01x05 - Sam

Episode transcript for the 2015 TV movie "Sneaky Pete". Aired: August 2015 to May 2019.*
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"Sneaky Pete" is about an ex-con who, when released from prison, assumes the identity of his cell mate, Pete and moves in with his long-estranged, unsuspecting family, where he discovers the family life he's never had.
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01x05 - Sam

Post by bunniefuu »

So...

Woman: What?

[muttering]

What, Eddie?

Did the dog eat my toe?

No, the dog's not here.

Good. That would have been f*cked up.

You got a place where he can lie down?

Couch.

No. Goods wants you to take him to your place.

My place. So, wh... I'm a nurse now?

I'm sorry, do you want to go up there and wake him up and ask him yourself?

Go right ahead.

All right.

I'll be Nurse Jackie.

Is it okay to put him in a car?

Uh, he really shouldn't be moved.

I guess it's okay if he doesn't put any weight on it, and he doesn't hit it.

We got a sh*t load of stairs.

For Christ's sake, Dennis.

I'll carry him if you won't.

No, I'm just sayin'.

Better move him now before the pain K*llers wear off.

All right.

Eddie, listen. You gotta get goin', buddy.

Come on, come on.

Lean forward, man.

Hey, uh, any idea how much this is gonna take off what I owe Vince?

I don't know, you're gonna have to ask Vince, man.

[cell phone buzzing]

Yeah, I'll call him later.

Just tell him I did a good job, okay?

[groaning]

Uh, I... I'll bring the car up front. Where is it?

It's on... it's on Mott.

[groaning]

Come on, lean over.

What... what are you doing?

What I should have done four days ago.

What, burn down the building with your brother inside?

Diversion, next door.

[stammers] When the people come out, you'll sh**t Vincent, anyone that comes in your way.

Ding, dong, the d*ck is dead.

Yeah, but his monkeys are loyal, Marius.

You'd be bleeding out before you know it.

He'll scope this out the minute he smells smoke.

I'm not gonna stand around...

Ugh!

.. while that assh*le tears my brother apart.

You want to help Eddie? Get the f*cking money.

There is no money!

The safe is empty!

Now would be a good time to get goin'.

Have you ever known money to just disappear?

It leaves a trace.

How's he doin' in there?

He's in shock.

Listen, they're moving him to Richard's.

Better cool off before they come.

Hey.

Go. Go!

[groaning]

Don't touch the ground.

Where's my car?

I... I'm sorry, did you say...

Mulberry or Mott?

I said it's on Mott.

Sorry.

It's right around the corner.

[groaning]

Get the money.

I'll talk to Marjorie.

[car engine starts]

♪ ♪
♪ It's gettin' hot around here ♪
♪ I keep tryin' to just make my way ♪
♪ It's not lyin' ♪
♪ I'm only tryin' ♪
♪ Trust in me ♪

Chorus: ♪ Trust in me ♪
♪ Just trust in me ♪

Chorus: ♪ Trust in me ♪
♪ Just trust in me ♪

Last night, I finally told Pete what happened.

Why we left.

The look on his face, Lila, I don't believe I've hurt that much since Mom told me how he was on his 11th birthday.

His 11th birthday?

It's fine, it's... it's not...

Hey, Pete. What are you up to this morning?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no.

Pete... Pete can't help you.

Why?

He's manning the store with me.

Do what?

Julia wants somebody to go with her to the doctor's.

Jacob's getting a sh*t.

Oh, he doesn't like the doctor?

Oh, the little guy's fine, it's Julia.

When she was four, she ran from Dr. Rosen's office, Lila found her three blocks away.

Taylor, have I told you lately just how much I look up to you?

I wish I could help you, sis.

It's always fun seeing you in the waiting room sweating and shaking.

I'll do it.

What? You have school and you don't even know what it is.

Hey, family comes first. Whatever it is.

Yeah, nice try.

I have to check on a client.

Think of it as a growth opportunity, facing your fears, and whatnot.

