01x08 - Waka, Waka, Waka!

[bunniefuu]

Xander: Previously on Bunk'd...

Wait a minute. I know you. You're Dr. Hunter Brody, the host of my favorite show...

Both: For Reals!

Why don't you come track the Kikiwaka with me?

We could make scientific history together.

The tracking device is beeping!

It must be the Kikiwaka!

(Creature growling)

(All screaming)

(Growling loudly)

And, cut!

What in the world is going on here?

Great television, that's what's going on!

You mean, this was all fake? Yep!

I really thought we were about to find the Kikiwaka.

What was that?

Do you think it's Dr. Brody trying to trick us again?

No, he is back with Zuri!

(Growling)

That was the real Kikiwaka!

And it just went into the camp!

Sorry you had to come here on a fake Kikiwaka sighting, Officer.

Although you can still slap the cuffs on me. I've been a bad girl.

(Giggling)

(Gasping) Please come back!

That pillow with George Clooney's face on it isn't doing it for me anymore!

I don't understand. Guys, the Kikiwaka was here! We saw it.

(All groaning)

I can't believe you two woke me up!

I was having the most delicious dream about my Xandy.

Two words, sailor suit!

Just because you bought it for me, doesn't mean I have to wear it.

Enough with the Kikiwaka already!

You're never going to find it, and you're driving everyone crazy!

In your case, that's a short drive.

I have never been so humiliated in my entire life.

How about the time you fell off the stage after you won the science fair?

Or the time you participated in the science fair?

Okay, okay, I get it!

You two are in big trouble!

What did I say about using the emergency phone?

Both: (Sighing) Never use it for Kikiwaka sightings or calls to the health department.

I'm sorry, Gladys, but we did see the Kikiwaka!

And it walked into the camp. The hairy monster was here!

Please, the only hairy monsters in this camp are the kids in Badger Cabin.

That cabin must have been built on an ancient boneyard.

They all magically hit puberty at the exact same time.

Okay, everyone, back to your cabins!

Lights out immediately, or I'll swap out your toilet paper with dry leaves.

Jorge!

What is in your hair?

Curlers. You think these luxurious locks come naturally?

♪ Here we go ♪
♪ We're leaving the city behind right now ♪
♪ Let's gather by the campfire light ♪
♪ And sing this song ♪

All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Hanging out with someone new ♪
♪ Then falling out of a camp canoe ♪
♪ What's that smell? It's on your shoe ♪

All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Got a s'more in my hair ♪
♪ Mosquitos in our underwear ♪
♪ Shower's broke but we don't care ♪

All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪

♪ This is our home away from home away from home away from home ♪
♪ But watch your back A bear just ate my phone ♪

All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪
All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪
All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

I can't wait for my very first Kikiwaka Day festival.

It is awesome! And like every year, my Kiki-Dogs are going to outsell all the other booths, or my nickname isn't "The Wacky Woodchuck."

That's your nickname?

I've been trying to get it started.

Well, this year you're going to have some competition.

I'm in charge of selling Cookie-Wakas.

Pshaw! What do you know about selling food?

Back in New York, I worked at the snack shack in Central Park.

Once I made $50,000 in one day.

Wow, how much are hamburgers in New York?

Not that much. I sold my diamond ring to a rich tourist.

♪ I'm strumming, humming, buzzing ♪
♪ When you're close to me ♪
♪ And I don't ask why ♪
♪ I could try to find the answer ♪
♪ But I might as well count the stars up in the sky ♪
♪ And all that really matters is you make me feel like I can fly... ♪

Can it, pretty boy!

You've got work to do. Go put on your mascot costume.

Fine. I hope they got the fleas out of it.

Now, he's gonna come back dressed in a Kikiwaka costume.

Do not call the authorities. Unless it's the fire department.

Those guys are smokin'.

I ordered 300 Kikiwaka dolls, and you sent me 300 kick balls! What am I supposed to do with these?

I certainly will not put them there!

Hey, Gladys, I can get those dolls for ya.

You can? Because the whole town comes to this festival, and the money I make today, I use to buy food, pay the workers, and my toe wart acid is not cheap.

