01x07 - Pandemonium

[bunniefuu]

[Hissing]

Santanico: Let me ask you this. Is this really where we belong?

[Cheers and applause]

It's true. We put on a good show. And we have a hell of a time, too.

[Snake hisses]

But is this really what we deserve? To crawl at the feet of our masters?

[Cheers and applause]

We are so much more than slaves. We're brothers and sisters. We share the same struggle. And the truth is... They are weak. And we're strong.

Showtime.

[Rock music plays]

[Cheers and applause]

She's real.

She's real.

[Snake hisses]

[Rock music continues]

[Singing in Spanish]

[Spectators gasp]

[Cheers and applause]

[Singing continues]

It's her.

Who?

You can see her, too?

What?

That's the girl that led me here.

[Violin plays softly]

[Singing continues]

[Screams]

This is for Earl.

He dies, you die.

[Singing continues]

[Breathing heavily]

[Growls]

[Growls]

[Grunts]

[Hissing]

Sweet Jesus!

[Growls]

That bitch ain't right.

Do something, you idiot.

[g*nshots]

[Screeches]

[Groaning] Aah!

[Screaming]

[Hisses]

[Screaming]

[Screams]

Man: Bravo, bravo, bravo.

What the hell kind of floor show is this?

[Indistinct shouting]

[Breathing heavily]

[All growling]

Richard, get your balls on!

Get under the table!

Dad, they're everywhere!

[Rock music continues]

[Hissing]

Professor Tanner?

Step aside, sheriff.

[g*nshots]

The name's sex machine.

What the hell are you doing here?

I got you to thank, really.

Your investigation led me to this place.

[Hisses]

[g*nshots]

[Screams]

[Grunts]

[Laughter]

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go!

Dad! Go!

Go! Go! Go, go, go!

What do we do? What do we do?

Get down! Get down!

Dad, the shotgun.

Daddy, no!

[Hisses]

[Sniffing]

Is that supposed to work? Why isn't it working?

Our Lord who art in heaven, hallowed be your Name.

Your kingdom come, your will be done, as earth...

Ain't no use in praying now.

Give ourselves our daily bread...

[Gasps] ...But deliver us from evil.

[Growls]

Richie, talk to me.

I got a feeling you know what these things are.

No. I've seen them in a vision, but I have no clue what these things are.

Puta, you miss me, mijo?

sh*t!

[Speaks Spanish]

You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say these things are vampires.

Richie!

Yeah. Yeah, definitely vampires.

Go for the heart.

[Laughter]

[Rock music continues]

[Woman screams]

[Indistinct shouting]

[Glass shattering]

Bravo, Carlitos.

[Woman screaming]

You think you can fight me.

[Hisses]

Your fight's over.

No, no!

[Growls]

[Screaming]

Thank you! Good night!

[Shouts in Spanish]

[Hissing]

I thought you were ugly before.

Don't worry, chulo.

Once I'm done with you, you're gonna look just as pretty as me.

[Gasps]

That's your best face yet.

It's all right, Richard.

It's me.

I've been waiting for you.

[g*nshots]

Stop! Why did you do that?

Because she's a g*dd*mn monster!

[g*n cocks]

Now you answer me this.

Why has she been waiting for you?

Answer the question.

Get that g*n out of my face.

Says the guy who put a Kn*fe to my neck.

You know, all this time I thought I was the one that brought us here, that I did the deal with Carlos.

Turns out, you've been a part of this club before I even knew it existed.

Are you kidding me right now?

After everything I've done for you?

Sonny doesn't betray Michael, Seth.

That was Fredo.

Then explain the Kn*fe.

It's a blade, it cuts.

I ditched it at a liquor store hundreds of miles from here, and it still found its way back to you.

Now it turns out Carlos is the guys who gave it to you in the first place?

No, you're twisting things around.

Well, then set me straight.

Will you two quit it?

We don't have time for you to play Cain and Abel.

We just got att*cked by the devil's legion.

We need to find a way out of here.

