02x05 - Most Guys

♪ Kane is in the building, nigga... ♪

(MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ Now tell me how you love it, you know you at the top ♪
♪ When only heaven's right above it, we on ♪
♪ 'Cause we on ♪
♪ Who else is really trying to f*ck with Hollywood Cole? ♪
♪ I'm with Marley G, bro ♪
♪ Flying Hollygrove chicks to my Hollywood shows ♪
♪ And I wanna tell you something that you probably should know ♪
♪ This that "Slumdog Millionaire" Bollywood flow ♪
♪ And, uh ♪
♪ My real friends never hearing from me ♪
♪ Fake friends write the wrong answers on the mirror for me ♪
♪ That's why I pick and choose, I don't get sh1t confused ♪
♪ Don't like my women single, I like my chicks in twos ♪
♪ And these days all the girls is down to roll ♪
♪ I hit the strip club and all them bitches find the pole ♪
♪ Plus, I been sippin', so this sh1t is movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ Just tell my girl to tell her friend that it's time to go. ♪

Dr. Robbins: Glad you finally made it in.

Yeah, it's been a busy couple of weeks.

Mmm, how's the hip been feeling?

Oh, feels great.

Just got to manage the pain a little bit.

Afraid it's not going to be that simple.

Your articular cartilage is severely deteriorated.

You have osteoarthritis.

I'm sorry, I blacked out for a second.

I thought you said I had arthritis.

You've been walking around with your ball and socket rubbed raw.

You might need a replacement.

A hip replacement?

(LAUGHS) Come on.

That sh1t's for gummers. Come on, I'm 40.

41 and your hip thinks you're 80.

(LAUGHS) Okay, my ball and socket are just fine, okay?

Maybe I banged it up a little bit, but I've been walking on this thing for years.

And you've also been popping pills like Altoids and avoiding physical exams, which is exactly why you're in this position.

We can talk about my hip replacement when I get my AARP card.

But until then, I'm gonna stick with pain management.

Not gonna happen.

What are you saying?

We had an arrangement.

Yeah, we did have an arrangement.

I was gonna come in for my physical and then you give me my pills.

There's a much bigger problem here.

Yeah, you won't give me my pills.

You can't run from this anymore, Spencer.

(GROANS)

I won't run. I'll hobble.

Okay?

(WHISTLES)

Buddy.

Something on your mind or are you just trying to wow me with your new threads?

I want to meet Travis Mack.

(LAUGHS) I'm not so sure you do anymore.

You said he was a moneymaker.

He'd be a great piece of business for us.

You know, his attitude needs a major tune-up.

He almost got me killed in the Glades.

He couldn't have put you through the wringer more than I did.

Look, I will take a couple snarling pit bulls over the unknowns of swamp water any day of the week.

I could straighten him out.

I think you really should wait until your registration clears.

We're just gonna talk football. We'll leave finance out of it.

Spencer, this is a dangerously gray area.

You know the NFLPA is not at all cool with financial managers talking to players before they get drafted let alone drinking before noon.

I need this badly.

Hey, check this out. I had some of the guys from the team sign it.

Joe, what's happening with our registration?

Application went in months ago, but the background checks take time.

Jay, go long.

Go long where?

Go short.

Call them. Light a fire under their ass, okay?

I got a lot of friends over there. It shouldn't take this long.

Then you f*cking call them.

God damn it, man.

I can't do everything around here, okay?

Stop jerking off and get some f*cking answers so we can sign Travis Mack and I can get Anderson's foot out of my ass.

Okay, I'll go light a f*cking fire.

But if you're gonna speak to me in that tone of voice, you can go f*ck yourself.

Jay.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(RADIO BLARING)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(BRAKES SCREECH)

I got to go.

Already told you to slow down.

Charles, get out of the street.

I'm warning you.

I know where you live. I'll talk to your parents.

My parents bought me this car, you tub of sh1t.

You better watch your mouth before you get knocked out.

Whoa, sorry.

Okay.

I'll slow it down.

All right. That's more like it.

Now go ahead. Get out of here.

(REVS ENGINE)

Later, fat ass.

(TIRES SQUEAL)

(LAUGHS)

Dallas could have hit Vern hard for that NFI. He's a very lucky man.

Wouldn't know it if you saw how down he is.

Down about what? He'll get paid and have the chance to play again.

You on Twitter?

No, Reg, I'm a grown-up with reasonably high self-esteem.

It's a great way to get laid.

And I will look into it right away.

But there's a downside. Vern's been at home on the couch reading negative sh1t about himself all day.

Well, that's just not healthy.

I'm thinking to get something to brighten his mood.

