01x06 - Holy Water

Caleb, wait.


I'm pregnant.

Hey, you must be Jayden.

Yeah, hi.

I don't want you in your room with him when I'm not home.

We weren't doing anything.


I've been texting you.

I know.

I need you to stop.

You called the office.

I thought you were in clinic.

I'm on my way to the hospital right now. I need this exact phone, please.

OK, sure.

Please don't have the baby. Please.

Tom died.

Who knows about this?


[Mr. Chisholm passed away.]


[Two months ago.]

Luke, this is my uncle, Oliver.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, you too.

What are you even about, except yourself?

But I like it. Being with you.

More than I thought I would.

Do you mind if I ask why?

OK, what about your mother? What would you change about her?

I'd get her to start telling me the truth.

You still haven't told them.

Emma: I'm using it!

No! Oh, my God.

I was getting it.


Well, too bad. I beat you to it.

(indistinct arguing)

(high-pitched ringing)

There's something you need to know.


There's something I have to tell you.

So you want me to stay?

No. I know I'm going to do it.

The Oratory.

Holy water?

Natalie, just... just indulge me.

(high-pitched ringing)

What's your problem?

Like you don't know.

Give it back.


Give me. I had it first.

Get off! I'm using it.

Give it back!

No. I don't care!

I'm using it. Give it to me!


Oh, my God. I was gonna get it.


Would you two cut it out?!

No! I'm using it! Stop!

Just give it!

There's something I have...

I don't care.

So go wherever you want, just not here.

Stop kicking me.

Romy, just stop.

Shut up. It's mine!

(high-pitched ringing and arguing)

My cancer's back.

(theme music)

(birds chirping)

(bed squeaking)

You good on your end?

Yeah. Just lean it up here.

I can't believe you're going to take that horrible old thing to your sister's.

I can't sleep on her couch anymore.

I wish you'd change your mind about staying here.

How about some tea before you go?

Thanks. Anything with caffeine.

Why don't you tell us about those private commissions that you were talking about?

Uh, not much to say.

People come to me with requests and I paint them.

Sounds interesting.

Pay well?

Dad, about that money that you gave me...

What money?

I was gonna say thanks.

You're welcome.

When did you give him money?

Is there a reason that you thought that I needed it?


All we have is Orange Pekoe.

(tea pouring)

But you'll have surgery, like you did last time?

Well, it's worse this time.

Which means it's spread.



A few places.

More than a few.

Did it spread through to your lymphatic system?

'Cause that's not good.

Well, nobody knows how it spread as quickly as it did.

But you'll have chemo, right?

Actually, no.

Chemo's not an option for me.

So if chemo's not an option, and surgery's not an option... then what are your options?

Well, I have a very good doctor.

She's the same one as last time. Dr. Basra, remember her?

And she's got me on a plan and she's doing everything she can to slow it down.

Slow it down...

What does that mean?

That they can't stop it.

Is that true?


When did you learn about this?

What's the difference? She's telling you now.

Emma, honey.

It's OK.

In what universe is this OK?

Remember Wayne Becker?

That was the internist I introduced you to at that charity thing last month.

You know I never remember anyone I meet at those things.

Well, he runs a program at the teaching hospital at the University of Ottawa and he, uh... wants me to do some lecturing for him.

Yeah, like you're not busy enough already.

No, I know. It's just...

I trained there. He felt I should give something back.

Won't it interfere with your practice?

Well, no. Courses are in the evening. Be home by 10.

You'll miss Abby's bedtime.

Which is why I'll make sure it's only a few times a month.

Anyway, I'm seeing Wayne... (cell ringing) tomorrow. I'll get the details, OK?

In Ottawa?

Yeah. Yep?

What did you tell Mom and Dad?

What are... what are you talking about?

Tom. I think they know.

Well, I didn't say a word. Where are you?

I'm in my old room. Hiding.

Oliver, you have to say something to them, OK?

You have to deal with this right now.

I can't.

[Yes, you can. I'll call you later.]

Honey, I'll get the details and we'll just discuss it, OK?


If you don't want me to, I won't.

