01x20 - Charlie and the Snake

♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da ba-da-ba-da-ba ♪
♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da Let's go! ♪
♪ We'll be there ♪
♪ a wink and a smile and a great, old time ♪
♪ yeah, we'll be there ♪
♪ wherever we are, there's fun to be found ♪
♪ we'll be there when you turn that corner ♪
♪ when you jump out the bush ♪
♪ with a big bear hug and a smile ♪
♪ we'll be there ♪

Newswoman: Tonight on "Creatures of mystery," we investigate a mysterious hairy beast that roams the woods of California.

From eyewitness reports, we are able to learn its secrets.

I seen him. He was about, mm, 20 feet tall.

He ate my baby... burritos!

He has beautiful hair.

Here is an artist's rendering of the beast.

What is this creature? What does it do all day?

Who does it communicate with?

Only one thing is certain... wherever it is out there, it is most likely isolated and completely alone.

Almost! Ah! Perfect!

And completely alone. Here now is the clearest photo anyone has been able to capture.

Oh, hey, guys! What's up?

Oh, hey, Charlie. How'd you get in here, buddy?

Oh, I saw that the doors were locked, but no worries ... I found an open window.

Ice Bear is calling the cops.

Ugh. Way ahead of you. [beeps]

Come on, man, be nice.

I wanted to stop by and give you guys some gifts!

But first, you've gotta close them eyes.

Come on, now, no peepin'!

[Chuckles] Oh, man, you guys are gonna love these.

Oops. Here we go.

Ha ha, all right! Open 'em!

Oh, how lovely, Charlie.

Why am I a pickle?

Because I relish our friendship.

So, what are you guys up to today?

Uh, well, uh... we have to go...

[Cellphone buzzes]

Huh?

Oh! A craft fair downtown in 30 minutes.

Ooh, craft fair? I want to go!

Yes, let's go there.

Okay, well, we have to get going I guess!

Huh?

Sorry, Charlie.

Wait, wait, wait! Don't go!

Uh, I mean, you can't go, 'cause I, uh...

I planned, uh... a party! Yeah, a party!

Oh, it's gonna be huge!

And you guys are the guests of honor! Want to come?!

Uh... okay, man.

Hey, all right!

Ugh! There goes my day.

We're gonna need this!

Charlie: Come along, bears! We're real close now!

Ooh, can't wait till I see our party spot.

[Grunting]

Huh? Oh, man, I forgot my phone!

Oh, no, my phone! I think I'll go back and get it!

Don't be silly. Come on, now.

Ice Bear respects your attempt.

Come on, guys. It's not gonna be so ...

Yep, good enough. We're here!

Welcome to party central! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Surprise!

This is the party?

Right this way, gentlemen! Now, you can all have a seat.

Oh! An arrival! Hey, man!

Glad you could make it! How are ya?

Aha! Bird's here! It's a rager!

O-ho! There he is! There's the guy!

Buck, bears! Bears, Buck!

Hey, man!

Hello.

Hey, Grizz, this is weird, right?

I mean, we don't know anyone at this party!

And I'm starting to think Charlie doesn't know anybody, either.

Ha ha! Hey, Buck, where are we going?

Ice Bear suggests we bail.

Ugh, I don't know if we should.

[Rustling]

Oh, man! There was this one time the bears and I were just chilling like friends... huh?

[Hisses]

[gasps]

[Both scream]

Oh, it's coming over!

Away! Away!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Relax, fellas.

I'll ... I'll handle this. [Clears throat]

Uh, hey, man. Hey, uh, excuse me.

Yeah, if you could, uh, do your snake things elsewhere, that would be super great.

Oh, you live around here? Oh, you just moved?

Oh, yeah, it's a nice place.

Maybe we can leave now?

Good stuff to do. I think the party's going well!

Everyone's having a great time!

W-Where you guys going?

Uh... nowhere.

Aw, you guys can't leave yet! The party's only getting started!

We have all these snackies to eat, see?

[Chittering]

Don't worry, gentlemen, I'll just run and get some more real quick!

You just stay right here. Enjoy yourselves!

It's your party! [Laughs]

Don't go away, now!

Oh, hey, man. You, uh, you want to come, too? [hisses]

Okay. But no distractions!

We're getting food and then straight back to the party.

I can't keep my buddies waiting. Hang tight, guys!

Keep the party popping while I'm gone.

Bye.


All right, now it's important we find the best food for this party, got it?

The bears are my best friends, and as such, they deserve the best.

This here is one of my regular ... [Gasps]

[Laughs]

Ugh, what is it with people and cameras?

It's like they have to compulsively record everything they see and eat.

Hey, man, what are you doing?!

Aah!

Snake!

[Both scream]

They're gone! Great job, my scaly little friend.

All right, let's see what we got.

Oh, yep, as I feared ... generic label.

Not good enough for my buddies.

And Panda's allergic to peanuts, so nope.