Stop! Stop! It's no use.

Looks like they've got tempered steel deadbolts all the way up and down.

Jacob: There's no way out.

We checked everything backstage.

There's no windows. There's no corridors.

Not even an access to the kitchen.

This place is sealed up tighter than a drum.

So we're stuck in here with those... whatever they are.

Well, why don't you ask Richie what they are.

He's seen them before.

In my mind.

Bullshit.

You played me like an 8-track.

You knew about those things?

I begged you to let us go.

I knew that something was coming, but I didn't know what it was.

How could I possibly know that everybody in this bar was gonna turn into a...

They're vampires, aren't they?

No, I don't believe in vampires.

Well, neither do I, Richard.

However, setting aside the sheer absurdity of this conversation, they have fangs and they die when you s*ab them in the heart.

So I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say Mexican Dracula.

Except one of them ate my cross.

Is this God's judgment, Daddy?

Don't ask me.

He's the one with the gift of sight, apparently.

I think they might be Mayan or Aztec or something.

Scott.

Seth: Wait a second.

What did you say?

Given that we're in Mexico and all, it makes sense that these things might be Mayan or Aztec.

Huh?

I mean, those guys always have snakes in their art.

And I read about an ancient race of bloodsucking reptiles.

They terrorize people, hunt at the nighttime, tear them apart limb from limb with fangs and scales and wings.

Just like frog legs.

What?

Jacob: Frog legs.

Oh, my God, Scott.

This is from your stupid wrestling magazine, isn't it?

Really, kid?

Actually, the kid's not far off.

Whoa, easy there, Tex. Put down the g*n.

I should say the same thing to you.

Who is this person?

He calls himself Sex Machine.

Subtle.

Excuse me?

He was at the Rattler, too.

He's tried to hit on me.

Is that right?

Now, hold on a second.

The name's Aiden Tanner, Professor Aiden Tanner.

I'm undercover as Sex Machine.

[Chuckling] You?

You're a Professor?

Yeah. Department of archaeology, Alamo State.

I was consulting with one ranger Gonzalez about a series of bloody killings along the U.S. / Mexico border.

And when he left, I realized he was on the trail of something... something epic.

So I decided to follow him, and it brought me here.

Yeah. Okay.

So what do you mean, the kid's not far off?

What I mean is... These are Mexican Dracula.

Exactly.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are standing in the domain of the Waxaklahun Ubah Kan or Los Culebras, which, in Spanish, it means...

Serpent.

Yes.

Now, I've been studying this cult for over 10 years.

They worship the Vision Serpent.

This is their territory.

Their glyphs are all over these walls.

I mean, I've... I've seen their writings before, but never anything like this.

[Panting]

[Gasps]

We're standing on sacred ground.

[Panting]

[Coughing]

[b*ll*ts clinking]

This place is a source of immense power for these people.

People?

When they want to be.

A lot of what we hear about vampires comes from the Spanish missionaries' misconceptions about these Culebras.

They had most of it right, but these puppies are more snake than bat.

Check this out.

Venom glands. [Chuckles]

And look at this.

[Grunting]

See the fangs?

Conical in shape.

And they fold up against the gums, right?

'Cause they hinge down like a snake.

That's insane.

Yeah.

Well, the codices say that these guys are descendants from the mistress, who was a nice young lady that the snake God transformed into a bloodsucking demi-Goddess.

Just think succubus.

But then, neither she nor these Culebras are supposed to exist.

Yeah, well, it's been that kind of day.

[Hisses]

Ooh.

We better make sure these things are dead.

I mean, really, really dead.

[Growls]

Makes sense.

Destroying the blood organ kills them.

You know what to do.

[Hisses]

[Growls, hisses]

[Grunting]

[Screams]

[Hisses]

[Grunts]

Where's Richard?

You said you handled El rinche.

I did.

This wasn't supposed to be like this.

I can fix it.

The counselors are already downstairs.

They can wait.

[Gulps]

[Breathing heavily]

So, this mistress, is that Santanico Pandemonium?