(door closing)

♪ I was holding my breath when the tightrope walker ♪
♪ Slipped into the moon glow ♪
♪ Saying all my children follow me, maybe it's time to go ♪
♪ You can be chrome when you're wise ♪
♪ Can be wise when you're blue And baby if I have ♪
♪ Then I have for you ♪
♪ Bribing the jury to keep me in jail ♪
♪ Singing Tea for the Tillerman ♪
♪ And although I lie fantastically ♪
♪ I swore an oath on my history ♪
♪ It's a miracle I can see You can be wrong ♪
♪ When you're right, even when you're right on cue ♪
♪ And if I die tonight, then I die for you ♪
♪ Calling on those that call me son ♪

Ariel: Caleb, I haven't heard from you in two days. It's not fair.

You're leaving me with this alone.

♪ Even the darkness has arms ♪
♪ But they ain't got you Baby, I have it ♪
♪ And I have you too ♪
♪ And a light in the window to pass the night through ♪
♪ May be so uncertain but what can I do? ♪
♪ Keeping it on, keeping it on ♪
♪ And I know I like it, but what does that prove? ♪

It's just I think it's more than s*x with you two.

Because of the one night I stayed here?

Do I get to sleep over too?

You know what?

This is preposterous, alright?

You guys are a couple. I'm leaving.

Maggie, wait! What's wrong?

I gotta get my sh1t together.

What are you doing?


She's got good doctors.

They knew what they were doing last time.

I don't think you were listening to what Mom said.

sh1t. We have a test tomorrow.

On one unit.

Easy for you to say, you probably know all the answers without even studying.

You could read the chapter. It's only 30 pages.

Maybe if we tell Mr. Pierce he'll let us take it later?

Why would we tell him?

Or anyone?

Then let me sit near you.

♪ Even the darkness has arms ♪
♪ But they ain't got you Baby I have it ♪
♪ And I have you too ♪

Maggie, it's not a handout.

The position has to be filled. My receptionist needs the help.

Well, actually, I'm covered.

[How long will your savings last?]

No, I got a new gig.

At another big firm?

No, actually. It's a smaller shop, you know?

Less corporate. More my speed.

Good. That's good.

I appreciate you looking out for me, though.

Just trying to be useful. You know, I'm glad you landed again.

(small cry)

[Yeah, let's be honest here.]

You would have fired me after the first day. We both know it.

[Yeah, that's probably true.]

I'll talk to you later.

I need you guys to step up with Mom.

What's that supposed to mean?

When she was sick last time, you were younger, so...

I barely remember any of it.

And it was only two years ago.

That's what I'm saying.

You need to be more present.

Are you listening to me?

Danielle: I'll open a bakery. On Monkland, where the Lebanese place closed.

So what do you know about running a bakery?

Are you kidding me?

I've been cooking and baking and waiting on people my whole life. I've been picking up their crumbs...

Um, wasn't that your nanny?

Yes. But it was under my strict guidance.

You know, the thing is, is that I was good at it.

And maybe that's what this has all been leading to.

Maybe this will be the perfect and beautiful solution to all my problems. Hmm...

Do you have the money for this?

Jim wants to settle, so apparently I do.



I thought for sure it'd be a fight to the death in the courts.

Me too.

But he gave in on everything.

So we're celebrating.

(cars honking)

Since when do you miss deadlines?

Well, I don't plan on making a habit out of it.

How far did you get?

I could still give you a few extra hours. Thank you.



I'm sick again.

It's worse this time.

I'm keeping myself open to options, but this one is beyond the usual treatments.

(Greg sighs.)

I'm so sorry, Natalie.


You know, from last time, the union disability isn't half bad.

Except right now, I feel fine.

And I'm not ready to stop working.

Then tell me what I can do.

Nothing... other than running something else for me today.

And just for today.

No problem.

(phone buzzing)

You should get that.



This is ridiculous.


What the F?

Um... Maybe you confused our system?

Nobody gets zero on a multiple choice test. It's statistically impossible.

What the hell did you do?

I changed my mind.

And intentionally screwed me?

Well, it was wrong of you to ask me to do this.

You're such a little bitch.

Yeah. 'Cause pushing me really proves your intelligence.

Maybe you should ask that shrink of yours how to act like a normal human.

I hate you.


(groaning and grunting)

Ow! I hate you!

Get off!


Get off of me!

Honey... sh1t.

Why didn't you tell us Tom died?

You know, it was really hard on me.

We would have come down.

With Tom's family there? I don't think I would have been able to handle that.

You guys were together for like, almost a decade.

