05x16 - Eve’s Band

[bunniefuu]

Vanessa.

Yeah?

Why is my '67 Impala out in the driveway?

Oh, I'm sorry, was it not designed to ever be outside?

It's a classic car. It needs to be pampered.

You're lucky I don't park it on your side of the bed.

It's fine, Mike.

Eve and Cammy just wanted to be in the garage.

Well, so did the Impala.

Why did they need in my garage?

They kind of... started a band.

Oh, God, no. No.

No, no, no, no.

No, listen, don't... don't ...don't judge too quickly.

I think that was the perfect speed.

Wait, wait, wait. No, Mike.

Oh, hey, Mr. Baxter!

Oh, this is Nigel. Nigel, say hi to Mr. Baxter.

What's good, Mr. Baxter?

Not this.

Dad, don't freak out. This isn't a big deal.

Well, that's true. It's a huge deal!

We are awesome!

And, uh, guess what our band's called.

No.

(Amplified) The Cammy Harris experience.

You... you... you really can't do that to Jimi Hendrix.

We're gonna make T-shirts!

It's like I'm not actually here. I know.

I'm actually done listening to this.

Dad, come on. You haven't even heard us.

Mom, are we terrible?

I love... all my children.

Let us play one song for you guys.

Okay. You can play one song if you answer one question.

Who moved the Impala?

You're so funny!

Oh, oh, let's do the Train song.

Ah, you know what?

I think the salad might be... burning.

No, no, no.

You let them in here, we're both gonna listen to this.

Um, Eve wrote this, but I made it a little more hip and street.

One, two, three, four!

(Intro plays off-key)

(Off key) ♪ I'm gonna go insane ♪
♪ If I don't take the train ♪
♪

♪ Chugga-chugga-chugga is the sound of the train ♪
♪

♪ Something something something about the rain ♪
♪ Oh yeah! ♪
♪

You know, I think they've done the impossible.

I'd rather listen to Hillary.

♪

(Rock music plays in distance)

(Sighs)

It has been five days, Mike.

What are we gonna do?

(Music stops)

They stopped.

Maybe they finally heard themselves.

(Music resumes)

Ohh. Nope.

Nope. They just started a different song.

How could you tell?

You know, this is your fault.

When Eve wanted to explore her options instead of going to college, you said it was a great idea.

Well, congratulations, Mike. You've created a musician.

What I should have created was a sound-proof garage.

Hey, Larabee.

Hey, Baxter!

I thought I'd come by to see how you were enjoying the Cammy Harris Experience. (Groans)

How did you know they were playing?

Oh. You live on the surface of the planet.

(Laughs)

Chuck, Cammy lives with you and Carol now, so why is the Cammy Harris Experience over here when Cammy Harris lives over there?

They were in our garage for a month.

And there used to be two drummers.

Well, I-I-I can't take it anymore.

I'm just gonna tell them they have to stop.

No, no, no, no.

You can't tell...

You can't tell... it's not gonna work!

Well, why not? Why?

Teenage musicians thrive on parental disapproval.

Oh. Yeah. It's like vitamins to them.

It just makes them stronger.

I hated the trombone when I was a kid, but my Dad always told me how bad I was, so I played it... for nine horrible years.

So... so, they won't stop even if we tell them how terrible they are?

No.

But they might stop... if we tell them how good they are.

It's time for them to share the gift.

What?

I got an idea, I got...

Oh, hey, guys, guys. Wow.

This is hard to say, but you guys are getting pretty good out there!

You think so? 'Cause I think so, but I'm in the band so I don't get to vote.

Like how you're not supposed to vote yourself Most Popular in the yearbook?

But I did. And Best Hair. 0 for 2.

Okay. Listen, I think it's time that you guys played for more people, like a lot of people, like, a...

A gig!

Really?

Really?

Yeah. It's not fair that we're the only ones that get to hear... that sound you make.

Well, what if we just, like, post a video or something?

Yeah, even better. No, no, no, no, no.

They should play in front of people to get instant feedback from other individuals.

Oh, now I get what we're doing.

Right, right. Yes, yes, yeah.

Ed helped a guy put together a music club that has an open-mic night, so you can get together and have...

A gig!

There you go!

Yes! Yes!

Mike: Yeah. It's happening!

Our moment!

