02x10 - Is This All Because I Didn't Call You

Previously on Blunt Talk...

Duncan Adler has been linking Rudolph Global to the killing of LA's recycled water plant in 2001.

Anyway, there's a vote coming up, Proposition 68, to try to reopen the plant.

So the question is, why are they against recycled water when LA so clearly needs it?

Until all the charges are dropped, you are suspended.

No!

Rudolph Global is a dangerous corporation.

They need to be exposed.

I happen to care about Rudolph Global, Mr. Blunt.

Evelyn wants me to escort her to another fundraiser and it's at Daniel Rudolph's house.

And if we can get you alone with Rudolph, maybe you could get him talking and secretly tape him like old-school Mike Wallace.

Oh, I like that.

Leave my brother alone, Walter.

Put the gun down, Margaret.

You're not really going to shoot us.

Turn around! I f*cking mean it!

♪ ♪
♪ Blunt ♪
♪ Talk. ♪

Margaret, don't be foolish.

You can't shoot intruders in the back.

It won't look good for you.

Is this all because I didn't call?

If so, I apologize, Margaret, profoundly.

You see, I didn't know we were dating.

Well, that's not the only reason, but it didn't help.

I liked kissing you all over.

I liked the way you smell.

But you've had people killed, Margaret.

A dear friend of mine was assaulted.

You framed us for murder. Why?

Because my brother is useless and it's been up to me to protect what my handsome father built from nothing.

But Rudolph Global is worth billions.

How much more do you want?

And why deprive the people of Los Angeles of clean water?

I'm not. Water recycling is disgusting.

Diarrhea is the number one cause of death in the world.

I won't have that happen to LA even if it means killing you.

Drop the gun, lady.

Bravo, Jim!

Over there, please. Over there, please.

Thank you.

I'm a hero.

Drop the gun, beekeeper.

Ah, damn it.

Come here. Come on.

Let's go. Over there.

Thank you, Barry. I'm gonna call the police and tell them we have intruders.

Let's check them for wires first.

I don't trust journalists, not in this day and age.

Holy sh1t, is that decorative flower a camera?

No.

No.

Drop the gun, sea horse.

Oh, damn it.

Well done, Celia!

Come on, let's get out of here.

Oh, there you are, Jim.

Look what I got. Booger sugar.

In time for sunrise.

Yeah, okay.

What?

Let's go, let's go Evelyn.

Jesus.

Oh, hello, Margaret.

I'm sorry, do I know you?

Come! Come! Quickly!

Well done, Harry.

Come on, Major.

Where's my car? Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick!

Thank you.

Meow.

Oh.

Oh, Lord.

I don't think there's enough room for everybody.

Come with me, Major. I have an idea.

You three take off.

You drive, sir.

Oh, are we doing the right thing, Harry?

Yes, Major.

We'll return it with a full tank of... gas later.

Uh, goggles, sir.

Oh, thank you.

We'd better go, sir, before the police arrive.

Yes, Harry.

[motor starts]

Go, Major!

Stop, you crazy bitches!

Crap! f*ck! Crap!

♪ ♪

Faster, Celia. He's right behind us.

I am going as fast as I can, Jim.

[snorts]

This is fun.

Floor it!

[tires squeal]

sh1t!

[laughs]

Yes.

He's passed her, sir.

Do something, Harry!

What the f*ck?

I've slowed him up, sir.

sh1t!

He's stopping, sir. He's pulled off the road.

Yes!

Empty? God damn it.

I just filled it up two months ago.

Fantastic, Harry.

Attaboy.

[birds chirping]

[whispering] Hello in there.

Um, my name is Martin.

I have a lot of debt.

Can you hear me?

Testing, testing.

I think it's working, Major.

Walter: I hope so.

How do I look, Major?

Very pretty, Harry.

Just for tonight, sir, this one extraordinary night when I get to be a beautiful woman, could you call me Harriet?

All right, Harry.

No, Harriet, please.

Jim, just forward the damn thing.

Uh, sorry, Walter.

Y-you see, I always wanted to be like Tiresias, half man, half woman, all-knowing.

I get it. When I was a kid, I used to dress up like a girl every Halloween.

Now stop when Margaret Rudolph is visible.

Yes, Walter.

Walter: But you've had people killed, Margaret.

A dear friend of mine was assaulted.

You framed us for murder. Why?

Margaret: Because my brother is useless and it's been up to me to protect what my handsome father built from nothing.

What do you think, gentlemen?

I like her antlers.

Yeah, they're beautiful.

But she does seem homicidal.

I'll let my friend the DA know what's going on.