Excuse me.

[whispering] I got the okay to fix my car.

I'm gonna do the light at lunch.

Well, I'm glad to hear that your car is okay, but, uh...

I'm wondering about you. Are you... are you suspended?

Not so far.

They got me ridin' the desk, though.

And the detective exam is out of the question this cycle.

So, uh...

Why do you look like you've been in a fight?

We were wrestling and...

Okay.

We were playing football, and then it... [clears throat]

And then it turned into wrestling.

Only because you said I didn't tag you, and I... I, clearly, I did.

Yeah, but who's... who's the one who got the worst of it?

Not me.

I just can't wait until at least one of you acts like you're not 12 years old.

[whispering] Yeah, I don't...

I don't think she bought that.

No way in hell she's gonna believe you got the better of me.

Hey, uh, Jules.

Do you, um... do you remember what happened on Pete's 11th birthday?

Where'd that come from?

I've been reading the letters that you gave me.

Pete's mom said something happened on his 11th birthday.

It was a long time ago.

One bit of good news.

The guy, the assh*le who hit me...

Yeah, yeah.

He's got a record.

Uh-huh.

I don't.

You?

Me?

Look, I haven't seen you in 20 years, you could be out there, I don't know... robbin' banks.

Not recently. No.

Good. Good, in case you have to testify.

Okay.

And I don't want to sound like I'm intimidating the witness, but if you say anything other than he att*cked me, I'll f*ckin' k*ll you.

I know.

Office has been draggin', askin' about the video, so I'm gonna go by the bar after work, see if the city security cameras got what happened.

If I can get a video of that f*ck stabbin' my tire, it'd be a big help.

Yeah, it sure would.

I remember one birthday, there were tears.

Of course, I wasn't there, being the little kid they ignored.

Was Taylor?

Probably, but why don't you just ask Pete?

Hey, Pete.

No!

Carly has something to ask you.

I... I'm working on a surprise.

Yeah.

Uh...

I, uh... I was just gonna ask if, um... you could buy me some beer for a party.

[chuckling]

I'm joking.

Jesus.

Yeah, we need hard liquor.

No.

Hey. You lookin' for Marius?

I am.

Brendon, remember?

Is he still sick?

Brendon: Uh, no, he's, uh, he's in Poughkeepsie at the builder's market.

Waitin' on a shipment of tie backing.

So, when will he be back?

Uh, see, that's the thing.

They said it was gonna be ready this morning, now they're not until after lunch, so I would say he would be here by around 3:00.

I can't wait that long.

Okay.

[phone ringing]

Hey.

Hey, honey.

What's up?

So you know, I just covered for your old boyfriend again.

For the last f*cking time. Okay?

assh*le.

Can you have it towed?

The second the hour is up.

[bell jingles]

Pete, get the lights.

Uh, Pete and I lost a client yesterday.

We wanted to make sure her collateral was, um, secure, and I couldn't open the safe.

Oh, I changed the combination. Didn't I tell you?

No, you didn't.

I'm sure I did.

No. No. Why'd you have it changed?

You worried about the Dockery bail?

No, it's just good to change it every now and then.

Well, as long as the Dockery money is safe, I don't give a sh*t.

It's safe.

I just don't understand why you would change the combo, and not tell me about it.

Apparently, you do give a sh*t.

Pete, son, I think you should step outside, your grandmother and I are gonna have a fight.

You don't need to go anywhere, we're not gonna have a fight.

No, trust me on this.

[bell jingles]

When did you have it changed?

Six weeks ago.

Why are you getting so upset...

[indistinct yelling]

Is that you?

Sure is.

And listen, if you're tryin' to bail somebody out, don't bother with these Bernhardt schmucks.

To be honest, I'm surprised they're still in business.

Just call the number at the bottom of our sign.

Better yet, why don't I take you around the corner to our shop.

Hey, assh*le, why don't you move your g*dd*mn truck.