Well, that explains the funny walk and that burning smell.

How are you gonna get all those dolls made in time?

You've got a built-in workforce here, and I'm just the one to motivate them.

Well, if you can do that, you can have whatever you want.

Oh, but my Channing Tatum back scratcher is off the table.

It was never on the table.

I wanna use your shower.

Deal. But why?

Because I heard the water is actually hot.

Unlike the soup here, which is so cold it chipped my tooth.

Get your Cookie-Wakas here!

Each one comes with a kiss.

Well played, Ross!

Hey, guys, if you buy my Kiki-Dogs, Emma will give you two kisses!

Lou, do me a favor, and don't put any onions on those hot dogs.

Come get your Waka-Burgers! 100% beef, unlike Lou's Kiki-Dogs, which will probably fetch if you throw something.

Ruff! Ruff!

That is not true!

These hot dogs are made from the choicest cuts of moose.

That's good eats, people!

Wow, Hazel's really competitive.

That's because whichever girl makes the most money from her booth is named Kikiwaka Queen.

And Xander is the Kikiwaka King.

Because he's the coolest guy at camp?

That, and he's the only one who can stand the smell of the suit.

Wow, you guys are doing great!

Ooh, Jorge, that's some awesome needlework.

But why would you put red lipstick on a Kikiwaka?

That's blood.

I keep forgetting which is the pointy end of the needle.

Ow! That one!

Wow, these kids aren't completely worthless after all.

How'd you do it?

Easy.

Remember, the first camper to finish 20 dolls gets a delicious pizza delivered.

Awesome! That sure beats those stale tortillas with ketchup they serve in here.

Ketchup? What am I, made of gold?

It's just water and red dye.

I cannot believe that in an entire camp library, this is the only photographic evidence of the Kikiwaka.

That's a Kikiwaka?

Or a bear, or our groundskeeper.

That guy really needs to mow himself!

Keep looking. We must find proof.

I know. I'm sick of being the laughingstock of this camp.

You and me, both. Do you know who made fun of me today?

Weak Bladder Brian.

Because of him, there's more urine in the lake than lake!

Wait, I think I found something.

According to ancient legends, the beast is attracted to a pungent plant called the putriberry.

Apparently, it is like Kikiwaka catnip.

So let's find some of those berries in the forest, catch the Kikiwaka, and redeem ourselves in the eyes of the camp.

Good idea! Then, we will have nothing left to be embarrassed about.

Except our slow obstacle course times.

True. That bell will never be unrung.

Attention!

Buy a Waka Burger and get a free photo with this guy.

I can't believe Hazel thinks that lame thing is going to attract anyone.

Must. Buy. Burger.

Xander: Lou, snap out of it!

You guys have to sell more stuff than Hazel.

He's just worried because if Hazel becomes Kikiwaka Queen, he'll have to dance with her in front of everybody.

She's going to shake her groove thing at me.

(Lou chuckling)

Don't worry, Xander, Hazel's not going to win.

My cookies are made with a secret ingredient.

Emma, love is not a secret ingredient.

Forget love. I'm talking about an extra pound of butter.

Hey, everyone!

I hear those Kiki-Dogs aren't just moose meat.

They've got other parts in them, too.

That is a lie!

Okay, maybe one hoof fell in the grinder, but that is it!

We cannot let Hazel win.

Lou, we have to team up. We need to get people's attention.

I have an idea.

All we'll need is a bendy straw, a raccoon, and a Bunsen burner.

As curious as I am, I have a better idea.

(Music playing on stereo)

(Rapping) ♪ if you're hungry for a dog, let me hear ya say "woof!" ♪
♪ So what if they contain a little ground-up hoof? ♪
♪ I think y'all know what you need to do ♪
♪ Get in line, and buy some dogs by Lou. ♪
♪ Over here Emma's got her Cookie-Waka booth ♪
♪ Her cookies are rockin', if you want the truth ♪
♪ So, take it from me, 'cause I'm a hungry beast ♪
♪ Get some cookies and dogs, and have a funky feast ♪

Whoa!