You boys lift up the bath mat on Rudolph Global and some ugly stuff is gonna crawl out.

I hear you, Mr. Birmingham. We'll do some poking around.

We're gonna have to take that camera.

Falls under evidence of the investigation for Arbogast's murder.

How quickly can you gentlemen act on this?

As fast as we can, Mr. Blunt. We got to get warrants.

We got to get breakfast.

We got all sorts of Kafkaesque bullshit to go through.

Mm, justice moves slow, Walter.

People are confused by right and wrong, hmm?

Come on, I'll walk you boys out to your car.

You got work to do. Or you can come by the house.

I got some frozen Argentinian steaks your wives will love to cook up.

All right, the vote is tomorrow.

We need the Rudolphs discredited immediately.

Ideas, please.

Oh, okay, I... I kind of have a...

I have a really good idea or a notion.

It's a kernel. Never mind. Sorry.

Jim, what is it?

Okay.

We're gonna have to talk to Shelly.

So for the news of the day, I'll cover the skirmish in Kazakhstan, the flooding in Ohio, and the abortion protest in Charleston.

Fantastic.

And then for the Medicine Cabinet, I'm doing a special on hysterectomies and their psychological impact.

I love it. My mother had a hysterectomy.

Oh.

Um, this is a great intimacy and trust exercise, Bob.

Thanks. I read about it in Modern Love.

Let me see yours.

Uh, um, I'm not ready. Can I see yours?

Of course.

Um... can we try another intimacy exercise, Bob?

Sure.

[knocks]

Rosalie?

There's something I have to tell you.

I know. Jim told me.

Rosalie Two is pregnant.

I thought I felt something kick the other night.

I told Jim not to tell anyone.

Everyone knows. Mazel tov.

But, Rosalie, I'm scared to be a father.

I'm not ready.

You are.

You know how to listen. You know how to be kind.

You'll make a beautiful father.

But what about me and you?

If-if I'm gonna be a dad, I-I think I have to quit swinging.

That's fine. I'll always be your friend.

I love you more than you know.

[door opens]

[gasps] Teddy!

I thought I'd surprise you, my love.

Oh!

Martin, dear boy, the girl at the front desk told me the great news.

Hey, maybe we're next.

[both laugh]

Mmm.

Oh, um, okay.

[moaning]

Put your hands up like this.

Now place your hands close to mine, but we can't touch.

Now let's make circles.

Mm-hmm.

Try and breathe.

And at the same time maintain eye contact.

Can I blink?

Yes, you can blink.

It's... look, it's... it's not a staring game.

Okay.

Okay? It's tantric.

[moans]

Let's see if we can come.

You can come that easily?

Oh, yeah, my G-spot stays open 24/7.

[moans]

Oh, my God, it's working. I'm already wet.

Shh! Shh! I'm really close.

Okay, sorry.

Yeah, yeah.

Rosalie: Yes!

Yeah, baby.

Yes! Yes!

Oh, my God! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes!

[Rosalie moans]

What the hell is that?

I missed my orgasm.

I'm never gonna get that back.

Yes, you will, baby.

[sighs]

Hi. Oh, sh1t. What's your name, Kelly?

Teddy, no. It's Shelly.

What is it, Shelly? Were we too loud?

Way too loud. We're trying to work in here.

Bullshit.

[huffs]

So annoying.

Walter never complained about my screams.

You know what? I think I'm ready to go again.

Ah!

All that fly-fishing has been good for my circulation.

Oh, Teddy, I've missed you.

I've missed you, baby.

Rosalie... oh.

Uh, Teddy, you're back from your fishing trip.

Is he ever.


Hi, Walter.

Great. Uh, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Uh, Rosalie, there's something I need to run past you.

Can you give me a minute, Walter?

Ye... yes, o-of course.

Jim: Shelly, Rosalie, I think you're gonna love this.

We found a loophole. It's simple.

It's beautiful. It's perfect. It's...

Jim, get to the point.

Okay, ahem, here's the point.

Walter is suspended from being the anchor, but they don't say anything about him being a guest on Blunt Talk.

So Shelly can interview Walter and he can get out his fantastic message on Proposition 68.

What do you think, Rosalie?

I like it.

So do I. It's ballsy.

[snoring]

Harry?

Sorry, sir.

W-we've been up for 24 hours.

Can I go and lie down?

Otherwise I think I might go mad.

Yes, of course.

Thank you, sir.

You can have a nap on my couch if you like. It's very comfortable.

Thank you.

Huh. So here's the problem.

Bob is not gonna like this loophole idea and I don't want it to endanger your position, Shelly.