I don't know. Could be.

I mean, she sure put the hurt on them bikers, squashed them like they were little cockroaches.

Well, Professor, unlike you, my brother here has had a little field research on the subject.

So, how about it, Richie?

Why don't you tell us all about your little dancing queen?

I can't reach him. [Breathing heavily]

He's blocking me.

The trust is broken.

Then trust me.

No more mistakes.

Who is she?

You told me she led you here.

She wanted me to set her free...

By k*lling her, I think.

You k*lling her or her k*lling us?

I don't know.

I could feel her inside my head, and she was pulling me close.

And, yeah, I think it was to this place.

What do they want?

Knowing that could help us figure a way out of here.

Maybe us being here pissed them off.

Doubt it. You seen the signs outside?

This entire club is designed to lure people in.

And keep them here.

What is this place?

Well, from the markings on these walls, I'd say this bar was built on top of a temple like the Spanish conquistadors did with Tenochtitlan.

Okay, Indy-with-a-cock-g*n, what kind of temple?

The kind where people come and make offerings to the vision serpent.

Blood offerings?

If it's blood that they want...

They're gonna want more soon.

She's right.

The glyphs are right here on the walls.

Ugh, these ancient pre-Mayan cultures are amazing engineers!

This isn't just a bar on a temple.

This place is a giant people juicer.

People juicer?

For who?

[Indistinct conversations]

Tanner: If this is a feeding under naturalistic conditions, then their nutritional autonomy might be hierarchical.

Okay. Okay. English, Professor, please.

What I mean is, there's a pecking order.

Gentlemen, thank you for waiting.

To the nine lords of the night and our guests, their counselors.

All: Salud!

One group ravages the herd and sends the prime cuts to the next group.

Por favor.

Hookers feed the pimps, pimps feed the capos, capos feed the bosses. I get it.

What I don't get is how do we shut it down?

I don't know.

Fresh catch.

Tanner: I do know who's on the menu, though.

Seriously, dude?

You need a PHD to figure that out?

You're one rude little bastard.

What did you call him?

All right. Just relax. Everybody take it easy, okay?

Now, look, I get that we're all a ragtag bunch of ramblers here.

But my guess is tonight's not gonna have a Scooby-Doo ending.

So whatever beefs we got, forget them, or else we're all gonna get juiced.

Or worse off, end up like the Cisco kid did earlier.

Yeah, where is ranger Gonzalez?

What happen...

Forget him.

Let's just worry about the next wave.

Hope you're hungry.

We need a plan.

That's easy.

Grab as many shotguns, knives, and wooden stakes as you can.

That way, when those bloodsuckers come back, even if we can't k*ll them, we will make them wish they were never unborn.

We're gonna need a better plan than that.

You got one?

It's coming to me.

[Guitar strumming softly]

Man: I'm not sure...

Carlos.

Carlitos.

Tell us a story while we wait for the mistress.

My stories are more of a bedtime tale compared to your epic novellas.

[Chuckles] I don't know.

I think everyone will love this one.

I'll help you begin.

Once upon a time, there was a sad excuse of an errand boy who had one simple task... to serve.

But instead, he led a pinche rinche to the foot of our table.

Well, he's gone now.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. Don't interrupt.

The rinche followed the trail of los hermanos Gecko, two Kansas City pistoleros you hired to rob a bank for you.

$30 million American.

Is that worth the chance of exposing us, all of us, for your own profit?

Hmm?

I never said I wouldn't share.

[Chuckles]

Everyone here serves the nine lords, Carlitos.

And you, Santanico, and your people, you are the lowest of all.

Slaves of slaves.

[Chuckles]

You are my bitch.

And do you know what a bitch does best, hmm?

He licks the heels of his master.

Still can't believe it.

Eh, get over it.

We live in a world with Culebras.

Plan this job, make a deal with Carlos, I keep it together, get us all the way across the border for what?

To get served up on a g*dd*mn silver platter.