I'm talkin' to a customer, old man.

It's not a customer, you idiot.

That's my grandson.

Wh... what?

Pete?

Pete Murphy? I can't believe it.

Yeah, just got back.

No, no, no.

I literally cannot believe it.

Given what a little f*ckin' thug you were, I'm amazed you're not in prison suckin' d*ck, because, let's be honest, you developed a taste for it.

Look, why don't you get the f*ck out of here.

I'll see you later, Pete.

Get the f*ck out of here.

Good guy!

You shoulda picked a better photo.

You can see your lazy eye.

[car horn honking]

What the hell was that?

Don't you remember him? That's Shawn.

He's the kid that you and Taylor made cry.

Yeah. He's turned into a real prick.

Real prick that's runnin' us out of business.

[bell jingles]

[door closes]

While Otto's off having his hissy fit in private, I'm gonna go grab a taxi for my rounds.

You man the fort.

And if anything comes in you can't handle, give me a call.

I'll be back after lunch.

Ever think about getting married, resist the temptation.

[door opens]

[bell jingles]

Oh, perfect, I need an old book.

You want anything?

What, they got Manga?

The Japanese comic books that no grown man should expect to read without looking like a creep?

I'll wait out here.

[bell jingles]

Woman: I'll be right there.

Can I help you find something?

Yeah, I'm looking for a book.

I don't know the author or the title.

Do you know the genre?

Just know it's about revenge.

Right. Well, um... let's see what we can find.

[cell phone rings]

Yeah.

Your P.O. went to the job site, and Brendon covered for you.

Katie, Katie, I'm so sorry.

Thank you so much.

No, no, no. No.

See, I... I don't think you're picking up on my tone.

Okay? This sh*t has got to stop.

Katie, it's four more days, okay?

[car horn honking]

[sighs] What the f*ck was I thinking?

Gas pedal's on the right, you idiot!

Look, by this time next week...

You'll be what, gone from my life for good?

You know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

No. No, you're not.

Jesus, I forgot how much I hate this sh*t.

Oh, really?

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, it just seems to me like yesterday you were enjoying yourself.

Yeah. 'Cause you were gonna pay me.

Oh, really, is that all it is?

You think I miss being in the game.

Katie, you're so good at it, I mean, come on.

No, I do miss it. I do.

Like an alcoholic misses a drink.

Remembering the fun, forgetting it'll f*cking k*ll you.

Tough break.

That's the problem with following somebody who knows you, you can't get too close.

Hell are you doin' tailing your grandmother?

I could say the same thing for you.

I say none of your business.

No, I'm not just talking about today, Otto.

Two days ago, I was on the rounds with Audrey, and I clocked you.

She spot me?

She didn't say.

I don't know.

Otto.

Otto, you want to tell me what's goin' on here?

No.

No, I don't. I'm still gonna stick with it's none of your g*dd*mn business.

And you don't have that option.

All that money.

She's saying it's there, we both know it's not.

It just... it just makes me think that my grandma's in some kind of trouble.

And I'm just tryin' to find out what kind.

Does she know anybody in there?

Not that I know of.

Sometimes somebody knows they're being followed, the go into a building so they can skip out back.

Leaving whosever tailing them out front thumb up their ass.

Come on, get in the truck.

Come on!

And I'm telling you I can't.

I can take him back. You can stay out here.

I don't want him to be alone.

Is there anyone you can call?

Uh...

What is it?

What's what?

Come on.

What?

What is it?

He tipped me. He f*ckin' tipped me.

Oh, you're still whining about Mukherjee?

Yes.

What is it about him that you hate so much?

Huh.

You know how he... he always goes on about he came from nothin', and he built an empire. It's bullshit.

His father owned half the communications in India.

Half.

Gave him the contracts to Mumbai when he turned 18.

The very definition of born on third, thinks he hit a triple.

Had silver spoons comin' out of every orifice.

I came from dirt.

I put my 20 in on the force.

Saved every penny.