Came to check first.

(LAUGHS) That is a major step towards fiscal responsibility, Reg.

I'm learning.

I am proud of you.

So what's it gonna be, huh? A car?

A boat? Jet? Jet boat?

Vern's been talking a lot about a pet.

Unconditional love. You feel me?

Uh-huh, yeah, I feel you. How about a cat?

Um, a real man needs a real animal.

I got a f*cking cat, dude.

His name is Socks and he's adorable.

Look at... f*ck you.

You don't get it. Not gonna sit here and convince you.

Who you calling?

Ricky Jerret.

His animal guy is the sh1t.

Buffalo wants you badly.

What, more than New Orleans?

33 million over three years.

Half of it guaranteed.

What you think, Spence?

That is a lot of f*cking money.

Hell, yeah. That's a healthy chunk of change.

And at this point in your career, that is the best offer that we're gonna get.

Rex loves mavericks like you.

The owner's building a brand-new stadium.

And that quarterback is on the come up.

Tyrod.

Mm-hmm.

And with the shape that you're in combined with their state-of-the-art training facility, you could play until you're 40 if you wanted.

Yeah, man, their running game is strong, opens up the deep ball for you.

And New York City is just a quick charter away.

There's a lot of financial opportunity there.

New York City.

You help the Bills dethrone the Patriots, they're gonna remember you forever, brother.

Give me 24 hours of quiet time, think on it.

(MONKEYS SCREECHING)

Yo, I got to get off this dude's jet stream.

Damn animals smell better than he does.

Ricky says he's the best. Fully committed to this.

I can tell. Look like he sleep in a damn cage.

Sleeping in the cage is the only way your mother would spend the night.

(LAUGHING)

Joe: Look at that ugly m*therf*cker right here.

Hey, yo, yo, what the f*ck is that?

That is a f*cking alpaca.

Gross.

Birds. You don't want a bird, man.

No.

Monkeys... you don't want a f*cking monkey.

Michael Jackson had a monkey, though.

Joe: Monkeys will rip your face and your dick off.

Yo, yo, yo, yo.

(PANTHER ROARS)

Yo, that's the one right there, man.

Joe: Yeah.

Reggie: Oh, man.

Yo, I'm gonna call it Huey Newton.

(LAUGHS) Yeah, this one's perfect.

We'll take this one. What's the damage on that?

Sorry, gents, no longer for sale.

Luke Kuechly claimed him.

f*cking Kuechly.

Oh, yeah, business has been booming.

Let's see, Dalton got my bengal.

Marshawn got the tortoise.

Dez got the zebra and Gurley got my lemurs.

Okay, so what you got left, man?

(CHUCKLES)

(SCREAMING)

f*cking pull it out.

I'm trying!

It's like a big goat. It doesn't look that strong.

You're not doing it, man. sh1t, get your ass...

(JOE LAUGHING)

Reggie: f*ck, man.

Oh!

Oh, it's in my mouth!

(LAUGHING) Oh, sh1t!

(REGGIE COUGHING)

It's in my mouth. Oh. Oh, sh1t. Oh, my God.

Try that again, you Rihanna-looking m*therf*cker.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(PHONE WHISTLES)

(SIGHS)

You don't even know my mom.

♪ Mm-mmm, Grandma's hands ♪
♪ Clapped in church on Sunday morning ♪
♪ Grandma's hands played her tambourine so well ♪
♪ Grandma's hands used to issue out a warning ♪
♪ She'd say, "Billy, don't you run so fast" ♪

You might fall on a piece of glass... ♪

Here you go.

Thanks. Take a seat, Mr. Chavez.

Okay.

(GROANS)

Woman: Mr. Chavez.

This way.

Hello, hello.

Hello.

Dr. Frey, pleased to meet you.

Hey, Doc. Good to meet you.

You come highly recommended.

So, you've been having headaches?

Yes.

Joint pain?

Definitely.

Problems with your equilibrium?

Oh, bumping into sh1t all day.

Okay, this ought to hold you through the month.

If not, come back and see me.

Thank you.

You know, it's a short-term thing.

30 days can pass just like that, Mr. Chavez.

Pay out front.

All right.

Give my best to Maximo.

Yeah, I will. Thank you.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(RICKY LAUGHS)

Ricky: I'll take her number. I'll take her number.

I'm not taking his number, though. I got him already.

Ttd: You gonna share?

You gonna share that fruity ass drink?

Oh, come on, Chuck, man. I brought you here to break your funk, not to see you sink deeper into it.

Yeah, Buffalo and New Orleans ain't calling me with no huge contract.

You got options, brother.

