01x01 - The Bag or the Bat

[bunniefuu]

Warden: It's a different world out there, Mickey.

Hey, Mick.

Good luck.

(door buzzes)

(car engine idling)

♪
♪

How does it feel, you cocksucker?

You like it?

(g*nsh*t)

("Hooray for Hollywood" by Doris Day begins)

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪
♪ That screwy ballyhooey Hollywood ♪
♪ Where any office boy ♪
♪ Or young mechanic ♪
♪ Can be a panic ♪
♪ With just a good-looking pan... ♪
♪ And any barmaid ♪
♪ Can be a star maid ♪
♪ If she dances with or without a fan ♪
♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪
♪ Where you're terrific ♪
♪ If you're even good...

(fades into rap music)

♪ Before I be dismissed, I get it on in a big house ♪

♪ All right ♪
♪ Puff cigars on a plush couch ♪
♪ Uh, switch lanes, 110 south ♪
♪ Where you going? ♪
♪ And I'm headed to my beach house ♪
♪ That's right, yeah ♪

♪ Gettin' paper... ♪

(muffled song thumping through walls)

(sighs) g*dd*mn it!

f*cking neighbors with their music.

(both sigh)

Go back to sleep.

Think they put up with this sh*t in Beverly Hills?

Mm-hmm.

Freaking moving, Ray.

(phone buzzing)

(exhales)

Yeah, Deonte, what's up?

I'm at The Caveat, and I got a strange female in the bed with me.

All right, what's the problem?

She want money?

No, man. I f*cking think she's dead.

Did you k*ll her?

No!

I didn't even f*ck her.

She was doing blow all night.

I think she had a overdose.

Oh, my God!

All right.

Put your fingers on her neck and feel for a pulse.

I can't do that.

I think there's blood there.

She had a nosebleed.

And my d*ck is covered in blood!

This is so extreme, man!

Do it now, Deonte.

If she's still breathing, we need to save her life.

I can't.

What if she passed?

You think you're the first person I've dealt with, woke up in bed with a dead body?

Take your fingers and feel for a pulse.

All right, hold on.

(breathing deeply): Oh, f*ck.

She's dead, dawg.

She... aw, sh*t, man.

I don't even know her, man!

I met her last night.

I don't do dr*gs, I'm an athlete!

Listen to me.

Don't touch anything, don't call anyone.

I'm sending someone over now.

I just signed an $80 million endorsement, cuz!

TMZ was following me around last night.

Calm down.

I'm on it. Just sit tight.

(phone ringing)

Yeah?

Av? We have a situation at The Caveat.

Deonte Brown's in bed with a dead girl.

I think she overdosed.

Get over there and hold his hand, see what's what.

Okay, I'm on it, Raymond.

(phone ringing)

Yo, boss.

Lena, honey. Get over to the office now.

I'll call you back in ten minutes when I'm on the road.

Deonte Brown's at The Caveat with a dead girl.

I hate it when that happens.

Okay.

Hey. I gotta leave.

Get dressed, let's go.

You're not going to school in that.

This is how they dress in Calabasas.

You want her to dress different, she needs to go to Marlborough or Harvard-Westlake.

Bridget: I'm not wearing a uniform.

That's nice, honey.

She needs to talk to Bunchy and Terry.

She has to interview everyone.

Hey, how come they didn't have any kids?

Terry's got Parkinson's, honey.

Does that mean we're gonna get it?

What's that?

Abby: Your son's getting in fights.

Bullshit. I fell at soccer.

Are we gonna get it?

No, Terry got it from boxing.

He got hit in the head too much. Let me see that.

So why didn't Bunchy have kids?

Well, you know, Bunchy's, uh...

He has issues.

He got molested by a priest when they were little.

Really?

Bridget: Yeah.

That's why Dad was always so obsessed about nobody touching our privates.

And it's why we don't go to church.

I gotta go. Where's my iPad?

Abby: You didn't tell me you're doing something for Stu Feldman.

He's on the board at Marlborough.

I'll try.

Abby: Not good enough, Raymond.

Promise me.

I promise.

(rap music continues thumping)

(Bridget giggles)

(vacuum whirring)

(phone ringing)

Avi: Yeah?