And I built this.

I did this. This. This is mine.

Okay.

What? What's that now?

I mean... I mean, I thought you were gonna say that you hated Mukherjee because he cheated and we know how you feel about cheaters.

Wait, what? You think he's cheating?

I thought you did.

Why would I think he's cheating?

Well, the whole thing that happened last night.

I thought Hector saw Mukherjee do something.

Hector saw Mukherjee being an assh*le, that's all.

He doesn't win that much.

Well, not every night.

But over time, he's been ahead, way ahead.

You see something?

No, I wasn't at the table.

[sighs]

Hi, this is just gonna take a second.

You're gonna be okay.

It's gonna be okay.

[exhales]

Thanks for coming, but just so we're absolutely clear...

Yeah, I was your last choice. I got it.

Mm-hm.

Nevertheless, I'm here.

And I will be in the hall.

Okay.

Okay, little man. It's just gonna sting a little.

Then you're getting a lollypop.

A sticker.

You don't have lollypops?

Got a whole bunch of stickers for you to choose from.

The dentist down the hall is on a crusade, no lollypops.

Yeah, 'cause that's the cause of childhood obesity.

Here we go.

[clattering]

Sam was our skip tracer until six weeks ago.

Then he went to work for those assholes.

It was also six weeks ago that your grandmother changed the combination on the safe.

You think he took the money?

I don't think it was a coincidence.

I overheard Audrey talking to him, sayin' that he owed her.

Why doesn't she just go to the cops?

Let's just say... the Dockery money is not entirely kosher.

We're supposed to report it if we get cash as collateral.

It's not the kind of money that can be reported.

sh*t.

What?

Bixby. He's a skip tracer.

He's dumb as a knuckle, but he's... he's ferocious.

Never leaves Sam's side and that's a problem.

I hate the way Sam walks.

I want a piano to fall on him.

Who's that?

That's Tony.

He owns the joint.

Good manicotti.

Lasagna's made from frozen.

That Grand Am, is that Sam's car?

Yeah. Why?

Uh, no, I'm just tryin' to get a feel for, you know...

Feel for who he is.

He's got a nice watch.

Oh, yeah.

He never shuts up about that damn Rolex.

Hey, Grandpa.

What?

I got an idea.

Hey, have that done by the time I get back, okay?

How you doin'?

You got any Rolex?

Man: You gotta go to a store for that.

Listen, my nephew, uh, just graduated from college.

I gotta get him a watch.

Long story short, he's an assh*le, so I don't want to get him a good Rolex.

I don't even want to get him a real Rolex, if you know what I mean.

You a cop?

Am I a what?

No. [chuckles] I'm not a cop.

'Cause you know you gotta say if you are.

I'm pretty sure that's only for hookers.

But no, I'm not a cop.

I'll take the oyster.

Hey, thanks.

For what?

Showing up.

You know, and paying for his daycare, and most of all for fainting.

So good. [laughs]

You know, Google says that's called the parasympathetic response, and it is entirely involuntary.

Wait, wait, you already knew about this?

Well, I mean...

I mean, I honestly didn't think there'd be blood.

That nurse is a butcher.

I'm sorry, you knew this could happen, and you came anyway?

Yeah, he's my kid.

Oh, my God, you are such an idiot.

Okay, well, it's been nice...

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Listen, I have a present for you.

It's just like... kind of like a-a-a little thank you thing.

It's just, uh... let's see if it happens again.

[laughs] Please? I missed it the first time.

Ha, ha. You got a thing with the old...

This is a pin and I'm holding it.

So, it's...

This is not that...

No, come on, this is for science.

It's not funny.

Oh, f*ck science.

It's for science.

[bell jingles]

Here for lunch?

Yeah, just one.

This way.

The, uh... the lady at the convention gave this place a very high recommendation.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

Your server will be right with you, okay?

Sure. Okay.
[police radio chatter]

What did you do this time?

Au contraire.

This time I'm here of my own volition.