I mean, you were practically married.

Ah, we were fighting a lot.

It wasn't always great.

Which makes you like 99% of every other couple in the history of couples.

If Mom knows about Tom, you can't hide from it, OK? Talk to them.

Will you tell them about working here?

No. Way, way different.

'Cause this is temporary.

Maybe it's not.

I mean, I don't have a whole lot else going on right now.

"Honey, sh1t."

I know I am low on the deserving-of-pity list, OK?

But... (sigh)

This is where I am right now.

Something to drink?


(door closing)

We've agreed they'll retake the tests.

Tomorrow, after school.

Thank you.

I had it all planned out, how I was going to tell them...


Well, things never happen the way you think they will, do they?


I handled things very badly between us.

It's OK.

I'm sorry.


I think I really needed somebody to know me, before all I'll be to anyone...

I wish things were different, you know?

Me too.

Maybe if I was alone...

My daughter, it took her years to get over our divorce.

I know, I know.

It was never gonna work.

We're going to do everything we can here at school to take care of Emma and Romy.

Thank you.


I'm so sorry about what's happening to you, Natalie.

(whispering): It's OK.

I'm going to go and let them off the hook now.



You're fired. And don't tell me you need the money.

In fact, I will pay you to get out there and live your life.

My girlfriend's pregnant.

She wants to keep it?

She's worried it could be her only chance.

(scoffing): She's a child herself.

All she has is time.

I know, but she doesn't see it that way.


I'm sorry.

That's all the diplomacy I have in me. Your girlfriend is a fool if she thinks keeping this baby is even vaguely a good idea.

I can't force her to change her mind.

And it's her body.


Well, you do have options.

Like what?

Abandon her with my child?

Become my father?

Do you love her?

Because staying with a woman you don't love to raise a baby you don't want is only going to cause everyone pain in the long run.

You think I don't?

Doesn't matter what I think.

This is not gonna work.

I'm talking to the both of you.

And what happened today was completely unacceptable.

We are all upset.

I... I understand that.

And that's OK.

But we absolutely cannot take this out on each other.

Do you understand? We have to pull together here.


Where did your cancer spread, exactly?

Which organs?

No organs, but it has metastasized to my bones.

Does it hurt?


It's OK.

Right now, I feel nothing.

But eventually, the pain will be excruciating.

Or reach an organ and cause it to fail?

Or when I googled it, something called "wasting syndrome" came up.

See? She's trying to upset me.

I just wanna know what's going to happen.

Well, like I said last night, I have a very good doctor.

And she has me on medication. It's a pill that I take, once a day, and it will slow down the progression of the cancer.

Until... it doesn't work anymore.

And then you get sick.

And die.

♪ Say you'll get through ♪
♪ The flight ♪
♪ Say you'll get to ♪
♪ The light ♪




Julian, look who's here.

Hi, Uncle Matthew.

Hello. You're big!

(adults chuckling)

Thanks for meeting me.

No problem.

So he's well?

He's great, he's great.

And you? Yeah, good, yeah.

It's been a long time, hasn't it?

I just wanted to let you know how serious I am about finding a better way to have my son in my life.

♪ To the light ♪

I'll pick up dinner.

Do your homework!

(high-pitched ringing)

If I told you, you'd laugh.

Shrinks getting drunk at happy hour, trading patients' secrets?

It's my acapella group.

We sing once a month at different bars in the village and... today we get drunk and argue about which songs to learn next.


I'm not laughing. I'm not.

Maybe you'll catch one of our shows.


Um, it was nice running into you.

Yeah, you too.

One more for courage.

(soft bar music)

So you'd really come every two weeks?

Yeah, I can pick him up at school. You can have the nights.

You can go see some friends, you can... go on a date.


I can put him to bed.

I know you worry about him, but you've been decent, here. I'm not asking you to do more.

I know, I know.

OK, where are you? Julian?!

Where are you? I...

(Julian giggles.)

Kid's totally disappeared. He's gone.


Look, it just doesn't feel right to have so little to do with him. Besides phoning every now and then, or writing the odd cheque.

OK, but why now?

You've tried to protect everyone from the truth for so long.

I want to be there for my son.

I'm trying to do the right thing, here.

I know. I just need some time to think about it.

OK, OK, thank you. Hey, hey!

That's all. Just...