You got it under control?

So far, so good.

Okay, you're the boss.

(phone ringing)

Lena, what's up?

I called our plant at TMZ, nothing about anything with Deonte or The Caveat.

Good.

Get me Lee Drexler.

Okay, here's Lee.

I'll stay on the line.

Thanks, doll.

Lee: Yeah?

Lee, where are we with the Tommy Wheeler thing?

His career's finished, that's where we are.

Guy has a $200 million heterosexual movie coming out in a month?

Picks up a tr*nny on Sunset Boulevard?

Can you get him into your office now?

Ten minutes or so?

Yeah, I'll teleport him.

Get him there as soon as you can.

I got an idea.

We can k*ll two birds with one stone.

(Lee shouting indistinctly)

Lee:... that is the stupidest thing...

You know what this assh*le just told me?

That he was raised to help a woman.

A woman.

Women don't have cocks, you moron.

It was the middle of the night, she ran out of gas.

Shut the f*ck up.

I didn't know it was a guy, on my life.

Lee: Yeah? What about the one who called Marty Grossman at Stalkerazzi saying you picked him up the month before that?

You know how many people out there look like me?

Guys are asking for the Tommy Wheeler body at my gym.

Lee: You f*cking cocksucking liar.

You know what's gonna happen to you?

You are gonna be taking it up the ass in 3-D for the rest of your life!

Ray: Lee.

Let me handle this.

I didn't know it was a guy, I swear.

Guy had an Adam's apple the size of my fist!

Tommy, look at me.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so embarrassed.

I... I feel like I'm addicted or something.

Tommy, listen to me.

I have a way to get you out of this.

Ray: Lena.

Call TMZ and leak the news that Tommy Wheeler is at The Caveat with a dead girl. Then get over there and represent him.

You're his publicist or you work for the studio.

Just try to control the story.

Lena: Got it, boss.

Did I k*ll her?

No.

She overdosed.

(sighs)

♪

Thanks for doing this, man.

I'm gonna get you courtside seats to all my games, dawg.

(phone ringing)

Ray: Give me that.

What'd you tell your wife?

Deonte: That I got back from Vegas early.

Missed her. I'm gonna take her to The Ivy.

No, have breakfast here.

That way, if someone sees you here, you're with your wife.

Nobody connects you with the dead girl.

Erase those texts.

Avi: You.

Take this and smear it on your d*ck.

What? She had a nosebleed.

She bled on your d*ck.

Now go!

Bring the cup back to me.

Now.

(snaps fingers) Let's go.

Lena: Okay, listen up.

I can confirm Tommy Wheeler is in the hotel.

That's all I can tell you at this point.

Excuse me.

Reporter: Come on, you gotta give us more than that! What's going on in there?

This gonna fly?

Yeah, worked out fine.

They'll let him go in a few hours.

We'll put him straight into Voyages.

Suck one cock, you're a cocksucker for life.

Get caught with a dead girl, admit to a drug problem, and go to rehab, no problem.

Crazy town, right? I'll deal with the studio.

Stu Feldman called, you're late. You gotta get over to Paramount.

I was gonna go see Ezra.

My partner's fine.

He's grieving. You'll see him tomorrow at the service.

Get over to Paramount!

Lee, he's not fine.

Do me a favor.

Don't tell me what to do.

Marty, my friend. I told you he's not a f*g.

Did you see that tr*nny?

I would have f*cked that tr*nny.

You drop the f*g stuff, I will give you the first interview with him from rehab.

Man: There he is! There he is! Tommy! Tommy!

(clamoring)

Want to make a statement, Tommy? Tommy Wheeler, look at me!

Tommy, look at me! What happened over there?

(clamoring)

(women squealing)

Tommy, want to make a statement? Tommy, look over here.

(clamoring continues)

I've been seeing this chick. I want you to follow her.

See if she's f*cking around on me.

I'm married. Lee told you that, right?

You think I'm a scumbag, right?

Married, but I'm f*cking around with this chick?

I'm not here to judge you. It's not what I do.

You think I don't know what you do?

Lee said you're the best in town.

I love my wife... but this chick... has her claws in me.

My wife doesn't want to have sex with me anymore.

I don't feel good about myself.