And so do you.

Option number one is going over there and telling Siefert he's a piece of sh1t for cutting you like he did.

That ain't me.

Well, sometimes we got to do things we don't want to do.

Like you think I wanted to go on that stage and put myself on display like a piece of meat?

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

No, I did not. And I did it to help the Webster feed the homeless.

If you can't get past your good-natured self and do it, I'll go over there and do it for you.

What is it, Ricky Martin? Oh, sh1t.

Hey, Bell.

Long time no see, Rick.

Mm.

What's up? You boys are out on the prowl tonight?

Married.

Hell, yeah. You see all these bit... nope, nope.

Just helping my man get his mind off some sh1t.

Yeah, I have a penchant for fashion.

Particularly skinny jeans.

They give me the nut support that I receive on field off field and make my butt look tight.

Good to see you, Bell.

Good to see you.

Wait, I'm...

Can I get you a drink?

I'm a fuckup, man.

Oh, come on. Don't say that.

No, man, like, everything I do turns to sh1t.

Shakedowns, injuries, demonic, overgrown f*cking poodle on the loose and sh1t.

I can't do sh1t right.

Well, you got Vern out of Crenshaw, right?

Man, his talent did that.

Yeah, but you kept him off the corner and in the classroom.

How you know about it?

Me and Nate text a lot.

I mean, mostly about weed, but, you know, he speaks up for you is what I'm saying.

Maybe Vernon is better off without me now.

Oh, come on.

Look, it's not easy playing second banana to a star like Vern.

Believe me. But, hey, without Pippen, there'd be no Jordan.

Right? Without Flavor Flav, there'd be no Chuck D.

Without Garfunkel, there'd be no Simon.

Know what I'm saying?

Okay, I did until you mentioned the Garfunkel sh1t, then you lost me.

I don't... it sound like two old white men.

Simon and Garfunkel are two very old white men, yeah.

I don't know why I thought referencing them would help illustrate my point, but what I'm saying is... what I'm saying is we have value.

You know? And Spencer and Vern know that.

They know that.

sh1t. Look, look, look.

Right there. Now, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

I got it. sh1t.

Hey, listen, Rihanna.

Look, I'm sorry for throwing shade your way, okay?

Now, my boy Vernon needs a new friend, okay?

Now, you're not as funny or as charming as me, but they say pets heal emotional wounds that people can't.

Okay, so, hey, man, let's give my man... let's give my man Vernon... give him a smile, eh?

Yeah? Yeah.

There we go.

Buffalo's on the rise.

The culture up there has completely changed.

Ricky, the culture in Western New York never changes.

You think you're gonna find a fashion show in Buffalo that isn't built around hunting and fishing gear?

They came in big, though, Bella.

They showed a lot of love.

You already have more money put away than any player I know.

Any other offers?

Yeah, New Orleans.

Oh, that would be cool.

We had a great time at Jazz Fest.

We did.

(LAUGHS)

And you should have plenty more offers after the year you had.

Oh, you've been following me?

You were on my fantasy team.

We talking football or daydreams?

You helped me win my league.

(BOTH LAUGH)

I'm glad I could do right by you for once.

(APPLAUSE)

Look, it's not my place to say, but if you have to leave Miami, you should go someplace that's really right for you.

Now, I don't know where that is, but I'm pretty sure it's not Buffalo.

I hope you figure it out.

It was good to see you, Bella.

You, too.

Maybe we should bring Vern out here, huh?

I don't want Rih-Rih sh1tting all over the marble floors.

Yeah, good idea. All the excitement might make her nervous.

Yeah, making me nervous.

I might sh1t all over the marble floors.


(MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHISPERING)

Nate: What's up, boys?

Hey, look, Nate got me a puppy.

I'm gonna name him Plug like my nickname.

Ain't he cute?

Yeah. Yeah. He's... I love him.

I got... I got to go.

Yeah, I'm gonna give him a ride.

Nate, they high or what?

Now, that's very possible.

♪ I'm on a new level, I'm on a new level ♪
♪ Bought me a new shovel ♪
♪ Put these niggas in the dirt ♪
♪ Chain with the new bezel ♪
♪ All my niggas put in work... ♪

(PHONE CHIMING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Hello?

Man: Spencer f*cking Strasmore, you filthy whore.

Mom, is that you?

(LAUGHS) It's Clyde Jackson.

Clyde the Glide?

The one and only.

How the f*ck are you, man?

All good, man.

Hey, I can't wait for this afternoon.

What are you talking about?

I'm coming to see you, buddy.

To finalize your registration.

You work for the NFLPA now?

Yeah.