All: Whoa!

Hey! No fair using my boyfriend to attract customers!

All: Your boyfriend?

Let's go, Xandy!

Come sing a song about me!

And that song would be titled, There's a Crazy Girl Who Won't Leave Me Alone!

That's kind of a long title. I'd probably just call it Crazy Girl.

I'm going to make the most money, and be Xander's Kikiwaka Queen, and we'll live happily ever after in my cave.

She has a cave!

You haven't won yet!

(Gasping)

I picked a bad day to wear my pink monkey underwear.

Is there a good day? (Chuckling)

(Giggling)

Zuri, those dolls you made me are selling like crazy!

I need 200 more!

What? That's impossible!

These kids have already inhaled so much yarn, their farts are fuzzy.

How about instead of one hot shower, I let you have them for the entire summer?

200 more dolls, coming right up!

Hey, Zuri. I'm done with my dolls. I'm gonna get my face painted, and maybe a pint or two of O-negative.

No, you can't!

We need to make 200 more dolls, or Gladys won't let me use the shower that has hot water!

(All gasp)

Wait, that's why we're doing this?

And there are showers here?

Yes! Now get your bloodless husk of a body back to work.

Wait a minute, did you even order pizza?

Yes! I mean... I would have if I had a phone.

(Whispering indistinctly)

Okay, that's it!

Fellow workers, we've been breaking our backs for hours, my pants are full of fuzz, and there's no pizza coming!

Carbs are bad for you. You're welcome.

It's time to take a stand! We need to rise up against management.

Viva la pizza!

(All cheering)

Zuri: Guys, wait! Please, come back.

Why should we? You used us, and that's not how friends treat each other.

Don't look at me like that.

Emma: (Gasping) Omg!

Whoa! Was there a monster truck rally nobody told me about?

Lou, why did you leave the booths unattended while I was in the bathroom?

I'm so sorry, but the face painter was about to leave and I really wanted to be a kitty.

How did this happen?

Gee, take a wild guess.

(Groaning) Hazel!

Why did you wreck our booths?

It wasn't me. It was a freak storm.

You're holding a sledgehammer!

No, I'm not.

Oh, well, I guess neither of you guys is going to be the Kikiwaka Queen.

But don't cry, Lou. I don't want your whiskers to run.

(Hissing and yowling)

That is it. We are gonna get Hazel back, or they don't call me The Wacky Woodchuck.

They don't call you that.

I know.

Ravi: Do you think we have gone far enough?

Well, I don't wanna walk anymore, so, yes.

Let us see if we can lure the Kikiwaka out with these putriberries.

And if that doesn't work, we should just live in the forest.

At least no one out here will mock us.

(Crow cawing)

That bird was mocking us, right?

Pretty sure.

(Gags) No wonder these are called putriberries and not new-car-smell berries.

If my nose could vomit, it would!

Okay, let us hide behind that tree over there.

So, how long do you think we'll have to wait for the Kikiwaka?

(Growling) Not long.

(Both screaming)

I can't run anymore!

Hide behind that rock!

I've never run so fast in my life!

Take that, Coach Dunlap!

Do you think we lost him? Maybe.

You are still holding on to the camera?

Yes. And I was pointing it at him the whole time we were running.

Huzzah! Um, I mean... (Whispering) Huzzah.

We finally have proof that the Kikiwaka is real.

(Twig snapping) (Growling)

I hope that's a really tall rabbit.

(Screaming) (Growling)

Zuri Ross is a poopy boss! Zuri Ross is a poopy boss! Zuri Ross...

Zuri, what is going on? Why are these kids protesting?

Because as the sign says, Zuri Ross is a poopy boss.

Well, I need more dolls. Get those kids back to work.

Little tip, there's a Taser under my bed if you need it.

No way.

Don't worry, they'll be fine.

They twitch for an hour, and they bounce right back.

Look, it's bad enough that I used my friends.

I'm certainly not going to shock the shorts off of 'em.

Do it, or you won't get your hot shower.

You know what? I don't care. I was wrong, and I'm gonna make it right.