And, man, these aren't fair trade bananas.

No good. Come on, lets keep moving.

[Squeaks]

Beh.

[Squeaks]

Whoa.

Grizz, these guests are creeping me out.

Ah, butter 'em up a little bit, you know?

Here, I'll show you. Hello, woodland friend!

Boy, do I like your fur coat!

[Snarls]

[all gasp]

When did Charlie say he'd be back again?

Here's another one of my regular hangouts.

Even got myself a spare key!

[laughs]

There will most definitely be food here the bears will like!

I mean they live here, you know. [laughs]

You take the lower cupboards and the floor, I'll check over here.

Hmm! No, no. No, sir.

No way, no good! Nope, no siree.

Hmm. Any of this look good enough for the bears?

Ah, yeah, you're right.

Man, not a single edible thing in this place.

Think, Charlie. Come on, think.

Hmm.

That's it! Ha ha! Pizza!

Great idea, man! Now to find a phone.

Aha!

[Ringing]

Man: Hello, Papa Pa-pizzeria?

Hello, pizza! I'd like to order you!

Panda: What if everything we are is just a figment of someone else's imagination?

I mean, if what I see isn't real, am I even real?

You know?

[Squeaks]

This is pointless. Thank you for your time.

Hey, how are you guys doing?

Not good.

We're having a dance competition with a worm.

[music]

You got this, bro!

We're back with "Creatures of mystery."

Fresh traces of the beast have been found in the local forest.

Yep, that's him.

Thousands of dollars will be offered as a reward for a clear photo of the creature... [Laughing]

Oh, man, snake, you are a riot!

One more knock-knock. Come on, just one more!

Lay it on me!

[hisses]

[laughs]

That is a good one, buddy.

Brr! Oh, it's getting a little chilly.

You cold? Here, wait right here.

All right, here you are!

Aw, you're gonna look so handsome.

Hey, man, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I didn't really know what to make of you at first.

But I'm really glad you decided to tag along.

[Knock on door]

Oh, that must be the pizza!

Hey, uh, snake, I kind of like to keep a low profile.

You mind?

Pizza!

[hisses] Uh, I got pizzas here for a Mr. Snakeson.

Is, uh, is that you?

Oh, yes, of course! Hiss hiss.

Yes, it was me. Do you like my scarf?

A good friend gave it to me. I'll take the pizza now.

Hiss hiss.

Uh, that'll be $20.

Of course! You wait right there.

I'm going to go get my snake wallet.

Now there's bound to be 20ish bucks here somewhere!

Hey, thanks for helping me out back there, by the way.

You did a really good job!

I've actually never been able to get a pizza delivered like that before.

Oh, you tired?

All right, you just take a rest here.

Oh, you like my statues?

Yeah, I'll make one of you next time we hang out.

Man, those took ages to make.

Aha! Perfect change!

[Gasps]

Ah, no! What are you doing?! Stop! Spit those out!

Ah, man I told you how hard I worked on these.

The bears really loved them. Why'd you do that?

W-Where you going now?

What, that's it? No apology?

[mellow music]

You really hurt my feeling, man. Huh?

Man, I thought you liked your scarf!

You're just going to leave it here?

Man, you're a horrible friend!

Don't look at me!

[Sobbing]

[Knock on door]

Hello? Did you find your snake wallet?

[Scoffs] Mean snake. Can't trust new friends these days.

[Camera shutter clicks]

Huh?

Whoa!

[Screams]

Whoa, did you see that?!

Come on! I bet we can get this on the news!

[Panting]

[Music]

[Camera shutter clicking]

There he is! Get him!

[Panting]

[Camera shutter clicking]

[Grunts]

[Chuckles] Man, his feet really are big!

Now smile and say cheese ...

[hisses]

Huh!

Snake! Oof!

[Hisses]

Larry! Help me, Larry!

[Hissing]

[Screaming]

You came back for me.

I'm so sorry we fought, buddy. Can we be friends again?

I'll take that as a yes.

Oh! The party!

We gotta get this pizza to the bears stat!

The grub has arrived! Got the pizzas right here!

Fellas? Where'd everybody go?

Oh.

"Got late. Went home. Had fun. Thanks."

Oh. They had a good time. Ha!

And I couldn't have done it without you.

[Music]

This was such a fun day. Maybe we can ...

[Rustling]

Oh, is that your family? Oh, they're beautiful.

I guess you gotta go, then.

We can hang out again some other time. Go be with your family.

[Sighs]

Hey, you're back? What's that you're doing there?

[Gasps] Is this a scarf?

Hey, I love it.

Hey, do you want a slice of pizza for the road?

All righty, then!

Thank you, friend!

Skulking through the wilderness like a phantom, creeping stealthily through the underbrush. It's possible that the true nature of this hairy creature will never be known. But perhaps, just perhaps, there is something beautiful, something majestic in his solitude.