, Vern.

You welcome.

Reggie: I came here for some clarity.

You said Miss Angela Lee took the photos of Vernon.

And photos of you.

Yeah, there's a great shot of you just blowing a huge rail of coke right off a pair of tits.

Which I guess makes it hard to see that someone's pointing a f*cking camera at you.

You can't because your head's down and there's areolas and it f*cks up your periph.

Yeah, yeah, you have a f*cking blind spot.

Like a Hyundai that is fueled by cocaine.

Do you have any idea why? Why Angie would do this?

Give it a shot for a second. Why do you think?

Maybe the f*cking money?

There's that.

But word on the street is you know Angela.

What street is that, Reg? Stupid Street?

You a real funny m*therf*cker, ain't you?

It just comes to you.


Wait, wait, wait, you saying you know Angela?

No, Vernon, they're acquaintances, that's all.

That's f*cked up.

Spencer: Vernon, listen.

Just because I know her, it has nothing to do with her coming after you.

Are you sure about that?

I'm positive.

I gathered us all here to make sure everybody's on the same level.

You better be straight up with us from now on or we might have to make a change.

The fact that I know Angie doesn't mean sh1t.

You're the one doing coke. Don't try and pin this bullshit on me, Reg.

Why not? You said Jason handles the contracts.

Spencer: Right.

Joe handles the money, and you handle everything else in between.

Now, I'm no Dr. Phil, but this kind of feels like an everything else situation.

So you best handle it, bro.

We're handling it, bro, okay?

He's gonna go see Maximo tomorrow and he's gonna get the number down.


Do your thing and let us know how it goes.

And, Spence, no more keeping sh1t from me.

I'll call you tomorrow, Vern.

Vernon: Come on, man.


Everything is everything. (laughs)

(phone rings)


Spencer: Hey, good morning.

Just wanted you to know that I rescheduled my CT exam the day after tomorrow first thing 8:00 A.M.

Glad to hear that.

Trace, I'm really sorry.

I've gotten so damn used to lying to myself that doing it to others has become a habit.

Well, you know I hate being a nag.

I'm glad you got after me.

A boot in my ass from you is exactly what I need.

Just remember, I'm not a life coach, Spencer, okay?

You've got to pull it together.

I will.

I'm just really worried that all the hits I shelled out over the years has knocked something loose upstairs.

All the headaches, the nightmares that I have, the little outbursts...

The truth is this whole thing really scares the sh1t out of me.


Too much information?

(phone buzzing)

Hello, Trace.

I'm literally right next to a f*cking cell tower.

You would think I could hold a signal.

Oh, did you hear Ricky's MILF is talking to "TMZ"?

(sighs) No. What's up?

She is spilling it all. Says he likes to be spanked

'cause he's such a bad boy.

Come on. That sh1t's ridiculous.

(phone buzzes)

That's him on the other line. Let me call you back.

Let me know if there's anything I can do.

Outside of paddling Ricky's ass.

Oh, that's me.

Hey, Rick.

I do not like to be spanked, Spence.

I know.

I never had a woman spank me other than my mother and I deserved that sh1t.

Okay, I want you to calm down.

Kara's just trying to soak up her 15 minutes of fame.

See, now I got Siefert and Bella up my ass, man.

And you got Kara whaling on it.

This is no time for jokes, dude.

The whole f*cking world is crumbling.

I want you to calm down, okay?

You're gonna be fine.

I know exactly the man to call for this.

Yeah? What, you gonna call Mr. Ross?

No, I got another idea.

In the meantime, I want you to go home, put on your Kevlar vest just in case Bella's around, and don't talk to anybody.

Just try and relax, you hear me?

All good?


All right. All right. All good.

All right.

I'll talk to you later, Spanky.

(crowd cheering)

Announcer: Around the final turn they come.

Father's Moustache tiring, followed by...

Come on!

Go, Machete Charge!

Announcer: and Machete Charge!

Stretch, baby! Stretch it!


Joe: Do your job!

Run, you four-legged f*ck! - Go, go, go!

Do your job! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

(continues cheering)

Announcer: Machete Charge!

(crowd cheering)

Oh! What?

That's my pony, baby.


Max, I gotta say, man, you are way more fun outside the office.

This place is f*cking amazing.

I can't believe you've never even been to the track.

Yeah, no, I know, I can't either.

Somehow gambling didn't make it onto my list of vices.

I come for the sheer beauty of watching these beautiful creatures just run on the track.

Here are your mojitos, Maximo.

Thank you, Amanda.

You are looking stunning today.