D. Smith brought me on last year.

(SILENT)

Wow, well, that's just fantastic.

Congratulations, man. I'm very happy for you.

Yeah, thank you. Hey, your guy Joe is f*cking relentless.

Our receptionist wanted to throw himself off the roof.

(LAUGHS) Yeah, that Joe, he's a madman.

Hey, I look forward to seeing you later.

I can't say it'll be as fun as Pro Bowl weekend, but should be smooth sailing.

Yes, sir. I'll see you then.

All right.

(PHONE BEEPS)

Whoo! (GRUNTS)

♪ Mama, if I die, then put them roses on my casket ♪
♪ If I burn in hell, I hope she smoking on my ashes ♪
♪ My city's in a race... ♪

Ricky, we got 33 million on the table, all right?

I can't leave Buffalo in the lurch much longer. I need an answer.

Won't be my last offer, right?

No, but it could be your highest. Up! Good.

Concentrate.

Here's Swamp Thing.

Let me go get him.

I'm Travis.

Come on, last rep. Last rep. Last rep.

Good.

$33 million.

It's right there waiting for you, Rick.

I know this sounds crazy, but I'm not really seeing myself in Buffalo, man.

It's not feeling like the right fit.

Okay. So let's turn 'em down.

And watch Jason flip out for turning down all that cash?

Hey, there's 30 other teams out there in the league, man.

Okay? And once they find out that Ricky Jerret ain't all about the money, then people will start to understand what's really important to you.

Hell, you might even figure that sh1t out, too.

Spencer Strasmore.

Yo.

Meet Travis Mack. Good luck. Godspeed.

Ricky, can we talk?

Hey.

Jason tells me you used to play football.

Something like that, yeah.

Charles, I'm glad you came by.

I got something to say. When you cut me, I held my tongue.

That's 'cause how I came up. Now, I thought I believed in what you were doing.

I tried to respect it, but I don't.

I'm all ears.

Pardon my language, but you created a f*cking disaster on the O-line.

I've heard worse.

Philly Martz is a damn good player, but he weighs in at 330.

Danny can maul, but he's not agile enough to move laterally.

Kovac may be cheap, but all he can do is stick and drive.

And Franklin, sh1t, I don't know what the hell you ever saw in Franklin.

Are you just coming at me with problems or you got a solution?

You should go smaller. Transition from a power scheme to a zone.

That's why you guys were at the bottom of the league in rushing last season.

Coach Berg caught up in the romance of '72.

Maybe you'd like to come back to the team.

I just said go smaller, didn't I?

I don't want you on the field, Charles.

I want you to work for me here in the front office.

Lend your expertise. Obviously you're not short on opinions, and when you let them fly, they do make sense.

And I could use the help. How about it?

Jason seems to think I could help you.

sh1t, I had 20 other agents begging for a chance to rep me.

Ah, right, and not one of them will give a f*ck about you long-term 'cause you're a one-contract catch in their eyes.

You ever heard of Brian Bosworth?

Yeah, the Boz is badass.

You want to be a badass or would you rather have a long-term career in the NFL?

Most guys don't even get that chance, Travis.

Right now, let me tell you something, you are looking like most guys.

Can most guys do this?

(BEATBOXING)

(LAUGHS)

Most guys couldn't do that.

Just like most teams wouldn't give a f*ck if you beatbox, make your titties move, jerk off in your own time.

You got holes in your game, bro.

sh1t, my game is better than yours ever was.

Ha, you think those sexy college stats mean anything? They don't mean dick, dude.

And that story about you skipping the combine because you wanted to buck the system?

I see right through that bullshit.

You skipped the combine because you didn't want them to see what I already see.

Most guys.

Well, what I see is I see a fossil clinging to his former glory by hitching his wagon to my star.

Okay.

26, 27, 28, 29, 30.

You ain't gonna keep going?

You're up.

Hey, if you want to make yourself easy to beat, that's your call, man.

(EXHALES)

Wow, strong already.

I might have misjudged you.

Okay.

Perfect form.

12, 13, 14, 15.

Running out of steam already.

Blow me.

17, 18, 19.

You got to be sh1tting me.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Oh, good God.

There you go, honey.

You know why the NFL doesn't want you, Travis?

Because deep down inside you're afraid that everybody will see you're a fake.

You should quit and go hide in the f*cking swamps.

Shut up.

You'll be much happier there.

There we go. Good job, sweetheart.

f*ck you, man. I'm out of here.

26 reps.

Woman: Wow. Wow.

Shut up!

(LAUGHS)

Woman: He has a big head.