(evil laugh)

(growling and laughing)

OK, so it's all about placement when it comes to not drawing attention.

You want to pick a spot that's not right out in the open.

Close enough that you could seem like part of someone's family.

What's this?

It's vodka soda.

My dad won't notice.

I know we both got ourselves into this. I'll do what's right.

And let me raise our baby alone?

No, we'll work out... child support, daycare...

So you'll help out, like a weekend dad.

I've been trying to make you see.

I'm not ready for... a family.

I'll get the abortion.

I can go tomorrow.

I know you're upset.

I understand you not being ready to be a father, but why is it so easy for you to give me up?

'Cause if I kept the baby, it sounded like we were breaking up.

You don't love me.

I do.

You're a coward, because you won't admit that you don't.

I'll take you tomorrow.

Don't bother.

It's constant, this ringing?

It comes and goes.



General aches and pains elsewhere in your body?


I guess I was just, um... wondering if it's related.

I think it's tinnitus, which can be aggravated by stress.

And you're stressed because of the cancer.



I'll prescribe something for anxiety.

If it doesn't stop, come back and we'll do a scan.

I'm sorry to be taking up your time.

Natalie, what are you doing to manage the psychological effects of what you're going through?

Um... well, I guess I'm still trying to figure that out.

Yeah. Look, I've known your brother since med school.

I know how close your family is.

Yeah, we are.

I'm sure they want to be there for you.

I would say they are more than eager to try to help me out.

You can also see the social worker here.

No, really.

Look, I'm fine. I'm sorry. I was just, um...

I was just worried about the ringing.

I promise I won't stalk you again, Norah.

Let me write you the script. You can fill it here and then hopefully the ringing doesn't come back.

OK, thanks.


(boxing bell)

(low voice): Fight.

(fight sound effects)

(Emma screaming)

Romy wins.

Emma: Ah, no!

(elevator ding)

PA: Michael Crawford, call 840. Michael Crawford, please call 840.

(indistinct TV reporter)

We're incoming.


Tom's dead. But I guess somehow you guys already know that.

(television mutes)

We're so sorry.

How did he die?

He had an aneurysm.

That must have been very hard on you.

Look, I know you guys are upset because I didn't tell you before.

We're not upset, we were just worried.

You don't have to be.

You tell us what we get to feel.

You tell us what emotions we're allowed to have about the way you live your life.

The way I live my life?

OK, your father didn't mean it to sound like that.

When I was a teenager and my friends would sleep over, you made us stay in separate rooms.

You're still holding a grudge about that after 20 years?

Nothing about you came easily to us.

We made mistakes.

But all we've ever done is try to help you.

That's the thing, Mom. You see me as breakable, which makes me feel broken. I wish you would stop looking at me like that.

Well, I've tried. You just won't let me.

You want to help someone? Help Natalie.

She won't let me help her either.

You know... it would be easier if you just cut us out completely.

Your mother would never say that, but I have to.

'Cause these shadows of you are all we get.

And that's harder than not knowing you at all.

Um, so the thing with my husband...

I did try speaking with him.

He says that it's not that he doesn't find me attractive anymore.

(scoffing): You know, I mean, who wouldn't, with my flowing locks and my godawful complexion?

But I think he's afraid that he might hurt me.

I mean, I just...

I need that release.

You know? That physical connection.

That's all I felt like saying.

About a week after my diagnosis, I was sitting on the beach with my partner.

We were trying to enjoy this trip we'd planned, but we were just bummed out.

So she's a few margaritas deep when she turns to me and says, "I'm not sure I can do this."

(laughing): You know? Who says that?

I was like, you don't have to do it.

I have to do it.

I was mad for most of the trip, until I saw it from her side.

You know, just because I'm sick doesn't mean that I have a monopoly on pain.

No matter how hard they try to be there for you, it'll always be you finding a way to tell them that it's gonna be OK.


Ah, OK. Ah!

(screaming and laughing)


Uh-oh, uh-oh, there's your mom.

There's your mom.

Your pasta's ready.

Go wash up. OK!


I'm thinking of ordering in for us.

Yeah. Just let me know what you want, I'll call.


Tell me I'm crazy, but I...

I feel like something's been going on.

What do you mean?

Matthew, please.

I should have told you. Um...

Oliver called the other night and it turns out that Tom has died.