The whole world is about to have The Cammy Harris Experience!

Look out, world!

Um [stammers] can't we take this a slower?

Like start by playing in front of dogs, then work up to monkeys, then people?

Well, come on, we don't want to just rehearse the whole time.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you don't want to suck the life out of the music.

No! No! You want to blow somebody's mind?

I say you just stop rehearsing altogether.

♪

Hey.

Someone cleaned up nice for date night.

Ugh. I really need a night out after home schooling Boyd all week.

I mean, I love that kid, but man, he is really into dinosaurs.

(Knock on door)

Hi!

Hey.

Ah! Mwah!

Thank you so much for watching Boyd tonight.

Sure. Um, but, we don't really have to watch him, right?

Isn't he like 12?

Yeah, he's 9.

Aren't you, like, his aunt?

Aunt Mandy.

Mm-hmm?

Can we go to the candy store later?

Oh. Can we?

Can we?

Uh, that's not a good idea.

Why?

Did he put a whole roll of bubble tape in his mouth?

'Cause I did that once.

Now every time I yawn, my jaw clicks.

Totally worth it.

Uh, no, we actually think he stole the candy, but he claims a friend gave it to him.

Yeah. It sucks when you're sure your kid did something wrong but he just won't admit it.

But it's a brilliant strategy when you're the kid.

He could be gifted.

He still might come clean.

Hopefully the guilt will just eat him alive inside.

Well, we're going dancing.

Yep.

Okay.

Bye, Boyd!

Bye! We'll be back in a little bit, okay?

We love you.

Oh, and while we're gone, if you want to know what your parents think about stealing, it is very, very wrong.

Bye!

Bye.

All right.

Bye.

Have fun.

(Door closes)

Where'd you get that?

A friend.

Boyd might be a thief... but he's got some pretty nice friends.

♪

All right, guys. You're up next.

You got to get ready.

You know what?

I know, you were born ready.

Well, get ready anyway.

Just remember to stick to what we rehearsed.

Or, or, you know, just go for it.

Yeah.

I like that.

Yeah, let's go for it!

And thanks again, Mr. Baxter, for setting this up.

Your faith in us means more than anything.

Okay.

Except fame. And money.

I have to ask a question.

First I got to ask a question.

Who moved the Impala? All right, wait. No.

I don't want Eve to go through this.

Are we... are we cruel, terrible people?

Or are we just being good parents?

I mean, this is something Eve's got to go through for her own good.

You know, and for our good.

Mostly for our good.

Mike, Vanessa, welcome, welcome.

Hey, Ed.

This is gonna be a great night.

Yeah? A great evening.

And remember, your money is no good here.

That's very generous of you, Ed.

He's not being generous.

Look at the sign... credit cards only?

This clientele only knows how to pay for something by bumping their phones together.

(Chuckles) I hate youth.

All right, hey!

Our next act, please welcome The Ugly Mutts!

Maybe these guys will be awful and it will take some of the heat off the kids.

One, two, three, four.

♪ I ♪
♪ Don't know if I ♪

(Crowd members hooting)

♪ Could ever see the night the way you do ♪

Or not.

♪ But I ♪
♪ Will always try ♪

Okay, goodbye.

You're up next.

Uh, no, we're not. I'm retiring.

Problem solved. Okay, what about Eve?

She said we made a commitment, so she's going on alone.

What?! Ohh...

Why did we have to teach her to be so brave?

Hold on, hold on. I'm... I'm gonna fake a heart att*ck.

Act concerned.

♪ ...see the sky ♪

(Cheers and applause)

We... we can't let her go up there alone.

Well, what are you gonna do?

She was only supposed to get a third of the humiliation, and now with her two friends gone, she's gonna get it all.

That's three thirds, Mike.

Okay.

100%.

But as usual, math is not going to help us.

Hey, they blew the roof off this joint, didn't they?

I'd sure hate to follow them.

Eve Baxter.

(Light applause)

Oh, she looks so little.

Well, that's good, because it makes her a smaller target when they start throwing cappuccinos at her.

Hi.

I'm Eve Baxter.

Uh, this is a song I wrote.