(phone buzzing)

You ever do growth hormone?

No.

(stammers) You think it's Kabbalah, right?

It's not. It's... it's to remind me it's the hand of taking, you know?

It should be the hand of giving.

You know, I want to give more.

I don't want her to know that I'm having her followed.

She has trust issues.

No problem.

She was one of those Disney kids.

Parents stole all her money.

Now she's a singer.

Like Britney.

All right, good, good, good!

You don't talk a lot. I like that.

I'm gonna start doing that.

Makes you very mysterious.

I think I give away my power too much.

I'll be in touch.

(dispenser whirs)

I'm gonna go sit on Feldman's girl.

Okay. Terry's called three times.

All right, see if you can get him.

That's it. You go to the body, then you move upstairs.

Everything behind the jab, okay?

Man: Yo, Terry! Terry! Your brother's on the phone!

Which?

Ray.

What's up?

Ray: What's going on, Ter?

Bunchy had a slip.

Where is he?

Man: He was a big, charismatic guy.

Tells my parents I'm an athlete.

This was a big deal in my family, a priest paying attention to me.

I was, I was so flattered.

Takes me to this health club and tells me we have to shower first.

m*therf*cker.

And that was the first time he molested me.

I come into the house, and my mother says, uh... she says, "How was it, Kev? Was it thrilling?"

I'm gonna tell my mother that this man r*ped me?

This man's next to God.

(phone ringing)

That's God's representative on Earth.

Hey.

Ray: Hey, Bunch, what's up?

You talk to Terry yet?

Yeah.

What's going on, Bunchy? Talk to me.

My settlement just came through.

$1.4 million 'cause some priest messed around with me when I was a kid.

I thought I'd be so happy when the money came.

You want me to send someone? Come get you?

Send someone?

Nah, I ain't done drinking yet.

(dog barking)

I got his plates.

I'm gonna call it in to Lena for an address.

I got a bad feeling.

Ray, what are you doing?

You can't f*cking do that.

You said you weren't gonna do this sh*t anymore.

She's not the client! Stu Feldman's the client!

(knocking)

Jesus, Ray Donovan!

You always open the door like that?

Without asking who it is?

I do when it's you.

How the hell are you, Ray?

Pretty good.

You?

Better than the last time I saw you.

What was I, like, 16?

Trying to get my f*cking money back from my parents.

Assholes.

Did I ever thank you?

You tried.

(chuckles)

So, what are you doing here, Ray?

You have a stalker.

Right. That was good.

I'm, like, being punked, right?

No.

Ashley: So, what, I'm supposed to look over my shoulder every minute now?

How did you even know about him?

Look at me. It's Stu, isn't it?

He hired you to spy on me?

Yeah.

f*cking assh*le!

He's married. Did you know that?

What does he want from me?

I've had guys jerking off to me since I was 15.

But you weren't like that, were you, Ray?

Why are you telling me about him?

I don't want to see you get hurt.

Oh, my God! Hurt?

Who is this guy?

I don't know yet.

There are things we can do to mitigate it.

Mitigate it?

I don't want another dog.

My last dog d*ed of cancer!

I can't handle this right now.

♪ From the same old scam ♪
♪ Feelin' like I'm stuck in the same old rut ♪
♪ But I keep rollin' 'cause enough is enough ♪
♪ It ain't nothin' to me ♪
♪ I keep on, just fancy-free... ♪

Party's over, Bunch. Let's go.

What are you, his mother? We're f*cking conversing here.

I'm not talking to you.

(mocking): I'm not talking to you.

Man, what the f*ck?

What the f*ck you...?

(grunting)

How come we never had a thing?

You're not really my type.

Of course I am.

Yeah?

(sighs)

Let me have your hand.

What for?

Let me have your hand.

Your heart line.

My heart line?

You fall in love easily.

All the little lost dolls.

(Ashley moaning)

(both moaning)

Hey.

Hey.

Oh, sh*t.

Hey, hey, look at me. Ashley, you okay?

Oh, my God.

I'm so embarrassed.

I have epilepsy and I'm not supposed to drink.

The sugar fucks me up.

What the f*ck am I doing?

Why am I seeing Stu?

He's a terrible person.

God, I'm so f*cked up.