(DISTANT MUSIC BLARING)

♪ What's up? ♪
♪ Dirty soda, Spike Lee, white girl, Ice-T ♪
♪ Fully loaded AP ♪
♪ Yeah, I just f*cked your bitch ♪
♪ In some Gucci flip-flops ♪
♪ I just had some bitches and I made them lip lock... ♪

(ENGINE REVS)

(TIRES SQUEAL)

(PHONE CHIMES)

(SIGHS)

I never used to give a sh1t what people thought about me.

Not sure what all changed.

I don't know. Maybe they're right. Maybe I ain't all that.

Well, it's natural to feel that way.

Everyone's eyes are on you.

You're in the spotlight 24/7.

But your questionable bench strength, your sh1t f*cking attitude doesn't say a thing about the man who goes out every Saturday and plays ball like his life depends on it.

The only thing that's missing from you is humility and I just gave you your first dose of it. (LAUGHS)

All right, so you don't fit the critic's mold.

So what?

The trick is convincing them that the measurements, the equations, the judgments, none of that means a f*cking thing.

You up for that?

Where do we start?

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Hey, where the f*ck you been?

f*cking working out with Travis.

Shh, there's a guy from the NFLPA here.

Yes, Clyde. He called.

It ain't Clyde.

It's some f*cking beady-eyed guy.

He said they want to keep it objective.

What the f*ck does that mean?

Maybe they found your s*x tape.

I don't have a s*x tape.

Wait, really? You don't have a s*x... even I have a s*x tape, man.

I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a really awful s*x tape.

If somebody found it, they definitely wouldn't want to watch it.

And if they watched it, they certainly wouldn't want to talk about it.

Joe. Joe.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I don't know. Maybe somebody tipped him off about Travis.

We were just working out.

Then what the f*ck would they want?

Well, guess we're about to find out. Let's go.

No, you're about to find out.

He said they're not interested in me.

I can't say that hurts my feelings, either.

How's D. Smith, by the way? I heard he hired Clyde.

Good. Busy. He said to say hello.

I bet. They're good men. We go way back.

Yeah, they mentioned that.

I'm gonna get you some water.

No, thanks.

What do you want?

No, thanks.

Okay. All right.

Let me know.

Since I know you'd like to continue handling our union members' money, we felt it necessary to take a look at yours.

Okay.

So how much would you say you've netted over the course of your career?

(SIGHS) Uh, it's not that simple.

Well, you know, ballpark it. Just, you know, humor me.

We'll get into the highway robbery of Uncle Sam and agents later.

Yeah, my agent earned every dime, buddy.

I don't know about that Uncle Sam.

Uh, okay, let's give this a crack.

My first contract was in '96.

Five over five, one million guaranteed.

Four-year extension in '99.

$12 million, three of it guaranteed.

Next contract after that was post Super Bowl.

$20 million with six of it guaranteed.

It was cut in half, though, when I got traded.

And then the downtick started to happen.

After that, it was 10 for three.

$10 million?

Mm-hmm.

You call that a downtick?

(LAUGHS) In context, yes, it's a downtick.

Uh, the final two years of my career I spent in New Orleans. Great city.

Made the vet league minimum of 925K per year.

You netted almost $30 million over the course of your career.

I had a hell of a career.

So my question is...

Where did it all go?

Can you blame me?

No.

I had to take care of a lot of people back then.

Did I have some luxuries? Yes, absolutely.

But there was never any gross misappropriation of funds ever.

And like a lot of players back then, I thought it would last forever, but I realize now that it doesn't and I'm a much better man for it.

I have a private placement memorandum here.

It's a real estate deal in conjunction with a Mr. Andre Alan.

Yeah. Yeah.

Took a loss just like everybody else in 2008.

Nothing egregious.

Well, from where I'm sitting, it looks as egregious as it gets.

Anyone else involved?

No. No, not that I know of.

Just me.

Okay.

Look, you were in the union, so I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but too many of our guys are ending up broke.

So we're gonna need to look deeper into this.

Okay?

Sure. Sure.

Thank you for your time.

Yeah. Hey, thank you.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ Grandma, your generation believed in talk ♪
♪ Scared of the very steps in which you walked ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Father listened to all that was said ♪
♪ Until depression set in ♪
♪ Leaving mouths unfed ♪
♪ And then you came along ♪
♪ And tried to use your own head ♪
♪ And think another way ♪
♪ Oh, but the thought was deep within your mind ♪
♪ That you would soon be free one day ♪
♪ But it was just a mere thought ♪
♪ Because you decided to lay ♪
♪ Then came me with a brand-new thing ♪
♪ And all types of different views ♪
♪ And after you reject... ♪