When you use big words, I know that you want something from me.

Okay, I... I do want something from you, but it's not for me.

It's for Pete.

You know, I was thinking about all of the celebrations that he missed, and I thought we should have a party for him.

You know, for all his birthdays.

You want me to dress up like a clown?

There's a clear opportunity for a joke there, but I'm going to demonstrate my maturity by letting it pass.

Oh, so you must not be high. Congratulations.

Look, how long is this gonna take?

I need to get some work one.

The only hitch is that... birthdays might be kind of a sore spot for Pete.

I was reading in these old letters that Julia gave me about his 11th birthday.

Sounded like a disaster, but there was nothing specific.

Do you remember what happened?

I...

I'm not... I'm not really good a this.

Did you ask Grandpa?

No.

You don't remember?

When you were a kid, all the videos he took.

He videoed, like, every birthday since we were born.

Is there a problem?

Yeah, uh, I'm an idiot.

I... I left my wallet on the night stand at the hotel.

I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do.

Just call someone and have them run it over.

I don't... I'm here by myself.

I'm here for the podiatrist convention.

I mean, I could, you know, what about this?

I could, uh...

Why don't you keep my watch until I come back?

How much is it worth?

I don't know, it was a gift, but, uh, it's a Rolex.

Yeah, I think it's worth a little bit more than the, uh... than the mean, no offense.

All right, hurry.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'll be right back.

Hurry.

Okay, okay.

Who's your second?

What?

Your partner.

I don't know what you're...

Come on, you're running a fiddle con with the watch.

I'm just wondering who got to spook Ben, say it's worth 50 grand?

I don't know what you're sayin', I don't...

Look, Pete, I know who you are.

Wait, how do you know my name?

How is not important. What's important is I know you and you don't know me, which means you're not well suited for the life.

So here's how it's gonna go.

Go back in there, you pay Tony for your meal, and you give him 100 besides.

Or Bixby's gonna hold you while I call the cops.

What say you, Pete?

You know what I say?

I am gonna go back in there.

I'm gonna go back in there and call the police, because this is bullshit. This is...

Hey. Hey, get him, he got my watch.

Got my f*ckin' watch!

Move!

Move!

Move!

Raise a fuss and I'll brain ya.

♪ ♪

Move!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. [grunts] Okay.

The watch.

Okay. Yeah. Here you go.

Okay.

Met your grandson.

Charming young man.

At first I thought he was running a short con, and then I thought he was doing that as a distraction so he could lift my watch.

Now I see he was just wanting to make sure you and me got some alone time.

That what you wanted?

I want the 150k you stole from our safe.

I don't know what you're talking about.

[glass breaking]

You can break everything in here, I don't have your...

Okay. Okay, okay! Jesus.

I'm... I'll get it.

I'm gettin' it.

You have your hand on a g*n?

Two g*ns.

Okay.

Let's see if you can clear 'em before I cave in the side of your head.

I can sh**t right through the counter.

Then do it.

I don't have your money, Otto.

Why should I believe you?

'Cause you saved my f*cking life.

Which time? In the A Shau Valley, or 20 years ago when you came lookin' for work?

The A Shau.

Nice way you repay me, jumpin' ship to work for these assholes.

I gave you 20 years of solid effort.

That's not enough?

They made me a better offer.

Besides, the way the business is going...

It was a strategic decision?

I get no weekends.

I get higher pay, and I get Bixby to do the rough stuff.

I'm too old to take a bull... or a baseball bat to the head.

You know the story of this bat?

Is it funny? I like funny stories.

I think it's funny.

I got this bat 30 years ago before you came to join us.

It was this French Canadian, a defenseman for the Whalers.

He was a goon, got into a bar fight here in Bridgeport, so we bonded him out.

For collateral, he brought us his Stanley Cup ring from a stint with the Oilers.

Never saw one before.

Anyway, I was sure he'd show up for his arraignment because... hell, it's a Stanley Cup ring, right?