It's okay. You're gonna be all right.

You need to stop opening your door to strangers.

Get a dog, not a g*n.

You got a g*n, they use it on you.

Get a security system.

Start doing what you need to do to get your life in order.

(sighs)

(sniffs)

God, (laughs)

I really need yoga right now.

My wife does yoga.

Where?

Uh, Point Dume.

Look, I, um...

I got to go.

(grunts)

Can I see you again?

Let me make sure you're okay.

Do my job.

With this guy.

Okay.

Thanks, Ray.

I love you.

All right.

Keep your doors locked.

And no more yoga on the deck.

Yes, Daddy.

Don't worry.

You're in the solution now.

I remember that.

I love it.

What does it mean?

(door slams)

Yeah.

What?

I'm on my way.

How much do we owe you for bail?

Nothing.

All right, it's not the end of the world.

I'll get the charges dropped.

Come here.

What are you doing?

Come here.

I was sober ten months, three days until this.

I know, Bunch. I know.

What's going on?

You remember Dad's girlfriend Claudette?

Yeah.

They had a kid.

They what?

They had a kid, Ray.

When?

Before he went to Walpole.

How long have you known?

I told you we should've told him.

How f*cking long?

A long time.

He's grown.

His name's Daryll.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey...

Okay, okay.

Hey, Ray.

No.

He doesn't like strangers touching him.

All right, we can work up to that.

We didn't think you could handle it.

Did I say "Come in"? I didn't say "Come in."

I heard my name so I thought that meant "Come in."

He and Claudette come out here about ten years ago.

She got sent away for writing bad checks.

Ten years you've been keeping this from me.

A little longer.

Before you moved us out here and I got the gym.

Dad wanted us to get to know him.

(laughs)

Guy who threw rocks during the Boston thing, screaming, "n*gg*r*s, go home."

Is this a f*cking joke?

All right, take it easy.

Ray.

There's something else.

He got out.

Who got out? What are you talking about?

The old man made parole.

He wasn't supposed to be out for five more years.

He's out, Ray.

("Don't Turn Your Heater Down" playing)

♪ Winter's comin' on, yeah... ♪

(groans) Oh, easy, baby.

Easy?

(both laughing)

I got no time for easy.

This stuff's much stronger now.

I'm moving, I'm constant moving.

♪ Now's the time I need you around ♪
♪ Girl, don't turn your heater down ♪
♪ In the summer you look cute ♪
♪ Sportin' thongs and a bathing suit ♪
♪ It's time for wearin' them fine wool slacks ♪
♪ Girl, you know I can't go for that. ♪

The bag or the bat, Bob?

The bag.

(water splashing)

(crying)

Stop crying... you're streaking the dye.

Stand up.

Cup your f*cking genitals.

I don't want to look at that sh*t.

(sighs)

It's over.

No restraining orders, no seeing her in court, none of that.

You come near her again, I'll k*ll you.

You understand me?

Here.

I sent a deli platter for Ezra's service tomorrow.

Did you talk to Stu Feldman about Marlborough?

Something came up with, uh, Terry and Bunch.

How many years you gonna look out for them, huh?

(laughs)

What about your own son, your daughter... what about us?

Stop being dramatic.

Everyone's fine.

We're not fine.

I hate it here.

It's like the frigging Jersey Shore of L.A.

(sighs)

You thinking about Ezra?

He brought me out here.

Wasn't for him and Lee, we wouldn't be here, have all this.

He's the most important person in my life right now, Abs.

Thanks a lot, Ray.

Shut the f*ck up.

(chuckles)

Lee: How'd it go with Tommy?

He's at Voyages.

Worked like a charm.

Very smart, Raymond... excellent.

Hey.

Hi, sweetheart, thank you.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

How's Calabasas?

What I have to pay him, he should move you to Bel Air.

Who lives in Calabasas, anyway... Sinbad, Howie Mandel?

Jesus, Ray.

(whispering): Hi, how are you?

Ezra.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, thank you, darling.

I love you.

Ruthie loved you.

We've done bad things, Ray.

I've asked you to fix things that should never have been fixed.

Ezra, you're upset.

Terrible things.

I'm going to come clean on all of the things we've done.