Seth.

I mean, was that the plan?

Keep the money for yourself, let us get eaten?

Hmm?

I didn't have a plan.

Apparently.

You were in charge, which you reminded me of every five seconds.

36 jobs.

35. You did the last one without me, big papa, and it got you tossed in the can.

Yeah, where I still put this together, and I dragged you out of your little unabomber shack.

You remember that?

Or was that part of the act, too?

Okay. What is this act that you keep talking about?

Greatest long con in history, I guess.

You pulled it on me.

And I consider myself to be the Picasso of bullshit artists.

But you... you painted a g*dd*mn Rivera mural.

You're so up your own ass right now.

Yeah, well, I was an easy target.

An easy target.

In a million years, I never could have seen this coming.

Yeah. Why's that?

Because I'm your brother, Richard.

I'm your brother.

You know, you're right.

We have a sacred bond.

Yeah, real sacred. Not to you.

Wave $20 million in front of your face, all that goes away, right?

Don't you mean $16 million?

Our take was $20 mil.

Did you think that I wasn't gonna find out about the missing $4 million?

What are you talking about?

Okay. Let's imagine the most expensive pineapple burger ever made.

'Cause that is what you went to the Big Kahuna Burger to buy.

Am I correct?

Book of revelation didn't prepare you for this.

But then I guess you probably chalk this all up to God, huh?

Actually, I blame the Gecko brothers.

I wouldn't be so quick to judge.

There's an old story about the hero twins...

Very old story.

Ixabalanque and Hunahpu.

They descend into the underworld, and they best the dark lords.

It's in the old book, the sacred book, the Popol Vuh.

I can't say I've read that one.

I wouldn't imagine you had.

I got my lord and you got yours.

But I believe mine can save us.

Trick is to find the light again, share it with those you love before it's too late for all of us.

That will work.

You all right?

Yeah.

I'd be better if crazy lizard beasts weren't trying to k*ll us.

I know you're scared.

I'm not scared.

I am, too.

I said I'm not scared.

Be glad I'm doing something.

Between your praying and his surrendering to a higher power...

He froze.

He froze?

He doesn't have it in him.

He doesn't have what in him, Scott?

[Sighs]

Who'd you really give the money to, Seth?

I can't hear you, brother.

Okay, look.

Whatever you think that you know about that $4 million...

Do you think that I don't know that the money is for Vanessa?

Do you want to talk about the long con and the master grift?

You have to take the prize, Seth.

What were you two lovebirds gonna do?

Go buy that stupid bar in the Keys that she's always squawking about?

You moron.

Do you honestly think that I would be here if I was gonna bail on you?

Does that make sense?

It was the opposite.

I paid her to stay away.

She was supposed to cross with us.

You remember that?

Yeah.

But, no, she didn't. Why?

'Cause I told her I had to take you to El Rey.

Okay, yeah. Here we go.

Yeah, I gave it up for you. For you. You understand me?

I said goodbye to my only chance at any kind of any sane, normal existence.

And for what? Hmm?

So you could get a seat at the table with these g*ons.

'Cause let's face it.

That's all they really are, right?

Just another crew, another version of Bernardo and the Sharks.

The Sharks were Puerto Rican, you idiot.

Was it that piece of ass on stage then?

Oh. That's it, isn't it?

So that's what she taught you to do with your little Kn*fe.

Back-s*ab.

I'm getting real sick of you calling me a traitor.

You know, my entire life, I have felt like I've owed you something because you pulled me out of that fire when we were kids.

I'm getting real sick of paying vig on that.

So what are you gonna do about it?

As soon as we're out of here, you and me, we're done.

Still waiting.

The lap dog must learn who he really serves, huh?

[Laughter]

[Chuckles]

Sorry I'm late, gentlemen.

Narciso, pero. What's wrong, mi vida?

Looks like somebody hurt your feelings.

Where have you been?

Qué importa? I'm here now.

And we are gonna have un parrandón, one you'll remember for the rest of your lives.