Plus I've been trying to have s*x with that waitress for nearly a year now. I'm so close.

Just give her an internship. Yeah, it works every time.

You're much better company than Spencer.

That dude needs some anger management skills.

Well, to be honest, Max, he's got a right to be pissed.

I mean, unless you have a picture of Vernon eating a baby, half a million's a ridiculous ask.

Come on, Joe. Vernon and his entire crew, they make it rain wherever they go.

All they gotta do is send some of that green weather our way.

Vern's neck-deep in debt and his first contract's already paid out.

Well, I guess Angela's just gonna have to sell the pictures elsewhere.


Max, you sure you want to be known as an ambulance chaser?

Is that the kind of rep you're trying to build?

Well, like you've never cooked the books?

Don't get high and mighty. We're bonding here.

All right, okay. You're right. You're right.

But if she wants the money fast, she's gotta bring the price down.

What could Vernon afford?

50 grand.

Why don't you sh1t in my shrimp cocktail while you're at it?

You're gonna have to do better than that.





Two... wait.

Just like that, 150?

That was easy.

I'll bring the offer to my client.

In the meantime, how about we order another round and double-fist this baby?

Let's get three.

Let's do it.

Both: Amanda!

♪ I feel like Holyfield, I got the Brooklyn broads biting ♪
♪ Already got my cake, I'm just here for icing... ♪


Come on. Come on.


That's 10.

f*cking A, man.

Yeah. Thank you, T.

Spencer, you kidding me, man?

Cut a deal with Father Time or something? Wow.

I knew I'd find you here.

Hey, by the way, real quick, my bad.

I didn't show up to your big shindig the other night.

You didn't miss a thing.

That's not what I hear.

Ah, man, I got something for you, though.

What do you got?

Are you interested in an exclusive?

Always. On you?

No, no, no. I got something way more juicy.

What could possibly be juic...

Come on, man, you're not actually gonna try and sell me Ricky the m*therf*cker, are you?

Ricky the football player, Jay.

Ricky the motherfucking football player.

Come on, Spence. Why would I possibly do this?

Why? Because if there's a man alive to tell the real story, it's you.

Listen, Ricky's made some mistakes, but he has heart, okay?

And plus, I've got some inside sh1t for you that's gonna make this a must-see.

I'm out here to raise your ratings.

Yeah, thank you, Mr. Nielsen. I appreciate it.

If I do this, no publicist, no PR guys, he doesn't get lawyered up, nothing.

I want the real Ricky.

His career's on the line and the only card that he has left to play is the truth.

And you're gonna get the truth.

You got it. Done.

My man.

Hey, what's happening with Littlefield's contract?

One exclusive at a time, Jay.

Don't hold me back. Come on.

Can't give you everything.

Okay, listen, the moment that comes in, you got the story.

Holding you to that. And right now I need a little work in the gym.

What do you say, a couple rounds with me?

You good?

You ain't ready for Spencey again.

I'm a little 5'7" Jewish guy.

Come on, let's go.

All right, all right.

Glove him up. Let's go.


Theresa: Only two texts in two days?

He just needs to get his head straight.

I don't want him coming back home still thinking there's something better out there.

Letting him leave was the worst thing you could have done.

Ball players don't need freedom.

They need structure, discipline.

You need to have they junk in your hand ready to squeeze like you about to open up a lemonade stand and they nuts providing the juice.

(laughs) Charles isn't like that.

All those years on the road, all those groupies and temptation, he never stepped out on me.

You sure about that?

Trust me.

He is on Spencer's couch right now crying about how much he misses me, hoping I'll let his ass come home.

(bong bubbling)

Woman on TV: Hey, I'm curious.

Did you and Amy ever go out?


You see, in trying to teach her how to love...

Why, are you jealous?

Theo learns about his own self.

How to forgive and move on.

How to heal.

That sh1t's complex.


And don't even get me started on ScarJo.

That is one talented lady.

Bitch should have been nominated.


You hit too much of this Loud?

Dude, if you ain't careful, this Loud sh1t can be crazy.

I think my shoes are wet.


Are your shoes wet?

Dude, we gotta get you some air.

Man, let's get you some air.

(laughing) My shoes are wet!

We gotta get you some air.

Come on. Let's go.

Okay, we're good.

Jason: That's disgusting. She wants me to go meet...

All right, gentlemen, time's up.

Where's your boy?

Uh, let me go get him.

He's putting on his game face. He's ready to roll.


Rick, you all right in there?

I ain't doing it!