Ruth would want that.

Look, you're under a huge strain right now.

I've got to come clean, Ray... all of it.

Every f*cking thing we've done.

What are you doing here?

How dare you?

You asked me to come, Ezra.

You begged me.

Ashanda!

My mistress at my wife's memorial?

Ezra!

Man: Hey, Shawn, over here, look at me.

Shawn, Shawn.

(tires screech)

Man 2: Come on, man, come on, come on.

(tires screech)

How did this happen?

How the f*ck did this happen, Ray?

He made parole.

Well, tell me you're gonna take care of this.

I took care of it then, didn't I?

Yeah, but he's out now.

He better not be coming here.

♪

(baby coos)

He's out of his f*cking mind.

I've never been so humiliated in my life.

And after that debacle, he calls and tells me to come back.

He's lonely.

(sighs)

Something's wrong.

And what's with the Yiddish?

(laughs)

Where's Abby?

We took separate cars... she went to yoga.

Make yourself at home.

Just don't move any of the furniture around.

f*cking Lee.

Says he'll come and sit shiva with me tomorrow.

Hmm.

You know what he sent out last year for Christmas?

Fake hand grenades with a note that said, "We go to w*r for you."

My father's coming.

He's coming here?

Nisht gut.

What does he want?

I don't know.

No lie lives forever, Raymond.

It's time to pay the piper.

Why don't we k*ll him?

(laughter)

(ice clinking)

She can't drink.

She's epileptic.

Ray?

You know each other?

Ashley: Okay, this is your husband?

He worked on a case for my ex Stu Feldman.

Abby: Huh, small world.

Ashley: Uh, you know what?

I just looked at the time.

I think I should get going.

Let me get my keys.

I got to take her back.

Ray: I'll do it.

You've been drinking.

(door closes)

You're stalking me now?

That's my wife, okay?

That's my family.

(sighs) I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

She just... she's so nice.

And I love her accent.

She's so real.

What the f*ck are you doing?

I want to taste you.

I want to put your cock in my mouth.

f*ck!

(tires squeal)

Ray: Listen to me.

You don't come near me and my family again.

(tires squeal)

Female automated voice: You have one new message.

(phone beeps)

Abby (over phone): You promised me, Ray.

Don't come home.

(beeps)

(chuckles)

♪

That girl at the morgue, the one from the hotel this morning?

Make sure someone claims the body.

I don't want her sitting there alone.

Avi (over phone): You okay, boss?

Where are you?

My place in town.

(line ringing)

(ringing continues)

(phone buzzing)

I can't stop thinking about you.

Try.

f*ck me, Ray.

Save me, Ray.

Priest: The body of Christ, the bread of Heaven.

The blood of Christ, the cup of salvation.

♪

(door closes)

Did you f*ck her?

No.

Abs, I didn't sleep with...

You okay?

Yeah, I'm good.

(whispering): Good.

(sighs)

Lee called.

He's having some people over.

Stu Feldman's gonna be there.

You can talk to him about Marlborough.

All right.

My father's coming.

He made parole.

Jesus, Ray.

Is that why you're acting like such an assh*le?

Is she hung up on you?

Did she try to make friends with me because of that?

No, sweetheart.

Of course not.

(sighs)

I have a black half-brother.

You're joking me.

No.

(both laughing)

Oh, my God, that's crazy.

I know.

♪ How good or bad ♪
♪ Happy or sad ♪
♪ Does it have to get? ♪

Guys, you want a Bellini?

I'm good, thanks.

That's a fresh peach puree, right?

It was invented at Harry's Bar in Venice.

Oh. I love Venice.

(laughs)

Ray.

You tell Stu Feldman's girl he's spying on her.

Are you out of your f*cking mind?

She has a stalker.

I had a moral responsibility to tell her.

You have a moral responsibility to do your f*cking job.

What the f*ck?

Ezra.

The last one, right?

Yeah, awesome.

(conversation continues indistinctly)

♪ All that glitter and all that gold ♪
♪ Take care of your soul... ♪

Ezra! Ezra!

Come on.

Come...

Ez... Ezra, hey!

Come on.

Tommy: No, no way...

(imitates rapid g*nf*re)

(laughs)

Oh, man.

Hi.