(Guitar plays softly)

♪ I want to latch right onto you ♪
♪ I'm trying, but you don't want me to ♪
♪ The sky was pink ♪
♪ When I thought of you ♪
♪ But the road's a little foggy ♪
♪ Without youuu ♪
♪ Oh, baby, baby blue ♪
♪ Ooh, why can't it just be ♪
♪ Me and you? ♪

What is happening? Is that our Eve?

You mean my Eve? You can have the other two.

♪ Oh, baby, baby blue ♪
♪ Ooh, why can't it just be me ♪
♪ And you? ♪

Thanks again for watching Boyd.

Oh, it was great.

We watched videos and built models and pretended to be dinosaurs, and then we had a yelling contest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shh, shh.

She gets it. You had fun.

I had wine.

I totally understand Mom now.

Thanks, guys.

(Chuckling) Bye.

Buddy, you should be in bed.

I want to tell you something I did wrong.

But I'm scared you'll be mad.

Boyd, sweetie, you... you can tell us anything.

Absolutely.

I lied. I did take the candy.

Yes!

Right on, Boyd!

That's not really a high-five moment.

Boyd, sweetie, what you did was really wrong.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I'll take it back.

Most of it.

I ate some.

And you will pay for that out of your allowance.

Okay.

Can I celebrate now?

Because this is awesome.

We are so happy that you told the truth.

Yes, we are.

Well, I learned a lot from Uncle Kyle's story about his friend.

Well, w-what friend is that?

Jesus.

Oh, God.

♪

Boy, tonight was amazing. (Chuckles)

I had no idea our daughter was so talented.

I think it comes from my side of the family, babe.

You know, Dad could touch his tongue to his nose.

(Doorbell rings)

Hey, Chuck.

Hey, Baxters. Come on in.

How'd it go?

Bad?

Real bad?

Well, good news for you...

Cammy quit the music business before the gig.

Ohh.

I am so happy.

Now I can get rid of those bees I put in my garage.

Is Eve okay?

Yeah, she seemed pretty happy during her standing ovation.

She went on alone?

Uh-huh.

The audience loved her.

Turns out Eve has talents that don't involve sh**ting a ball or puck or, uh, animals.

But it's still cool.

Hi! There's our star!

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Thanks, but it's really not a big deal.

Oh, she's just being modest.

She's gonna be huge.

You know, it's weird.

I thought if anyone was gonna have a solo career, it'd be Nigel.

Well, the music business is a fickle mistress.

Hmm.

Fickle Mistress would be a cool band name!

No. No, it wouldn't.

Hey, Cammy, I thought you left the club.

Yeah, I was outside, but then I heard a breathy voice say "Go back inside, Cammy."

It was Nigel. He forgot his inhaler.

But I did go back inside, and Eve had everyone in a trance.

She's exaggerating.

No. No.

You're a rocket.

I was gravity. I see that now.

Okay. Congratulations, Eve.

Come on, Gravity. Let's get home.

Gravity... that would also be a cool band name!

No. No, it wouldn't.

See you guys.

Bye, Cammy.

Bye, Cammy.

Bye.

(Laughs)

All right, I'm gonna go to bed.

No!

You're not very pumped up from going onstage for the first time and crushing it.

When's... when is the next gig?

Uh, there's not gonna be another gig.

I talked to Clark, and he doesn't want me back.

What? Why not?

He said that I don't have any real talent.

Oh.

I may not be a music critic, but I like to criticize other people.

He's an idiot!

I mean, he's a professional, Dad.

I think he knows what he's talking about.

I-I tried it, and it didn't work out.

So I'm moving on.

Oh, that doesn't make any sense.

No. Why would he say that?

I don't know.

I'm gonna go down there and ask him.

Mike, just don't do anything crazy, okay?

I'm not gonna do anything crazy.

I'm just gonna see where the guy's head's at.

I think I know where his head's at.

Maybe I can pull it out of there.

(Laughter)

Hey, Ed.

Hey, Clark. Yeah?

Look, I hate to interrupt, guys.

I see you've got some shattered dreams to clean up.

Hey, I know you. You're Eve's dad.

Yeah. What do you want?

Well, I want my daughter to be happy, and I wish she wasn't taking advice from some loser who doesn't seem to know anything about music.

Ooh. Easy, Mike. Clark's an old friend.

And as far as I can tell, you're the one that doesn't know anything about music.

Easy, Clark. Mike's good people.

I know enough about music to tell you that she k*lled up on that stage tonight.