(clears throat)

We already discussed this. Can't wait another day.

You know what? I changed my mind.

I ain't doing this Oprah sh1t. No f*cking way.

I'm gonna get crushed.

Calm down. Listen. Look at me. Look at me.

You're already getting f*cking crushed.

We gotta do this, brother. We gotta do it.

No, no, no. No f*cking... I can't do it, man.

f*ck, Miami can cut me. I'm gonna go work for Charles, man.

No. No. No.

Okay, all right, all right.

No, no. Sit the f*ck down.

No, no, I can't... no!

Shh, sit the f*ck down.

Wait, wait, wait.

f*ck this. f*ck this.

Sit down. No, no, no.

Sit the f*ck down. Sit the f*ck down.

Are you f*cking kidding me right now?

First I burn a personal favor with Siefert to bring you in to play for the Dolphins because you knocked out some asshole in the club.

Now I got Jay Glazer out here, who's ready to do a live exclusive to repair the damage that you've already done to your image after you decided to nail your teammate's mom.

That was an accident. You know that.

No, no, no, no.

But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

I'm breaking my f*cking back for you, Rick.

This has to happen.

I'm scared.

What are you scared of?

The end.

You know the end.

Okay. Okay.


This ain't the end.

And this interview isn't just about saving your career.

I'm pissed that the world doesn't know who the real Ricky Jarret is.

The one who eats huevos rancheros at El Pub four days a week.

The one who takes his mom to church on Sundays.

The one who put a complete stranger through college.

The Ricky Jarret who read every single Harry Potter book.

(chuckles) They're underrated.

(both laugh)

They are.

They're under-fucking-rated, okay?

The guy who cracks me up all the time.

Why? Because he is who he is at all times.

No bullshit.

No f*cking filter.

Just Ricky Jarret.

I want you to go out there, own that sh1t.

Show the world who the real Ricky Jarret is.

♪ That's why it's hard for me to find ♪
♪ Can't get it out of my head ♪

Charles: ♪ Miss her, kiss her, love her ♪

♪ Wrong move, you're dead ♪
♪ That girl is poison... ♪

Chuck, security called.

Your wife blew through the front gate.

She's coming in the house.


(tires squeal)

(tires screech)

Julie: Charles!

Gotta get the f*ck up out of here.

Julie: Charles!

Julie: I know your ass is here.





What the f*ck are you doing?


I'm sorry, baby.

I just want to come home. This ain't me.

I swear to God, I don't even know who you are anymore.

Neither do I.

They got some people in there smoking weed all day.


They got this nasty freak room.

Girls playing with themselves and...


Yeah. I just want to come home, baby.

Can I come home, please?

This nasty.


Yes. Baby, come on.


Yes. Come down.


Come to Mama, baby.

I'll take care of you, baby. Come on.

Oh, baby, I love you.


Mm, I love you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Damn right your ass is sorry.

It's about time you get back to who you really are.

Oh, my God!

I'm in the love pond.

Oh, sh1t! Oh, it got in my mouth.

All right, Ricky, we have a new season.

With that, you have a new team.

Just finished up OTAs, so it's really the first time you've had a chance to fully be with your new teammates.

How'd you fit in?

Like a glove, man.

It's beautiful out there. A lot of love.

All good, man.

A lot of love?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, if it's all love, I'm gonna ask you this...

Excuse me, Jay, but I need to get something off my chest.

The floor is yours.

Thank you, sir.

If we had snipers on the roof, now would be a good time to take the shot.

I want to sincerely apologize for the trouble this very brief encounter with Miss Cooley caused the fans.

I want to apologize to Mr. Ross, the entire organization, you know, my teammates, and most importantly Alonzo.

I had no idea she was...

You know, they were family.

Ah, ah. I'm gonna stop you right there.


You've been in this league long enough to know that there's only a couple of things that are truly taboo inside a locker room, right?


Okay, that one right there, that one tops the list.

Well, yeah, I... listen, I love my moms, all right?

I love my moms.

And if I ever found myself in Alonzo's position, I'd have a big problem with it, too. Believe me.

But Alonzo, to his credit, he stood up.

So Alonzo had to step up?

Approached me like a man and we were able to work it out.

We worked it out like grown-ups.

How are you guys now?

Outstanding. We're great.

Brothers-in-arms, man.

You tried to buy Alonzo's number, the number 18, from him, right? Why?

Well, you know, I wore it in high school and that was my number in college as well.

Jay: Nobody offers somebody $40,000 just for a number that you wore in high school and college.

What's the story?

I don't know. It's just a number.

