02x03 - Elidee

Episode transcripts for the 2015 TV show "Ballers". Aired June 2015 - October 2019.*
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"Ballers" is a look at former and current football players, their families, friends, and handlers.
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02x03 - Elidee

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Kane is in the building, n*gga... ♪

(MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ Now tell me how you love it, you know you at the top ♪
♪ When only heaven's right above it, we on ♪
♪ 'Cause we on ♪
♪ Who else is really trying to f*ck with Hollywood Cole? ♪
♪ I'm with Marley G, bro ♪
♪ Flying Hollygrove chicks to my Hollywood shows ♪
♪ And I wanna tell you something that you probably should know ♪
♪ This that "Slumdog Millionaire" Bollywood flow ♪
♪ And, uh ♪
♪ My real friends never hearing from me ♪
♪ Fake friends write the wrong answers on the mirror for me ♪
♪ That's why I pick and choose, I don't get sh*t confused ♪
♪ Don't like my women single, I like my chicks in twos ♪
♪ And these days all the girls is down to roll ♪
♪ I hit the strip club and all them b*tches find the pole ♪
♪ Plus, I been sippin', so this sh*t is movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ Just tell my girl to tell her friend that it's time to go. ♪


(BUZZING)

(GROANS)

It better be your bony ass dialing me.

Spence, see, we got a... we got a serious problem.

Yeah, you're calling me at 5:00 A.M.

Vern f*cked up his leg.

He look like a f*cking horror show.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

Ah!

Damn it. Can he put any weight on it?

Yesterday, yeah, but not now.

He was working out really hard and... and heard a pop.

Like he'd been sh*t?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Uh, sh*t?

No, that's crazy talk.

No, I'm talking about the sound, Reggie.

He might have popped his Achilles.

Meet me at the Sports Med Center.

I'm gonna call Dr. Russ. He did Manning's neck and both of my shoulders. I will meet you there.

And no dicking around, do you hear me?

Yeah. We on the way.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ It's bad, you know ♪
♪ When you're out on the curb... ♪


Raheem!

What's up, man? You need a lift to the facility?

We're driving now, man?

Come on, man, Ricky Jerret hit the open market, they send the most charismatic and influential man in town.

And the man responsible for designing your new contract.

You sound as confident as ever.

Hey, come on, man, New Orleans is the greatest city in America.

Hey, look, folks here, man, they will embrace you and make you one of their own, Rick.

And when they do, you will feel a warmth that you've never felt in your life.

Well, I hope that warmth comes with a big-ass offer.

Hey, trust me, we pulled out all the stops.

And stop one is getting you to Cafe Du Monde to get you a beignet.

To get me a what?

A beignet.

That's what I thought I heard. Let's go.

(ENGINE ROARING)

(MUSIC THUMPING)


Hey, brother, how you feeling?

Oh, you stopped for tacos.

It's a chalupa. I bought you one.

No, no, no. I'm good. I'm good.

We're gonna get you inside.

He was hungry. What I'm supposed to say?

I'm just parking.

It'd be best if I park the car. Let me just do that.

I don't want to get cut on.

It's all right. I got you the best doc in the biz.

I've had seven surgeries with him and every single time it's like taking a nap in the arms of a beautiful lady.

I got to be straight up, Spence.

I wasn't training. I was playing paintball.

Okay, well, don't worry about that, all right?

We're gonna get you better.

Cool.

I guess this answers the question how much training can one man do?

Doc, thanks for getting here so quick.

Lucky for you, I can literally do these in my sleep.

Grab a chair.

Yep.

On your knees, kid.

Thompson test.

It's all right. It's how we check your Achilles.

It's cool, Vern. They just here to help.

Please, please, heavenly Jesus.

Don't f*ck with my Achilles.

Afraid he isn't listening. Prep the OR, please.

Reggie: Hey, listen, Vern, man, it's gonna be all right, man.

There you go.

Doc, a CT scan just to make sure?

Absolutely, but I'm pretty sure the holy one won't come through there either.

I need to get him ready.

Hey, man, you gonna be all right, Vern.

You're gonna come back better than ever. Don't worry about it.

You can climb Mt. Kilimanjaro if you want to.

Stay strong, brother.

I got to call Hal, update the team.

What the f*ck for?

Because Vernon could miss half the season.