But he ran.

So I went after him.

I went after him all the way across the border into...

Pay the f*ck attention!

I'm listening.

I find him at his sister's house.

And he comes at me with a hockey stick, and I see this bat and I grab it.

I do the math.

He's got a lot more reach with a hockey stick than I do with this bat.

So, huh, here's the funny part.

You know what I did? I threw it at him.

Are you f*cking my wife?

Is that why you're here?

No, I'm not f*cking your wife, Otto.

And if you want to know where the money is, you'd better ask her.

I... I've been worried about Audrey this past while, too.

Something's wrong.

If you need me to help...

I need you to f*ck the f*ck off, you f*ck.

She's my wife. I'll take care of it.

Well, tell your grandson to go pay Tony for his lunch.

And here.

Give him back his shitty watch.

You can keep the bat. I bought it at Herb's 10 minutes ago.

[door opens, closes]

Did he have the money?

No.

♪ ♪

[screaming]

Man: Hey, there he is.

[chuckling]

Easy, easy does it. Easy does it.

Boy: I'm gonna get you.

[chuckling]

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Pete ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[billiard balls clattering]

♪ ♪
♪ Cross my heart and hope to die ♪

Thanks.

Why the watch?

What?

Well, the way you separated Sam from his muscle, any number of ways you could have done that, but you chose to run a fiddle con on him with the watch.

Well, I knew Sam would... wouldn't run, but Bixby would.

But you knew how to lift the watch?

I saw it on You Tube.

So you don't know any cons?

What?

Con artists.

What are you getting at?

I just was wondering if it had something to do with why you haven't seen your mother in three years.

You don't know? I thought maybe you would have been in touch with her.

No, I wish. I wish.

After you and your mom left, Lila and Maggie wrote letters back and forth for a couple of months, and then your grandmother did, uh... well, you know what she did, and that was the end of the letters.

I'm glad you're back, Pete.

I am glad you're back.

I never could have done what I did today with Taylor and Julia.

And it really felt good.

Gettin' a jump on Sam, throwin' the bat at him.

[chuckles]

I felt like I was 30 again.

Okay, 50.

Anyway, it was really good to be able to... feel like I could do something.

Is Grandma gonna be okay?

Huh?

Otto, the money in the safe.

When's the trial?

Starts tomorrow.

Starts tomorrow.

Yeah.

Start... How long does it go for?

Couple of weeks.

So, when it's over with, what are you... what happens?

You don't have to worry about that.

I... look, I don't know much about the bail bond business, but I'm thinkin' she could probably go to jail for something like this.

Your grandmother's not gonna go to jail, I will take care of it.

Do you have any idea where the money is?

You have any clue?

Hey, hey, Nancy Drew, let it go, huh?

I will talk to your grandmother about it tomorrow.

I will talk to her about it in the morning.

Not tonight.

Tonight, I am gonna be sh*t-faced.

Ahhh.

[glasses clink]

What did you do three years ago?

Why do you keep asking me about three years ago?

Well, when you showed up, we were on the porch, and you said you did something three years ago, and your mother hasn't forgiven you.

That's between me, my mother and, uh...

I know, I don't want the details.

I just want to know... [sighs]

How does this sit with you now, you feel okay about it, you feel lousy...

Well, it's stupid, that's all.

It was stupid.

I still think of you as a little kid.

I know. I know. You're a grown man.

[chuckles]

Something I... I-I-I've seen something... in the work.

You bond a guy out... on a domestic, and, uh...

Maybe he beats his wife.

He's afraid that she's cheating on him.

Thing is, she almost never is.

But the guy, a couple of girls on the side, cheaters always think they're being cheated.

What?

That's why I suspected Sam and your grandmother.

'Cause of something I did 13 years ago.

When I was stupid.

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[phone ringing]

Hi.

Can you talk?

I can.

Thanks for getting my phone back to me, though I wish you'd done it in person.

Didn't think that'd be too smart.