Underneath all your heavy French perfume, some of us can still smell your fear.

You think I'm scared?

I want to know what you're up to with los hermanos Gecko y El rinche.

Why don't you explain how they fit into this special night?

Tranquilo, Narciso.

You'll get your answers.

Because tonight is special.

Tonight... all the little surprises are gonna keep on coming.

Santanico: It's true.

We put on a good show.

And we have a hell of time, too.

But is this really what we deserve?

To crawl at the feet of our masters?

We are so much more than slaves.

We're brothers and sisters.

We share the same struggle.

And the truth is, they are weak.

And we're strong.

Have you lost your mind?

Do you really put yourself above the nine lords?

Santanico.

[Clicks tongue]

I thought you'd tasted enough of their anger by now to know better.

But no.

[Chuckles] Not you. Tu eres necia.

Why can't you accept your lot?

All you and your people have to do is feed us.

That's all this temple was built for.

The lords are weak, Narciso.

They are greedy and vain, and no matter how much you look down on us, we are all still Culebras in this room.

There's a difference between being a sl*ve in your body and being a sl*ve in your soul.

We have suffered too long now.

But it ends tonight.

So, you have a choice, señores.

You join us...

And live free.

Or... you die being slaves to the nine.

So, what is it gonna be?

[Hisses]

[Chuckles]

Didn't think so.

[Speaks Spanish]

[Choking]

Now the real show begins.

[Screaming]

[Door opens]

[Growling]

[Hisses]

Six against two. I like those odds.

They just got biblically worse.

Wait a second.

I know that lugnut and his biker chick.

They weren't Culebras before.

Scott: Neither was that perv, either.

Yeah, well, they are now.

[Hissing, snarling]

Jacob: Scott, listen to me.

Don't let your anger get the best of you.

There's a fine line between self-defense and depraved v*olence.

Dad, I got this.

There are better ways to channel your grief.

Who says I'm channeling grief?

Right. It's time to ring the dinner bell.

Culebras, come out to play!

[g*nshots]

They're still coming!

Keep sh**ting!

Ugh, I sh*t my load.

I'm out.

[Growling]

Everybody down.

[Beeping]

This better work.

It'll work.

[Dialing]

[Cellphone rings]

[Groans]

Kate: Scott!

[Hisses]

Ah, sh*t.

Scott!

[Hissing]

[Snarling]

Scott!

[Hisses]

Seth.

Plan B.

Seth: Hey!

[Screams]

Now, that's one for the books.

[Engine revving]

Are you okay?

[Breathing heavily]

I don't know.

We have to find Scott.

We will, honey. We will.

You can't leave, Richard.

Not yet.

Morning, baby.

Morning.

[Sighs]

I had the craziest nightmare.

I dreamt that Earl got sh*t...

And I went to Mexico to find these dudes.

There was these things.

Oh. What kind of things?

Never mind.

It was just a dream.

Okay. Just a dream.

Today's her big day.

Oh.

Father Quintana is gonna splash your face with water.

He's gonna make you street legal.

Oh, by the way. Earl called.

He said he'd see you at the Place of Dead Roads.

What?

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, babe.

[Screams]

Aah!

[Grunting]

You belong here.

Somewhere inside, close to the bone.

You know it, too.

No, you don't know me.

That's not true.

I know you better than your brother does.

You tell me, brother. Does she?

I'm in your soul, Richard.

But I don't blame you for being suspicious.

I asked you to trust me.

I didn't tell you what was coming.

I wanted to show you who I was on my own terms.

The world is much more complicated than you know.

Richie, look at me.

Don't listen to this.

Don't listen to this.

What do you think you're doing, sl*ve?

Becoming the master.

[Groans]

I taught you how to see, but that was only the beginning.

Don't listen to this.

I don't want to hurt you.

I need you.

And you need me, too.

You have to let these people go.

Richard. Stop.

Something's coming, remember?

Then let them go.

[Gasps]

[Groans]

[Snarls]

Richie!

Richie!