What kind of training was he doing?

Paintball.

Hey...

Please, stop.

Just tell me that this is some new sh*t at Jay Glazer's gym.

No, it's not. They were literally running around the woods playing f*cking pretend soldier.

Oh, good, look. There's a defibrillator.

Hey, man, it wasn't my idea. Laser tag is more my game.

I mean, it got air conditioning in there.

They got a snack bar. The snacks are delicious.

Dallas could void Vernon's contract.

f*cking NFls.

What are we gonna tell him?

Reggie: Uh, look, if it's gonna mess with Vern's money, then don't tell him sh*t.

I mean, Vern's got a right to have a life.

God damn it, no.

What? What?

I f*cking agree with Reggie.

What?

Just a matter of time.

All right, I got to take the minivan today.

I'm gonna pick up a big plant for Kiki's room after work.

Help boost the oxygen levels.

Hmm, ever wonder why keys are so popular with babies?

They got nowhere to be.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm good.

Just been up all night thinking about this whole right tackle thing.

It's a tough switch, but you never shied away from a challenge.

Pssh, blocking Chandler Jones is a challenge.

This is like asking a lefty to throw righty, huh?

Huh? It's like when you play left tackle, your dominant side is your right arm and your right leg.

Mm-hmm.

But when you're on the right tackle, it's the whole other way around.

You got different hand placement.

We got different footwork.

You got to get out in front of the run.

It's a lot more hitting.


I'm sorry, baby. I promise you I'm listening, but you look so damn cute right now and I'm late for work.

Whoop, wrong ones.

Spencer Strasmore, number 92.

(PHONE CHIMES)

Sorry, buddy, I've got to get this.

Quick selfie?

Get in there.

Yeah.

(CLICKS)

Thank you.

You're welcome.

(CHUCKLES) Hey, Joe.

Joe: Hey, where the f*ck are you?

Well, Vernon blew out his Achilles, so I'm at the hospital.

Man, is he okay?

He's scared shitless and he should be.

Oh, my God. Well, I'll have Virginia send flowers or something.

But, hey, meantime, your old buddy Andre's banging on our clients.


Who's he trying to take?

All of them.

Everyone except for Vern and Ricky.

What the f*ck?

Yeah, that's right.

Victor Cruz, LaMarr Woodley, Jared Odrick, Spice Adams.

They all got calls.

Spice is retired.

Yeah, well, he's carpet bombing, man.

I told Victor we'd get him a dance studio.

Jared wants a fashion line and Lamar's starting a record label.

His cousin's demo's actually not that bad.

All right, Joe, don't make any promises we can't keep, okay?

Hey, I'm just trying to hold down the fort here, okay, pal? We're under siege.

Any of those guys in town?

Yeah, Spice. He's in town scouting locations for his hotel.

He wants to build a f*cking hotel?

His pitch was very heartwarming. He started to cry.

Joe, we have to get ahead of this.

Let's set up an appointment with Spice, take him for a steak dinner while he's in town.

And, Joe, stop approving sh*t.

Okay. Don't ever tell me what to do. Bye.

(SIGHS)

Tell her multiple times a day I miss her.

All right, baby.

I love you, baby.

(MUSIC BLARING)

Every day with this punk. Hey!

Hey, slow your ass down!

Damn it.

Hey, Spence, you was right. It wasn't that bad after all.

Glad to hear that. Now, you want to tell us why the f*ck you were playing paintball?

Just trying to keep it loose.

Vernon, you can't play paintball, basketball, baseball, anything with a f*cking ball in it in the off-season for this exact reason.

Technically, it's more like a pellet.

Vernon, you have an entire organization, teammates that depend on you.

You can't keep taking risks with your career for shits and giggles like this.

What's the point of working so hard if you can't have any fun?

You don't get paid if you don't play.

They have to pay him. The contract's guaranteed.

Not if they find out it's a non-football injury.

So then they won't find out. I mean, nobody saw us.

Jason already told them that Vern was working out.

Look, you were in the backyard doing agility drills with Marcus, all right?

Three cone L drills.

I don't like to lie.

Vernon, Dallas can never find out how this happened.

Hey, man, you're not property, Vern.

You don't owe them nothing.

Three cone L drill it is, I guess.

You know, I still show my guys clips from that game you had as a rookie.