Yeah, so do I. That's why I asked her back.

All right, Easy, Clark, now, you're completely out of line.

He... he just agreed with me.

I realized that mid-sentence, but the train had left the station.

See, now I'm all wound up.

A little more caffeine will help.

Eve told me you didn't want her performing anymore.

She told me that you didn't want her back here.

That's... that's weird.

Man, I hope she's not giving up on this.

She has amazing talent.

Yeah, a talent for lying to her dad.

Look, I'm real sorry I came in and said all this stuff.

I apologize.

Ed, you know what, I'll see you tomorrow at work.

I'm gonna jog over there right now and unload a truck.

♪

(Knock on door)

Hey. Hey.

Ryan, what's going on? You sounded upset on the phone.

Uh, yeah, actually I am.

Boyd finally confessed to us that he stole the candy.

No.

And he told us it was because you told him about Jesus.

No!

You have no idea why I'm upset, do you?

No.

Look, I want Boyd to tell the truth because it's the right thing to do, and not because he thinks he's gonna be punished by an angry God.

I never said that.

Boyd was scared that if he told you what he did, you wouldn't love him anymore.

So I said you were like my friend Jesus, and even if I do something bad, as long as I'm honest, he still loves me.

Oh.

Well, uh, Mandy drank all of our wine.

Yeah, sorry about that.

Hey, and sorry I said you were like Jesus, even though you do have a beard and you wear sandals a lot.

It's cool. I have been called worse.

And, look, I would never try and push my religion on your kid.

I respect you way too much for that.

Thank you, Kyle. I appreciate it.

You know, Ryan, maybe it would help if I told you about my friend.

(Chuckles)

Uh, this might surprise you, but I know quite a little bit about Jesus.

Oh, no, my friend Tom. He's got a kid that steals, too.

♪

Hey.

Dad, I thought you were in bed.

No, I went down to the club.

I punched that guy Clark right in the face.

Oh, God, really?

Bang, zow, there was blood everywhere.

If the cops stop by... tell them I was with you all night, all right?

Eve, I talked to him.

What's going on? He said you were great.

Just because I'm good at it doesn't mean I enjoy it, Dad.

Like Eastwood, who was always haunted by all the guys he'd k*lled, but he can't stop k*lling because no one can do what he does.

Which Eastwood movie is that?

All of them.

Except that piece of crap about the bridges.

You said you wrote that song, you performed it, and people loved it.

That had to mean something to you.

Okay, yeah, you're right.

When I was up on stage, it was... I don't know.

I've never had a feeling like that before.

Well, you're looking for other stuff that might be important to you.

I think you have a lead on something there.

Well, why did I lie?

Because you were scared?

I mean, the things we love the most and matter the most, it's kind of scary.

Why do I have a feeling you're not gonna let me bail on this?

Listen, it's your life.

But I think we should be grateful if we find something we're passionate about.

But what if I fail?

Honey, you are most certainly going to fail.

You think a 9% chance of getting into West Point was tough?

Musicians would k*ll for those kinds of odds.

You're saying I should go for it anyway?

Life is short, kid. It really is.

I don't think you should run from stuff that challenges you.

If it scares you, I think you run right towards it.

I'm pretty scared of music, so I'm gonna run right towards it.

Now, you know this advice does not apply to bears?

Yeah.

Just checking.

Yeah.

And you know, kid, your mom and I support you on this.

Yeah, I know.

Right.

Who moved the Impala?

Eve.

Who moved the Impala?!

Mr. Baxter?

Yeah, did you find it?

Yep!

It was in Mr. Larabee's attic next to an old marching-band uniform.

Yeah, he never mentioned that.

Listen, what did Nigel say?

Oh, he's totally into it.

You really think it will be a good idea for a band, just drums and a trombone?

Yeah, the world's waiting for that.

And... And you'll help us find a gig?

Yes, I said I would.

You guys practice a lot in Larabee's garage, and I'll help you out.

Oh, we will.

I got to tell Eve about my new band!

Look out, world!

Whoo!

Did Cammy come in here with my old trombone?

Why, yes, she did.

Good thing you got all those bees out of your garage, because she and Nigel will need a nice place to practice their new band.

Why are you doing this to me, Baxter?

Because I found out it was you that moved the Impala!

Damn!