I think I can get Bob to say yes.

I have a feeling you can get Bob to say a lot of things.

What does that mean?

You know what that means.

Okay, listen, I don't like keeping secrets from you guys.

Bob and I have become lovers. He's leaving his boyfriend for me.

Oh, my God, that's sexual harassment.

No, not if I like it. I like it.

I like it a lot.

So after I do the news of the day, I'll announce a special broadcast.

An exclusive interview with Walter Blunt.

And then Walter will come out, but it'll be right before the commercial.

And he'll kiss me on the cheek, and everyone will be freaking out to see him.

And then I'll say super sexy, "Back after this with Walter Blunt."

This way, the Internet can get cooking.

And by the time we're back, everyone will be watching.

This is about water, Bob.

It is the most important issue of the 21st century.

Yeah, but it's also really sexy.

So this is what Shelly wants?

It is, Bob. This is what Shelly wants.

Okay.

Well, Bob wants what Shelly wants.

And Shelly wants what Bob wants.

So let's do what we want.

And if Bronson gives me any pushback, I will tell him to go f*ck himself.

Mr. Bronson. I thought you were in New York.

I just flew in this morning.

This is my very good friend Margaret Rudolph.

Pleasure to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Arthur's been telling me how good you are at your job.

Who invited Sonny and Cher?

Bronson: They're my security from New York.

We were told that Walter is on the premises and I'd like him removed.

Why?

Margaret has been telling me some disturbing things about him.

His libelous accusations, his cross-dressing, his bad dating etiquette.

He's not a well person.

[murmuring]

Water.

I need water.

I need water. I'm so thirsty.

Don't worry, we'll find you water, Harriet.

I promise. Very soon now.

Walter: Harry?

Water.

Harry.

Water.

Harry, are you all right?

Wa...

You were calling out my name.

No, I was crying water, water.

Walter.

No, water.

Walter.

Water.

Walter.

No, water.

Walter.

No, sir, water.

Sir, I was in the desert on a camel as Harriet.

Harriet? Your female persona from the party?

She was so much fun. I loved her.

Here he is.

Mr. Blunt.

We're here to escort you out of the building immediately.

On whose orders?

Mr. Bronson's.

[sighs]

Good-bye, everyone.

Baby, I'm sorry.

Walter, Walter, I'm sorry.

Bronson flew in from New York and ambushed me.

What happened to telling him to go f*ck himself?

I lost my nerve. But I really wanted to do this interview.

Well, maybe we still can.

But I'll need the Jaguar.

This is very exciting, Walter.

Walter: Yes, we're taking a big risk, but Bob is onboard.

You've really inspired him, Shelly.

Thank you, Walter.

Rosalie, Celia, and Martin, you stay with Shelly.

Jim, procure a news van. Do you have a commercial driver's license?

No.

It doesn't matter.

Harry will text you the coordinates.

Copy that, Jim?

Yes, sir.

Oh, and, Martin, congratulations on the baby.

I meant to say so earlier.

Harry: Yeah, well done, Martin.

Uh, thank you.

[whispers] You told everyone?

Yeah.

Celia, are they in place?

Uh, we need approximately six more minutes.

Oh.

Shelly, we're opening with the regular A block, then cutting early to a commercial.

Three, two...

Jim, let's set up here. This is the best frame.

Okay, we're live in 90 seconds. Yeah, copy that, Celia.

Harry!

Well, I don't want you to burn, Major.

Honestly, I don't even know why we're out here with your fair skin.

Because this is the perfect backdrop.

I came fishing here with Teddy once and look at it now.

Okay, Harry, I need you to do the cards, okay?

You got to be the teleprompter, okay?

I think I'll manage.

30 seconds.

Okay, I'm sending the uplink now, Celia.

Do you have picture?

Yes, we have it.

20 seconds now. The break's almost over.

Oh, I'm so excited. Do I have time to use the bathroom?

No, hold it.

Shelly, we have Walter.

Go with the prepared questions.

Man: In five, four...

Let's do this sh1t...

... three, two, one.

Welcome back to Blunt Talk.

Tonight we have something really exciting for you, a very special guest... Walter Blunt.

Hello, Walter.

Hello, Shelly.

Walter, in the last week, you were framed for murder...

f*cking hell. Did you know about this?

Yes.

You moron.

You don't realize how much you cost me.

So my first question is where are you?

Mars? It looks awfully dry.

Where... where are you?

I'm here at Lake Castaic, 40 miles north of Los Angeles.

Once a popular and vibrant destination, the water level of this lake has dropped over 100 feet in the last few years.