Oh, my God.

It was an aneurysm, it was very sudden.

I promised I wouldn't say anything, but you know, he's a mess.

(sighing): Poor Oliver.


Look, I...

I love that you know me so well that you could tell that something was bothering me.

You know you can tell me anything, right?

I'm so lucky that you're part of my life.

(whispering): Me too.

Maybe sushi?


(tinny music)

(giggling and sighing)


I think you're good.

Don't tell me what to do, you.


I just remembered I'm grounded.

You are? Since when?

You gotta get me home.

She'll be upset.

Not that it really matters now.

It's funny, isn't it?


(continuous laughing)

woman: So anybody else feel like sharing?

(throat clearing)

Last night I told my kids that I was dying.

And now I don't know who else to talk to.

(small laugh)

It seems stupid, because... everybody in my life is trying so hard to be there for me.

But as I watch my kids try to process the idea that they're gonna lose their mom, I feel disconnected from them.

For the first time in my life.

It's like I've just gone and dug an ocean between us.

I'm surrounded by people that love me and want to help me... but I feel... completely alone.

You're supposed to take off my shoes.

Your mom's not home right now, is she?

Watch out for my sister.

She packs a punch when she's mad.

Did you do that to her?

She'll be fine in a couple hours.

I better go.

(indistinct chatter)



Well, that was not as depressing as I thought it would be.

Yeah. Who'd think a bunch of hairless bitches standing around, complaining about dying, could actually be uplifting?


Listen, that feeling of being completely powerless you were talking about...

There's a freedom in that, if you can find it.

Simon: Look, we know what was happening before wasn't ideal.

We had fun, things got complicated.

No hard feelings. Well, look.

Maggie, relationships take work.

Right, but... you're a relationship.

We... are not.

Which is why we're asking you to make an effort with us.

Make an effort?

To see it through, this thing we all started.

Yeah. You can be with Sarah, with me, or both of us. And vice versa.


But not with anybody else.

So you're not getting married?

You're OK with this?

It scares me a little, but yeah.

You never get anything real in life without effort, risk and maybe a little bit of pain.

And look, we know you don't do the relationship thing, but you gotta admit: this isn't the world's most boring proposition.

What do you have to lose?

Is Jayden here?


Does Mom know?




I'm sorry.

For what? Puking?

I don't know. Everything.


Ariel's getting the abortion.


I think we broke up.

Oh! What are you doing?

I don't know. I'm sorry.

No, no, it's OK. It's just it's not cool and don't do that again.


♪ You make it all wrong ♪
♪ You make it alright ♪
♪ The minute you're gone The minute you're back ♪
♪ You make it all wrong ♪
♪ You make it alright ♪
♪ The minute you're gone The minute you're back ♪

Got dinner!



Ha! You hate ginger ale.

It's for Emma. She's not feeling too well.

Oh. She was fine earlier.

Yeah, I think she ate something weird.

But don't worry, I got it covered.


Just my way of giving you something else to worry about.

(soft laugh) (throat clearing)

We're all in one piece.

Well, mostly.

So do you need anything?

[No, we're good.]

I'll talk to you tomorrow?

[OK, honey.]

(beep) (sigh)

♪ Choosing the wrongs ♪
♪ Forever certain ♪
♪ Calming the phone ♪
♪ Strumming the curtains ♪
♪ And you choose ♪
♪ To see ♪
♪ Life is crazy as it's meant to be ♪
♪ And you choose to feel ♪
♪ Feelings, horrors and improperties ♪
♪ Judging your peers ♪
♪ Just made you stronger ♪
♪ Cleaning your ears ♪
♪ With the right cotton ♪
♪ And you choose to keep ♪
♪ Looking under your bed just for sure ♪
♪ And you choose to sleep ♪
♪ With the light on in your corridor ♪
♪ Because you know ♪
♪ It's good and you'll feel so much better ♪
♪ You'll have to see this through ♪

(softly): I love you.

(whispering): I love you too.

♪ Swallow your angst ♪
♪ Till the next offenses ♪
♪ And you choose to cheat ♪
♪ 'Cause a high grade just makes you feel smart ♪
♪ And you choose to eat ♪
♪ Tons of iron to strengthen your heart ♪
♪ Because you know ♪
♪ It's good and you'll feel so much better ♪
♪ You'll have to see this through ♪