They had a meaningless week 16 game versus Denver and you put up 217 yards mostly on little slants.

We lost 42-14.

But who got those 14?

I did.

(LAUGHING)

Damn right, you did.

Listen, Miami, they didn't utilize your speed like we will.

And you still stuffed the stat sheet.

Yeah, we're totally open if you have any plays you want to bring with you.

No, I'm all about the present and the future.

That's good to hear. You got any questions for us?

Yeah.

Where's the love?

Moms worked hard saving up dough, so every summer when it got a little hot in the hood, she would take us kids to a little motel on the beach in AC.

Place was a rathole, but I had the best times of my life there.

Yeah, fond memories. You know, it's sentimental. It gets you right there.

Yeah, my hotel is gonna be elegant and cool, but affordable so anybody can come.

I'm gonna name it after my moms.

Elidee.

Elidee.

Elidee?

It means honorable.

Wow, nice.

Oh, my God, doesn't that just melt your heart or what?

Yeah.

Man, I hope someday some kid will come to Elidee and feel the exact same way that I did minus the bedbugs and bloodstains.

(LAUGHS) Bloodstains.

Well, hotels are hot right now, especially in Miami.

Mm-hmm.

That's what Andre said.

Yeah.

Look, Spice, it's a boom or bust town.

How much you putting in?

Four million.

Four million. It's no chump change, brother.

Well, hey, look, if the location's right, we should explore it.

I got a primo spot in Key Largo.

Nice.

So let me go unleash hell real quick, and we'll talk more about it.

All right. All right.

What the f*ck are you doing?

Oh, my God, will you just hold on to your principles for a few days and do whatever the man says, please?

$4 million is way too much of a risk for him.

He wants to honor his dead mom.

I've already got Vernon lying to Dallas about his injury.

I'm in no mood to bullshit anybody anymore.

Don't be so quick to judge, okay?

Let's go see the property. Give it a chance.

No f*cking way. I've been up since 5:00 A.M.

I'm about ready to pass out now.

Oh, whaa, whaa.

Listen to you.

Take a nap.

Touch your heart again when he's telling you a story.

I was actually touched by that.

What is this? We didn't order dessert.

It's compliments of Miami Wealth Management.

Andre also picked up your tab. He's such a mensch.

He's the best.

So, you guys want to go check this property out with your boy?

It's a brilliant idea, Spice.

Yeah.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

You're not gonna leave this here, are you?

No way. We'll box that up.

We already got the tab.

That's what I'm talking about.

Hut.

Bad news about the minivan, babe.

Started making this little click, click, click noise, so I had to bring it into the shop.

Okay. Damn!

I mean, it's all good. I can pick it up in the morning.

Oh, no, no, no. It's not you.

I'm trying to play with the right tackle and I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do this.

I mean, I guess if this is what the Dolphins want, I got no choice.

It's not like teams are lining up for a 35-year-old tackle.

Hey, you're not just any tackle, baby.

You the Black Swan.

Oh, mmm.

Okay, baby, I just... I got to make me one block.

You just did.

Hey.
♪ Let me tell you about a little situation ♪
♪ That's been testing my patience ♪
♪ Man, she was keeping me up all night... ♪


(KNOCKS)

♪ We were off to the races ♪
♪ And I thought to myself... ♪


Jay, Hal. Sorry to keep bugging you.

Where the f*ck is our player?!

Call me, you son of a bitch.

Hey, Reg, man, let me know when he gone.

I got to pee like a bitch.

Looks great if you picture it without the garbage, you know?

Wow, I'm shocked no one's pounced on this place.

Yeah. Yeah, you know, I think with a little work, this place could be the Shangri-La of the Keys.

(PHONE CHIMES)

Guys, I've got to take this. What's up, Jay?

Vernon's gone AWOL again. He's not taking my calls.

Hal even flew in from Dallas and said that he wasn't home.

You try the hospital?

Yeah, he was released after surgery.

Look, you know, I got company.

I'm gonna shut it down for the day. I need to unwind.

All right, no problem. I'm gonna find him.

All right, maybe you'll find him zip-lining over a lake of fire or f*cking skiing off-piste in the Swiss Alps.

I've got bad news, boys.

What's up?

Those are red mangrove.

Yeah, they're beautiful, right?