And tragically this is happening all over the state.

We've all been hearing so much about this drought in California, but what can we actually do?

f*cking sh1t!

Bob says we should lock all the doors of the control room.

Walter, your delay in answering seems overly long.

I mean, there... there's always a... a weird delay, but this seems very pronounced.

Yeah, Jim, wh-what's happening with the delay?

C-Celia, I'm doing the best I can.

I'm looking at the manual.

I'm on page 22.

What's that, Shelly?

I said is there anything we can do... about the drought?

Yes, Shelly.

My fellow Angelinos, we must pass Proposition 68 tomorrow and avail ourselves of the future... recycled water.

Rudolph Global, a water conglomerate, has tried to block this measure for years, in order to strengthen their monopoly of our water supply.

They've used blackmail and propaganda and have gone so far as to murder and assault journalists from The Guardian, who were on to them.

[knocks]

Open the door. Cut the broadcast.

Oh, point their finger at me, huh?

I'll give you more than a mere middle finger, you mother...

Miss Tinkle, I would like you to go to commercial.

Walter, things are getting hairy here.

Get her off the air.

I'm sorry, what did you say, Shelly?

But please keep talking about the drought and Rudolph Global's monopoly on our water supply.

It's... n-no! Get your mitts off me.

Help! I believe in you, Walter.

Let's do our thing!

You, get up there and tell the audience we'll be back after a commercial.

What? Oh, I'm only the...

Get up there!

Okay.

Five, four, three...

Oh, f*cking hell.

Who's counting?

... two, one...

Shut it down.

Bronson's shutting us down, Jim.

Tell Walter to go to his closing statement.

[stutters] Okay, Harry, go to the last card.

What?

The last card.

[muttering]

Start reading, Major.

Unrest around the world from Syria to North Korea can be linked to drought and the famine that comes in its wake.

All right, get on the phone and I want you to cut the power supply to this floor right now.

Yes, sir.

Walter: We are not without power.

There is the power of our voice.

The power of our vote.

Rudolph Global is a murderous corporation that wants to steal your power here in LA, but we cannot let them.

Pass Proposition 68, conserve water, recycle water.

If we can change the way we think, we can change the way we live.

[cheering]

Whoo, yeah!

Whoo, I love your dad.

He hijacked his own broadcast.

He didn't even need me. I love his dad.

This is Walter Blunt right here...

Rosalie: Jesus Christ!

Margaret Rudolph, who allegedly arranged mob-like hits to protect her family business and its far-reaching water concerns, is being brought in right now by the LAPD.

Ms. Rudolph.

Ms. Rudolph. Ms. Rudolph.

How do you feel about the passing of Proposition 68?

Why'd you do it, Ms. Rudolph?

I did it for Los Angeles.

Sounds like a confession to me.

You heard it here first.

I'll send it back to you, Walter.

This is Shelly Tinkle...

All: Doing her thing.

Thank you, Shelly.

After the break, we'll have more on this tangled web of corruption which has reached all the way here to UBS.

CEO Arthur Bronson has been forced to resign in the wake of revelations of improper business affairs with Rudolph Global.

We'll be back after this.

To all my friends, cheers.

Cheers. Cheers.

To friends.

Mr. Blunt, you're up.

What?

Oh, Lord.

Which one of you put my name down?

Yeah.

Don't worry, Walter. You know this song.

♪ ♪

Oh, you're in luck. I do know this song.

Well, this is for... the woman who broke my heart 30 years ago.

It was the best thing she could ever have done because otherwise I would never have met all of you.

♪ It's very clear ♪
♪ Our love is here to stay ♪
♪ Not for a year ♪
♪ But ever and a day ♪
♪ The radio ♪
♪ And the telephone ♪
♪ And the movies that we know ♪
♪ They're only passing fancies ♪
♪ And in time they'll go ♪
♪ But, oh, my dear ♪
♪ Our love is here to stay ♪
♪ Together we're going a long, long way ♪
♪ In time the Rockies may crumble ♪
♪ Gibraltar may tumble ♪
♪ They're only made of clay ♪
♪ But our love is here ♪

All: ♪ Our love is here ♪
♪ Our love is here to stay. ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Blunt ♪
♪ Talk ♪
♪ Blunt ♪
♪ Talk ♪
♪ Blunt ♪
♪ Talk ♪
♪ Blunt ♪
♪ Talk ♪
♪ Blunt ♪
♪ Talk ♪
♪ Blunt ♪
♪ Talk ♪
♪ Blunt ♪
♪ Talk ♪
♪ Blunt ♪
♪ Talk. ♪