That's more than most people make in a year in this country, right?

What does that number mean to you?

You want to cut to the chase?

It is the only reason I am here.

Well, let's cut to the chase, Jay.

Let's do it.

All right, well, this ain't about the number 18.

This about the number 81.

Number 81? How are we on 81?

My father played pro ball.

He did for about nine years.

Wait, wait, wait.

All this time you've played, we've covered you, this is the first time we're ever hearing you had a dad who played in the league?

He took off on me and my moms before I was born.

Doesn't make me a special case, though.

Most guys I know, shoot, they come from single-parent homes.

But I used to watch him every Sunday on TV and emulate his style.

I wanted to be like my father.

Until I got old enough to understand what he had done, and then I got angry.

Have you ever tried to reach out to him?

Reach out?

(scoffs) Did many a times.

He never once accepted a call, a letter, an email.


(scoffs) He chose not to know me.

He chose not to know me when I won a state title.

He chose not to know me when I won a national title.

He chose not to know me when I got drafted.

He wanted nothing to do with me after all of that.

He wanted nothing to do with me.

So this number...

You see it?

This number.

This number represents the man I am on and off the field.

My dad wore 81.

So I took the number 18 to flip the script.

I swore a long time ago I'd never take the field wearing a jersey that didn't say anything but "f*ck you, Dad" on the front and back.

We are nothing alike.

Ricky motherfucking Jarret.

Jay: You good?

I'm great.

Was I fair?

You were and I killed it, so...

You guys know about the dad?

That I wasn't expecting.

Outstanding. You looked like a movie star.

So proud of you.

Just me being me, baby.

Up next, "Live with Kelly and Ricky."

Watch your back, Michael Strahan.

I wouldn't go that far. Let's slow it down.

I'm gonna call Siefert and tell him to set his DVR.

So proud of you.

Thank you. Good idea. Do that.


Bella. B-Bella!


Bella. Bella. Bella, it's gonna be different now.

It's gonna be different now.

I'm happy for you, Ricky. I really am.

You apologized to everyone but me, and now I gotta go.

But are you...

I promise it's gonna be different now.

(engine starts)

I gotta go. I gotta go.

Babe, don't do that.

I gotta go.

(tires squeal)

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

(tires squeal)


(music playing)

Yeah, I'm not gonna fit in this thing.

Just relax, Mr. Strasmore.

I was sparring with Jay Glazer the other day and he punched me in the head hard at least five or 10 times.

That's probably gonna impact the result of this thing.

We should reschedule.

It won't. Just lie down.

Think about nice things.

It'll all be over soon.

What the f*ck kind of thing is that to say to somebody?

I mean the test.

It's funny you mentioned Jay Glazer.

You see the interview with Ricky Jarret yesterday?

Whew. God damn.

(sighs) Was it that bad?

It was that good.

That brother's got some boulders on him.

I love that m*therf*cker.

(sighs) Well, what's not to love?


♪ That's right ♪
♪ What, what? What, what? Pun, you came up ♪
♪ What, what? Makin' it happen ♪
♪ From rappin' on the corner to possibly going platinum ♪
♪ But when we roll, are you still ready to ride? ♪
♪ Yo, I'll be ready to ride and I'll be ready to die ♪
♪ Pun, you came up ♪
♪ What, what? Makin' it happen ♪
♪ From rappin' on the corner to possibly going platinum ♪
♪ But when we roll, are you still ready to ride? ♪
♪ Yo, I'll be ready to ride and I'll be ready to die ♪
♪ Hey, yo, my word is bond, long as I'm alive, I'ma put it on ♪
♪ Could've gone to G sh1t, thug nigga till I'm gone ♪
♪ Weight of the Bronx I'm flippin', five boroughs thoroughly reppin' ♪
♪ Let's unite the city and step to the world as a weapon ♪
♪ 'Cause everybody's checkin' for Pun, second to none ♪
♪ 'Cause Latins goin' platinum was destined to come ♪
♪ The inevitable, heavenly, better than whatever you do ♪
♪ We eligible, T.S. is incredibly credible ♪
♪ For the revenue we gettin', you open with lyrical dope ♪
♪ And these breaths that are potent is like an injectional dose ♪
♪ And it never quits, take it from T.S.'s top terrorist ♪
♪ Rapper-slash-hijacker bombin' tracks ever since I was young ♪
♪ I wasn't always Big Pun, it wasn't always this fun ♪
♪ Hey, yo, I rose from the slums ♪
♪ I had to pay my due, lay a few... ♪