They're also blocking the view.

So we just hack them out.

It's against the law to cut these down, Spice.

These look like they got a lot of growing to do.

Well, that will help with shoreline erosion, right?

And not everybody likes looking at the water.

That's right.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, those people don't come to the Florida f*cking Keys, guys.

Come on, look at this.

So you're not into it?

Of course he's into it. We're both into it.

It's just gonna take a little vision, right, Spence?

It's gonna take a little vision, but maybe we can make it work.

See, huh?

There we go.

Elidee.

Elidee, yeah.

Elidee.

We need a vet like you in our receiver room.

Someone who can show these young guys what it takes to be a real pro and a reliable third down guy for crunch time.

We need a leader.

You can finish your career here in New Orleans.

Yeah, Steve Smith played till he was 36.

And here's proof that we believe you have that kind of longevity.

And it's a great offer.

♪ Take me to a West Side party, girl ♪
♪ The West Side party gonna rock ♪
♪ I'm going to the East Side... ♪


(PHONE CHIMES)

Rick, how's the Big Easy, brother? Talk to me.

I'm ready to get the f*ck out of here.

They lowballing you already?

No, the offer's solid, actually, but for a city full of soul, I ain't feeling it.

No Coach Payton, no Drew Brees.

They want to get into Ricky Jerret's pants, they better bring their A game.


Okay, no, no, no. I hear you.

But listen, Payton and Brees are probably not there because they're probably on vacation with their families or something like that.

Hell, I could use a vacay. sh*t, I planned on going to Jerusalem this summer.

Instead, I'm flying my ass around all over the country trying to get a new job.

Okay, well, let's just be smart, keep a calm head, all right?

sh*t, you didn't when you were here.

No, that's right, I didn't.

Instead of riding off into the sunset, I drove right into a f*cking brick wall. Thank you, honey.

Listen, turn the phone off tonight and get some sleep, okay?

Sounds like you should do the same, Spence.

No rest for the weary, brother.

You know that.

I feel you.

Oh, some dude named Andre Alan called about an investment opportunity.

What'd you tell him?

Told him he can kiss my ass.

I got the best moneyman in the business.

(LAUGHS) My man. My man.

All right, get some rest and I'll call you tomorrow.

Where's Spice?

Oh, he's pissing in the mangroves.

To the honorable Elidee.

You know this property is no good.

It's not that terrible.

It's a piece of sh*t.

Just please quit being so pessimistic.

Stop being so soft. Without trust we got nothing.

What the f*ck are we supposed to do, then, with fuckface Andre trying to steal all our clients?

Just tell Spice it's sh*t and let him run into the arms of the competition?

Joe, we're his advisors, okay?

And stringing him along just to save our asses, that's not right.

Hey, sometimes you got to paint outside the lines, okay?

Everybody does it.

Where you think you're going?

I got to puke up the last four rounds just real quick.

(PHONE CHIMING)

My man Spence. I think I'm ready for another round.

(LAUGHS)

This hotel thing isn't gonna happen here, Spice.

What? What you mean?

I mean you don't have the money, the location sucks, EPA is gonna be up your ass, Coastal Commission is gonna be up your ass.

It's not a good deal.

I'm bored out of my f*cking mind, Spencer.

I need this.

And we're gonna get it for you, okay?

I promise you that. We did it for Suh.

We're doing it for our other clients and eventually we're gonna do it for you.

But you got to take my word for this.

This is not the place, okay?

And listen, going broke on this deal just to honor your dead mother is not the way to do it, brother.

Who said she was dead?

I'm really sorry. I... wow, I'm really f*cked up right now.

I just thought the way you were present... you know what I'm saying, right?

Okay. I see what you're saying, Spence.

But I ain't giving up on it.

I ain't gonna let you give up on it.

Why don't you come to the office on Monday?

Let's sit down, let's find a prime location.

Let's build a beautiful hotel and we're gonna honor your mother who's still alive.

Appreciate it.

All right, I appreciate you.

Thank you for trusting me.

Yes, sir.

You lovebirds ready to do some sh*ts?

(GROANS)

Huh?

Whoo.

(ENGINE REVVING)

I'm gonna k*ll this punk.

(MUSIC BLARING)

Julie?

Hey.

I thought you went to work.