Hey, guys, here's the pizza I promised you.

I thought you didn't have a phone.

I don't. I used the emergency phone.

What?

Sorry, Gladys. You should really hide that better.

This is awesome! Thanks, Zuri.

You're welcome. And I'm really sorry.

I was blinded by the steamy fog of civilized bathing.

As long as you've got pepperoni, we forgive you.

Viva la pizza!

(All cheering)

No!

I need the money from those dolls!

My warts are creeping up my legs.

(Groaning)

Hazel, we just wanted to come over and say congratulations.

Obviously, you're going to win Kikiwaka Queen.

Well, I hate to gloat but... I win!

You lose! In your feline face!

By the way, you should know, while you were in the bathroom earlier, we put putriberries in your burgers, just to give 'em a little zing.

Putriberries? But those make people sick!

(Both gasp)

Really? Well, that's unfortunate.

Wow, if people eat your Waka-Burgers and get sick, you're going to get in a lot of trouble with Gladys.

Then you can forget about becoming Kikiwaka Queen.

Ba-boosh!

I've got to get those burgers back!

Stop! Those burgers will make you barf.

Stop!

Here's your money back! Please don't sue my aunt!

Since that zipline snapped, it's been really tough for her to get insurance!

Hazel, what are you doing?

You never, ever, ever give money back!

Wait, that's his money! He didn't even buy a burger.

Oops!

Wow, Hazel actually believed we put putriberries in her burgers!

(Chuckling) I know!

This is better than the time we filled her shampoo bottle with toothpaste.

Hey, we did her a favor. It keeps her hair pearly-white.

Ravi: Quick, hide in here.

Ravi, I'm scared. Do not worry. We will be safe in here.

(Growling)

(Screaming)

Maybe, it's gone.

(Growling)

(Screaming)

Maybe, it wants your backpack! (Growling)

There must be some putriberries still in there!

(Growling)

Here is our chance. Run!

(Growling)

MS. Gladys: Please, come back! There's plenty of non-toxic merchandise for you to buy.

Ms. Gladys, we were right! The Kikiwaka exists!

Tiffany: And we've got the proof right here.

Actual footage of the real Kikiwaka.

Really? Well, put it on!

Anything to keep these people here and spending money.

They're running away faster than my Internet dates!

Wait until those pinecone throwers see this!

Our days of humiliation are over!

Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to witness scientific history.

Documented by two brilliant scientists.

A.K.A., us.

Behold, the actual Kikiwaka!

Run for your life! I want my mommy!

I don't want my mommy!

All: Boo!

No! I had the camera in selfie mode!

People, please!

The Kikiwaka really does exist! We saw it!

Come back! We've all been duped.

You know what I like to do when I've been lied to?

Take a hot soak in Kikiwaka Bubble Bath.

Only $19.95, and sure to scare the dirt right off ya!

I am so sorry, Ravi. I really messed up.

It is okay, Tiffany.

Really? You mean it?

No, not really.

We have sealed our fates as the camp outcasts.

Well, resealed our fates.

But... At least we are outcasts together.

Yep. And if I have to be shunned with someone, I'm really glad it's you.

Hazel, do you know how much money you cost me?

Go to your cave, and think about what you've done!

Ha! That's what Hazel gets when she messes with the 'Chucks!

We do make a pretty good team. Way to go, Wacky Woodchuck.

Aw, my nickname! I knew it would catch on.

Both: Hey, Lou.

Dang it!

This is so unfair!

Because of you two, I didn't get to be the Kikiwaka Queen.

Well, it's not like either Lou or I got to be Queen.

Although I did once have a prince propose to me.

I was once named queen at our local rodeo.

Did you get a crown?

No, but I got a belt buckle the size of your head.

Well, any of you would have been better than who did win.

King Xander, shall we do the traditional Kikiwaka King and Queen dance?

I'd rather burn off your toe warts.

You'll be doing that too.

(Dance music playing on stereo)

I've got to get this on video! (Chuckling)

Oh, right.

Can you please keep it down?

Some of us are trying to get our beauty rest!