I'm Abby Donovan.

Hi, Abby Donovan.

Lee said I could talk to you about Marlborough.

No problem.

Hey, Ray.

What are you doing here, Tommy?

I got a day pass.

Get out.

Dad, why?

Don't argue with me; just get out.

Abby: That's my daughter, Bridget.

She's a great kid.

Smart as a whip.

Stu: Beautiful girl.

Oh. Thank you.

What a shame.

Excuse me?

Uh, I'm gonna make sure that she is banned from Marlborough, Harvard-Westlake, all of them.

You know why?

I'll tell you why, Abby Donovan.

'Cause your husband f*cked my girlfriend.

That's why.

f*ck you.

♪ And all of your gold ♪
♪ Take care of your soul ♪
♪ With all of your gold ♪
♪ Take care of your soul ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪

Not in the face... not...!

No!

(bones cr*ck, Stu yells)

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Take care of your soul ♪

♪ Soul, soul, soul... ♪

There she is.

You, um... you never told me how Bridget d*ed.

(sighs)

She was high on dr*gs.

She jumped off a roof.

That's really sad.

I'm sorry, Daddy.

It's okay, hon.

(quiet laugh)

Do you miss her?

Yeah, I miss her.

She had a great sense of humor.

She could make Bunchy piss his pants.

(giggles)

She sounds really funny.

Hey.

It's gonna be okay.

It's sad.

I know.

Come here.

(crying)

We're good.

We're really, really good.

(whispering): I'll always protect you.

I'm hiring a realtor.

(sniffs)

That girl.

I knew her years ago.

Listen, Abs.

Sometimes these women, I protect them and they get... you know.

Confused.

She's not important.

What I'm gonna tell you now is the important thing.

You got to listen to me and you got to trust me.

My father coming here?

You let him near this family, everything we worked for, everything we built... it'll be over.

Whatever you think happened, it was ten times worse.

Don't let the wolf in the gate, Abby.

Did he reach out to you?

I got to know, Abs.

You're sick, Ray.

You got a hole in your heart.

"If the Man You Love Was Abused."

You haven't been on a date in ten years.

You know they got a name for it?

What?

I'm a sexual anorexic.

You're kidding me.

I swear, bro.

How do you like them apples?

Just go easy on him, Ray.

I mean, he wants to make amends.

He feels real bad about everything.

You hear about this new law?

Egan's Law?

They got to notify you if the Catholic Church moves into the neighborhood.

(laughs)

Come on, Ray, it's funny.

Mickey: If you can't laugh, what are you gonna do... cry all the time?

What are you doing here, Mick?

Mickey: What am I doing here?

Last time I saw you, I was the one going to Hollywood... what the f*ck happened?

You set me up, m*therf*cker.

20 years.

Now look at you.

Such a big sh*t.

Well, this is great.

This is great.

All my boys are together.

Everyone's great.

Everyone's great, Mick?

Really?

Bridget's dead, Terry's shaking like a f*cking leaf, and Bunchy can't stay sober more than a month.

That's your legacy, Mick.

Mickey: Hey, Hollywood big sh*t.

I want to date Chita Rivera, Rita Moreno, or Diahann Carroll if Claudette don't take me back.

Can you hook me up?

That priest, I took care of him.

Some very powerful people are gonna come after me now.

Very powerful.

Da Vinci Code type sh*t.

(laughing)

You deluded old f*ck.

Only guys coming after you are the guys you ripped off.

Only thing they need is the address I'm gonna give 'em.

How's those grandkids of mine?

m*therf*cker!

Ray, hold...

Ray, take it easy.

Ray: m*therf*cker!

Terry: Take it easy!

Daryll: Chill!

Terry: Take it easy.

You go near my family, I'll f*cking k*ll you.

You hear me?

(laughing)

(Ashley screaming)

♪
♪

(grunts)

(grunting)

I warned you.

You deluded f*ck.

Didn't I warn you?

(knock on door)

Mickey.

Pictures don't do you justice, Abby.

You're beautiful.

When I wrote to you.

Those letters.

From the bottom of my heart, Abby.

I'm an old man, I need to make it right.

He hates me, Abby.

Why? I don't know.

(sighs)

(door closes)