Anybody at the station see you with it?

Uh, my cousin, but he doesn't know you, or your phone.

Can I see you tonight?

I can't.

Studying for the detective's?

Uh, yeah, yeah. Besides, I'm...

I'm looking at you right now.

Are you following me?

You gonna pull me over, officer?

I'm looking at one of your billboards.

[scoffs]

I wish I had never agreed to do that.

No. No, you look... God, you look great.

You must be in a pretty sketchy part of town to be seeing one of those.

Are you studying for the exam in a strip club?

Nah, I... I, you know, I stopped by Bruno's on the way home to get a drink.

Sure we can't get together?

Shawn's in Hartford.

He opening up a new office?

I have no idea.

He said he won't be home until late.

God, I wish I could.

You're all I think about.

You are all I think about, too.

Drive safe, okay?

[water running]

You got a second?

What, to teach you how to pickpocket? No.

You suck, but that's not actually what I wanted to talk about.

What is it?

I need to talk about my period.

[chuckles]

That's funny.

Uh, yeah, no, I actually, um...

I've been reading these old letters between our mothers after you guys took off.

Really.

Well, I'd like to see those.

Yeah, they're amazing.

No one in this family ever wants to talk about the two dead plants in the room, AKA, my parents, so these letters are about all I've got.

Yeah.

Anyway, I read in this one this thing, and I... I just want to know if it's true.

Yeah, you know, I don't really remember much from back then.

Your 11th birthday.

Our moms got really drunk... making the cake, and... [laughs]

When they brought it out, apparently, my mom just, like, fell and went face first into the cake.

And it just became this, like, big food fight, and...

Even Otto and Audrey joined in. [laughs]

Do you remember that?

How could I forget?

Memories of my mother being drunk are always the greatest.

Thanks for reminding me.

[TV playing in the background]

[cell phone buzzing]

Wait a second.

What do you want?

Your husband and grandson paid me a visit today.

What?

Otto was asking about $150,000 that had gone missing from your safe.

Oh, f*ck.

You want to tell me what's going on?

I think the real reason Otto came by was to ask if you and I were banging.

What'd you say?

What do you think I said?

Oh, another thing.

Your grandson's a crook.

Why?

Well, I thought he was runnin' a short con badly, but it turns out he was runnin' a distraction quite well.

It doesn't mean he's a crook.

Otto probably told him what to do.

Otto teach him how to lift my watch?

[siren chirping]

♪ ♪

Otto: Sometimes somebody knows they're being followed, they hop into a building so they can skip out back, leaving the one who's tailing them out front.

With their thumb up their ass.

[door opens]

[buzzing]

How you doin'?

[Russian accent] Closing.

Just had a quick question.

Did a woman come in here today before lunch with a shopping bag?

Closing. Out.

What if I was a customer?

Are you?

No, you are man with question.

Hey, let me ask you something.

How much would you give me for this?

Okay.

Oyster.

It's worth 27.

I could give you 20 if it wasn't piece of sh*t fake.

You're kidding.

Yeah.

That's me making jokes.

Yeah, that's a fake? Are you sure?

40 years I look at Rolex on wrist of middle age man caught f*cking waitress, getting divorced, needs money to hide from wife.

I know this sh*t backwards.

Damnit.

How much you pay?

Well, I didn't.

I made a deal, but I thought I was getting the better end of the deal.

Heh.

That's the worst, isn't it?

When you think you're the one playing, but you're actually the one being played.

How can you tell it's fake?

There are ways.

So, okay, for instance, that oyster there, is that real?

Is real.

Are you sure?

f*ck yes, I'm sure.

Old days, you check weight.

Fakes better now.

The weight is good. Here.

See? The same.

Now, look at second hand.

Rolex second hand moves smooth.

Yours, little jerks.

Coarse movement.

Son of a bitch.

I never would have noticed that.

Put it down. Put fake away.

Let me ask you about that woman now, all right?

Make it quick.