First I had to pick up my baby daddy's whip.

Oh, really?

(LAUGHS)

You did this for me?

I couldn't resist, baby.

You make being a dad look so easy, hard to remember you as a football player.

Oh, what you working with here?

(TURNS UP MUSIC)

Hey.

♪ Never disturb a baker when he's mixing up the flour ♪
♪ Devour these criminals stepping on my toes... ♪


How much time you got before work?

7:05. The clock is ticking.

Two-minute drill?

You better play to win, Charles.

I can't be going into overtime.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Come on, baby.

No, no, no.

I got a different idea.

(SQUEALS)

I got a different idea.

Break it in.

Oh, you got the plant.

Yeah.

God, I'm gonna tear you up, girl.

(JULIE GIGGLES)

f*cking Andre.

(KNOB RATTLES)

Vernon, open up. It's me.

Vernon, we don't got to do this anymore. Open up.

Vernon, it's Spence.

Really?

Sorry, I was just doing what Vern asked me to do.

Put a pot of coffee on, please.

Um, how do you take it?

Black, no sugar. And find a better spot for this.

People have been trying to reach you, man.

I turned off my ringer.

It's not a good way to play it, Vern.

Jay Glazer kept calling me.

I don't know how he got my number.


He probably just wants a quote.

Then the boss man kept hitting me.

So I shut the phone down.

Vernon, you always take the boss's call even when you're scared.

sh*t, I feel bad.

I let them all down.

Yeah, yeah. And now you got Hal stalking through your bushes like a f*cking pedophile.

Vernon, these are the guys that sign your checks.

I don't want to lie to them, Spence.

Then don't.

If your gut says tell the truth, then that's exactly what you should do.

What if they decide to cut me loose?

Let me tell you something, Vern.

(GROANS)

I once did some sh*t that I didn't want to face, so I dropped my phone in a glass of beer.

Not too long after that, I was packing for New Orleans.

Brother, make the call.

You need Dallas just as badly as they need you.

(SIGHS)

All right, Spence.

(RINGING)

Vernon, we've been worried about you.

How are you?

Been a whole lot better, sir.

But my agent says when I come back, I'll be able to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro.

Well, maybe I'll join you.

I wanted to make sure the Plug was taking care of himself.

Doing my best, sir.

If ignoring your calls and hiding from Hal is your best, son, it simply won't do.

I know, I know. I'm sorry.

Tell me what really happened.

Honestly, I lied to Jason.

I wasn't training when I got hurt.

I was playing paintball with my friends.

Paintball?

Yes, sir.

Paintball. Ever tried it?

Good-bye, Vernon.

Hello?

Raheem: Yo, Rick.

What, you ain't gonna let me leave?

I ain't afraid to fly commercial.

Come on, you don't think we'd actually send off Ricky Jerret that way.

Who's we?

(BAND PLAYING)

(LAUGHS)

Oh, man.

(LAUGHS)

You feel the love now, Ricky?

Oh, uh, absolutely, Coach Payton.

I did not expect you.

Hey, it's good to see you. Drew wanted to be here, too, but he's with the family down in New Zealand.

It's good having you.

I understand that.

It's good to be here.

(CHOIR SINGING)

♪ Can you feel the love? ♪
♪ Can you feel the love? Can you feel the love? ♪

♪ Can you feel the love? ♪

♪ Can you feel the love? ♪

It's all about you. Go on, feel it.

We gonna win the championship.

♪ You know what I'm saying is true ♪
♪ I can feel the love, can you feel it, too? ♪
♪ I can feel the love... ♪

Beautiful. Beautiful.

♪ I can feel the love ♪
♪ You know what I'm saying is true ♪
♪ I can feel the love... ♪

Ladies, wave those pom-poms.

♪ I can feel the love. ♪

(CHEERING)

Crowd: Who dat, Ricky Jerret? Who dat? Who dat?

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Who dat, Ricky Jerret?

♪ You know what I'm saying is true ♪
♪ I can feel the love, can you feel it, too? ♪
♪ I can feel it, oh ♪
♪ I can feel it, oh ♪
♪ You know what I'm saying is true ♪
♪ I can feel the love, can you feel it, too? ♪
♪ I can feel it, oh ♪
♪ I can feel it, oh... ♪

(VOCALIZING)
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