My grandma, she's in a home.

She says the nurse has been stealing from her.

She said she took something and-and put it in a shopping bag, went off and pawned it.

Pawned what?

That's the thing. From one minute, it's silverware, the next minute it... it's jewelry.

I don't... her mind, she... she goes in and out.

As far as I know, it's bullshit, but, you know, I gotta check.

No nurse today. Today, regular customers.

Well, there it is, she lost her marbles then.

[cell phone buzzing]

That's not what you think.

You like big dicks. So what?

I don't like big dicks. I don't like big dicks, that a sculpture of the ancient Egyptian god Minh.

That's what I traded for the watch.

A fake statue.

Yeah, made in Chong King three weeks ago.

So you both get sh*t.

Yeah, but I thought I was better.

I was sure I was getting a real Rolex.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, give me that.

I don't want ancient Egypt d*ck fingers touching that.

Oh. [laughs] Hey, what's your name?

Gregor.

Okay. All right. See ya.

See you.

[clock chiming]

So I look to my right, I see the clock.

And the clock means?

It means somebody's running a con on Audrey.

You sure?

Look I've run this con before.

This is the part where you milk the mark dry.

You sure you're not just seeing what you want to see?

No, if it was just $150,000 gone missing from a safe, that'd be one thing, but she pawned a piece of collateral.

That's completely illegal.

No, she... she's desperate.

Well, you said they're on hard times.

Hard times, you sell the farm.

That's what you do with hard times.

No, somebody's squeezing her.

I just have to find out who, and then that's where the money's gonna be.

Do you have time to find out?

In three days, Vince takes a finger.

Okay, that's really helpful.

Anyways, I saw Karolina again.

Yeah, I know, she came by.

What'd she say?

She said she stopped you from getting yourself k*lled.

Is she in?

She's already started.

Vince, if I saw anything, I would tell you, I swear.

Calm down, Tate.

I'm not accusing you of anything.

Been watching the hands?

Watch all their hands like you told us.

All right, so when you're watching Ivy's hand or Hector's hand, who's watching our little Indian friend here?

He could be up to something, right?

I... I mean, it's possible.

I can watch closer next time.

Really focus on this guy.

All right.

Tate, it goes without saying, you don't say anything to anybody, yeah?

Of course not. Of course.

[door opens, closes]

Maybe we can get somebody from the outside from a casino.

That can spot cheats.

Hm, what's he gonna wear, Eddie mask?

Mr. Fuckerjee will sense that something is up if he sees a new face watching over him.

No, it's too bad.

What's too bad?

The only way to find out if Mukherjee isn't cheating.

Hm.

You know what I thought you were gonna say?

No.

It's too bad that I can't use Eddie.

You played for the Roughriders, and the Roughriders?

They got two teams with the same name?

It's Canada.

I think they changed one a few years back.

Canada, huh?

Must have been cold.

Not during the season.

Besides, I played four years at Wisconsin, and that sh*t was cold.

Walking to class in January.

It's ugly.

Taking this well.

Getting my toe chopped off?

If I'm not mistaken, I'm pretty sure I screamed like a guy getting his f*cking toe chopped off.

I mean after.

After, I was on f*ckin' Jupiter with all the pain meds you guys gave me.

I thought your dog ate my toe.

Okay then, since.

You haven't bitched and moaned too much.

Would it get my toe back?

[cell phone rings]

Yep.

Yeah. Bring Eddie by tomorrow.

Okay.

And, uh, in the meantime, treat him nice.

Get him some ice cream, or a steak. Whatever he wants.

Hookers and blow, anything.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Pete ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[chuckles] Ah, come on, Pete.

Make a wish.

Come on.

Don't tell us what it is.

Make a wish, Petey.

Isn't it pretty?

Eleven years old.

Where's my mom?

Oh, come on, make a wish.

Pete, make a wish.

Honey, turn it off. Turn it off.

[cell phone beeps]

Who the hell are you?
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